#“my dear nick lightbearer. you were smashing”

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/83268982

Chapter 78 (FINAL)

In this comfortable position, Nick soon fell asleep. But he woke up early, a sign that he was still uneasy. By no means he wanted to oversleep the moment Arthur awoke. Quietly, he got up and went into the bathroom since he needed to knock himself into shape. A short shower later he already felt much better. He combed his stubborn hair as good as he could and submitted himself to a shave, sparing the moustache. It was still sparse, but he hoped it would have the desired effect. Together with Davey's fancy rags he felt more like Nick Lightbearer again.

Then he hurried into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. It wouldn't turn out sumptuous due to their shortage in supplies, but Nick did his best to make it delicious. Eyeing the table, he noticed that something was missing. Something that would make this special. When his searching gaze wandered to the window, he recalled that the front gardens were full of pretty flowers that no one paid attention to, so he went outside and took his pick. He decorated the table with a bright red bouquet and then viewed his own work with delight.

Shortly after, he heard Arthur call for him from upstairs: “Nick! Are you there? Nick?” He sounded upset. Nick liked it. Placing himself at the foot of the stairs, he purred his answer: “I'm right here, darling!” Arthur sighed in relief. At the same time, he felt stupid. Of course Nick wouldn't leave him like that. “Oh...good...”, he stuttered. “I won't be long...” “I'm waiting”, Nick purred back and strutted into the kitchen, cooler than he actually was. He had to calm himself down. When Arthur finally came down the stairs, he stunned Nick with his new outfit by Davey. It really suited him well. “Holy catfish! You look ravishing!” Nick kissed Arthur's hand. “You too...”, Arthur stammered. Nick smiled and skimmed along his upper lip. “You like it?” Arthur instinctively palpated the same spot. “Yes...” His voice was merely a sigh. He lifted up Nick's chin to kiss him. “Is it safe to assume that you're glad to see me?”, Nick asked with a voice as soft as silk. “Yes...”, was everything Arthur could produce.

Nick led him into the kitchen, where he gazed at the well-laid table. “Just sit down, my King. I serve you.” Arthur sat down wordlessly. “I like the flowers...”, he brought out later. “Thanks. I thought it's sad to keep them outside where we can't see them.” He put a mug in front of Arthur. “There you go, my darling.” “Nick, that's...” Nick looked at him, then at the table. “Anything missing?” Arthur almost laughed. “No...” He quickly stood up to lock Nick in his arms. “I really thought you...” He began to sob. “You won't get rid of me that easily, my King”, Nick said softly. “I don't want to get rid of you!”, Arthur sobbed. “I just want to protect you!” “I know. I feel the same”, Nick answered. “But how am I supposed to protect you if I'm not by your side? If you leave me here, you'll break my heart, you hear me? Don't do that!” Arthur pressed his eyes shut, fighting the tears. “I don't know what it is about me...why I'm running away from everyone...” “You lost your old life, too and you're still suffering. I understand. But let me comfort you. I think I made a good impact on you since we met.” “My sunshine...” Arthur smiled faintly.

They passed the time comforting each other. Soon, the town woke up and people became busy again. Also Arthur felt the need to do something. He was visibly fidgety. “Do you want to go back to your documents?”, Nick asked eyeing him. “I don't know...what would you do?” “Come along?” “This is gonna be too boring for you.” “Arthur!” “But it's true!” Nick pondered over it. “The boys said they want to see you.” “Me?” Arthur was surprised. “Yeah...If you like...They like you more than you think. It'll be fun.” “Not if we tell them our plan,” Arthur blurted out. “They need to know. Come on, seeing us like this, they can't help but have an understanding.” Arthur finally complied.

They met a few Wellies on the way, making it look almost like the town was intact again. “Is it still polite to say 'lovely day for it?', Nick asked one of them. “Could be worse”, the other man muttered. “That's true. Keep it bowling.” “You too.” “You know, I still have the feeling that we Wellies stick together”, Nick then said to Arthur. “You look like two Make Believes”, another man approached them. “What if I told you I'm Nick Lightbearer himself?”, Nick joked. “Gosh, Nick Lightbearer!”, the Wellie blurted out. “I wonder where he ended up.” “He's probably about to solve some problems...”, Nick assumed. “Yeah, probably. Good luck, you two.” Arthur was surprised how well he got along with people who would've slaughtered him a few days ago.

When they arrived in the backyard, Nick knocked at the worn out door, eyed by a curious Arthur. Brad opened it. “Ah, Nick, back in good shape, I see.” He slapped Nick's arm. “And Arthur...you look groovy, man.” “Thanks...I have the best supplier here...” He nodded into Nick's direction, who grinned. Brad let them inside. “Come in, get comfortable. The others will be back soon.” “What are they up to?”, Nick asked. “They went back to Maidenholm to fetch some of our stuff. Everything we can't get from the shop you looted.” “Hey, I only borrowed one guitar!” “Sure. You should put him on a leash, Arthur. It would save you a lot of trouble.” “I might think about it”, Arthur joked. “I'd have it's advantages”, Nick agreed. “Having to go wherever you go.” They laughed, but only Arthur and Nick understood the hint. “I suppose you're thirsty?”, Brad asked. “If you can spare something. I know we're low on supplies”, Nick said. “Alright, I'll go check. Make yourself at home.” They sat down on the couch. Nick didn't hesitate to place himself  close to Arthur. “Relax. Now everyone is a Downer, just like you”, he whispered to his tense lover. Arthur gave him a helpless smile.

Then they heard the back door open again. “He'll be all eyes if he sees what we brought along”, they heard Matt say. “Bradley-boy! Look what we got!”, Chris shouted playfully. Passing by the living room he found their guests. “Oh, hello.” “Made a hit?”, Nick asked. “Yeah, just look at all that! It was still there.” Chris unloaded his guitars and equipment. Matt joined him. Nick got up to have a closer look. “How's the state of the place?”, he asked quietly. “Sad”, Chris said in all honesty. “But intact.” He took a deep breath, eyeing his loot, or rather looking at what he saw in his mind. “In fact, we could...” He paused. “But it wouldn't be the same again, right?” “No...” Chris hung his head. Arthur got up too and positioned himself next to Nick. “Oh, Arthur!” Matt noticed him. “If we knew, we would've brought you a typewriter.” “It's fine”. Arthur had to grin at that. “I have one at home.” They shook hands. “Have you seen our drummer by any chance?”, Chris asked. “He went to fetch us a drink”, Nick explained. “You left him alone in the kitchen? Oh dear...” Chris went for him.

“There's still a lot of your stuff left”, Matt said to Nick with an apologizing look. “It's okay. I need to see this place myself anyway.” “By the way...You won't believe who we met there.” “Fans?” “No...Our dear friend Hunt.” “What?”, Nick blurted out. “Hunt? Did you tell him the latest news? “He knows, but he has a hard time letting go of his old post. He was happy to hear you're alive.” “Didn't you offer him to come with you?” “We did, but he said the Parade District isn't safe for Bobbies. He's kinda right...His body height and all...they'd recognise him immediately. Poor bugger.” “But...We can't...I can't leave him there. Arthur, would you go to my old home with me and help me with this?” He looked at his lover with puppy eyes. “If he agrees...” Arthur shrugged. “Thank you. For a Bobby he's a good sort.”

Soon, Brad and Chris came back with the liquids and some snacks. When they were comfortable again and the drinks were served, Chris said: “Well, let's begin with the brutally honest conversation, shall we? Seems to be the new trend.” “I can't believe it's finally over”, Arthur admitted. He felt like a remnant of the old days. Him. As a Downer. “Have you really been a Downer?”, Matt asked as if he could read his mind. Arthur was taken aback by the question at first, eyeing the band as if they'd jump at him. He figured that Nick must've told them. “It's weird to talk about it...just like that...It's weird I don't have to hide...” “How did you hold on?” “I had no choice”, Arthur said with a shrug. “I couldn't just walk out of Wellington Wells, with all the detectors and alarm systems. I had to sneak around, come up with ideas...Coming back here was hard enough, because they dumped me in the Garden District.” “What's so dangerous about the Garden?”, Brad asked. From what he heard in Uncle Jack's shows it was a rather idyllic place where they grew fruits and vegetables and had everything they needed. “Well...there you have the plaque, toxic fog, Ploughboys that love to smash a Downer's head, the other people who are also not very fond of you if you show up in a proper suit, soldiers with bayonets who take you for a Gerry and of course the spankers.” “And the food? Are there any farms there?” “None at all...the people live of what they get to steal from the guards.” “Shit...”

“Wow, you're definitely tougher than you look!”, Chris said. “No offence.” “None taken. I had a lot of luck.” “Aw come on, Arthur, what about the arena-fight you won?”, Nick replied. “Er, that...” Arthur blushed a little. “That was your amazing fighting skills! You should've seen him taking on that white Bobby!” “I had your help there!” Arthur reminded him. “It was still awesome!” “Sounds like you should write a story about yourself.” Brad was impressed. “Perhaps” Arthur grinned meekly. “But I wasn't the only one having problems. The people in the Garden District...those that made it until now...they have a story to tell. “Do they know?” Nick asked. “Did anybody tell them?” “We haven't heard of it”. Matt replied. “I don't think the General cares much for them”, Arthur said dryly. “Or he's still full of Joy.”, Matt added. “No. He doesn't take Joy. Our dear General is above that.” The others were stunned. “No Joy?” Brad asked. “Just like that?” “He's not the only one. Doctor Verloc doesn't take it either.” “Right, he didn't look like he'd take his own drugs. He was much too moody for that.”, Nick approved. Brad leaned back. “That's a bit thick.” “And we played along”, Chris said bitterly.

“But if they knew better than us, why did they let everyone starve?” Matt was upset. “Why did they let us die out?” “I don't know”, Arthur answered. “Perhaps Victoria Byng knows or she'll find out. She's on our side.” “I hope so”, Chris sighed. “Or else we're fucked.” “They can't make us take Joy again”, Brad said sternly. “I rather die in another fight than becoming their slave again!” “Perhaps more Wellies think like that...” Arthur dreamed out loud. “Oh, Arthur, we must look like absolute morons to you! We played along all this time!” Matt eyed the floor. “I wasn't any smarter, believe me. It was pure coincidence that I went off Joy and it could've happened to any of you.” Arthur actually wasn't reproachful for a reason he didn't really understand. “I'm not better than you.” “Well...I guess we can only wait now...”, Brad sighed. “Let's hope it won't backfire”, Chris said. “I don't want a new Committee that kills everyone who dares to smile.” “Don't you have a vivid fantasy!”, Nick blurted out. “Remember me to never let you tell me a bedtime story.” “I'll kill everyone who tries to suppress me.” Brad scowled. “If they dare...” “They can't do that again. They went too far.” Matt was determined now. “They can't prevent us from finding a way out, sooner or later”, Nick pointed out. “Many people are digging in the tunnel or looking for another way...and those who stay won't submit.” “In any case, not us!”, Chris decided. “No way!” Nick agreed. “I won't start now”, Arthur added. “I'm done with it, too”, Matt said. “I want to see them try”, Brad repeated. “We should drink to that!”, Nick cheered. They did with pleasure.

“Now let's dream a bit...”, Chris said some time later. “What if the tunnel opened one day? Where would you go?” Arthur's face fell. “I'll go to Germany...” “Arthur!” Chris shook his head as if he was talking to a stubborn child. “You have to go to France!  Paris! The city of love!” “Or how about the Maldives? Reputedly, people went there on holiday but most likely nobody of us had ever been there,” Matt proposed. “But islands again?” “Pretty islands.” “They remind me too much of this town. I want to go to a place I can easily leave when I have enough.” “So, the moon falls flat”, Brad deadpanned. Chris laughed. “That's not an option.” “How do you know?”, Matt asked. “Perhaps it's already settled and we're the last ones to notice!” Nick gave Arthur a pitiful look while the others were dreaming out loud.

“I have to find my brother...”, the former reporter said quietly. The others fell quiet. “Your brother is in Germany?” Chris had a suspicion. “He was in the train...There's at least ten places where he could have spent his childhood...I need to find him, even if it takes my whole life...” “So, your adventure continues?” Brad asked. “It's not over yet...”, Arthur muttered. “But this time he has me”, Nick announced, putting his arm around his lover and squeezing him. The room was silent for another second. “Well...that's odd...I almost got used to you again”, Chris said to Nick. “How do you plan to get there?”, Brad asked. Arthur and Nick looked at each other. “We don't have a plan yet”, Nick admitted. “We'll figure that out while finding a way off this island”, Arthur added. “Maybe we'll meet there some day...Germans might like music, too”. Nick smiled. “Sure. We become a marching band and learn yodelling...We'll be the greatest stars in Germany,” Chris joked. They laughed.

“Jokes aside, it's not too far away. We'll be close”, Brad stated. “You can visit us any time”, Nick said. “With pleasure, as soon as you moved into your estate on Lake Constance...”, Chris answered. “Not any sooner, eh? Spoilt snobs! I'm glad I don't have to put up with you anymore.” Nick crossed his arms. “Have fun with him, Arthur.” Once again, they laughed over the finality of their decision. Arthur had counted on them to try to change their mind, at least winning Nick over. Instead they had just accepted it. Also Nick hadn't hesitated to tell them his plan. The whole thing looked settled and still Arthur felt unwell.

“What will you do?” “Well...in all honesty...we don't know...or do you?” Brad passed the question to Matt and Chris. “I keep making plans and abandoning them again”, Chris said. “What's to plan anyway?” Matt found. “We don't know the world outside.” “We should collect a few informations before leaving”, Brad said. “We'll come up with something”, Chris assured Arthur. “Don't worry about us. We made a living here and we'll make it outside as well.” “Or we stay until we're filthy rich and go for a world tour”, Matt said. “Then we pick you up.” “I like that plan”, Nick agreed grinning. Arthur let himself get carried away and smiled too, but he was deep in thoughts. “At any rate, you're as stubborn as Nick.” “I take that as a compliment.” Chris laughed. Like this, they had an actually good time. Arthur hadn't had such honest and joyful company in the past few years, but he noticed how Nick and the band understood each other nearly without words. It made him wonder if he even had an equally close bond to Nick.

One time, Nick went into the kitchen to collect replenishments. Chris followed him and suddenly grabbed Nick by the shoulders. “Now you're leaving me, just when I begin to like you, you little bastard!”, he hissed and shook Nick slightly. “Make sure you become a star this time, so I don't have to come back to run the show for you!” Nick replied insistently. “Ah...that's what it's about...” “Exactly! Don't disappoint me, you hear me? Don't think I can't keep an eye on you just because I'm in another country!” Chris nodded. “You'll hear from me.” “I hope so”, Nick said less jokingly. “I'll miss you, little one...” “I'll send you postcards. In German.” “Great...So I can't even read them.” Nick pulled Chris into a short and tight embrace. “What's taking you so long? We're thirsty.” Brad came in. “There comes the gooseberry...” Chris let go and viewed Nick's face. “Any love bruises? No? Good...” “You cheaters!”, Brad shouted. “And Arthur sits right next door, I can't believe it!” Nick quickly backed away from his fellow guitarist. “You're silly, both of you”, he said pouting. “What did I do?” Chris played upset. “You're a bad kisser.” “You prick!” Chris lifted up his hand as if he wanted to slap him. Brad burst out in laughter. Then Matt and Arthur came in. “Don't drink it all alone, we have a guest!”, Matt shouted. When Arthur asked Nick what happened, he only shook his head. It made Arthur doubt their bond even more.

When they went home, Nick was still in a good mood, but it could've been the alcohol, too. “See, it all went well”, he said confidentially. “They're good chaps, they want nothing but our best.” Arthur wondered if Nick had drunk so much for a reason. "They are, but are you really ready to leave them?" "I am! I already told you!" Shortly after, Nick seemed to be sorry for his rough answer because he put an arm around Arhtur's shoulder and softly whispered: "Come, I'll show you something..."

Arthur asked himself if Nick should rather lay down and sober up, but he didn't want to ruin this for him. He let him lead out of town. When they approached the bridge, Arthur tought they'd go back to Hamlyn Village, but then Nick went straight to the handrail and climbed over it. Then he offered his hand for help. Arthur took it with pleasure. He soon understood why Nick brought him here. The place looked similar to their Garden District. It was a rawer landscape, with rocks spread over the meagre grass, but it still had it's magic. A glimpse of freedom that Arthur felt especially at the sight of the ocean. He remembered standing on Britannia Bridge and caught himself wishing he could show it to Nick. Being alone with him like this, enjoying the silence around them, only the rushing of the wind instead of the noise and hubbub that usually surrounded Nick, he suddenly had the feeling that they shared a closer bond that nobody else could break. Nick moved so casually within the silence as if he didn't need anything more. Here, Nick was just himself and seemed to be happy. Arthur noticed just now that he was still holding Nick's hand.

"It's a beautiful place", he said eventually. Nick gave him an eased smile. "I figured it'd be nice to have a moment for ourselves", he said quietly. "I like these moments." "Yeah, me too", Arthur answered just as quietly. Then he bit his lower lip, pondering if he should say what lay on the tip of his tongue. And how. "But would they be enough?", he then dared to ask. Nick didn't answer promptly. He seemed to think about it despite his current state. Arthur was glad that he took the question seriously.

"You know...looking back at my life, at everything that happened to me, everything I still see in my dreams..." Nick paused to gaze into the distance, slowly letting out the air as if he was letting go of a heavy weight. "I like the silence", he concluded and Arthur believed that he was feeling this way right now. "There's a lot I didn't tell you yet, Arthur", he went on and Arthur hung at his every word. His soft voice comforted him. "We spoke about my past with the band a couple of times but for your interviews I could only tell you the good things...I had good times, of course, and I don't want to forget any of them ever again. But in most situations I couldn't make my own decisions. I noticed it in the past few days when I was talking to the lads...I didn't know what was happening around me, I didn't look through other people's plans, I was tossed about by fate, I fell between the cracks...It was always loud around me, I barely had time to think about what happened and what I really wanted. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be aware of what I'm doing. I want to make my own decisions. I want to enjoy every minute, just like this very moment. It's gonna be a new start. You gifted me a new life and I want to live it." He said the last words insistently.

Arthur remembered how he found Nick. He had lost control over his life long ago and he had no greater wish than to get it back. It was fitting. "You could try to become famous by your own decisions", Arthur proposed. "I could, but like that I'd only repeat myself", Nick said calmly. "And how it ends, I know that too. I don't know if I want that again...so soon...And if it doesn't work out, I don't know if I can bear to see me fail...It's bringing up so many memories...I want to try something I can't compare myself to." Arthur let his gaze wander along the weathered rocks. "And if you don't like your new life?", he asked quietly. Nick looked at him. "Then I at least tried." Arthur gave a meek smile. He in turn had no greater wish than to take Nick with him, who supported him and cheered him up. But... "We won't be free", he replied. "We'd have to do all it takes to find Percy, no more, no less. We'll have a mission, so to say..." "We'll have a firm goal", Nick said. "A simple, understandable task. That's good." He nodded.

Why did Arthur feel like personificated chaos while Nick kept a clear head? Arthur's head was spinning. He noticed how Nick eyed him from the side. "What is it, Arthur? Tell me the truth. Do you want to leave me?" Arthur's expression was painful. "No, but..." "You think you don't deserve it", Nick said. "You think it's your fault, your problem and you have to go through with it on your own." Arthur almost winced. The analysis was scarily exact. "You showed me that I'm worth loving. Why can't I show you that you deserve to be happy? I want to comfort you when you're sad, I want to support you when you doubt yourself and I want to help you when you're in trouble. Let me do this, if you must, do it for my sake. I need you, Arthur." His green eyes lay on Arthur, who could barely stand the look. He began to shiver. "Nick, I also didn't tell you everything, but I'm afraid I must, or else I can't look into your eyes ever again." Nick fell quiet and waited. Arthur crossed his arms and turned away. "It's my fault that Percy was brought to Germany. He wasn't even on the list, but me...We went to the station together, he wanted to come along, just because he didn't want to abandon me. He was so trusting and didn't fear for himself..." Arthur gulped. "I posed as him....I acted as if I only went along to say goodbye to my younger brother...I made it back out like this, but I saw how they pushed him into the train...he called out for me...he was so afraid..." Arthur fought back tears. "Now I wish I was there..." He fell silent, sobbing and waiting for Nick's judgement.

“How old have you been?” Nick asked quietly. “Twelve....Still young enough for the train And Percy was one year older...” “You've been a child, Arthur.” “I knew exactly what I was doing!” Nick didn't say any more. He hugged him from behind and held him close. Arthur clung to Nick's arms. “Why are you doing this?”, he asked after a while, letting go and eyeing Nick meekly. “Aren't you upset?” “Just look at you”, Nick answered. “You're not a child anymore. The man who's standing in front of me now wouldn't do this.” “But it still happened...” “You changed”, Nick insisted. “If it wasn't for you I couldn't judge you in the first place.” Nick kissed his cheek. “I'm glad you're here.” “It's not about me, Nick! I have to find him! I should've never dragged you into this!” Arthur winded. “And what do you do if you find him?” “I'll think about that later.”

“Arthur...Percy isn't a child anymore...He's leading his own life by now...Who'll keep you company if you find him and suddenly lose your only purpose in life? Who'll give your life a new meaning?” Arthur hung his head. “And if he didn't make it?” “Also then”, Nick said without mercy. “Who'll comfort you?” Arthur struggled to hold back tears. He wondered how on earth he deserved such a stubborn and affectionate man at his side. He couldn't simply push him away. “Nick, if you don't like it anymore, if you believe you made a mistake, you can go! You can go anytime!” Nick put his hands back on Arthur's shoulders. “This is an offer I can accept...”, he said quietly. He ran his hands along his upper arms, making Arthur's body tingle at the sensation. With Nick, he just didn't feel like he'll end up as shark bait while Nick drank margaritas on a desert island. Nick wouldn't give up on him, search the entire ocean if he had to and take him back to his island. Arthur already felt like he was there. He leaned closer to Nick and for a long while nothing happened other than their extensive kissing. Then Nick sat down on the grass and looked up to Arthur, inviting. “Here? Now?”, Arthur hissed. Nick took his hand and pulled him down.

Lying in the grass, Arthur found his body covered in kisses. Nick was eager to spoil every spot of him. Arthur's cheeks were salty from the tears he had shed, but Nick kissed them all away. Arthur winded giggling and gasping. His body tickled and his heart fluttered. The grass was cold, so was the air, but Nick's love bites warmed him. When his heated blood pounded in his veins, he pressed Nick down. He adored the soft foam that was growing along his upper lip, that would soon be a full Lightbearer moustache, and caressed it with his lips, before he placed a craving kiss on it. He wasn't shy with his tongue anymore. He wasn't shy with almost anything, causing Nick emit a noise that sounded like a purr. Then it was time for Arthur to redden Nick's skin with his teeth. Nick gasped, running his hands along Arthur's tights. Arthur bit him gently, his tongue massaged the sour spots right after. Arthur thanked him with every kiss, every gesture, overwhelmed by the promise he had just made.

Nick was so happy, he felt butterflies all over his body and his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He adored to see his Arthur in action and was looking forward to many, many more moments like this. With pleasure he felt Arthur expose him and skim along his lower back without shame. Nick moaned just as shamelessly when he felt Arthur shove a finger inside him. His body shivered, he pressed himself against it, begging Arthur to massage him. His blood was pounding in the right spot as his lover went along.  Aroused like this, Arthur felt ready. He held Nick close while his thrusts massaged him more. Nick's quiet whimpers were music to his ears. Arthur climaxed quietly, with his hands curled into Nick's hair and his head pressed against his chest. He relaxed like that for a while, receiving kisses on his head from Nick. Then he began to feel the chill on his naked skin and decided to put his clothes back on. Nick followed him shortly after.

They walked home slowly and peacefully, with their arms wrapped around each other, holding themselves as if the could barely stand. At the bridge, Arthur promptly lifted Nick up and carried him over the rail. Nick's expression after putting him back down was priceless. In town they walked next to each other as if they were friends, but if someone had paid attention to their looks they would've known better. At home, they both had a hot bath before they put themselves to bed.

The next day, Arthur didn't intent to wake Nick up early. His lover was most likely exhausted after everything he had been trough. Arthur himself was tired as well. The day wasn't quite inviting either, being cloudy and dark. The drizzle moistened the windows with tiny drops. It was the perfect weather to stay inside, have a hot chocolate and relax. But Arthur was still restless. He didn't feel well, just sitting around and hoping for the best. He was used to nothing good happening as long as he didn't do it himself. That was why he sat at his kitchen table, absorbed in his thoughts and forgetting to drink his coffee. The house was so quiet he could hear the clock ticking that hang on the wall next to the fridge. The radio had stopped playing the happy jingle that would normally start every day in Wellington Wells. He could just as well bin it, but he hesitated to change anything in this house. To make himself comfortable in it. After all, it was supposed to be only a stopover before they would go on their journey. But to make it that, he had to do something. After Arthur had walked back an forth in between the kitchen and the living room for a while, he couldn't bear it any longer. He wrote a letter to Nick and put it next to him on his pillow. He hoped to be back before his long sleeper woke up. Then he put on his coat, opened the brolly with the colourful pattern and went outside.

Nick woke up much later, feeling cosy, lolling and stretching out. He was completely refreshed. He remained in the bed a little while longer after noticing that Arthur had already gotten up, listening if he could hear him downstairs. It was very quiet. No footsteps, no clanking of the dishes, only the silent pattering of raindrops on the window. Nick sat up, thereby noticing the letter.

Nick darling, I'm on the move again. I need to make sure we're getting out of here. Don't worry about me and take a rest. I'll be back soon. I love you! Arthur

Nick stared at it. It sounded loving, of course, and not if Arthur had had any bad intentions. Still, it bothered him. Nick was sure that he couldn't expect Arthur to wait for him to awake from his sleeping beauty sleep, and Nick had been really tired, he admitted that. Still...why couldn't they go together? Was it really too necessary to wait? Did Arthur fear that Nick would spoil it? Or be bored? Nick rumpled the paper and let it fall on the table. What are you doing to me, Arthur?, he thought sadly. Then he told himself he should trust him. That he had a good reason to do it. That there'll be a good explanation for all this. He sighed. However, he was alone now. Take a rest. How was he supposed to relax while Arthur was out there facing who knows what? He just had to play the hero again.

Nick left the bed. He couldn't sit around and wait anyway. He needed a distraction and perhaps he could even do something useful as well. On the way downstairs he remembered Hunt. Of course, his Bobby, who in a way was also his friend. If Arthur couldn't help him, he had to do it on his own. He couldn't leave poor Hunt to rot in his old home. He left a note for Arthur and went into the cold and moistly weather.

This time he went to the bridge to actually cross it. He knew the way by heart, still it felt strange. Walking by the counter where normally a Constable would control the passports, he found it empty. He went along the bridge all alone, then Maidenholm greeted him in all it's silence. It looked like a ghost-town.  Nobody had cleaned up this place. Old newspapers lay in puddles or flew by in the wind. He saw rats gathering the leftovers from the pantries of the houses. The gardens were abandoned, all windows closed. In his best days, Nick had known every face in his district. A few of them had been in the church. He could only guess where the rest had ended up. How many of them had been chased into the Garden District, without him noticing? The rainbow-coloured road looked more pale than he remembered. All houses had been more colourful as well. Did he only imagine this? Still, the town could be beautiful. Perhaps this place would be populated again. He would definitely bring it up next time he was in the church.

His own home after all occurred dusky and not very welcoming to him, even though he had liked visitors in the old days. The red carpet was greasy. The former bright red was vaguely perceptible. Nick made a few steps until he noticed that someone sat in front of the door, cowering and visibly sleeping. Under the canopy he was protected from the rain, but still it must be cold and uncomfortable. The uniform definitely had seen better days. He had taken off his helmet and the blonde hair told Nick that it was indeed Hunt.

“Hunt?”, Nick tried. When the man didn't answer, Nick grabbed his shoulder and shook him a bit. The man finally awoke with a grunting noise and then looked around frantically. He seemed to back away from Nick, even though his body was already pressed against the door. “Don't worry, it's just me, Nick”, Nick reasoned with him. “The band told me you're here.” “Nick?”, Hunt stammered. “Mr. Lightbearer?” His eyes widened and he went back up on his feet. He grabbed his arm tightly, so that it stung. “I'm so happy to see you alive!” “You know, a cat has nine lives...”, Nick played it down, massaging his arm. “What are you doing here?” “Er...well...” He shrugged. “I don't really have another place to go...I'm lucky enough, escaping the Parade and all...Here, it's a safer place for the likes of me.” “Perhaps the Parade calmed down. People stopped fighting and they have other worries now.” “Yeah, Mr. Reid told me something like that, too. You know, it's different with the other Wellies. They didn't know what they did...” “You neither.” “Blackberry Joy isn't the same as normal Joy. It doesn't make you forget...We had to keep a clear head. Who else could push through law and order?”, Hunt admitted contritely, leaning against the door and hiding his face. “I knew and I only watched...” “You couldn't stop that easily”, Nick opposed. Hunt gave another shrug and made a helpless sound. “You only guarded my house!”, Nick said with emphasis. “Yeah...after working night shifts for a long time...I can't get the bloody jingle of the Jubliators out of my head...” Nick understood how he felt. “You don't have to torture yourself though. Go inside and warm up.” “My place is out here.” “From now on you have a larger field! Go inside and warm up, that's an order!” He raised a smile from the taller man. “Well...won't do any harm...”

Nick followed him inside. “Oh”, he noticed. “We should let some air in...” “Aye, sir.” “Has it always been that dusty?” Nick remembered that his last charlady had given up months ago. Besides that, everything looked the same. Nick ascended the stairs to his bedroom and looked inside. The same as always. Nick was suddenly undecided about what he intended to do here. He gave his golden records a wistful look. He'd miss them probably. But what use would they be in Germany? Then he recalled something else that was located in this floor. Back in the corridor, he opened a door to a smaller bedroom. It took a lot of effort to go inside. Too many memories were collected here, shattered dreams and pain. But also one memory he wanted to keep. He went to the desk and lifted up the little frame, not without looking at the photo as well. Arthur would allow it, right? It was his past after all. Nick put the frame into his pocket and left the room with a heavy heart. Before he closed the door, he hesitated. He felt like Morrie had called out for him. But that was impossible. Surely, it was only a plank that had creaked. He finally closed the door. In the second floor he found his iconic blue guitar and shouldered it. Then he had everything he wanted.

Back downstairs, he found his Constable sitting at the kitchen table in a sunken down position. The window was open. The look Hunt gave him made Nick ask: “Do you really want to stay here?” “I want the old days back, when this place was full of life.” “Now the Parade is where the action is. You could try to find a new home there. I can help you.” “And I could guard you...on you way back...yeah, I could do that...” The tall man stood up and closed the window. Nick was pleased with himself. Stepping outside, he took a deep breath, waiting for the Bobby. Hunt locked the door when he went out. Nick asked himself if anyone would loot this house. If so, they'd probably look for food. Who would still care about Nick's underwear?

Walking through Maidenholm, the district was as empty as it had been before. No one crossed their path. To the empty counter Hunt said: “Ah, Constable Johnson...well...He's always been kind of an arse...I guess he had it coming...” “He could be in the Parade”, Nick replied. “Maybe...”, Hunt said less optimistically. In the Parade District however they met multiple Wellies and received their mistrust. “Where do you think you're going?” Nick placed himself in front of Hunt. “We can go wherever we like. Did you forget?” “That doesn't apply for his kind”, the Wellie glared at Hunt. “He's clearly a Bobby! He doesn't even try to hide it!” “We don't want any Bobbies here!”, another man approached them. “And also no friends them!”

“You don't have to be afraid of him”, Nick persisted. “Hunt did no more than guarding my home for years. He's a good guy.” “Guarding your home?” The Wellie spit on the cobblestone. “That's neat. Must've been some big shot to afford this. Maybe Executive Committee?” “No, I'm not that relevant. I only lived in Maidenholm.” “So what? That doesn't prove anything! Your Bobby is making you suspicious!” “I never had any power! I'm just a musician!” For the first time they took notice of his outfit “You're a Nick Lightbearer lookalike?” “No, I'm Nick Lightbearer himself.” That made them fall quiet for a second. “Nick Lightbearer, eh? The one who distracted us with jolly tunes while we were starving?” “Who told us to take Joy with his songs?” “Who led us to believe everything was right as rain?” The Wellies came closer, not any less angry than before. More joined them. Hunt gave Nick a questioning look, but Nick shook his head. “I didn't know better than you! I took Joy just like all of you! What was wrong about cheering you up? That's what I always wanted, long before  we started to take Joy! I never meant to force you into anything and as long as some of you like my music, I'll play it!” “Nick Lightbearer?”, another Wellie shouted. “That's Nick Lightbearer?” More Wellies came and the atmosphere shifted drastically. Suddenly, the thugs were outnumbered. “Alright, you won for now. But if we catch your Bobby red-handed...”, one of them implied before he took to his heels. “Nicky! Sing a song for us! We love you, Nick!” Hunt looked at him again. “Are we running now?”

Nick agreed and soon they ended up far away from the bridge. They escaped the fans and carefully made their way to the alley of the Make Believes. “I'd like to take you to my place, Hunt, but it's too close to the main road. We better hide in the band's house for now.” “So, you split up again?” “We're still friends. It's just...I'm living with Arthur now. You remember him?” Hunt didn't have to think for long. “The friendly reporter?” “Yes, him.” “Would he want a Bobby close-by?” “He doesn't have much of a choice, now that my fans know I'm alive”, he joked. “Chin up, you're a good chap, believe it or not.”

Brad answered the door again. “Hey, uh...could we hide in your house for a while?” Nick pointed at his company. Brad understood. Inside, he asked: “How bad is it?” Hunt and Nick eyed each other. “It's me...I got recognised...” Nick scratched his head. Promptly, someone knocked at the door. Nick and Hunt winced. Brad set himself into motion again. He was surprised to find a complete stranger outside. “I'm sorry...May I speak to Mr. Lightbearer? I really need to see him!” “I'm sorry too, here's no Mr. Lightbearer!” Brad slammed the door shut. “How many followed you?”, he shouted walking back to Nick. “Nobody”, Nick said meekly. “I can confirm that, Mr. Wilson! Nobody escapes my eager eyes. This fan eluded me!” “Brad?”, they heard Matt's voice. He came running down the stairs. “Brad? Have you seen the crowd in our front garden?” He came into the living room and found Nick and Hunt being abashed. “Oh, no! Are they after you, Hunt?” Brad crossed his arms. “They want Nick.” Matt looked at the still famous enough star who smiled helplessly. Outside, the crowd began to call for their idol. It wasn't long until Chris ran into the room. “What makes them think Nick is here?” Then his gaze fell on Nick and drew the conclusion. “Why am I not surprised?” “We should've been more cautious about his outfit”, Brad commented. The Wellies began to knock at the door again. “Nick! Sing a song for us!”

“Should we wait until they bugger off?” Matt wasn't convinced himself. “I can go, then you're free”, Nick offered. “They'll tear you apart!”, Brad shouted. “Why not?”, Chris muttered. Brad gave him a look. Chris ignored it and approached Nick. “If they want a spontaneous show, why not giving them one?” “Can we?” Nick asked without hesitation. It seemed to be the easiest way out. “Yeah, we got everything from your house.” “And how do we keep them from breaking in to see us?” Matt wanted to know. Chris thought about it. “We have a flat roof we can access...people could see us there.” “Is that safe?”, Hunt asked. “I'm not excited about fighting off the poor sods who climb up the walls.” “It's quite high. Nobody should climb up there”, Brad mused. “So, it's settled?”, Chris asked. “Hell, yeah!”, Nick shouted. They hurried while Hunt locked all doors and windows. When the band finally arrived at the roof the crowd went wild. “Did anybody see my Joy?”, Nick asked, seemingly nervous. The others stared at him. “I'm kidding.” Nick grinned Their first song rang out in the entire district.

Arthur couldn't express how he felt when finally the light came through. The dark tunnel that had occurred to him as if it lay hundreds of miles below ground level, an unscalable prison for every Skipper, suddenly lit up. Little fluffs danced in the air, glittering like diamonds. For a while it was silent. The rain had stopped and in the bright blue sky above them they saw fluffy white clouds pass by. Then the noise broke loose. The workers cheered, danced, cried out their relief. It was infectuous. Arthur had to laugh too, patting other Wellie's shoulders. They made it! Finally! He could see the fatigue of multiple sleepless nights in their eyes. It had been worth it.

Arthur slowly progressed, walking by the celebrating Wellies, but as soon as he was alone again, he ran as fast as he could, following the rails. He climbed out of the ravine and abruptly came to a halt. The whole town was emptied. He had feared that a crowd would scramble for the tunnel, but no one had noticed. From afar, he heard music that, after a further analysis, couldn't come from a radio. Was that...? Arthur's heart pounded after running and climbing. Or was it because of the music? He followed it and after a while, he met Wellies walking into the same direction. “Oh, no...” The crowd was getting bigger. They were all here, looking up for some reason. Further away, on a roof, Arthur recognised Nick. He was back in his element. Without Joy. Arthur was proud of him, but he also felt melancholic. Did it change everything?

Arthur wanted to reach him before anyone else noticed that the tunnel was open, but his gaze wandered helplessly along the masses. It was impossible to get through there. And then he couldn't simply walk through the door without letting everyone in. But wait...wasn't that the same house...? Sure, why would they carry their instruments any further? Arthur went a devious route, always watching out for fans, until he arrived in the backyard. But of course the door was locked. At first he knocked, but as expected, nothing happened. Who was supposed to hear it anyway? Desperately, he hammered against the door, fearing to alarm the whole district. “It's me, Arthur! Let me in!” When he felt ridiculous already, someone actually opened. It was a very tall man. The white shirt and blue trousers seemed to be the remnants of a uniform. “Arthur? Mr. Hastings?” Arthur gasped. “C...Constable Hunt?” The old escape reflex kicked in, but Hunt grabbed in and pulled him inside. Then he looked the door again, securing it with a chain around the handle and a dresser shoved in front of it. “I need to see Nick...” He felt the need to explain. “Go ahead, he's on the roof.”

Arthur ran upstairs. His heart was still pounding. When he heard that they had just finished a song, he went outside. Carefully avoiding the cables, he made his way to Nick who was talking to the other guitarists. Arthur put a hand on his shoulder, making Nick wince and turn around. Arthur's expression alarmed him, so he put the guitar down and followed him back inside. Nick waited for him to speak, so Arthur blurted out: “The tunnel is open!” “Wha...really?” Nick began to beam. “You made it?” “Come, I show you”, Arthur said. Or was it more likely a question? “You want to leave now?” Nick looked startled. “No, only show you, before they realise it and the place gets crowded.” Arthur's eyes begged. It seemed like Nick would only reluctantly go. Arthur prepared for a refusal when Nick said: “Okay. Just let me give the word.” With that, he went to talk to the band, but came back shortly after with an expectant look. Arthur was looking forward to leave this noisy place and he was even happier that Nick went with him. They sneaked out of the backyard after Hunt had opened up for them and went another devious route, hiding and watching. “This is like the old days”, Nick whispered gleefully.

Like this, they reached the ravine and climbed inside. Nick had never thought they'd conquer this again. From the bottom up it looked less intimidating. When they went into the tunnel, Nick began to feel a little queasy, watching the ceiling as if it could collapse any second. Arthur noticed and took his hand. Nick gave him a thankful look, then they went on. Nick's footsteps were more determined now. He was also surprised when the tunnel lit up and couldn't avert his gaze from the beams of sunlight breaking through. He stared at the sky just as stunned as Arthur had been, at least he found that there was a certain resemblance. But this time, Arthur took the first steps towards the light. He still held Nick, who cautiously climbed after him. Back outside, also Arthur was overwhelmed. The horizon was bright and clear. He could look much further than before. The land that had been purely black and vaguely shaped, now exposed a coastal cliff, meadows and forests. The bridge went all the way to there, it's end vanished somewhere in the distance.

“Wow!”, Nick produced. “This is the mainland? Just like that?” He pointed at the horizon. Arthur nodded. “And you wanted to go all the way on foot?” Nick pointed at the bridge and grinned. Arthur had to grin, too. He went a few steps with Nick, until they were surrounded by nothing but the ocean. Arthur rested his elbows on the handrail and Nick did the same. “Do you smell that? No Motilene, no chemical waste...” Arthur took a deep breath. Nick closed his eyes and breathed in as well. “This is the real world, huh?”, he asked after enjoying the fresh air. “Yeah...a part of it...” “Can't wait to see more...”, Nick whispered. Arthur was happy to hear that. He beamed at Nick. “And from here you came back to me?” Nick turned around, leaning his back against the rail in a nonchalant manner. The wind had already ruffled his hair. Arthur would've loved to take a photo of him now. “Yeah...”, Arthur felt flattered. “It must've been hard for you.” “Actually, it wasn't...I couldn't leave you like that...” “You have a way of disappearing and coming back...” Arthur smiled helplessly, clutching the rail.

Nick eyed the stony floor, pondering. “Arthur...”, he then said. His tone alarmed Arthur. “Why did you leave me this morning?” Nick gave him an urgent look. Arthur stared at the horizon. “Because...because I had to do this alone...” “You wanted to punish yourself again?” “No...You were tired...You needed to rest and I didn't plan to be gone for long...Then one thing led to another and...I'm sorry...” “So you wanted to protect me?” “Yeah...” “Why?” “Just look at you!”, Arthur shouted desperately. “I can't let anything happen to you!” “You put yourself in danger?” Nick became louder. “No!”, Arthur quickly replied. “Well...not more than usual...Nick, I have to put myself in danger every day! Me and...others to....But you...I can't let anything happen to you...”

“Arthur, this is over! You're not a Downer anymore, nobody's chasing you for what you are and you're not alone! I understand that you're used to this, but we have to move on! I'm not a spoiled rockstar you have to spare! I'm your partner! You hurt me when you run off all alone! The tunnel could've collapsed! Your old boss could've changed her mind and kidnapped you! And I wouldn't know where you are! How could you do this to me?” Arthur couldn't come up with a good answer. “The worst you can do to me is disappearing, you hear me? If you put yourself in danger, I want to be at your side! I want to know where you're going if we really have to split up!” Nick had shouted the last words. He was really upset. Arthur hadn't seen him so angry before. “I'm sorry, Nick...I didn't think about it this way...I just had to do something...I'm sorry, please don't tell me I fucked this up...” Arthur was at the edge of tears. Nick promptly embraced him, noticing how much he needed it himself. “Ssshh...don't panic...I still love you...” They held still like this and and slowly calmed down.

“Don't do it again, okay?”, Nick said quietly. “Okay...I promise...”, Arthur whispered meekly. “It's hard not to see you as a star...” “But you've seen my real self...” Nick recalled something. “It's the name, right?” His face fell. “I know your name isn't 'Lightbearer'”, Arthur disagreed. His partner averted his gaze. “But it's also not 'Nick'.” Arthur was really taken aback. It felt so natural to call him 'Nick'. No other name seemed to fit. He even looked like a 'Nick'. “I never meant to keep it a secret. You have the right to know the truth, but there never was a fitting moment...” He faced Arthur again. “My name is Norbert. Norbert...Pickles...If you need to laugh, just do it...” Nick crossed his arms, dropped his gaze and waited. Arthur wouldn't be the first. Some people knew his name, from gossip or any other source. Their reaction was mostly the same. “I don't know why I should laugh...It's just a name.” Arthur came closer. “It never bothered me...But after years of being The Lightbearer...”, Nick explained and shook his head. “It's hard to look at it the same way again.” He looked back up to his lover. “You don't have to use it...But you can...Just do as you like...” Arthur felt that he'd need a while to get used to it. Still, he felt that the other man had just tightened their bond. “Thank you for telling me the truth...Even thought you're still 'Nick' to me...” “Thanks for not laughing.” Nick smiled his adorable smile. Arthur cupped his cheeks and kissed his hair.

They enjoyed their moment some more before they started back. Arthur was glad not to meet anyone yet. Back in town, they still heard The Make Believes perform. “Good idea...that concert...people love it”, Arthur stuttered. “We didn't really have a choice.” Nick chuckled. “It doesn't change anything?” Arthur eyed him carefully. “Nothing at all”, Nick confirmed. They silenced, listening. “Do you want to finish it?”, Arthur asked. “If you agree?” Nick didn't urge him. Arthur smiled meekly. “Just go for it, my Golden God.” He gave him a slap on the lower back. “I'll take care of you when you come home.” Nick beamed and ruffled Arthur's hair. “Until then, my tall boy.” After a passionate kiss, Nick hurried to join his band.

Arthur stayed outside for a while, watching Nick proudly, then he obeyed his tired body and went home. There he prepared for his journey, at least emotionally. He realized that not only Nick left his old life here, but also himself and he looked for something  to keep. After deciding for the medal that he had brought from his former hideout and the documents about Percy he had to keep anyway, he put the few objects on his night table and lay down on his bed. A few moments later he dropped off.

Nick was excited. The noise of their last song was still ringing in his ears. The last applause had doped him. And now this! He had to tell Arthur! His rash footsteps echoed in the night, but he wasn't afraid. The show had ended long ago and the fans had gone back home. Out of breath, he reached Arthur's home and hurried into the corridor. There, the light was out. “Arthur?” He flicked it back on. Nick assumed his lover was already in bed. He ran up the stairs. Also the upper floor was dark. In the second floor, the light went on and a sleepy Arthur appeared at the stairs. “Nick, is that you?” Nick stormed up the stairs and span his lover around who yelped adorably. “Pack up your things, my King! We're going to Germany!”, he shouted and kissed Arthur wildly. Greeted like that, Arthur had to catch his breath. “Nicky, I'm glad you're so motivated.  No need to exaggerate though, it's not going to be a fun journey”, he said but laughed nonetheless. “Oh, yes, it is! I know how we get there!” “Really?” Arthur's eyed widened. “You better sit down.” Nick shoved him back into his bedroom and placed him on the bed. Arthur stared at him while Nick shortly searched for words.

“After we told the boys our plan, they went looking for opportunities. They met Birdie today who has a similar problem.  Her manager is looking for ways out of here and you won't believe what he found out! Germans actually love beat music and he's already in contact with a club there! He'll organise it all...the journey...the night stop...Isn't that fantastic?” Arthur was overwhelmed once more. Their whole impossible, lonely journey, suddenly simplified? On the one hand, he was fascinated about how fast Nick came up with a solution. It was another reason to have him at his side. On the other hand, it had an unpleasant connotation.

Arthur's silence worried Nick. “What's wrong?” His lover made a pained face. “So, you'll stay with the band...” “No, you got me wrong.” Nick sat down next to him. “I'll stay with you.” “How is this going to work?” “We're travelling with the band, because it's the easiest way out. Also, we'll need money and a place to sleep. And then...” Nick shrugged. “The rest is our adventure.” Arthur pondered. “Come on, is it easier to find Percy completely without resources or help?” Nick tried a joke. “What if he'll become a fan?” Arthur had to grin even though he doubted it. “And what if you don't want the silence anymore?” “You mean, if I don't want you anymore?” Nick leaned closer and tenderly kissed Arthur's cheek. “Then I must be the biggest dumbass in the world,” he whispered close to his ear. Arthur's resistance melted away. He accepted another loving kiss from Nick.

They had a very emotional night, dwelling in dreams and wishes. They slept together and then left the house for a night walk. It was the greatest conquest of their new freedom that they could enjoy the night without fear, at least that's what Nick thought. Also Arthur appeared to be ravished by the starry sky. “It's really pretty”, he sighed. “Everything is pretty as long as you're by my side”, Nick purred, rubbing his cheek against his shoulder. “Yeah...” Arthur had to chuckle. “Alright, I believe you!...you won...! I believe you!” “Finally!” Nick shouted out loud. He went a few steps forward, spread his arms and yelled: “My man believes I love him!” “Sssshh!”, Arthur hissed and laughed. “You're crazy...” “Yes, I am”, Nick confirmed. “But happy.” He fell back into Arthur's arms. “Me too...”, Arthur said and hugged him tightly. “Me too...” They stayed outside until sunrise.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Behind The Mask

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34851811/chapters/91842601

Chapter 15 (FINAL)

After running a few steps, Nick suddenly stopped. “Where are we going?”, he asked, gasping for air. Also Morrie was a bit out of breath after all that fuss, but he kept his grace when he asked: “Really, Nick? You didn't plan this out?” Nick turned his head, eyes full of hope. “You're saying...you want that date?” Morrie faced him. His expression was soft. “Yes, I do”, he said tenderly. Nick beamed with joy. “I know a good restaurant nearby...” “Then let's go there. All that excitement made me hungry.” Nick felt the same.

“You...uh...want to change first?” He pointed at the fancy rags the other man was wearing. “Ah, well...” Morrie removed the wig and pulled the fake moustache from his mask. “That should do.” “You look smashing in frills, Morrie-dear.” “Nah”, the pianist waved him off. “Not as good as you.” Nick was delighted about the compliment. Usually, Morrie wasn't keen on Nick Lightbearer's wardrobe. A short time later, they sat in a small but fancy restaurant close by the high coast.

“I can't believe you did this for me, Morrie”, Nick said quietly after they had placed their orders. When the tension in his body faded, he began to see the previous event from another perspective. “I can't believe it either”, Morrie replied. “It should've ended in disaster, exposing myself to your fans like that. I was afraid they'd slaughter me when I present them the 'real' Nick.” “I gave you a fit occasion. I got almost chased out as a Downer because of my new songs. I'm hopelessly soppy.” Nick shook his head. “I liked it”, Morrie answered. “Much better than your flirt with the host.” “Uh...that was only common courtesy.” “U-hu? She flattered you alright.” “Oh, Morrie, she doesn't mean anything to me”, Nick said with emphasis. “But I had to hide that I was already fed up with it all before it even started. You have no idea how sick I was.” “Actually, I think I can...That's why I'm here...” Nick smiled. “You gave me quite the turn...” Morrie chuckled. “You're welcome.”

“I panicked: Who's that guy? Why does he know all that about me? What does he want from me?” “Just teaching you a lesson...” Nick sighed. “You achieved that. You're something, Morrie. Hanging about in little pubs, hiding behind music sheets for years and then boom!” He snapped his fingers. “You deliver a show like that! You're quite charming if you want to be. There's no one else like you.” Morrie scratched his arm, averting his gaze. “I think I received more compliments in the last two weeks than in all those years with The Make Believes...” “So they were worth it?”, Nick asked quietly. “They changed me, I guess....” Morrie wiped his neck. “I mean, I could've sent you to that date...and waited it out...” “I'm glad you didn't! I don't want to date anyone else any more!” “I suddenly felt like giving you a scare.” “Oh, Morrie...”

“I have to admit I didn't do this just for you. The image of you spending a night with a fan...” He sighed. “I was jealous.” His confession sent a wholesome shiver down Nick's spine. “You mean...I still matter to you?” Morrie searched his eyes again. “You really changed...A few days ago I wouldn't have believed...our first encounter in the hotel...” Nick blushed. “Please, forget that! It was awful! I was awful and I took it out on you! I was so ashamed right after! It hurt to remember us...remember what I destroyed!” “I wonder, were you so ashamed that you needed a disguise to meet me again?” Now it was Nick who avoided his gaze. “I was afraid it would end in another fight...Or I'd say something awful again...I couldn't bear to see the disgust in your eyes, Morrie. I needed a new chance...I really thought I'd reach you like that...” He blinked. “Gosh, I'm turning Downer again...”

Morrie's hand touched his arm. Nick looked up, relieved to find no signs of anger in the other man's eyes. “It's okay, Norbert...It's okay...You've never been the type for easy solutions...” A thankful smile flashed over Nick's face. “Whenever I needed a sensible plan, I asked you...” “But too much sanity is boring. This evening was the best I had in years. It's all because of you.” Nick still smiled, speechless with joy. “Now let's enjoy our salmon before it gets cold”, Morrie concluded. Nick answered with a nod and began to eat. In the presence of Morrie, everything tasted better.

After a while, he noticed the other man gasped quietly. “Something wrong?” Morrie gulped and reached out for his glass of wine. “Just had to think of the poor sod that got a plate full of fish-bones smacked in his face.” They started to giggle. “He didn't deserve any better”, Nick defended himself. “I think your life had been more turbulent than mine.” “Although I can't remember half of it.” “Perhaps that's for the best...” They laughed again. It felt so good to laugh together. Nick loved to see Morrie cheerful. Morrie however found Nick's laughter very attractive.

When they had finished and Nick paid the bill, Morrie became aware that this had been a date. Being taken out, courted even, the way Norbert had done it in the past, feeling loved...Now Morrie was fighting back tears.

They left the restaurant, both deep in thoughts. Nick was gleaming with joy, which in turn affected Morrie, who realized he had underestimated what he meant to the rockstar. “It was a wonderful evening, Norbert. Thank you”, he whispered sometime. “I have to thank you, my hero. You saved me”, Nick purred. “Good night, Norbert”, Morrie went on. Nick realized that the date was over and suddenly felt weighted down. “Can I come to the bar again?” “Yes. I'll tell Murray to lift the ban.” “So...until tomorrow, then?” “Yes. Until tomorrow.” Nick's look was pleading. Unwittingly, Morrie stepped closer and a second later, Nick had wrapped his arms around him. Morrie froze, but nothing happened other than Nick tightly hugging him. It felt like a desperate embrace. Morrie tenderly stroked his back, waiting patiently. When Nick let go, his face was wet.

Something crossed Morrie's mind. “I forgot to thank you for telling me about the contest.” “But...I...I had to. You don't need to thank me for this.” “After everything that happened, I don't take it for granted.” “Right...” Nick hung his head, sadder than before. “It was meant to be a compliment”, Morrie explained sheepishly. “I wish I was better at this...I used to pick at you because I thought you're as reckless as always. But you're not. You would've kept it as a secret otherwise.” Nick's face lit up again.

“Have a good sleep, okay? You deserve it”, Morrie said, sounding almost like Virgil. “You too”, Nick whispered and Morrie was sure he'd have it. Morrie left and Nick sighed loudly when he turned the corner and disappeared.

The next day, Morrie visited the hotel manager in his office. “Hello Morrie, you wouldn't believe what happened yesterday!”, Murray greeted him with his usual bustle after a Lightbearer-show. “This guy sticks to no agreements! That contest became a spontaneous concert and now I have a pile of complaints about noise annoyance on my desk. But that's enough about me – how are you?” Morrie didn't show any sings of stress. “I'm here to thank you...I spoke to Nick, and...” He reddened under the mask. “You can let him into the bar again, he's not a bother any more...” The manager leaned back in his chair, eyeing Morrie with a mixture of relief and amusement. “Nick Lightbearer and you...Who would've guessed?” Morrie clasped his hands. “He changed...I'm giving him a chance...” “I'm happy to hear that, Morrie...”, his friend said dearly. “I wish you all the best.” “Thank you...” The other man gulped.

“I'm happy for me, too”, Murray joked. “Will he behave from now on?” “I'll do my best,” Morrie said with a shy grin. “Does he listen to you?” “Er...He does at times...I have to make sure he stays sober, then it'll be easy as cake.” “You poor thing. What did I get you into?” They laughed heartily. When they fell quiet, Morrie eyed his clasped hands. “Wish me luck, Murray...” “All the luck in the world. You deserve someone who's good to you. Let him spoil you for once, okay?” Morrie smiled. “You bet. And if he's making any trouble, tell me, I'll teach him manners.” “Alright, that's fine with me.”

In high spirits, Morrie went on stage and played, searching the bar with his eyes now and then because he longed to find a familiar face.

Nick had a pleasant morning. He woke up late, made coffee in his suite and then he had all the time in the world to sip it and think of Morrie. Later, when he was about to get bored, his manager paid him a visit. “Nick, my golden boy! You nailed it again! And you had me worried!” He gave his star a slap on the back that made him slump forward. “I still have it in me”, Nick praised himself, sitting up. “What about Morrie? Is he...?” “He's alright..He's just wonderful to me...”, Nick said and sighed. He eyed the manager who sat down next to him. “Virgil, could you imagine us...perform again?” “You and him? Together?”, the man asked, lifting an eyebrow. “Yeah...if he's comfortable...” “Did you ask him yet?” “Uh...not yet...But we kinda did perform already after the contest...And it was purely magical! Our bond is so intense again! If he feels the same, then....I'll go ask him today.”

Virgil pondered. “Well, if it's not about ruining your reputation and calling you a liar...” “No, it's not that. We'll have a fresh start if Morrie wants it.” “Huh...Morrie Memento...” Virgil shook his head. “Seems to have a comeback too. That article about him...You don't happen to have something to do with it?” Nick gave him an innocent look. “Maybe...” Virgil eyed him. “Will I ever know what you did with these clothes I gave you?” “Maybe.” Nick answered with a grin. “Trust me a little, Virgil.” His manager's expression softened. “Alright...Just tell me if there's news about Morrie, so I can arrange that.” “Sure”, Nick said quietly.

“And thank you”, he added when Virgil got up. His manager turned around again. “For what?” “For everything...” Nick shrugged. He made Virgil smile. “No, I thank you. I didn't think you'd come back like that. I'm glad I was wrong.” “You chose the best for yourself.” “That I did...” When Virgil had closed the door behind him, Nick sighed and yearned for the evening.

When the time had finally come and Nick set foot into the bar again, he nervously looked around, checking if the staff got the news. As always, Morrie had kept his promise. No one attacked him and he could freely choose a table. He had denied himself the wig and the moustache again, because people left him alone like this and of course Morrie liked him better this way. Full of anticipation he could barely listen to the pianist's play. His thoughts kept drifting away to the adventure that had brought him here.

With the memories came doubts. What if Morrie didn't really forgive him? It could be a game he played for revenge. He could easily break his heart just as he had broken Morrie's. Tonight Morrie could tell him that it had been just a cruel joke.

Nick watched Morrie who looked all vivid and happy. He wouldn't play such a game, right? Wasn't he happier than ever before?

Whatever, Nick had to wait. He had brought some pencil and paper, just in case he could turn some of his feelings into lyrics. He wrote down a few words that rather incoherently spread out onto the paper before he began to doodle.

Finally, the waiters began to clean the tables. Nick intended to wave at Morrie, but the other man already looked at him. He passed by the chattering staff and came to a halt in front of Nick's table. Nick noticed how Morrie eyed his features. “Hello Norbert”, he greeted him quietly. “Nice to see you.” “Hey, Morrie. Good to be here again”, Nick sighed. “Indeed.” Morrie sat down. “Can I offer you a drink this time?”, Nick gestured towards a bottle of wine he had ordered shortly before closing time. Conveniently, he had ordered two glasses as well.

“Yes, please”, Morrie answered and Nick served him. Holding his glass, the pianist asked: “What do we toast to?” Nick picked up his glass and drew it near Morrie's while he thought about it. “To the best Nick-Lightbearer-Lookalike in Wellington Wells”, he then offered. Morrie's laugh was music in his ears. “I guess this will never leave me.” The pianist looked meek. “You were smashing!”, Nick praised him. “I actually thought you were me!” “Oh, dear...I hope this never comes out...” Morrie shook his head. “Morrie Memento gambling for a date with his worst enemy...” He paused, wishing he had phrased it differently.

“Am I still your worst enemy?”, Nick asked quietly. “No...I shouldn't have said that....” “I was...”, Nick stated what Morrie didn't dare to say. Then he sighed. The glasses still floated in the air. “Let's toast to our fresh start?”, he suggested instead. “To forgiveness of old sins?”, Morrie added. “Yeah...”, Nick said. “If you can forgive me.” As an answer, Morrie let his glass touch Nick's. They quietly clinked. Nick had goosebumps when he raised the glass to his mouth and took a sip. Actually, he was too shaken to get anything down.

“Morrie...there's something I want to ask you...”, he began, slightly wincing. “When we played the song yesterday...did you like it? Would you do that again?” Morrie put his glass down. “Did you like it?”, he returned the question. “Yeah, a lot”, Nick answered without hesitation. “I missed it...” “Are you sure about this? You'd have to share your fame with me and you wouldn't be as free as you are now.” “I'm not free! I have to deal with a lot of stuff I don't like. But you and me, I want that! I'm ready to give it a try!” “I believe you, Norbert”, Morrie said calmly. “But let's be smart about this. I was alone for a long time, too. We might need some time to get used to everything.” “I wasn't happy alone...”, Nick admitted. Morrie nodded. “I know...” He took another nip of wine. “I'd be happy to have more shows like these.” Nick's smile spoke volumes.

“Your look!”, Morrie blurted out. “I still feel like I'm speaking to a ghost! You have no idea how much you startled me when you first took off the mask. I was about to faint.” Nick winced. “I actually have an idea...I was so wrong about everything and I'm so sorry...Does it still bother you?” He gave Morrie a worried look. “No, I...I like it...” The other man took a breath. “I like it and I want this to work.” “Me, too”, Nick said quietly. He considered something, biting his lower lip. “Do you want to come over to my suite? It's probably more comfortable there.” In fact, sitting in between put up chairs felt a bit odd. Not the atmosphere he would've chosen for a romantic evening. Nick knew he had to be careful, but Morrie's tone had motivated him to try. Now he silently waited for the answer.

After a short pause, Morrie said: “Yes...let's go...” A smile flashed over Nick's face. He got up and the other man followed him. They quietly left the bar and went into the next lift. They were still silent when Nick opened the door to his suite and turned on the light. He went to a side table to put the bottle of wine there. Morrie sat down on the couch and gave Nick a heart-warming look, so that the other man dared to sit down right next to him. Just when Nick attempted to say something, he felt himself wrapped into Morrie's arms. Breathing against Morrie's chest in surprise, he needed a moment before he hugged him back. They held each other for a long while.

When Morrie looked at him again, his expression was tender. “My Norbert...”, he whispered. His fingers skimmed over Nick's face and hair while green eyes watched him.

Morrie had feared that it hurt, that he couldn't forget about Nigel and always felt like he lost him. Now, holding Norbert in his arms, he realized he didn't miss Nigel...Or rather, that he didn't lose him.

“Don't do that again, you hear me?”, Morrie whispered without knowing what exactly he meant. “Never again...” He pulled him into another hug. “I promise, Morrie”. Nick's voice was soft as silk. “I don't want to lose you again.” The other man carefully kissed his forehead. Because it felt good, he continued with his temples. Like that, he worked his way towards Nick's lips until Nick, aroused by Morrie's fondness, took the chance.

Their kiss was more passionate and hungrier than before. Nick let his hands wander along Morrie's body, but then Morrie broke away from him. With their foreheads pressed against each other they paused, panting. “I'm tired”, Morrie whispered. Nick's body desperately cramped. Why now? What did he do wrong? “You wanna leave?” The other man answered with wry smile: “Why, don't you have a bed in here?” Nick's eyes lit up.

“I see, you're tired, too. Let's go then...” Suddenly, Morrie reached under him and lifted him up. “Gosh, you're light”, he stated. “You really don't eat enough.” “I don't want to get heavier! I like to be carried around”, Nick protested, joyfully floundering. “I could put up with a little more”, the other man said with a grin. “If you say so.” Nick giggled. Morrie gently placed him down on the bed and planted another kiss on him before he knelt down onto the mattress.

“Do you even like 'Norbert', or should I call you 'Nick'?”, he thought out loud. Nick reached out for him, grabbing his sweater. “Call me whatever you like, my love.” “I guess I'll go with both. Norbert, if you're a good boy, and Nick if you're bad.” The other man giggled again. “Then I hope I won't be 'Nick' too often.” Morrie fondled his hair. “You did something wonderful, even in an unlikely way...” “I wouldn't have made it without you. You gave me a chance...” “I guess we owe this to Murray”, the other man said with an embarrassed smile. “He talked some sense into me.” “Right...I'm surprised he even cared...” Nick's hands slid down. “He's my friend.” “I guess...”

Morrie hesitated before he brought out: “Norbert...?” “Yeah?” “Thank you...” Nick gave him a comforting blink. “You're welcome.” His hands caressed Morrie's. “...and I love you.” Nick paused. A spark lit up in his green eyes when Morrie bent down to bring their lips together once again. More hungry kisses followed. They didn't sleep that night.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/55126891

Chapter 6:

Nick started from his sleep, with the panic still pulsing through his veins. He had that disgusting smell of blood in his nose and the feeling that his hands were greasy. Rubbing them agains each other he made sure that they were dry,  but he still couldn’t fight the feeling that it was all very real. Pressing his hands against his forehead he listened to the maniac laughter that echoed in his mind and it made him very sick.

Joy. He needed his Joy now.

Seconds later he sat on his bed, all cramped and motionless and just waiting for the moment he got better. Joy helped him to sort his mind, but now it gave way to many more questions.

When he realized he was lying in his own bed again he wondered how he had been carried all this way back and forth. He wasn’t even sure if he actually walked all the way himself. His head was still foggy at that part. All he could remember was falling asleep at some point, after who knows how many hours of shaking in pain and crying in fear. 

Finally, he struggled to stand up and halfway out he found a piece of paper on his bed. That also happened with increasing regularity.

My dear Nick,

please forgive me the unpleasantness you had to endure during withdrawal. I hope you’ve learned your lesson, because I don’t want to be forced to use this method on you again.

Get well soon.

Yours

James

Nick felt like something hit him hard in the stomach. He let go of the note and it floated down on the ground while he realized what a shameful procedure it had been. And it could happen again if he didn’t get his shit together. But he kept failing. It seemed like all his efforts were to no avail. 

Devastated, he let his head sink into his hands and drowned in his thoughts, trying to fight the memories that feared and puzzled him. James came much closer to him than Nick had expected and he knew so much about him. He had found him, even though Nick hadn’t told him where he lived now. And he had carried him away and back again somehow. How many others worked for him? In fact, even if Nick knew the truth about James he wouldn’t have the chance to refuse him. He would find him.

Rubbing his eyes and turning his head Nick saw that his guitar was also lying in his bed and he asked himself what a show he had put on when he was high. One more glance and he saw the state of the entire room. It was basically nothing new, he thought while he walked around, eyeing the chaos. But that had been the whole point of moving here, right? If Virgil saw this…

Now Nick wondered how he could’ve been so foolish to believe it would help in some way. To believe that even Arthur could help him to get his shit together again. He shook his head in embarrassment and started to clean up, something he almost never did, but he also never had to hide the evidence before. Even though he probably chased Arthur away already, by revealing his true self and made sure that the other man never wanted to see him again. That was just how it turned out with everyone he met. They found out who he really was and fled him in horror, or disgust, or both. 

Nick stopped cleaning up because his view became too blurry to see anything. He let himself fall on the couch, shaking and sobbing. Why did he even bother? It always turned out the same way. Perhaps he would be better of dead.  At least an electrocution would’ve been a fast and painless ending. If only he wasn’t too coward to do it himself…

Arthur instead wasn’t sure why he returned to this living disaster once again. But he had a guess. Since he didn’t forget anything so easily anymore, he now was able to think about everything and everyone every time. Not quite a good feeling to get used to. Probably no one could imagine that it took him a lot of effort not to run into the next mood booth and say goodbye to all his worries. Maybe his Joy-free brain completely over-exaggerated everything, but especially Nick was sure to put himself in danger. Arthur told himself that he didn’t have to stay for a long time though, he could only peek in and vanish again. 

He came closer to Nick’s place and noticed that it was all silent. He hoped that was a good sign. But then he found Nick sunken down on the couch, similar to how he had seen him before in his house. This time however it was worse, Arthur noticed and froze hesitantly. He had been so quiet again that Nick didn’t hear him at all and he could see that he was shaken by uncontrollable sobs. Completely overwhelmed, he asked himself if he should stay and risk to turn this into an awkward situation or if he should leave and pretend he hadn’t seen any of this? But what if Nick was having a bad trip and was about to hurt himself? 

„Uh…Nick?“, he said not very wittily.

Nick looked up to him, with his reddened and shining wet eyes, like he was some kind of manifestation.

„Arthur“, he whispered in surprise. His voice was husky. Then he quickly turned his head and wiped away his tears.

„You’re still here…“

„Yes, uh…you weren’t there yesterday and I … just wanted to see if you’re ok. If you want some time alone I understand…“ 

„No, stay!“ Nick reached out for him, then he seemed to get second thoughts and sunk back down. 

„I can’t stand myself alone right now…“ 

Arthur walked closer and sat next to him on the couch, still unsure how he could even help him. 

„What’s wrong?“, he simply asked.

Nick sobbed again and spread his arms in a helpless gesture.

„I can’t do this anymore…Nick Lightbearer…that’s over. I’m out of energy and my head’s full of shit and I can’t stand myself anymore…“ 

He was interrupted by another sobbing fit while Arthur racked his brains to find something that could cheer him up.

„Don’t you still enjoy writing songs?“, he tried.

„Oh, Arthur, you sweet innocent flower, you! In the old days I did, yes! But now…it’s so much more…complicated…every song has to be the one…the one that brings me back…I just can’t keep this up anymore.“ 

Arthur looked around the place and got an idea of what was blocking him. All these golden records and trophies everywhere…as if he had produced nothing but smash hits. Perhaps he even did at the beginning, before it wore him out. 

„And if you imagined it to be like the old days? If you tried to forget the past for a moment?“

„Forget?“, Nick laughed bitterly. „No, it’s exactly like you said. I can’t forget some things, I can only forget all at once. And when I’m sober, my head is completely empty! I’m out of ideas! It’s over!“

Nick wrapped his arms around him and sobbed even more.

Arthur wondered if it could be just another whim of Nick, to be grieving deeply and it would be gone some time later. Still, he felt the urge to put his hand on the other man’s shoulder. He finally obeyed it, and soon he felt the soft cloth of Nick’s bright red jacket for the second time. But now Nick was awake. Arthur could feel him tremble, and the warmth that radiated from him. 

Nick felt the sudden touch and it sent a shiver down his spine. He turned his gaze to see if it was really Arthur who stroked his shoulder since he always seemed so unapproachable. It felt good to be close to him and it had been a long time since someone had given him this sort of attention. Even after everything he did, even though Arthur had all the right to abandon him he was still here and gave him a chance. Finally, his feelings took over him and he curled his fingers into Arthurs tight black suit and pulled the man closer, crying into his expensive cloth.

Arthur, who had been overwhelmed by this whole situation already, now froze completely and he needed some time to process what happened until he brought himself to pat the other man’s back. He was so close to Nick that he could now smell a fruity scent on him. A rather odd perfume, he thought. 

„You came here, because you hoped that it would change something,“ Arthur whispered into their silence.

Nick slightly loosened the grip and the other man was glad about it because his arms had started to hurt. Nick also straightened himself and backed away a few inches. Finally, he nodded.

„Damn naive I was…“, he muttered quietly.

Arthur put his hand back on Nick’s shoulder and gently squeezed it. The other man had to prevent himself from pressing his cheek against the warm hand.

„I don’t think it’s a bad idea,“ Arthur heard himself say and was immediately puzzled. Some minutes ago he still thought it was a horrible idea, too much of a risk and drawing attention. What was Nick doing with him, making him say such absurd things? 

Also Nick looked very surprised. And hopeful, as if he was hanging on Arthur’s every word. Just like when they first met. Arthur knew by now that there was something about him that made people set their trust onto him. They didn’t know how much he could disappoint them.

„It helps to change place…perhaps you should also…go outside? Undercover, I mean…and just…observe the town…maybe not too close though…but superficial…perhaps you even find something that inspires you?“

„Undercover?“. Nick winced. „That’s impossible! Everyone knows my face. I can’t walk on the streets anymore.“ He sighted deeply and bowed his head.

„But there must be something that inspired you,“ Arthur insisted, not willing to give up yet.

Nick seemed to ponder over it and his face started to lighten up a bit.

„Yes…Arthur, you’re right,“ he whispered. „I always had an inspiration, I simply forgot…“ 

The other man was glad that he had managed to say something helpful.

„And you think this works again?“, Nick asked him with an insecure tone and gave him this pleading look. 

„Well..why not trying it out? It’s a start after all…, i’d be surprised if you, of all people, can’t find back to your old shape,“ Arthur answered and, without thinking too much, gave him a playful punch against his shoulder.

Nick felt the impulse from Arthur’s fist and he liked how it ran through his body. 

„Thanks, Arthur,“ he sighted and came closer to him, looking at the folds he had left on the other man’s suit. „Thanks for staying here and listening to me…“ He lifted one hand and began to stroke Arthur’s shoulder and Arthur felt that the atmosphere was changing somehow and his heart started racing.

„Perhaps I’m not doing everything wrong…“ Nick purred and looked right into the beautiful brown eyes of the taller man before he made a decision.

Arthur watched him leaning forward and coming dangerously close to his face, before he jumped off the couch and took a few steps backwards.

„No hard feelings,“ he heard himself stutter for whatever reason and ran out of the room.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Pairing: Arthur Hastings/Nick Lightbearer

Rating: M

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/54456913#workskin

Chapter 2:

Thanks to the tea, Nick Lightbearer felt much more frisky than before when made his way to the church St. Genesis. The tea had been mixed up with a whole bunch of other herbs but he didn’t mind it that much. It seemed to be normal these days. Maybe some new fashion he had missed. 

What he really wondered about was that downer, Arthur Hastings. He wasn’t at all what he imagined a downer to be. Sure, he acted crazy, even suicidal. Nick still hoped that most of their odd adventure was only the result of his dizzy brain producing nightmares. Without all that, Arthur sort of was just a normal human being who wished to fit back in, what made his fate both touching and unsettling. If all downers felt like this, why did nobody help them? 

The thought gave Nick such an uneasy feeling in his stomach that he popped another Joy, just in case. He had to greet his fellow men with a happy face after all, as a mere act of courtesy. Soon, the substance washed away his stupid sorrows and he started to see it all differently. It wasn’t the first time he got something wrong after all, it didn’t have to be so bad. Why would it be? He even laughed at his ridiculous thoughts. But the downer…he could help him. There was nothing bad about that.

When he reached the church St. Genesis he solemnly knocked at the door. 

„Open up, I’m the bringer of the light!“

The old lady behind the door squeaked with pleasure. 

„Oh dear, Mr. Lightbearer in person! We’re so happy to have you here!“ She opened the door and Nick strode in, watching the players cheer and wave.

He didn’t expect anything less. Bathing in their excitement, he walked through the rows of players who all wore black rubber suits. 

As if that helped to ease the pain, Nick thought gloatingly. 

He loved this game, at least as a caller. He loved how everyone hung on his every word, how they jumped when he demanded it. And how they got zapped, when they didn’t obey. And still, everyone was having a lot of fun. Why couldn’t it always be so easy?

„Are you ready to play?“, he shouted at the cheering crowd, noticing that his voice sounded smashing today.

„Oh my god, it’s really him!“ 

„Nick, I love you! You’re my hero!“

Nick let his gaze wander around the crowd until he found a rather cute kitten in the corner to the right. He winked at her and she almost blacked out at that.

„Alright, 

Music on! 

Zapper on! 

Simon says the game begins!“

Nick started the game with his favorite call, because using it at the beginning meant that everyone would follow it. 

„Simon says, slap your face!“ 

It looked hilarious.

He was even more overwhelmed when the first loser went down under a massive flash of lighting that was accompanied by a fulminating thunder. This church was much better equipped than the little clubs he used to play in back in the day. 

After a few rounds he noticed that the players were real professionals, so this was going to be a long session. Usually it meant to be even more fun for him, but this time it could be that the winner was too worn out after this. He had to fasten things up.

„You’re fantastic, guys! I love this game! I love you! Do you love me?“

The players screamed across each other to display their affection.

„Bow down to me“, he demanded and indeed some people bowed, eager to show how much they loved their idol.

„I’m sorry my babies, I didn’t say Simon Says“, he apologizes with false compassion and enjoyed the great thunderbolt that almost blinded him.

Later a woman didn’t step on her own foot in time. Nick made a little dance when she got zapped and gained applause for it. If only someone made photos right now. He hadn’t felt so great in a long time and he wanted his fans to remember this day.

„Do you have fun, guys? No tricks this time!“, he shouted and held up his hands to prove that he wasn’t pressing any buttons to zap someone. The players jumped even higher, cheering and screaming louder. They should be really exhausted soon. Nick saw that their concentration faded and it didn’t take long until the next one went down dramatically. The smell of burned rubber filled the air and more and more zapped losers tossed about on the ground, moaning in pain.

The end of the game was near. 

Only three players were left and the kitten from the right corner was still there, even if she was already staggering. Nick guessed she couldn’t make it for long anymore. 

For his last rounds, he chose a row of harmless calls to make the players feel save again, until he sprang the trap. 

Two fell for it.

It was the girl and someone on the other side of the room who were running to nowhere fast.

„I didn’t say Simon Says“, he chanted, pointing at the two losers and letting the last bolt of lightning strike through the church. When the smoke faded away the kitten was still standing upright, looking around in surprise while everyone else was on the ground.

„And we have a winner! Yeah baby, it’s you! You’ve been fabulous!“

She could hardly believe her luck, screamed of joy and clapped her hands together while the organist played a cheery tune and the old lady announced her, Melissa Dupree, as the winner. No one questioned it as long as everyone was jolly.

She radiated with happiness when Nick presented her with the big shiny medal in the following ceremony, for that she had replaced the rubber suit with a colorful close-fitting dress.

„It was a pleasure to play with you guys! See you next time! Bye, bye“, Nick bowed out, drowning the noise of the loud moaning losers on the ground, a quite satisfying sight after such a great game. The winner was staring at him with wide eyes when he offered her his arm to lead her out of the church. She beamed brighter than her medal when they promenaded along the plastered rainbow but she also had a lot of questions.

„You did that for me, didn’t you?“, she said in a tone that told Nick she was melting away. „How did you do this?“

„Well…I just have a way with light, or lightning, if needed“, he answered mysteriously, making her giggle and wagger her finger at him.

„You’re a naughty boy, Nicky.“

He took the hand she held up, feeling her raging pulse.

„Forgive me luv, but I just couldn’t do this to you.“

To reinforce this he gently kissed her shivering hand, what made her moan with pleasure.

„Believe me, you deserve it anyway. You’ve been amazing until the end.“

„You really mean it, don’t you?“, she whispered, looking at him with her dark blue eyes that looked even bigger with the shiny white mask framing them. Their eyes met.

„I swear, I never cheated at Simon Says before. It’s a sacrilege!“, he pretended, slapping his hand on his forehead like he was really upset. Then he came closer and whispered: „You won’t tell anyone, won’t you?“

She giggled again.

„Huh…I can be a real chatterbox sometimes“, she said playfully and eyed him up. „Not sure if I can keep this a secret without any help.“

Nick liked her more and more.

„Let me help you, kitten. Come with me and we’ll have a lovely day.“ 

With that, he put his arm around her and she rested her head on his chest. 

He led her right to the Avalon Hotel, where the Wonderland Suite was waiting for them. 

He didn’t bring anyone into his house anymore because it kept being overrun by unannounced visitors. The suite at least had a secret exit he could use without almost killing himself. In addition, it made quite an impression to the fans when he brought them into the most expensive hotel in Wellington Wells that had everything: the red and golden carpets and furnishings, reverently bowing service staff that saluted him whenever he passed and finally his well-spaced ultramodern lounge in the suite.

Also Melissa stood there with a gaping mouth. „It’s so pretty.“

„It’s all for the two of us, baby,“ he purred and pulled her closer, what caused her to moan again with relish. „Oh Nicky…“

He silenced her with a lustful kiss and she leaned into it, wrapping her arms around him, made him feel how much she wanted him. Needed him. And he needed her. 

Long before they reached his bed her onetime perfect beehive hairdo was completely messed up, and his hair was probably too. Nick laid her down on the mattress and kneeled down at the edge of the bed, feeling her greedy stare on him. He raised himself up, clasping his hands behind his head.

„Do you love me, baby?“, he asked dramatically, presenting himself like an exhibition piece, ready to be judged.

„Yes, Nick…“ she sighted and came closer, her fingers touched his chest, making the cloth of his suit rustle promisingly. „You’re my hero…“ 

Now he shivered.

„Do you want me?“, he whispered in her ear and the started pulling at his jacket.

„Shag me, Nick Lightbearer! I’m all yours!“

That was what he wanted to hear. He grabbed her, pressed her into the mattress and 

everything the staff ever witnessed from this day were their screams that longed until the day passed into the night.

Nick woke up with a massive headache the next morning. He found himself lying on the sofa in the lounge in a rather uncomfortable position that made his muscles ache. The blonde girl lied next to him, still half undressed and snoring so loudly that he wondered how he had managed to fall asleep with her around. He clumsily crouched out of the lounge, not without tripping over empty bottles and spilled out pills. He missed the edge of the sofa and tumbled on the floor, now remembering why he liked the fluffy carpets so much.

Cold water..he needed cold water right now.

When he proceeded to stumble into the bathroom he felt his stomach turn badly and because he couldn’t run anywhere he let it all out right were he stood, before he moved on. He managed to get into the bathroom by clutching the doorframe and shoving himself in. When he was finally inside, he reached the tap at the third try, achieving that the ice cold water pattered right on his head. He jumped backwards, spluttering and cussing and dashed against the sink.

Now he was somewhat awake, he decided. And he was done with cold water for today. He somehow succeeded to turn off the tap without drowning himself and then he started to search the cabinet above the sink for his supply of Strawberry Joy. 

He couldn’t start the day without it. 

A lot of trash fell out and startled him before he finally found his pills. He greedily swallowed one and closed his eyes, waiting for the stimulating effect. He knew that after such a long night the substance needed more time to spread in his system, but eventually all the pain and anger vanished behind a cloud of pleasure. When he opened his eyes again the room glowed in the most beautiful colors. He could even look at his own face in the mirror again.

„Lovely day for it“, he greeted himself with a smashing smile.

His legs were still a bit wobbly when he walked back into the lounge. 

The girl in his bed…there was something about her…something important. 

Shit…why didn’t he make any notes? Or did he?

Nick searched his crumpled pieces of paper wich were filled with confusing words that were supposed to become lyrics someday. He could hardly read them because a big metal plate on the table was glowing in the sunshine and blinding him. He was about to throw the weird thing out of the window when he suddenly remembered something. 

The medal! Simon Says! 

He wanted it, but why? To pay his bills? No, who would take this as payment? 

Shit. Maybe he’d remember when he passed by the church again.

So Nick took the shiny medal and left his suite, wondering about what could’ve been his plan yesterday…if it had been yesterday. 

How did he even walk all the way to the church without being spotted by half the town? The moment he stepped out of the Avalon he was free to be assaulted. He was lucky that it was still early in the morning and not many people were already out there.

Nick sneaked along the side roads or hid behind newspapers, knowing how ridiculous he looked. He wouldn’t do that again soon. 

It was unavoidable that a constable caught him creeping around.

„Holy moly, Nick Lightbearer in person, in the middle of the street, unguarded!“, he shouted out before Nick could stop him.

„For heaven’s sake Constable, you wanna drum up the whole town?“

The bobby silenced and eyed him suspiciously.

„What are you doing out here anyway? It’s not save to leave your house without your personal guard“, he asked lifting an eyebrow.

„You know…just…taking a walk…it’s a wonderful morning“, Nick answered and faked a smile. He didn’t fool the bobby.

„You seem to be a bit nervous, Mr. Lightbearer. Did you take your Joy?“

Nick tensed. One pill probably wasn’t enough in his condition. Still, he decided to do something he usually never did. He pretended that everything was alright and thereby refused to pop another Joy. How was he supposed to remember the last day after all, if he took more? Could’ve stayed in bed just as well. But of course he looked even more suspicious now.

„Are you sure? I know better, but some people could mistake you for a downer“, the Constable said half jokingly and half warningly.

Nick affected a laugh.

„A downer, me! Ridiculous!“ He was serious about this. He didn’t want to be a downer at all. The word alone felt like a whiplash. But this time something was different.

„Downer…downer…“, he muttered to himself, as if the word wanted to tell him something.

„Are you alright Mr. Lightbearer?“, the bobby sounded concerned.

Suddenly Nick jumped up.

„Yeah, that’s it!“

The downer he met yesterday in the tunnels! He wanted the medal!

Excited about his discovery he stared into the eyes of the bobby until he realized what he was doing.

„I mean..uh…I better pop another Joy. You can never have to much Joy, right? Lovely day for it!“

He abandoned the confused constable to go for the next mood booth and get another pill. Now he was certain that he won’t forget again. This day became better and better. 

Now he also remembered how he had walked to the church without being seen. Some time later he entered the underground tunnels, thinking that this was actually not a bad place to hide. Sure, it was a bit dirty and not very homey but he could do something about that. This downer was quiet smart. What was his name again? Albert? Andrew? It was something with „A“ at least. 

Nick kept entertaining himself with his dizzy thoughts until he came to the spot where he wanted to meet the downer again.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Pairing: Arthur Hastings/Nick Lightbearer

Rating: M

Link: 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/54638161

Chapter 3:

Nick stood there for a while, being all alone. He admitted to himself that he was probably a bit late. After a while he wasn’t even sure if it was the same place he saw yesterday. In hindsight all these tunnels looked the same. He cleared his throat.

„Uh…you there?“, his doubtful voice faded into the darkness. If only he remembered the name! 

„Downer?“, he went on carefully, since he didn’t want anyone else to hear him say the word. „I got your…well…the medal.“ Still, there was nothing to hear than his own footsteps that echoed in the tunnel. „Little downer?“

„It’s Arthur Hastings,“ a voice suddenly came up behind him. Startled, Nick dashed around to see the other man who was in fact the downer he met.

„Oh, there you are…I don’t remember you were so tall…“, he stuttered, looking up to Arthur, who eyed him back with a mixture of mistrust and surprise.

„Anyway…I reckon you want this?“, Nick asked, presenting the medal like a trophy. Well, in a narrow sense it even was. 

„You really have it!“, Arthur said in surprise.

„Huh…you thought I won’t make it?“ Nick sounded a bit offended.

„No, I mean,“ Arthur backtracked,“…you might’ve forgotten by now.“

Nick sighted deeply, looking at the bright shiny medal in his hands.

„You know, I almost did…“. It was a confession that sounded rather unhappy, even after two pills.

„But you remembered, so it’s alright,“ the other man said in a quite comforting tone. He made Nick wonder if the downer tried to cheer up the Wellie right now.

„You remember everything, do you?“, Nick said quietly and eyed the other man with a sense of curiosity that Arthur didn’t like. It was like he wasn’t a human being anymore but some exotic animal you would see in a zoo.

„Not everything, but I’m getting there,“ he answered sincerely.

Nick gave a laugh as if Arthur had made a joke. „Oh man, I don’t even recall last night to be honest.“

„But you do remember that you almost electrocuted yourself in the bathtub yesterday?“

„Oh…I guess I did that…“. Nick scratched the back of his head in confusion. „You wanna say you saved my life?“

„I kinda I did…and then I put you in danger again I guess…“. Arthur looked embarrassed now and for once Nick knew what he was talking about.

„So…all of this really happened?“, he blurted out, sounding more excited than angry or upset, but Arthur didn’t trust him yet. He didn’t want to rely on someone’s foggy mind too much, and on emotions that got distorted by massive drug abuse.

„Yes…I guess I put you in a mess there…“, he apologized again, watching Nick’s reaction, who just wiped his forehead as if his memories tired him out.

„That was insane! Do you always do…things like that?“

„Uh…I climb and run a lot, if that’s what you mean…“

„Insane…“, Nick muttered to himself and Arthur couldn’t fight back the image of getting attacked any second now. Every Wellie lost it at some point when they met someone who refused to take his Joy. It must’ve been something the substance caused to their brains.

„Listen, I’m sorry for all this mess. If you could just give me the medal, I’ll bugger off…“

„No…,no,“ Nick stuttered and raised his hands, causing Arthur to freeze and raising his fists, ready to fight.

„…it wasn’t that bad….in hindsight it was really fun…“, Nick went on.

„Of course. What isn’t,“ Arthur blurted out.

Nick laughed at that before he paused and contemplated.

„Wait…you mean this sarcastic, right? Because you’re a downer and that…“

Arthur grimaced. „Please, just call me Arthur.“

„Oh…right. Sorry, Arthur. And there you go.“ Nick finally handed him the medal as if it was a completely normal thing to do in Wellington Wells. When he realized this, his feelings suddenly clashed. What the hell was he doing here after all? Instead of doing what Uncle Jack kept telling him every day he was chatting with the enemy. He even helped him to disguise himself and stole someone’s property for him. 

He should really chase the downer away, but he simply didn’t feel like it. Nick had thought for a long time now that Joy didn’t work for him the same way it did in the old days. Maybe because it had to compete with Reds and Yellows and Purples and whatnot. 

„Thank you, Mr. Lightbearer…,“ Arthur began, but Nick interrupted him.

„C’mon, call me Nick. All my fans do that.“

„Okay, Nick,“ Arthur agreed, still feeling a bit uneasy in this weird situation. „Uh…I got some business to attend, so I uh…be on my way.“ 

„Sure,“ Nick said, asking himself what kind of a business that could be. 

„You know where you find me“, he shouted after him and then he was alone again.

Some time later, Nick was back in his hotel suite, where the bed was empty now. There only was a note from his manager Virgil, who had probably shooed away the bird.

„Nick love,

I’m glad you left the house for once, I was really worried and you didn’t seem to read my notes anymore. I heard you even showed up in the church of Simon Says and finally made some pleasant news. That’s smashing! 

But now your house looks like a tornado crashed through because your alarm was turned off. Please, try not to be completely stoned when you leave, or at least tell the Constable. He’s there for a reason. 

Also, I know you need your pick-ups but did you have to use up your entire stock of Reds and Yellows with her? I told you there’s a shortness in supplies, these things don’t grow on trees. Plus, I have now more complains about noise disturbance and vandalism on my desk and still have to handle the previous ones. 

I guess you don’t remember, but you told me you’ll write new songs, just before you locked yourself up in your house two weeks ago. If you managed to get something on tape, send it to me. Those bills don’t pay themselves.

PS I got another one of these. I accept your privacy but if someone is trying to blackmail you, you’ll tell me, will you?

You do read my notes, do you?

Virgil

Nick sighted and screwed the paper. He had no idea if he recorded something or not. These last two weeks had been a disaster. His stomach turned when he thought about how they would’ve ended if this curious encounter with Arthur didn’t happen. 

He took the black envelope that lied next to Virgil’s note and pondered if he should even open it. Virgil wasn’t the only one he had promised something. Virgil was used to disappointments but this one… But he couldn’t just cancel their agreement. You don’t say ‚no‘ to the Parade. So he had no choice but to read the note and endure it all.

Taking it out he was surprised that it was so short.

Dear Nick,

meet me at the rooftop at midnight.

James

Nick turned the page around in surprise, but there was nothing written on the verso. He didn’t even know what day he meant, so he could just go outside at midnight and see.

Great.

And what awaited him he could only guess.

At midnight, Nick stepped out into the cold, shivering and wrapping his arms around him. He looked out for him while he avoided the bolts of lightning that flashed around him. It wasn’t quite a comfortable place for a meeting. It smelled like burned something and Nick tried to not inhale too much of it. He could see that in the distance a dark figure approached him.

„Nick finally, it’s been a while!“, he heard the familiar voice greet him.

„James, I’m glad to see you. But can’t we meet somewhere more comfy?“

James came closer and Nick could see he was wearing his expensive black suit again, perfectly fitting and made of some precious fabric that had made Nick think he must be from the Parade in the first place. His mask was shimmering metallic, something Nick had never seen before. What stood out to him the most was James’ light hair that stood up in some completely self-willed fashion. Nick asked himself why anyone wanted to look like that, but then again he hadn’t been in the Parade for a long time, maybe that was simply how everyone looked there now.

James sneered at him. „We could have, if you didn’t open your house for every unannounced visitor. You didn’t expect me to simply walk into the Avalon, didn’t you?“ He tilted his head.

„Uh…of course not…but we could’ve found a room with a roof on it, right? Or even heating.“

James gave him a stern look. „You had it warm and comfy for a long time. It didn’t seem to benefit you.“

Nick made a face, thinking about the last two weeks he couldn’t even recall properly. He hadn’t stayed in touch with anyone while drowning in bad trips and nightmares, even though he had started these days with such a strong motivation.

„I’m sorry James…I really didn’t mean to fuck this up again…after everything you’ve done for me. I did what you told me, at least for the first two days I think,“ Nick stuttered his explanation and found that it sounded even worse than it did in his head. He prepared himself for a tirade, derision or 

even threats.

He was surprised when he received none of that. James remained calm and contemplated something for a while, before he spoke again.

 „Two days. Do you remember them?“

„Yes, clearly,“ Nick assured him eagerly and James gave him a look.

„Well…maybe not every single hour, I mean who does? But I know what I did!“

„Good,“ James said, sounding rather content. „It’s a good start. And now that you think clearly again, you can proceed.“

Nick now bowed his head in embarrassment. Something else came into his mind.

„Sure, I just uh…ran out of Blackberry Joy. I don’t even remember taking it all.“

James still remained calm.

„I assumed you did run out of supplies.“ He brought up a tiny black package from his inside pocket and handed it to Nick.

„Don’t beat yourself up, but be careful not to overdose this time.“

Nick took it as if it was some delicate treasure.

„Thanks mate, I promise I’ll be careful this time,“ he said, hoping he would keep his promise.

„You’ve been in the church, so I’ve heard. You made a good impression to your fans,“ James changed the subject to a rather pleasant matter.

„Yeah, it was quite fun,“ Nick admitted. „I like this game.“

„And I like it when you leave your cage from time to time. I wonder what made you do it.“

James eyed him now with curiosity, bringing Nick into another awkward situation. What could he tell a Parade Agent?

„Well…when the alarm somehow turned off I got chased out anyway…and I still had a note from my manager about Simon Says with the advise not to miss this…favorable occasion, so I rather went…“, Nick stuttered, nervously waiting for the other man’s reaction.

He seemed to be content with the explanation as well.

„I want you to remember this day, Nick. Are you still making notes?“

„Yes…some of them don’t make any sense but it’s getting better.“

„It will eventually, if you keep making them“, James encouraged him.

„I guess I can let you to your cozy Wonderland Suite now. Except there’s still something you want to tell me…“ This time Nick couldn’t make out the expression in James’ face, what was difficult to read in the first place.

„No…I’m alright,“ he said, clutching the small package of Joy.

James gave a mysterious smile.

„Good night then, Nick Lightbearer. I’ll send you a note.“

„Good night, James…“ 

Nick turned around and walked back into the stairwell that led him to the warm and light corridors he had missed very much on the cold roof. When he entered his suite he grabbed a piece of paper at first, to write the promised note. However when he put the pencil down, he stopped.

He hadn’t been able to say it out loud, he couldn’t tell James about it and he didn’t even trust the paper enough. 

The most important event yesterday wasn’t Simon Says, it was Arthur. Him and the fact that Nick helped him as well and let him go. What did it say about his condition? Did he want to know? If someone found this note by accident…There were enough rumors about him going around, he didn’t want to risk his already degraded reputation. What should he do? Uncle Jack would’ve told him to pop a Joy and forget it all.

Pondering, he looked at the package that lied on his table. It seemed to wait patiently.

But Nick didn’t want to forget, not only because James said so but also because it had been Arthur who had freed him from his daily grind, the cage, as James liked to call it, and who had made him do something helpful for once. Thinking about the medal, he wondered if the disguise worked. What if he wouldn’t recognize Arthur again when he took Joy? 

He had so many unpleasant feelings no Wellie should have. Perhaps they should just simply go away. Perhaps it was a great mistake that he didn’t want to forget Arthur and later he would see. Nick never fully understood feelings. They came and went. 

Then again, he could still destroy the note later, so why all the worries? 

Nick finally pulled himself together and started to write.