#‘Instead of making myself miserable under the guise of the great problem

[raining-its-pouring]

Five Pebbles is so funny. Shoutout to characters who learn to prioritize compassion but still have the same deep-rooted self-actualization and self-worth issues they always had. Shoutout to characters who use compassion as a bludgeon to hurt themselves with under the guise of self-sacrifice. Shoutout to the guilt that drives one to heap blame upon themself until they feel the only way to atone is through punishment. That’s just as much about inflicting misery upon yourself as it is about helping the person you hurt. Get therapy king.

[nookishposts]

Professing

I was chatting with a friend today about all manner of things including long term plans. He remarked that in the last couple of years, any psychic or reader that he has gone to has been unable to tell him much about what lies ahead. I asked him if he knew what it was he wanted exactly from his future and he replied that he really didn’t, and perhaps that is the problem.

It’s fair to say that we are all at least a little curious about what lies ahead. It would help with budgets and planning for a start. Maybe having advance knowledge of the winning lottery numbers in next week’s draw wouldn’t hurt, but then if that were possible, why aren’t all psychics wealthy and retired? And  why do so many lottery winners end up miserable?

To be healthy and safe and cared for is likely enough of a future goal for most folks, and yet a surprising number feel that they are none of those things. They long in fact to feel that they matter in the world, that they have value, that there will simply be someone there should they find themselves in trouble or in need. Perhaps a goal we might consider is one that allows us to check in and make sure that no one we know feels that way. It’s fairly easy to let someone know that they matter and are supported; you tell them. If not in words than in small gestures: a hug for no reason, an actual phone call out of the blue, a small pot of posies left on a doorstep. Allowing the light of your genuine smile to warm a wordless conversation. All of these are so do-able. We know how we feel when we are in receipt of any of them. Your own future will undoubtedly be comprised of many such tiny moments that matter.

The future big picture is often the stuff of dreams. A second honeymoon paid for not just in hard-earned savings, but in runny noses and dubious report cards, teaching teenagers to drive and the holding of breath as they launch themselves into the world. That little getaway cabin or condo that you might run to when life is just annoying. The sports car you’ve been dreaming of since before you could drive. Those incredible grandchildren born finally, sometimes against all odds. The later-in-life love affair.

Think back over the last year of your life. The highs and the lows. The sideswipes and the unexpected thrills. What if anything might have changed if you had been given a program of events at the top of that year, before it all actually happened? It could have been great to have avoided the fender-bender downtown by knowing to take a different route to work on a given Monday, no hassle with insurance and repairs and chiropractor appointments for that pesky whiplash. But it could also take the fun right out of your birthday presents. How much would it have been worth to you to have a head’s-up? And if you knew what was coming and avoided the challenges, what might it have given you as a person? Might it have made you a bit smug, or just more fearful? 

The Ancients employed all manner of divination; runes, bones, shooting stars, failing crops, special cards, herbal concoctions, tea leaves, and clues from the animal kingdom. As I was growing up, I remember being told that if a bird flew into the window, someone would soon die. That if the palm of my hand itched, it would likely be graced with money. That if I spilled the salt at supper, a pinch of it thrown over my shoulder would keep the devil from my door. Omens. Portents. Clues to what secrets lay in my future. Admit it, you still do the thing with the salt, right? I have been known to make wishes on stars too.

What about those unsettling feelings we all experience from time to time? That “gut feeling”, or sixth sense or hunch. There are moments we find ourselves just knowing, whether it’s a sense of deja vu or hearing the phone ring and being 100% certain of who is calling even if you haven’t heard from them in ages. Some of it may be explained away as leftovers of a time when we were wild things and our lives depended on our senses being keen. A prickling of the hairs on the back of the neck, a tiny sound altering what we are used to hearing in the symphony of living. That weird little whoosh of adrenaline that says a hungry lion is hunting and we’d best skedaddle, now! 

We’ve all met people who just seem to somehow know stuff we don’t. Usually they don’t call themselves psychic at all, their knowing-ness is just as much a part of them as the colour of their eyes. Sometimes they even hide their talents for fear of being either laughed at or pestered unduly. Do we all have that ability? Can it be taught? How would it affect my choices and the way I move in the world if I could predict beyond the horizon of what my five basic senses tell me is currently true? And what if I turned out to be wrong?

I have certainly had my share of tarot readings. I follow my horoscope, and I’ve sat in a few booths at psychic fairs.They have resulted in both wonderful coincidences and spectacular misses. I remain intrigued either way. I just like the idea that there are people in the world who seem to be able to operate on a separate plane of consciousness at will. It makes me wonder about parallel universes and time travel and an afterlife. About collective energies and higher beings. Even flipping a coin to make a decision is kind of a way of asking for Universal input under the guise of chance. Maybe it’s just  tantalising mystery  crossed with tempting Fate. I like the hints of wisdom, even if they come disguised as magic.

What do we want from the future? How much effort would we be willing to put forth towards actively cultivating a flourishing reality  from  just the seed of a hint? What obstacles might we more bravely face head-on if we were guaranteed a payoff? What would we run from? Would it make us single-minded and less conscious of those around us? Would it be worth it, having life all mapped out and not really being able to change the trajectory of those certainties?

I have long accepted that I have a catastrophising streak in me, and with age I have also learned to quickly talk myself off the ledge, thank heavens. I suspect too much knowledge about what lies ahead would make me even more nuts and ready to hide in the bushes. I love to have fun with prediction and divination, especially when it comes from someone who has actually studied the culture and context of whatever form they are practising. The “good” prognosticators that I have come across have rarely made hard-fact bets on anything, instead they have offered fresh perspective and asked me to consider soul-searching questions, or suggested exercises and readings to help to tune in and focus. I do find those things very helpful, and they don’t leave me feeling I am at the mercy of a predetermined road map.

From the future, I would like the following: to meet people who inspire me to be the best of myself; to leave my worn-out baggage behind, to be challenged enough to actually learn new things, and to be able to spot small miracles in everyday living. I want to be surprised. I want to giggle and guffaw over foolish absurdities, my own and everyone else’s. I want to be shaken up once in a while, even if it means being sad or scared or wrong. I want to alternate between restful observance and meeting the future head-on, eyes open, engines revving. I want some awareness of my own progress as a tiny humble cog in a massive human Wheel of Fortune. I want to look over my shoulder and remember where I have come from and feel good about the journey, hoping that it’s still a long way from over, but even if it’s not, that the ride has been worth every minute. I want to be able to talk about it with anybody else who finds themselves wondering and wandering. I want to put one foot in front of the other, in hope and trust. I find it helps if we remember to just hold hands now and then, as we go.