#'you are better han them tara. you can regulate and pace yourself.'

[starstaiined]

@krikeymate left these incredible tags that i wanted to address

#Scream#THIS IS SO RUDE#i love it#do you think Tara ever considered drowning her sorrows too#ever picked up a bottle. the pills left behind.#maybe she did one day. another night alone and she just drinks and drinks and drinks#maybe she accidentally texts Amber. maybe she was coming over anyway. maybe she had just decided to come over so Tara wouldnt be alone#and Amber finds her lying on the floor drunk out of her mind. empty bottles surrounding her.#she's furious. she yells. she drags her to the bathroom and shoves her fingers down Tara's throat#how dare she. Tara isn't like them. she's better. she won't accept this from her.#you aren't Sam she says. I am oh I am she thinks. unable to look at her reflection and not see the echo of her sister. her mother.#but she doesn't tell Amber that. it would only make her mad.#Amber hates when Tara compares herself to Sam. hates when she talks about her. thinks about her. maybe Tara should hate it too.

THAT'S WHAT I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT, but then i was thinking back to the opening of five. in the texts, amber is encouraging the intake of liquor. which always struck me as odd, given that later on we learn she saw first hand what it did to christina, and sam. so i toyed around with a few ideas until i settled on one i thought fit best

at first, amber is so damn glad that tara doesn't drink or touch drugs. she's seen the effects they've had on christina, on sam, and she knows tara is better than that. better than them. tara can do so much more. tara can be so much more. and it looks like tara knows that too! tara is such a good girl, recognizing the fact she's better than the rest of her family and holding to it. and then amber learns the real reason tara doesn't drink. i promised. before she left, i promised i wouldn't. and she might break promises, but i don't. irritation lights down amber's spine. so it hadn't been about tara at all ... it had been about sam. honestly, at this point, what in tara's life wasn't about samantha fucking carpenter?

after that, she tries to convince tara to just try it. a sip here, a shot there, in moderation it isn't dangerous! and tara has the control! (or, well, amber does. she can watch and make sure things don't get out of hand.)

it's the first time amber ever heard the word no.

tara, who's been like a dog at her heel since sam left, says no to her. tara, who she's looked after and listened to and pieced back together, says no to her. for the ghost of her goddamn sister, who's not even here.

its a reminder that when push comes to shove, sam will always come first.

its a reminder amber doesn't take very kindly.

it ignites one of the first arguments between them, because as good as amber is at masking her annoyance at everything sam related, tara is painfully attuned to every miniscule shift in expression and tone. she has to be. she reads into it, assumes amber is angry at her. things get really messy, really fast.

at the end of the day, tara caves. sam is gone, she never has to know. besides sam lied first, sam left, amber's right, what obligation did tara have to uphold her end of the deal? especially if, in her head, it meant making amber angry/giving her a reason to leave? she's already lost sam, she can't lose amber too

amber feels the dizzying rush of power, of finally being one step ahead of stupid fucking sam. tara choose her, choose to make her happy over some long held promise. and tipsy tara is adorable. all wide wet eyes and messy hair, looking up at her with this absolutely vulnerability and trust.

amber regulates the drinking closely. tara is not allowed to drink without her, or too often. after all, amber can't have her falling down that familiar familial path.