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I Hear That’s Good

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straight man: *speaks*

me and the only other gay person in class:

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me,swimming:wow this is amazing i love the ocean

me, when seaweed touches my foot: I imagine death so much it feels more like memory

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me: i’m done posting personal shit online me 5 minutes later: it all started when i was 4 years old and

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#maybe 50s jello food actually was a sublimated expression of female rage

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me: time for sleepy :)

my garbage body: hot hot hot no cold no HOT bad bad, throw up??? no, hungry, NO remember that mistake you made at work. Internalize it. Never forget. Back hurt yes headache YES hot yes roll over r-RA RA RASPUTIN, RUSSIA’s GREATEST LOVE MACHI-

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Same.

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“Well, of course I’ve tried lavender. And pulling my memory out, ribbonlike and dripping. And shrieking into my pillow. And writing the poems. And making more friends. And baking warm brown cookies. And therapy. And intimacy. And pictures of rainbows. And all of the movies about lovers and the terrible things they do to each other. And watching the ones in other languages. And leaving the subtitles off. And listening to the language. And forgetting my name. And feeling the dirt on my skin. And screaming in the shower. And changing my shampoo. And living alone. And cutting my hair. And buying a turtle. And petting the cat. And traveling. And writing more poems. And touching a different body. And digging a grave. And digging a grave. Of course, I’ve tried it. Of course I have.”

— september is a weary month, yasmin belkhyr (via wildflowerveins)

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me in bed, thinking about everything my mental illness has taken from me