#; ; i really don't wanna eddiittt... but i gotta post this on ao3... grammarly... save me grammarly...

[hectorthedoggo]

aight i really don't feel like editing today so i'm just gonna give the unedited enyu thing for y'all :)

Tw: horror imagery

The warden took a swig from their glass of water, and turned their eyes back to their work, ignoring the slightly throbbing headache. It doesn’t matter.

Last time we went to get our daily check-up, Shidou told us to sleep, as we hadn’t slept in… a day? Yeah, that was a day ago. Hm… I don’t think that’s healthy. That was, what, yesterday? Hm…

They had whittled the two days away, only going for occasional breaks; they had requested more work, so they could be kept busy.

They had tried to sleep once in that period of time, and that hadn’t ended well.

Their rest probably lasted around 10 minutes, before they were promptly woken up by a nightmare. No way we should let that happen.

Jackalope didn’t seem opposed to the idea, as it would let him have less work. It was a win-win situation, because the more work they had, the less thinking they had to do.

However, the urge for sleep was pulling on them desperately. They didn’t remember the last time they sleep.

I suppose that I must, lest I randomly pass out. Again.

They sat up from the couch, setting their clipboard next to them.

They walked robotically to the bed, sloppily getting ready for bed and tucking themself under the sheets.

They decidedly didn’t look at the mirror while doing that, of course. We’re not an idiot.

They closed their eyes, but didn’t immediately fall asleep. It was ironic that they would be so tired yet not able to go to sleep.

They attempted sleep anyway.

That was idiotic of them.

After an indeterminable amount of time, they opened their eyes in their darkened room.

A feeling they were being watched clutched at their throat. No, that’s silly. Who would do that? Besides, we locked the door. There’s nobody in here, I’m- we’re just being paranoid.

However, out of some sort of twisted curiosity, they moved their eyes away from the ceiling.. 

A large black shape was in the middle of the room, slightly swaying.

They tried to get up, but couldn’t. Their body was immobilized by something. That shape wasn’t there before, oh god-

It started to float towards them, and it felt like their point of view shifted up. It slowly inched across the ground, two hanging limbs dragging across the ground.

Those are… those are feet, right?

They looked up, and a chunk of tangled golden-brown hair came from the head of the entity. It came to their bedside, and towered over them in the bed.

A cold sweat ran down their face, and they started to shiver. What? That’s-

Mahiru giggled, and they heard it. It was real.

But, she’s not alive, there’s no way this could be real.

Her hanging body resembled that of her boyfriends; an image subconsciously gifted to them by her MV.

A pale, ghostly hand reached toward their face, brushing their cheek. It felt so, so real.

They looked around the room, trying to find any way out, and ‘she’ started to hum her song. But, it was distorted, off key, and they started to try to cry.

It was a combination of fear and grief, but they couldn’t sob. They could never let it out, simply shaking and feeling the soft whisper of skin against their cheek.

Eventually, the sensation of the hand faded, and they woke with a start.

The first thing they did was scamper from under the bedsheet, as if it was the perpetrators of their distress.

They clutched their knees, and started to weakly sob. They didn’t have the energy or hydration, but they did have the raw emotion.

Oh god, and she seemed happy. That version of Mahiru was happy.

Right before she died, she was injured, and unhappy. She was faking happiness. I put her in such a state that she wanted this release. It’s my fault.

They clutched a pillow, and it simply deflated. I- I can’t do this anymore, but I can’t die.

I’m not going back to sleep. I’m not going back to sleep. I don’t want to see her again.

It’s all my fault.

It was dead quiet, excluding their own pathetic noises of fear and grief. They were so, so tired, but couldn’t go back to sleep.

They stared at some of the unfinished paperwork on the table. I’m having trouble thinking right now, but if I go back to sleep…

They let out another weak sob. I really don’t want to work… We’ve done that all day. But we should, shouldn’t we? It would take the pain away.

They kept clutching onto the pillow, but started to reassure themself of their authority, that it was all going to be okay, but it didn’t work.

The fear that Mahiru would pop up again, the monster would stare at them, remind them of their guilt. Why do I even see her as a monster? That’s horrible.

She just wanted to love people, and look at what we did to her.

The warden heard light footsteps, and hoped that whoever it was would open the door, check on them.

However, that hope was mixed with fear. But, we can’t let people see us like this. I-

They couldn’t repress their tears; not when there were so many. But, they did try to quiet them the best they could. It didn’t work; the attempt was half-hearted.

It was like a cry for help.

The footsteps stopped in front of their door.

Please. Please. But, they couldn’t directly admit it to themself.

They were relieved when they heard a knock on the door, and soon, an inquisitive head popped in. It’s Kotoko.

She’s going to see me like this. I’m not sure how to feel about this.

This is shameful. We can’t be doing this?

But, what do we have to lose? It feels like we won’t survive this any longer. We can’t.

That shut the warden up.

Will she protect me? She’s good with that, but my verdict’s ruined it all, as always.

She slowly stepped closer to them, but they didn’t protest. They were like an injured animal, though untrusting, had to rely on whoever’s around, no matter how they felt about that person.

They were somewhere else, staring at the spot where Mahiru appeared. Will she appear now? Kotoko will abandon me. Maybe she’s just here to admonish me or something.

I would deserve that. But, can the monster appear if she’s here? Am I at least slightly safer in her presence?

She approached their shaking form.

“How does this keep happening to you? Es, you should understand that you can’t keep this up.”

They shook their head, weak voice punctured by their gasping sobs, “But… Mahiru… she’ll come if I… if we try to… I can’t, I-”

The warden decided to stop their speaking before they revealed more weakness.

Kotoko stood over their curled-up, vulnerable form, eyes widened in a mix of anxiety and despair. The walls started to grow eyes, and they further curled into themself. “She, she’s, they’re all…”

Their cries came to be unapologetically louder than necessary, but she still didn’t save them.

Eventually, she overcame some of her own mental barriers, and scraped them off of their place of terror, up into her arms.

It was almost too easy, and they relaxed. She’ll protect me better than we can protect ourself.

She looked down on them. “Why did you do that?”

They passively looked at nothing, cries quieted now that they were safe. “We… we had to work.”

“That’s not helping anything, or anyone. You won’t be rational enough to decide life-changing verdicts. Idiot…”

Es looked ahead, at the eyes that watched them in the walls. 

“If we do the work, the more time we do it the better. I don’t have to feel anything when I’m working. Besides, I’m not… I’m not the one that chooses the verdicts, anyways. We-, no, I don’t matter.” Their speech and filter were slurred on their tiredness.

Sleep started to overtake them. I don’t care if this is Kotoko, I’d rather pass out here than on the floor.

She tried to lightly shake them awake, but it was futile. “Wait, the verdicts what?”

They lost consciousness, finally not worrying about working.

I guess she knows now.

I’m not sure how we’re supposed to feel about that.

-

When the warden woke up, they were, of course, back in Shidou’s room. Why do we keep ending up here? This is bothersome, and-

They tried to get up, hazily registering their surroundings, but was stopped. They scowled at the offender, Kotoko, again.

She pushed them, slightly roughly, back down. They tried to resist, but she held them still.

“Es, stop that. You’re only going to hurt yourself more.”

They kept their angry face on, but blocked the light from reaching their tired eyes. This is humiliating. Why is she treating me like a child that can’t take care of themself?

We’re perfectly fine.

Another voice, Shidou Kirisaki, chimed in from the background. His voice sounded a little choked up. “You’re really worrying us, Es. I- please stop doing this.”

Why would they be worried? “Why?”

“Why, what?” Kotoko’s stricter tone of voice.

“Why do you even care? What we do is none of your business. Again, I’m the warden, you’re the prisoners, there’s no reason for this irrational behavior.”

That left the adults in silence, and they let their pounding head adjust to the light the best it could.

They stared over at the two adults, who seemed like an unlikely duo. Didn’t they hate each other last time we checked?

Well, I suppose the verdicts might have changed things. Maybe Kotoko has lost her big ego, good.

Kotoko looked like a mess, her usual hair slightly out of place, and restraints all messed up. Shidou, despite his innocent verdict, looked even more pathetic.

His eyes were puffy from crying, something the warden hadn’t seen much of, other than that one time. Ah, those tears are for Mahiru. That’s right.

The air was thick with tension. Shidou broke the silence. “Es, we care about you.”

That is an outright lie. Does he really care about ‘me’? Or his kids. “No, you don’t. Why would you? All I do is boss you around.”

Kotoko sighed. “Es. Listen. I understand where you’re coming from; I used to be like this, but it didn’t work out for me, you should know. 

I wouldn’t want to lose you as a warden, despite- no, um, you’re an adequate warden. Your faith for your… cause, is admirable. I… I guess I don’t want to lose you.”

It must have taken a lot out of her to say that. Some of that seemed genuine, but…

The warden flicked their eyes over her vulnerable self, trying to justify her actions. Wait… The girl in her MV… Ah! I get it now. She just sees me as a weakling, a damsel in distress, out of her childish belief. That’s why she’s caring about me.

To her, we’re something to protect, out of a complex to make her feel better about herself. There’s no way she’d actually care for us. We can’t listen to her and feel vulnerable.

We were so pathetic last night. “I’m not falling for such a fragile pretense, Kotoko. You just see me like a weakling, like that girl, Keiko, was it? You’re no different than that man.”

They pointed at Shidou, who stared at them with a little heartbreak in his unc

This got straight to her heart, and she clenched her fist. “Stop that. That doesn’t matter. Caring about you aside, what about caring about your integrity as warden?”

This caught them off guard, as she brought up their own vulnerability, ignoring them. She’s bringing up the warden thing now. Are we going to survive this without having a mental breakdown?

That didn’t happen last time.

Yes, yes, we got this. Just ignore her words.

“You can’t be a good warden if you keep passing out like that. Even I slept when I was on the hunt; and I wasn’t the epitome of health. Shidou, you’re the health expert here.”

He cleared his throat. Are we just going to get scolded like this? “Alright, you’re 15, right?”

No response. Shidou continued on anyways. “I know full well you haven’t gotten nearly enough sleep in a while. Adults, yes, adults, can barely function on the amount of sleep you’ve been getting. And, you’re not even an adult.”

He shook his head, sighing. “You’ll do your work much faster on the highly recommended 8-10 hours.”

The warden detested this feeling, of being held down for something they knew full well was their fault, so they tried to avoid it. “I-”

Kotoko came to their defense, but also interrupted them, “In their defense… I don’t think their lack of sleep was fully their fault.”

Shidou turned to her, like a parent getting his authority questioned.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you were having nightmares, right?” Her tone was almost accusatory. This woman…

They stared between her and Shidou, classifying her as ‘insufferable’, the category in which Shidou and Amane already had an annual membership to.

Shidou’s anger melted, which was way worse than his previous anger. “Right… don’t you have to watch murder happen in front of your eyes? I mean, that would be nightmare material for anyone…”

The warden had no sensible defense for that, so they simply sat up while Kotoko was too off-guard to push them down and bunched themself together. “I don’t think that that’s any of your concern.”

“If that’s affecting your sleep quality, a small dose of sleep medication will really help, but… No, I suppose that the situation calls for it.”

I- no, we can’t accept anything non-essential from this man.

We’re losing ourself. We really need to get more sleep, but…

This is self-contradictory. How are we going to get out of this one?

The stress of the situation was unmanageable. But, I can’t rely on anyone. But, I’ll have to rely on someone if I can’t sleep.

Okay, but we can’t cry, too. It’s just what we have to do.

This is so stressful.

They teared up, despite their best wishes. We- I can’t do this anymore.

They started to sniffle, but couldn’t exactly stop their tears. They’re going to see us during the interrogation, and this is all they’re going to think about.

We’re so pathetic, Milgram should just replace-

No, no, what am I thinking? I- we can’t do any of that. We can’t think like that. We are no use to Milgram dead.

Surely if Milgram didn’t want us, they could just get rid of us. Like they did Mahiru’s body.

Her body was never in the garbage, so where else could she have gone.

So, Milgram must care somewhat for me. We’re useful.

No reason to be crying. We’re alright.

Shidou reached out to them, trying to pat them on the shoulder, and they slapped it, as harshly as it could. “Get away from us.”

The cycle restarted.

But, they couldn’t exactly leave. So, they simply hissed threats under their breath, to try their best to get the two interferences away from them.

They’re the causes of this inept weakness.

Kotoko sighed. “Jeez. Listen, we’re not going anywhere, and you can’t even do any lasting damage to us; calm down.” A little bit of bitterness slipped into her voice.

Shidou shook his head, trying to gently approach them, to wipe their tears. They hit him away, truly set off.

Their eyes drooped, but they forced them open. We’re in danger right now. These are murderers.

Though, they did know, deep down, we’re the only danger here, to ourself.

“Es, please, we can’t keep doing this.”

I’m the warden. We’re the warden. We’re the warden. “We’re the warden.” It was a hoarse whisper.

“Christ, they’re insane.” Kotoko looked mildly horrified. “This isn’t Es, isn’t it?”

The two adults stood on opposite sides of their bed, within hitting range, but their reactions were delayed.

The walls began to grow eyes, due to their sleep deprivation. They stared back, as if challenging the audience to question their authority.

The eyes started to close. They’re scared of me, aren’t they? They don’t like me, don’t they? 

Will they stop watching now? If they don’t like us, we’ll be rejected as well.

Are we interesting? Are we good entertainment?

That’s our purpose, as the prison warden of Milgram.

They shoved and beat down their last shards of discontentment.

a/n: they literally can’t act tough anymore they’re so sleep deprived 💀#get this kid some therapy that’s not two adults with savior complexes PLEASE-

(@kani-miso)