#{trollplanet speculation}

[knights-unwelcommentary]

Do you think trolls had vaccines on Alternia or any type of medicine to prevent sickness?

I think they did. Alternia might be okay with children dying, but it would be unproductive to let a massive numbers of potential soldiers go to waste because of preventable disease

My theory is that whatever medical care exists in Alternia is mostly done through technology and a diy approach, encouraging self-diagnosis and having few self-employed (and probably not specialized) medical professionals (because of no adults being allowed on planet)

That said, wheelchairs and glasses are a thing so at least there are a few options for less urgent medical equipment

[thewertsearch]

Nominative Determinism

Or: let’s make wild, uninformed guesses about the trolls’ personalities, based solely on their handles and zodiac signs!

adiosToreador: Well, we’ve seen them completely fail to troll Dave... in a chatlog that revealed surprisingly little about them, come to think of it. Maybe this one’s more about actions than words. I’m picturing an adventurer, some sort of Zorro type. Maybe kind of ‘bullish’ and stubborn.

apocalypseArisen: Who would choose to call themselves Apocalypse? Someone concerned about the imminent end of the world, that’s who. I’m guessing AA knew about Sburb, or at least its consequences, before the game even started. They might even be the Jade of their group - it’s far too early to speculate about classes, but AA could be a Seer, dreaming Prospit dreams. 

arachnidsGrip: Look, I know they don’t define the class, but arachnid can’t not make me think of spiders. I think this will be a ‘shadowy’ troll, weaving webs of lies in the background to maintain their ‘grip’ on the situation. This is the troll I would trust the least if they started messaging the kids.

arsenicCatnip: Says nya.

caligulasAquarium: I’m just picturing someone obsessed with Ancient Rome, traditionalism, etc. That might be exactly what’s happening  - where else would they get the name Caligula from? This might be an alien who only knows this one thing about Earth, and has made it their entire personality. 

carcinoGeneticist: He had a sickle around the house, and he's into genetics, so maybe he’s some sort of field biologist. As for his zodiac trait, I think we’re going for someone who’s ‘cancerous’ the same way a Twitter thread is. CG is toxic, in the online sense of the word.

centaursTesticle: Man, I don’t even want to speculate. They’re either the weirdest troll of all, or we’re being mislead, and they’re actually the most normal. 

cuttlefishCuller: This feels like one of the more ominous handles. A culler can’t be anything but violent and dangerous - I'm thinking a hunter, or some sort of warrior. That, or I’m jumping to conclusions and they just like to fish. 

gallowsCalibrator: Anyone who’d choose an executioner's handle probably has a morbid sense of humor. I’m picturing someone who is in some way uncomfortable to be around. Hell, they could be an actual executioner - we don’t know anything about Trollplanet, other than the fact that it has computers to run Sburb. Its culture could be medieval, or worse.

grimAuxiliatrix: Probably the troll we know the best at this point - not that that’s saying much. They presented as standoffish at first, but I think they’re going to prove to be one of the nicer trolls, and judging by auxiliatrix, probably the most helpful. I think GA is going to be the troll to actually tell the kids what’s going on. 

terminallyCapricious: Someone so capricious - in other words, impulsive - that it could get them killed. Basically John with the breaks off, an idiot who isn't concerned with their own safety. Could be a thill-seeker or adrenaline junkie. 

twinArmageddons: By the shared theming of their handles, I think TA is pals with apocalypseArisen, and like them, was aware of the trolls’ extinction before it happened. Other than that, I’ve already speculated that TA could be a two-faced Gemini, and may actually be two trolls using the TA account. For obvious reasons, this is a troll I’m particularly interested in finding out more about. 

[knights-unwelcommentary]

I think that an important thing to keep in mind about quadrants is that, while they can be entirely romantic, on Alternia they're a public service first more often than not and on occasions they can be a public service entirely

[knights-unwelcommentary]

I've got the suspicion that Vriska's lusus was a mutant

I don't think it's normal for lusus naturae to exclusively eat trolls considering they're symbiotic to them and that troll blood tastes really bad. Maybe they'd be willing to eat trolls if the opportunity or need arises but to have them be the entire diet of a whole species of giant spiders? Either the spiders would have to be exterminated or trolls would go extinct pretty fast

[knights-unwelcommentary]

One of the funny things about the Sufferer's cult after the exile is that in the homeworld they'd be mostly children, some outlaws and a few jade bloods that have to join the meetings with troll skype cause they're not allowed to leave the caverns

[knights-unwelcommentary]

The hemospectrum's alien classism with alien racist undertones whereas sea dwellers vs land dwellers is alien racism with alien classist undertones

[knights-unwelcommentary]

Why do you think trolls keep using mostly analog stuff despite being much more technologically advanced than humanity?

My theory is that at some point they went through the same zero privacy, everything subscription, marketing and fake news laden hellscape of a digital world as Earth and decided to pull the plug

[knights-unwelcommentary]

The fandom often underestimates how much Alternia being Neverland-gone-wrong forms the trolls’ personalities. No matter how close they are with their lusus the trolls are still orphans expected to look after themselves and forbidden from taking care of anyone else if it’s not in a romantic way

[knights-unwelcommentary]

Thinking about how zombies in Alternia were so hardcore that Kanaya, the chainsaw wielding badass herself knew better than to make the attempt of fight them

[knights-unwelcommentary]

What if the lusii are also just juveniles when they adopt a troll?

Like, Kanaya's (abdicated before it started to brood) and Terezi's (not even hatched yet) could be taken as special cases but Vriska's was also growing quickly some time after it chose her which means it wasn't an adult yet back in the caverns and Karkat's might grow a tail when it has matured (as seen in Jake's island) so it might not have been an adult either???

[knights-unwelcommentary]

do you think being orphaner was a government appointed job, or did eridan volunteer to help feferi? (also sorry for spamliking all your eridan posts lol)

I'm of the idea that some people might get hired by the empire for orphaning since Gl'bgolyb doesn't always have a charge to feed her (transition periods from one heiress to the other and stuff) but when a heiress is selected and old enough for the task she'd be given the full breadth of that responsibility and she might choose people to help her out

I'm not sure if Eridan would be given the job through the first option knowing his ancestor notoriously died in a shameful way, but he is helping out Feferi to feed her lusus which makes him an official orphaner either way

(no worries, turned off notifications ages ago xd)

[knights-unwelcommentary]

Ripe fruit on Alternia would probably last very litle with the heat so trolls would have to either refrigerate it immediately or suck it up and eat it while it's not ripe yet or while it's fermented

[knights-unwelcommentary]

Remember when Karkat asks Jade what's shaving cream?

My current theory's that either trolls don't need it or shaving cream's only used in the fleet so the beta trolls have never encountered it before

[knights-unwelcommentary]

Why are jade bloods being forced to live in darkness in the brooding caverns, anyway? My theory is that either the wigglers or their food source die when exposed to fresh air and sunlight like it happens with termites (and some dude on youtube found out artificial light also kills them when he tried to start a termite farm)

The good news is that they don’t die under ultraviolet light and that might be a way to make the brooding caverns easier to work in

Wait... would that mean Kanaya's bioluminescence resembles uv light?

Edit: Shoot I misremembered the uv light thing. I think it was red light? hmmm, I’ll look it up some other time

[knights-unwelcommentary]

FLARP thoughts

The wording makes it sound like the game not only states you can’t use power, it renders the player unable to

I wonder what Vriska could have done to her Flarps grub to bypass that

Also I get the impression that FLARP is played in teams of two because that way the gameplay can be reduced to some sort of hostage exchange so things don’t get too deadly?

[knights-unwelcommentary]

Speaking of Neverland, how do you think Pupa Pan’s story differs from Peter Pan?

imo it’d still be an escapist fantasy, but instead of being about running away from home to a land of adventure, it’s about getting to stay home forever and the homeworld becoming a safer place to be somehow