#[☂️] soup anon / 💜

[hematomes]

that outfit sounds sooo sexy wish i could see it tbh.. but yeah it was me i was feeling a bit ~poetic~ and you're a great muse<3 plus i wanted to write sumn about april and april is Your Month

~soup

ask and u shall receive

you're adorable cries, this made me forget abt the unholy weather AND <333 nah fr it's so good thank u for that

[hematomes]

hi naos!!

good job on that exam! come on lemme give you some headpats<33

i also did an attachment style quiz yesterday (although i think it was a different one) and got anxious/preoccupied haha high five (lord help us)

I skipped school today & yesterday and omg. you have no idea how great of a couple days I've been having. I've been productive, my heart's lighter and afternoon classes are going great.

it's been weird. feeling good feels weird jsjjd sometimes i space out and it's like im being shown a glimpse of the future. this year has even so terrible!!!! so there can only be better days ahead. for you and me both<3

it wasn't actually my plan to skip today but i slept through my alarm and I was like,,,,, fuck it. but anyway i don't actually think not going to school single-handedly perfected my entire life, but you know what it's been a while since I've felt this good and im not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

now how have you been sweets? (my tummy's rambling and im trying to calculate whether it'd be best to snack and eat lunch later or just have an early lunch...)

~soup

hhh thank you soup <33

HELPP zkdkz im hovering between anxious and avoidant like... i just can't function in a relationship ig, that would be too much work for the other side (fair)

im glad you got to feel good, you deserve it <3 and you're right it can only get better from now on!!

honestly taking a few days off can just. fix everything ngl. so yeah, just enjoy it

what did you decide to do in the end? :0

[hematomes]

joke or not i, for one, would not be opposed to a kiss or two. btw did you know my lip balm is cherry-flavored? and i have very soft lips? im not mentioning this for any reason.

jk jk (or not) anyways i gotta go study, might drop in later to complain:') have a nice day sweets<33

~soup

ZNDKZK damn cherry flavored... noted, suddenly its my favorite fruit

hhhh good luck soup, come back anytime you want <333

[hematomes]

mentally i'm sitting with you on a nice patch of grass in the sun, writing on a notebook but staring at you so much you'd think I'm drawing you, and you reach over to see what I'm so occupied with and i go into panic mode, hugging the notebook in my chest trying to play it cool like "I'll show you once it's done, be patient" and you laugh and the sun shines brighter

~soup

and then we kiss with tongue /j

IM SO SORRY IT WAS TOO TEMPTING ZBDJZ BUT. that's one hell of a vision i actually need this to happen

[hematomes]

jfjajfjsjdjsjs you look so fucking good in that sweets i feel. blessed. renewed. the little poet in my head who was envisioning a pic nic scene as the backdrop for that poem is sweating profusely, grabbing the tablecloth, gay-panicking.

~soup

ZNDKZK thank u///

pls i need that picnic right now, ill even put some extra effort and wear make up

[hematomes]

btw, don't ask how i know but im certain you'd look great in a white button up

~soup

IT WAS YOU

i do have a white button-up. i think i have a pic somewhere of an outfit i only wear on Special occasions and it's this + a black corset and ngl methinks it looks nice

ANYWAY SOUP????? AYO

[hematomes]

wait. i was brushing my teeth and realized i called sasaki the male lead. this is a gay anime. they're both male. they're both male leads. they're both—

it's ok soup i knew what you meant zbdjz

[hematomes]

*knocks down door, bowl of salad in one hand, barely holding back tears* NAOS HAVE YOU WATCHED SASAKI & MIYANO

~soup

i haven't :(( i read some of the manga but i don't remember much zndkz

[hematomes]

good morning naos!

hdjsjf I didn't mean to make you sad with my previous ask im sorry. but thanks for reading all that and feeling for me<3

me and my now ex have been texting since last night (imagine my panic seeing a "there's something i wanna know." in the midst of a cluedo game, 2 glasses of malibu in,) thankfully i had 2 friends over and they helped me get through the initial convo bc it's really so. hard to put my thoughts in order when it comes to these things.

but it's going alright. we're likely to go out tonight (us and our other friend) and im debating how to let them know. yesterday i cried in the middle of cleaning my room; dad let me know they'll be out of town on Sunday, and i automatically thought "great, i can invite her over!"

once summer comes, im entering the wildest hoe phase of my life. mark my words, this is a promise.

i hope you've had breakfast this time! i made a cappuccino this morning and hnnghh there's just something so magical about a big ol dollop of milk foam. hope you've been doing well<3

~soup

hi soup!! it's ok dw zjdkz

hhh that's good, im glad you're well surrounded during this <3 im pretty sure it's normal to still have the habits of thinking abt her etc, it's. very fresh yk, plus it was a long relationship so yeah, valid

LMAO okay but do stay safe tho, summer is great but there are downsides to this particular aspect

i did!! took me 4 hours to get out of bed but hunger prevailed zjdjs glad you did too, and yeah im good <3 hope you are too!!

[hematomes]

ok. naos is the coolest fucking name ever.

also yesterday morning i broke up. and went out for ice cream immediately after. literally 15 minutes after. nothing like going through every detail of your breakup for your 2 friends in a local ice cream shop while the sun burns your eyes bc you insisted to sit outside. (it's finally sunny. it's finally spring. it was about damn time; march is almost over.)

we'd been together for 2 years. I'd been in love with her for twice as long. probably longer. using past tense doesn't feel right. i haven't felt like this for anyone. you know what they say about first love.

this love will stay, i'm sure. star-shaped scar over my heart. nights will never be as dark as they used to.

it feels weird more then anything. i haven't cried at all, which is weird. i refused to put away & wash our mugs until the last minute before i had to head out for my evening class, which is also weird. neither of us had finished the tea, and i almost drank the cold black tea from her mug, but thank god i didn't, because that would be weird.

she's my definition of love. i don't know how not to love her yet, but i will learn to. and i believe it's the same for her too.

naos (seriously. so cool), i hurt her. i hurt the most important person to me, and i keep justifying it in my head saying that i had to, when in reality i just wanted to. relationships are difficult. more than getting hurt, if i ever decide to stay away from relationships, it'll be because i don't want to hurt someone again.

but i said everything i wanted to say, which is a first for me. i said i love you for the first time since i was like 5, and both parts of this sentence make me cringe, but i said it. and i wanted to say im sorry, but instead i said thank you. i think that's better.

honestly, i regret nothing! my friends kept going "well this what you get for dating your best friend" and they're probably right, but i don't regret anything. if there's anything i regret, it's the things i didn't do. being in love with her was wonderful. dating her made me cross the street more carefully at night.

we had a last kiss. i told you im weak. as she was leaving i wanted to ask if it would be too much to ask for a kiss, but i didn't even get halfway through the sentence before she kissed me. it might be weird, but i don't regret that either.

this got way too long. bottomline is, i hope we can continue being who we are. we'd never been "just friends", it was always something more, so it might be hard. but i want to believe we can do it. (i can't bear to lose her.)

~soup

soup my little darling when i tell you i teared up reading this ask i am not kidding nor exaggerating

i can't say i understand, but i can say i sympathize. it's gonna take a while to recover, but hopefully the sadness will be taken over by the happy memories, and you'll remember them fondly rather than bitterly <3 don't rush it tho, let it hurt for a while and then dress the wounds

[hematomes]

oh no, i guess tumblr ate it:( well it was something about disappointment (you don't like cooked beef😔), and about how you need to prepare yourself for the inevitable post-breakup rant which is either gonna be a mess or a Dramatic Poetic mess, and uhh OH yeah and how im sooo not letting the Carefree Cuddle Times end, once summer comes im kidnapping my friends and cuddling them!! (you're also on that list)

jdjfjd yea there's days like That. make sure you drink enough water!!! and eat/drink something warm!!! hug a pillow imagine im there cuddling you im nice & soft i swear

ousama ranking is an anime newly added to my list of absolute favs it's a total must watch! but getting openings stuck in your head is So Bad you're just chilling and the emo anime man inside you is screaming some cheesy shit about CHIKARA GA TOMONAU AKUI FURIHODOITE

ok i memorized one (1) paragraph back to studying jsjdjf

btw the thing im stressing about is sumn medical it's not too serious but i gotta go to the doctor's asap and it's gonna fuck up my schedule im gonna go feral

ZKDKZ AAA im sorry...... i don't really like meat in general, except like. charcuterie. also chicken, but beef? nah </3

don't worry ill be prepared, let it out im right there

omg yes cuddles... <3

i did drink SO MUCH water to counter it tbh i think im now 100% water,,, and i will, thank u sweets

oooh alright, ill check it out then!!! but yeah fr openings aren't the best. study music znxkz

OH NO WELL BE CAREFUL and don't postpone the doctor or else

[hematomes]

dear hira! i saw today has been A Day and i just wanted to hop in and say that you're so lovable it Hurts.

actually today has been A Day for me too, and it's 8pm and i have to study but recent events have made me So Stressed my brain is like jdjsufjsjfsjskf but I'll try to do. the minimum.

also i have the ousama ranking 2nd opening stuck in my head. catch me crying while memorizing the theoretical greek loan of 1917

i think i sent a reply btw yesterday but im??? not sure???

~soup

SOUP CRIES IVE BEEN THROUGH IT TODAY,,,, i don't think ive cried that much in literally years im mentally exhausted and now i need at least 16h of cuddling to recover (just saying that yk. for no reason at all haha)

oh no babe :( don't overwork yourself okay, hope it's not too bad </3 i Do Not know that opening but any kind of opening while studying sounds TERRIBLE TBH

mmmh i checked and i don't have anything?? maybe tumblr ate it again yells

[hematomes]

i had lemon beef stew w rice! it's one of my fav dishes.

oh yeah, since you mentioned it, i sort of quit smoking haha. i say sort of, bc i still allow myself on certain occasions, but tbh im just Way Too Broke to smoke regularly rn. and also my dad found out bc im a Dumbass and forgot a lighter out on the balcony:/

thank you!! expect me here crying once it's done:')

jdjs yea it can be scary asking for physical affection. in my case it comes a little Too naturally. granted, im not all that social so it's only specific people im so touchy with, but it's troubling bc if you're important to me You're Gonna Know😭 no escape, bc i will Not be able to leave without a hug. and cuddling<33 most comforting thing. it's been a long time, but my friends and i would hang out literally Just To Cuddle. just 4 girls piled up on a bed sleeping. in retrospect, we had. a lot of free time sjdhjf

4cm taller than me is still so small but it's a great height for hugs. this totally doesn't mean anything.

oooh that sounds amazing.... well i don't like cooked beef but i get the gist

ah zkdkz WOOPS my bad sweets, and also rip </3 but that's. a healthy decision, good luck!!!!

don't worry ill be right there to support you

IT IS, especially since. the pandemic, spent 2 years almost touching no one i think im close to losing my SHIT /hj hhh that's totally fair, i have a few friends like this and i absolutely love it <3 ZNDKZ THAT SWEET PERIOD OF BEING CAREFREE AND JUST. cuddling. cries

mhm well we def should hug tbh

[hematomes]

i just ate lunch and i finally feel human again!! i hope you enjoyed your breakfast<33

"take care" jsjdj THANKS i plan on actually having the Big Talk by the end of this week (there's a holiday on Friday and a short school day on Thursday so really if i don't do it this week I'll be Big Stupid)

yess you can absolutely say i love you without saying it. i think my love language is asking if you want tea jjsjf but really im not too sure. part of it is def physical touch, literally i can't just be w someone i love, platonically or otherwise, and not touch them in some way. particularly i like leaning/lying on people jshd. then acts of service, maybe? idk but there's time to figure it out.

almost forgot, YOU ABSOLUTELY ARE CUTE<3 you're taller than me if i remember correctly but you're still just a cute little pup it's so adorable. and the way your style is edgy but you're like so soft<33 (guess it's simping for hira hours now)

WHAT DID YOU EAT!!! and i did hehe also had my 1st smoke so im good

hhhh alright good luck, stay strong love <3

zndkzk i think i see what you mean, also physical touch is such a precious way to express love tbh.... im too anxious to initiate it but lord knows i love cuddling and just,, feeling someone i like. spent a whole afternoon holding hands w a friend once, and i still think abt it

YEAH I'M LIKE. 4cm taller than you HAHAhajsja bye but,,,, SOUP PLS IM A VERY WEAK BEING/////

[hematomes]

jdjdjs you're so cute<333

strawberry cake & tea that sounds so good,,, (im. so hungry. but the food's not ready yet)

IM AN IDIOT OKAY. listen I've been thinking about how our relationship isn't working out for AGES (despite how im kinda still in love w her gdi) and i FINALLY found a good moment to bring it to the table but it was like 12am and she had to leave and we were both so fucking sleepy and we were hugging and i was like "we need to talk. not rn bc im about to fall asleep. but at some point we need to." and then i was gonna LET GO but i took TOO LONG and she KISSED me and im W E A K

ooh that's the opposite opinion haha modern greek doesn't differentiate too much between "i love yous" either (there's different names for love but only 1 "i love you" that we really use). but σ'αγαπώ is STILL fucking impossible to use for me??? i haven't even used it for my parents since i was like 5. in comparison to eng, greek just holds so much more weight. probably bc we don't hear it as often (whereas we hear i love you in movies and songs constantly).

it's kind of a problem really. i think it's a virtue to be able to say i love you whenever you feel the want to say it. i actually can't say it in either languages out loud. one of my friends was worried about it not being as sincere if you say it often, but saying it doesn't have to be this enormous, heavy, about-to-die thing. there's a lot more ways to show That kind of love.

IM NOT CUTE SHUSH IM THREATENING

it does... (< still isn't up) zndkz eat a small snack im sure it won't spoil your whole lunch sweets

zndkzks yeah you talked to me about that aaaa okay well at least you threw the ball and now she knows you need to talk? granted she didn't forget- also fair enough tbh but take care

aaah yeah i see what you mean!! honestly. i think there's a billion ways to tell/show someone you love them, even without using that big ass word. like for example me tagging ppl in stuff is a form of love, me absolutely roasting some of my friends is also love. but on the other hand i guess it also depends on your love language? mine is primarily words of affirmation, so i have to find ways to express it without just repeating ILY ILY ILY over and over again znxkzkd

[hematomes]

felt that in my soul. so many times im like god i wish i was at least 5cm taller (reminder i am 160cm), i want to look Cool & Strong and then somebody calls me bean and i have to pretend i hate it while inside im a puddle.

go eat breakfast sweetheart stop torturing your stomach! what do you usually have for breakfast?

i was planning to start studying but then the gc blew the fuck up thanks to my Late Night Dumbassery yesterday (hira why am i such a fucking mess i told my gf We Need To Talk and then proceeded to make out w her for the next half hour). and then we started discussing the value of "i love you" in eng vs in our mother tongue, then in general. what're Your thoughts on the mother tongue matter?

and now it's 12pm and im too hungry to study but lunch is too soon for a snack:(

SAME LMAOOOO id be like "im tough IM LITERALLY SO TOUGH" and then someone tells me im a good boy and im wagging my tal like the tiniest puppy ever sobs loudly THE BRAIN IS A TRAITOR

dw i will!! im just too lazy aaa,,, i have some little strawberry cakes and ill make tea too!!

ZKDKZKZ "we need to talk" *makes out for half an hour* SOUP MY BELOVED. WHAT

mmh i think it has less value in french, bc "je t'aime" can mean i like you (so platonic yk),, but then again it might be bc i tell that to all of my friends so maybe it lost some romantic value for me, idk 👀 plus i never told anyone i was in love with them so no idea how it actually feels

EAT A SNACK IT'S FINE, or eat lunch? 12pm seems like a good time for that