#𝒊. alan wake.

[forebodes]

what he says: i should really take a nap

what he means:  the saddest thing to me is that alan has never been fully satisfied with his life.  he was unhappy as a child because he was lonely, never knew his father and spent most of his time daydreaming.  he was miserable writing for a tv drama because he wanted to publish novels.  when he finally got the chance, his quick rise to fame became more of a detriment and stressor than something to enjoy.  the only thing in his life that brought him any joy was alice, and even then, he wasn't truly happy because he felt like he didn't deserve her.

[forebodes]

ㅤalan often wonders, not about which parts of himself he left behind in the lake, but what he managed to salvage.  what little scraps of his old self he managed to bring back.  hero or villain?  good or evil?  light or dark?  it’s all become so jumbled in his head as of late, the remnants of the late dr. hartman’s claws still digging painfully into his shoulders, coaxing words still whispered into his ear. 

ㅤthere are times when he feels like the darkness’ influence has become less of a lingering touch and more of a gripping vise with each moment of self - doubt he allows himself, like it’s waiting to grow exponentially every time he shuts his eyes, ready to seep through his teeth at every smile.

ㅤaching fingers, caked with dirt and blood, unfold and grip the papers as he stares at the printed words with an intensity comparable only to seeking answers from biblical text.  in a way, they did serve as a guide, paving a path he’d written but had yet to traverse; every event was unfamiliar, yet unfolded exactly as he’d described.  written readiness had become his shield, his one saving grace against the darkness waiting to devour him. 

ㅤhe'd been certain that this was where the page had been leading them, but the eerie silence stretching along the desolate street didn't bode well. normally, there was a sign. where did the issue lie — within the conceptualization of his writing, or his dwindling understanding of himself?

@survivall : ' soo... back to square one. '

ㅤfrustration is evident on his features, even beyond the ever-present weariness, as he turns to jordan with a sigh. " yeah. back to square one. "