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#'whaaaaaaaat you don't want BAABIIEEES?? but you'd make such a good mom!!!'
non-un-topo
·
5 months
Text
Have to thank my partner for realizing before I did that talking about kids with people makes me extremely dysphoric --- whereas I thought I just had a problem and hated children or something lol
#you can't really start a sentence with 'i don't hate children--' though.
#do i... like them..? ehh they're fine on their own. i just don't like to be around them for very long. they freak me out.
#but mostly it's parents who freak me out. or people who aren't parents yet but kids are all they talk about
#(cough) my sister-in-law.
#it's not ALL she talks about but she does happen to bring children up an awful lot around me. and uhh i have bad news for her.
#anyway i feel like the worst person on earth but my gut reaction when i hear people talking about kids is to just get pissed off
#or roll my eyes or want to leave the conversation STAT. like my flight instinct takes over.
#so it was my partner who figured out that these conversations activate my dysphoria like a nuclear bomb.
#dysphoria has manifested in the form of irritation for me this year. same with depression. i just feel angry and annoyed all the time
#plus a bit of despair. and it gets more intense with every passing month.
#my sister has decided to work in childcare and is doing a placement. she also updates me on every single thing she does in a day -
#- down to how many times she shits. i wish i was kidding.
#so i get a constant feed of what these random children did in a day (yesterday a girl showed my sister her poop lol)
#and it would be funny and fine if it didn't make me want to jump out of my gd skin.
#happens all the time at school too.
#'whaaaaaaaat you don't want BAABIIEEES?? but you'd make such a good mom!!!'
#ahaha No i would not thank you. jesus christ please no thank you. please.
#i'm a father figure to a few of my friends and it's the best feeling in the world. that's all i need.
#conversations like that always trap me. i feel like a fucking rabbit. stuck with all the aunties in the kitchen.
#so i have to be a dick and not offer to clear the plates because none of the men are clearing the plates.
#just........ Gender. UGH!!
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