taentedvelvet

[taentedvelvet]

robber: hey give me all ur money

me: how about i instead buy that gun off of u for all my money

robber: ok

robber:oh shit now ur gonna rob all ur money back

me:no im not a dick who robs people

roober: that hurt way more than any bullet would

[taentedvelvet]

Just like I said. Illegal adoption.

https://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/immigrant-mom-loses-effort-regain-son-us-parents/story?id=16803067

[taentedvelvet]

HELLO???????? TAIWAN HAS OFFICIALLY LEGALIZED SAME SEX MARRIAGE. AKA THE FIRST IN ASIA

[taentedvelvet]

let fat girls be princesses. let fat girls be goddesses draped in translucent gowns. let fat girls wear pastels and miniskirts and high-waisted shorts and crop tops. let fat girls wear leather boots and spike up their hair or shave it off completely. let fat girls be fat girls in their own way without any unnecessary limitations.

[taentedvelvet]

#friendship goals

[taentedvelvet]

[taentedvelvet]

Nikita.

[taentedvelvet]

[taentedvelvet]

Jude In The Wicked King Be Like:

Has this been done yet???

[taentedvelvet]

Cardan, very drunk: *points to Jude* That’s my girlfriend, suckers!

Jude, quietly: Your wife, honey.

Cardan: my wiFE! EVEN BETTER!

[taentedvelvet]

cardan: *muttering to himself under his breath*

jude: bitch say it to my face

cardan: YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY TODAY YOU STUPID HUMAN

[taentedvelvet]

What I want to see in 'The Queen of Nothing'

-Cardan being pressured into marrying Nicasia (or anyone else for that matter)

-Jude returns to Elfhame

-Cardan greets her with something along the lines of “Well, wife, it’s been a while”.

-Everyone is shocked and confused because he just called JUDE his WIFE.

-And Cardan will oh-so-casually turn to everyone and be like

-“Oh, you haven’t heard?”

[taentedvelvet]

Jude: Pass the salt.

Cardan: What’s the magic word?

Jude, unsheathing a dagger: Or else.

Cardan, visibly sweating: …here you go, my love.

[taentedvelvet]

*jude and cardan walking into target*

cardan: so who’s the target

jude: what?

cardan: who are you targeting to kill

jude: cardan that’s not-

cardan, about to cry: it’s me isn’t it

[taentedvelvet]

He hates you. Even if he wants you, he hates you. Maybe he hates you the more for it.

[taentedvelvet]

Jude: bitch

Cardan: exiled.

Jude: wait pardon me i need to tell you something

Cardan: pardoned.

Jude: bitch