#➵ don't need a calm in a storm

[lieshot]

@berylcluster asked: “  you think i don’t notice but i do.  i can tell something’s wrong.  ”        ↳ emotionally stunted idiots

It was different living with someone else, staying with his brother while he still got his head right. There were fewer places to hide, fewer places to find SOLITUDE. So when the nightmares came and he woke up screaming, when Clint came up too quick without him noticing and his instinct was to grab a knife—— well it was a hell of a lot harder to HIDE it all away. There was only so much he could bury down until it came bubbling to the surface. It was a calm wave that could turn into a tsunami at any given moment and OVERWHELM the man. Close quarters meant everything, both little and small would get NOTICED.

It was just a matter of when the questions would come up. Barney wasn't stupid enough to think he held it in pretty well; he simply couldn't. But there was still the SILENCE that would come between them when it reared its ugly head. The unspoken questions that lingered in the air. The tension in the air before they moved on to any other topic. Anything but whatever had drawn Clint's eyes to him. It was like a game, see who would crack first but there were certain things that Barney REFUSED to delve into. Whether it be with the doctors or his own brother, there were some demons best left locked away.

Of course, they couldn't just ignore it forever. Clint was bound to bring it up first. No doubt he heard the shouts from Barney's room, noticed how jerky he was or the few times his hands had reached for a kitchen KNIFE or even to his belt expecting to find one still strapped there. It wasn't all obvious with Barney trying his best to keep such things hidden away but repetition brought attention.

Hearing Clint's words, Barney paused in what he had been working on. Some old tractor in storage that he had spotted; couldn't let it just sit around and rust forever. Wrench in hand, crouched on the ground, his whole form STIFFENED at the mention, much like a cat bristling up when spooked. The brunette remained that way for several moments before shaking his head. DENIAL was a common thing that ran in the Barton family. Block out and ignore the abuse they had both suffered, forget their past fights. Deny, deny, deny. Maybe they had gotten that tiny little detail from their dear old man, may he rot in hell.

❝  It's nothing, ❞  he said after a long silence, resuming his work. ❝  Did I have the television on too loud last night? Figured it wouldn't bother you with the whole, y'know, DEAF thing. ❞  Or, at least, that was what he often chalked it up to with the nightmares. Must have fallen asleep with the tv on again. Sorry, it was the radio. Excuses, excuses, EXCUSES. It was bad enough having doctors prod him for information constantly, the last thing he needed was his brother knowing the full details too.

Of course he knew Clint wasn't totally in the DARK. Deaf, maybe, but not blind. He'd probably gone over multiple files from SHIELD and what they had recovered from HYDRA. Hell, maybe even went to get some answers himself from other agents or the docs. The scars maiming his skin was enough of an indicator of the HELL Barney had been through with very little left unmarred and not all from their childhood.

❝  How long were you planning on letting this damn thing sit around without work anyways? ❞  Just change the topic to literally anything else like they always did.

[lieshot]

@redheadarcher asked: “Do you want some painkillers?”

❝ No. ❞ It came out harsher than he meant but he was never the type to like someone worrying about him. Clint did, Clint did all the damn time. Like when he showed up as he had, bruises and blood all over, some of it not even HIS. It was an alarming sight to say the least, Barney was certain she had seen some of the injuries when his brother had set to work patching him up, along with the numerous scars left exposed. A testament that showed this wasn't even the WORST he had endured.

A beat of silence passed, Barney just keeping the ice pressed against the particularly nasty bruise on his temple. Finally, he let out a breath before speaking a tad more gently, ❝ Don't need to treat me like an injured puppy, ya know? I'll be back up on my feet. Just need a couple days to recover is all. Uncle Barney can take plenty of hits. ❞

[lieshot]

@particlexxdealer | starter call

❝  Biggest bunch of crap. ❞ Yeah, should totally check out the book, Barney. It'll be good read, Barney. Clint had INSISTED he take a look at the book and it had only just caught his eye while picking up some crosswords. The man had only glanced through a few pages, flipping through them to give some pages a short read. It wasn't like he hadn't heard everything from his brother, he already knew all the little DETAILS. Maybe more than what was even printed in black and white in his hands. Was there even a point to even GLANCING at it after everything he had heard from Clint?

Though maybe, just maybe, he had said the words intentionally once he had caught sight of the other in his peripheral. Same face printed right on the cover in the largest picture it seemed possible. Old habits died hard and Barney was ever one to provoke a REACTION out of others, usually intentionally. Even now that he was on the 'straight and narrow' as his brother might call it.

So maybe, as he closed the book so the cover was in full view, why his next words were very clearly directed at the author himself. Of course, he didn't spare a glance, acting as though he wasn't FULLY AWARE of who he was speaking to. ❝  My brother said I simply had to read it. Think this is even worth it? ❞ 

[lieshot]

tag drop!