#𝑴𝒚 𝑩𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒈𝒐 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑴𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒔! ➜ ❰ Long Post ❱

[pomsicles]

I had a bit of a reflection time during my bath...

I guess this is more for me to understand and reconcile... With myself? Me, myself, and my inner feelings.

I used to be so open and down for absolutely anything in the world — nothing and no one got in my way and my happiness was limitless. I never thought bad of anything and I always wanted to see the good in everything I do and everyone around me — and I still do.

But within these last few years... I’ve come to notice a few things. Or should I say, things have happened that my feelings can’t process correctly.

I had my heart ripped in two by someone I thought was my best friend, someone who loved and cared for me — for being who I am. He didn’t. He cheated, he ridiculed me and called me every nasty thing under the sun just for wanting to care and love him. I did everything in my power to make him happy, but nothing seemed to work.

But now I have the best man I could ever ask for, the man I dreamt of and met when I was just a little girl and my heart feels so complete. He’s everything to me and I want to cherish him with all of my heart and being.

I don’t need to keep thinking of that negativity that occurred years ago... It put me in a dark place and I’m no longer there in terms of that.

Second.

All of my IRL friends have up and gone, doing their own thing. It seems they want nothing to do with me, and I feel... Content with that. At first, it upset me, my IRL best friend left me for dead when she went to University, hanging out with someone who cheated with her boyfriend and who cheated on theirs, too. They still hang out to this day and you know what? More power to em’.

I DON’T need them. Nor do I want them.

I’m learning that I have people on the internet, and in my own house ( & my boyfriend ) that enjoy my company. That’s all I need to think about.

I need to stop thinking that people think of me for how I look, or how I act. I’m fed up of putting on a facade that’s so fucking fake, cause it isn’t me. If people accept me for who I am, who I REALLY am? Then I’m happy. I can’t complain at that.

My mind is so hung up on what others think of me, say about me, feel about me — if I’M content with how I am, then that’s all that should matter, right? I think typing this out to myself, thinking about it properly really helps me understand that I CAN talk to people, people DO want me around and not just for my poopy portrayal or writing or for my icons.

For ME.

For POM.

Nothing else, nothing more. ♥