#'he's seemed wise...' 'he don't know shit kids he's quoting me'

[luna-lovegreat]

Currently obsessed with the idea that the boys go to Time for love advice, since "he's married so he knows this stuff right?"

I mean they couldn't recognize a wedding ring??? And neither did he???

And time was saying this in his youth I mean cmon

Twilight: So ancestor. What would you do if like. Malon left to another world and never came back

Time: ... bro Malon called me fairy boy and then we were married like what

Hyrule: So uhh old man. How does one. Meet a girl.

Time: By speaking to her I guess? Or not, Malon did the talking for me

Hyrule: riiiiight...

Wild *no tact*: Hey so like... what if your redheaded wife who's name started with M died.

Time: what?!?!

Wild, undeterred: but like before she proposed.

Time: ...

Wild: and you don't remember if you would have said yes. What's your advice for dealing with that?

Time: ... vent to a fairy?

Warriors: hey old man

Time: no no no not this one asking me please

Warriors: how do I get women to stop coming after me. So I can ya know. Choose without war trying to force me into relationships

Time: I can safely say I've never had that problem captain

Wars: of course not *smirks*

Wars: ok but seriously how do I make them go away

Time: ... wear a wedding ring so they think you're taken, I've got a shiny extra

Time: no no why- they won't stop, I don't know how to do love!

Time: ok well at least I have legend. That kid would never ask for advice, I'll sit by him.

Legend: so old man.

Time, looking forward to a normal conversation: yeah?

Legend: hypothetically, what would you do if you found out Malon didn't exist.

Legend: And her whole world didn't, but it did, and now it doesn't

Time: ...Excuse me for a minute.

Time, writing a letter as fast as he can: MALON HOW DO I GIVE LOVE ADVICE THEY THINK IM WISE

Malon: lol

Happy Valentine's Day guys, have a headcanon :P

The boys go to Time for love advice and Time spouts whatever wise-sounding bs he can, before shoving them all on Malon for therapy when they visit the ranch

Art and comic by Jojo @linkeduniverse! :D

[alaritheaurora]

Hey so, what the fuck is up with Shilo and Emizel?

Like yeah, they're brothers. Confirmed twins by Condi. How???

It's been made pretty clear that Shilo is half human, or at least in those kinds of vibes. There is never once a mention of his turning, he seems pretty clueless on humans, he has aged to his current age. But then he can also somewhat digest food, and his aura looks like a human aura. Yeah, that's all good, checks out.

What about Emizel? It is very hinted at, if not stated that Jeffrey is not his real father, but that he found or adopted him when he was still a baby. If Emizel is half vampire like Shilo, wouldn't he show that? He would, yeah, at least a bit. But he hasn't.

Even if takes more human traits, like Shilo takes more vampires traits. But he hasn't. There are no vampire traits. He's not faster, not stronger, doesn't have enhanced senses. I'm sure he would've noticed by now if he could do some mind shit or thought that blood looked particularily yummy. Even appearance wise, while we don't know exactly what he looked like, it is said that he is going through the vampire transition, becoming paler, getting fangs, pointy ears, red eyes. That is changing, he did not have that before. He looked like a human, he acted like a human.

The only time when he's human that he acts vampiric is when they say that "in the streetlight, it's almost like your eyes glow red" (not a direct quote, AT ALL, pulled from my ass and memore) but that is in reference to the all of the Demons. The whole gang have symbolism in their eyes.

The other time is when Emizel has been bitten and has the urge to bite his soon-to-be-sire back. There is something urging him to bite the guy. But that isn't necessarily a vampire thing. Vampires don't really bite other vampires. And for all we know, maybe there's some dying instinct that recognizes that vampire blood could save your life if you've been bitten. Or hell, Emizel just seems like he's kinda just like that. It does not seem out of character for his last dying action to be to bite someone.

So like, wtf? Why is Shilo half vampire and Emizel not?

I still think that the queen is their mom. I don't think she'd give a shit about Shilo if he weren't her son. And Emizel seems like the one she's keeping tabs on.

So here's my Lil theory. It was mentioned that vampires could briefly turn humans to eat shit. Now I don't know the vampire masquerade mechanics or shit, but it seems to me like maybe that could aply to more than just eating food. So like, maybe miss Queen Vampire wanted a night on the town, or hell, maybe she wanted a kid. So she got it on with some human, maybe Jeffrey, maybe not.

Gurl gets pregnant, but oops, it's twins. And when they're born, after a bit it's achingly clear one of them is more human than the other. Turns out, maybe doing the do while human fucked shit up a bit, so while the kids could carry vampire genes, they also could not at all. In fact it was probably more likely for the kid to not be a vampire at all.

So now her Majesty has two sons. One who looks like a vampire, one who doesn't. She's worried about both of them because they are at the very least half human and humans tend to die easily. She says "Hey, I'll give it time, maybe Emizel will just take time to be more vampire like, it's possible it's not an instantaneous thing"

She waits. Shilo is clearly a vampire. He drinks blood, he has little fangs, his eyes are red. Emizel, decidedly does and is not. After a few months, it becomes clear that Emizel is not a vampire. Fuck. What do they do?

Her council (or whatever the fuck they are) suggest to just kill Emizel, he's human, besides she already has one son, why need another? Miss Her Majesty is like "I dealt with too much morning sickness to get kill this kid". So maybe out of suggestion of the council, maybe out of fear for his life, she decides to ship baby Emizel off the LA without telling anyone. There he can grow up with humans and live a human life and not be as in danger as in the castle. Besides, she can just keep tabs on him so that if he does end up being half vampire she can scoop him up and plop him with his brother.

At least that's what I think. It's possible that Emizel is just built different.

[bcofl0ve]

What do you honestly think about Kaia? Like, I still don't have an opinion, but how can she hang out with girls her age and act like her age, but date Austin who is much older and might even have different habits/views on life? I wonder what they might have in common because they seem in love, it's not hate or anything, but curious about it

i genuinely really like her. i think we have a similar dry sense of humor, which endears me to her and i appreciate how passionate she is about the things she enjoys. friends wise- tbf they aren’t all 21/22, ayo is 28! (this blew my mind when i first realized it lol i thought she was in her early 20s!). karlie is a whole mother of two kids. jeremy o’harris is in his 30s. i think she has friends across the age group range lolol.

idk if you’ve seen the clip of austin that’s viral rn (the one where he’s talking about why he loves film) but the other day i saw some local quote tweet it and say something like ‘ohhh i get him and kaia now’ and i legit wanted to jump up and yell YES! bc ‘austin moments’ like that are *exactly* why i genuinely think him and kaia actually make perfect sense as a pair.

i think the way he talks about his passion for films is very mirrored in how kaia talks about her passion for books. and that shared intellectual interest i think is maybe what they bonded over in the first place. they’re both passionate about the shit they care about it and have a genuine interest in the world they exist in. yes, she’s younger. but i don’t think their age gap changes any of that ^. at least to me.

i know the first instinct when young girls say they’re an oLd SoUL is cringe and like. i get it. but she *did* have to grow up fast working in the industry so young so it makes enough sense to me that she probably genuinely “feels older” in some sense. maybe this is just bc she’s always skewed older dating wise but imagining her with a 21/22 year old actor or whenever gen does not make sense in my head lmao! her bestie charlotte lawrence said that them living together didn’t work out bc she always wanted to go out and kaia was a homebody, and that was before austin (the exact thing charlotte said was that she just wanted to stay in with her boyfriend- jacob at the time). i don’t think she feels like she’s missing anything by not being an early 20s young hollywood party girl, because i don’t think she any genuine interest in that and never has.

[hattrickprincess]

Not necessarily romantic but imagine the RM squad being so set on not going easy on Kylian because they don't appreciate the way he ghosted the club before. They're a bit prideful and want to make it hard for him, especially Vinicius because of his beef with Neymar who he idolizes.

Kylian arrives to cold shoulders and half hearted greetings, many fake smiles. Even Bellingham who's also a new arrival, but still too young to go against group dynamics and favors his own integration by aligning with the rest of the locker room.

Kylian expected it, but he still finds it childish. He shrugs it off, and embraces the loneliness. He trains hard, always the first to come and last to leave even if he's ignored off pitch during collective training, save for Cama and Aurelien. He's too happy during his first entrance at The Bernabeu for a game to care about the hateful chants and booing. This is his dream, and he doesn't care if the supporters and players don't want any part of it.

It's his and no one will take it from him.

The first game of the season is a derby with Atletico Madrid and Antoine hugs him tight in the corridor. Kylian's giggling at the fake threats the now blue haired man makes and his dimples are on full display.

Jude turns to talk to him out of nowhere. Asks how he's not nervous. Kylian shrugs.

"Football's the same everywhere. The stadiums change, your teammates might change, and your coaches might change. But football's the same everywhere." Jude's eyes are wide and they remind him a lot of his, when he was first going to play at Parc des Princes. "Those are wise words" Modric pipes. Kylian thinks of Neymar's younger smile, kinder eyes and smiles. "Yeah, they are. But they're not mine." It startles a laugh out of Luka and Jude. "Who are you quoting?" Kylian tsks. "Sorry, can't tell you. They're the enemy now." He winks. Jude rolls his eyes and then suddenly hugs him. "Good luck, bro. Show them." He murmurs in his ear.

Kylian reminds himself Jude's just a kid. There's no grudge to hold for him wanting to make a place for himself. He hugs him back, aims a slap at his shoulderblade.

"You too. Just play like you know how to."

His eyes meet Vinicius' who's glaring at him. He winks at him, earning him an eye-roll. Brazilians being loyal to a fault to Neymar is something he's used to. He thinks of Thiago and laughs to himself. Aurelien hugs him before he take his place on the bench and Cama sticks to him as they go out.

He doesn't score first period because Vinicius doesn't pass to him and it only makes Kylian smile. At half-time, Ancelotti, Luka and Marcello scream at the squad to get it together. That personal things should remain off pitch. Everyone seems a bit flustered. Aurelien says Kylian could've scored at least 4 times if Vinicius passed the ball, to which Eduardo adds "I'm not gonna do the work and press like a bitch for you to mess it up, Vini."

Courtois nods "You're being unreasonable."

Ancelotti asks Kylian then : "anything you want to say?"

Kylian shrugs, putting on a dry jersey. '"He can keep the ball if he scores." Kroos chuckles.

Ancelotti tells them he's done with their bullshit and if they don't get their shit together by the end of the game, he'll seriously reconsider the team's structure.

Once he and the staff leave and it's just the players, tension is palpable .

"I will score!" Vinicius says loudly. "Like I have before newbies came in. There's no status in here in case they forgot."

Kylian laughs, dimples on show. The rest observe, perplex.

"You better because if you keep playing like that, you'll lose your spot."

Silence falls in the locker room. Vinicius' grinding his teeth.

"What are you trying to say?"

Kylian looks around and smiles. "Well. I'm pretty sure there are a few compilations of me playing left winger on the internet you can look up. I would have scored every single one of the shots you missed, in the conditions you were in. I was mobilizing 3 of their 4 defenders, you only had Mandava to deal with and you lost every single duel. Status doesn't matter but skill sure does, if Ancelotti and Perez are to be asked."

Vinicius gets close to his face and Aurelien immediately pushes him away.

"Back off!"

"Oh he has his minions now huh?"

"Well at least we're not sucking off a dude who's not even in the squad" Eduardo says.

"Shut the fuck up!" Marcelo yells at all of them. "Put your dicks away and present yourselves like the adults that you are."

"Oh please, you're the one behind the smear campaign." Luka says.

Huh. Real mature, Kylian thinks. Now, that's a surprise.

Betrayed,

Marcelo stutters.

"I- i just wanted to tease him a little. See what he got. It wasn't meant to-"

"Alienate him?" Kroos says. "Be serious".

People start talking over one another and Kylian's had it.

"Hey. Hey. HEY! LISTEN. I don't give a fuck if you don't like my adorable self for whatever reason. Or if you're mad over personal career decisions that do not concern you. That's a you issue. I don't care. I want to win, and I know I'm now in a squad that will make that happen no matter what. That is specifically why I came. So" he looks at Vinicius "Keep messing up your scores and don't pass to me, if you want. That benefits me because he WILL put me in your spot and you know that. I win regardless." His smile is wicked, but he's learnt decades ago that he only got few occasions to let his voice be heard and he needed to make those count each time.

"You're not a threat to me" Vinicius sneers.

"Act like it." He answers.

They win 5-2, Kylian scores a hattrick and Vinicius 2 goals at his assist. At the third goal, Vinicius' smile during celebration turns geniune. At the fourth, Kylian's got his weight on his back and his gleeful yells in his ear. After the game, they shake hands and their expressions erases all need for words. It's easier after that. Because Kylian IS adorable and wins everyone over with his clinginess, eagle laugh and boyish charm. "Kid is fucking adorable, I melt. What the fuck, I didn't think we'd meet someone cuter than Rodrygo" Kroos says one time and the blush on Kylian's cheeks makes the entire squad coo and tease.

Real Madrid discovers a Kylian that is a lot different than anything they ever read. A sweet, kind and humble young man with a killing spirit on the pitch and fierce determination. The duality gives them whiplash sometimes.

Luka takes him under his wing, Vinicius warms up to him and jokes along with him, and Jude follows him like a duckling. Cama and Aurelien are his safe place, along with Antoine outside of the club. Madrid slowly starts feeling like an actual dream.

It'll never be Home. That's Paris.

But he's okay with the rest of his career being a dream.

Bonus:

Vinicius walks into the restaurant, apprehension burning his gut. He smiles at the man waiting for him and hugs back, happy to see him. They talk about how the past few months have been.

"You've been doing great ! Stats are amazing. The duo is working well !"

Vinicius shrugs.

"Guess we have chemistry."

It's silent for a moment. Vinicius has to get it off his chest.

"Listen. I'm sorry, it's just. He's my teammate and he's kind of made it hard to hate him. I'm sorry."

Hazel burns when Vinicius looks up, but instead of anger, it looks like...mirth. Amusement

"Won you over didn't he?"

Vinicius' smile is tentative but he nods.

"Yeah. Won the whole squad over on his first game, actually."

The laugh is sincere, makes Vinicius join.

"Yeah well that's Kyky for you. Irresistible." Neymar smiles fondly.

Vinicius waits.

"I never wanted you to hate him. He and I are on great terms, looking back, it was a lot of ego on my end and stubborness on his. I'm actually grateful to him more than I ever admitted to him."

That makes Vinicius curious. Neymar shrugs.

"He was the first to ever push right back. To tell me "no". He defended his own interests instead of letting me take what I selfishly felt entitled to. It was a humbling and learning lesson to me. I wish I had more friends like him, maybe I wouldn't have fucked up as much."

Vinicius knows this is about his private life so he stays quiet. He prides himself in never liking that post.

"Vinicius."

He looks up. Neymar's face is solemn. Like when he's about to give great advice.

"Kylian is a good person. And I'm flattered you'd want to take my side, but it's chilidish and he didn't deserve the way you treated him. You need to come clean and tell him the truth."

Vinicius feels heat rising to his cheeks.

"Pretty sure he already knows why I behaved like that."

Neymar chuckles.

"This is why the football world thinks Brazil is a Neymar cult."

Vinicius fiercely disagrees.

"No! You're just our icon. Like Messi is to Argentina, like Ronaldo is to Portugal and like Mbappé himself is becoming to France! Loyalty comes with being a great player and captain."

Neymar smiles.

"Yeah. But this was between me and my little brother. He's family to me, Vinicius."

Vinicius feels very much like a child. He's embarrassed.

"I'll apologize."

"Thank you. Make everyone else do the same, please."

It's an order and it makes Vinicius chuckle.

"This is why he says you'll always be the greatest player he ever played with. You're still taking care of him even though he's no longer in your squad."

Neymar's heart warms.

"Yeah well. As I said : irresistible."

Later that night, Kylian's watching a show when his phone rings. He smiles. "Hey."

"Hi Kyky, how are you?"

"Great. You?"

"I'm at your door."

Kylian smirks.

"Should I open, Junior ?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"I don't know, you go around telling people I'm your little brother. Don't know how I feel about that when you're most likely gonna be balls deep in me in 10 minutes."

"So you will open the door for me to fuck you senseless in 10 minutes?"

Kylian laughs and goes up to let his boyfriend in.

tell me, what post did you mean?? i need to know.

this is beauuuuutiful, i really need to get you to start posting on ao3... we'd feast i just know it

[khaleesiofalicante]

Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling. -Oscar Wilde

(the whole quote is actually so beautiful, you should look it up if you want!)

I have to wake up early af tomorrow for some family thing no one cared to explain me, but I'm absolutely going to stay up late to read lbaf😎

Abigail should be protected and loved at all costs no arguing 😍

Look, I don't have a younger sister, but I don't think those are the stories you tell them normally... Nor judgement tho!

“Attacking the Consul is high treason, chiquita.” Rafael bouncing Abigail is LITERALLY the cutest mental image 🥺🥺 also the nickname ahhhhh😭

Me mind rn: RAFAEL WITH KIDS. RAFAEL WITH KIDS. RAFAEL WITH-

“Why does Ragnor want me there?” Georgia asked.

“I have no idea,” Rafael said. “But I can see why anyone would want your expertise. You add great value to everything, Gigi."

Hell yeah she is the best!!! I love how he asks her first is she wants to go tho!!!

Ragnor absolutely LOVES her and you can't change my mind😌

Conclusion: It's not a warlock, someone is collapsing the ley lines, and I'm still clueless as fuck :) but also omg Nico!!! I was sooo curious about that character!! And he is the oldest warlock alive??? I NEED TO MEET HIM SO BAD ALREADY 😔

And he was the one who sent Ragnor looking for Magnus... I need to know why. It's not a want. It's a NEED😭 I hope you know you ruined canon for me bc now this will be forever in my brain :))

Camila and Rafel? ✨Iconic duo✨

Me after every Marcus' scene: ok, that was actually kinda deep and he does seem to admire and respect Rafael a lot🥰 yeah, you don't trick me bitch! You are just as dangerous and crazy as your sister, now stay AWAY🔪🔪

But also can we talk about how great of a mirror they are to each other? So similar but so different at the same time... ✨wow✨

Anjali bothering Camilla about her crush on Marcus is everything I didn't know I needed lmaoo

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate Rafael and Max talking to each other about their problems and offering advice? Because that's the content I'm here for 🥺

Jk, jk. I am here bc I like to suffer:)

Anjali being so wise and badass as always I see😍 istg if I didn't know already I'm bi af, I would have figured it out quite easily with lbaf

Alec officiating Rosewood wedding 😭😭 SCREAMING AND CRYING

“Yo. She burned all your notes, right?”

Anjali nodded. “Yes.”

“And you still became Primi Ordines?” Max asked in surprise.

Anjali nodded again. “Yes.”

Then she walked away.

Max looked at Rafael and shook his head. “What a bad bitch.”

“I’m gonna marry that bad bitch,” Rafael grinned.

She's an icon. She's a legend. She is the best- if you don't propose to her soon I sure as hell will!!!

Gigi and Lexi. Parabatai rights. Me loving it💙

Girl, JUST FUCKING TALK TO HER!!!

“I am old,” the man admitted with a shrug. “And that’s not a bad thing.” THE GROWTH 😭

“I don’t really know anyone who has their shit together.”

Lexi hummed. “Maybe no one does.”

You have no idea how accurate this is, love...

Alec>>>>>> Raziel

He is wiser, sexier and 100% better 😎

Me before Max's POV: I am confused:))

Me after Max's POV: Yeah, no. I am definitely worse lmao

“They never cause serious injury. It’s almost as if they don’t realize they’re here to attack.”

....

“What if these attacks are a distraction?”

This is foreshadowing I just feel it!!!

Uncle Jace looked stricken by that. “I think I’d know if my child was possessed.”

“You didn’t know the last time.”

Gabriel, babe, you have a point... But DON'T HURT MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT!!

I'm collecting these like pokemon lmao

I just want to give Jace a hug😭😭

I get David's point, I reaaaally do!! Bc it kinda also happens to me that, bc I'm "a nice person" people get shocked when they find I can also feel angry

BUT THERE IS SOMETHING MORE TO THIS I CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT!!! I WILL LOSE MY MIND IF I CONTINUE LIKE THIS

“People change when they grow up,” David said, staring at the mirror. “Maybe this is who I was always been. Maybe this was inevitable.” He is remembering Albert, right????😭

“Play a game with me,” Max said. “Truth or dare.”

David sighed tiredly. “Mon ange-”

“Ayaan,” Max whispered, the name he used only for David. The name he made for David. “Please.”

I'm not crying, why do you ask? 🙂🙂

They ARE good at communicating!!! So, what is happening????

“I wish I could rip out of my heart and show you what’s in there,” Max whispered. “I wish I could show you who’s in there."

David let out an exhaled and kissed him again. “Promise me, Max. Promise me you’ll never get tired of me.”

Max didn’t know how to say that it was impossible.

He never wanted less of David. If anything, he wanted more.

More. More. More.

How do they manage to be so angsty but at the same time so fucking in love???🥺🥺

I need them to stop being horny bc I need answers, but honestly I can't blame them bc that was indeed hot as fuck 😔

“Déshabille-toi, mon ange,” David whispered.

Max swallowed. “I thought there was no sex talk in the car."

David pulled back further and peeled off his t-shirt. “Who said we'll be talking?"

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WTF. I- I AM SPEECHLESS

He loved his David in every way.

But he was scared.

Because something changed in David.

And Max didn’t know what caused it.

And it terrified him.

Maybe David wasn’t possessed.

Nothing was wrong.

But something was not right either.

And Max intended to find out.

YESS!! GO OFF AND FIGURE THIS SHIT OUR BABE!!! AND OET JACKSON HELP YOU!! BECAUSE I AM LOSING MY MIND OVER HERE!!

I will just leave with some memes cause humor is my coping mechanism and I need to let this chapter sink in🙂

babe that's one of my fave Wilde quotes oml. Thank you for sharing it and drowning me in feels.

also omg what's with families and making us go to shit that has nothing to do with us????? make this illegal thanks :)

YOUR MEMES KILLED ME OMG.

I made you know one too <3

[sinkat-arts]

WIP Wednesday... Daisuga, Again

[I only post bits I actively worked on for the week. If I don't stop fiddling with the first chapter, though... at this rate, I might as well just post the whole dang thing. Daichi's catching up with Kuroo over dinner here.]

--

“Oh, you know. Surviving. Work’s been tough, but what I’m doing now is really interesting… so I don’t mind the extra hours.” In fact, Daichi preferred the extra hours, but he kept that information private. 

“It’s like… jailbreaking phones and stuff, right?” Kuroo asked, hand moving to cover his own phone protectively and pull it further away from Daichi. “So you can snoop. Narc.”

“No… I’m an investigator. It’s different,” Daichi said and rolled his eyes, defensive because the accusation actually did hit a nerve. His work was interesting in a clinical sense, but in practice, even he had to admit it made him queasy to see all the intimate details of people’s lives that their phones protected. Depending on the case, it felt like a violation.

Stop: Do not think of what is on -your- phone. 

“So it’s police-sanctioned narc-ery, then. Same thing… a rose by any other name...” Kuroo answered, grinning again and clearly gunning for a reaction. 

“We’re quoting Shakespeare now?” Daichi asked, injecting enough condescension into his tone to wilt an entire garden of roses. “Then how about this one... ‘The fool doth think he is wise…’” 

“Damn, Sawamura. Sick burn.” Kuroo said with a sarcastic lilt, smirking and pulling back from the table in a mock defensive gesture.

“I get one in every now and then,” Daichi answered.

Raising his hands in surrender, Kuroo laughed and moved on. “But you’re just… pulling shit off people’s phones?”

“Yes… Well, no, but close. I don’t do that part. I just take the data and do digital analysis and investigation. Connecting the dots. Stuff like that.” 

Kuroo gave him an appraising look and shook his head. “Gotta say… I never thought you’d choose a desk job… Doesn’t seem very… you? You’re more hands-on. ” 

“I mean… I’m still on patrol every day. I’m not an analyst yet. But… it’s a specialized skill, so better job security and a pay bump… Lets me send more money back home, too, so it seemed like a good choice.” That was a half-truth. Had his plan succeeded, it would have let him send more money home to help his mom. She was a single mother with two teenagers at home and two other kids in college right now, and funds were, as always, tight. 

Of course, all that would only have been possible if his plan succeeded. It very spectacularly did not succeed, so he was stuck in an overpriced shoebox in Tokyo, barely able to send the same amount he’d sent when he was still in Miyagi. The plan, after all, had relied on having two incomes in the budget. 

But that was a dangerous train of thought to board, one that would run off the rails very quickly if he indulged it.

[whats-rambled-rambled]

okay okay had to put this in an ask because tumblr limits the length of comments and I have a lot to say, I'm sorry, this is going to be a lot (I'm not that sorry)

first I would like to reiterate that I see what you're doing setting us up for canonical pain. I SEE IT. I'm ready but not ready. Oof.

second, I love soft Neil. I love Neil and drinks. I love that he brought her tea. I love that he's a little bit sassy. The your honor comment? Golden. "I rest my case"?? "I am in bed"?? I love him your honor (pun intended).

not gonna bother numbering anything anymore because just aklhslfkajhlkdfa I wasn't kidding when I said this chapter is already making my brain do crazy things (specifically dial up internet noises and incoherent screaming). You write angst SO. WELL. I have never been so ready to be put through more pain. You seriously make me feel like I'm experiencing each and every emotion. I feel a little fucked up that one of the agents died and I don't even know them. That's how well you wrote that

also, the reader nerding out over the timeline software? I love it. I love this soft, smart reader. I have a feeling they're way more capable than they seem, if that makes sense. Love the tiny details you add too, to make them more real, specifically the type of drink they like (fruity but kinda sour)

throwing in a "what's happened's happened" as part of Neil's argument to love and get to know people, even at the risk of losing them? Fuck me up shet just do it already (again, I see what you're doing here and I hate it but I love it)

Oh oh oh and "I might not have a hall pass"!! Naughty Neil! Neil was definitely a secretly naughty schoolboy, I just know it. He got up to some stuff (movie quote reference intended).

I'm very sorry that this is like super long and incoherent and that it seems like I'm a little obsessed with you and your writing but like....I am. I want more. I will read whatever you write, forever, even if I have no fucking clue what the source material is. You're just so good! And I always know how much I love getting long asks like this so I figured I would spread the love!

tl;dr I'm obsessed, please keep it up, you're amazing, Neil and this reader are amazing, posterity is amazing

P.S. I'm ready to get a little more fucked up when I listen to the song for this chapter on the way home

(I'm done now I swear)

Okay, I will try not to randomly burst into tears, so forgive me for rambling.

And I'm not surprised you see it, but you know -

-- and I did, too.

(I might have just made this one on the spot, excuse the clunkiness)

Neil and drinks - I love this trope, and I know we already had some of it in the previous chapter, but I think he's exactly the person who would bring you something comforting to drink after a night like that. And he's a good listener so, of course, he made the right decision when it comes to the choice of the beverages. Aaaand he can be a little shit all the same, in the best way possible! In this house, we love a man who can do both 😌

Dial-up internet noises - Shelby, I CACKLED. And I'm glad you felt something during the KIA agent's part, however that may sound lol. I really wanted to capture those emotions and make you care about that poor guy even with so little time spent with him story-wise.

And it makes sense, yes! This Reader is capable of many things, I think they are a bit surprised that they show their vulnerable side so easily when it comes to Neil, but they can't help it and I don't blame them. And a drink of choice thing is such a great tool to tell a little bit about Reader without going into lengthy descriptions, I can't resist using it whenever I introduce a new reader.

Listen, the "what's happened's happened" - I swear it kinda...happened hah. These two are talking, I am nodding and typing it down, and then Neil drops this and I'm like - fuck me up, why don't you. 😂

I am all down for secretly naughty schoolboy Neil. Please, someone write 10k on that topic. Or 10 chapters, even better!

(You have no idea how much I appreciate random references like that)

Don't ever apologize for super long and/or incoherent comments, you said so yourself - that's every writer's dream made true, and I am tearing up again, damn you. Thank you so so much for taking the time to leave me one, and every kind word, I'm just-- 🥺

PS. Please let me know how you like the song, you can also throw in Old Stars by Fergus James and Dustin Tebutt, and Lullaby by Emmit Fenn while you're at it😏)

[nexyra]

RWBY Analysis - Ozpin & Ruby, on the concept of leadership

In her song "Burned out", Dodie sings of her fans, how they look up to her and how uneasy that realization made her. For everyone is at the end of the day just as human as their neighbour; and having the hopes and expectations of others put upon you when you're just as lost as them can be a frightening thing. And this... made me think of Ruby & Ozpin.

On the subject of leadership, Ozpin tells Ruby the following : “Being a team leader isn't just a title you carry into battle, but a badge you wear constantly. If you are not always performing at your absolute best, then what reason do you give others to follow you?”

While I love this quote, I also have to analyze the drawbacks of this mentality and how they align with both Ozpin and Ruby. At the time, Ruby is a newly appointed leader and unsure of this reality. Ozpin's counsel give her the confidence needed to step up as a leader and take her duties more seriously, which in return appeases Weiss' and make their team all the more balanced. It is, in that context, good advice. A good leader should strive to lead by example and work hard to be worthy of the respect others give them, both in and outside of battle.

However there is one aspect that I find much more complex and that is... what does it mean to "always perform at your absolute best" and to have others follow you ? Note the use of follow, people letting you lead alone as opposed to "standing by your side" or a similar expression. It showcases in my opinion one of the biggest problem of Ozpin's leadership, but one that I feel has been inadvertently repeated by Ruby's.

- - - - - - - -

To cultivate hope and lies

When it comes to Ozpin's lies, I am of the firm belief that he had good intentions. Soo if you think he's the scorn of this earth, this might be a good time to tap out :D Now, this said I have a lot to say on the subject but I'll keep this short to stay on track (& make another unrelated post to develop my thoughts.)

In my opinion, at the core of his lies stand different beliefs. And on the subject of leadership, I think one stands out in particular and aligns with the advice he gave Ruby : the need to perform at your best to give others a reason to follow you.

Ozpin is the reincarnation of a centuries-old wizard and the headmaster of a school : what is one aspect almost every character agrees on upon meeting him ? "Oh, he's wise. He's knowledgeable. He has the answers. He has his shit together. He can tell us what to do."

Inherently, Ozpin's existence inspires respect and reassure. Just like to a child, a parent is all-knowing and unbreakable, Ozpin's status automatically give others the assumption that he knows what he's doing. And this, in my opinion, is one of the core problems of his leadership.

May it be with his inner circle, with RWBY, with ANYONE really; as soon as Ozpin reveals himself there are unspoken expectations that will chain him. He has the knowledge, he was here when it all began, he's the one calling the shots so he HAS to know exactly what to do. In that situation, breaking down and revealing to everyone how lost Ozpin is, how out of his depth... is unconceivable. And this is where Ozpin's conception of leadership becomes a problem as well. If you always perform "at your best" then you keep your doubts to yourself, you hide your sorrows and you put on a brave face. There are expectations in place that Ozpin wants (needs even) to meet. And thus the hopes of others and Ozpin's desire to fulfill them feed one another, as a perfect recipe for disaster. Because the more time Ozpin spends acting as if everything is under control, the more the expectations pile up... And coming clean about his humanity, the fact that he's just as powerless as the rest of them, becomes impossible.

And in that sense, breaking down the pedestal Ozpin had been put on was probably one of the best thing to do for his own mental health (though the method lacked a bit of compassion in my opinion xD)

The other part that somehow causes problem is how RELIANT on him his inner circle is. Despite their apparent friendship, Ozpin is the clear leader and as soon as he's out of comission, everything falls apart. Ironwood is the only one to call out Oz but in the end still wishes for the wizard to tell him what to do in period of stress. Qrow plays spy and takes order but doesn't seem really interested in stading at Ozpin's side as an equal. Glynda is stern but still defers to him etc...

All of them FOLLOW Ozpin but are just a few steps off from standing at his side. And this is something I see reflected in Ruby.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Following optimism up until it fails you

In Vol6, as secrets and lies are brought to the light, the loss of Hope that Ozpin feared so deeply happens. Is it worth it ? What are we even going to do with an immortal foe ? Maybe we should just go home. In that situation, Ruby is the simple soul who manages to keep her optimism, stand tall and say "No. We are taking the lamp to Atlas." And from then on her position as a leader and a bacon of light is reaffirmed. As Jaune put it in V4 "You gave us the courage to follow you."

Now is that, in itself, a problem ? Of course not. In fact I loved seeing Ruby come into herself and take the lead in Vol6. The problem in truth comes after, from the ramifications. From Vol6 onward, Ozpin has essentially been rid of his leader position and Ruby inherited it. And on a surface level sure, they are pretty different. Ruby is certainly closer to her partners : they're a family and they care about each other.

However, she is still clearly put at the lead. The others relied on Ruby's optimism and resilience to get to Atlas, and continue to do so. Setting foot in Ironwood's office, Blake tells Ruby "We'll follow your lead". They trust her, and whatever Ruby does... goes. They lie to Ironwood and Yang expresses some hesitations but eventually rally to Ruby's decision. And I emphasize this again : it is Ruby's decision. They did not pre-emptively discuss this as a group and then let Ruby be the spoke-person. Yang herself in Vol8 criticizes not their actions but Ruby's choices. Ruby calls the shots, Ruby is responsible for what happens, Ruby is their beacon of hope... Ruby is the new Ozpin.

Ruby has to be optimistic, and make the decisions and take risks because she's the leader. When Ruby leaves the room to break down, conversation & strategy stalls : the others don't take the lead. When things go south, it's Ruby's choices that led them here. Ever since Ruby has left Beacon, the only person who consistently encouraged Ruby to express the BAD, to share the negative has been Oscar. Even her silver eyes ask her to focus on only the happy memories to go off without a hitch ! The others comfort, they smile, they trust, they love even. But they don't want depressed Ruby finally grieving, they don't want honest "I don't know what to do" : they try to bring back confident and optimistic "we're gonna try" Ruby Rose. They want their earnest and happy but ultimately perfect leader that gives them reason to follow. In the end, even if they deeply care for her and have no shortage of warm coated reassurances for the teen, they still chain her down with their expectations. Ruby is NOT built for this. And I don't even say that in the "why is a kid calling the shots" sense, but "why is a kid put in a position where she's RESPONSIBLE for calling the shots ?"

Ruby is the youngest of the group apart from Oscar. The others should not rely on her this much to function. Blake telling Ruby that she looks up to her and that they'll follow her lead is admittedly sweet, but still builds up the pressure weighing her down. Blake calling out for Ruby's help when the teen has just been crashed to the ground by the Hound isn't even sweet anymore. They're all supposed to be equals. Blake is just as capable as Ruby. Calling out to your mind-controlled friend to bring them back from the edge is good. Calling out to your 17-old sister who's been beaten up because you need her to fight isn't.

They need to recognize that Ruby should not hold up the place alone. Because yes, they love her. But at the end of the day, Ruby is still the one bearing the weight of their decisions... Alone, even surrounded.

✦ ✦ BURNED OUT - DODIE ✦ ✦

He was certain; So was I There was comfort in her sighs

Dreams and ideas should not be the same thing You waited, smiling for this?

Oh, she'd want it, if she knew She could take it, I thought too Be careful, be cautious but you just wished harder You waited, smiling for this?

"But they love you!" Over and over, "they love you!" Thousands and thousands of eyes just like mine Aching to find who they are

"Oh, they love you!" Oh, you can feel how they love you ! Coated and warm but that's all they can do Words only get through if they're sharp

Oh, how fitting For one so fake Make me a fairy Whatever it takes

And just like a tale my dream was a scam You waited, smiling for this?

I am burnt out I smell of smoke It seeps through her cracks and so I start to choke Sentences sit in her mouth that are templated You waited, smiling for this?

Oh, maybe I'll talk about it... (maybe I'll talk about it) I can just talk about it... (I can just talk about it) I'll never talk about it... (I'll never talk about it) No, I cannot talk about it...

Don't build hope on something broken I am not cartoon. Cry for help, I am not joking I might just leave soon

[thattimdrakeguy]

i love tim but like. all the shit that happened to him, like all the pain and deaths and whatever, were kinda on him? in that he signed up to b robin bc dick wouldn't do it and he thought it had to be done. and i just get so lost bc it's so hard to find dc fans who portray him as the super dorky kind of a fuckboy? guy that he is in robin '93. like why do people think he's meek or quiet or w/e?? don't get me wrong there are certain fanon aspects that i do like (sneaking out to see bman and robin bc it makes him seem more competent and less middle upper class dipshit?) but like he's not shy his parents sucked and didn't make as much of an effort as they should have but they still loved him. i don't know where i was going w this i think i read too many comics

just to elaborate bc i think i said it wrong: tim was made to be more normal so more kids could relate to him. he didn't have a tragic backstory, and his discovery of batman and robin's identities was almost entirely happenstance. so i feel as though other heroes, particularly the other robins, see him suffering all this loss due to being a hero and are bitter bc like. he chose this. most of em were forced into the life by tragedy, but here's this kid who wanted to help people and gave away his life to this cause. i get it, he's the "squeamish bougie whiteboy" (fav tim quote) but ugh. i am so sorry. beginning to get annoyed with so many people adoring a character that doesn't really exist. i don't think it's gatekeeping to say that if you want to b a comics fan. you should prob read comics.

Cause he’s literally described as meek by one of the dudes that worked on the comic.

But that doesn’t mean he’s shy or anything. It’s used more on the soft spoken part but it doesn’t mean he won’t get assertive when needed. It’s more of a general statement with how he’s generally presented. He was very insecure and often unassuming. And I wouldn’t exactly call him a fuckboy either given he’s the one that doesn’t want sex.

Like there’s a grand middle to things here. Some people think he’s this rebellious, loud mouth, skater punk (Yes he can skate. Yes he likes it. No he’s not apart of skater culture except when to learn about it. Yes I love the Redboard), just because of a few comics, with a few actually being comics that are notoriously well-known for NOT being good representation of the characters in it.

But he’s also not a weirdo, barely able to speak, wimpy, dope, that everyone looks at as a total freak-show for his weirdness.

He’s a generally meek kid, who’s doing his best, is perseverant, and does what is right. He’s more soft spoken, and introverted, but he’s not brain dead and unable to make friends. He’s very awkward quite a bit every now and again, but it’s not his often constant default to be a social mess. He can speak just fine mostly, and even has his moments of confidence. His parents may have loved him but he was still emotionally neglected, and further emotionally abused by his dad later on.

Too many people want to make him like their other favorites by giving him a louder more ass-holeish confident personality. And the others want to make him more clown-ish to be funny and amuse themselves, or to a certain extent maybe they relate to it (though maybe not to the usual degree).

And to me, personally, when the most exciting and interesting part of your character is their backstory. Your character probably really freaking sucks. I’m more about the present of the character.

I don’t think Tim needed some stereotypical grand backstory, because not every character needs a big backstory to be good. Most characters in fiction don’t have a lush backstory but it’s not needed because it’s about the present of the character and how interesting they are.

Tim being a fanboy in a spot where he could let down his heroes, and he’s so insecure and not quite as good as the last that it puts pressure on him. He has to balance a home life with a super hero life, and personal life. He’s dweebie and not exactly super cool like others. He’s got anxiety unlike more confident super heroes. He does his best, and he fails often, and it’s hard on him like he’s a genuine authentic kid. His black and white thinking on heroics is fascinating when put into spots where he has to really question it.

When you put him into any super hero related spot, his point of view and general perspective is always the most interesting one, because he’s a character who never stops thinking about everything, and lets his anxious thoughts get to him, plus being through the eyes of a very authentic kid, it adds a lot that other super heroes don’t get. Either because they’re totally different personality wise, or they’re just one dimensional and don’t have anything interesting beyond very basic archetypes.

And I don’t really recall any other heroes being bitter towards Tim about losing people after his life, besides Dick having a bizarre way of saying Tim should be grateful he still has a dad.

I also don’t really think you HAVE to read the comics to be a fan, or at least all of them, because it’s super impractical to have read everything. But I feel like you should truly know and understand them, or else you’re not actually a fan of what you say you are. You’re just into the made up version people keep talking about.

Which is why I run my blog the way I do, because a lot of people don’t know the actual comics, and I find it better to learn about them.

[arethereanyoriginalusernames]

Top 5 least favorite zoophobia character designs

-----------------------------------

Welp, got the positive list out of the way. Now yet me give you the list inevitably more people will like because everyone apparently likes it when I'm negative. Go figure. Vivziepop has a whole arsenal of character designs, and here are some of my least favourites. Same ground rules for my other list apply here. And first, some dishonorable mentions.

DM 1: Jack and Damian

First things first, I don't hate the designs of the main cast. Yeah, they're simple compared to other designs in zoophobia, but, as I've said before, I like Vivz's more simple designs. But out of all the main cast, I disliked these designs the most for one reason. At least everyone else looked like their respective animal. Spam looks like a fox, Vanex looks like a cat, Kayla looks like a kangaroo, and Zill, despite the crazy colour scheme, looks like an unidentifiable creature. These guys? Damian is supposed to be this demonic jackal, but, if you look up jackal in Google Images, you'll notice that he doesn't really look like one. He looks more like some kind of wolf or fox. I don't mind the ears (hell, the horn-like, long ass ears could be his signature look ), or the eyes (he IS a demon ) but, fun fact, jackals have black ears, a black tail, and a distinct black patch of fur on their backs. Some liberties can be taken with colours, I suppose (I mean, we have a freaking purple cat in our midst, you think I'm drawing the line at the canines? ), but perhaps parts of his fur could be made darker in order to get him to resemble a jackal. Jack is a wolf/jackal hybrid, yet he looks more like a domestic dog or a rabbit. It's mainly his ears that cause the problems. Maybe give him more wolfish ears. Seriously vivz, what wolf or jackal looks like that?

------------------------------------

For this next entry, I shall perform my best Nicholas Cage impression. *ahem*

DM 2 : Most of the Party Dawgs

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

*cough * Anyways, now that I've finished my hyperbolic reaction to the party dawgs, let me single some out. Koko, Mint, and Raven. Koko (aka the purple one with purple clothes) literally looks like a clone of Mint (the green one). The only differences between the two are colours, hair being parted on opposite sides, and slight clothing difference. And let's be honest, Raven literally looks like another Jayjay. But hey, at least their colours don't make my eyes bleed.

Now onto the list proper.

--------------------------------------------------

5. Tom

Look, to anyone on this site who wants to know what I think of Tom, he's just meh. There's nothing really that special about him. Oh, you're a lonely demon? It's not like we have someone in the main cast like that already. Oh, you can be something of a charmer and attract a lot of ladies? Hi Zill! And Tom's design isn't helping his case. He looks like a recoloured Bozzwick or a genderbent Ink. There's nothing really creepy or strange about his appearance. You could argue that his eyes are strange, but plenty of other characters have strange eyes, and Tom's eyes aren't even the strangest. He doesn't look demon-y. He looks like another edgy teen. And yeah, I might be a hypocrite here because I love Damian's male human design, but in his case it's kind of funny. I mean, it's just amusing to me that someone like Dame (who is also the anti christ ) looks like a hot topic addict. It's just so weirdly fitting it's hilarious. Same can't really be said for Tom though. ....

-----------------------------

4. Styx, Tentadora, and Jillian.

Three way tie! Whooo! Okay, but in all seriousness, I put these guys here because they all suffer the same problems. They need some adjustments to their designs and a change in colour pallets. Go back to ch 3 of zoophobia, and look at how much these guys seem out of place in hell. These three characters become a major distraction as your eye is immediately drawn to them instead of whatever more important scene is going on. Give them a colour pallet that helps them blend in a little more. Jillian, I feel, since the poorer parts of Hell are have a more Western feel, should have a more Western influence since that's where she came from. Maybe give her boots or a bandana. around her neck. Styx needs the most change since he looks like a recoloured Damian. Take the ears and tail away. Perhaps give him a more Victorian influence while keeping Tenta's western influence to represent their clashing personalities. Maybe give Tenta a hat or apron to make her look more like a member of Hell's staff.

3. Elijah

Look, I know a lot of people love his design, but Eli's design bugs me on a couple levels. Why? Well, look at some of the other snake characters that take on a bi-pedal stance, such as Gustav, Quinton, the Max brothers, and Castello. You might notice something. ...slightly different autonomy wise. Look, I appreciate that Vivz is making some of her characters look vastly different than others, but in this circumstance. ...why? Why does Eli get to have a more snakey influence? Shouldn't he resemble Gustav since their both snakes? Why does Eli get to have a snake head, but none of the other snakes do? I know, Dollcreep came up with Eli's original design, but Dollcreep came up with Gustav's original design too. There, we had the same problem with heads we do here, so yeah, this reflects on Dollcreep as well for inconsistency. Besides, Vivz could've fixed this problem while redesigning Elijah. As for the colour pallet, while yes, pink and white are overused in Vivz's characters, I'd argue it makes sense here with Eli being albino. However, I'd make the colours on his face and in his hair lighter. Albinos can't really keep pigments in their skin and hair, so it'd be impossible for Eli to be as... covered in pink as he is. Unless he, for some reason, constantly dies his hair and paints squares on his face. That would actually be pretty funny.

Damian : Eli, you've been in the bathroom for 2 hours, what are you doing?

Eli: Putting pink squares all over my body. As normal people do.

Damian : But...why tho?

Eli: Aesthetic.

-----------------------------------------

2. Jayjay

AAAAAAAAAAAH! MY EYE-- yeah, I'm not doing that joke again.

Look, I liked Jay in the Die Young video. Her colours weren't as saturated and they worked well together. Everywhere else? Not only do her colours clash terribly against each other, with a few exceptions, her colour pallet is always so bright it's actually painful to look at for more than two seconds. Her design in Die Young was just fine. It communicated exactly what it needed to about Jayjay. Not to mention it used contrasting colours in a way that was nicer to look at. Lesson here kids? Jay doesn't need a loud design. She needs and effective design.

Also, any Dollcreep fans who try to come out of the woodwork to say shit along the lines of "Dollcreep did it sooooo much better "

....no he didn't. Get off my front porch, you wannabe edgelords. I'm the non straight edge Lord of social ineptitude here!

And number one goes to......

-----------------------------------

1. Whitney

.....you know, if I didn't already use the Nick Cage joke already, I'd be hamming the shit out of it rn.

Look, I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep this dude on the list, since unlike the others, I dunno if vivz is still using him, and I didn't want to go after a character she may have abandoned, BUT JESUS ALMIGHTY.

This design actually hurts my head when I look at it. Take everything I said about Jayjay and stick it here, except times 100! The colours are far too bright, and clash horribly. ..to quote my buddy, @imviotrash when they first saw him, "What even is Whitney? "

I'll leave so I don't need to look at this much longer, but as usual, tell me what you think!

I apologize for wasting your time.

-ATOUN

Ps. Let me know your favorite or least favorite zp designs! I'd love to see what others think!

[teacherintransition]

“Oh what a time it was and what a time it was; it was ... a time of innocence... a time of confidences”*

“... long ago it must be ... I have a photograph, hold on to memories... they’re all that’s left you...”*

We think time follows rules; strict and linear and precise... the truth is there are no rules: a moment can be a decade, a memory can immediately transport you back twenty years in a blink of an eye.

On January 6th, 2002 ... Fant Smart, my best friend was murdered ... I have never truly recovered... it’s been nineteen years, a few of us did a little writing about his place in our lives... thank you friends. Today the topic isn’t in question; for me, it’s a sacred day.... a day where time has no meaning... for this I’m glad. As I was contemplating how I would approach this, I was drawn to how unfathomable and meaningless the passage of time can be. I’ve known people for up to 50 years or more and many move in and out of my life like shadows passing through tall grass in the wind. I knew my friend from 1996-2002... in that short period of time we became close friends, good friends don’t need anymore time than that. In truth, my bond to Fant was cemented after only a couple of days as I’m inexorably drawn to eccentric, non conforming characters. But Fant was gentle and kind ... the only time I can recall him confronting someone in anger was when he confronted me over misplacing some photograph prints in his classroom. Even though I was getting the “chewing” I felt bad for him because he looked so damn uncomfortable being angry. A hour later, he came up to me and said, “hey, you know I found those prints, they were on my desk.” With an air of , “I told ya so,” I answered him with a snarky, “uh huh.” Fant looked embarrassed and said, “I guess half the story can be a dangerous thing, but not with friends huh?” We grinned at each and I replied, “...especially not with a couple of weird hippies like us.”

Fant Allison Smart was born in 1946 in East Texas. He and I taught together for six years which I think for him was sixteen years at his end. He was a songwriter, a traveler, a stone mason and about a dozen other things. To quote from an essay written by a friend of his in Goliad named Rocky trying to describe him on first sight,

“Most of our group were Children of the Sixties, and, try as some did to overwhelm their innate look of Child of a Small Town, one thing most of us didn’t sport—even those who lived and worked the ranch and farm—were cowboy duds.”

This fellow had a nice gingham shirt on, pressed and the pearl buttons all intact with the right about of luster. Wranglers and shined on kaboy boots, and a big kaboy hat on the bar in front of him. Well, to the side, really, since in front was a domestic beer.”**

Fant was a walking, talking conversation piece with all he did and said. Once we had a rented a beach house in Bolivar to celebrate the retirement of a colleague. Having just the right amount of “coldbeer,” (to Fant it was one word without the hint of a pause), I sat down beside him on the deck. He was wearing flip flops I noticed as he always wore the aforementioned kaboy boots, and I looked down aghast at the sight that on his left foot, his big toe was missing. I freaked, “SON OF A BITCH, DAMMIT, WHERE THE F*** IS YOUR TOE?” He barely looked up and giggled and said, “I guess somewhere in Nacogdoches county. I kicked a running mower when I was eight... off it went.” Still recovering from the sight, just seeing Fant’s feet was shocking enough as it appeared that any type of pedicure had never entered his mind, “SHIT! I’m sorry dude.” He winked at me, “don’t be... it kept me out of Vietnam.... hmmm, that might make a song.” It was always like that with Fant...

A victim of heart break and unrequited love, Fant could no doubt be the inspiration for any old school, wang tangy, heartbreaking country song. He didn’t wear it on his sleeve; the bits and pieces of his hurt would escape on FAC (Friday afternoon club), song lyrics, or cryptic emails delivered late, late Friday nights or early, early Saturday mornings.. it just depended on how much coldbeer we had consumed. His mysterious late night emails which often were song lyrics written in reverse and signed to the love of his life, “we should’ve done it different Tressie Ann” or “ in my heart you’ll be Tressie Ann;” was his gesture to let his friends all over the country know that he’d made it home safely...we could all rest with a clear mind. His emails and correspondence were signed with one of his two nom de plumes: J. K. Schwartz or Vance Mart. There is a memorial brick on the square in downtown Nacogdoches with J. K. Schwartz placed on it. What a guy, you getting the picture?

Once, Russell, Fant and I had cooked out and had drinks at Russell’s home. We told him, “you’re not getting out of here tonight... your staying here,” to which he acquiesced pretty easily. There was nothing small or quiet or anything done with finesse when it came to Fant, yet as surreptitiously as a ninja, that six foot, 275 pound bear of a man snuck out of the house. We waited viewing the computer, waiting for his email so that we’d know he made it home safe. 12:10 an email from J. K. Schwartz hit the inbox, we could go to sleep.

FAC, (wasn’t that what I was writing about before chasing a rabbit), was where the witticism flowed like wine ... often literally. One night at O’Malley’s, he had his lap top out which had no Internet service, and we spent the night drinking and typing to no one how our conversation would sound if spoken in an Irish accent. Two big guys with ponytails, drinking copious amounts of coldbeer, speaking like Irishmen, and rolling with laughter at how the conversation looked typed on his lap top and no one was getting hurt. Ahhh “shiny times” ... his term for the best of times...and that they were.

Self discipline has to come into play with this piece, for truth’s sake, I could write for hours. I laugh and I cry when I tell Fant stories even after nineteen years. I’ve mourned him three times the number of years I knew him. I saw him yesterday, I see him now...remember what I said about time having no rules? My biggest fear is that someone so kind, creative, affable, wise, eccentric, funny and human to might be forgotten. We are a poorer species without him, but fewer and fewer people know it. At Lufkin Middle School where we taught, the kids and I and Madeline Porter made a memorial sidewalk to honor Fant. On the day of dedication, it was rainy and gray. I had my guitar and some kids accompanied me as I sang two of Fant’s songs: “Would it Matter if I Misspelled Thermometer” and “We are the Standing People,”(which is a grace he said over Thanksgiving one year as if the tall trees were praying). So many of the staff has moved on (myself included) and all the students grown to adulthood, that I reckon no one even know who the sidewalk is for. It is unavoidable I suppose, but as Merlin said in L’Morte de Artur, “it is the doom of men that they forget.”

I’ll not forget ole Bean, Frijole Compadre ...I know I write about him this time every year ... and it may seem morbid to some; but I subscribe to the Druidic belief that no one really dies, we just change form and we can hold on to special characters if they aren’t allowed to be forgotten

Kaep in kickin' mah stoatin mukker Fant Alisson Smart... I’ll nae ferget ye

Nineteen years ago, I lost my best friend to a senseless act of violence. There has not been a day that I haven't thought of him ....and the days have never been the same. The world lost one of the kindest, creative, gentle, imaginative, idealistic human beings I have ever known.... and had the most fantastic sense of humor that was delivered with a keen and childlike wit. I have experienced loss since and will again .... but have never lost such a rare spirit. I wish I could play guitar with him again ... as I have never played as well since, I wish I could dig deep into the well of philosophical dialogue again.... as I have never visited such since... I wish I could revel in nonsensical humor with him again .... as nothing has struck me as funny since.... I wish I could have one more Friday afternoon club at Flashback as Friday afternoons have felt much more lonely since. No one I know has started a phrase with, " I've heard it said," since I met my friend ... and only the best stories could begin with such words . The world has not been the same since his ugly departure from this realm. I don't feel anger or vengeance .... just loss ... deep loss. I miss you old friend ...the world is somewhat more dim since you went away, but my life is the better for having known you.

“You don’t know what you had Tressie Ann”

*”Bookends” by Paul Simon

**”Where You Bean, Frijole Compadre, J. K. Swartz” ...Rocky and Rosemary.

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