#「 rotinthedark

[otomates-a]

"Who's a good boy, huh? Who?" Dusty, of course. Sebastian'd been on his way to the saloon when the dog recognized his voice and hopped excitedly up on the fence to greet him. An invitation that only a monster could decline. So, the sight Alex would be greeted with upon stepping outside was Sebastian giving Dusty a gentle pet and scratch of his ears with an uncharacteristically wide smile at the returned affection. A smile that would turn sheepish once he looked up and noticed him watching. Then, a small shrug. His image couldn't be salvaged now, anyway. "He really wanted to say hi."

UNPROMPTED, @rotinthedark.

               If it weren’t for the badgering of George behind him for letting a draft into the house, he’d have probably stood in that doorway forever. He’d be the first to admit how ridiculous he looked, lips parted with his gaze fixated on the man leaning over Dusty’s dog pen in nothing short of awe. It takes every ounce of self control he has to snap himself out of it in order to finish stepping outside and closing the door behind him, but even then he doesn’t look away. He feels like he’s seeing something precious. Okay, yeah, that’s a cringy and gross way to word it, way too cliche, but he can count the number of times he’s seen Sebastian Messer look the way he does now on ... one finger, actually.

               He smiles when Sebastian notices him and turns sheepish. How could he not?

               “He likes you too,”  he replies, leaving the warmth of the statement upon for interpretation. At the very least, he seems just as happy to see him, although he doesn’t exactly have a tail to wag. Absently, he sets the gridball he was holding down on the ground as he steps forward, abandoning it momentarily to circle around Dusty’s pen and stand beside him. He leans over the structure, but doesn’t interrupt the other from giving his dog attention. They seem to be getting along just fine.  “I think he’s glad you’re paying more mind to him now-a-days. It’s pretty hard to get your attention, y’know. Really gotta work for it.”  He laughs, mildly glad the dog is there because he doesn’t want to earn any glares for that one, although he’s sure it’s obvious he’s being lighthearted.

               Finally, he reaches one hand over to pat Dusty’s head, his fingers briefly touching Sebastian’s as they overlap, but if he notices, he doesn’t show it.  “You have a nice smile. It’s  ...  cute?”  He squints his eyes as he pets his dog, not looking up as he genuinely seems to contemplate his wording. It feels weird to phrase it that way, but he doesn’t think it feels wrong, either.  “It’s nice. Seeing you look happy. I always seem to run into you when one of us is having a hard time. As much as I love fighting in the rain or coming to you with my woe-is-me-my-mom-is-dead issues,”  he briefly raises a hand to signal he’s okay and just kidding around for once,  “I think I like seeing your daily life better.”  Even the brief times he’s brought up his programming, or when Sam tells him secondhand about their nerdy LARPing adventures, or having him buy ice cream or smile at his dog  ...  not that he’d know how to word it, but it makes him happy, even seeing a glimpse of that. He looks over at Sebastian.  “You should let me see you smile more often.”  He supposes, in the end, that’s really what he’s getting at, isn’t it?

               Without warning, he rests his hand on his shoulder and gently pulls him back from the pen. It’s just enough so that he can open it up and within seconds, Dusty is running around in front of them, zooming in circles as he chases his tail. As young as the day he brought him home as a kid. He thinks it’s sweet.

               “Come on a walk with us sometime. Dusty would love the company.”  He’s sure the silent implication that he would too is hard to miss.

[otomates-a]

❣ ( for alex )

re: meme. @rotinthedark.

alex is very Easy once you reach a certain point with him ngl... 🤡 it’s over for sebastian when the other shoe drops one day KJNEMRHKJNM

✦✦✦✦✧✧✧✧✧✧ | Sexual Attraction

sebastian’s everything is really attractive, that’s not even something alex would lie about now LMAO. although he tends to surround himself with similarly preppy people, he’s very intrigued by those who are different from him, very ‘opposites attract’ even before there’s anything going on. he literally just thinks “seb in all black kinda hot tho”, but he’s still an awkward virgin who wouldn’t think too hard on sexual interactions until he’s actually dating him. passing thoughts are inevitable, though. alex voice it’s not like gay if it’s a daydream is it :flushed:

also sebastian is pretty i mean is anyone gonna fight on that.

✦✦✦✦✦✧✧✧✧✧ | Romantic Attraction

the best i can describe his current state is that he’s starting to get curious. full on romantic attraction with alex is weird because it does start building as he develops a crush, but with guys it’s like... the desire is there and the curiosity is there and he starts thinking absent things like ‘i wonder what it’d be like to date’, but he doesn’t put the pieces together until it hits him just HOW genuine his romantic feelings for a guy are. i guarantee when they finally go on one (1) simple ass date, alex was up 3 months prior staring at his ceiling flustered and wondering if it’s #platonicbrothings to want to make out with the goth dude helppp

fun lore the reason it’s so high already is because alex is the type of person to develop extremely romantic thoughts alongside just having a crush on someone. it’s not that he rushes things, it’s just that he gets so excited at the prospect of romance & it makes him so happy that he rlly just becomes super attached to said crush and it’s really embarrassing i’m sobbing... tldr seb is already on his mind in some ways and that’s going to humiliate him later KJENRMH.

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✧✧✧ | Crushing

the... gears are turning. eventually alex will discover the concept of bisexuality and realize that maybe it’s not normal for him specifically to be tripping up and flustering himself every time he tries to have a normal convo with the local tech hermit.

that being said, i’d rlly break down alex’s ‘crush’ stage on sebastian into like 4 parts: fascination being where it started, then stubborn will to suddenly be friends & prove that he’s changed and wants to close the massive gap between them. followed by extreme concern & desire to be someone seb can trust / look forward to being around & at least expect comfort from if not confiding in him, then landing on the lingering concept of wanting seb to think about him more often & realizing he’s actively going out of his way to insert himself into his life without really being aware why it’s so important to him after all these years of ignoring the guy. basically it’s literally a journey of him rediscovering someone in town he’s barely ever given the time of day to and realizing he really likes him and then realizing he really likes him, he’s scratching the surface of that process. esp with how seb has interacted with him bc seb has done... some very sweet things for him.

alex can develop crushes relatively quickly so with him it really can be classified as an ‘every interaction literally led up to this, negative or positive’ kinda thing. despite this he takes a lot of time to think on his feelings, because he desperately wants them to be taken seriously. that being said, when it hits, it sure does hit !

✦✦✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧ | Squishing

🤡 desire for strictly platonic interactions tends to rapidly decrease when one is a stupid bisexual chasing hot topic incarnate like a desperate puppy.

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✧ | Sensual Attraction

HEAR ME OUT, alex is actually a very intimate person. that’s not to say he’s super sensual with casual friends or anything (he’ll show physical affection like hugging and stuff, but u know), but how he reacts in terms of showing physical attraction is like ... something that happens way before he even realizes xyz feelings on romantic terms. hence him being more handsy with sebastian the more friendly they are. he’ll go for hugs that are a little too close, absently taking his hand or just generally touching him without really thinking about it for reasons that should be casual, but he lingers too long or things like that. alex holds back a bit in seb’s case bc he doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but if he had it his way he’d literally be clinging to him / hanging off of him the entire time they’re around each other, right down to the cliche jock arm-around-the-shoulders-while-walking-together thing kjnmKNJNHMKJNM. he gets in small touches or larger displays of affection where he can.

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦ | Aesthetic Attraction

see sexual attraction but also ! alex genuinely really likes the super ... edgy look. or what he’d consider edgy. piercings, all black, ripped up pants or just in general very goth/punk/etc styles. he doesn’t think he could pull that stuff off but he genuinely appreciates it, ESPECIALLY on sebastian. he’s not subtle about it either, he WILL point it out KJNMERHKNM thinks that riding a motorcycle and everything helps the image. paired with sebastian being really tech smart, he actually finds his aesthetic really cool. (and also #sexy)

Low ✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦ High

[otomates-a]

"It's battery-powered. Y'know, for heat." Hands are stuffed deep in his hoodie's pocket, brown eyes focused as far from Alex's face as they could comfortably manage while the other male held up the jacket he'd gotten him. It wasn't the Winter Star feast anymore, and he hadn't gotten his name anyway, but... "You obviously hate the cold, and it was on sale, so... " Jeez, this was embarrassing. Sebastian huffed, lips slightly pursed. "Just don't make a thing about it or I'll take it back." Him seeing something and thinking about Alex definitely didn't need to be outwardly acknowledged.

@rotinthedark.

               He’s sure he looks just as confused as he feels. It’s not for want of offending : he does his best to steel his expression in favor of not making him feel awkward, but if someone had woken up today and told him that Sebastian would be thrusting a gift into his hands unprompted... He stares at the jacket in his hands in wonder, spreading it out to hold it in front of his face, not unlike a curious child would.

               “Battery-powered?”  He mimics him, eyes wide as he starts to feel around the coat for whatever wires were probably buried in the fabric. It felt comfortable, just from doing that much. He has to keep his mouth from hanging open because the insinuation that he’d have ever put that much thought into a gift for him was beyond him. Less so because he thought him incapable of it -- in fact, if Sebastian is going to get someone a gift of his own volition, he’s going to assume he’s the type to put some thought into it -- and moreso because he’d never thought himself the target of that kind of ... affection? Is it considered an act of affection when it’s between two guys?? It’s not different, right?  “Even on sale, I imagine it was enough. You spent money on me?”  There’s no real teasing behind his words, with him being genuinely surprised, but there is a hint of mirth starting to seep through. By time he finally lowers the jacket to look at him, his lips have started to curl, the hint of a lopsided smile on his face.

               “You...”  he trails off for a minute, unsure if he should really test his luck, but something pushes him to, because there’s a thought burrowing in the back of his mind that he can’t really shake and it’s making him giddy.  “You were thinking of me.”  He doesn’t laugh, because he has a suspicion that would be a step too far, but his tone of voice is suddenly upbeat enough that the laughter is implied. He knows his mood had been strange lately, the time of year being what it was, so he knows equally as well how odd it might seem for some of his usual bounce to come back, but he can’t help it. Sebastian Messer, oft locked in his room working on his computer, had spent moments of his life dedicating thoughts space to him. With no incentive: the holidays were past, he didn’t owe him a gift or anything...

               He tucks the jacket on his arm for a moment, reaching out to gently clasp the other’s wrist in his own : not for the first time, but definitely in a more uplifting scenario. Without much thought, he pulls Sebastian towards him and locks his arms around his shoulders, holding him in a tight embrace from behind, so that his back is against his chest. He doesn’t expact it to hold for long, knowing that he’s unused to him being like this with how often they seemed to be on eggshells around one-another -- and even if he were, he knows this isn’t really his thing -- but for the moment, he expresses gratitude in the ways he knows how.

               “Estoy muy agradecido...”  His face his a little close, with their cheeks nearly touching : enough that he thinks it might be a little obvious his smile had gotten wider. If this were his grandparents, he’d pull them in closer and hug them properly, but he has sense enough not to push it quite that far. He does lower his head to drop his forehead on Sebastian’s shoulder for a moment, as a show of more unspoken gratitude, far too sentimental to be said aloud. Maybe it was the timing of the gift, but in all honesty, he thinks if he weren’t so good at holding himself together, he’d be a little weepy.  “I’m grateful that I’ve left a good impression on you after all these years of being a jackass. I’m trying really hard.”  It’s only half a joke as he promptly releases him, not wanting to keep him captive too long when he suspects that much may have already weirded him out.

               Despite the warming weather, he moves to throw the coat over his shoulders and pull it on, testing out the fit as he runs a hand through his hair. If he’s embarrassed, he’s extremely good at hiding it, at least for the time being. As realization continues to dawn on him, he thinks he might be getting a bit ... flustered.  “Now if you want it back you have to undress me.”  Alex clicks his tongue, humor on the statement although he inwardly regrets it immediately because if he weren’t flustered before, he sure is now. Even still, he steps back in front of him.  “What do you think? Cozy? Am I super cute?”

               He thinks his grandmother gave him cat mittens a while back and mentally makes a note to wear those next winter. Maybe it’d be good payback for embarrassing him to embarrass himself later, give him something to laugh at. He lets his arms fall to his side from showing off, his smile starting to wane a bit as he dips his head bashfully.  “Thank you, Sebastian.”  He means it, sincerely. Making him smile isn’t the easiest thing to accomplish in the spring. But he feels lighter.  “I’m gonna pick out a gift for you when you’re least expecting it, just wait. Not because I feel like I have to or anything. I just want to.”  He chuckles nervously, foot kicking at the ground. Despite his demeanor, he raises his head to look at him again, smile back in place.  “You’re a pretty sweet guy. Sweet as in, you know, good. Not... not the ‘cool’ way. I mean, that too. But I mean, like...”  He takes a moment to regain himself or else he’s going to choke on his rambling. Again. In the back of his mind, he wonders at himself, though. Why would he say that to a man, or get flustered over it?  “Aha. Alex, stop talking. Anyways, thanks.”

[otomates-a]

“ you don’t have to tell me anything, we can just sit here. ” ( alex! )

A MEME I USED TO KNOW. @rotinthedark.

               He’s not quite so tense when people approach him, even at his lowest points. He’s long past the days of unbrittled rage and bottled up trauma. So when he sees movement from the corner of his eye, he doesn’t even turn to see who it is. He just presses his lips together for a moment, fighting against the embarrassment welling up in his chest as he kicks his legs back and forth off the dock. It’s the long flash of black he sees that clues him in to who sits beside him now. If his hands holding his music box weren’t trembling, he’d smile wryly for him. How the tables had turned. But there are some days even he still has trouble managing that, try as he might. He sniffs and tries to straighten his posture, hand moving up to brush the tears built up in his eyes away with his sleeve. It’s a familiar jacket, but he’s wearing it in the wrong season than Sebastian had intended. In all honesty, he’d just wanted something to hide in when he went out.

               Aside from a halfhearted, “Hey...”  he doesn’t offer much else, although not for lack of trying. He keeps winding up the box in his lap, letting the melody play in place of the silence. The music it plays is perfect, no signs of strain in the sound despite how old its getting. A sign of how well he takes care of it, no doubt. He only plays it around this time of year, scared if he touches it any other time, he’ll wear out the only piece of her that he has left. It isn’t until Sebastian comments that he’s pulled out of his trance, failing to realize he must’ve been trying to find something to say, his lips parting but with him giving up before he could even get a word out.

               “There’s really not much to tell.”  It’s a partial lie. There’s plenty of things in his past that could lead to him sitting on the docks in tears like this. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. This time, as the music slowly fades to a stop, he doesn’t wind it up again.  “It gets harder the closer it gets to summer.”  His mother’s death coincides with his birth. Both of those dates are only a couple months away, staring him down every time he looks at a calendar lately. He’s started feeling the familiar hands of anxiety around his throat. He swallows, briefly glancing over at Sebastian. It’s a mistake. The moment he does, he feels his eyes tearing up again, but despite what one would expect from someone who often felt it unmanly of himself to cry, he does what he can to force a smile.  “Sometimes I wonder how my pa feels around this time of year. But I doubt he even knows that mom is dead.”

               It’s not as if his grieving is lonely. Evelyn and George lost their daughter  ...  no parent should ever have to bury their child. It doesn’t stop him from wishing someone who had been in their immediate household was there to connect with him, though. Or that he had a father who could hug him and tell him that his mom would’ve been proud. His composure breaks for long enough that he has to look back down at the box, try to ignore the pain he feels in his throat. He hates crying.  “I have to tell myself that she’d want me to be happy. That she wouldn’t want me out here crying over her every day. Just enough to let it out, y’know. I love my grandparents, but I wouldn’t put dealing with my mourning on top of their own on them, not when they lost their kid. I’m the only one who can hug myself, say that mom would be proud to see me still around on my birthday every year, and keep moving forward.”

               He’s aware of the implications behind that, but although Sebastian had said he didn’t need to talk about it, the fact of the matter is that he’s not as closed off about his feelings as people may think. He’d find it hard to believe that would be surprising, anyways. Not with how adament he’s been lately about staying with the other when he’s having bad days, or just sitting with him if he doesn’t want to talk. Or even just spending time together, in an attempt to mend things. He’d been like Sebastian once. It used to hurt so much more when he refused to talk about her, cry over her, than it did now just admitting that he’s sad. At least it isn’t raining.

               “It’s all I have left.”  He gently holds the music box closer in his lap, using his free arm to once again wipe his tears. His voice, surprisingly steady up until this point, finally breaks a bit when he continues,  “I don’t know what I’m going to do when it breaks one day. I’m too stupid to fix something like this.”  He laughs, obviously self depricating, before leaning closer to Sebastian.  “Sorry,”  he mumbles, before resting his temple against the man’s shoulder. He keeps his arm up to his face, in an effort to block himself.  “I’m gonna shut up now. Just... give me a second to stop looking like a doofus.”  He sniffs, but his one hand starts to steady on the music box. He hates spring. He hates the looming of summer even more. But he loves summer, too, more than anything. And he misses summer more than everything.

               “I get it, you know.”  It’s a vague statement. It’s not like they both aren’t aware of what he means. It’s not the first time they’ve acknowledged it. But he moves his hand just enough to glance up at him in this position, a softer, more genuine smile on his face. He can’t mope like this forever. He has to keep trying, for better or worse. But for now, his heart is broken. And for now, that’s okay.  “Lo que necesites, aqui estoy. I promise.”

[otomates-a]

@rotinthedark sent ,         ❝   ———   ( Powerslides in. Alex/Seb kiss. Gimme the good shit. )

               He likes watching him work, but it’s probably never for the reasons most people would think he’d like checking out his attractive nerd boyfriend keeping himself busy with mechanics he didn’t understand in the slightest nor would he even pretend to. Although, granted, that’s a welcomed part of it. He bites down on his thumb from where he stands against the garage wall, force of habit to keep himself from smiling like an idiot despite what little good it actually does him. He’s been quiet for too long, and even though he knows Sebastian likes silence, he also is fully aware he’ll think it’s weird that he’s not running his mouth after a while, since he usually talks enough for the both of them when he visits. But it’s hard to muster up the will, sometimes. He seems so happy when he’s focusing on something he actually enjoys, even when he’s frustrated. That’s why he likes watching. It lifts his spirits, seeing him in his zone, so to speak. This house always seems like it’s weighing down on him, but not when there are things distracting him...

               He presses his lips together, biting back a bit of a laugh when he notices him pause from underneath the bike : that’s his cue. He was right about him realizing the prolonged silence, so before he could get too introspective and start worrying this was another one of those days he was moping about upcoming anniversaries, he pushes off the wall and circles around until he’s standing on the opposite side of the bike. He hears the roller slide out from underneath it and, deciding that he’d risk peeving him off a little bit, decides to lean over the bike’s seat in order to look down at him.

               “Is it weird when I shut my mouth for more than ten minutes? Is that it?”  A teasing smile has his lips quirked, eyebrows raising in mockery of his own self. He thinks he catches a glimpse of Sebastian trying not to smile : can’t be sure from this position, but he’s going to tell himself that’s exactly what it was. Once he slides out further, he’s able to properly see his face, though, and he’d be lying if he said the suddenly eye contact didn’t fluster him just as immediately. His smile falters, gaze shifting to stare literally anywhere else off to the side. Never took himself for much of the embarrassed type until he pegged his interest in men. Felt like being in high school again ... he hated it, but at least Evelyn told him it was endearing whenever she and George were laughing at the two of them any time they went out and about.

               “You got something on your face, mi amado.”  Not a smooth transition, when he looks borderline pouty any time he gets shy, but it’s whatever. No one ever said he had to actually be smooth, he’s not really made for stuff like that, no matter how differently people around him may think. He pushes himself up onto the bike so that he’s laying over the side of it, his strength enough that he’s able to comfortably lean all the way down press a chaste kiss to the corner of Sebastian’s mouth.  “It’s grease, you’re covered in grease. This is tragic for me.”  His tone of voice is deadpanned enough to make it clear he’s joking, doesn’t actually care that much. He can’t hold the expressionless face for long though because it cracks into another grin, this one both amused and absolutely adoring. Sorta hard to see him properly like this, but it’s fine, he has ulterior motives anyways.

               Confident he can keep his position without hurting himself, the bike, or the man laying on the side of it, he releases his hands’ grip on the seat and instead reaches down to cup the other man’s face. Doesn’t miss a beat before pressing his lips against his, this time without teasing him. Bites his tongue against making a joke about modern Spider-Man bullshit, for the sake of not ruining the moment he’s trying to have, but it doesn’t stop him from laughing at his own stupid joke against his lips. Turns out not to be that hard to bite it down when he can bite Seb’s bottom lip instead, though.

               He doesn’t hold the position for very long, even if he wishes he could. Doesn’t want to over stay his welcome climbing all over his work like this, but before he breaks the kiss, he makes sure to press a few quick ones to his lips and face in succession before releasing him. With ease, he raises himself back up and safely drops off the bike, back on solid ground with no danger of injury to man or machine. Eh, what’s life if you don’t live a little. Won’t make a habit of it, though. Doesn’t want to push his luck.

               “Estás bueno. Makes kissing a transformer worth it.”  He tries to hide his amusement by licking his lips, nose wrinkling as he does for comedic effect.  “C’mon, don’t let me interrupt. I can keep running my mouth if you want. Not going anywhere, trust me.”

[otomates-a]

part two of CLAWING MY WAY UP THE SHIP TAG MOUNTAIN w tag updates

[otomates-a]

rotinthedark said: 🎨 ( Alex or any sdv muse!

i'm calling you out , with liquid courage i can beat all my doubt ; think i've figured you out, i've blown your cover and now i’m chasing you down ! ↪ @rotinthedark .

[otomates-a]

『 @rotinthedark​ said, 』 "There are days when I want to run away, and forget everything.” ( alex! )

               It’s funny. They’re the last two people he thinks most would expect to have anything in common : probably least of all Sebastian himself, if he really considers it. But as Alex glances up at him from where he sits, legs crossed on the ground, he can’t help the brief feeling of melancholy that washes over him, causing his brows to furrow in a show of concern. Though whether it’s for himself or his neighbor, he can’t tell. Maybe it’s both. His thoughts drift to years ago, when he used to stand on the side of city bridges and think about what it’d feel like to hit the bottom. He’d never been suicidal, not truly, not even in the depths of his pain, but it hadn’t stopped him from wondering what it’d be like not to feel suffocated anymore. Just because he didn’t want to die doesn’t mean he hadn’t wanted to escape. Back then, it’d manifested in the form of fantasies of running away with his mother, saving her from where they were. After she was gone, he’d just wanted to find meaning for himself again. The bruises from his father healed, even if some of the scars remained. At some point he had to stop running from monsters that weren’t chasing him anymore, but it’d been easier said than done.

               He hasn’t had anxiety constricting his chest the way it used to when he was with his father in what seems like forever, but still, beside him, Dusty lazily pushes himself to his paws before promptly draping himself over his lap. There’s a resulting pressure on his abdomen from the position and it almost makes him laugh. Old emotional support trick, he thinks, and he wonders if Dusty is relieved he doesn’t have to get up at three in the morning to lay on top of some poor kid having panic attacks instead of sleeping. He thinks it’s a little too bad he’s the only one sitting down ... he’s sure he’d do the same for the other man, if he’d let him. Smart boy.

               “That’s fair,”  he responds finally, one of his hands raising to rest on top of the dog’s head. If he scolded him for thinking that way, he’d be a hypocrite. There’s no way he knows everything that goes on in Sebastian’s life. From the outside looking in, he may seem like a strange person : but as egotistical as he plays himself up to be, beneath it all, he knows it must be a two-way street. No one is normal, everyone has their pain. In all honesty, he doesn’t know why he’s telling him this. Maybe he’d just been thinking aloud, but he doesn’t mind. It seems he’s the one who’s made a habit of accidentally invading this mountain spot, anyways.  “Sometimes running away is all you can do. Maybe it’s not what you should do and maybe it’s not forever, but sometimes, in the moment, maybe it’s for the best. Just for a while.”  To say otherwise would be ridiculous, not when he’d done exactly that, once he was able.  “I’ve done my fair share of running. Sometimes it was away from things. Other times it was straight for them.”

               Patting Dusty, he leans back, hands flat on the dirt path so that he doesn’t end up falling. He must look like an idiot  ——  disheveled from hiding up here playing fetch with his friend, but now he wants to sit around and pretend he has wise life advice to dish out. He’s in his twenties, sounding wise isn’t exactly in his cards, but if he has what experience he does with living, he supposes it can’t hurt to share it, every now and again.  “Forgetting wouldn’t do you any good, though,”  he mulls, turning his gaze away from Sebastian in order to look out at the world beyond this stupid hill. Big, crazy, loud, scary, wonderful. Lonely. It’s not as great as some people here think it is.  “Even painful memories are important. Whether you like who you are overall or not, those things shape pieces of you that you wouldn’t want to change. Small pieces. You may not even notice them.”  His nose scrunches in thought.  “Someone beats you up enough times, maybe you learn to start throwing punches. Or maybe you learn to stand tall in front of them so no one else has to get hit. There’s good in everything, you know? Every part of you. Why change that?”

               His way of thinking doesn’t exactly line up with most peoples’, at least not in this area. He’s an optimist, he knows that. Always looking for a silver lining, even when he’s dragging himself back from Zuzu with bloody noses and backpacking to fuck knows where trying to find himself. He briefly wonders, if given the chance to step foot out of this place, whether Sebastian would really be as depressing as he comes off. He’s never thought about it before, but maybe he feels smothered, too. Just another person locked up in a place they can’t escape, surrounded by people they don’t want to see every day. His eyes narrow at the sunset, but he doesn’t glance over at him and he doesn’t ask. It isn’t his place.

               “Look, dude, I know I sound like a greeting card, alright.”  Suddenly, he huffs and when he turns back towards him, his smile is back. He sits up straight, careful not to disturb Dusty, who he’s sure has fallen asleep, out like a light.  “My point is that, like, there’s  ...  a whole world out there. And you and I, we’re young! We have plenty of time. To explore, to heal, whatever. You don’t have to go running full speed at it, you don’t have to wipe your slate clean. Just start taking steps, right? I visit the city a lot just to have fun. You remember that, right? Fun?”  There’s a bit of a tease in there, but his eyes are shining : he’s trying to be encouraging.  “You like programming. They have super crazy tech labs in the public library now-a-days, did you know that? All this free software and stuff downloaded onto it that you can use whenever you want, ‘cuz it’s open twenty-four-seven. I have no clue what any of that tech stuff is, I just go to look at the books since it’s right by the gym, but why not try that every once in a while? You could even come with me some time if you’re scared of going to the big bad city.”  Laughing, he reaches up to brush his hair out of his face.  “You can’t run away unless you know what you’re running towards, Sebastian. ‘Cause forgetting things, it ... look, you know, it ... doesn’t really make you happy, it just kinda ... makes you lost. And I guess we aren’t really friends or anything, but ... I don’t know, the idea of you ending up like that ... it’s upsetting? You have a lot of potential. Joder, you’re leagues smarter than I’ll ever be. Don’t squander it over anything or anyone else! If you’re gonna take a leap of faith, whether it takes you where you want or screws up your life, at least do it for yourself, not 'cause something is pushing you away.”