#& the fact it all drifts inevitably to the crulest shit anyone's ever done to me just worsens all the pain. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ozlices · 4 months

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it'll be a year without her in less than an hour & i don't even know how to grapple with that. we're so strained from stress we've been nauseous & shaking for hours. on the cusp of throwing up but with nothing to release. just a gutted heart & a bleeding soul.

she told me she'd haunt me a long time ago. but, she didn't linger for long. which makes sense w stuff, but... it hurts. the emptiness is so hollow. the ringing is so loud. the darkness has never been blacker. the cold has never bitten so hard.

i just wanna skip to the part where im with her again. the world without her is muted, dull & bleak. i resent it.

#mine #these last couple weeks have been so draining but now that it's about to be THE day it's so much worse.#im afraid to sleep tonight. nightmares every night for a year. because of what tomorrow represents. forever burned in me.#the recollections are so clear. the depression is suffocating. the loss is paralyzing.#& the fact it all drifts inevitably to the crulest shit anyone's ever done to me just worsens all the pain.#a year tomorrow. a Year. & yet the wound still bleeds. like it was just freshly carved not one singular hour ago.#the only thing keeping me alive is the prospect of being reunited w her.#& the pathetic guilt i feel at the thought of leaving anyone to feel this way over me #but in this moment right now i want nothing more than to rush that process & spend eternity w her instead.#i wont. but... god. i truly hate being alive right now.

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