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#‘hell is real’ has replaced ‘i wanna kms’ as the phrase i constantly repeat to myself. I cant stop saying it like i dont have a choice
gandreida
·
1 year
Text
This is the least depressed I have felt in years
#i think like maybe once every couple of weeks I’ll have an evening where I’m feeling down but I can still manage it pretty well
#like it’s just sort of like ‘damn i hate feeling this way but im gonna do everything i can to make myself feel better’
#and then make myself some food and do things to occupy my mind
#I am out here living life
#living life is a skill you have to cultivate which SUCKS but once you figure it out…
#I didn’t understand so many things growing up that I just Get now
#going to the shops by yourself doing what you want
#legitimately did not know what i wanted to do
#did not know what i liked or disliked
#i was indifferent to everything
#i dont understand how to be indifferent to everything now but i remember what it was like
#im happy. im healthy. i honestly dont want to die anymore.
#Legitimately did not see myself making it to 28 years old like 6 months ago and here i am with a completely new outlook on life
#i survived so many situations. i put myself thru so many scenarios just hoping it would take me away but i lived anyway and im happy 4 that
#I met people that felt the same way I did and I fought tooth and nail to save them even if only for that night
#i cared so deeply for complete strangers. I feel like maybe I was trying to save myself thru them
#my determination to prevent others from doing the things id been doing because deep down i knew it was wrong
#who do we have if not eachother?
#‘hell is real’ has replaced ‘i wanna kms’ as the phrase i constantly repeat to myself. I cant stop saying it like i dont have a choice
#when im with others tho j find myself saying ‘what a good day’ with the same amount of unintentional force
#i say it with much more intent and consciousness when i am alone
#because so many days are good day. 13/14 of days are good days im noticing
#even the days where i feel down at the end are good days. My feeling sad/anxious/depressed doesnt mean i had a bad day. even if it feels bad
#i love my friends so much
#and i love meeting so many people
#i love meeting new people all the time even if i dont remember them
#i want to remember them because so many people are so nice and i love those connections
#what a good day today was. what a damn good day. Everything is okay.
#Special thank you to my roommates and to my former roommates for being my biggest supporters and for saving my life
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