#'but she wants to buy a retirement house' HOW MANY HOUSES CAN A UNHAPPY OLD COUPLE NEED. sell your old one im not going back there anyway

[ithacanradio]

nothing quite like your parents threatening to leave you in poverty if you don't stop doing political work and just annihilate yourself into your studies

[bitchesgetriches]

Hi bitches!

I hope this finds you well 😁

I have a question/an opinion to ask and I am going to need to give context, bare with me here:

I lost my grandmother before the holidays and they were really hard. I have close-knit family and we rallied and supported each other as best as we can through her loss (e.g. taking shifts at the hospital, at the funeral) and through the holidays without her.

Now that we are into the New Year and reality is settling in a bit more - we are needing to start figuring things out

The crux of the issue is my grandmother's house.

My sister (22) and myself (27 year old female) (we both still live at home and do work full time) are facing some pressure from my aunt's and uncle's (my grandma has 4 kids. My mom is the oldest) to buy my grandmother's house. My grandmother's house was the place we all gathered at weekly. We all had keys. People would come and go as they pleased and my grandmother loved it.

I think my uncle's and aunt's are doing it somewhat from a place of kindness: we live in Cambridge Ontario Canada and the housing market was HORRIBLE the last year and a bit, and we are headed into a recession according to the news. They note that we wouldn't need a real-estate agent and they would be willing to give us a deal on the price of the house

But my aunt's and uncle's do have some benefit from this too. My uncle lives in the attached house, he wouldn't need to out up a fence in the backyard, and could continue to use most of the driveway if we moved in rather than having to share it with a neighbour. My aunt's would have less things to clean out of the house as we would be moving in and bringing very little furniture as my sister and I still live at home.

My mom who has just lost her mom is quite upset about their suggestion. We lost my grandma on Dec 18 2022 and on Jan 1 2023 my aunt's were already talking about my sister and I buying the house and having us move in. My mom just lost her mom and bawled hearing about us moving out. It is a lot of change in a short amount of time.

Plus my mom (56) has only started to get her financed together in the last year. The money from the sale of the house is a large part of her retirement fund.

My sister and I have a step father who does own an apartment building. We have been trying to save to go splits with him on a triplex so that we could live at home and rent it out to have property and eventually another stream of income. This has been our plan for like 3 years.

With my aunts talking about my sister and I buying my grandmother house, my sister fell in love with the idea. It is a house that holds so many memories and the lost of my grandma is still so new. She wants to go splits on it with me and move in as she does not want anyone else living in the house - a sentiment echoed by my aunt's and uncle's.

I feel so torn, and stressed and want to cry.

I can get on board with her idea. It would be amazing to have a house. Especially one that has so many good memories. This is an opportunity that not a lot of people get, and i do what to recoginze the pribillage in that. I am concerned about affording the house and being about to financially maintain it. The uncle's and aunt's have offered to cosign with us (and when talking about it, they never once brought up that we could cosign with my mom (which hurt her deeply as they said it right in front of her and she was never listed as an option), they volunterred) but I won't do that. It makes me uncomfortable cosigning with them, and the fact that they never brought up my mom as an option doesn't sign right with me.

Plus I am trying to switch careers unhappy at my job and my sister is thinking of going back to school

But I am also terrified of how relationships may fall apart if we don't try to buy th house

I have been full time employed for 3 years. My sister 6 months.

We would need to go in on this together (and possibly still need my mom to cosign). My sister is in love with this idea and is only seeing it with rose coloured glasses.

I am someone who tends to catastricize so I have already thought of all the ways that things could go wrong.

When my sister mentioned about going back to school for 8 months, my aunt straight up told me that I could get a part time job to told things down while she is in school. I work in L&D at a travel insurance company and am facing burn out as I have been teaching back to back classes since Nov 2021 with no break between them. I barely have the energy to do my job.

With something that was this important to so many people (it was the space that everyone gathered constantly and consistently) we have to be delicate and aware of that.

My step-dad is of the mind that financially it doesn't make sense for us to buy it and move out. That renting out the space while living at home would make more sense.

That buying the house and moving in would mean thinking with our hearts and would be a lot harder than we think both financially and with trying to establish boundaries. Mom is of the same mind.

I feel caught in the middle. It is a hell of an opportunity, but it is not what I have been working towards for the last 3 years. I van see wanting to rent the space out not sitting well with my aunts and uncle's.

I guess my question is what are your thoughts on this? Would it be a good move? Am i over thinking everything

I see so much love and pain in your question. Clearly everyone--from you and your sister to your mom to your aunts and uncles to your stepdad--are approaching this situation with a lot of love. And those approaches are generating unintentional pain. Y'all mean well! But there's no clear answer.

I think you need to take a leadership role with your family here. Tell them that unless there's an extremely compelling reason to move quickly to sell the house, you want everyone to spend some time together inside it to go through the grief process. Get used to the idea of your grandmother being gone.

Importantly, this will give everyone time to think logically through the options, without emotions getting in the way. Maybe that'll change someone's mind! But more importantly, it'll leave you and your sister in your mother's home during this painful time, where you'll be able to support her in her grief.

So in a nutshell: advocate waiting a few months before any permanent decisions are made. Don't rush your grieving processes and don't make financial decisions in a time of emotional turmoil if you can help it.

So sorry for your loss, sweet pea. I hope you have the time and space you need to heal with your family.

Season 3, Episode 2: "I Inherited Money. Should I Pay Off Debt, Invest It, or Blow It All on a Car?"

[xxlying-from-y0u]

25 Simple Things Every 20-Something Should Realize 🗣

1. Take care of yourself.

“Take care of your health. Take care of your sanity. Take care of the relationships that matter most to you. Enjoy experiences throughout life and be ready to learn. Try not to turn down interesting experiences.” — ElusivePineapple

2. You are not behind.

“Now is generally a time where you feel you should have done something by now, but at the same time have not have a chance to do anything yet.” — Monsterzz 

3. Learn your drinking limit. 

“The day I learned when to cut myself off so I could still be loose and have a good time but not yakking all over the place when I got home was the greatest day of my 20s.” — PunchBeard

4. Pursue a career that allows you to be happy.

“Find a job/career that will ALLOW you to be happy. Of course, there are jobs/careers out there that will MAKE you happy, but I assume that the majority of occupations will involve some factor that will make a person unhappy (long hours, time away from loved ones, perhaps strenuous manual labor, ect.).

However, if you can find an occupation that will allow you to focus on the things in your life that already make you happy, I say go for that. A persons happiness is everything, despite how oversimplified that may seem. Life will take a 180 degree turn when a person finds them self in a job that not only requires the entirety of their day, but requires the entirety of their mind as the workload never ends and causes a person to stress even when off work.

Pursue happiness.” — AyBake

5. Leave when you want to leave. 

“You owe your employer nothing. If you need to leave, leave. If you need your own time, don’t feel pressured to work overtime. If they push the law on what’s legal, take legal action. Try to be as friendly and helpful as possible, but take care of yourself first and don’t let that friendliness get in the way or prevent you from doing what’s right. Learn from my mistakes.” — GoabNZ

6. You need to take responsibility for yourself. 

“Generally, things won’t get better unless you make them better. At the end of the day, you need to take responsibility for yourself.

Sometimes you’ll be on the fortunate end of good luck, and sometimes you’ll be on the unfortunate end of bad luck.

Set goals. Work on them a little bit every day.

Make the life you want and don’t wait for it to be handed to you because chances are, it won’t be handed to you.” — jacobra94

7. Remember how valuable these years of your life are.

“It gets exponentially harder to have novel experiences and explore as you get older, have kids, a mortgage, stable career, etc.

So don’t waste your early-mid twenties. This means lots of different things. Travel if you can. But even if you can’t, meet new people, and go new places. Read about different ideas. Date different kinds of people. Don’t stay in relationships you’re not happy in.

Basically, this part of your life is more valuable than you think.” — TooMuchPants

8. Keep your standards high and your options open.

“You don’t have to marry the first person who pays attention to you.” — ChemicalThread

9. Stop chasing after happiness. 

“My advice: Stop searching for happiness.

I know that sounds all sorts of fucked up, but hear me out.

All the self-help books in the world keep telling you to look for happiness. You look around and all your friends seem to have found various forms of it….except for you. You keep trying to get it and you feel you keep failing and it causes you to panic or get depressed or just feel like an all-around failure. But during all this searching and striving and flailing, have you ever really thought about the nature of happiness itself?

Look – happiness is a feeling, not a state of being. It is lovely and it is fleeting but it is NOT – I emphasize, NOT – the state you should be wishing to live in forever.

Think about it this way.

Going about in a constant state of sadness is dangerous, yes? We discourage that, we spend so much time trying to raise people out of it, and we call it depression. We know it’s unhealthy to live in that state.

Why, then, do we think it’s somehow okay to live – much less set a goal – towards a constant state of happiness? Just because one is a pleasant emotion and the other an unpleasant one doesn’t mean one is any better for us than the other. They’re simply two extremes on a straight line – one above, one below. Neither is healthy over the long-term. Both are meant to be experienced only occasionally.

Instead, pursue the healthy. Pursue contentment.

Contentment means you experience the joy and the sadness in your life without expecting anything unrealistic. You can be secure in the knowledge both feelings will eventually dissipate. There will be moments of supreme joy you can embrace and moments of sadness you must endure. Both feelings have their own meaning.

Contentment is attainable. You can look at your life and say, ‘I have enough, right now. I am okay.’ And from there, any steps you make to further your joy will not come from a place of fear, where you feel you MUST find success or happiness – or you have nothing. You will already have enough. Within contentment, you find peace.” — locogirlp

10. Some friends aren’t meant to stay in your world forever.

“Always salt your pasta while it boils, bunny ears are a perfectly acceptable way to tie your sneakers, some friends aren’t meant to be around forever, save your money but know when to enjoy the fruits of your labor, she’s looking to have fun and feel safe stop trying to marry her, change your own oil, learn how to fix a flat, keep a clean car, never turn down opportunity for fear of failure, take pride in your appearance, and never forget that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.” — littlebeargiant

11. Stop making excuses.

“Excuses will destroy your life. Every excuse you make just takes something away from you. You’re not going to class because of shit going on in your life? You’re fucking up your future. Put on your big girl panties and do your shit or you’ll pay for it later.” — SouthernYankeeWitch 

12. Maintain perspective.

“Maintain perspective — things that may seem like a big deal (i.e. getting a large bill) are not worth a world of stress. Work hard and the rest will follow.” — EdMcGIV

13. Seriously, don’t do drugs. 

“Don’t fuck with opiates, stimulants, or benzos. Too many kids in their early twenties think it’s a good time to take prescription pills, be it OxyContin or adderall or Xanax. It all seems innocuous at first, but that shit is incredibly addictive. I was partial to opiates myself, and it fucked me up for a long time after I lost control of it.

Shit goes from ‘fun and recreational’ to ‘desperate because I need it’ faster than you’d think.” — lemon_catgrass

14. Appreciate the people in your universe. 

“You are young, but if you take a second to look around, the family you have been with your whole life have begun to grow old. Your grandparents won’t be around much longer, and your parents are getting into their 40s and 50s. Spend the time with them while they can still enjoy it, because it’s those memories you will have when they get old and are no longer able to do them/aren’t around anymore.” — dourazel

15. Find a balance between work and fun.

“What you spend your time doing right now will lay the foundation for the rest of your life. Have fun, but don’t waste it. You can’t get that time back.” — uacoop

16. Remember that you are still young.

“When I was 24, I had a 30-year old, married couple that I knew and hung out with. The wife told me, ‘Whatever mess you make in your 20’s, you can clean up in your 30’s.’ She said this because I was worried about my career and the possibility of buying a house with my fiance.

Basically, you still have time to grow into a functional adult and you still have the energy and motivation to start your life over and/or make some bad decisions. Experiment. Try and get that new job you want. Move somewhere else.

But try and get your life at least a little bit in order before your 30.” — the_planes_walker

17. Find a career you actually enjoy. 

“Working a job you hate for the money will just make you hate your life. Do something you enjoy even if it pays less and learn to live on that.” — itsZiz

18. Invest in your retirement from an early age.

“As soon as you get a job start investing in your retirement if you can afford it (401k, ira).

Typically your investments should double every 10 years. So every dollar you can invest now will be 16 dollars when you retire. Not to mention the tax shelter when you start making real money (pre tax deductions or post tax taxfree growth).” — workact

19. Realize there are gray areas in life. 

“Critical thinking: Knowing that having two opposing ideas in your head isn’t the cause for a meltdown. Search out at least two (more are better) differing opinions and news sources before deciding on the truth (or relative truth) of a thing. Sometimes there is no black or white, only gray.” — JasperDyne

20. Never forget the importance of networking. 

“Network. Build those work relationships. Be friendly with your coworkers (classmates if you’re still in school). They may know someone who can help you out down the line.

In this world, connections are everything.” — 420shadesofgreen

21. Learn to communicate (and laugh) with your person about sex.

“One of my favorite pieces of sex advicebeyond the very obvious — learn to communicate and talk about sex, is to learn to laugh. Find someone you can laugh with in bed so if the anal or whatever else you try goes completely wrong, it’ll be okay because you can laugh about it. I always feel bad for those people who try something and it goes wrong and they are afraid to ever speak tot he person again or both partners just shut down and won’t speak of it. Laughter defuses so much tension. And while this may not be true of everyone, gosh damn does a good laugh just feel good sometimes. Naked, bed shaking laughter is so underrated.

Plus, the whole communication thing seems to go easier if you both are able to laugh. Sex doesn’t have to be this very serious thing. Not all the time anyway.” — Tzipity

22. Ask your elders for advice before making major decisions.

“Ask the advice of older people before making a big purchase like a house or car. Have them come with you if you can. Young people will often get taken advantage of when taking out loans for something like that. Don’t buy super nice things yet. Buy used things for cheaper and save your money.” — ediblehearts

23. Never forget to wear sunscreen.

“If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The longterm benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.” — Yooreka

24. Know your single status isn’t embarrassing. 

“You do not need to be married by now.” — aden34

25. Treat your body with respect.

“Do not take your body or your health for granted. You need your teeth, arteries, lungs and joints to last you the rest of your life. Treat them with the respect they deserve for keeping you alive, and perhaps that life will be long and healthful.” — bakemeawaytoys