#(i'm tempted to tag 'period typical homophobia' but is that 'period typical' for late 90s uk i legit do not know)

[grunge-mermaid]

grunge rewatches midsomer murders pt 1

this was bound to happen. especially after the second use of "cunt-stable" within the first half hour

1x01 The Killings at Badger's Drift

"you've got yourself a right cunt-stable there" beautiful

"you are politically correct as a Nuremberg Rally"

you know what? I chose to rewatch this because it's boring and a good background show but it's off to a real strong start

I know Dennis is either a murderer or gets beheaded (gimme a break it's been 15 years since I've seen this ep) but I'm living for him repeatedly calling a surprisingly homophobic Sgt Troy "cunt-stable"

I completely forgot about the incestuous mother/son dynamic

I really don't remember Troy being such a homophobic sexist dipshit

can i skip to the episode with Orlando Bloom?

ohhh he got his throat slit this ep ok he gets beheaded as another character in a few seasons?

aw man now that the creepy incestuous blackmailers are dead and no one is openly calling Troy a cunt, we're back to just plain boring village gossip

which tbf is why I put this on in the first place but like come on

you can't give me a gay undertaker serving cunt (literally and figuratively) with a totally inappropriate relationship with his nosy neighbour mother who make Gladys Kravitz look like she minds her business

and then just... go back to boring nothingness murders

oh god

late 90s high society wedding

yikes

lord god what are those bridesmaids dresses

are they supposed to be ruched at the back or are they just really poorly made?

oh thank god it was a nightmare

as were those dresses

and those hats

that corpse is breathing pretty deeply fellas you sure she's dead?

Barnaby sure is discussing a lot of details of the case with his family. shouldn't some of this information be confidential?

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH INCEST IN THIS VILLAGE

oh no those actually *are* the bridesmaids dresses

I have 2 questions

1) who in-universe is responsible for dressing the bridesmaids and why do they not own a garment steamer or an iron?

2) who on set is responsible for dressing the actors and why do they not own a garment steamer or an iron?

like holy shit those dresses are wrinkled af

that ending was... well, an ending.

1x02 Written in Blood

ok is this ep gonna go hard like 1x01 or

I do appreciate when murder mysteries tell you who the murderer is right off the bat and the fun is all in seeing how the detectives piece it together

god these houses are so pretty

oh this is a village populated entirely by mediocre writers

I really hope MM is intentionally leaning into the inherent cheesiness of the murder mystery genre and this isn't just low production value

Killmouskie the Russian blue kitten. cute.

wait so what does Liam killing his father have to do with this writing group?

is one of these writers Liam using a fake identity?

wow this guy's one hell of a dick can he get murdered please

I love how this show manages to be so dull but still get you hooked on the village gossip

what's the deal with Max and Gerald? if this isn't Lovers To Enemies I'm gonna be pissed

(I know it won't be this is a show for boring boomers)

FINALLY

a murder that's definitely relevant to the plot

still no hint as to who Liam is or why the cold open

another Very Clearly Breathing corpse come on lads

NOPE THAT IS NOT AN OKAY WAY TO BEHAVE AROUND YOUR UNDERAGE STUDENTS PLEASE GET MURDERED

living for the students giving him shit and laughing at him because he is a fucking creep and deserves it

why can the subtitles not spell Causton correctly or consistently

ok so Gerald is Liam?

that's not what I expected a secretary called "Bouncing Barbara" to look like

ok. so if Max was a therapist before he became a writer, Gerald is actually Liam and was Max's patient after murdering his own father?

idk but it's 50 minutes in and there has been no other mention of Liam since the cold open and I'm all for suspense but come on you've got to at least give me a dot that will be connected in the next hour

FINALLY

JOYCE TO THE RESCUE

only took 60 minutes

I don't know if my theory is completely right yet but I'm definitely not entirely wrong

you know what? it was totally worth the wait

oh look a corpse that isn't visibly breathing wow

ok so not only was I right but Gerald/Liam was also a transvestite and that plot point was treated with more respect & dignity than I'd expect for 25 years ago... until Troy had to open his transphobic mouth

while their methods are ethically questionable, I do enjoy the group of 15-year-olds trying to take down their pervy drama teacher

oh man if this is going to be an eleventh hour AIDS reveal

character's brother who died of a sudden illness in the 80s "knew" the transvestite murder victim

OH HOLY FUCK I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THAT

WHO KEEPS THEIR DEAD BROTHER'S BODY IN A FUCKING BED LIKE IT'S A SHRINE JESUS CHRIST

"hatters are sane compared to Honoria Lyddiard" is one hell of a fucking understatement good lord

oh yep there's the eleventh hour AIDS reveal

not just of the dead brother but she was keeping it from her sister-in-law not to protect her from her husband's cheating but because she was hoping her sister-in-law was HIV+ and going to die soon

yikes

fuck man that episode was a wild ride with one hell of an ending

but did it ever stick it

amazing

1x03 Death of a Hollow Man

creepy choral singing and a licence plate that says "boo"? alright lets buckle up

Salieri, prime, not Sally Arie. Salieri.

they're putting on a production of Amadeus, or is context not enough for you to get the captions correct?

camp gay men being gossipy bitches? yes please

ok now that is what I expected "Bouncing Barbara" to look like

ostrich feather trimmed coat, lots of makeup, bouncy blond curls

of course her name is Kitty

she looks as much like a Kitty as she does a Bouncing Barbara

love it when they find an actor who can hold their breath for a single take as a corpse

STOP BEING SUCH A HOMOPHOBIC DIPSHIT TROY

why are you so uncomfortable just being in the same room as a visibly queer person?

gulping, pulling at your collar

go fuck yourself

you walked into a bookstore and he is trying to sell you a book

he's not even being flirty calm down

oh and now you're surprised at how heartless the deceased's only living relative is? you're not exactly an emblem of compassion yourself

do they only have one lawyer's office set?

ex wife keying the ex husband's new wife's car is some satisfying petty revenge but then discovering the new wife is having an affair? delicious

that fascinator sure is A Choice

actual line: bloody hell caption: oh dear

actual line: I'll frigging kill him caption: I'll fucking kill him

inaccurate captions are amusing for me but this is like an actual accessibility issue

at least the meaning isn't drastically different for those lines but transcribing "can" or "did" when the actual line is "can't" or "didn't" or they can't spell character or place names correctly, it's not great

who is proofreading these

"everyone liked Esslyn"

previous 50 minutes: everyone hates Esslyn and they are right to do so

{duolingo break}

"he wasn't always gay" baby boy. baby boy let me introduce you to the concept of being attracted to more than one gender it will blow your mind

that is some flawless hair and makeup for a supposedly grieving widow less than 24 hours after her husband's murder

ok I gave up on the last 15-20 minutes of that episode, it wasn't as compelling as the previous 2 sorry

1x04 Faithful Unto Death

opening with Morris dancing and a village fete this feels boring

yeah this one's boring

nothing salacious about the village gossip this time

please let there be a twist

I'll just be over here knitting and scrolling pinterest and waiting for this to get interesting

POT BROWNIES

THEY JUST FED THE COPS POT BROWNIES

their "daily bake" amazing

still a boring af episode but thank you Bunny and Elfrida for feeding the cops pot brownies without telling them

I do appreciate the sometimes not at all subtle anti-cop undercurrents

54 minutes for Troy to say something homophobic that's a record

I know I said I was rewatching this because it's boring & good background content but this episode was far more boring than I remember any episode being

but I remember it being like delightfully boring

charmingly boring

not a fucking drudge

and the first 2 episodes went so hard like you can't really compete with incestuous undertakers blackmailing incestuous siblings and dead brother's corpse enshrined in his childhood bedroom like some twisted Edith Finch shit

1x05 Death in Disguise

please god be more interesting than the last episode

sidenote: I really appreciate that streaming services play each story as one episode unlike TVO that played them as 2-parters

"Barnaby investigates a string of deaths at a local New Age commune run by ex-cons"

keywords: Suspense. Drama. Beautiful. Sensual.

I'll give you suspense and beautiful but I'm not sure how I feel about this show being described as "sensual"

buddy. my guy. just because you live a new age commune doesn't mean you have to give up conditioner

he's breathing but is he a corpse yet? or just severely injured?

yep

he dead

and breathing

"light slinking music" A+ description

I do appreciate the overarching message of "just let people be weird, it's fine"

was not expecting scenes of cocaine use

Ken: "Heather honey" Heather: "what?" Ken: "no, it's heather honey" Heather: "oh I just thought you were being affectionate"

what a weird little beekeeping couple they're so cute

this is more intriguing than the last episode but not much to comment on really

I take that back the adorably weird beekeeper couples used to run a brothel

they're still weird and cute

nothing inherently immoral about running a brothel even if it was illegal

especially since they seemed to make a point of profit-sharing with all employees (I'm assuming on top of wages otherwise that would be immoral)

oh so the non-verbal autistic kid miraculously speaks for the first time ever and it just happens to be the one word that's the key to solving the case

so that's season 1. sorry? you're welcome? idk take your pick.

episode 2 was definitely my favourite because what the fuck was that ending. the pacing was perfect, the plot twist was executed beautifully, perfect murder mystery

I'm probably going to do this for at least the next couple of seasons but god help us all if I manage to do the entire fucking series.