#🥸toe anon | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bunny-rambles · 2 years

Note

OMG I HAVE A BRILLIANT REQUEST, OMAY SO SCARAMOUCHE AND HIS GF MODERN AU, THERES THIS JOB WHERE ITPAYS LICK A BUNCH LOAD TO TAKE CARE OF THESE LIL KIDS AND SCARA AND THE READER WAS LIKE; “this will be so easy” AND WHEN THEY WENT TO THE JOB, IT WAS TERRIBLE. THE KIDS WERE WAYYY TO HECTIC. (omg the kids could be the other fatuis as babies OR ANYONE ELSE FROM GENSHIN) and thats where scara began hating children.

-🥸

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“Scaramouche, and the tale of Babysitting.”

notes: a gift for the lovely toe, your name came from a joke but, in all seriousness, your little messages of encouragement really motivated me. You got through finals, and I’m proud of you, so enjoy this absolute mess of a fic. It’s just as chaotic as you <3 reader is gender neutral, but other than that, enjoy your gift

Characters included: (you!) Scara,

The children: Childe(5), Bennett(4), Itto(6), Razor(4), Albedo(5), Kazuha(3), Diluc(7), Kaeya(6), ( I picked some chaotic characters and some calm ones to even things out, not everyone is included but I might do a part 2 with characters I missed if I feel motivated enough)

CW/TW: children, mentioning of babies/starting a family, cursing, minor mention of blood, but it’s mostly just crack/fluff and the babies/kids being a nightmare for reader & Scara. Fluff and general shenanigans, but I warn you, this whole story is a mess, possibly cursed, but I low-key love it.

Extra: honestly, this is just crack. I’m sorry if it’s not written the greatest but I tried my best, I hope you enjoy <3

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“... Have… Have you been stealing children?”

“Why would I want to steal a bunch of brats- OW! KNOCK IT OFF GINGER!”

The scene you just walked in on was one of absolute chaos.

You and Scaramouche had been dating for a while now, and were already sharing an apartment. Despite your boyfriend's standoffish behaviour, your private lives were actually pretty quiet. You rarely argued, you both shared chores… Apart from the lack of attention he gave to you because of his job, he was almost the perfect boyfriend.

Almost.

This was where that word was important. Sometimes you’d come home to Scara doing something for his colleagues such as pet sitting, or looking after their younger siblings. Most of the time, things went well, and it was nothing you couldn’t handle. But this…

“How many did you say you’d look after?!”

“I only said yes to two of them, and then Signora had to open her mouth and tell everyone about it- DON'T CHEW ON THAT!” He was already picking up one of the children, trying to tug a wire out of his mouth. This one in particular acted more like a puppy when they were teething instead of an infant, you noted as you watched him nibble on your partner's sleeve.

“Why didn’t you say no?”

“Why do you think?! I thought it would be easy money! Now I’m stuck here trying to tame a bunch of…feral animals!”

You finally took a real look at your shared home and couldn’t help but stare in horror. Your beautiful, pristine white walls were covered in scorch marks and scribbles, the floor stained with paint, blood and scratch marks. You even saw a hole that went through a painting that was on your wall.

“What the f-”

You were interrupted by what you could only describe as demonic laughter. Your eyes trailed over to the voice, raising an eyebrow at what you saw. You watched as a small ginger child tied Scara’s shoelaces together, and then proceeded to witness him fall hard on his ass after putting ‘puppy boy’ down.

“You aren’t really supposed to wear shoes indoors anyway…”

“Shut up!”

So, after a few moments of ‘wrangling the beasts’, your lover called it, you managed to count 8 of them in your household.

The calmer ones, Diluc and Albedo, were nothing short of little angels. You didn’t need to worry about them, even though you were sure the blonde was trying to take apart something that he was hiding in his hands. In fact, you had heard the red head put a few of the children in their place once or twice, but after the fourth time he had given up and went to do his own thing. which looked like playing chess by himself.

Then, the brats and pranksters, Itto, Kaeya and Childe. The ‘demons’ who had made it their personal mission to make your boyfriend's life for the next 12 hours a living hell. ‘The ginger one is the worst.’ Your lover told you, glaring down at the small child half his size, who was innocently grinning back at him. little shit-

You had assumed the destruction of your living room was because of them, but no. The outliers were the other three. Bennett, Razor and Kazuha. Kazuha was the youngest, so only the small scribbles of jumbled words were his doing. But poor Bennett, it seemed everything he touched just exploded or set on fire. Every single electrical device he had managed to get his hands on had gone up in flames. Your toaster, your microwave, even one of your hairdryers. You almost didn’t believe Scara when he was explaining all this, but after you had witnessed one of your light bulbs exploding after the infant had merely touched a lamp, that was enough evidence for you. And Razor… Well, it was more like looking after a puppy. His nails looked more like claws, and his teeth were like sharp little needles. So, the blood stains? That was a mix of Bennett falling over and scraping his knee, and a brawl two of the infants had. You noted the tallest kid, Itto, had a bloody nose by the time you had come home. And chunks of ginger hair were stuck in his long fingernails. You could take a wild guess as to who he was fighting…

“How long do you have to do this exactly… If it’s any longer than 24 hours we won’t have a house left.” You heard a heavy sigh next to you, your boyfriend's incoherent, angry mutterings under his breath barely heard over the screeches of children.

“Just for the night. Any longer and I’ll personally throw these… Creatures… Into their owner's faces.”

“They’re just kids, babe…”

He looked offended when you finally glanced at him. “Have you seen what they’ve done? Signora put a curse on me, these aren’t kids!”

You did have to admit that, although ‘creatures’ was a bit harsh, these were no ordinary infants.

“Maybe they’re just hungry?” Children were known to act up when they were hungry, it wasn’t that bad of a speculation. You rose from your seat and made your way to the kitchen, and unsurprisingly, a few of them toddled along behind you. You were surprised to see even the quietest, Albedo, had joined the gangle of misfits. “So you were hungry! Alright boys, what do you want? There’s plenty of options!” You had tried your best to be cheerful and positive, despite feeling rather miserable that everything in the living room was now almost completely destroyed.

“Cookies!”

“Chocolate!”

“Cake!”

“Ice cream!”

“Candy!”

You were hoping for something without sugar, as you didn’t want to deal with a hoard of screaming children high off of E numbers. But even you didn’t expect the small blonde to peak his head out from behind Itto, a hopeful look on his face.

“Please?” He asked quietly, and your heart melted. You were about to say yes, but your partner beat you to it.

“No way in hell. Don’t even think about it.”

You pulled back leaning down towards the blonde, looking at your boyfriend with a pout of your own. You knew he was right, it was a recipe for disaster, but when you had multiple pairs of puppy eyes staring up at you, it was hard to refuse.

“But…”

“Not. Happening.”

You sighed. There was no winning this. “Alright, alright… Pizza then?”

“Fine.” Grumbled the short, grouchy man as he stalked back to the wrecked living room. You waited a moment before looking down at all the sad, pouty faces staring back at you.

“How about I make some hot cocoa with marshmallows for you all instead?” That seemed to perk everyone up. Even Childe was grinning like a maniac, you might add from ear to ear, even after the defeat from the war of desserts with the not so big, bad Scaramouche. You could honestly understand why your lover was having such a hard time with them. He was stubborn and hard headed, and half of these kids were exactly the same.

It took a while, but you finally managed to make each of the children some hot chocolate and marshmallows, even the ones that hadn’t come to the kitchen. You were hoping it would put a smile on Bennett’s face, since he seemed to have been sulking in the corner after breaking an expensive ornament. Honestly, you were surprised you hadn’t run out of band aids with him around, his hands now cut up from trying to fix it himself. But yes, hot chocolate seemed to have proven to be the best medicine for his sudden mood drop. You casted a glance towards your boyfriend, who was scowling at you for finding a loophole in his ‘no sugar’ rule.

“Don’t look at me like that… I made one for you, too. Even put extra marshmallows in it…” You were trying to soften him up, flashing him a grin, but he wasn’t budging. He scoffed at you before folding his arms, turning his nose upwards. “You think I can be won over with a simple beverage? Try harder.” You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, placing yourself beside him and wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in close.

“Would kisses and cuddles make the lil man happy? Hmmm?” You cooed playfully, head resting against his shoulders while you made a kissy face at him. He barely spared you a glance and you could already tell his cold facade was starting to break.

“... No. Shut up. And stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what, hm?”

“Like that! You know what you’re doing!”

“Do I~?”

You heard an exasperated sigh come from the shorter male, but you spotted that his lips had curled up into a slight smile. Gotcha.

You were about to push your teasing just a little further, but you were interrupted by little giggles that you were sure didn’t come from your boyfriend. Your eyes trailed towards the two children that had caught on to your flirting, spotting two smug little smirks on Kaeya and Childe’s faces. Despite them being so young, they looked like they knew exactly what was going on. It was a little creepy, actually.

“Ew… Get a room, you two!” Young Kaeya teased while Childe cackled, pointing at the both of you.

“Look, Kae! The lil man’s all red!” He chortled, using the nickname you had just used.

You heard a tell-tale growl of annoyance from your partner, and you had to forcibly press down on his chest so he didn’t get up to try to fight an infant. “You’re smaller than me, dipshit. You’re lucky you’re 5. Hmph.” He looked away, arms folded.

You sighed yet again for the umpteenth time since you came home. This was going to be a long night.

—

You decided it was better to split the children up, the calmer ones going to Scara, and the ‘brats’ going to you. Itto, Kaeya, Childe and Bennett were your responsibility for the night, while Scara looked after Diluc, Albedo, Razor and Kazuha. Despite little Benny not being a brat, he had caused the most chaos out of everyone in the room, so you volunteered to take him.

You were… Fortunate. They had all taken a liking to you, mainly because you were actually nice to them. But even without them pulling pranks on you, it was a bit of a nightmare to put up with them. You found out quickly that Itto and Childe did not like each other, at all. Or maybe, Itto just didn’t like Childe. The rowdy ginger had a habit of picking fights with the taller kid, and teasing him that he’d never win. You were just certain he wanted chaos, and he was picking on the strongest, biggest kid to get it. You actually felt pretty bad for him. He seemed to like bugs, so you took him out to the small garden you had, and you couldn’t help but smile when he grabbed your hand and tugged you to the biggest beetle he could find. Unfortunately, that meant the other three went unsupervised.

Thankfully before this, Bennett had taken a nap, so you didn’t have to worry about total destruction to your house. But the other two… Well…

—

“Hey, blondie!” Childe grinned, plopping himself next to the young genius. Kaeya took the place next to him, effectively caging the younger one in. Albedo blinked, and looked up from what he was sketching, tilting his head in confusion.

“Uh… Yes?” He answered, looking between the two of them.

“We have a little prop… Proper… We have a choice for you.” Kaeya fumbled with the big word he had heard his step-father say once, but his smugness never once waned.

“Oh?” Now the infant was interested, sitting up properly from his seat.

“Yeah! We want you to help us get back at the ‘lil man’. We stole… These… From the kitchen.” The other grinned, holding up a jar of cookies. “If you help us, you can share them with us.” The two boys beamed when they saw Albedo’s big blues light up from the sight of the sugary sweets. “...But, what if Mx Y/N catches us? And how are we going to convince Diluc?”

“Diluc? Why would he be involved?” Kaeya piped up. Albedo deadpanned, pointing over the other boy's shoulder.

“Because he’s right behind you.”

The two misfits froze up, carefully turning their heads back slowly, to see the names red haired glaring down at them with an unimpressed look on his face.

“Kaeya. What have I told you about /him/?” He pointedly looked at the unruly ginger.

“That he’s a bad influence…”

“Right. So why are you going along with this?” A strangely mature stature, for such a small child.

“Because Scawa… Scawamoo… Sca… Ugh! Because ‘lil man’ is a meanie! We haven’t done anything fun all night! Not even allowed any snacks…” Childe pouted, folding his arms over his small chest. At that, all four of the kids sighed. It was true. Scaramouche just didn’t know what to do with 8 kids, and he could barely put up with the four he had now. How do you entertain 8 children? The only thing he could do was put on the tv and hoped that at least a few of them would enjoy the mindless cartoons that were cycling over and over again.

“... What were you planning?” The oldest asked. It seemed even he was onboard with whatever they were going to do.

—

“It’s getting cold… Would you like to head inside now?”

“Aw… Okay, Y/N…” Itto huffed, but he didn’t fight you. It was late, cold and the beetle he just found had run away from him. And not to mention he was nearly falling asleep standing up. You chuckled, scooping him up in your arms and carrying him inside. You glanced towards your boyfriend, who was holding Kazuha and Razor on his lap. When you looked closer however, you couldn’t help but grin. Your boyfriend was fast asleep, the two babies curled up in his chest, all three of them covered in a thick blanket. You chuckled to yourself, moving in closer and pressing a soft kiss on Scara’s head. He stirred, sighing tiredly, arms tightening around the two children protectively. Maybe one day, those children… Would be your own.

The peaceful atmosphere didn’t last long. Unbeknownst to you, the other four children were hatching their plan. A ginger haired head peaked out from behind the chair, before looking towards the other three hiding behind him.

“Ready?” He whispered, receiving nods from the rest of the group.

You glanced up when you heard a loud crash behind you, turning around quickly. “What the…” You mumbled, moving away from the chair and looking around for the noise. “Benny? Did you wake up?” You called out, hand covering the child’s ears in your arms. No response. You shrugged, turning around again, but the sight sent shivers down your spine. Both of the children were gone.

“Scara! Wake up!” You shook him hard, watching him jolt upwards.

“Fu-, I mean, what?” He slurred, half asleep but he still remembered there were still kids in the room.

“The babies are gone!”

“WHAT?!” He screeched, fully awake and in full panic mode. When he stood up, he gasped as he tripped and fell straight to the floor. He groaned loudly, sitting up slowly. “Those fucking brats…” He mumbled, noting his shoes had yet again been tied together.

“NOW!” You heard a chorus of yells. Diluc, Childe and Kaeya all ran out, dog piling on your lover after covering him in a thick blanket. You would’ve helped him, but it all happened so quickly. And now your boyfriend was effectively turned into a sushi roll. You weren’t sure where they got the rope from, but they had tied him to secure his position. You heard laughter, and the sound of two separate hands slapping together. “Yes! That worked perfectly!” One cheered, you weren’t sure which. It was only when you turned the light on that you saw the two young ones that were with your boyfriend were now with Albedo at the dining table. He gave you an innocent wave, and in your shock, you slowly waved back. And when your eyes moved back to your lover, you couldn’t help your snicker, before breaking out into hearty laughter.

“Oh my god! Your face! Bahaha!”

“Shut up! Get me out of here!”

“Not so fast.” Diluc stood in front of your restrained boyfriend, folding his arms. “We’ll only let him go if you make a deal with us.”

“And what deal?”

“We get to have whatever snacks we want and go to bed when we want!” Childe nodded confidently, followed by a chorus of ‘yeah!’s.

“And please let that include cookies.” The blonde added with a small smile on his face.

“I want some too, Y/N!” Another voice cried out. You almost forgot about the child in your arms, who was now fully awake.

—

And so, after bargaining with the ruthless bandits that kidnapped your damsel in distress, you agreed. The night was filled with sugary snacks, a bunch of games and whatever movies they desired to watch as long as it wasn’t too out there. And thankfully, it wasn’t long before all of them were rubbing their eyes and doing their best to stay awake. All 10 of you decided to sleep downstairs, and made it into a little sleepover.

Albedo fell asleep first. You were sure the little introvert couldn’t handle this much excitement in one day. Then Kazuha followed. Then Diluc, Kaeya, Itto, Razor, Benny and finally Childe. And finally, here you were, wrapped up in your boyfriend's arms. Even though the day was a mess, at least it was a fun one.

“Y/N…”

“Mhm…?”

“... We’re never having kids.”

#scara #scaramouche x reader #🥸toe anon #this is for you #Genshin scaramouche #albedo #Diluc #kaeya #Childe #itto #razor #Kazuha #Bennett #scaramouche x gn reader #scaramouche x you #Genshin x reader #Genshin x yn #Genshin x you #genshin x gn reader

219 notes · View notes