#'nia doesnt know me' Ok I could know u. We could know each other. We could be companions for life. Hlelo?

[fat-fem-and-asian]

oversharing on the internet bc this is my personal diary thank you

ok so recently my dad took a fall and his spine was fucked up and he's lost some mobility in his arms (we do not know what he will or won't get back it literally happened two days ago (two days ago? nia ur on tumblr a lot for it to have been so recent. to that i say we all cope in different ways and i have two very nice brothers to spread the load of supporting my parents)) and my family is service based very action based very task based (it is family tradition to get mad if someone doesnt thank you properly for something they didnt ask you to do in the first place) and very immediately with any loss ive noticed the biggest and most emotional burden is all of the fucking things they did. god i wish my dad was not so responsible. i wish he didn't get the mail and take care of the yard and deal with the bills and wash the dishes. there is so much extra load now so many things he did that someone still has to do while he can't. it was the same when my grandpa passed there was so much that he did that each of us took a little chunk of as our responsibility - see my writing about his passing and me watering his yard - and it makes me think of the thing ray bradbury said about losing his grandfather how they were robbed of all the things he could have done to the world. And i think about that with my dad and his arms and how much he still wanted to do with them and frankly honestly totally transparently i fucking sobbed into my pillow about it. anyways. there is so much to love and be grateful for and there is so much to get done. if u were freak enough to read this i actually do encourage you to go do something to the world preferably kind preferably kind to someone who needs it drastically. it is so weird that in my grief i have felt an overwhelming urge to help others the people and families suffering in the world because i cannot imagine how they are surviving worse than this and how would you not be moved to help them. The world shouldn't be robbed of them either. anyways. much love. much to do.