#''nobody said this wasn't going to hurt'' FRICK!!!!!!!!!

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Just caught the tail-end of Luzu’s livestream...

...and saw his reaction to the “happy memories with Quackity” video Sapo Peta left him

[protokirby]

another vent post. don't read if you don't want to see upsetting stuff

I just punched myself in the eyeball by accident and when I went to check the damage in the mirror, there's a bunch of red squiggly lines and the white of that eye turned a very desaturated dark purple sort of color. And I'm hallucinating a little from that eye but thankfully I can still see very well from it and hopefully it will heal if I keep it covered. But this made me remember a time during when I was in high school. One morning, I woke up with one of my eyes bloodshot. Not sure how it happened, but it was bad. I begged mom not to make me go to school because of the pain. Sure, it would have still been hurting if I stayed home, but school just makes everything a thousand times worse. Relentless bullying every single day for about 13 years and nobody ever did anything. Ever. Some lady said that bullying for that long is definitely harassment and also a hate crime against an autistic person that someone can get arrested over. BUT OH GUESS WHAT- the one time she caught one of em in the act of bullying, you know what she said? "Oh, he's just playing." No??? That's one of the people who made my life a living hell until I graduated. Not "playing" anything except torture. Another time, I was crying about the bullying, though completely silently because I was in one of those rooms meant for students who need to have quiet in order to focus on tests. I mean, I'm usually dead silent when I cry anyway, but you have an idea of the setting I was in at the moment. I was also trying to hide the fact that I was crying at all because I didn't want to be seen. But someone in the room noticed anyway and came up to me asking why I was crying and if I was okay and I (quietly) said that I was tired of the constant bullying. Then the man who was in charge of keeping the documentation of my autistic traits that all my teachers need to see fricking screamed at me out of nowhere "The world doesn't revolve around you!!" and I'm still so baffled by the situation that even now I'm at a loss for words just remembering it. And the fact that this guy was the person in charge of informing my teachers about my behavior explained a lot about how I was treated by most of the adults in the school. I also was required to have someone walk me between classes and help me with work when I needed help.

But let me explain what exactly the lady who was supposed to do all that actually did. (let's call her poop stain) Poop stain had no concern for personal space, got mad at me over the slightest little thing, made no effort at all to help me, was eating loud crunchy chips all the time and often sat right next to me doing it, overly rude all the time, yelled at me to quit drawing but it was for a class assignment and poop stain didn't care. Poop stain just wanted me to not draw which is one of the few things I could enjoy, (one year, poop stain walked with my sister instead and my sister has horror stories about her too including but not limited to using my sister as a slave, having her pick up poop stain's empty chip bags off the floor or wherever, marking off points for doing assignments correctly but in a way poop stain didn't like.) and I could go on about poop stain but I don't really care to. So anyway, back to the thing about being forced to go to school with a bloodshot eye. I just wrapped a scarf around my head to cushion it and didn't think anything of it. it was a small scarf and enough of my face could still be seen that it wasn't obscuring my identity at all so I figured it would be fine. And it was- until poop stain arrived on scene and told me to take it off. I did and explained about my bloodshot eye and poop stain acknowledged that my eyes indeed looked bloodshot when I made a very pained effort to show her, knowing she wouldn't take me seriously about it otherwise. Also my eye was in so much pain that there were constant tears flowing out of it despite it being closed shut. But anyway, I went to get a tissue to hold over it because the scarf wasn't allowed. I thought that was the end of it and I'd just have to have one less hand free for the day holding the tissue over my eye. Nope. Poop stain wasn't going to just sit there and let me have any kind of relief. She said that the tissue I was holding over my eye, which was already soaking wet with tears within the time I got back to my seat after just putting it on, was a head covering and I needed to take it off. Keep in mind, this is a tissue. A tissue that I'm having to hold over my then bloodshot eye to ease pain. This time I refused. I said nothing and continued doing work while holding the tissue over my eye. Or I tried to anyway. She kept yelling at me. At this point, a teacher from another room came in to see what was up with the noise. (I don't remember the reason why, but that day I was put in an empty classroom alone with poop stain.) Poop stain begins to tell this teacher about my "head covering" and "disrespectful attitude" and this teacher takes one look at me and then back at poop stain. Then she has this expression of pure dumbfoundedness at poop stain. Like this teacher had full realization that poop stain is in fact a monster. Then the teacher had me explain my side of the story, which I did. A small argument between poop stain and the visiting teacher started but the visiting teacher eventually left and nothing ended up being done about poop stain. I do not know if poop stain still works at the school, but I feel bad for anyone who has ever come into contact with her.

[cynicalemi]

My very late longass analysis about last chapter :

The translation i used here were provided by @alexc1ting ^^

/!\ DISCLAIMER/!\

I will do a lot of assumptions here so bear with me lol.

/!\ DISCLAIMER PART II /!\

A lot of people already talked about some thing i'll mention here. But i don't know who anymore x')

/!\ DISCLAIMER PART II's PART II /!\

English is not my first language, i hope what i say makes sense lol.

Here we go.

First of all, i really did not expect that. In one chapter we had : a consented backhug, Mo opening up, He Tian crying, and a tianshan kiss. Knowing how subtle OX usually keep things, i was trully dumbfounded.

Now, i'm a psychopath so i kept starring at those images the two last hours before my brain reconnected and here are some details that might stay unnoticed but that i just LOVE.

We have a zoom on HT's facial expression. And his eyes are filling up with unshead tears. I thought this was so interesting. HT has a rather choleric temperament, i think everyone noticed lol. Last time when Mo was almost hurt by the Coke She Li threw from upstairs, we had a clear demonstration. HT went BERSERK. ''From now on i'll be your lackey, if anyone bothers you, i'll beat them up''. This describes well HT's way of showing concern usually. He easily become violent to solve problems and when facing something that affects him, his primary emotion is anger. HT tearing up to me is him feeling like he can't do anything and that fricking hurts.

Mo's expression is like... Boy... The last person he expected to see in front of his house was HT. They fought the same day. Mo distanced himself from every major distraction or thought so. Usually he would get mad and tell HT to scram but that kid is exhausted. He almost died. He've been stressing about everything recently. School, job, family, harassers, future, and so on.

He asks HT why he's here. At that moment he gets flashbacks from his recent fight and start coughing like he still feels the burning metal chains strangling him.

HT hugs his waist from behind.

In this pannel we have Mo voicing what he's been thinking for a while. The fact that he's hiding his face and his global posture gives the impression he wants to disappear.

On the last image, we see HT's hand now hugging Mo's chest. Like he wants to pull him closer. We don't see his face but if you ask me, that's when he starts crying.

Later Mo tries to go again but HT clings, even if it's just his shirt, he can't do anything but he can't let go.

I almost cried when Mo said that he would solve his problems alone. That's how he has always done. Even when it obviously doesn't work he feels like he doen't have the choice. Feeling like nobody *can* help you is something that really gets to me. Mo knows his mother loves him obviously, but he also know how she overworks herself for his sake, how poor they still are eventhough she works so much, how the bills are pilling up, how she doesn't have his father anymore. And all that makes him unable to lean on her when he's hurting. Our Mo has always been a caring soul.

And now HT. He says he wants to help. HT forces him to have fun (at the end of the day he's a goddamn child supposed to have fun or fall in love at his age). But how can he have fun when it means loosing his job and becoming a burden rather than helping right ?

This. Many already mentionned that at first Mo wasn't crying before seeing HT himself cry.

''Would you believe in me/trust me''. Feels like ''would you believe in me eventhough i've always been such a failure ? Would believe i can get through this ?"

But if one doesn't have the courage to change they don't deserve to dream right ?

And well, it has already been mentionned as well but Mo seems to be leaning into HT's touch. Like his shoulders are in the same position but his face is slightly turned to HT's hand side.

There are already been a lot said about the kiss so i've nothing big to add. I really like that the wasn't on the lips. Don't get me wrong. It's the dream of all the tianshan fandom and mine as well but not like this. We are not in a romantic context. Neither of them need that right now. Mo asked if HT would believe in him ? I feel like this kiss is the answer. "I would''. ''I believe in you''. At the same time : ''I'm sorry''. ''I'm here''.