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deobis · 4 years

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Road to Kingdom Episode 5-6 Thoughts

Alright I have procrastinated so hard on this that the next episode comes out in less than 6 hours LOL It’s okay though because there are only 3 performances to rank so it shouldn’t take too long.

Enjoyment Ranking:

The Boyz (woo! they’re back at the top haha) x Oneus

TOO x Verivery

Pentagon x ONF

Objective Ranking:

The Boyz x Oneus

Pentagon x ONF

TOO x Verivery

TBZ and Oneus really surprised me this time. I really went in with no expectations because I had no idea what they would do this time. But they really put on a musical for this performance. I love how they slightly altered the meaning of Heroine while keeping the core message in tact. Sunmi herself has said that Heroine is the preface to Gashina and is talking about the ex-lover. She tells the ex-lover to be themselves and continue to go on because they are their own main character, even if she gets hurt in the process. This message is clearly conveyed in TBZxOneus’ version of the song. However, instead of an ex-lover, the hero/heroine is every single trainee out there, whether they make it to debut or not. Sunmi’s Heroine is a very bittersweet song and One Voice really brought out the bittersweetness of trainee life while also managing to send and uplifting message. They changed some of the lyrics but not too much and I thought the bgm arrangement was just enough. It wasn’t overbearing and perfect for their whole vibe. What I loved most was the fact that they used 5 TBZ members and 6 Oneus members. I believe if there were more the performance would not have gone as well. The whole point was to pair them up and put on little musical skits. If they had used more TBZ members it would have been a little overbearing and they wouldn’t be able to put out the little storylines because there wouldn’t be enough screen time for everyone. There are so many little details that you would only be able to notice after watching many times. Let me just list a few:

In the beginning where Sunwoo is writing lyrics, he gets a call. This call is from his parents, which is why he raps his first verse like a conversation (if you listen you will notice his first verse is more ‘spoken’ while his second part is far more like a rap verse). The little phone call detail makes his rap all the more meaningful as it is something he himself has experienced.

The TV’s in the background are all playing the Heroine MV

Seoho and Chanhee’s part are clearly an audition, the dancers in the chairs represent judges

The song begins to pick up perfectly during Changmin and Hwanwoongs part, they are training and about to debut. This is why Changmin is allowed to smile

Ravin and Juyeon’s part seems seems self explanatory, just backstage before they are about to perform

Now what’s interesting is Chanhee’s next part. I don’t know if any of you noticed but all the clothes the backup dancers hold up are things TBZ has worn at concerts/performances before, this was a super cute touch that only fans who have been following TBZ closely for a long time would notice

Other parts like the part where Sunwoo doesn’t go up on stage seems very obvious so I’ll refrain from talking about that

Anyways there were just so many small details in the entire performance. Plus I believe this was the first performance that heavily focued on vocals rather than dance and surprise factor. Sangyeon’s harmonies were *chefs kiss* and the high notes by Chanhee and Seoho at the end were perfect.

TOO x Verivery only get second because I liked their performance more than PTG x ONF. The only difference between their stage and BTS’ MV was the fact that it had an army/war theme. The whole mob dance is something BTS does very often. The arrangement wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t memorable. It only picked up for me during the dance break and after that towards the end with the whole flag thing.. it just felt really abrupt and out of place. It was honestly kind of awkward. I know they focused on dance because BTS is well known for their choreographies but I really felt like they could have done more with the entire performance. The camera literally just went around in circles and since they had numbers there were just different formations. I do think it was a good performance and they really brought up the energy that BTS has but idk, it just felt like more could have been done.

Now onto the Kill this Love performance... God where do I start. First of all, I did not like the arrangement one bit. Objectively speaking it was probably the best arrangement of the 3, but I just didn’t like it. Unlike the other two groups, I think they changed it too much. KTL is originally a song empowering people who go through tough breakups (this is clear through Lisa’s first verse and Rose’s second), yet they arranged the song to be a horror/thriller that seemed to revolve around a longing for someone that was lost. The empowerment was erased and idk it just didn’t sit right with me. I also couldn’t really follow the storyline? Like? All I got was that there were women and they were in love but something something things weren’t going well and then something something he still longed for her and tried to hold on but she like disappeared? I know a lot of people liked this performance (the views speak for themselves). I can see the effort and beauty of the performance as well but to me it didn’t do as well as Heroine.

What I’ve noticed is that shock factor is a big part to the rankings by the groups. This honestly disappoints me because art is not just about surprise factors. Art includes emotion and depth. This might stem from the fact that the forms of art I practiced were piano and ballet, which only reach peak beauty when emotion is poured into it. But I believe these RTK performances should be the same. Anything that can move an audience is a work of art. You don’t need to make people gasp in amazement to make something worth remembering. I know for sure the Heroine performance and PTG’s shine remix will be the performances that stay with me after RTK ends. The fact that Heroine and Shine didn’t do as well proved that emotional performances won’t win you points. This disappoints me since all of them are fellow artists. I’m not surprised at the rankings, but I’m definitely not happy about them either. TBZ and Oneus pulled off a performance that will stay with them for a lifetime so I guess ranking doesn’t matter anyways.

Whatever I’m salty cya guys in 5 hours for RTK ep 7 😋

#road to kingdom #the boyz #im not gonna tag the other groups bc i feel like ill #get attacked if the other fandoms read my critiques SDKJFHDKJFH #once again disclaimer and please take everything i write with a grain of salt #i try to be objective but i know i tend to bias tbz #anyways for the like 0 people who were waiting for this here you go

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rhondaadorno · 4 years

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Double Consciousness

“One ever feels his twoness, -- an American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.” ― W.E.B. DuBois, The Souls of Black Folk

For many years, I’ve dodged commitment to the identity of a writer because I’ve been afraid of the backlash that would come with my words. I tend to have an out-of-body experience when I put words on paper. They become 3D powerful images, a kind of synesthesia occurs, and arrows whistle towards a target...and there are always casualties.

So, I stopped writing, avoiding opinion articles, blogs like this one, essays, controversial FB posts, because, if people actually read what I had to say beyond the armor of poetry or a creative piece, they’d feel quite different about me as a black female. And I couldn’t risk that.

2.5 Words

I’ve been conscious of myself as a black female since the third grade. Once, I had forgotten something on the PE field, and while walking back to get it, a little boy, on the other side of a fenced in playground, yelled out to me, “you're black.”

2.5 words without an ounce of hostility or error in them.

He didn’t taunt or provoke me, but when I got back to the car, I just remember feeling... wrong. Not different, just faulty or wrong somehow.

I dreamed up a clever retort too late which was, “...black is a color in the crayon box.” I guess I’ve always been a creative and insightful thinker....

This boy was 6 or 7 years old, riding a schoolyard tricycle; I didn’t even know him.

Yet, after that non-hostile experience, I was terrified to walk by that playground again.

Remember, he only vocalized his observation that I am indeed black. I still recall those sharp feelings I felt despite the words being true and true.

But I wonder why he believed it was his prerogative to point it out, to make me notice I was not the same skin color.

Safely Black

This experience was pretty much my introduction to learning I was black. Of course I knew I was not white, but I didn’t know that other people, especially kids, cared that I was not white. From there, it was being laughed at because I said “ax” instead of “ask.” One of my classmates saying, “ew, gross” because of the product in my hair, which was touched without permission. Years later, it was the shade of my knees, which are darker than the rest of my legs. Now, it’s trying to decide if I should purchase a wig for an interview or self-identify on a job application, never sure if my natural hair or shade of melanin will be the undisclosed reason behind “not the right fit.”

From K - 12th grade, I attended predominantly white, private Christian schools. Overt racism never happened to me. Yet, not once did I ever feel safe among my teachers and friends to be a black female... to fully explore what that even means. I was always hiding something.

Yes, I had meaningful friendships and positive experiences, but never as my self.

I feel that I have lived my life dressed up by a host of unsolicited tailors specializing in the way I speak, how I present myself, how I must act inside of stores, the opinions I voice, and the list goes on.

I have learned how to become invisible and nondescript so that I can be “safely” black.

And it’s been to my detriment.

An Angry Black Woman

Many people are feeling shocked by the recent events caught on video and shared via social media. Without me even mentioning the race of this little boy, it will be inferred that he was white. Because, even if some “don’t see color,” everyone knows that Asians, Hispanics, Native Americans, Caucasians, and every other group of people, have worked very hard to point out how we are not the same skin color, and somehow a lesser pedigree of human, for generations.

Until a few days ago, I had remained pretty quiet on the topic of racial injustice--always looking for ways to share my experiences, relate my double consciousness to friends, while not offending anyone.

But right now, black people are being threatened and murdered on live cameras by white people.

And for some reason, despite my coveted relationships with white friends, for several years, I have nursed a fear that it would damage something between us if I commented on any news story about race.

I’ve believed it would alter our friendship if I became a fist-raised Black Power advocate. It would make things awkward if I were to steadily post black injustice on my newsfeed. That, if I said I’m so angry that police are killing little boys and young men, I would be viewed as, wait for it, an angry black woman. Nevermind the truth that I feel wrecked from my core; I’d just rather not make any waves.

That’s what’s been on my mind. Not exclusively the horror of the murders I’ve been stockpiling in my conscious since a young girl, but the fact that I actually know people who would eventually wish I’d stop posting the “angry racist stuff,” and stop trying to “take us back to the past.”

Bullets of Truth

But this is my own mess, my own web of nonsense because I have cultivated and catered to this twisted sense of peace among all men when I shonuff’ know there ain’t been no peace cuz no cops are walkin’ around viewing my black brothers as men.

My shame is that I know I have denied myself and my friends the conversations about what it really means to be black in America BEFORE we were shown these awful attacks. It’s not like I didn’t know it was happening.

But I have been so afraid to put my bullets of truth out there--mainly because you learn, way back in elementary school, when you are black, you just don’t talk about being black with white people because they will somehow make it about how they feel wronged and attacked. You just lock up that door and know what you know.

Except, I can’t feel anything but sick lately-- like I have to projectile vomit my self up from the place I’ve swallowed my self to become fiercely black, once and for all, and unabashedly own what that little boy “accused” me of being.

To finally say out loud, ”No, I am not the whitest black friend you know.”

To shoot down, “You sound white on the phone.”

To reject, “You don’t act like other black people.”

To refuse, “You’re very articulate for a black person.”

To say, “I’m disinterested in being the official tour guide of Black History month” because to be honest, I am still trying to understand what it means to even be black.

Black in America

My mother’s hard decision for my life was to go the route of private education on the other side of town, or attend the public schools we were zoned for in a less desired part of town (by no fault of the town, because lines were redrawn on purpose.) The outcome was me, immersed in a homogenous environment where I got a pretty decent education, but striving to fit in, losing my cultural heritage, pride and identity in progressive stages to the point my mother actually asked me in high school did I want to be white. Whenever I spent time in the black community, I couldn’t quite find my foothold there either, because they too thought I was “trying” to be white.

I don’t regret her choice, but I, as a parent, now know what choosing the first one meant. There are times I am not sure who I am when it comes down to the spectrum of black identity, and it’s sad, confusing, and alienating.

And honestly, I, along with many in my community, don’t have enough moments of peace to experience true self-discovery, to nurture who that person really is.

As soon as we’re proud of Barack and Michelle Obama or overjoyed about the historical Black Panther film or inspired by the shocking legacy of Katherine Johnson or choose to kneel with Colin Kaepernick or feel paranoid by the Confederate flag or unified under the banner of #BlackLivesMatter -- a whole lot of people, including the president of the United States, feel it’s their prerogative to tell us who we are for us [re:thugs]--and that narrative is never, ever good.

We are constantly trying to push it out, fighting cops for our kids’ lives, warding off suspicions, navigating extreme violence and poverty in our own community, and trying to prove our value and worth for school and career, while raising our babies to be proud of their skin color, our beautiful brown babies, who, as soon as they graduate Kindergarten, will cease to become non-threatening.

By the way, we are processing all of this, while watching white people protest masks and quarantine with assault rifles. In 2014, Tamir Rice was shot dead for having a toy gun. He was 12.

Under the Radar

So, I’ve come to this point, feeling like it’s crazy and impossible that I’m literally living through some of the things in my mother’s lifetime, that I must raise my daughter with a keen awareness that not all people are treated equally, even when the Constitution declares we are.

That I must actually teach her that even though the “colored only” signs are gone, the stone place of men’s hearts from where the words originated still exist. And they will mean it and enforce it with all the boldness of the Jim Crow era, just under the radar.

I’ve been trying to understand why in the world I am being so affected by this now, so much that it alters my mood and impacts productivity, why I feel like I have to force myself to be positive and hope for change. Is this what it also means to be black? To stir up my ancestors’ concoction of will, determination, resilience, and sing my own kind of Negro spiritual, and march my way to freedom? No wonder they were so strong!

I am cognizant of the fact that there are many great white men and women who work in the armed forces, and in law enforcement to protect all people in America. And I know there are those have worked in the past to abolish laws and helped to enact civil liberties for people of color.

I also know that it took the braveness from the likes of Frederick Douglas and Harriet Tubman and W.E.B. Dubois to shed light on the black experience...so together these powerful people could push change forward with a vengeance.

I am nowhere near as proficient in elocution as they, but this is my piece. I’m finally saying something about what it means to be black in America, but I am also feeling like that’s not enough.

The White Wall

I have many friends who are parents and who are educators and who are the complex cocktail of both.

Black people have not ever wanted to educate their white friends about what this terror feels like, and honestly, we shouldn’t have to because-- internet.

But I am realizing, with my own education in a predominately white environment, I didn't learn anything from my teachers about me and my world.

Nothing truly existed beyond the white wall--white writers, white poets, white leaders, white composers, white heroes, and Martin Luther King Jr.

From K - 12th grade, what I learned about the realities of being black wasn't taught by teachers or textbooks. The little I did learn was by being in the midst of my community, and eventually reading and pursuing and chasing after knowledge.

Therefore, it’s positively unrealistic to imagine that white people know much at all about the black experience. And both public and private education do not place importance on real diversity. Now, with the visual horror of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd, I venture to believe, for many white people, these past few weeks have been pretty much earth shattering.

But why is knocking down this wall and learning about the black experience (and other races and ethnicities) important?

When a white person’s basic lifestyle is free from external conflict, the tendency is to want to live there and only there. Problematically, she will grow increasingly out of touch with the world beyond her (and perhaps surrounding her if people of color have come into her world). But she will fail to see the good and the bad, except for this: negative media will only show her the bad, and tell her how to think, and what to believe about everyone else who looks different than her, subliminally, judgmentally, until eventually she behaves in the audacious, debased manner of Amy Cooper, a white woman who knew what the fatal consequences would be for a black man if she simply called the police to say she was feeling threatened, and to have had the presence of mind to wield it like a weapon.

A Gaping Chasm

Learning about the black experience is important because Amy Cooper probably did not wake up believing she was a racist or even had a racist bone in her body. But she knew that she was white and he was not, and in her anger, decided to weaponize her whiteness by calling the police on a black man, which depending what “bad apple” was on duty, could have ended his life--too.

That is how it works. It doesn’t always end in loss of life, but always ends in loss of masculinity, loss of spirit, loss of soul, loss of faith, loss of trust; it just ends in loss.

When you don’t fight to change the system, you become part of the system.

So, unless (or until) a white family has been very intentional, they and their children are not learning about the black experience.

Even when teaching my child about the origins of America and the Civil War and Reconstruction, I had to be intentional, essentially going back to school because there are things that were blatantly omitted from my years of learning and were still being omitted for hers if I did not break out from the wall.

To put this in perspective, I was in college when I learned there were accomplished black leaders besides Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks. I was in my 30s when I heard black women and NASA in the same sentence together.

My mom had Black America encyclopedias, and she wore her Afro proudly with a fist in the air, but she trusted my education to the school system--the private, Christian school system, and they emptied out all of the other crayons in the box, and asked me (and my classmates) to only color with the white crayon.

So, for white families, between choice of schools, places of worship, and by not having or seeking out any predominately black cultural experiences, there is a gaping chasm between us.

One that I’d like to lay a log across for my part.

Gateway for Change

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a sucker for kids. I’ll bleed for them. I’ve spent the better years of my life surrounded by them. And from them, I’ve learned they are not afraid to learn something new when it’s presented to them in a digestible manner. I’ve been thinking a great deal about kids lately--my nephews and nieces, my former English students and chess kids, my friends’ children....They have heard the chatter, seen our reactions, and may have even seen the same videos on YouTube.

All of these kids, our kids, are being shaped by this society, and they will one day become adults who must interact and deal with each other politically, socially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, economically, and mentally.

So who is educating them? Who is explaining empathy and justice and teaching love and acceptance? One thing this virus has taught our nation is that parents are capable of teaching their children too. No matter how great your school system is, they are not going to teach your children about race relations with any consequence.

Education is the single most important gateway for change. Yes, there are people who will perpetuate ignorance regardless because they are blocked in by their incestuous beliefs, but for those who wish to break out of that crippling heritage or emerge from the silos of their communities -- with empathy and insight, you have to learn something new and share the wealth.

You have to know what’s being taught inside the homes of black families, multi-racial families, Arab families, Asian families, and most recently, the Navajo nation. Buy books with diverse characters by diverse authors --for yourself, your children, your students. Watch films with diverse casts. Find positive images and media that celebrate the success and vitality of black excellence.

Listen to the lessons and conversations we've been having amongst ourselves for generations and still teach today. White society is not a bad society. Black society is not a bad society. We are not going to see eye to eye on many many things, but we can agree that every life is valuable.

I do not represent every black person, nor does every black person hold my same views.

But absolutely, we do not live or experience life the same way as our white friends and family. This truth is not a victimhood or disadvantage we seek to revel in or exploit, nor does it devalue the privileges others know and experience. Within our own community, we definitely have very real problems to address, but right now, daily life should not be a mental obstacle course that’s filled with active minefields laid out for us everyday.

Lately, it just feels like no matter what we do or don’t do, the fatalities are adding up, and wicked people in this country are treating the taking of our lives like points in a video game.

As you think about these words, and listen to the stories of these young black men, who are being hit the hardest with racial injustice, dare greatly to share widely within your community.

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“But we do not merely protest; we make renewed demand for freedom in that vast kingdom of the human spirit where freedom has ever had the right to dwell:the expressing of thought to unstuffed ears; the dreaming of dreams by untwisted souls.” ― W.E.B. DuBois

Pixabay photos used by permission. Video sourced by New York Times.

#blacklivesmatter #ahmaudarbery #george floyd

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thatlexplays · 7 years

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Dance for Nerds: Why I do it.

I’ve mentioned a few times on this blog that I’m a little weird as a person. I’m quirky, kinda sarcastic and obnoxious, and I make more pop culture references than I probably should (and I’m honestly not entirely sure how many people get my jokes) But when it comes to my craft as a choreographer and performer, I’m the weird guy who doesn’t get exclusively get inspired by the works of other choreographers before me. Why? Because I’m nerd of my senior class. When I got to college, I was a broadway nerd (I’m less of that now), and as the years went on, I became a gaming journalist and a hardcore nerd (I mean I made a post about choreography coming from Dungeons and Dragons...that’s peak nerd right there).

The major change in my life came with my roles at Zelda Universe. I started as a guide writer and in a turn of events that I did not expect, I ended up becoming the Media Director and an attendee to the Electronic Entertainment Expo (aka E3, the big event for the Gaming Industry). Going to E3 as a member of the press drastically altered how I compose myself because it forced me to step up to the plate and make myself seem professional. It was very weird the first year I went to E3 (2015), but by E3 2016, I felt comfortable calling myself a gaming journalist. As an artist, it also is incredibly interesting to talk to the developers of the games themselves and ask them what their process was and some of the reasoning behind their choices. My recent favorite is getting the chance to play Outlast II, a sequel to 2013′s surprise horror hit. During the demo, there was a particular jumpscare that got me so hard it actually made me scream in the middle of the show floor. When talking to the devs, they told me that that specific jumpscare is triggered by how fast your turn the camera, and NOT by touching a door, which allows the tension to continue to build up until you unwittingly set it off. That is genius.

Sadly, I’ve also gotten a lot of shit for being a dancer that plays video games. I’ve been told by a handful of family members (as well as a few faculty members at school) that I am not prioritizing myself and should be taking more inspiration from dance. Which is unfortunate because I feel like we don’t look at video games complexly. I’ve gotten so much crap for this that I’ve become really good at explaining why being a dancer who plays video games is valid. And because I am currently sitting on a flight for three hours: I figured it would interesting to write about it.

First of all, there’s the obvious answers of storyline, art-style, and music. There are plenty of video games that do an incredible job at creating a plot arc that is gripping and engaging. For me, some of the memorable games that do this incredibly well are The Last of Us, Bioshock, Bioshock Infinite, most of the Legend of Zelda titles, and most recently, The Last Guardian (which I still have to finish, but what I’ve played I’ve enjoyed). These are games that have a great score, and have story-lines that make me connect to the characters and find things to use as inspiration.

Then you have those games that also force you to make specific decisions that do have impact. Telltale is prastically know for this in their titles, but the one that’s had a lasting impact on me was Undertale. Undertale’s art-style mimiced that of Nintendo’s Mother/Earthbound series, and had an incredible, multi-faceted story that wasn’t afraid of being fun and kid-friendly one minute and then actively trying to fuck with your mind the next (there are even some movments near the end where the game takes a page out of Eternal Darkness and Arkham Asylum and crashes on purpose, just for good measure). The game also boasts a fabulous score, and it was one of the very few games (if not the only game) that I found a personal connection with. But what set the game apart from other RPG-style games was the primary mechanic of either sparing every enemy you meet or killing anything that crosses your path. The Pacifist and Genocide runs give two entirely different experiences and completely alter how NPCs view your character. Genocide goes one step further as well and activates a permanent flag in the game’s files upon completion, which alters the outcomes of future True Pacifist and Genocide Runs unless you go into the game’s files and delete the flag yourself (which is not as easy to do for the Steam version). This moral choice has so many different implications and is a very brilliant way of showing that every action has a consequence, which in dance, is an important rule.

But those aren’t the reasons why I play video games. There is one reason that outshines them all, and it can be consended into a quote by Robert Frost.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" -Robert Frost

If the countless hours of YouTube, Film, and Video game have taught me anything in the 22 years I’ve been on this Earth, it’s taught me that pretty much everything related to media shares a common aesthetic: life in motion. Whether it’s in the depths of outer space in Star Trek, a Deathclaw in Fallout 4, the Demogorgon from Stranger Things, or just two people chatting in a Starbucks, the act of existing in the world naturally evokes movement. Life doesn’t stop. Ever.

In video games, this is amplified depending on the game. Every character and enemy model has to have a specific way of traversing through space. Sometimes that’s as easy as using a reference (like spiders are common in games but they all move like actual spiders...also...fuck spiders). But in the cases of original enemies, somebody has to create a model and then think “Ok...so how would this character traverse through space?” Once you have that, then there are the specific and subtle nuances that all the characters should possess like Idle animations. That is all movement.

Case in point: look at the idle animation for Team Skull Grunts in Pokémon Sun and Moon.

Now this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in a Pokémon game. Easily. It’s so dumb that it’s absolutely hysterical. However, as dumb as it is, when I think of Team Skull now, I immediately start doing these arm gestures. I now associate Team Skull with that movement. As ridiculous as it is, it’s still movement.

Mankind is currently living in an era in which technology is evolving at a rapid pace. There is so much media in our lives we are pretty much drowning in it. As a result, everything can connect to movement, regardless of sentience or whether or not we can actually see it.

As a citizen living in a country where everything is about to drastically change come January 20th, the arts now have an important role to serve our society and create meaningful work. If we look complextly at the video game industry, we come to realize how much goes into it and how much you can use as a jumping-off point for anything.

And that is something I intend to do--I am interested in deconstructing current media and technology down to a series of movement principles to create work (either performed live or produced as films) that not only references the culture, but also comments on it as a way of showing the complexity of modern existence through technical and natural movement. I’m also interested in utilizing technology like Twitch to create work that puts control into the hand of the audience.

Maybe I’ll figure out a way to make this work...or maybe I wont. But it’s worth a shot.

#everthingisart #videogamesareart #dancenerd #moderndance

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