syedshksk

[syedshksk]

26.

It’s the time of the year....where things always feel a little bit shittier when it’s supposed to be a day to celebrate.Nothing’s really changed....

I still feel the huge void of emptiness ever since.It’s almost six years now since the day true happiness lost its meaning for me.

I have no motivation in life.Everyday waking up and living life in slow motion with nothing to look forward to.Even though yes there’s tiny bits of accomplishments from time to time.....nothing really ever made me take a step back and cherish my life like i did all those years ago.

Yesterday i finally found out she’s married (even when it’s more than a year late) and although my heart sank to its deepest point....in a way i felt ‘happy’ for her.Seeing that smile brought out a little life out of me....even though it’s with someone else now.

So here’s to turning another year older.Another day closer to death where it’ll all finally end....and i won’t have to go through this thing called ‘living life’.

To R,

Takecare of yourself.Go and live your life.....do all the great things you once said you want to.You’ll always have a place in my heart no matter what it seems. ~

[syedshksk]

Been some time.

I’m alive....but barely living.

[syedshksk]

It’s getting bad again– I was doing okay for a little while, going out, meeting new people, working and distracting myself in any way. But when I’m struggling and find myself in difficult situations and need to feel like there’s somebody behind me, somebody there for me when I’m overwhelmed and scared, I turn around and remember you aren’t there anymore. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to break, but I’m strong and I know I’ll get through it. It’s not a matter of being dependent on another person to feel secure, but I miss knowing you were that person who knew how to talk me down when my anxiety and panic attacks got out of control, held me and calmed me down when I needed it. How you always knew when to cheer me up or when to just listen to me be upset or sad or however I felt. I’m trying really hard to let it go and move on, some days are easier than others. Nights can be rough. But how does someone just let go of that? How do you forget about somebody you allowed in your life, opened up to and let yourself become completely vulnerable with without fear? Now it’s just me and I’ll do just fine. But you were my person. I don’t know how much longer it’ll take for me to be okay with the fact that you’re not there anymore.

aftertheam, Things I’ll never say to you (via wnq-writers)

[syedshksk]

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[syedshksk]

A fucking disappointment.

It’s almost two months and i feel like writing something here.But for some reason.....i’m having sort of a ‘writer’s block’.

I’m choked up in my own words and i can’t even begin.I don’t know if it’s good or bad.Maybe it’s good.....it means whatever i’ve been doing is making progress.Shutting everything and everyone out means i’m not being able to ‘feel’ anything again.

All the heartache and pain caused by the (never thought i’d say this) toxic people around me is no longer making me feel anything.

People do things and hurt others without even realising how much of an effect it has on the other person.I’ve been affected the most and have been caught up in my own fucking mess.

Everyone fails to see how much fragile i’ve become over these years.....even the ones who i thought would actually give a damn.

Insensitive.....as one would say.

[syedshksk]

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I was always trying to fix her, but I found myself broken in the process.

pyromant (via wnq-writers)

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[syedshksk]

How foolish was I to chase tragedy with open arms and a beating heart

thesevnth  (via wnq-writers)

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