#<- until sam&ruby at least>3> thinkinnggggg about them

[deadgirlsam]

some more layla >.>

+ sam being one of the psychic kids and lucifer's vessel and azazel + lilith + ruby paying special attention to him makes layla SEETHE with envy and rage. in her pov she wants to be special so fucking bad and sam is simply given what she's fought so hard to reach? and he hates it? this is who they've chosen? this pathetic self righteous mess who can't stomach the thought of being evil, who hasn't wrangled his own humanity and stamped it dead like she has?

actually i don't think i've spoken about layla (my self-insert oc!!) at all on here ^.^ some long rambles abt her!

she's a witch!! her parents were killed by demons on orders of lilith when she was young but rather than dedicating her life to hunting them, she dedicated her life to worshipping lilith.

ruby being lilith's most trusted gives layla this insane mix of jealousy envy admiration hatred love etc etc that just manifests as obsession. she simultaneously thinks she's better than ruby for remaining mortal and still following orders (she thinks she's special ♡) but that she'll never live up to ruby's level with her human soul still binding her here. she wants to become just like ruby and live under her skin but still wants praise for her individuality. she wants sooooooo badly to be evil and wretched but still prides herself on her morality and guilt. my fucked up little munchkin!!

during s3 when ruby allies herself with the winchesters she takes it as the highest betrayal and swears to kill ruby in lilith's name, and since layla can't communicate with lilith without a demon (ruby) present, she's left alone with nothing but her own conviction to guide her. s4 is the height of her relationship with ruby- hiding behind layla's hatred and rage is broken trust, and she truly believes killing ruby is a mercy and an act of love, because when lilith finds her she'll do so much worse.

then there's the matter of meeting sam and how that changes her ^_^ layla has ruby on one shoulder signifying the life she's built for herself with bloodied shaking hands and sam on the other signifying the life she made sure she could never deserve (but god, does she want it.)