#'i put money and hard work into maintaining it' ma'am no one else wants you to do that!!

[froggierboy]

time for my routine post about how living w my parents in adulthood is unlocking new levels of mental illness

[donutloverxo]

The donut mishap

Note - This is the first of my soft!reader series. I'll try to post them chronologically now on. Note that this is set in 2013. And a dear friend helped me out with this. Thanks a lot to her <3.

Summary - A quest of baking donuts brings you to the avengers tower. But what happens when your paths cross with the star spangled man?

Warnings - curse words, steves ptsd

Pairing - Steve Rogers x reader

Word count - 2.3k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

You squinted your eyes concentrating on putting just the right amount of pressure on the piping bag to get the perfect swirl of frosting on the cupcake. Your breathe hitched as a little air bubble appeared, aside from that it looked perfect. With a nice stiff peak.

You smiled looking over the cupcakes and donuts; over 12 hours of work. You felt like a proud mama.

When you started working at the Bakery, granted you only did so because you loved how cute their desserts looked but never could afford them, you thought you’d get to make money off of your love for baking.

Instead they stuck you in the back, doing books and maintaining accounts. Yeah you were going to grad school to be an accountant but it still wasn’t fair!

You never got to learn anything new about baking, or even try any delicious pastries. You just spent 4 hours everyday playing with the numbers.

And then you got a call from Linda, your boss. Panicking about how the head chef is sick and they have an order from the Avengers.

The Avengers were just a bit controversial. But for the most part everyone was grateful for them and looked up to them.

You can’t disappoint them. They’re superheros! Literal gods!

You didn’t really have much of an opinion on them. Except that the God of thunder from space made you all tingly sometimes.

You were just happy you got the chance to make such variety of desserts. Maybe now you could convince Linda to let you help out in the kitchen every now and then.

“You’re going to have to deliver them yourself.” Linda said looking them over and taking a small bite from the mint macaroon. “Take a taxi. Think you can handle it?” She handed you a hundred dollar bill.

There were only two boxes, one with the donuts and another with different assortments of patisseries. You accepted the bill and called for an Uber.

Normally the bakery doesn’t do delivery but when someone even mentioned Tony Starks name, Linda agreed to deliver, almost gave it away for free.

You made it to the tower in one piece. Glad to know that all the desserts seemed like they were doing alright in the boxes. You craned your neck up to look at the tower. Yet you couldn’t see the top.

You tried your best to be careful with the giant pink boxes in your hands muttering ‘excuse me' to anyone you may come across so as to not bump into them. You gently lay the boxes on the reception counter. Giving the brunette receptionist a huge warm smile.

“These are for Pepper Potts. Should I just leave them here...” You trailed off.

Looking around to see everyone dressed to the nines in sleek business formal clothes. You were wearing your pink dress with small red strawberries splattered all across it, it ended just below your knees, maybe not the perfect dress for the beginning of fall, or making a delivery for that matter. It made you feel self-conscious you tried your best to not think about how unprepared you must seem.

Which wasn’t entirely your fault. They were the ones that expected such a large order in under 12 hours.

“Alright ma'am you can go up and set them up.” She said hanging up the phone and giving you a visitors pass.

“Oh I...” You wanted to disagree. Ask for someone else to do it. You just KNEW you were going to mess it up.

But you couldn’t really say anything when she smiled “Thank you.” Probably in a way to shoo you off and deal with the person behind you.

You somehow made your way to the elevator, asking for directions twice, only it was too crowded and you were running out of time. “I’ll take the next one.” You said, although no one really seemed to care, they were either looking at their phones or chatting with each other.

A nervous smile painted on your face, so you could delude yourself into thinking everything is fine to calm your nerves. You couldn’t even afford to take your phone out of your sling bag to look at the time, not with your hands occupied.

After waiting for forever you were able to get into an elevator which was only occupied with a few people. Finally you were at your desired floor.

You were to take the boxes to conference room B12.

So you looked around, distracted. Your mother had always told you that your absent mindedness will one day come to bite you in the ass.

‘Try living in reality once in a while.’ She had said in such a condescending tone.

You huffed back then, thinking you were fine just the way you are. Until you bumped into what you thought was a brick wall, too distracted by the numbers and signs and twists and turns.

You quickly looked in front of you, when you felt the boxes you had held up collide with something. It wasn’t a wall, it was what looked like a human man. You tried to balance your feet stumbling back a bit before falling flat on your ass.

“Omph” You let out as you felt the cold hardwood floor sting your behind. Your precious donuts and desserts falling to the ground.

You looked at the ruins, how the frosting and sprinkles decorated the floor, taking it all in, asking yourself if this is a dream.

By the angle you were sitting in, you were sure the man could see your underwear, but you didn’t care. Because you were completely ruined.

You looked up at him, your lips quivering and your eyes glossy. “Why?” You asked as he stared at you completely dumbfounded, as if he had never seen a girl before.

Steve wanted to refuse right away. As soon as they said the words ‘honor’ and ‘appreciate’. A ceremony just to honor him and thank him for his service to his country.

He did try to convince Tony that he hated such things. To be the centre of attentions and plaster on a pageant smile for all the flashing cameras. That is not what he signed up for. His goal was never to get fame and recognition.

He ultimately had to relent. Because it was supposed to be an inspiration for others and to ‘boost morale’.

“Just flash your perfect pearly whites for a few hours, it’s really not that hard.” Tony said slapping Steve’s shoulder. As if they’ve been friends forever and he doesn’t take some kind of sick sadistic pleasure in watching Steve suffer.

They spoke of how brave he was, how even as a sickly kid he stood up for what was right. For his country.

Really he could tolerate all that. Even be grateful for it.

But his anxiety came back as they showed pictures from the wartimes, projected onto the white screen.

He’s a hero they said.

So brave.

Selfless and compassionate.

A man out of time.

Lies. Blatant lies. He was far from a hero. He knew that. But he realized the extent of it when he saw the pictures, some of them familiar to him, having happened just in front of him not so long ago, even if it had been decades for everyone else.

All of his brothers, his best friend died. Protecting their country. For their duty. They made the ultimate sacrifice and were more than happy to do so.

He recalled one commander saying how he would love to die serving his country. It would be his greatest accomplishment.

And here he was. Wearing a suit that he had no doubt cost thousands of dollars. Drinking expensive champagne, giving interviews, having his face on magazine covers. Taking pictures with his ‘fans'. Living the high life.

How the fuck was he a hero?!

He couldn’t look at the remaining pictures or listen to them. He tried to zone them out, tune out his anxiety and his guilt. To not let his mind go to those dark places, to linger on the past. Nothing good would come out of it.

He could still do good. Be good. Wash off his sins. If he kept trying and moving forward. If only it wasn’t so hard.

There was no such thing washing your sins off of you. No one can resolve their sins by simply confessing to them in church. Or counting thousands of hail marys. His hands and his soul will always be tainted with blood.

Somehow he got through the whole thing. He was about to run off the men’s room. To take a breathe and collect his thoughts.

Tony stopped him “What’s with your resting bitch face Rogers?” He snarked but was taken aback by the scowl he received “Fine go. Remember we have a meeting with the corporal.”

Which was what the whole ruse was all about. To appease the army. He was surprised at just how bad the whole world is, but he couldn’t even begin to comprehend the shitshow that the army had become.

He rubbed his face sprinting towards the balcony. To get some fresh air, be alone as long as he can before he has to go back to being Captain America.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t hear your footsteps, which his sensitive hearing really should’ve picked up on.

He turned the corner only bump into you. Making you fall on your ass.

“Why?” You gave him a look of betrayal as tears fell down your face. You wiped your cheek with the back of your hand kneeling and working on putting your desserts back in the box.

“Oh my god... ma’am I’m so sorry.” He apologized as soon as he registered what he had down. Crouching down before you to help you clean it up. But he doubted that you would be able to eat them.

“All my work.” You moaned looking up and meeting his eyes.

Your defeated face almost made him pull you into his arms. But it wouldn’t exactly be proper to do that to a stranger.

“Don’t call me ma'am!” You huffed as more tears escaped your eyes. “I’m not like 50!” You crossed your legs sitting on the floor and staring at your boxes.

“What should I call you then?” He asked his tone gentle and inquisitive. Truly curious to know what your name was.

“How about you call me nothing? You’ve done enough.” You frowned as you looked into his crystal blue hues. He was simply put beautiful.

You never thought that’s the adjective you’d use to describe a man, but that was all you could think of.

However his beauty didn’t excuse his actions. It certainly wouldn’t bring back the desserts you worked so hard on. So all you could do was be mad at him.

“I can pay for them.” He blurted out and then winced. You probably made them yourself. He can’t exactly replace them.

“It was the first time I truly baked. And now I’ll lose my job.” You sniffled tracing the frosting which was smeared on the floor with your finger. “And the Avengers will all go hungry...” You rambled your voice small. All you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry into a pillow.

You sneered at him as he chuckled. He immediately stopped pressing his lips into a straight line. “I doubt they’ll go hungry. I promise you won’t lose your job. No one has to know.” He reasoned. His plump rosy lips stretch into a smile, that must be worth at least a million dollars. His eyes creasing and yeah he really was beautiful.

You felt your anger resolving but decided to remain firm. To not let him work his charms on you. “They will call my boss when the delivery doesn’t arrive. And my boss will fire me!” You exclaimed spelling it out for him. Since he seemed to fit the stereotype of the dumb pretty blonde. Or was that exclusive to women?

“I can promise you no one will tell your boss.” He hesitated but then put his hand over yours in an effort to reassure you.

“What? How – how will you do that?” You asked getting more and more frustrated that he failed to understand just how grave this situation was for you.

“I uh... do have that kind of authority.” He said giving you a small nod. At least he could do some good with this ‘status' he held.

“Hm” You hummed still suspicious. But he was wearing a suit which looked expensive. His stance seemed that of someone who was powerful. His voice although soft held some stern undertones. “I – how do I believe you?” You asked and laughed at your misery as you realized you didn’t really have a choice.

Finally, pressing a palm on the floor you got up. Collecting your boxes. “It’s okay.” You sighed. “I guess I wasn’t really looking either. Whatever happens I’ll deal with it.” You said giving him a somber look.

“Uh – are you sure?” He stammered afraid he got you in trouble and couldn’t really do anything about it. Even more so that you were leaving and he’d probably never get to see you again.

“I’m not really a liar.” You shrugged as he stood up with you.

You didn’t have the opportunity to marvel at his tall stature, and how big he was compared to you. Or just big in general. You simple turned around your head hung low.

Only to look back at him over your shoulder. You tried to suppress a whimper, at just how hopeless you were, and asked “Which way is the elevator?”

Tags will be in the reblog! If you want in on the taglist click the link in the bio or shoot me an ask/dm.

Please note that my work is NOT to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

[skvaderarts]

Apocrypha Chapter Seven: Encounter

Masterlist can be found Here! Thanks!

Chapter Seven: Encounter

Note: Today's chapter is going to be a little shorter because 1) I'm tired and busy doing things with my family 2) I'm planning the beach arc (lol) and 3) because it's an intermission chapter. Things are going to really kick off after the beach arc. I'm having a blast working on the new parts of the story, so stay tuned for more to come in the future!

(-~-)

Capulet was far from a 24/7 city, the metropolis somehow managing to maintain a quiet village-like appeal despite being very populus. It had it's rougher areas that most well meaning people didn't venture into such as the docks and the factory district, and no self respecting citizen would be caught dead (or alive) near the street that the Devil May Cry office called home, but it was still a relatively peaceful place when demons weren't wandering up the streets in search of human blood. 

Despite this, or perhaps as a direct result of it, most places didn't stay open exceedingly late due to the suspicious activities that tended to occur at night that they could now confidently confirm was demonic in nature. People spoke in hushed tones about the shadows they jumped at in the dark as if speaking too loud would seal their citie's fate and it would instantaneously become the next Redgrave City. It was no secret that everyone in the region feared another large scale demon attack. After all, there had been three in the last two decades, four if they counted the Savior incident in Fortuna. Thankfully, the general public on the mainland didn't know much about what had happened that day, but there was one thing they did know. 

Each attack was worse than the last. 

And they were becoming more frequent.

In spite of it all, the bay area was still vibrant and full of life. They were cautious, but they refused to let the constant terror they lived in keep them down. There just wasn't as much of a nightlife scene as some would like. But things really came alive during the day. And this morning was no different. Certain places were a mecca of activity and the small coffee shop that Nico had just pulled up in front of was most certainly one of them. Even from inside of the van, the young gunsmith could see that there were at least a dozen people inside of the shop, although only a few were actually in line. Most were sitting at a table enjoying their meals and beverages or capitalizing on the free wifi. And she was here to join them. In all honesty, she couldn't remember the last time she had gone to a coffee shop. She didn't even really drink it that often at Nero's place. Kyrie was more of a tea person, so she tended to drink whatever they had on hand if she drank anything at all. For the first time in while, she was just going to relax and enjoy a hot drink in peace. 

Nico hopped down from her seat and closed the van door, turning her attention to the front entrance of the shop. The mist had transformed into actual rain, and she wasn't keen on being soaked all the way down to her underwear. As she hurried over towards the door, she made a mental note to acquire an umbrella and toss it into the back of the van at her earliest convenience. 

She slipped in behind someone who was exiting the building, ducking stealthiy behind them as they headed towards their car. As soon as the door closed and she turned towards the counter, a wave of warm, pleasant smelling air hit her. It was a combination of different coffees and a few baked treats that they kept behind the counter, cinnamon and spices hitting her square in the tastebuds. She was now woefully hungry and it showed. As she repressed the urge to allow a puddle of drool to form at her feet, she migrated over towards the line. There was only one person in front of her, which meant that she was in the express lane to receive a tasty treat. But how to pick one? bagels, cakes, cookies, crosaunts… it all looked delectable, and every moment she didn't have one sitting on a plate in front of her felt like an eternity of unfair punishment bestowed upon her by an angry god. She needed to correct that immediately.

"Ma'am, would you like to place an order?"

Nico glanced up at the barista and nodded in affirmation, somewhat distracted by the number of choices presented to her. At this juncture, she would settle for any regular coffee. But she was going to have a hard time picking one of these tasty desserts. The young smiled politely, seemingly amused by her lack of ability to pick.

"If I might interject, that blueberry pomegranate cheese danish is one of my favorites. I get it everytime I come here." A voice behind her said quietly. The deeper timbre was distinctly male in origin, and there was a certain melodious, almost somber, tint to their voice. They spoke as though they were putting a great amount of consideration or effort into something very minor, and she couldn't help but notice. This was mostly due to the fact that they were looming over her, although not standing overly close.

Before she could turn to face the individual in question, they stood up and faced the counter, handing the cashier an undisclosed amount of money before receiving a knowing look from the young woman running the register and reaching for a to go bag that was being handed to them from behind the counter. "One of these days you have to try something else on the menu! Seriously, you come in here like clockwork and always get the same thing. Doesn't that get old?"

"I enjoy the unpredictability of predictability," the hooded man said flatly, waiving off her attempt to pass him back his change and sparing a glance at Nico as she looked at him curiously," Please, keep the change. The young woman's order is on me. Thank you."

The young woman looked almost horrified, signaling to Nico that he had more than likely given her a sizable sum of money. The dark haired woman turned to confront him, taken totally off guard by his random act of generosity. "Um, thanks but I've got it covered. You don't gotta do that."

He nodded, turning towards the door with his order. He still hadn't taken the change. "Oh, I'm well aware of that. But I chose to. After I leave, you can choose to accept my offer or not. But why not benefit from the kindness of a stranger? It's not every day that I do something like this."

Before Nico could say anything further, the taller man slipped out of the front door, leaving her to make her decision. She considered going after him for a moment before going with her gut and staying put. Something told her that he was already long gone. She didn't even need to go over to the door and look. Nico spent enough time around abnormal people to be able to tell that sort of thing.

With a sigh, she shook her head briefly and then turned her attention back towards the counter. He made a valid point. Why turn down free food? "You know what? Sure, whatever! I'll take whatever that guy that just left had. For here, though. I'm not going back out there for a while. It's warm in here."

(-~-)

Magnolia jotted down a final set of notes before closing the notepad that she held in her hands and setting it down on the table in front of her, taking the opportunity to eat a fork full of tiramisu. She spared a glance towards V who was quietly doing the same. They were only mid way through their conversation, but she felt that she understood him leagues better than she had before he had arrived. While he had presented himself as a sort of closed book type at first, she was gradually realizing that he actually had quite a bit of rich internal dialogue that was just beneath the surface, ready to be shared if given the opportunity. He answered when spoken to and never gave her a hard time about any of the questions she'd asked him, most being cursory medical questions. But she felt it was time to change the subject. The last thing she wanted was for this visit to turn into something clinical and strenuous. While much of what he'd told her had been intriguing and she'd have to look into it after he left, she didn't want to overwhelm him. After all, he had to leave here with the desire to return at a later date.

"So, enough of that, then. Tell me a little bit more about yourself," She said as she reached for her glass of tea. She needed to wash down her snack." Do you have any hobbies or passions? Anything pique your interest at all? You seem like the intellectual sort, after all."

V shifted slightly, his prolonged sitting session starting to take a toll on his uncooperative back. "Not anymore. At least not of late."

The botanist gave him a curious look, sitting back in her seat and folding her arms. "What did you used to do? You can't expect me to believe that you don't possess any sort of talent at all, now can you?"

An almost impresevable smile slowly snuck it's way across V's face for a brief moment as he tilted his head to the side, the young summoner reminiscing on one of the few pleasant memories he had clung to all this time. "... I used to be instrumentally inclined when I was younger. At one point…" V trailed off for a second, seemingly second guessing his decision to share this sort of information with her,"... Are you going to-" Magnolia shook her head, already knowing what he was probably going to say. She gave him a playful shove, not so much trying to push him as she was trying playing with him. "Oh, hush now. You're not that old! Nothing you say leaves this house. We've all done silly things in our youth. Nothing to fear, dear."

V slumped slightly as he glanced in the opposite direction. He looked almost embarrassed. He glanced at her for a moment before breaking eye contact again. prefering to stare out of the open window just to the side of her. "I played the violin for a long time and wrote poetry. For a while I restored books as a hobby and..." He glanced down, very clearly flushing slightly as he tried to force himself to say whatever was on his mind,"... I was talked into dance lessons for a year or so by someone I knew at the time. I'm told I was… decent..."

The middle aged alchemist nearly choked on her tea as V let slip his secret shame, repressing the urge to giggle imaturely and go wide eyed. He was quite the multi talented young man, wasn't he? The idea of him dancing was supremely entertaining to her and she made a mental note to try and talk him into giving her a demo sometime in the near future. 

"I take back everything I said. You are old," She said with a pleasant laugh, nodding in approval," If I might, I'd like to pass your contact information along to a colleague. Book restoration is actually quite the useful skill in my trade. I know some people who would pay quite the hefty sum for your assistance."

He considered her offer for a moment before nodding. Yes, that seemed agreeable enough to him. "I can't make any promises. It's been some time since I've worked on anything."

Magnolia smiled, picking up her notepad again and flipping it open to jot down a few notes. This had been an eye opening conversation. "I wouldn't expect you to, dear," She said simply as she scribbled something down on her notepad," But I'd absolutely love to hear you play the violin sometime. I bet you're quite good at it."

V pales, the flush in his cheeks fleeing him like courage in the mists of battle. "Again, I make no promises…"

She stood up and walked towards the kitchen, intent on grabbing something else before they continued. She gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder before proceeding, hoping to calm his nerves. Although he seemed calm and collected, it didn't take a genius to see that he was flustered. "Just keep being you, dear. That's all I ask of you."

(-~-)

Thanks for checking out this chapter! The beach trip is nearly upon us, and I can't wait to hear from you all again! Have fun and stay safe!

[dear-indies]

Evolution (2001) Quotes! - trigger warnings: nsfw, swearing, gun, and military mentions.

Inspired by @syfyhq​!

"Despite all the warnings."

"Bad move."

"It's showtime."

"Don't worry, ma'am! I'm here to save you!"

"Keep those people back! This is an emergency!"

"Though it may be hard to believe a single biology professor..."

"As you can see, there was a shocking statistical anomaly."

"Congratulate yourselves. I have a good feeling about this group."

"There seems to be a mistake here."

"A meteor? Where?"

"Wouldn't you prefer a different profession?"

"Actually, what I want to be is Miss Arizona."

"Ready for lunch?"

"Let me grab my stuff."

"A meteor hit last night."

"I'm taking you in case I have to do something scientific."

"I signed up over the Internet."

"That's my baby. Take it easy."

"So I'd appreciate it if you'd let me go."

"Now that's a hole!"

"I believe we've located the target."

"Look at these jackasses."

"Muscle pose. Give me big smiles! Looking good."

"At ease, gentlemen! The feds are here."

"Let's not get combative."

"We're just here to get some scientific samples. If that's okay."

"It just hit last night and it has stuff growing on it."

"Let's get a sample and get out of here."

"Let's bag it."

"Your résumé will shine."

"The meteor samples are teeming with one-celled organisms."

"Their metabolic rates are off the charts."

"They're dividing at an incredible rate. Almost exponential."

"Their DNA has ten base pairs."

"The DNA of all earth life has only four base pairs."

"...these are organisms from another world."

"They're aliens."

"I'm not. I'm concerned about the potential tax consequences."

"If we want to be big important scientists, you have to act the part."

"It's like they're evolving."

"It's evolution."

"But it's million years worth in just a few hours."

"At least you have the pool gig at the country club."

"Wear your protective gloves at all times."

"We came to pick up the rock."

"It's very technical."

"I know these look like mushrooms, but refrain from eating them."

"It's the game we play, baby."

"It's converting the atmosphere."

"Look at all this rudimentary plant life. It's amazing."

"Not to get all girly here, but I feel something wiggling around my toes."

"Flatworms."

"Come here, little buddy."

"The oxygen must have killed it."

"It must need its own atmosphere to live."

"Grab a specimen jar. We'll scoop some atmosphere in there with them."

"It took us two billion years to do what they did in a couple of days."

"Those germs are the embodiment of the American dream."

"It's mitosis. That's how they reproduce."

"We call no one, we tell no one. This is our secret."

"What about the government? They usually get involved."

"This is our discovery. We must maintain absolute control."

"We have to do more research and check our findings. Document everything."

"You know what to do with the towels because you're the pool boy."

"Not anymore. You're not on the list."

"White man doesn't like to be yelled at."

"Get his gun!"

"All this time I thought you were just a schoolteacher."

"You should've known better than to keep something this big from us."

"I'd heard about your recklessness but you are way out of line on this one."

"Nice to meet you, too."

"You son of a bitch."

"We've already secured the area."

"Did you catch that condescending tone?"

"You're a disgrace, and a dangerous one at that."

"Forget the foreplay. We just got screwed."

"I don't care who they are. Stealing is stealing!"

"They took the rock, the samples, all the little wormy critters."

"All the data's gone. The JPEG files, the DNA sequences. They cleaned us out."

"I'm calling the cops."

"They are the cops!"

"Let me ask you something."

"The penalty for impersonating an officer is five years in prison."

"Testing, one, two."

"I don't have anything on my schedule."

"Our little babies are growing up."

"Three weeks, it's already like a rain forest in here."

"That tree just ate it."

"Everything here seems to be food for something else, so let's stay off the menu."

"Come here, look at these little things."

"Yeah. Snag one and put it in the bucket."

"Don't be scared. We came for a specimen, now snag one."

"Come on, my little red lobster."

"Come on, my sexy little crustacean."

" Let's bag that and get the hell out of here."

"The fly! There's a fly in my suit!"

"I'll get the lubricant."

"There's always time for lubricant!"

"Ice cream. I'd like an ice cream, please."

"I'm thinking seriously about moving. Maybe to California. Start over."

"You know how many times I've flunked in my life?"

"Damn it! That's going to stain."

"Something just ate Barry Cartwright!"

"Thank you for not calling the cops."

"What's in the bag, your blow-up doll?"

"No. I've got something you're really going to like."

"A guy got killed at my country club last night."

"It was an animal attack."

"It's like nothing I ever saw before. I thought you guys might want to see it."

"You have a serious bug problem."

"When did you guys get a dog?"

"I don't think that's a dog. It's like some kind of rodent."

"Come on, cutie pie."

"What the hell is that thing?"

"Pick me up in an hour. No, two."

"Two single beds, please. We're fighting."

"They're adapting. We have got to shut it down."

"You're overreacting. We can handle this."

"I used to be arrogant like you."

"We have to kill these things while we still can."

"All right. I'll talk to him, but I can't promise anything."

"Why the police escort? You're not under arrest, are you?"

"You'll take care of the check, right?"

"You have to admit, this animal attack has kind of an ominous feel, doesn't it?"

"This entire area is just a honeycomb of caves and old mine shafts."

"It's flying away. Is that a bad thing?"

"You know how I hate shopping."

"I think that colour is great on you."

"Ladies, there's a flying extraterrestrial in the store. Can we focus?"

"I said, just a second, bitch."

"Here, birdy-birdy-birdy-birdy-birdy!"

"If I was a giant, nasty alien bird in a department store, where would I be?"

"I think we've established that "ca-caw" and "tookie-tookie" don't work."

"Please stop. You are embarrassing me."

"Sing. Rub some funk on it."

"Can someone tell me why I was not informed..."

"Right now, media vultures are camped outside my office."

"The red markings indicate the growth of the alien ecosystem."

"In two months, the United States officially belongs to them."

"And we are extinct."

"Admit it. You're glad to see us."

"We just blew a giant alien bird out of a store."

"We're covering up your mess."

"Disseminating the alien organisms outside the secured area."

"My state is being overrun by aliens."

"My plan is to evacuate everyone from within five miles of the perimeter."

"...then burn the alien menace the hell out of there."

"With napalm. Lots and lots of napalm."

"All this talk about napalm and burning makes me nervous."

"Sir, one of the creatures just destroyed video four."

"They've evolved into primates."

"All the monitors are down."

"The fuzzy no-nose chimp?"

"They're coming through the elevator!"

"Hold your fire. You'll get someone killed."

"Science project is over."

"The real money's in the private sector."

"This may not be the best time to be drinking."

"You can trust me. Just talk to me."

"Some of the original liquid material from inside the meteor."

"Why hasn't it evolved like the rest?"

"Being in an airtight case, nothing to metabolise with. But we've still no clue."

"The organisms were dormant in space. They hit Earth's atmosphere and bam!"

"Heat. Fire. That's the catalyst."

"So much for the military option."

"We're going to blow those creatures straight to hell."

"Oh, really? Well, unfortunately, I'm not available."

"Thought you could use a brew so you can mellow out."

"Have a beer, relax. It'll help with your research."

"I'm looking at the periodic table on your T-shirt. I'm seeing a pattern."

" We are a carbon-based life form."

" But the aliens are nitrogen-based, right?"

"Selenium. How much do we need?"

"I hate to be a buzzkill, but where will we get that?"

"Head & Shoulders."

"Yeah, that's the stuff. The active ingredient is selenium sulphide."

" We'll get the troops together. We're getting shampoo!"

"There's something I should tell you, but I don't know exactly how."

"Let's shampoo us some aliens!"

" Where are you, my little aliens?"

"We've no time for you to act like you know what you're doing."

"I'll take a pair of spy glasses and a hot chocolate."

" Run for your life!"

"Survival of the fittest. Often, the simplest organism is the strongest."

"It's getting ready to divide."

"Wait. There's going to be more of these things?"

"So that Head & Shoulders idea. Is that still the plan?"

"We have to find a point of attack."

"It's payback time!"

"Give me back my friend, you big sphincter!"

"Fighting the alien menace can be tough work."

[neviahofflame]

Lyra’s Luck: The Price of Greed pt. 1

Note: This is unedited, and is part 1 of 3.

    When Lyra worked in retail, she learned signs of "Bad Day Incoming".  The signs were different now that she ran her own business, but she still knew them.  Walking into the front room of her office to find a middle-aged woman tapping her foot was one; admittedly one shared with retail, so it instinctively triggered a shudder.  Devi being nowhere in sight was another, newer sign.

    "Finally!  That girl just bolted out of the room and left me waiting.  It certainly isn't a good impression of a business, when the secretary refuses to even speak with a customer."

    Lyra forced her face back into what she called her "retail smile", meaning a polite smile without showing how much she wanted to light the woman on fire.  "Allow me a moment to check on her."

    The woman scowled.  "I've been waiting!"

    Lyra paused at the door leading to the conference room and kitchen.  She owned this business.  She didn't have to be spoken to like this.  "Well, you can continue waiting, or you can get out.  I don't care."

    She left the woman spluttering in the front room, more concerned about Devi.  She found her missing coworker standing over the kitchen sink, knuckles white from clenching the counter.  Her sunglasses were still firmly on her face, but Lyra could see fangs among Devi's clenched teeth.

    "Is she still out there?"  It was hard to make out, since Devi didn't open her teeth to say the words, but Lyra was getting used to listening carefully.

    "Maybe?  I wasn't terribly polite, so she might have left.  Care to share what's happening?"  Lyra couldn't *see* anything, but the air around Devi was uncomfortably warm, so she edged toward the coffee maker.

    Devi was quiet, and Lyra could see her throat working, so she wasn't surprised when Devi finally managed to whisper "Deri".  Lyra stayed silent, measuring coffee grounds into the machine and making a mental note to thank Devi for filling the pot with water before this problem occurred.

    Several moments passed as Lyra watched the coffee brew and Devi wrestled with her instinctive protection of her sister and the agreement she and Deri both made with Lyra.  When she cleared her throat, Lyra looked over to find that Devi had shifted to face her.

    "That woman is human, sort of.  Maybe it is better to say she once was.  There is evil clinging to her, and it called to my nature as well as Deri's."

    Lyra nodded at the explanation.  "Deri agreed when we started this that she wouldn't just smite people for coming to the office.  We both know the evil might be an outside force the woman is looking to us for help with."

    Devi hesitated.  "It is possible, but without spending more time around her, I can't get any further information.  I will remind Deri of her agreement, however."

    "Awesome." Lyra grinned and poured herself a cup of coffee, ignoring Devi's disgusted grimace.  It was mostly a joke; while Devi couldn't stand the taste of coffee, she was as much of a caffeine addict as Lyra was, and she still filled the pot for Lyra.  "All right, should we see if I managed to be rude enough to get rid of a potential customer?"

    Devi sighed, but followed Lyra as she headed back to the front room, head held high and confidence in her step.  The woman was still waiting, face red with rage.  Lyra found she wasn't terribly surprised; the woman either needed their help, or really got her jollies screaming at people.

    "How dare you treat me like this?  I am a paying customer-"

    "You aren't, though.  You might be later, but you aren't yet, since no money has exchanged hands." Lyra interrupted, a bright smile plastered on her face as she sat in the "interview" area.

    Devi sighed again, but brought Lyra a notebook and pen.  Lyra would be lost entirely without Devi, and she should really work to keep people using their business so she could pay Devi what she deserved.  To be fair, Lyra might not ever be able to make enough to pay Devi what she deserved.

    "I want to speak with the owner." The woman's face was almost purple, and Lyra was sort of concerned for her health.  More for the trouble it would cause the office, but still, it was worry.

    Devi disappeared into the back rooms again as Lyra sipped her coffee and decided how she wanted to respond.  "I am the owner.  Lyra Ballotti, at your service, if the price is right."  She said firmly, letting her smile drop.  "You have two choices, ma'am; sit down and talk to me about why you're here, or leave."

    She had a feeling the woman would sit.  People didn't seek out the services Lyra and Devi provided unless it was a last resort, since most people liked to believe nothing went bump in the night.  Lyra had been one of those people, once.  She wouldn't go back if she could help it, but she could understand why others would want to.

    "I do hope you will reprimand that girl for leaving a customer unattended." The woman grumbled as she sat.

    "I'll thank you to speak of my partner with more respect, ma'am." Lyra said, making sure her voice was cold.  She wouldn't be like her former supervisors, bending over and berating employees for bullshit complaints.  "Now, what brought you to us?"

    The woman scowled, but settled back in the visitor's chair.  "There is a demon terrorizing my home and business."

    Lyra sipped her coffee once more, then set it on the coffee table between herself and the woman.  She flipped the notebook open to a blank page and wrote "demon?" on the third line.  "Okay, I have a few questions."

    "I should hope so." Lyra forced herself to keep her face blank, despite wanting to throw the woman out.  It was possible the woman was only so pissy because of the suffering she'd endured.  Lyra doubted it, but still.

    "How about we start with a name?" Lyra suggested.

    "How should I know what its name is?" The woman demanded.

    "I meant your name, of course." Lyra said smoothly, smiling at the woman.

    The woman's face reddened again.  "Caroline Devitt."

    Lyra wrote that on the first line.  "You said the entity was terrorizing your home and business.  How distant are these locations from each other?"

    "I said it was a demon, girl.  You need to listen." Devitt answered.

    Lyra looked up from her notebook and stared at Caroline Devitt until her face flushed further.  "I know what you said, and we'll get to why you believe it is a demon later.  Now.  Your home and business?"

    Devitt shifted in her seat.  "They are the same location.  I run a bed and breakfast in the lower two levels of my home.  A Mother's Touch, though I doubt you have heard of it."  The sniff following her words made it clear Devitt didn't believe Lyra even knew what a bed and breakfast was.

    Lyra, just glad she didn't have to drag the name of the business from Devitt, wrote everything down on the second line.  "All right.  Please describe the occurrences you've experienced."

    "Oh, it's awful.  I have had to replace every piece of linen in the house twice due to bloodstains.  It writes horrible messages on my walls, and has been encouraging my children to endanger themselves.  Four guests have checked out early, citing horrible visions." Devitt recounted, and Lyra found herself surprised that the woman sounded frustrated, not terrified.  That was unusual, in Lyra's experience.

    "How many children do you have, and what has it encouraged them to do?" Children meant they were taking the case, no matter Lyra's dislike of Devitt.  Even Devi, horrified at the prospect of caring for children, wouldn't leave them in a dangerous situation.

    "Just Carol and Ben, my darlings.  Carol says it whispers that she should hide knives and other dangerous objects in her room.  It has apparently been telling Ben to run away from home." Devitt's face darkened as she answered, which was a more expected behavior per Lyra's experience.

    "That is concerning." Lyra said.  "Do you have any guests at the moment?  Anyone else in the home?"

    "There are currently two couples staying with me.  I have another reservation for four scheduled for the weekend."  Lyra glanced at the calender Devi had put up after the walls were painted.  It was currently Tuesday.  "I really need this demon gone."

    "Well, as long as pricing works for you, we'll take the case.  Let me get Devi to go over our fees so that I may begin researching."  Lyra pushed herself to her feet, one hand firmly holding the notebook while the other snagged her coffee.

    "Since it seems most active at night, you should probably stay at my home while investigating." There was something about Devitt's tone of voice and the way she wouldn't meet Lyra's eyes that concerned Lyra.  But she'd already said they would take the case, so she shrugged it off.

    "I leave Devi to finalize the details, but that does sound logical."  Lyra walked away, headed for the back room they'd turned into a library.  Devi was usually there, if not at her desk in front.

    Devi was in the library, writing furiously in a blue notebook.  Lyra didn't understand Devi and Deri's situation at all, but she did recognize the notebook as the one method of communication the sisters had, so she waited for Devi to notice her.  She took no insult when Devi slammed the notebook shut once she had noticed she wasn't alone; Lyra could only imagine how hard it had been for Devi to maintain her privacy.

    "What have you decided?" Devi asked, eyes on the notebook in Lyra's hands.

    "If she's willing to pay, we'll take it.  She has kids that it's targeting, Devi." She added at Devi's grimace.  "Will you go talk pricing with her while I start some research?"

    "All right.  Just know that I don't like this." Devi pushed herself to her feet.  "Her name?"

    "Caroline Devitt." Lyra answered.  "And your discontent is filed under 'of utmost importance, but we still have to eat.'"

    Devi chuckled softly before putting the blue notebook in the top left drawer of their single desk.  She locked the drawer, pocketed the key, then left the room.  Lyra sat in the chair and regarded the drawer.

    She wanted to know; she really and truly did.  She wouldn't betray Devi's trust to satisfy curiosity, however.  Physically turning the chair to face away from temptation, she then stood to grab books.

    Their library was probably the most impressive part of the office, not that clients saw it.  Lyra didn't know, and didn't intend to ask, where Devi found these books, but they were incredible.

    Most were written in English, though Lyra had heard Devi mutter about mistranslations, so she could look into the beings and entities they could encounter in their business.  There was an entire shelf of books Devi was slowly translating for Lyra as well, which Lyra greatly appreciated.  The covers for all of the books varied in design from dizzying occult patterns to splotches that Lyra desperately hoped weren't blood.  She didn't kid herself about the books on the translation shelf, though; those were definitely blood splotches; since some of those books were bound in skin.  Not human skin, she hoped, but skin nonetheless.

    Lyra headed straight for the books on ghosts and hauntings.  Everything Devitt told her sounded spot on for ghost hauntings.  She selected a couple on malicious ghosts, then stopped before the books on demons.  She grabbed one with a title she couldn't read, though Devi had helpfully put a post-it note on the spine translating the title to "When Demons Interact With Children".  It couldn't hurt, after all, to research demons too.

    Devi found Lyra an hour later, feet up on her chair so that her knees formed a natural resting spot for the books she was nose-nearly-to-page reading.  Lyra didn't even notice her until Devi's fingers grasped the edge of the book and gently tugged it away.

    "Oh, hey.  How'd it go?" Lyra yawned, pushing her palms against her eyes.

    "She agreed to the fees, and I have the address of A Mother's Touch." Devi set the book onto the desk with the others.  "When Demons Interact With Children?"

    "Devitt is concerned it's a demon, even with all the evidence pointing to a ghost.  Figured it couldn't hurt to research all possibilities." Lyra snagged the book back from the desk.  "This is fascinating, by the way."

    "'Fascinating' isn't typically the description I hear of these books."  Devi responded, an odd look on her face.

    Lyra floundered for a moment, unsure how to read the look on Devi's face.  "Well, whoever you've talked to about these books before are wrong." She hesitated, but it seemed important, so she added "My life would be so boring without you, Devi.  I wouldn't change meeting you and Deri for anything."

    Devi smiled, then grabbed Lyra's notebook from where it had been abandoned on the desk.  "I'll help research, then we'll get an early night, since we're expected at A Mother's Touch tomorrow at eight."

    Lyra groaned, making Devi laugh as she skimmed Lyra's notes.  She took a few other volumes from the shelves, propped the door to the front open in case anyone else entered the shop, then joined Lyra in research.

[topicprinter]

Mad because your users keep clicking on that submit button three times a second? Or because they're calling in bugs while they're not using your product correctly?You are responsible for your product and how it's used, not the users. One of the best things about being a developer is that you can create. In order to bring your ideas to life, you ramble on some keys and watch how they turn into screens, functionality, business rules, and hopefully; pure value.In my 16+ years as a developer, I've listened to a lot of developers, makers, and entrepreneurs that complained that their app was being misused, how the user doesn't get it, or how users are causing all kinds of bugs. But to be honest, we as makers need to take responsibility for what we make.This article will show you 5 ways to take control of the product creation process so you don't have to blame the users for doing things wrong. It's time to stop pointing fingers, and take responsibility.TL;DRWith creation comes responsibility. Take responsibility and don't blame your users for crashing your solution or showing you its bugs.A Magical AnalogyImagine there is this magical place, a magical forest if you will. It is packed with beautiful things like rainbows, unicorns, and stuff. But as with any place, unpleasant things lurk there as well. Poison plants that can make you sick for days, and little flesh-eating beings that smell fear and can throw themselves at you.You are called The Wise One by people near the forest since they know you created the magical forest many centuries ago, and know everything about the magical forest and the creatures and plants that reside there.People come to you for when they need something to help their sick kid to get well and know that you can get the medicine from the magical forest. When someone went to the forest and got attacked by a vile creature you are the first one that will be notified by the small unichipmunks that live in the trees about such an event.Now replace "magical forest" with your application and magical things with useful features.Can you guess what the evil things are?Yup, it's those bugs that crawled in your product. And inconsistencies in your interface. And those assumptions about users, their needs and behavior that you neglected while building your product...You are Responsible; Act AccordinglyYes Ma'am / Sir, YOU, the creator, are fully responsible. When you create something and people have accepted your creation in their lives, you become responsible for what you've created.This counts even more so for applications that you are charging hard-earned money for.When people purchase something from you, its because they expect value from it (or they just wanna donate to you, mostly value is the reason). They also expect that you, the creator, provide value to them by giving support.One of the most frequent sounds that you'll hear from people who built a product is that support becomes a huge part of their time spending after they launched a product that starts getting traction.Some of the most common reasons why people need support (based on personal experience on implemented solutions):Users don't understand the functionality and/or interfaceThe app contains bugs that prevent users from using it properlyThe app doesn't take into account actual user behavior (IX) and throws off users that are using your appWhen you've put a lot of work into a product, you hopefully are proud of what you've created. And it sucks when people are negative about it.Even worse, if you know that your product works but your user refuses to operate it as designed and wants to do things differently, that can be a frustrating moment. But it DOES mean that your product is off somehow.So don't take grudge out on your users. They are the valuable input source that resonates with whatever product you've built. And their input and feedback is the pure gold in product development countryHow To Take Control?Let's find out about five ways that will help you to get in control of how your app is anticipated and used by your (future) users.1. Talk With People 🗣The uttermost efficiënt way to get in control of your users and minimize the delta between assumptions, expectations, and reality is...Talk. With. Your. Potential. Users.Not to. But with them. Converse. Engage and discuss. It's that simple. It isn't easy, but it IS simple. You need to get out and gain insights from talking to users.First off, talk about people's struggles and daily issues. Check if their pain points are related to the solution that you have in mind. And find out how they are coping with those issues now and here, where your solution isn't around (yet). The sooner you get feedback without biassing your users, the cheaper it will be to change things and finetune your solution's angle2. Verify Your Idea 🐒After you've been interviewing and researching the problem, you probably have a heads-over idea of how the solution is going to operate.After you've been interviewing and researching the problem, you probably have a heads-over idea of how the solution is going to operate. In order to take responsibility, you need to find out if your solution is the right solution for your users.At this time, where you've probably put together your idea - whether it be as wireframes, sketches on paper or an interactive Mockup - you can take your solution for a test drive. No code involved yet, so testing this and noting what people think is missing, weird or not clear is useful as heck for your solution. This will help you to understand if your solution fits the need of your (potential) users.If you can somehow record, register or at least note what was tested and how it was done, you are letting users perform monkey testing for you. By writing down how things are reproducible, you can fix these issues by creating a new version with updates or added (or removed) functionality.Key to make this a success is to instruct people that are going to test your product that they need to keep in mind what they did and give them a construct on how to register their findings.Not surprisingly, automated (AI) monkeys are emerging as online services as well. See Monkeytest.it if you'd like to run a free monkey test.3. Cover Common Usability Issues ✅Once you've established a nice functional prototype (you're not done, but using the 80/20 rule, you've got a stable version) you are probably going to start creating your MVP or a prototype of your application.When you do so, the last thing to take into account is the most common user interactions that lead to issues and problems. This comes down to implementing best practice stuff like: - input checks - self-explanatory screen setups - guidance user-interface elements - consistency between labels, buttons, etc.I won't be listing the best practices here as the internet is bloated with useful content regarding them. Just Google for "common usability issues" and you'll get a nice list.Just stop getting mad at users because they're clicking that button two (or ten) times in a few nanoseconds. It's human nature to do things like that. Stop freaking out about it!4. Test Your Solution 🕵🏻‍♂️Test Driven Development (TDD in short) and Business Driven Development (BDD) are techniques that have increasingly become popular in the last decade.By defining tests that orchestrate how your app should work (TDD), or by even writing down business rules and defining the tests beneath them that enable those rules (BDD), you can make sure that your app's code functions properly.When you're working on fixing bugs, building in some of the user's feature requests that you decided to be of value for your product, you can be in control by writing tests that will focus on those things.ie: Someone reports an issue and the origin seems to lie in the fact that the user is able to get past a validation that is necessary for your app to function correctly.You fix this by: - writing the appropriate test(s) - changing the code to make all tests go green and fix the issue - you deploy to productionTest Strategy In its simplest form, defining a valuable test strategy isn't really that hard. But you need to do it the right way, else it is just a farce that implies you're improving quality while it doesn't cut it.I've been a systems test coordinator for a Dutch bank besides being a developer in their IT department. There, I learned the ropes on setting up test strategies, and there are two things that define 90% of it:the highest risk areas need the most/best testing effortthe aspects of the subject under test that matter most help defining how testing is setupRisk AnalysesThis is all based on the following formula:Risk = Likelihood x Impactie: Twitter-based sign-in functionality on your login page might not be used all that often. So the estimation for the likelihood could be low or medium. But if it doesn't work chances are that people are leaving your app and start ranting on Twitter about it. Thus this would make the impact have a value high.Take a look at a common risk matrix:According to our estimation, the Twitter sign-in functionality would be placed in the top center area of the matrix, making it a high priority.If you do this for all the aspects like functional parts, business rules, etc. you get a nice overview of where your priorities should be at.Quality AttributesThere are lists of quality attributes available online (like this one on Wikipedia) that can help you decide what aspects are most important for your product.ie: Your online blogging platform might be valuing security, maintainability, localizability, and durability as the most important aspects. If so, you can work on setting up tests that make sure that those aspects are working correctly. Think of security testing sets, unit tests for everything that's medium priority or above on the risk matrix to support maintainability. Or tests like load tests to test if your solution is durable when 10000 users will use it in a single hour.Discussing testing on its own goes beyond the scope of this article, but you can find out more about these things by Googling. With the two concepts of risk analyses and quality attributes you at least know about some basic concepts that can help you take control of both your app's functioning and quality.5. Make Giving Feedback Easy 🤗In order to prevent people from raving around the internet about how awful your app is, you need to be open for feedback.You need to open up both in a personal and a technical sense.Personally Accepting FeedbackAccept that people will always have remarks, misunderstandings, issues, and bugs. And thank them for wanting to ventilate those to you.Ignore the input that is vile and disturbing or downright a-social and focus on real user feedback and constructive responses.If you have a mindset that appreciates feedback people can truly open up you will be amazed at what you can learn from it.Technically Making Feedback easyWhere it used to be all email-based feedback, the internet nowadays provides some awesome technical ways for lowering the barrier between product makers and product users.Chat functionality The quickest technical way to open up for users is to integrate chat functionality like Tawk.to, PureChat, etc. They provide widgets that you can add to your site and that lets users leave a message or interact with you when you are online. Realtime chatting can be a true win-win situation if you can afford to take some time for short interaction cycles with the users of your product.If you want a more formal way of interacting you could use service desk enabling solutions that let people send in issues on their own.Service desk tools Bigger businesses might use service desk tooling and issue tracking software to register issues and bugs. Think Jira, Zoho Desk, just to name a few. Or get an open-source variant for free like Bugzilla.Feature request & voting By letting your users register feature requests and lobbying for them amongst your users, you can have a community-orchestrated feedback mechanism that can show you what features are considered most important. By enabling services like Microsoft's Uservoice or a free (custom hostable) open-source variant Fider, you can let your users add feature requests on which other people can vote and respond. I've seen some amazing feedback from​ users to parties like Microsoft. It also prevents that you have to answer the same requests over and over again, thus lowering the effort needed from your side.There you have it. Three technical ways of opening up to your users and embracing their feedback.Please note that simpler solutions like chatting might be interesting from the get-go, whereas more formal interaction like bug reporting and feature requests are probably more suitable when your user base is going past the tens of users range.Embrace your user's feedback. It will make you smarter, more humble, and help you to aim for the right problem at the right angleTo ConcludeIn this article, I've shown you several ways and moments of the product development cycle where you can take control of any abuse, misusage, misunderstanding or plain pestering that you might experience from what appears a user taking down your beautiful product.The five ways to take responsibility for your product as mentioned in this article are:By talking with (potential) users early on, you can check if your idea will form a proper solution to a problem / a need to a wantBy monkey testing your sketches, wireframes or mockup you can find out about the biggest roadblocks and learn from the people that are checking out your solution early onA lot of common problems have been thoroughly documented online. Check out about the most common user interaction issues and make sure you have your answer to those implemented in your solution. This is a quick win that will save you a lot of worries when you consider them while building your prototype or MVP versionWhen you have a usable version available, enabling interaction and providing guided means for users to send feedback to you is golden. This will often prevent them from ranting online and will give you a heads-up about issues. By using feature request solutions you can even let your users give you insights on their wants and needsUsing a testing strategy, you will be able to see where you need to put in your efforts regarding quality assurance and testing user scenarios. Basing it on risk analyses and the most important quality aspects of your solutionThere you have it.There's no point in pointing your finger 👉🏻 towards your users when something breaks just because they aren't using it as you intended it to be operated.As a maker, *YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE * for the success of your product and the value that it provides. Users will always manage to break stuff or use it in ways you could never have imagined​ before.So take control, and take advantage of the tips and pointers so you can embrace the user and what they got to offer.Building value for the user is best done when coöperating with your users.Take care and keep building #valuefirst solutions.This article was originally posted on Shipharder.comDisclaimer: I am not affiliated with the products mentioned in this article in any way.Edwin Klesman is a 16+ year developer who loves building web/mobile apps and helping others in doing so. Check out [EEKAY ONLINE](www.eekayonline.com) to see what I'm about