#//in verses where someone else is Captain she does not have this love of cheesy jokes and puns

[soulsbetrayed]

Hod is particularly fond of bad jokes and puns considering the fact the current Captain of the Training Team, Amaryllis just tosses them out left and right. She genuinely finds them funny and sadly she's the only Sephirah to think so

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Geddon #5 Thoughts

Very mixed feelings.

This issue is a difficult one to talk about, partially because there was simply SO MUCH in it and each piece has its own pros and cons. As such this is going to be a bit on the piecemeal side of things.

Let me get a general criticism out of the way. The constantly changing artists was very noticeable. However on the flipside each of the artists participating were very very good. So the art wasn’t consistent but it all looked lovely.

Additionally there was a fun sense of bombast and action to the comic book, it was everything and the kitchen sink but in a good way.

I also appreciate that Gage (and yes I’m 99% sure all of these were Gage) in a sense apologized for aspects of Spider-Verse Chief among them was the resurrection of MC2 Peter Parker, righting a wrong that should NEVER HAVE HAPPENED!!!!!!!!! But we also have the Engima Force being useful as compared to Spider-Verse where it was stupidly ineffective in a cheap attempt to build up Solus. Gage does a deft job of not exactly contradicting that but at the same time showcasing Captain Universe as a power player.

Now let’s talk about individual aspects of the book.

As I said the Captain Universe element was appreciated. I also liked that the Enigma Force didn’t automatically confer Miles as worthy which is appreciated as for several years now stories, creators and fans alike have been worshipping at his feet, often at the expense of Peter. Here Miles got the Enigma Force but only after talking it round and was conscious about doing something to render himself unworthy, whereas Peter was simply always worthy. It is also a great way to let Miles shine in a series which exists to promote/benefit from his movie at the time and which was supposed to be his vehicle first and foremost. On the flipside though the Enigma force being wary of the Spiders as unworthy because they let some people die is illogical. 616 Peter had made similar or more mistakes but was still worthy. Additionally Miles asking what worthy even means came off as Gage throwing some shade somehow. Finally I have mixed feelings on the Venom blast being as powerful as it was against Solus. On the one hand it’s the Venom blast again being a cheap OP ability Miles has but on the other hand even if it was toned down to be very reasonable the Enigma Force probably would amp it up and it wasn’t like it won the day. Over all this element of the story worked more than it failed.

What about Ben Reilly? Well again I think this was Gage apologizing for Clone Conspiracy, though this is rather strange. Ben throughout the story seemed normal enough so what does ‘factory settings’ mean exactly? I guess the idea is that Ben is now...redeemed? Maybe? It’s very under developed and more problematically there is little acknowledgment of his and Peter’s relationship when that should be a big deal if they meet face to face. This is the first time they have seen one another since Clone Conspiracy after all. I get this isn’t a Peter centric event but then don’t have them meet up.

Speaking of Peter, I didn’t like how it was  Gwen leading the charge instead of him. Whilst the letter’s pages claim this event was to highlight non-Peter Spider Heroes the event really wasn’t about Gwen. She disappeared by issue #2, so if she gets prestige via her tie-in books shouldn’t Peter too? More prestige in fact given how he both beat the main villain of the original story (for the third time) and you know...is the real Spider-Man? Speaking of which the shot of the NINE Spider-Heroes from Earth 616 really just said it all to me. There are too many in the same universe and it is ridiculous. Especially when you consider Venom, Madame Web, Doppelganger and other probable candidates were excluded. I mean as of this writing we know 2099 is coming back to the present and Spider-Gwen will be coming to 616 too!

Of those 616 Spider-Heroes Spider-Man 2099 and Silk were present...where the fuck were they during the rest of this story. Silk maybe had a line or two, 2099 I don’t recall right now seeing him before this damn issue? Oh well, at least they addressed Kaine’s fate and made it clear he was still on Earth 616.

Keeping with Earth 616 lets talk about Otto. Think issue was consistent in basically kissing his ass. He was the main driver for the resolution to the story, he came up with the plan to fix everything and dammit it was a good plan; as was tricking Jennix. I hate saying that because Superior is a colossal douchebag of a character and I don’t care what happened here or in ASM #800, Peter shouldn’t give him free reign. He joined fucking HYDRA!

However I must admit I did enjoy his interactions with the Gamerverse Spider-Man as it bookended the event rather nicely going back to issue #0.

Before I move onto more interesting characters we must address very briefly Spider-Gwen. The origin of her new codename was eye roll worthy and the brief dialogue saying she can transverse dimensions now was out of nowhere. It was underexplained for someone like me who was not reading her tie-in series, and frankly I shouldn’t HAVE to read a tie in to get pertinent information when I’ve already paid $5.00. That’s about it.

Let’s talk briefly about the Spider-Girls. I’ve already lauded MC2 Peter’s return, but it was also nice to see Mayday get a lick in on Daemos. Too bad it was for exactly one goddam panel. We got more resolution from her fighting an illusion Daemos in the Spider Island mini-series! The Spider-Girls basically going all Morphin Time was cheesy and yet I loved it. However it was yet more BS dues ex machina crap from the end of Spider-Girls. It makes me hate the ending of that series even more now, especially since it amounted to so little here. However I did like the over all dynamics with the RYV crew and Mayday, what little there was in the story.

Now let’s talk about the Inheritors. They also represent a mixed bag. They continued to be aggressively bland characters right up until the end, but their ultimate defeat was a good compromise to beating them without killing them. That being said I appreciated that Gage had characters acknowledge how wrong it felt to be in the act seemingly killing them. Speaking of that resolution it was perhaps the biggest mixed bag of the whole issue.

On the one hand the reveal that the Inheritors never actually had to consume totemetic essences is disgustingly convenient to the point of being contrived and trite. On the other hand though it does wipe every Inheritor off the board with the possible exception of Morlun, allowing the possibility for him as the most famous and ‘popular’ Inheritor to return in future stories if needs be whilst the obviously shitter characters get hand waved out of the series.

Finally Spider-Norman’s plot thread goes completely unresolved. He was seriously underutilized in this story and even his machinations didn’t amount to all that much in the story. It’s just set up for something else, and I pray that something else is just a storyline in Superior Spider-Man and not another goddam event, let alone Spider-Verse 3.

Over all this issue had more I enjoyed than disliked I must admit (maybe that was the lovely looking art though) but the series as a whole was all over the place and mostly bad.

Gee I wonder if that one Ghost-Spider Issue I have left to read will change my over all feelings on this event...

...Regardless I would recommend you give this a read anyway, if for no other reason than the satisfaction of seeing MC2 Peter come back.

[wadey-wilson]

Essay essay pls! I actually enjoyed the TASM films but I watched them when I was like, 10, so my actual perception of them is super skewed

re: 

I usually never talk much about things I hate because I don’t wanna care about things I hate. it’s a waste of time and nerves. but given that you asked nicely, and that I have a lot to say, and that I should sleep but we all know it never plays out, let’s go.

right off the bat, I want to say that I believe you can change some things about characters or stories if adapting them for the silver screen either requires it, or the director has a really good idea as to how the character should be done. that being said, I also believe there’s a line you can’t cross. you either change the character to be more appealing and to have them resonate with the audiences more (see: Thor in Thor: Ragnarok, Guardians of The Galaxy), or to have it fit the story better (see: Mandarin in Iron Man 3). I have no problem when a director goes ‘I have an idea for this character’ and he actually has, let him do it. however, when you change too much about a story (see: Civil War) or a character, they become unrecognizable and completely off. you ever read Superior Spider-Man? they become that. a shell of someone we know but with completely different behaviour, manners, mind, and character for that matter. you can’t change a character to this point, because it ruins them. say Iron Man doesn’t drink alcohol at all, he’s a granddad of a random kid taken from the streets, and kills innocent people. doesn’t really sound well, huh?

and that’s the huge problem with that small series of films. the producers don’t understand Spider-Man (don’t @ me with Spider-Verse, Sony didn’t touch Spider-Verse, it was written by the ever great Phil Lord and Chris Miller), and they never will because they frankly don’t give a shit. they ruined Spider-Man 3 by forcing Raimi to put Venom in there despite Raimi not being able to handle the material and not being interested in that character. reason why they made the TASM films? money. reason why they keep the rights to Spidey? money. so since they don’t understand Spider-Man, they can’t make a good Spidey movie as long as it’s them making that movie.

I also want to add that I like crap movies. Spider-Man 3 is half a solid movie, but you can’t have a bad time while watching it - it’s hilarious, has great action scenes, the characters feel like characters, and the tone is consistent. Venom movie wise is like 4/10, it has 2 prologues, and 179 plot holes and/or stupid choices, but it’s entertaining, funny (even when unintentionally), has some very good dialogues, and the Venom/Eddie relationship (right along with Tom Hardy himself) saves the movie. so I like crap movies when they’re fun, comedy gold, or just so stupid that you can’t help but laugh (see: Twilight). but when a movie is shit, and does none of those things, I can’t sit through it.

with all that said, here goes: reasons why The Amazing Spider-Man movies suck balls and are offensive towards the character of Spider-Man:

comic wise:

- Peter Parker - let’s google Peter Parker.

caring. kind. loyal. brave. scared. worried. intelligent.

that’s the basic core aspect of Peter Parker. you can’t change the core of a character or else they become a different person. the core aspect is what makes them them. Peter Parker is ‘with great power comes great responsibility’, he’s a struggling one because he made a choice to save lives and that choice often ruins his day-to-day life, he’s constantly trying to be a better man, but all while bad things are happening, he remains kind, loving, caring, loyal, respectful, and worth of the powers he’s carrying.

TASM Peter Parker? that dude’s a selfish dickhead. i could go scene by scene to prove my point, but off the top of my head, he:

stalks, creeps, breaks (important) promises, is rude 24/7 towards his aunt and uncle, risks people’s lives, damages public property and doesn’t even say sorry, sneaks into Oscorp by stealing someone’s righteously earned intern badge (plus literally laughing at the guy who got kicked out bc of him, what the hell).

other than that, Andrew Garfield does not look socially awkward or nerdy in the slightest. the movies are really trying to portray him as one and terribly fail. he’s not a good fit for this Spidey. Superior Spidey? yeah, that asshole, sure. I’m not saying he’s a bad actor, he’s an amazing actor. he’s just not good for the role of Peter Parker.

I mentioned Thor before and how making him a goofball actually worked out fine, and that’s because the core aspect of him never disappeared. he’s still Thor, courageous, righteous, loving, kind, but with more jokes. Peter Parker is a nerdy outcast, he’s socially awkward like 95% of the time, and doesn’t even know how to walk straight. Andrew’s Spidey? obnoxious-skateboarding-cool-looking-Edward-Cullen-like-tall-and-model-like cute. I have no words.

to add to his terrible traits, Peter’s only motivation to put on the red-and-blue spandex is revenge. revenge. I don’t care about that scene where he’s sitting with his mask wondering if he should go after the Lizard. that doesn’t mean a thing. it would if his behaviour changed, but it never did. he made a mask and then a suit so people wouldn’t see who commits the crimes (assaulting at nights while looking for Ben’s killer, that’s crime), that’s down-right fucked up. this is not Spider-Man. speaking of…

- Spider-Man - he doesn’t care about people’s lives at-freaking-all, and it just wounds me. he jokes around while people are being murdered (see: TAMS2 scene with the Rhino where he didn’t stop Rhino when he had the chance, instead letting him run over tens of people and kept. on. joking., or putting on a fireman’s hat while people are being killed). jokes? what jokes? that guy’s a jackass. he threatens a man saying he’d kill him if he’d be the one who killed uncle Ben. he publicly humiliates a guy, I don’t care if he’s a criminal. 

see this:

(the amazing s-m #797)

vs this

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

- Ben Parker - he’s 100% useless in the movie. in the comics and in the Raimi’s movies, he plays a huge role. he’s Peter’s moral compass right along with May Parker, which…

- May Parker - her presence in the movie is pointless. she’s got no impact on the plot. cut out all the scenes with her, and it changes nothing about the movies. her presence only makes Peter look more like an asshole bc he’s one towards her 99% of the time. she’s there to be… I don’t even know. she’s useless. oh, no, wait, she’s there to make Peter break his promise to Captain Stacy. amazing.

movie wise:

- tone - inconsistent, all over the place. TASM1 is dark, silly, dark, lighthearted, funny, dark, funny, dark. why can’t it be just dark or funny? same goes to TASM2, except TASM2 is way worse due to the unconnected subplots. examples of well-toned movies: Homecoming (a comedy starring Spider-Man), Iron Man 3 (consistently cartoonish with balanced humor and action), The Avengers (consistently funny and cheesy).

- character arc - there’s none. Peter learns absolutely nothing. at all. he’s selfish and remains selfish. puts people’s lives at risk all the time. breaks promises, not learning any lesson. I mentioned Venom before and how it’s a dumb movie, but even that one has Venom have an arc. rushed one, yes, very rushed, but still an arc. 

- music - stock music + bad pop music + elevator music + something that tried to sound like dubstep but wound up being what comes out when you scratch your nails across the board ft. growling dying dragons from bad cartoons. I’m really sorry for Hans Zimmer that his name is in the credits bc the amazing Pharell Whilliams literally ruined the TASM2 soundtrack.

- directing - it’s shit. the movie’s shot with no life to speak of. boring shots, lower than average. there’s no scene that makes me ‘whoa’. there’s no scene that makes me ‘this is a really good shot. I very much like this shot.’ ok, I’m lying, there are two shots in the entire 2 movies. there:

these are the only shots that I like. out of 2 movies. please, take all my money.

on top of that, the colors are just ugly. Deadpool has greasy colors but they’re consistent and fit the creepy tone of the movie. TASM movies can’t decide what the hell they are so they are just a mess.

- villains:

x the Lizard. he wants people to be lizards, and that’s it. he wants his arm to regrow but then he goes ‘forget arms, now I want people to be lizards.’ and it’s sad bc he’s a very good villain in the comics.

x Green Goblin. motivation is weak, plus why did he crawl towards the suit? if he crawled towards the Doc Ock arms, would he become Doc Ock? how did he know hot to fly the glider? ‘you took his picture, so you know him’ - first of all, that shot was taken from 64508098 meters away, and second of all, how does this make Harry think Peter knows Spider-Man? he’s still better than Connors, tho.

x Electro - quite an odd one, weak motivations, what the hell was that with the corny speeches pulled out of his ass and completely out of the place? why did he even have shorts? where did he take his suit from? that’s a PG-13 movie, I get it, we don’t wanna watch an electric p*nis swing, ok, we get it  still, bad motivations, makes no sense 80% of the time, and... he’s just off. he’s such a badly-handled and poorly-written character I want to cry,

- other characters:

x Gwen Stacy - so called generic love interest. that’s it.

x I don’t even care.

- stupid bullshit - when a movie is good, I don’t care about plot holes or stupid stuff like visible reshoots (see: Tony’s hair in IW) or just idiotic moments (see: Black Widow knocking a guy out with her hair in The Avengers).

however, when the stupid bullshit takes over a movie, you can’t help but notice. why did the Lizard want everyone to be lizards? why did the electric eels fix the gap between Max’s teeth? what’s with the subplot with Peter chasing Ben’s killer? is Peter so stupid that he brought his camera with his name on it to Lizard’s secret layer? why are Peter’s parents so focused on? they’re 100% irrelevant and have no impact on the movies besides making them even stupider (that calculator scene, I’m-). why did Ben jump towards the gun? how did scrawny and skinny Harry Osborn overpower two armed, grown-ass guards? if Peter is smart enough to make web-shooters and web fluid, why did he have to look up the basics of electricity on YT? why is Gwen so stupid to grab a metal bar when there’s an electricity-fueled guy murdering people? why did even Electro become bad? why do people stand around very dangerous fight scenes like it’s a spectacle with fairies? run! the plane scene. the plane scene no2. the crane scene. how did the cranes happen to be perfectly in line across the way to Oscorp? even Raimi wouldn’t put this corny shit in his movies, and he made his trilogy corny for purpose. train? coming? out? from? the ground??? a video coincidentally waiting for Peter to be played in that train? Gwen Stacy happening to be the interns’ tour guide at Oscorp? how did Gwen get to the fight with Electro scene sooner than the police? why did the web get cut by two solid objects, simultaneously making a ‘cut’ sound, what the fuck was that? why were those movies even made? (money)

I want to add that I don’t care about deleted scenes. put them in the movie if they’re important. I really don’t give a damn there was a scene with Peter’s dad (which is just stupid) or some stuff with Connors. I don’t judge deleted scenes, I judge the movies.

and that’s it. I feel like I can talk more, but it’s like 11pm, and I have to get up early and go to work, so… I said what I said. you can’t change my opinion. if you like these films, I don’t care. they’re trash. if you can watch them and think ‘that’s a good movie,’ I’m glad you can, and I wish you a happy life with that bad perception.

to add to all of this, I’ll have you know that even Andrew Garfield is mad/sad that Sony compromised the character of Peter Parker for the sake of money.

before I go, the only good things about these movies:

- TASM2 suit is cool. I like it a lot,

- that scene where Peter wakes up and accidentally breaks things,

- that montage with Spidey after he breaks up with Gwen, it’s really nice and in-character, looking like it was written by someone completely else,

- they didn’t make a third movie.

P.S. if you want some good videos I remember seeing about those movies, visit yourmoviesucks and TheCosmonautVarietyHour on YT. also ScreenCrush explains what’s wrong with those movies basing on one scene, and it’s great.

P.S. 2. there was this comment on YT under the TASM movies review that I really like, and honestly what a mood: