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I’ve had it up to my head with the lesbian community. I am tired of it and I’m tired of being ashamed of being a lesbian. I am asexual and I am a lesbian, by all means of the words, but I have been dragged out of house and home and I no longer feel welcome in either of my own communities; specifically, however, the lesbian one. This post might be a bit off, and a few things might be wrong, but I have the right to be upset and emotional.

I will preface this, I try to stay off Tumblr for my own sake, but I have quite a few friends on here and TikTok, so it leaks through to me. I’ve seen my fair share of discourse. The rhetoric is disgusting.

The orange lesbian flag was initially created by an asexual exclusionist, full stop. Slap whatever word you want on it, it was never meant to include someone like me. You can cut as many stripes out of it as you want and rebrand it with a pretty bow but it will never, ever, ever be meant for any asexual lesbians, ever. And if you’re also an ace lesbian and you like it, good for you! I hope you see it as an act of reclamation, I don’t.

(Let me be ballsy for a moment. I don’t believe whatsoever the creator of the orange lesbian flag cares NOW about including ace lesbians in their flag. It would be extremely convenient for them if they started being an inclusionist after their flag gained traction.... And again, I may be wrong, I digress.)

On Tumblr alone we’ve seen a huge spike in harassment, stalking, death threats, rape threats, and all sorts of hatemail being sent to the asexual community. I see no one talking about it who isn’t asexual or a romantic themselves, and I believe enough is enough. Being a lesbian myself I primarily noticed it happening within my own community and it is absolutely abhorrent. To claim otherwise, at this point, would be naive.

I’m sure there are other communities and issues at play here, but don’t play coy with me. I see both sides of the problem, and I am no longer defending anyone. There are serious respectability politics at play, and they have gone unchecked and unchallenged for far too long. I am sick of it.

And the nail in the coffin? The “new, inclusive” lesbian flag doesn’t want me, either.

I ask you this— I am also transgender/adgender. Why should the issues with the initial lipstick lesbian flag override the issues with the new orange lesbian flag? The original was created by a transphobic racist, there is no denying it. It has to go. So why are we sweeping the issues with the orange one under the rug and forcing all of us under it, when either way it will still have issues? Why should we continue using a flag that excludes someone either way? If that alone doesn’t interest you— why are we using another flag that’s basically a copy of the old “problematic” one, only orange? To be identifiable? At this rate, no one outside of the LGBTQ+ community knows the pink one either!

It’s not funny anymore. I’m not included, whole groups of people aren’t seen or heard or included, and I certainly cannot be the only one unhappy. I’m abandoning the lesbian community and label altogether and distancing myself from the ace one. If I’m not welcome with open arms, I don’t want in. Perhaps one person is not much to you, but if it keeps up like this, I can imagine I won’t be the only one abandoning ship.

Let me emphasize: the flag is representative of the issue as a whole. I am hurt about the flag, very very dearly. I’ve identified as a lesbian for over five years now, I hurt deeply to have to even abandon the label. But I’m also not an idiot. There is unchecked respectability politics, aphobia, and biphobia absolutely everywhere within (online, primarily Tumblr) lesbian circles. It’s despicable and it needs to be addressed — if by no one else, than by me. I might not have a platform but I also have nothing to lose.

Change the fucking flag, or don’t. But at least acknowledge the issues that run rampant within the community and, most prominently, in your flag.

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evermore-fashion: Hussein Bazaza “Amal” Fall 2019 Haute Couture Collection

Hussein Bazaza “Amal” Fall 2019 Haute Couture Collection

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The Morning Call, Allentown, Pennsylvania, April 2, 1922

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Eve (detail, 1885) Anna Lea Merritt

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moodboard

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can I promo my boyfriends music

because im a proud bf....

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there is suuuuch a superiority complex in those who think lesbians are the only ones who can understand the butch & femme identities. to think that we are the only people in the world to understand how they work and therefore we are the only ones who should use those identities shows a blatant disrespect for anyone who isn’t lesbian. lesbianism isn’t the ticket to understanding butch and femme. you don’t hold up your lesbian card and then get granted the knowledge. that’s not how it works. people of other sexualities have the capability to understand their dynamics. so using the argument that “you obviously don’t know what it means” to try to hoard butch/femme for ourselves is just ridiculous. especially when it’s been used in LGBTQ+ settings long before these ridiculous arguments that try to control the usage of butch and femme. get off your high horse, and realize that we don’t own butch, and we don’t own femme.

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Hi yes, big reminder that outside of tumblr the word Queer isn’t even a debate among most lgbtq+ spaces and unless otherwise specified on a personal level, people still use it. Like this debate on whether we should use it or not is mainly on tumblr. So please, stop saying “learn your history” or “its a slur, we cant use it” bc then you look ignorant to our past struggles of the use of the word. (Again, if you personally don’t want to use the word that’s a whole other topic and you’re valid if you don’t want to use the word.)

Also, people have used literally all of our vocab as a slur. (gay, lesbian, f**, d***, butch, literally anything under the sun) so like?? queer isn’t any different and its been apart of the lgbtq acronym as a blanket term for anyone who doesn’t want to explain to others/ doesn’t know themselves / doesn’t want a specific label / etc. 

Don’t tell people it isn’t ours, because it is. If you don’t want to identify as that then you’re valid. Its literally not this hard. 

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Hey all physically disabled WLW deserve hugs and if you’re uncomfortable with touch just know i support you and you’re valid

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💜ace wlw moodboard 💜

i’m good, i’m good, i’m good living life just like i should

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Mount Rainier, Washington | Photographer: Jesse Estes

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Beautiful mushrooms

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For some reason many of the telephone poles and signs in my neighbourhood have had things knitted onto them in the last couple weeks! I 200% support this kitschy vandalism.

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I went dandelion picking near the horse field at my grandparents’ place, and made a crown out of them 💛🌿✨🌻

And since fresh flower crowns don’t usually last long, i’ll make dandelion jelly for the first time later today 🌿