#[[and why he's the softest shittiest rhys]]

[saintadonis]

i’m feeling extra gay in this chili’s tonight

something that i think about a lot with val and that i don’t think he even realizes is like.. how much love is his main driving force and the reason behind every big decision he’s ever made? all he sees at this point is wrongdoing and selfishness, and while there is DEFINITELY a lot of that he’s responsible for, it wasn’t exactly his intention to begin with? at least for its own sake

pretending he had no family when he got hired by hyperion? he thinks he abandoned them. but he wanted to protect their identities so they couldn’t be used as leverage against him. he LOVED them too much to risk them. 

his career goals? yeah, he wanted to grow rich and powerful in hyperion! when he was young he LOVED hyperion for what it stood for in his mind. it was at the forefront of robotics as far as he was concerned. guess what robotics is? his one, true, sheer and fierce passion!!

the money and the power he wanted to gain from it? less about the money and power and more about what they would give him the means to protect. you guessed it -- the PEOPLE HE LOVED. with money he could give them comfortable lives. with power he could guarantee their safety. even jack he admired because he loved, in a fucked up way. jack was the embodiment of that capability to do anything he set his heart to. THAT’S THE THING -- not his mind, HIS HEART!!! he willfully ignored the horrible things jack did to pandora and to hyperion employees because HE LOVED HIM. he only changed his mind when holojack threatened people that he loved more intimately! fuck, don’t even get me started on how many shitty things val did in hyperion because of how much he loved vaughn and wanted him to be happy!

on pandora, he trusted fiona and sasha because he loved them! they were family! he saved yvette on helios because even though she sold him out,  guess what?? HE LOVED HER!! SHE WAS HIS FRIEND!!!

after the crash, he was fucking miserable because he thought EVERYONE!! HE!!! LOVED!!!!!! betrayed him or died!! the only thing that kept him going in atlas was his love and dream of robotics!! but without the people he loved it was just about meaningless! 

but even after everything got sorted out, he kept his distance from everyone. they all had successful, happy lives without him, in spite of him, in cases like vaughn’s. he loved them and didn’t want to force them to live in the shadow of his will because he finally fucking recognized it. IT WAS STUPID AND MISGUIDED but he did it out of love!!!

he grew close to them again because the friends he made in the early years of this blog -- SURPRISE!!! -- SHOWED HIM LOVE!! showed him he could be fucked up but still give and receive love!!! and god did he DESPERATELY crave love!! because he ALWAYS HAD AND ALWAYS WOULD LIVE FOR LOVE!!!

and LEAVING PANDORA!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!! he LEFT BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE FOR VAUGHN!! vaughn told val he didn’t want to see him die on pandora and that was the fucking INSTANT val agreed to leave!! because he loved vaughn too much to put him through his worst nightmare!!!! 

and, again, however misguided, he destroyed EVERY PIECE of atlas intel, tech, blueprints, prototypes, munitions, ANYTHING that could possibly EVER be used to harm a human being because. he fucking. LOVED. the people he knew on pandora, LOOKING AT FIONA AND SASHA. and he would never have forgiven himself if one single gun, bullet, turret, drone, sharp piece of scrap metal that HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR was used to hurt them. he gave up the only thing that kept him alive in the years he was completely alone because he loved them too much to risk them. [and this was probably the only instance he’s outright aware of this -- that he mindfully decided he would do this sad, destructive thing specifically out of love for fiona and sasha. he knew what he was giving up, he knew the money and power he could get from rebuilding atlas and he does not regret surrendering it, even though he hurt people in the process. no one will EVER convince him he did the wrong thing here. i’m proud of him for this one little thing]

val ACTS LIKE HE’S ONLY EVER MADE HORRIBLE, SELFISH DECISIONS because he thinks he’s innately a cold, calculating, unfeeling, terrible person who does terrible things solely for the sake of causing misery!!! and don’t get him wrong, he has DEFINITELY done that at times, and he DOES pick and choose who + what he loves, but THE BOTTOM LINE is that he is a SOFT, SAPPY, S E N T I M E N T A L LITTLE BITCH that LOVES too hard for anyone’s fucking own good!!! and it makes me so mad!!!!!!!! he doesn’t fuckng have the self awareness to realize it!!!! he isn’t capable of that kind of introspection!!!

i gues the tl;dr is VALL IS FUCKING STUPID AND I HATE HIM

i hope to think that one day when he is successful with a “small” cybernetic surgery practice he will finally fucking realize that slow, hard-earned, delayed gratification and gentle, mindful love was the right choice for him