#⭐️

[orchestrahearts]

it’s midnight so you know what that means.

a muse rant.

here’s a thing on ivy’s compulsive issues with people pleasing, disregarding her problems, and need for independence. tw for mention of emotional neglect and narcissistic/emotional abuse.

So Ivy’s one of several of my muses who was emotionally neglected as a child. The biggest problem they struggle with is being uncomfortable with other people caring about them. Which is bad enough as it is but Ivy also had to deal with a certain amount of emotional abuse at the same time. Ivy needed to be good or it’d reflect badly on Leigh. She needed to be perfect to measure up to Leigh’s standards, which were both impossible and out of Ivy’s control. If she didn’t meet those standards, Leigh would criticize her or just completely ignore her. Her physical needs were met, but she spent a lot of time raising herself. She was brought to sets and behind the scenes at shows where she was left to her own devices or in the care of behind the scenes employees and occasional costars.

She was told that isn’t she lucky? Her mother’s a huge star. She gets to live her life in the arts and her mom is so successful, she’s even paying for a child actor tutor so she doesn’t have to go to regular school (Leigh couldn’t be bothered to take her and, what, be seen at a school? She has an image to uphold and it’s not a domestic one.) Ivy grew up being told to love these things and to a certain extent, she did. She always knew she wanted to be an artist too, a performer. She loved sitting in the audience every night and seeing a show be brought to life. She also loved meeting some of the most important people in the theatre scene and they’re so impressed at what a good, smart girl she is.

The problem was that she never received the care or validation that a growing kid is supposed to get from family. Her grandparents were never in the picture and the only things Leigh ever had to say about Ivy were critical. Instead she found her validation in other people. People telling her how nice she looked, how smart she was, how talented she must be. Leigh may not see what a perfect golden child she could be, but other people did. But she also noticed that if she slipped up, if she had anything negative to say, about her life or her mother, the response was never good. People would wonder how she’s doing and Leigh would be even more upset with her than usual while in the same breath calling her sensitive and dramatic.

She learned to filter herself. Not entirely, she has plenty of instances in her life being caught intentionally or unintentionally saying the wrong things, but there are certain topics she’s learned to just not talk about. She doesn’t explicitly discuss Leigh’s less than loving and supportive treatment, she doesn’t talk about the amount of time she was left alone, and she doesn’t talk about how sometimes she feels so so empty inside. They affect the way other people see her and she wants control over that. They might have certain opinions about her, about choices she’s made or the way she’s acted, but she’d rather have hate than pity. Why should they pity her? She has every advantage life has to offer her. She’s been given so many gifts. She’d only look shallow and selfish and ungrateful to spurn them.

[orchestrahearts]

follow up to my headcanon post about ivy going absolutely feral on social media primarily while she’s trapped in her apartment but without current events it would still happen eventually. tw for mention of emotional abuse.

Ivy is mostly very subtle addressing Leigh’s emotional abuse and narcissism. She really struggles to admit that the way Leigh treats her is abusive and isn’t really ready to deal with that reality without the help of an outside influence (I’ve mostly done plots around this subject with one friend). She knows that the way Leigh treats her isn’t right and canonically calls her out on one occasion for it but she’s not mentally equipped to call it abuse on her own or really do anything long term about it.

What people begin to notice though is that she’s liking certain kinds of posts. Even before she’s stirring up actual drama in the theatre community with social media storytime videos, she’s liking or leaving little emoji replies on comments online that are getting on the right track about some juicy gossip. So if someone says, for example, that they met Leigh and she was rude or mean, Ivy’s been known to like or comment on those posts. She starts actually speaking out more on the subject if/when she’s encouraged to do so by others. The way she likes or comments on posts and other comments that are on the right track for rumors does apply to others as well.

[orchestrahearts]

this headcanon includes the pandemic/mild 2020 stuff but only because it came from discussions during 2020. it’s really mainly about ivy’s social media presence.

Ivy’s social media for a really long time is super curated. There’s some fun tweets and videos with some behind the scenes tea about shows she’s doing and people she knows but most of the time it’s pretty pictures of herself, places she is, and events she’s attending. It gives you a look into her life but it’s not the most personal profile.

This changes during lockdown. Initially she posts content telling people to follow the guidelines, stay safe, do your part to help speed up the reopening process, stuff like that but also, she’s getting bored in her apartment. It’s small, her daughter’s in there with her all day, and the longer she’s unable to perform, the more stir crazy she gets. It’s also happens to be shortly after she came under some fire for some dumb things she said in 2013/still being with Derek after he was exposed for harassment. (At this point in time she was following the performer trend of being as apolitical as possible to appeal to everyone.)

While stuck at home, she gets a TikTok account, probably because some of her friends sent her videos from it and it was entertaining enough to get her to sign up. After watching it for a while, she starts making some videos. Nothing too wild, just some stuff like music trends. She does some dances and yes, it is cringe, but also… she's a dancer. It's good. But the more time she’s stuck with nothing to do at home, the more wild her videos get.

After the basic stuff that only a few people see, she ends up sharing a few wild stories of things that happened during shows or production. As mentioned before, she shares some of that stuff anyways but like, she usually would choose her words carefully to not stir up too much drama or be selective about what stories to share. When she starts telling stories on TikTok, she goes full unfiltered. If a video prompt reminds her of something that she thinks will be entertaining, she tells the story. She also starts talking more about her personal life, her friends, raising her daughter, things that she previously didn’t share.

Basically, she gets more comfortable being herself on the internet. After a lot of time filtering herself to put out a specific image, it feels good to just share her life, her sense of humor, her stories. She’s an old millennial who didn’t grow up with the internet and social media so she didn’t treat it the way younger people do. She didn’t use social media as a way to express herself publicly. She used it as a tool to promote herself as a performer. Which is something people do, but it often takes that more personal touch to get a follower base. Even without the pandemic, she would’ve figured this out eventually. She gets tired of having to constantly put on an act, be someone else, so eventually she just drops it and people mostly like the person they see.

[orchestrahearts]

ivy has excellent gaydar. always has. in fact, she once knew the guy her mom was dating was gay before she did. ivy was 6.

[orchestrahearts]

MUSE FLAWS

easily scared | whiny | repetitive | selfish | arrogant | easily excitable | too silly | stubborn | blank minded | overly cautious | loud | easily bored | untrustworthy | disloyal | manipulative | over sensitive | possessive | clingy | obnoxious | gullible | annoying | judgmental | tactless | merciless | unlucky | soft-hearted | sarcastic | reckless | paranoid | unsophisticated | pushy | self critical | smart-ass | solemn | erratic | antisocial | complex | dubious | egotistical | tongue-tied | temperamental | lazy | sadist | masochist | predictable

[orchestrahearts]

ivy & her eating disorder

i don’t think i’ve addressed some of these details in depth publicly on either of my blogs so here’s a more comprehensive post on it. tw for bulimia and emotional abuse.

As pointed out to me recently in canon, Ivy’s body image issues started at a very young age. She was literally 8 when, for a period of time, she basically stopped eating. Why? Because her mom regularly was telling her how fat she was. (In reality… she wasn’t. She was maybe a little above the average for her age and height, but nothing so dramatic as Leigh would put it.) The constant comments dug into Ivy deep, and she decided she’d fix it herself. So she stopped eating, and when she gave into her hunger, she’d immediately get rid of it once she was done.

Leigh is, fully, an undiagnosed clinical narcissist. Throughout Ivy’s life, she’s been regularly manipulative and emotionally abusive. She criticizes her every failure, minimizes her every success, and constantly holds herself up as the standard. She also regularly pitted Ivy against her younger brother for her attention and love. The harshness of Leigh’s criticisms always increased if she was feeling insecure or if Ivy wasn’t being respectful and reverent enough of her.

The biggest thing Leigh always had comments on was Ivy’s weight. Whether she looked fat or thin to her, she always had something to say about it and her eating habits. Ivy felt like she was always under her mother’s scrutiny. This turned her into a massive perfectionist. She couldn’t be anything less than perfect if she wanted Leigh’s approval, which she so deeply did, and never received. Her frustration at this lack of validation manifested in large amounts of insecurity and anger which carry on to this day.

Ivy’s eating disorder went unnoticed (or rather, undiagnosed) for twelve long years. She hid it well, but it was always in the back of her mind. She had terrible body dysmorphia from Leigh’s constant criticism of her size and always felt the need to be smaller. She massively reduced her calorie intake (which was terrible with her active lifestyle) and purged when she felt she had too much. She regularly suppressed her hunger with things like gum.

She only stopped these patterns when, during her run in the Broadway musical Chicago, she broke her foot during a dance routine misstep that should’ve only been at worst, a rolled ankle. When she went in to have it treated she learned her bones were getting weak, and if she continued on the path she was on, her career would end. She hadn’t been diagnosed but enough symptoms were there for them to know. She was only 20.

Ivy refused to retire from the business she loved and had only just got started in so she reluctantly went into treatment. She quit her show and spent several months getting better. She worked on healing her body, gaining back the necessary weight to become healthy but avoided the psychological care that was being offered to her. They wanted to get down to why she’d been doing this to herself for so long but Ivy didn’t want to address it. She was committed to getting better so she could get back to her life, she didn’t want to talk about the reasoning behind it. She especially didn’t want to talk about the ongoing criticism in her mind that was just echoes of things her mom would always say to her. She met young people who grew up in (physically) abusive family situations and what she had wasn’t that. Facing the reality that she grew up a victim of emotional abuse was too much for her to handle.

When she completed her inpatient treatment program she immediately broke one of the first rules set for her: no heavy exercise. Dancing on Broadway was notoriously rigorous and Ivy took on a role in a new musical Hairspray, which was doing trials out of the city. The show was dance intensive but she hoped being out of the city might relieve some of the pressure. That didn’t turn out to be the case but there were only two alternatives to not performing: getting a day job, or moving back in with her mother. Neither of these Ivy considered an option.

By the time we reach canon, over a decade later, she’s mostly recovered. She primarily eats healthy food as a way to stay away from problem behaviors, but will occasionally indulge in some junkier food. It’s a big rule of moderation. She’s also mostly learned to tune out the body critiques in her mind. She can dance eight shows a week, singing at full capacity, and barely break a sweat. It’s a wild difference from when she was 19, constantly tired and dizzy and forcing herself to make it from one scene to the next. She’s learned to appreciate her body for what it can do for her and how well it’s weathered years of harsh treatment in the arts. She struggles and almost relapses sometimes, especially when she’s stressed and particularly when her mom’s around sewing doubts in her mind, but she’s managed to stay healthy because she never wants to face the prospect of having to quit because her body can’t handle it ever again.

[orchestrahearts]

Bold what applies to your muse.

BACKGROUND

Financial: Wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

Education: Qualified / unqualified / studying

Criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no

FAMILY

Married - happily / Married - unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated

Has a child or children / has no children / wants children

Close with sibling(s) / Not close with sibling(s) / Has no siblings

Orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parents

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

Extroverted / Introverted / in between

Disorganised / Organised / in between

Close minded / Open minded  / in between

Calm / Anxious / in between

Disagreeable / Agreeable / in between

Cautious / Reckless / in between

Patient / impatient / in between

Outspoken / Reserved / in between

Leader / follower / in between

Empathetic / Unempathetic / in between

Optimistic / pessimistic / in between

Traditional / modern / in between

Hard working / lazy / in between

Cultured / un-cultured / in between / unknown

Loyal / disloyal / unknown

Faithful / unfaithful / unknown

BELIEFS:

Monotheist / polytheist / atheist  / agnostic

Belief in ghosts or spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in an afterlife:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in reincarnation:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in aliens:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

Philosophical: yes / no

Left wing / right ring / middle / doesn’t know or on the fence 

OPINIONS

pro-suicide / anti-suicide / doesn't know or on the fence

pro-euthanasia / anti-euthanasia / doesn’t know or on the fence

pro-choice / anti-abortion / doesn't know or on the fence

pro-marriage / anti-marriage / doesn’t know or on the fence

pro-death penalty / anti-death penalty  / doesn’t know or on the fence

pro-drug legislation / anti-drug legislation / doesn’t know or on the fence

pro-murder / anti-murder / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-cannibalism / anti-cannibalism / doesn’t know or on the fence

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC INCLINATION

Allosexual / Asexual

Alloromantic / Aromantic

Sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable

Romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable

Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

Potential sexual partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

Potential romantic partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

ABILITIES

Combat skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Literacy skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Artistic skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Technical skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS

Drinking alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Smoking: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Other narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Medicinal drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Indulgent food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Splurge spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

[orchestrahearts]

in the smash universe ivy did a run as jenna in waitress the musical where in our world kmcphee was in the role. i don’t see karen playing jenna… she also did the run in london. cecilia her daughter was lulu in the finale.

[orchestrahearts]

ivy was 20 when she finally got help for her ed. after years of not eating properly, she suffered some loss in bone density and broke her foot while dancing in chicago. she quit, did some impatient treatment while her foot healed, then went back to work. she wasn’t supposed to keep dancing but the alternative option was to find a day job to pay the rent or move back home with her parents in connecticut. neither of those sounded like a good option so she opted to just break the rules. she wasn’t invested in the treatment program past making sure her injury in chicago wasn’t a career ending one.

[orchestrahearts]

okay i’m probably gonna address this with eleanor too later but i’m doing ivy’s first since i was talking about it recently so it’s fresh in my mind.

below is ivy’s relationship with her bisexuality.

Ivy had an extremely awkward time while she was trying to figure out her sexuality. Especially because when she was hanging out with openly gay girls, a lot of them had a thing for her mom due to the suggestive content she’d been part of, so talking about it just got weird. She was never scared of the prospect of not being straight, but it was something she wanted to figure out for herself. Over time she came to the realization that she’s doesn’t fall on one side or the other of the spectrum, gay or straight, but somewhere in between. Bisexuality by this point was only more recently beginning to be recognized as a sexuality and was still commonly at that point viewed as a phase or experimenting. Being told this may be a factor in why she’s so subtle about it.

Ivy didn’t much care though, she was just attracted to who she was attracted to and refused to make a big deal about it. She just took it in her stride, and it helped that as an arty kid there was lots of other young queer people around her. Kind of like other aspects of her life, she didn’t want the one label to have to be her entire identity. She wasn’t ignoring it, if someone asked her her sexuality she’d tell them upfront, but she didn’t make a big deal about it either. She also avoided having any kind of official coming out conversation with her mom, but that was just because Leigh would find a way to make it about her. She did, and it was a long, embarrassing, and awkward talk. Leigh also wasn’t particularly paying attention and was convinced Ivy was a lesbian for several years, even though Ivy was actively seen with people of multiple different gender identities. Ivy gave up correcting her after the first year and let Leigh figure it out for herself.

Although Ivy herself is relatively nonchalant with her own identity, she’s very involved in the NYC queer community. Obviously one factor in that is she’s a New Yorker in the arts, so she’s surrounded by them, but it’s about how she interacts with them. When she can, she’s helped some newcomers come to terms with their sexualities and come out, making them feel comfortable being themselves. It just became a habit for her she fell into when she was an adolescent around a bunch of artsy queer kids, some of whom hadn’t come out yet. She’d reinforce the idea that whatever they were experiencing was normal and okay and they’re safe with her. She finds it very rewarding to help others struggling with something she’s so at ease about to understand and accept it.

[orchestrahearts]

okay, yet another post on Ivy the nepotism baby, but this one’s actually kind of important and not just me rambling.

ivy was educated by a series of entertainment teachers before she was ten, the kinds that handled child stars. leigh was doing films in addition to broadway, films that shot in various places around the country, so ivy was dragged along with her since she didn’t have a dad in the picture. luckily for her, she’s quite book smart and has always tended to be that way so by the time she hit actual schooling she was fine.

also, ivy’s existence was never a secret but it also wasn’t acknowledged with the fanfare of some celebrities children. leigh’s narcissism meant the attention had to remain on her so ivy wasn’t discussed in public media. ivy being around was just something that people working the productions knew about since there was this cute, well-behaved child wandering the sets or backstage trying to learn about the arts. the one thing leigh taught ivy as a child behind the scenes was to stay out of the way so she was very good and very quiet. not shy, just. a good kid that didn’t want to bother anyone but wanted to see everything.

[orchestrahearts]

here’s a catch up post for what ivy did after smash since a few of my muses need these.

Ivy did Bombshell for as long as she could but, given there’s a scene with nudity, it wasn’t for very long, a massive disappointment for people who wanted to see the Tony award winning Marilyn. Ivy didn’t address her pregnancy publicly since she’d rather keep things private, but as usual, it got around. While she couldn’t perform but still obsessed with her work, she turned her attention to the music side of things (and a little voice acting) and decided to make an album. It ended up largely being about her romantic situation.

Ivy initially tried to make things work with Derek, but their personalities were like water and oil and ultimately Ivy realized it was never going to work out and she broke things off. Also, being with him during the second wave of sexual harassment allegations wasn’t a good look for Ivy, and it stressed them both out, adding fuel to that fire. Derek, while the exact opposite of parental, I don’t think is a complete deadbeat and has some contact with their child, as well as making some payments.

Ivy had a daughter. Her name is Cecilia. At the point of this post she’s newly 9 years old. She looks like a miniature Ivy, with blonde hair and blue eyes. She has a lot of attitude and sass. (Chloë Grace Moretz is her fc.) Ivy tries to raise her well but Leigh tends to undermine her, spoiling her and giving her what she wants when Ivy says no. Cecilia has no interest in being a performer but is curious about directing.

After having Cecilia, Terry Falls from Ivy’s last show before Bombshell invited her to LA to star in a TV series, since he liked working with her so much in Liaisons. Ivy was hesitant at first but he promised her it would be nothing like their flop of a show, it was a comedy, and he had more of a handle on his medication balance. After some thought Ivy agreed. The show was short lived, but she enjoyed it while it lasted. LA was nice, and it weirdly reminded her of her early years there, but New York was still home.

At this point in time Ivy’s back in New York. She’s continuing to work on Broadway, but has been walking on some eggshells publicly in the past few years due to some slight so-called controversies. (Current events in the paragraph below. Skip to the next one if you’d like to ignore it or it’s not relevant to your canon.)

People began talking more about harassment in the entertainment industry, and Ivy’s relationship with Derek came back to haunt her. Especially since it seemed that she was by his side when he was in hot water for that very thing a few years before and Ivy at the time was silent on the subject at the time. People couldn’t decide if she was a victim or an enabler. She awkwardly but decidedly showed support for the movement, given the amount of harassment she herself dealt with over the years. She was more slow to return to Broadway after lockdown, mostly because she was concerned with bringing the virus home, Cecilia was 6 when it started. The Dobbs decision made Ivy decide not to be quiet on an issue without prompting for once and shared her own personal story regarding choice, drawing both celebration and backlash. More recently, people are talking about nepotism babies, people born in the industry, and questioning her place due to her parentage. This frustrates Ivy to no end, since Leigh never offered her help during Ivy’s many years struggling to find her perfect role. Despite this, Leigh was in the show where she found her breakout role, and some people see this as helping her.

Despite these issues above, she’s doing reasonably well. Her personal life has been a bit lacking though, since she doesn’t want to follow in her mother’s footsteps, periodically bringing someone new home. She’s mostly content with where she is though, continuing to perform. She’d like to find a new romantic partner, but she’s slow to get back into that. It’s also different now that she’s somewhat known.

[orchestrahearts]

okay but consider this.

Leigh never let having Ivy slow down her career. She canonically performed through most of her pregnancy with Ivy. Also Ivy was born in 1981 and she did literally multiple projects per year after she was born. Ivy’s existence, while acknowledged, was kept pretty low key as far as the public was concerned. As a result, Ivy didn’t actually spend much time around her mom as a small child. She spent most of her time surrounded by the cast and crew of the works she was involved in. At that point in time, being Leigh’s daughter wasn’t actually tolerable since she spent more time not paying attention to Ivy than she did criticizing her.

Leigh started paying more attention to Ivy, thus becoming more critical of her, when she was reaching her early adolescence. Moving all over the country for film projects, Ivy took a little too much advantage of the craft services and had gained some weight, which Leigh constantly commented on, planting the seeds for her body image issues. It didn’t help Ivy that Leigh was just beginning to move into more aging roles, prompting her to criticize Ivy more to deal with her own insecurities.

Leigh married Ivy’s stepdad when Ivy was 13. This is also when they moved out of the city. Leigh did work in Manhattan on and off but did less work this time around, actually spending more time with her new son. Unfortunately, that also meant she was around Ivy more which, especially when she was feeling past her prime, meant more verbal mistreatment of Ivy.

As a result, Ivy couldn’t wait to get out of the house. Not only did she not belong in the suburbs, she couldn’t just stay in a normal public school or deal with being at home with Leigh. She convinced her parents to let her move into Leigh’s apartment in the city and attend an art school if she got in. Ivy made sure of it by dropping Leigh’s name, but only after the audition so they would see her own skills first.

Leigh as Ivy’s brother got older constantly pitted the two against each other, comparing them to one another. Each one always thought the other was Leigh’s golden child. As a result, the two really hate each other.

[orchestrahearts]

let’s talk about ivy being a nepotism baby.

Ivy was born in 1981, when Leigh was dead in the middle of becoming a star. She’s not aware of who her biological father is, as Leigh made a point not to disclose that information, but it’s common hearsay that he's one of the directors or producers that Leigh was working with at the time.

Growing up, Ivy was actually quite proud that her mom was a star. She loved getting to see how the arts industry worked, how it all came together. Seeing how a show is made, then sitting in the audience opening night was magic to her. During her middle school years, living outside the city, she was mocked relentlessly since Leigh was known for her more suggestive content. For high school, she moved back to the city where she fully wore her nepotism baby status as a badge of honor, using it to get an advantage. She quickly found there was no gratification in that, the other teenagers telling her she only was where she was because of Leigh, something she hated hearing given how much Leigh discouraged her from being a performer and refused to help.

When she graduated, she decided to drop the Conroy from her name and go by Ivy Lynn, completely cutting her ties with Leigh. She still had some connections from growing up in the business, but as it turned out, they didn’t provide much help and she had to pay her dues, working her way up in the ensemble.

Ivy hated when they cast Leigh in Bombshell, not only because she had to deal with her narcissistic mother every day, but also because they announced it by billing it as a mother-daughter duo, thus negating the 12 odd years of trying to establish herself independently and, to some, making it look like the only reason for success, once again, is because of her mother.

[orchestrahearts]

speaking of my headcanon rant bullshit, here’s one i never properly wrote down about ivy. tw for emotional abuse and eating disorders.

leigh conroy has narcissistic personality disorder. she feels like a textbook case. she has a massively overinflated ego which she constantly looks for people to stroke and is always bringing ivy down to make her look better. because she’s a legendary broadway star (i write her info as having bernadette’s irl resume), most don’t question how full of herself she acts and unlike some with npd, she actually has done quite a lot in her life that make her seem admirable. this only fuels her narcissism and enables her. she’s also so charismatic and charming that people tend not to notice when she makes a mean or impolite comment, usually about ivy. it makes her very difficult to call out.

ivy’s been dealing with abusive behavior from leigh for her entire life. leigh is constantly overly critical of ivy and making her feel inferior and she tends to gaslight her when she pushes back against it, invalidating her feelings, calling her sensitive or dramatic, etc. most commonly she brags about her successes and talks down to ivy, downsizing or completely ignoring her achievements in favor of comparing something she did that was far better. because of this, ivy is constantly comparing herself to leigh and has standards for herself that she literally cannot ever reach. leigh encourages this in her because so many of the standards are something similar to what she’s actually done, or at least claims to have.

this is the primary cause of ivy’s biggest behavioral and mental health issues. her eating disorder was caused by leigh constantly criticizing her body and eating habits to the point ivy set an impossible standard for herself. even though she’s mostly recovered, eating around leigh is near impossible and she still struggles around people who aren’t her friends. she also has anger problems linked to her own insecurity which is why when she feels threatened by someone else, she lashes out with bitchy passive-aggressiveness. her anger issues were most visible in her teenage years into her early twenties when her mental health and ed was at its worst, but it comes back when she’s stressed out. her terrible behavior in the first season of smash is a prime example of those problems and the reason i write her so differently here, since she’s not actively dealing with karen, leigh, or derek so she’s mentally in a better space.

leigh in season 2 seems like an improvement, but she’s still terrible for ivy to be around. she decides to be more vulnerable with her at times, which i think is what keeps ivy coming back. she so badly wants leigh’s approval that she always lets her back in when she starts being nicer to her. to the present ivy still hasn’t been able to set boundaries or cut her off.

[orchestrahearts]

okay before i go to bed:

olive, ivy, and april all have less than healthy relationships with food but in different ways. trigger warnings for bulimia and binge eating. i’ll be putting this under a cut once it’s up.

April grew up with severe food insecurity. She wasn’t fed at home and relied entirely on the free school meal programs. When there wasn’t school, she’d dig through the trash or shoplift from grocery stores. As a teen, she’d go out with people and convince them to buy her dinner as a date. One of the reasons she’s so small is a lack of nutrition. As an adult she learned to cook when she was working in a diner to pad things out a little when the chef went on a break. Given the opportunity, she’ll hoard food for whenever she can’t afford any next so that there’s already a stockpile there. She’s basically like one of those cats where the kitten was starving so even when it’s rescued it overeats because it doesn’t know when it may go hungry again. My roommate’s was like that. Also, idk if anyone remembers, but when she agreed to meet Will in her first episode, she specifically ordered him to bring her something to eat.

Ivy meanwhile had a pretty bad eating disorder. When she was a kid, food always made her feel better when she was feeling inadequate, which was often with her mom, Leigh, around. But then Leigh started regularly commenting on Ivy’s weight so she began purging after she binged. It had the desired effect and Ivy rapidly lost the weight. Into her early to mid twenties Ivy struggled with bulimia due to her terrible self image. When it almost ended her career she finally got some treatment and she has a better handle on it now but she still hasn’t addressed its cause.

Olive has the least problematic relationship with food between these three. Like Ivy, food was something she found comfort in. She spent a lot of time growing up around her family’s cooks, watching them and getting samples while they were cooking and extra sweets when they were being made. Food was a bit of a replacement for actual affection for Olive. When she became an athlete she ate better and stayed in shape, but when she got stressed she’d binge to feel better. This habit continued long after her career ended but she has a pretty fast metabolism from being an athlete for many years. Olive learned to cook after she quit being a jockey and there wasn’t always someone to make food for her. Her favorite things to make are comfort food: Mac and cheese, pie, cookies, etc.