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WARNING: organ trafficking stuff

Sequel to this post

Also inspiration from this fic

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the term Average Joe implies the existence of the strange Abnormal Joe and this, i think, is the proper identification for joe hills of nashville tennessee

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Overheard in the coffee shop - an extended family chatting about the cherubic giggling toddler in the high chair:

Grandparent: He’s eating so well now!

Mom: Yes he really loves his food.

Grandparent *incredulous voice*: Is there anything he doesn’t like?

Dad *materialising at table and sliding ninja like into conversation*: Sleeping? Being alone? Going more than ten minutes without a hug?

They all laughed affectionately but I have to confess I gave the youngster a tiny salute as I walked by and we shared a moment of deep respect and understanding while he drooled applesauce down his chin.

You and me both, kid. You and me both.

Now back to the NYC apartment with take out for one and a devastatingly exciting early night planned.

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Official ominous sign

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Tim, wearing the new suit Bruce just bought him:

Damian, staring intensely: it looks..

Tim: ironically good, i know.

Damian:

Tim:

Tim: wanna pretend this suit sucks so we can fight?

Damian: sure.

*there's loud sounds, screaming, and suspicious gunshot noises upstairs.*

Bruce: are these two fights pretend again?

Dick, eating peanut butter straight from the jar: like.. ironically.

Jason, holding a water gun: did someone ironically switch my gun to these?

*more gunshot noises.*

Bruce: ... ironically?

Jason, stomps upstairs: DAMIAN!!

Bruce: Dick, aren't you allergic to peanuts?

Dick, burning up: i am not.

Bruce: God, ALFRED!!

Dick, getting dragged to the car: LET ME DIE, BRUCE!! LET ME DIE!!

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Tim, wearing the new suit Bruce just bought him:

Damian, staring intensely: it looks..

Tim: ironically good, i know.

Damian:

Tim:

Tim: wanna pretend this suit sucks so we can fight?

Damian: sure.

*there's loud sounds, screaming, and suspicious gunshot noises upstairs.*

Bruce: are these two fights pretend again?

Dick, eating peanut butter straight from the jar: like.. ironically.

Jason, holding a water gun: did someone ironically switch my gun to these?

*more gunshot noises.*

Bruce: ... ironically?

Jason, stomps upstairs: DAMIAN!!

Bruce: Dick, aren't you allergic to peanuts?

Dick, burning up: i am not.

Bruce: God, ALFRED!!

Dick, getting dragged to the car: LET ME DIE, BRUCE!! LET ME DIE!!

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Being introduced by my actual name and not my nickname gives me shivers down my spine

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Oh, you're reading this in bed past 23:00pm? That's sweet

FLASH BANG

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why would you ever outsource fun to chatgpt? are you stupid? you can make mediocre shit by yourself too.

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👀

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One of the funniest things to come out of the live action Titans show has to be the behind the scenes pics because every single one I see of Brenton Thwaites is the most in character depiction of Dick Grayson I've ever seen

Like look at these photos and tell me he wouldn't do this shit

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saw this under a bridge across an intersection. who are they...

Official ominous sign

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A list of the contents of Dick Grayson’s fridge/pantry while he’s living in a safe house after Bruce has kicked him out at the ripe age of 16 (he has a job as a busboy at a shitty dive bar where the owner didn’t actually look at Dick’s fake ID):

The cheapest loaf of bread that was on sale

Three jars of peanut butter

Four boxes of cereal, because they were on sale for buy 1 get 1 free

Milk that technically expired two days ago, but it’s not lumpy so it’s fine

A takeout container from the bar he works at bc the cooks are nice and like him and give him free French fries

A huge block of cheddar cheese that he’s only had to cut the mold off of twice, it’s fine, he swears

A family size bag of m&ms

The biggest fucking bag of rice he’s ever seen along with a huge bag of dry beans he’s been given detailed instructions on how to cook (one of the cooks got them for him, Dick didn’t ask where from)

Chocolate protein powder that expired a month ago but was on sale for 75% off when he bought it two days before it expired

A pack of hot dogs

Mint chip ice cream (NOT store brand. His ice cream is where Dick draws the line)

Make of this list what you will, it just came to me.

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I love when people pick my beautiful man up, I think he deserves to be constantly carried around by the people he loves. He deserves to feel loved.

Okay but consider this: everyone is so used to carrying Dick because he was so little when they first met him that it was just instinct to pick up and whisk him away by the time he got older. It doesn’t matter that now it looks sort of ridiculous to snatch up this lanky teenager and sprint away with him, it works. It’s efficient. And Dick doesn’t actually mind it.

Then he’s an adult, and people still are picking him up for like no reason. Just because they can. Because they want to. And Dick just shrugs and goes along with it.

He’s a little prince and it’s proven by the way they hardly let his feet touch the ground.

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what the fuck

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req'd by @paper-ink-and-sorrow

your circus, your monkeys i fear

text: Obi wan is like I got the kids in the divorce. They aren't my kids. Or my divorce.