#[or rather one where she can perfectly and clearly explain herself yknow]

[beauzos]

watching that fucking cat art discourse go down on my dash is giving me a headache

[marvinswriting]

past

hurt/comfort(/hurt?) fic two :) I've combined multiple prompts I've received before in order to create this MESS GENERALIZED TW: struggling to breath; d slur; harassment (no death in this one :( ) G/t mean girls au

I guess it's my fault for expecting things to change. For thinking it may go away. 

I wasn't plastic anymore. 

Why didn't they leave me alone?

Because I was space dyke now. It's arguably worse. 

The plastics didn't have to hide their hate for me anymore.

"Please leave me alone." I repeat myself, pushed up against the wall on the tiny pick up zone. I could just run into the tiny area of the school, but Regina might follow. Even still, it is one against one rather than one against three-

I don't get a chance to test my odds as Gretchen grabs me. 

Regina was on Karen's shoulder looking amused. Karen looked a little guilty for letting this happened but she stayed quiet. 

And Gretchen-

I yelp as the hand around me tightens. 

She had me in her fist, hands pinned at my side. It was a way I haven't been picked up in a while, and you don't see me complaining. 

Damian always made sure to ask before picking me up, and even then its never in a fist.

Oh god, I can't breathe.

"Gret-" tears are forming in the corner of my eyes. I can't tell if its from emotions of the lack of air in my lungs.

Just when I think I'm going to pass out, her grip loosens.

Typical.

"Gretch, put her down. I wanna talk with the dyke." Regina says slyly.

Gretchen obediently drops me roughly on the pick-up zone.

How did this even happen?

I was supposed to be waiting for Damian.

He still had play rehearsal but I figured nobody would be here to harass me if I just waited at the pick-up zone.

I was wrong.

Clearly.

Karen places Regina down much more gently then Gretchen let me fall. 

"Hello, space dyke." Regina smiles.

"So we aren't even on first name bases anymore?" I shoot back.

Regina shook her head. "I'm afraid not. I mean- it was only a matter of time before we woke up to how worthless you are. And everyone else did too."

She gets really close to me, leaning in my face. "And that one boy? Damian? I don't think he'll stick around much longer either if I'm being honest."

I swallow hard. I'm not gonna cry. Nope. Nu-uh.

"I mean, being friends with you brings him nothing but bad attention. Anyone with common sense would leave. And does he know how fucked up you are? The dyke scared of her own shadow? The stupid girl who couldn't defend herself? Jumps at everything?"

The worst part was, Regina wasn't wrong.

I am fucked up. Every time Damian reaches out to me I flinch. If somebody yells I jump.

"You're like a scared puppy, kicked to the side of the road. Unwanted by anyone." Regina said, stepping backward. "I bet if you told Damian he wouldn't believe you. Or he'd use it as an excuse to leave."

"I would." Gretchen says.

She never speaks while Regina is talking, but Regina doesn't cut her off. I guess all is game when fucking with the space dyke. 

"Bye now," Regina says, blowing a kiss condescendingly.

Karen picks her up and the three plastics leave, satisfied with their work. 

I slip into the tiny hallway. Damian's practice should be ending soon but he has to wait. 

He'll understand.

I hope.

I can't wrap my head around the idea of being with anyone right now. Especially not somebody so much bigger than me.

Damian won't hurt me.

I knew that.

I just need to be alone.

I duck into the bathroom, a hand covering my mouth as I let out a cry. 

Why did I let their words get to me so much?

More importantly, why were they right?

Nobody wants to hang out with space dyke. And they don't even know the half of it. The plastics dropped me because they knew how fucked up I was. It's so much easier to just leave me behind. To move on and live your life.

My phone rings, causing me to jump.

Stupid. Flinching at everything.

Regina was right.

I pick up the phone, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

"Jan? Where are you? Drama got out a little late but you're still not here?"

"Sorry, Damian." I chew my nail, looking at the mess in the mirror that my reflection. "Got a little sidetracked with my sketchbook. You know how zoned out I get while drawing. I'll be right over."

"Okay." Damian says simply. I hang up before he can say anything more and quickly try and make it look like I wasn't just crying. 

I wipe my mascara away from under my eyes and fix my hair before rushing out of the bathroom. Damian was already there, as predicted.

"Hey, hon." He smiles, placing his hand down next to me.

I take a small step back on instinct before walking over and climbing on. Damian transfers me to his shoulder, where I sit on the edge, legs handing off his shoulder. 

"You can sit closer to my neck yknow," Damian begins as he starts walking. "I don't want you to fall."

"Yeah," I say softly, but I don't bother to move. 

We pass a group of football jocks as Damian makes his way to the bus stop. It's only then when I lean in closer, grabbing onto his hoodie. 

I make eye contact with one of the boys and I stiffen, but he rolls his eyes and keeps walking. 

Damian sits down at one of the benches. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You're acting odd today. I can't figure out why but something is up. Did anybody come up to you before I was done with theater?"

While Damian may not know about the plastics, he knew about the general harassment from the school. He knew I didn't finish eighth grade in school because it was so bad. But he didn't know about what Gretchen did. Or what Regina said.

I waved away invisible flies with a nervous laugh. "It's fine. I'm fine. It's really nothing, okay?"

"Jan, you can't expect me to believe nothing happened. Not when you flinch every time something touches you." 

I look down at my boots. The hurt in Damian's voice was too much. 

"You can trust me. I know something is wrong but I can't help you unless you open up. I can't understand unless you explain it to me."

I chewed my lip. "You're gonna wanna leave." I mumble. I'm not even sure if Damian can hear me. 

I mean, it made sense. Who wanted to hang out with the space dyke. Damian was probably just waiting for an excuse to leave me behind. I know I would. 

A hand comes up to gently scoop me off his shoulder and I know he heard. 

"Janis. You're my best friend. Even in the two months, we've gotten close I can say that with confidence. There is no one else I'd rather hang out with, no matter what. I won't leave."

I look up at him. Just like the say we met there's into anything but genuine care in his eyes. 

I know what I'm about to say might make Damian take back everything. I know nobody wants to hang out with space dyke in general. And they don't know the underlying baggage. 

"Janis." Damian pushes again. His thumb rubs my arm reassuringly. "Please tell me what's hurting you."

I take a breath, fully aware that I could be destroying the one good friendship I ever had. "You know Gretchen?"

-

I didn't go into full depth on what Gretchen would do. 

I also didn't mention today. And how much the words hurt.

I glazed over it, trying to give Damian as little reason to leave as possible.

Still, by the time I was done Damian had shifted so his hands were cupped protectively around me and he looked like he was about to cry.

I didn't even tell him the worst.

"I didn't know." He said softly.

I shrug. "How could you have?"

"Janis what she did was seriously not okay. It's perfectly valid for you to be fucked up over it. I'm not gonna ditch you because of that."

I let myself sink into his hands further. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Damian slips me into his jacket pocket as the bus pulls up. "Let's talk more at my house, okay? I won't be able to hear you on the loud bus."

I nod, knowing Damian can't see me. 

Slipping down further into the pocket I can already feel the fear of Damian leaving fade. If he wanted to leave why push it off? Why not just drop me right here and let me find my own way home? The tiny bus wasn't here yet, he definitely could have. But he didn't.

The giant bus was loud, with students yelling and mumbling into each other. But I didn't freak out. I was with Damian. Nothing was going to happen to me.

yet another fic where janis walks away safe. but how many more? tags! @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons