#(and yet still somehow explore the emotions while they're fucking because hello it's still me)

[orangeflavoryawp]

I'm working on a couple small sequel pieces, yeah, but I'm also feeling like I haven't written a good ol' dirty, grimy, smutty Jonsa one-shot in a while and I'm thinking I should. Like, just some classic pwp filth. Like a little present to myself. And all you other heathens out there, lol.

[banesberry-anomoly]

[long post. tw violence, war, blood, injury. will be tagged appropriately, with the tw in front.]

hello. i formed yesterday while we were on the computer, and i started typing to try to make sense of things. i never got to post what i wrote at the time, but here it is now.

d'ya ever just- feel not real? like, you feel like you're floating but at the same time not, like you're grounded somehow? why do i feel like i am just a blank slate? am i a new headmate? was i a dormant headmate or hidden headmate that just woke up or was revealed? am i the body's consciousness? why do i exist? is there a reason for this? was i a fragment, or was i walk in? am i Evan? am i Pigeon? my typing habits seem to be a mix of the two. but i don't feel either of them is 'me'. did i split off of the two? did i split off of neither and just adapted their typing habits because they're both co-con? they are there, i feel them both. they know what is going on with the body, but aren't processing the words i am typing. wait. now they're 'gone.' gone as in not fully aware of the body anymore. they're in the headspace now. they're confused. they- they don't know what's going on, not really. they can hear the fan blowing in the background of our room in the bodyspace, they know small bits and pieces like that, but not much else. what is my role? i know there's another headmate that woke up from dormancy earlier, and that may have something to do with how i came to be. the one that woke up is a worrier and emotion/symptom holder. specifically of our anxiety. we all have anxiety, but they have it the worst. it's hard waking up, especially when the host didn't explore his plurality earlier. it makes it difficult to know what makes up 'you'. are you real? are you not? you don't know because you were hidden from view. on a different layer that the host could not see before.

as you can see, it was quite... philosophical. we were quite blurry at the time i wrote this. since the time i wrote it, i have discovered my name: it is Blankslate. i dont feel quite whole yet, something of me is missing. a different headmate woke up yesterday, a worrier that goes by the name of 'Ann'. Ann doesn't know very much about themself yet, but they do really like soft pretzels with salt. ...a war broke out in the headspace yesterday, which came along with a 'population boom' of headmates. most are fragments. we haven't the time to put them all in Simply Plural, as we sealed off some spaces for our mental health. i feel like i had something to do with why the war started. was i supposed to warn them?

this is getting long, so the rest will be under the cut.

people got hurt. not in the outerworld, i mean in our innerspace. i got yanked away from the front at some point and thrown against a wall in the innerspace. i started bleeding from the head. Lyx grabbed me and dragged me back to the front. Lyx is our russian headmate, rus discovered their name a little bit ago. Lyx is short for Alyxander, and alternate spelling of Alexander, which means 'to guard' or 'to protect' which is appropriate for them. sno's our resident caretaker. rus also managed to somehow seal off some rooms from the rest of the headspace. fuck, i wish i were making all this up. i wish so much for us to be faking all this, rather than have to deal with this raging war inside our head. but i'm not, and it hurts. it hurts really bad, this raging headache that we have tells us that there's still fighting going on, beyond what we can see. we don't even know the full extent of our headspace. we need a mapper. Evan and Lyx are somewhat co-con. Evan is too overwhelmed to deal with much, only really giving me information when we need to interact with others. Lyx is helping to explain things to me, because as a new headmate, a lot is new to me. i could read the music we needed to play for a rehearsal, but i didn't know we had a rehearsal this morning until Evan echoed the memory to me. there may be more knowledge gaps between me and the others than that. four headmates, Frisk, Moss, Ann, and Pigeon, are in a different room that they sealed off. none of us know where Vader or Demo are. Demo was able to front for a few minutes earlier, but was yanked away from the front by something. they're both able to handle themselves, so we're not too worried, but still.

-🌫