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just precisely how bad was 1500s jerusalem at making maps, you ask? well,

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Hack for if you're struggling with ADHD paralysis and you can't get started on a task:

Step 1: Add some silly rule to the task to make it more interesting and whimsical.

Step 2: Pretend Sam Reich just told you to do it.

Here are a few examples that have worked for me recently.

(Bonus points if you can hear @samreich in your head. "Alright, players, for your next challenge" 🎶ding🎶)

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Doctor: $140,000 a year

Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year

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Doctor: $140,000 a year

Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year

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if you c*nsor anything in a post you are l*gally required to put all of the omitted v*wels at the end as a footn*te

*eeoo

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One of my favorite stories to tell about myself from when I was a kid is the story how my grandma’s “Catching Fairies” game was banned because of me

So when I was really little my grandma had this game she made up, she’d give me and all my cousins jars and containers and tell us that in her garden there were fairies but they were smart and tricky so they disguised themselves as caterpillars and butterflies and as grasshoppers and worms.

Whoever caught the most ‘Fairies’ won but we had to set them all free because they tended to the garden

One summer day my brothers were at the age they were dreading ‘girly’ stuff so I was playing alone

At this point I had met all the fairies in the garden and I was getting bored without any competition and with finding the same old fairies

But then just as I was begrudgingly heading back to my grandma with the same fairies as usual I found a new fairy!

I thought she was so beautiful! She was resting on the sparkly thread in the leaves and her black body gleamed in the sunlight, she had long legs and a cool red spot on her back

Excited I coaxed her onto my hand and was so giddy I found a new one! I rushed back to the farm house to show my Grandma and Dad, gently carrying my new friend.

But when my Dad and Grandma turned around to see what fairy I caught I saw the color drain from their faces and both of them freeze, I could tell something was wrong but didn’t understand

My dad congratulated me and asked me if he could see the pretty fairy, I let him but felt a little nervous seeing how terrified he looked as she moved into his hands from mine.

Slowly he walked back towards the door, my grandma clutching my shoulders then my dad LAUNCHED the fairy back into the garden which I thought was rather rude

Then we had a nice long talk about Black Widow spiders

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One sad side effect of big box stores is that you just don’t get lifelong hyper fixation guy access like you used to.

Like yeah I can go to Menards and buy a door.

But it used to be I could go to the door store, and speak to a man whose sole passion in life was doors and who would talk about the history of door insulation patterns over the last 50 years without stopping to breathe.

That man is gonna find me the BEST door option for me.

Seriously my neighborhood had one of these. They were across the street from the lighting shop owned by the guy who could tell you the exact date, off the top of his head, that your property got electrical wiring based on your address.

Now these guys rarely get to own a shop, make a good living, and sell the very finest doors for decades. They’re relegated to Reddit posts which are informative but ultimately do not replace door guy having a door shop.

I don’t want to talk to some miserable, underpaid 20 year old who was in plumbing last week and in doors this week and doesn’t know a hammer from a hanger.

I want my door guy back.

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So for members of bdsm Dungeons, it's a rule that you don't approach other members if you see them on public for privacy reasons. They might not want people knowing they're a freak.

That said, it's normal to make friends in that space who you hang out with, outside of kink stuff. When that happens and people asked where I met my friend, my go-to line was "Spin-class," which is a very funny joke if you know me even a little. Very not my scene.

Well, funnily enough, while I was working at a homeless shelter, we had a very similar rule because of the homeless stigma. If a guest from the Shelter sees you outside of work, you don't acknowledge or approach them. They can approach you, but you don't tell whoever you're with where you know them. The guest gets to decide if they want to share that info.

Smash cut to me being out with a friend I met at the dungeon a very long time ago. I bump into a guest from the shelter who approaches me to chat. My friend asks how I know the guest, and without thinking, I blurt out "spin class" before remembering that's my go to lie for how I ment dungeon friends. These two proceed to have a conversation, neither fully understood.

Friend: ooohhhh okay i get it. Spin class! Me too. Stopped taking that class a while ago tho.

Guest. Oh for real? That's sick man, good for you! You got a good set up now?

Friend: The best!! I've taken up wood working so my furniture is all custom. Got plenty of space to do "spin" at home. It's coming together.

Guest: Hell yeah brother!!!

Friend: was really good to have my own space during the rona, but man it's lonely! I kinda miss the group dynamics.

Guest: Yeah, i heard that from my homie when he got out of "Spin class!" But it's for the best.

Friend: it can be, but its not for everybody. Can be safer to Spin in a group.

Guest: i know that. Lost a few homie to "spinning" alone. At least at the "class" you got other eyes on you.

Friend: I'm sorry to hear that! You know some elements of "Spinning" are risky but you never think anyone would get hurt. So, my buddy here still a real hard ass for safety?

Guest: oh man you dont even know. They revamped our whole fire escape plan.

Friend: Oh shit! They did that back when i was in Spin class too!

Guest: still improving the system i guess.

Friend: they still keep a bunch of robes outside in a shed so people who get out can cover up?

Guest: Yes!!!

Friend: Did you know it's their fault we have a 30 second rule!

Guest: Damn really!?! Makes sense tho, if there's a fire you gotta get out fast!

Friend: Yeah, I Never gave it much thought before they brought it up, but yeah the last thing you want is a fire when you're all tired up!

Guest: Yeah, that's true. I didn't know they came up with the rule, tho. I do like having the space between the beds clear...

Friend: Yeah it's so annoying when people block the path with their shit.

Guest: Yeah there's not enough space between beds for people to be hording shit.

Friend: Yeah! I loved that they always got people to keep their area clear.

Guest: not gonna lie i hate being told to clean up but it is better that way.

Friend: Yeah... haha.

Guest: well it was nice chatting with you brother.

Friend: you too, man! See ya around!

Guest: see ya!

Me:

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These men just stole the personal information of everyone in America AND control the Treasury. Link to article.

Akash Bobba

Edward Coristine

Luke Farritor

Gautier Cole Killian

Gavin Kliger

Ethan Shaotran

Spread their names!

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No children are allowed in the Library of Congress.

It's not that kind of library.

In other words...

You are being lied to

again

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went to an elementaryschool musical production and they started the show with the director saying: "Now there's some very small viewers here today, so just so you know. There will be a scary character later in the show. This is her," and a girl in a kinda scary ghost outfit did a creepy walk across the stage, the stood up straight and did a cheery wave, "but remember, it's just Nina. She's pretending to be scary."

Aaaand i would very much like for horror movies to have that as a little bonus feature you can chose. Let me start a movie with Guillermo del Toro showing me a scary ghost that might jump at me, but don't worry, thats just Doug!

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Saw a post about how halal and kosher meat will likely be the only reliably safe options in the US because their safety and cleanliness standards aren't dictated by what's the barest legal minimum that government food safety regulations demand.

So you're like 5 years away from "ever notice how the musulmans and jews never get sick from bad meat? clearly this is proof that they are poisoning us" right now.

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What is dat *aggressively scuttles* 

(via)

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how it feels to stop tossing and turning and get up to piss