#[ character study: kuroha satsuki ]

[episentre]

Tell me pretty lies, look me in my face, tell me that you love me even if it's fake ; and you can lead me on and leave these question in my sheets, I'm under it, I made my bed and I'm still wondering ( all time low's MONSTER ) and it's hard to believe that it's me that you're missing, now you're trying to speak and I don't wanna listen ; cause you're a LET DOWN, LET DOWN ; give me one reason to make it right, anything at all but another try ; cause you're a LET DOWN, LET DOWN, so we're DONE ( palisade's LET DOWN ! ) you hit me like a riptide, but I never noticed cause you always kept it under disguise, lifted up the curtain let me see what goes on in the inside, all of the lies and deceit, an ugly mess you created in me, something you knew I could never clean, I'll handle it some day ( unlike pluto's RIPTIDE )

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how are you ruined?

                                        T R A U M A 

you cannot get over the past. you are constantly remembering, never forgetting. you cant live in the moment because the moment is not what brought you here. you are birthed, raised, and killed in the past. you will never get over what was done to you, be it big or be it small. you cannot escape what you refuse to confront.

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Random injury metas i probably threw around but never actually compiled:

Shirogane ↳ has uneven alignment of his knuckles, not noticeable unless compared ↳ has scars on the palmar aspect of his fingers, not noticeable ↳ has a metal plate in his right humerus after suffering a spiral fracture, not noticeable but it actively starts aching when he’s been out and soaked in the rain/snow for too long.

Kuroha ↳ has stitches on her scalp, not noticeable unless you feel through the roots, then it’s very obvious, like following a trail. ↳ has a surgical burr hole on the left temple, residual scar not noticeable due to mesh covering & bone healing & covering by hair ↳ has an intramedullary nail in right fibula, cosmetically noticeable and is why she’s always wearing tights or mid-calf boots to hide it, has a tendency to start randomly aching at night, presenting as a restless leg syndrome. 

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LOVE HEADCANONS

    KUROHA SATSUKI EDITION

as suggested by @shackledsculs​ 

     Liking someone is complicated. As someone who wavers on the asexual side of the spectrum, she rarely, if ever, feels like she likes someone. There may be intermittent crushes but they last only a handful of days. Her inhibitions also come from a previous relationship that she was coerced into where, in ‘exchange’ for her comfort in terms of asexuality, she was overtly cheated on with for almost the entire duration. However, the cheating wasn’t the trigger for the breakup, as she’d come to accept that she never really could completely be there for anyone and that being cheated on was a natural consequence. As a result, her faith in relationships has soured quite a bit to the point of being a cynic, not just to prevent anything like that happening again, but also to make people think she has incredibly high standards and not that her asexuality tends to isolate her when it comes to relationships. 

     When it comes to being in an established relationship, the best way for it to start would be as a friendship. She would rather confide in a friend about her misgivings and problems and then see how it goes from there, rather than start as a romance right away, only for it to come crashing down at step one of “no, I don’t really feel any attraction to you but we can try”. That, and friends will always be a priority for her when it comes to caring for them. As a result, asking for dates wouldn’t be that hard for her; it’ll just be like going out with a friend and just having fun. She would be the type to initiate fun dates, like parks and carnivals and festivals and aquariums and would silently expect the other person to take her on formal / fancy dates (but she wouldn’t complain at all if they don’t, she’s really flexible when it comes to these types of things. I mean come on, if she’s fine with being cheated on, there’s a lot of things her s/o could get away with tbh).

     It’s the little things that make her realize she’s fallen in love, like when her s/o accommodates for her or hold true to their little promises. It’s one of those small but sudden realizations that she keeps getting over the course of the relationship and it’s honestly a really nice feeling for her (whenever it happens). Some weird things she does when she has a crush include obsessively stalking / observing the crush in an effort to pick out something wrong with them and thus end the crush. It’s a very successful measure and is why her crushes only last a handful of days before they slip up and do something ‘awful’. As a result, it’s usually impossible for her to develop the crush further and that makes falling in love with anyone ‘out of her reach’ even more impossible.

     Therefore, lovesickness would probably be when she can’t be with her s/o, like if they go long distance or have to suddenly break up or something of that sort happens where there’s still attachment. If she can constantly text them, she will. Otherwise, she has a tendency to wallow in an almost depressive state which includes not going out, not looking very lively, not being very talkative anymore. It’s a very obvious change in her demeanor for those around her and if they know even vaguely what’s going on, they can piece things together. 

     Kuroha loves dressing up and wearing jewelry and makeup and heels and everything, she would absolutely love to use her s/o as an excuse to look even more attractive than usual. If they have any requests in terms of looks or aesthetics or styles, she will do it and she will nail it perfectly. She’ll do pretty much anything they want if she thinks it’ll make them happy, since seeing them happy would, in turn, make her content. That’s one of the pros of being in love for her, that she has someone who is genuinely interested in her and she just thrives with that particular type of attention and affection, especially when she can turn it back and create a loop of warm fuzziness of ‘I make them happy, it makes me happy’. And that leads us to the cons of being in love: that she would be willing to let anything slide and would do anything she can for them, she could be coaxed into murder if that’s what it takes. She definitely loses a great deal of rationality when it comes to anyone she loves and it’s a very easy way to sort of unhinge her and manipulate her into getting in a lot of trouble.

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     the first time shirogane murders executes was definitely An Event. the incident itself wasn’t a big deal ( he’s a seasoned detective, he knows what to look for and so he can construct a seemingly perfect crime scene and even pin it on someone else entirely esp with his involvement on both sides ) and neither was the investigation. once the thrill of killing & escaping, especially the ease of both, wore off, he pretty much went crashing down really fast because he had to tell someone and he realized: he couldn’t tell anyone, at least, not without slowly approaching the subject and checking if the other person would be (1) capable of dealing with such news and (2) wouldn’t be an added burden on him, whether it’s their horror or them trying to guilt him or just in general making the issue bigger than it already was. it’s here that he realizes just how harmful his brash decisions are: he had jumped into something without having any idea just how much commitment & how much thought and planning it really needed. he started having a lot of nightmares, mostly involving telling someone and the bad outcome it would have had on his relationships, something he treasures too much to destroy them consciously with his own actions. there is definitely a degree of regret, not for the act, but for getting too heated and too involved and jumping without checking if he could even survive. anyway, he ended up going completely quiet, his food intake decreased drastically, he started having a lot of trouble concentrating on even following conversations, not to mention how he started taking a lot of leaves just to sleep it all off, it started worrying a lot of people, especially when he just refused to talk and would get upset on people scrutinizing his behaviors and trying to come up with a reason for his abrupt change. ofc kuroha instantly understood what was going on because his pattern of behavior was something she was deeply familiar with as it’s the same pattern she has so she was able to treat him in a way that genuinely made him feel ‘less’ empty, not to mention the fact that she communicated to others on how to deal with him which included not talking about how he’s doing / not asking him how he is / and not berating him for being unable to follow and keep up with regular conversation. she didn’t try to figure out what had happened to trigger this although she did offer that he could tell her / write to her and she’d help him, but she never pushed him to do it.

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Anyway the other Sunday hc I was thinking about for Kuroha was a meta about love vs need and the fact that Kuroha thrives on need. Between ‘I love you’ and ‘I need you’, it’s the latter that gives her a power trip, the fact that someone needs her? And she voluntarily chooses to help? She thrives off of it. For her, to hear ‘I love you’ just gives her this internal dialogue of “okay, so what?” cause the words in that phrase focuses on the person saying it rather than her. Whereas ‘I need you’ implies that she’s the one in the spotlight and I can’t say this enough, she thrives off of attention and power, which is exactly what this phrase gives her.

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anyway since it’s technically sunday: kuroha is absolutely the type of person to model / show off dresses and lingerie and jewelry that someone buys her, but it’s all on a no touch policy .-. she will absolutely encourage sugar daddy/mommy behavior because deep down, she’s still a brat who oohs and aahs at shiny things because she’s very materialistic in her early verse and if someone’s willing to provide, she’ll milk it for all it’s worth. however, a point to be noted: she also gets bored very quickly so it’s really difficult for her to stay entertained for very long, especially when there’s no emotional or sexual interest in it for her, she just likes screwing people around, taking what she can and giving nothing in return.

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THE SECOND WEDDING

Ages: Saya Kiyoko (29), Yuujin Hamada (23), Shirogane (25) and Kuroha (21) Satsuki

This wedding was very private. Taking place at the Satsuki estate, on the sprawling lawns and during the warmer autumn days, the guest list was much much smaller and many people didn’t even know it was happening. The reason for such a small event was preference as well as the fact that Saya’s father had been diagnosed with cancer and was not doing well so the need for a relatively stress-free event that didn’t focus on appearances and was casual & comfortable was a major requirement.

Saya wrote the vows herself, Amy designed the dresses and the venue and she went all out with the flowers and ribbons and also the food, arguably, the entire affair was planned out and executed way better than the first wedding.

Kuroha, at this time, was in a relationship with Ryuu but she didn’t invite him and didn’t tell him about the wedding at all. He found out quite later and it really aggravated him, as he is the kind of person who wants to continuously climb the social ladder and while he initially focused on Kuroha as a ‘trophy wife’ to further his own agenda, the wedding and the implications of meeting her family meant he could potentially leech off of their social standing. Kuroha, on the other hand, hadn’t thought about this at all, she just didn’t like Ryuusei from the start and didn’t want him to meet her family and make them seem ‘official’. This is a stark contrast from how Ryuusei treated her: he would take her out almost every month to dinner with his mother ( a famous actress from the black&white tv era who was now diagnosed with Alzheimer’s ).

Instead, she spent the wedding casually flirting with Yuujin as they recounted various memories throughout the years since the last wedding. Here, Yuujin relates to her about how he’s been growing distant from his family since he knows he is adopted and how his studies and career as a lawyer have been taking up a lot of his time, how Saya’s previous marriage turned out to be a bone of contention in their household ( as Saya was the one who would mediate between her father and Yuujin and with her absence, the tension between the two ran high as Yuujin had never been directly exposed to their father’s behavior & expectations, how the pressure of his cancer diagnosis affected Yuujin and how Saya’s miserable marriage made both, their father and Yuujin, just as miserable ).

The wedding was cut short as Saya’s father’s health took a turn for the worse, prompting the affair to wrap up quickly with Shirogane, Saya, Saya’s father and Kuroha driving back to the city to the hospital. During the drive, Kuroha was the one who kept Saya’s father stable enough to reach the hospital. Yuujin, having been left behind, ends up reflecting about how maybe he just isn’t a part of this family anymore and that it was time that he lets go of them. He doesn’t admit it, but he is very scared of losing his adoptive father and that is the main reason why he starts distancing himself from them, pre-emptively cutting ties at his own pace rather than have a sudden announcement of death.

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     TO DESECRATE THE DEAD

     Kuroha does not like to tell people that she works as a forensic pathologist because of all the negative connotations that come with it. Instead, she only mentions about the part-time job she has at a local clinic as a general practitioner, so as to avoid the stigma. 

     Most people, when they find out she conducts autopsies, recoil visibly and start keeping their distance from her. To the average person, she is mutilating and disrespecting the dead, which is an offense grave enough to be shunned for. Kuroha, however, does not think of her job as desecrating the dead, but rather letting the dead tell the story they couldn’t say when they were alive, she genuinely thinks she’s doing a service to the dead. However, as an entire concept, it is something only appreciated by the police department she works with and the families of the victims on her autopsy table who want closure.

     So while it is an integral part of her life, it’s not something she openly talks about, except to people who she thinks should know-- which is not a whole lot of people outside of her work life. 

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Plot concept:

Where your muse is friends with Kuroha but she’s pretty and nice so it’s not that hard to feel more than that so one day, maybe you’re tipsy or maybe it’s a mood, you’ve ended up crossing the lines just a little bit, it’s just one kiss and she blushes and smiles but then becomes grave as she clasps your hand and says “I care about you a lot, which is why I’m going to tell you this: don’t waste your time and energy on me”. The look of confusion on your face prompts her to continue. “Something inside me is broken. I can’t feel what other people feel or what you’d expect me to feel. And you don’t deserve to be lied and faked to”. There, that’s it, that’s the plot.

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I want someone to smooch Kuroha like this but that’s impossible cause it implies she opens up to reveal her vulnerability instead of keeping up her “I’m perfectly fine” stance and that’s just something she doesn’t want to do.

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hi im here to tell u that kuroha and shirogane have very similar types which consists of 1. dark hair (dark browns and blacks, thanks) 2. conventionally attractive in a way that conforms to traditional gender presentation (eg men with short hair and dressing with dull colors in terms of aesthetics, women with long hair who wear pretty dresses and jewelry) 3. not taking their bs but also knowing when to cave in and roll with it. that’s it, that’s the post.

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@brucene replied to your post “Plot concept:”

and what if said person decides to take a chance on her?

----- it depends on the person and how they’d interact because the first thing she’d do (if they insist that they want to take a chance) is ask a ton of questions, all along the range of stuff like “why do you want to take a chance” “what else is there do you want outside of the scope of friendship” and just overall trying to figure out if they really realize what they’re agreeing too. 

     but on the good side of this is that there are a couple of things about her that should be taken into account, being that (1) she’s not going to ‘get bored’ or anything like that because there is emotional value which is something very important to her (2) she’s not going to try to fake it, like she usually does. That said, it really blurs the lines for her, at some point she might have a hard time figuring out if she’s faking or if it’s for real, she may go into an existential crisis every time she has the dokis u_u because she’s going to be trying so hard to be genuine and true to the other person that she is absolutely going to end up second and third guessing herself every step of the way.

     but she will absolutely let the other person take a chance and she’ll give them the best chance she can because if she cares for them, then she will want to give at least that to them. And if they decide to end things / that it just doesn’t work out, she’s absolutely going to be okay with it. Transitioning between friends to something more and then back to just friends is very very easy for her. 

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THE FIRST WEDDING

Ages: Saya Kiyoko (22), Yuujin Hamada (16), Shirogane (18) and Kuroha Satsuki (14), Ren Tetsuya (20).

Akira Satsuki was invited because he is close friends with Saya’s father, they have a mentor/student relationship that spans decades of academic and professional work. Akira brought along Shirogane (who had just gotten into med school) and Kuroha (who would be starting high school that year). This was their first time showing up to a high profile event.

While the wedding was high profile, it was not open to the public. Lavishly set in an expensive hotel, it was a social event that people fought to get into.

Shirogane and Kuroha spent most of the time sitting in a corner and talking to each other ( mostly judging what people were wearing, how potentially rich someone might be, how snobbish the other youngsters looked ) and debating how many bottles of coke Shirogane could down in five minutes. Yuujin later joins them ( forced to sit at their table thanks to their respective fathers ) and a coke-drinking-competition ensues.

While fetching more bottles of coke, Kuroha stumbles over Ren Tetsuya who decides to watch the competition. Yuujin wins. There’s an uproar that makes everyone stare daggers in their direction. Ren Tetsuya makes himself scarce, Yuujin decides to explore the hotel with Kuroha ( they discover the pool, the sauna and the gym and also got to eat cake in the hotel’s kitchen ) while Shirogane gets scolded by Akira.

The groom ( Saya’s ex ) also later drops by to tell Akira to give Shirogane a break ; boys will be boys. Shirogane is left seething– mostly because not only was the coke drinking competition not his idea ( it had been Kuroha’s ) but he had also not won so he was reasonably upset with his sister and his father on the way home. Kuroha thinks it’s hilarious and Akira privately agrees, but he later apologizes to Shirogane.

Overall, the wedding was a success although Akira did come to the conclusion that his children were not quite ready for high society.

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                  EXERCISE

     You think she puts effort into it? The only reason she’ll skip the subway and go home walking in heels or lace up sneakers for a run or be seen anywhere near a gym is when her pants won’t button up or her dresses are getting tight around the waist. She doesn’t care about the pounds and the weight, she cares about her wardrobe!

     On that same note, she won’t diet or change anything at all-- she’s gonna keep on eating whatever whenever however, but she’ll definitely start racking up the miles and kilometers on her health app, just to fit into her clothes again. As a result, she’s on this up and down cycle that most people don’t really notice that much, because it happens so often, they just assume she’s always jogging and running ( heels, sneakers, pumps, its all the same to her ) but in her opinion, her exercise routine is very calculated.

     Even though stopping the exercise makes her pants start giving trouble again within a week.

—– as suggested by @cadcnce​  

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                                                                               FLOWERS

     An interest cultivated thanks to her mother’s diligent work on her father’s farmland estate, Kuroha has not just a green thumb when it comes to plants and flowers, but also a keen sense of aesthetics. Although her apartment in the city is small ( one bedroom, one bath ), she makes do with the lounge area and the adjacent balcony, keeping potted plants both indoor and outdoor where they could easily bask in the daylight. 

     Most of the flowers she grows are roses and jasmines. When people visit her place for the first time (and if she has the balcony door closed ), the scents can be described as bordering sickly, an almost overpowering floral smell that can induce transient headaches, hence why she often leaves the balcony doors open whenever someone comes in for a visit. 

     She trims and cuts regularly and even purchased a set of ribbons and wrappings to create her own bouquets which she brings to work ( sometimes the hospital, sometimes the morgue, sometimes the police station ) to brighten up the place. The smaller quantity of flowers creates a much more soothing scent and people often look forward to seeing the new batch she brings in every few days. She’s never gifted them to any singular person and it’s a long-running joke that she’s a gal who won’t be impressed by flowers. 

—– as suggested by @thx-memorabilia​