#☾. cactus in the valley.

[mconlight]

“ promise you won’t let me become one of those. promise… promise you’ll stop me before i turn. “ (was gonna go for a funny 1 but this 1 is OUCH.. regular lads ofc <3)

𝐙𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐈𝐄 𝐀𝐏𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐏𝐒𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒. (𝐏𝐓. 𝟏)

status: i love me a good zombie

"how could you ask me that?" had it been anything else— had seunggi asked for anything else at any other time— haneul would have said yes. because he always does. he always says yes to seunggi's wishes with the full knowledge that seunggi means well for him too. and while he may joke about this and that— bat his eyelashes and pout his way into getting seunggi to sway to what he wants— haneul usually gives in at the end.

but they're not in any other situation and seunggi didn't ask for anything else. he'll admit that it doesn't look good (maybe seunggi's already thinking of his final wishes— it looks that bad), but it's not... it's not the end yet. it can't be.

so his tone is sharp, equal parts offended and appalled that he'd even think of something like that while they're still trying to survive. they're still trying. "you— you become one of them and that's it for you. but me? you want me to live with knowing i killed the last person i have left?" he wouldn't. he could never. and that's probably selfish of him. haneul quickly wipes at his eyes, watery, and tosses more snacks into his backpack. (it doesn't look good, but they're trying.) "no. i won't do it." he shoves the backpack into seunggi's hands. "just don't get killed if that's what you want. i won't do it."

[mconlight]

“ don’t pretend like you understand. “ (regular lads perhaps!)

emotionally intense prompts.

status: accepting!

haneul started this, technically. he had his heart in the right place— coming over with a little dinner for the two of them and a small bouquet of snapdragons that he'd very heavily lectured in the car ride there (seunggi-hyungie needs strength, so give him all of yours, okay?). and while haneul is hyperaware of the ways he lacks sometimes, he'd never really felt that he did with seunggi, until now.

it's just that haneul's never been very good at knowing what to say— at speaking at all. sharing things, learning about people, letting others learn about him— he's never figured out the right ways to string his words together and turn it into something people wanted to hear. he'd meant to comfort seunggi. he wanted to learn about what was bothering him lately and he probably pressed a little too hard or misspoke or— maybe coming over wasn't the best idea. he'd tried, though. and maybe that wasn't a good idea either.

his first instinct is just to nod, eyes drifting down to the containers he brought over with the silly thought that maybe they'd help seunggi too, if only just a little bit. the flowers are wilting and haneul wishes he could join them. should he apologize? would seunggi receive that well? should he try to explain that he only meant well— he only wanted to learn about his friend? would he only continue to mess up if he tried?

"you're right," he says in the end. he picks his chin up like his dad trained him to— keep these conflicts short. just in case. he frowns at that thought. he didn't think he'd have to do anything with seunggi just in case. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to upset you." one by one, the containers are unpacked, and haneul silently curses at them one by one for thinking that this would help. "would you like me to put these away before i go?"

[mconlight]

" the old heads do it right, you young bucks don't know. " ( for the normies :] )

lines from 2021 that made me lose my mind

status: accepting~

haneul loves seunngi. seunggi is a very lovely friend who lends his ear and his wallet whenever haneul's stomach needs. haneul loves seunggi. but that does not negate the fact that he would sell a kidney to get seunggi to shut up just a tiny little bit right now.

"hyung, my entire ass is out."

the evening started out really fine! a wine bar opened up near that one really good tteokbokki stand by the park so haneul figured they'd cross a few things off their list— nothing pairs better with finely curated wines than spicy sauce and the merry go round that makes him dizzy if he goes too fast! and the wine was nice! the tteokbokki was delicious! the merry go round—

the merry go round ripped his pants clean down the back with a loose screw, and, yeah, his entire ass is definitely out. and he might be wrong, but seunggi might be tipsy on their wine bar journey through the vineyards of italy and france. but to be fair, haneul might be too.

"hyung. hyung, please. hyung, my old, old, old hyung. please use your dinosaur wisdom to save my butt. for the children, hyung. for the children."

[mconlight]

📱(for the regular shmegular lads !! :] )

RELATIONSHIP BUILDING

status: accepting!

Send📱for a voicemail my muse left yours.

"hyung? hyung, can you pick me up? i'm at-- i was--- i was at a wedding for the bride--- like i d-did her makeup 'n stuff an-and his ex came to the wedding and sh-she said i ruined her spe-special day and i got a fl-flat tire and i thought she l-looked really pretty before she t-threw cake everywhere s-so can you just call me back when y-you can please?"

[mconlight]

❛ we can order pizza, watch a movie, whatever you want. ❜ (for hannie day ^___^)

&. 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

status: accepting!

haneul, just this once, decides to avoid saying the obvious--- that they do whatever haneul wants just about every other day if haneul gives seunggi a little pouty pout and bats his lashes. and this is only because he is a man with a plan! the problem with haneul's birthdays is that they're just not the same, and he's not sure if that's because, you know, or if it just comes with the territory of growing up. either way, he's had enough of sitting and being sad and wondering if someone will someday love him enough to want to celebrate him--- wondering if his brother would have thrown him a party or something, or if he'd even like parties as an adult.

so no more! he's determined as he drags his makeup kit out and picks out every single glittery product he owns, lines them up in a neat line for later use. "i've been thinking, hyungie." a very dangerous sentiment to begin with. "now that i'm an adult who spends a lot of time being an adult, i think it's time i--- like--- not do that." this would've been much nicer with a powerpoint presentation, haneul thinks. next year. "i wanna-- i wanna get a drink and shake my ass and kiss everyone. and as hyung, you're on hyungie duty and have to pull me to a toilet when i look like i'm gonna puke." that's it. that's the plan. and haneul thinks it's amazing.

with finality and all the confidence his finger can carry, he points at seunggi: "get slutty."

[mconlight]

“  you don’t deserve the bad things that happen to you.  you never did.  ”

PROMPTS   FOR   THE   HEAVY   HEARTED

status: accepting~

"don't."

haneul snaps in a way he doesn't wholly mean, but his mouth worked a lot faster than his brain. because he didn't mean to mention his brother with seunggi today and he didn't mean to insinuate he missed him and he didn't mean to reveal any kind of discord he's been feeling for weeks now. he's been simmering, it seems--- stewing on all this rage and misguided emotion and he thought hanging out with someone might help it. but now seunggi's poked the floodgates open and haneul grits his teeth, tosses the carrot he'd been peeling into a bowl to be sliced later.

"i may not have deserved it but it happened," he says after a deep sigh. "he didn't deserve to die but he did. i'm alive and he's not and whether or not either of us deserved it, that's how it is. it doesn't change shit." another deep sigh as haneul rubs his eyes with his sleeves before they can water, and a final one when he spots the makeup smeared on the cloth as he pulls away.

"please don't say stupid shit. not today."

[mconlight]

“  no one ever helped me when i needed it.  so,  i just.  try to do my best to keep others from feeling that kind of loneliness.  ” (this is so emo but 🥹)

PROMPTS   FOR   THE   HEAVY   HEARTED

status: accepting~

                this was haneul’s idea, but only kind of. he brought the marshmallows over--- stuffed bars of chocolate and graham crackers into his backpack and shoved two ridiculously large stuffed animals under his armpits and knocked on seunggi’s door with a couple headbutts and an annoying demand to be let in. the smell of warm sugar filling his living room and the slowly building stomach ache was haneul’s idea, yeah. but he only came because he was worried.

                so the (six?) almost-fires haneul’s started is totally seunggi’s fault too!

                and he hums, hearing seunggi’s confession. his wrist twists slowly, rotating the marshmallow over one of the few candles he’s lit for indoor s’mores. he’s quite dedicated to this little marshmallow, and he’s pretty sure seunggi’s going to kick him out if the fire alarm goes off again. so he stares at it, attentive. careful. “i understand that,” he says, “but not really.”

                he gets the loneliness-- remembers all the therapists who tried to crack into his world when his brother died, all the silent family dinners, and how he cried in his car the other day because he remembered how it just wasn’t fair. none of it was fair. but he wonders what it would be like if he were brave like seunggi is, to reach out to other people too. he wonders how he’d be if he were strong enough to let people in again like that, and to care enough to help them too. haneul’s not bad, but he’s not quite seunggi either. and haneul wants to tell him that, but the words get jumbled like marbles in his mouth because he was never good at letting people in like that.

                “i hope i can heal enough to be like that too,” he says instead. seunggi knows what he’s healing from anyway. saying it aloud only makes it feel more real. haneul pulls his marshmallow from the tiny candle flame. it’s only partially roasted at best-- one side still pristine white-- but he’d rather not upset seunggi more by setting his place on fire. “my brother’s kinda like that.” was. “maybe you were a big brother in your past life. or a--- a seahorse. do you carry all your babies in your pouch until they’re old enough for the real world too?”

[mconlight]

❝  i know i can’t protect you from everything,  but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control.  ❞

IT’S  ALL  ABOUT  THE  YEARNING

status: accepting!

haneul’s been in this situation a few times before, and it’s honestly his fault. he saw the weather forecast— saw the little thundercloud icon and knew exactly what it meant— but the idea of showing seunggi some of his work at a fashion show was really exciting to him. and it is really exciting, even if they had to leave mid-show because haneul was a puddle of tears.

seunggi insisted that haneul stay in his sight for as long as the storm continued, and honestly, haneul’s not about to complain about the distraction from the thunder. and that’s how they ended up here: wrapped up in blankets on his couch, pretending neither of the notice the way haneul’s body flinches with each clash of thunder. it’s always been the noise, haneul thinks. something so loud is never good. “i wish you’d think of me as strong too,” he admits— which is a stupid confession for a boy wiping his tears with the back of his hands when he thinks seunggi isn’t looking. “i wish you didn’t see me as someone who needed protecting.” he should be happy, shouldn’t he? happy seunggi cares enough about him to want to keep him from the big bads? he may be, if he thinks about it long enough. it’s just— what’s he to do when seunggi goes away too? with a gentle shake of his head, haneul wills the thought away. and he smiles. “can you yell at the storm to go away? that’d be a nice start.”

[mconlight]

five times shared:  ( five times the receiver shared something (either a material or feelings or secrets!) with the sender ). [ ^__^ ]

’ 𝙵𝙸𝚅𝙴 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴𝚂 ’ 𝙳𝚁𝙰𝙱𝙱𝙻𝙴 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂.

haneul loves winter for a few reasons: he can have as much hot chocolate as he wants without anyone giving it another thought, fluffy socks, and the cold. his childhood therapist once told him that the way he liked to wrap himself up in layers of sweaters and blankets was likely correlated with how he constantly sought to feel safe, but haneul likes to think that he only likes feeling cozy, even if he feels like all the bad things can't touch him when he's in so many layers.

his plan for today with seunggi was simple-- just a little walk to see the holiday lights and shop displays with a warm hot chocolate and then maybe they'd watch a movie back at his place and bake cookies while haneul gave him a ghost update (his dryer has been making odd noises lately. a job for maintenance or ghost hunters?). and even though the sky is sprinkling little snowflakes onto his eyelashes and cheeks, haneul feels right at home. safe.

"heh, look at the honker on that rei--" haneul pauses, halfway between pointing out a funny little reindeer and taking in the slight little shivers taking over seunggi's body. they've been put here for a while, sure, but it wasn't that cold out (though its. hard for him to tell with his three sweaters and two pairs of mittens). still he frowns, giving soft tsk tsk tsks as he hands his hot chocolate over for seunggi to hold before peeling off his outermost mittens.

"you could've told me you were cold," he chastises. they trade; haneul takes his hot chocolate back while he hands over his mittens. "finding the worst santa isn't as fun if one of us is frozen stiff."

he smiles. "wanna go inside now, old man?"

two.

haneul's in love. he's only just met the man at the coffee bar but! he did say haneul's hair looked nice and that he has a cute smile and that's enough to have him squealing all the way back to seunggi-- spilled drinks in his hands be damned. he sees the question in seunggi's eyes before he can say it (he's been around him long enough to know that squint-- he knows that that little wrinkle between his eyebrows mean), and just--

"i'm in love!" he blurts, slapping his hands over his mouth before adding, much softer: "i'm in love." he knows he's not-- not actually. but it's just nice, being seen. "the guy at the coffee bar. don't look!"

seunggi totally looks.

"i said don't look!"

three.

two weeks ago, haneul's dad called to tell him there were some complications with the family business. last week, his apartment was broken into. he doesn't know who's responsible for that one, but it's been enough for him to avoid his place all together. he could check into a hotel or head to his parents' home until he finds another place to stay, but neither option is ideal-- either too many people are watching him, or not enough. so he's been sleeping in his car the past couple days, only stopping by his studio to wash up and work. it sucks, not having a safe space, but he does what he has to. it's about survival right now.

which is why he decides to give seunggi a call a couple hours before they're supposed to hang out.

"hey," he greets when he picks up. "i uh-- i'm going to have to cash in on a rain check for us today. things... i'm kinda caught up in something right now. i dunno when its going to clear up."

he hears an: "are you okay?" through the receiver and he almost says yes out of instinct. but his hands tremble as they fiddle with his steering wheel and his breath comes out shaky, uncertain.

"no," he says finally, voice wobbling with tears that threaten to spill. "i can't talk about it, though. for you. i can't talk about it for you." it's about survival, haneul decides: his and seunggi's.

four.

✉ → ["no" hyungie]: u wake up after a long night of clubbin with me and u find me like this on ur couch wyd

✉ → ["no" hyungie]: link

five.

it's hard to say when it started this time. haneul remembers finishing a photoshoot gig, packing up, and heading home. some time after that, things got blurry. it just happens sometimes, when haneul works too hard and for too long and forgets to take care of himself. time just blurs together, and haneul find himself lost in brain fog.

it's probably been at least a week, if his headache is anything to go by. the pain sits behind his eyes and seeps into the back of his skull, and he definitely needs a glass of water. but he sits on his balcony anyway, curled up on a chair and staring at the night sky as if he's afraid it'll go away if he were to leave. he hears his front door open and a careful, "haneul?" echo out through his apartment and--

shit, he forgot to text seunggi back, didn't he? how long has it been? twisting in his chair, he answers with a soft, "out here."

seunggi says something about haneul being dead and being a jerk, but haneul just nods along. he deserves it, absolutely, he just can't focus enough to care. maybe he needs a snack too. "sorry seunggi," he says anyway, offering a small smile as consolation. "i think i got lost."

"my brother ate kale on the day he died." haneul laughs because he can't help it, and it sounds empty even to him. "he died and his last meal was kale. it wasn't-- it wasn't cake or steak or ice cream--- it was kale. he ate kale before he died. he didn't even know, and he ate kale."

he's been thinking about this for a while, if seunggi hadn't noticed yet. he's been thinking about how his brother's last meal was kale, how the last words haneul said to him was do you wanna see the worm i caught?, how haneul can't tell him about the cool jobs he's been doing lately and how excited he is to be working in the industry he is. maybe that's how he got in his fog to begin with. it always starts like this.

"i fucking hate kale."

[mconlight]

❛ is that my shirt? ❜

&. 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

status: accepting!

haneul didn't steal this shirt. he's not entirely sure how it ended up in his place (although he's pretty sure the ghosts have something to do with it--- or how often the pair of them swap sleeping spots after their stupid adventures), but he's sure he didn't steal it! he's even more sure that the shirt definitely isn't his, though, so the embarrassed, i've been caught red-handed blush that creeps up the back of his neck is almost instant. haneul's eyes look down at the shirt, and back at seunggi, and back to the shirt again. and he smiles. it's sugar-sweet and hopeful and filled with please don't be mad. "our shirt."

[mconlight]

❝  hey— get your hands off my plate.  i made you your own.  ❞ (i hope this is okay ! ^__^)

misc. memes

status: accepting!!

"but--" haneul stares, wide-eyed and desperate, hand frozen in the air as he's been caught. yeah, he has his own plate, but seunggi's is right there too! it's just sitting there and taunting haneul! not yours, it sings at him, tempting him, but i could be. so haneul does what any self-respecting man does: pouts. whines. "it tastes better when it's yours." which is true! free food tastes the best. free food that comes from someone else's plate is s-tier. and even though haneul is the one who suggested they get together like this, long hours of staring at a computer screen and color correcting eyeshadows really brings out the desperation in his stomach. "just a little bite?"