systemofpunks - Tumblr blog

[systemofpunks]

I think for a while I thought, if I REALLY had DID, I would be so much better at … everything, right?

I’d handle conflict perfectly and resolve conflict and never lose any friends.

I’d handle emergencies perfectly. I’d never freeze up.

I’d always do the hard self-care things when life got dire.

I’d never have a panic attack during an exam.

I’d never shut down because someone yelled.

I’d always make the right choice, do the right thing, make everyone happy, take care of myself.

It took until now to realize that you don’t end up with the alters who flawlessly handled every single possible situation.

You end up with the alters who successfully kept you alive.

Please … Thank them for that.

[systemofpunks]

It’s so hard trying to explain to people that I can be feeling a dozen conflicting things at once. Multiple completely unique views and opinions and reactions to things that are happening. That I can think a situation is a terrible idea AND be excited for it. That I can be angry about something and also not care. That you can see glimpses of both emotions or more and it doesn’t mean I’m lying to you.

That the reason I “don’t tell you anything” is because you always ask, “well, which is it?”

[systemofpunks]

Systems be like "I'm gonna get shit done today!" Then sit in front of the computer and grey-out the whole day

[systemofpunks]

Virginia Woolf, The Waves

[systemofpunks]

Do you ever just ?

[systemofpunks]

Where have I gone? What's happening?

am i stuck...

[systemofpunks]

did it ever happens at all?

[systemofpunks]

This is not my body, not my body.

[systemofpunks]

Feeling this draw. Ok to reblog.

[systemofpunks]

Who am I?

[image description: a drawing of my head without face. Black paint splatters run from it into the black background. The title “Who am I?” is written onto it in white letters.]

[systemofpunks]

”I want to know your headcount” “I want to know who’s fronting” so do I, get in line

[systemofpunks]

[systemofpunks]

[systemofpunks]

i don’t know who i am // 1.3.2017

[systemofpunks]

[systemofpunks]

[systemofpunks]

Li-Young Lee, from "Folding a Five-Cornered Star So the Corners Meet", The Undressing: Poems