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starwarstbbfan · 2 years

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THE BAD BATCH: THE RUNAWAY

Chapter 52 - Broken Bonds

Ok, so this chapter is kind of bittersweet in a sense. You're going to love and hate Crosshair. Read at your own risk.

TRIGGER WARNING: Calli does experience an anxiety attack. I don't go into too much detail, but if it'll trigger you, please don't read. In the original posting of this I'd said it was a panic attack, but after some research and stuff I feel it's more of an anxiety attack.

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If there was one thing Calli hated, it was not being able to go on missions. The day after the vacation the team received a mission and when Hunter told her she couldn't go, Calli just about had a fit and asked why.

"Because you're the one who wanted a pet, and this mission might take a couple or more days and I don't trust that thing on the ship by itself until he's fully trained. So, you're just going to have to sit this one out." Calli tried protesting again, "If you keep questioning my orders, I will turn this ship around and we'll take Scruffy back to Naboo." That shut Calli right up, yet she still wasn't happy about having to miss out on all the fun.

So, she came up with a way to be involved with the mission. With Wrecker's permission, a small camera was attached to his helmet that connected to her data pad so she could watch what was happening and for added measure she also wore her own helmet to communicate with the boys. It was brilliant and Wrecker liked making Calli happy so he was willing to let her attach the camera - he'd be disappointed as well if he couldn't go on a mission. Hunter and Tech thought it was a bit much but allowed their little sister to do this if it meant she would stay behind without any more complaint and their ship would be in one piece.

So there Calli was, in her sleepwear with her helmet on, living vicariously through her squad mates. At first it seemed like a good and quite frankly ingenious idea, but the boys quickly realized the downfall of having Calli watch their every move. One of said downfalls were the comments made by Calli.

After she slid on her helmet and tuned into the comm frequency, Calli had said with enthusiasm, "Alright, let's flank 'em and spank 'em boys." The phrase caused the brothers to pause and each of them wore mortified looks underneath their helmets. Tech briefly wondered if he'd given Calli too much of the painkillers because she'd never said something so... odd. And the comments only got worse (and more critical) from there.

(To Tech after he almost ran into a tree.) "Hey speedy thumbs, get your nose out of that data pad and watch where you're going!"

"Yeah Wrecker! Rip that droid's head off! Now beat the others with it!" (Wrecker was happy to oblige.)

(To Crosshair.) "You call that shooting? A blind womp rat could do better!" Calli said all this from the comfort of her bed, munching on Mantell mix and drinking soda and keeping an eye on her furry companion who snoozed on the bed next to her without a care in the world that Calli was annoying the heck out of her brothers.

Before Calli had a chance to say something about Hunter, Crosshair had had enough, going over to Wrecker, he ripped the camera off of his helmet, and proceeded to throw it to the ground and crush it under the heel of his boot. Calli could only watch helplessly and when the screen went black, she pouted like a child after. That put an end to that.

So now Calli was on a mission of her own: training Scruffy so he could be trusted enough to be left alone. Should be simple right? The teen dubbed it "Calli's Cat Bootcamp" and was going to dedicate every waking moment to drilling new commands and habits into the small feline - kind of like Hunter did with Calli when she first joined the squad. But there was something Calli quickly realized after ten minutes in the first hour of cat training: Cats like doing whatever the kriff they want. It took a lot of bribing with food to get him to do anything, and a lot of the Nuna Jerky they picked up from Naboo was quickly gobbled up by the little guy as it was the only thing they had in the way of treats. But it was a for a good cause, Calli reasoned, so the others shouldn't be mad at her... for too long that is... maybe. Crosshair would be miffed, as he'd liked it the most, but Calli could care less about making him angry.

The usually tight knit siblings - officially dubbed the "deadly duo" by their brothers - were still at odds with each other due to the argument they had on Naboo. To no one's surprise, both were too stubborn to take the first step in resolving the issue and Calli felt like he partially did what he did with the camera because of his anger towards her (truth be told she wasn't too far off with that theory).

After the camera debacle, Hunter - along with the others - decided it was time for Crosshair and Calli to make up. Having the two angry at one another created a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere in the ship for everyone and it was high time to put an end to it. Hunter knew that Crosshair didn't mean what he said, it was only because Calli's injury scared him and he was not very good at expressing his feelings, which resulted in him taking his anger out on everyone around him. And to make things worse, Calli was too headstrong to make the first step and talk to Crosshair.

There wasn't any yelling and fighting per se, but somehow the silence was even more deafening and kept everyone on edge. Calli had even resorted to sleeping in the spare bed in the med bay so as to avoid Crosshair even further by refusing to sleep in the same room as him.

Finally, the other three members of Clone Force 99 decided to take matters into their own hands to restore peace and unity into their squad. What was Hunter's solution? To lock those two in a room together and not let them out until they resolved their differences.

Crosshair was laying on his bunk, taking a little cat nap despite it only being mid morning. He was catching up on sleep since during the mission they hadn't really been able to get more than a couple hours' sleep at any given time. His eyes shot open when he was snatched from his bed by Wrecker, who'd been ordered to carry him to the med bay. Calli had just finished getting ready for the day and thank goodness she was fully dressed when the door slid open without any warning, and Crosshair was tossed inside the room - quite literally - falling unceremoniously to the ground with a pained grunt. By the time the sniper had gathered his bearings and gotten up, the door had been closed and locked.

"WRECKER!" Crosshair shouted while furiously pounding on the door with his fist, "Let me out or I swear when I escape, you're dead! Or worse, you're Lula will get it!"

"What the heck is going on?" Calli asked, not understanding why Wrecker deposited Crosshair like a sack of potatoes when he had been peacefully sleeping. There was one thing worse than regular, grumpy Crosshair, and that's Crosshair when he first wakes up - and when he's rudely woken up for no good reason like now, well let's just say all weapons need to be hidden until he calms down. And now he's in the same room as her.

Tech's voice came through the intercom that could be heard from any part of the ship,

"Hunter has ordered that you two be locked up so you can work out your differences and reestablish the peace in our team. We are going to go on a supply run so you have approximately two and half hours to fix things. And we're bringing Scruffy with us." Calli and Crosshair glanced at each other, then the former snarled and faced the sealed exit.

"Come on, this is ridiculous!" Crosshair yelled loud enough for Hunter to hear from the other side of the door where he was undoubtedly standing with a triumphant smirk on his face. Calli came to the rescue though, but not for him - she'd rather jump off a cliff than have a heart-to-heart conversation with Crosshair.

"Oh, calm down, I can just rewire the panel on our side and get us out in no time."

"Then get to it!" rolling her eyes, Calli walked over to the panel by the door, making sure to not so nicely nudge Crosshair out of the way to give her room to work. She removed the cover and just as she began fiddling with the wires, the power suddenly cut out, making her heart sink. Calli let out a string of very colorful words, most of them being directed at Tech even though he probably couldn't hear them now.

"What's the problem?" Crosshair asked and Calli scoffed at his denseness while also trying to get rid of the sudden heavy weight on her chest.

"Uh, Tech just turned off the electricity genius, or did you not notice the lights turn off?" Calli snapped despite the rising panic within her with each passing second, they remained in darkness with the door locked.

"I noticed, smart mouth." Crosshair bit back, not about to appear dumb. "I'll just find a flashlight if you need it."

"A flashlight won't help the fact that all the power has been shut down in this room, Crosshair! I can't open an electrical door if the electricity is off! Do you understand?!" This was one of the rare times Crosshair was embarrassed and he felt his face heat up but that didn't stop him from trying to redeem himself.

"Of course I do, I'm not an idiot!"

"Debatable." Calli muttered under her breath, leaning her head forward until it touched the cool durasteel wall that sent a shiver down her spine, but she didn't move away, hoping the cold would help ward away the oncoming headache from stress of being locked up with the last person she wanted to be around. His hurtful words were still fresh in her mind, and she was in no way going to apologize because in her mind there was nothing she had to apologize for. But that's not all Calli had on her mind.

When the lights cut out and they were engulfed in darkness, it brought her back to that little room that the Kaminoans had her imprisoned in after each experiment session.

Calli's heartbeat was steadily increasing, and she was beginning to tremble, starting with her hands and spreading out, eventually until her entire body was shaking uncontrollably. She knew what was happening, after all, anxiety attacks could happen if you're triggered by something that reminded you of a traumatic event you experienced. Except for Calli it wasn't just one singular incident - the trauma she experienced lasted for years, then she got a break, but then she wound up on Kamino once more and the cycle started all over again. The only difference was that in the few short weeks where the experiments resumed, she was locked away in the room instead of in the suite she shared with Jango and Boba. Ever since then, Calli hated enclosed spaces that had no way out, which she now found herself in a similar situation.

Calli knew that this time was different, as her squad mates had no intention of hurting her and would eventually let them out. But even still, their plan had unintentionally triggered Calli, and she was on the verge of having a full blast attack - something she hadn't experienced in a while.

She tried her best to fight it, trying every technique she knew. And she did her best to stay quiet so as not to alert the other person in the room that she was panicking. The last thing Calli wanted was to have him call her weak for the second time on top of everything else - she didn't need that right now. She needed to get out, but couldn't think of a way out in her current panicked state.

Despite her best efforts, Calli accidentally let out a choked noise from her mouth as breathing was suddenly the hardest thing to do. Her throat felt like it was closing up and that brought on a new wave of panic.

Crosshair heard the peculiar noise and squinted in Calli's direction, seeing her collapse to her knees and plant her palms on the wall in front of her in an attempt to ground herself.

"The kriff is wrong with you?" Crosshair asked, not yet realizing what Calli was experiencing which is why his question came out as cold. When Calli didn't offer a snippy remark back, Crosshair stood from where he'd been sitting on the hospital bed and took a step closer to the teen, his gut telling him something wasn't right. "Hey, what's going on?" He questioned in a more civil tone. Calli tried to say she was fine, but all that came out was something between a gasp and a sob as everything was blurring together and she couldn't form a coherent thought, much less a sentence.

Crosshair was quickly on his knees next to Calli and now that he was closer, he could notice her trembling form. When he attempted to touch his sister's arm, she flinched away as if he'd just burned her. He didn't have to be a freaky genius to know what was happening.

Without thinking, Crosshair began banging on the door, hoping that the others hadn't left yet, followed by some shouting for them to be let out. But it was futile as the Havoc Marauder was empty and the only thing he accomplished was making Calli's condition worse from the loud noise.

Crosshair was at a loss for what to do and say, having never dealt with this sort of thing - alone that is. Usually, his brothers were around to calm Calli down when she was upset, but something like this hadn't happened before, that he knew of. "Just - just take a few deep breaths." He tried saying, hoping it was the right thing to say.

Through all the spiraling thoughts and turmoil going on inside her, Calli had heard what Crosshair said and attempted to slow her breathing and take deep breaths like he told her. But it didn't work and she was now hyperventilating.

Crosshair was now becoming more concerned. What is he supposed to do? He's knowledgeable about guns and war not - not feelings. Despite his aversion, Crosshair couldn't sit by and let Calli suffer by herself. He couldn't help but briefly think "Why me?", definitely feeling out of his element.

He did the first comforting gesture he could think of, which is placing a consoling hand on Calli's shoulder despite her earlier rebuff, and much to Crosshair's relief she didn't recoil like before. In fact it seemed to help, at least Crosshair thought so, as she removed one of her hands from the wall and gripped the hand on her shoulder so hard the sniper feared she'd break it. He did his best to ignore the pain and spoke to the girl in a way that wasn't like his normal manner(i.e. Condescending and scornful), and again it was difficult for someone who's usually cold and calculating.

"Calli, look at me." Crosshair ordered in a gentle voice that surprised him and if Calli didn't feel like she was dying she'd have found it strange too. Calli didn't respond and Crosshair wondered if she could even hear him. He found himself wishing that Tech was here, as he'd definitely know the answer. So Crosshair used his other hand, as Calli still had his right one in a death grip, and gently coaxed Calli's head to turn and face him. Seeing the fear and pain in her eyes made Crosshair hurt and he stroked her cheek to wipe the tears that were running down her face, surprising himself again for being so delicate. Her eyes were also unfocused, so even though she was facing Crosshair, it didn't really help any.

Without saying anything, Crosshair removed his hand from Calli's cheek and wrapped that arm around her shoulders, keeping his grip light in case she didn't want to be hugged. When he was met with no resistance, he began speaking to Calli again.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but you're safe. No one's going to hurt you." He said in the same soothing tone. Calli let out a choked sob, and Crosshair wasn't sure it was her way of trying to acknowledge what he said. "Just focus on my breathing." Throughout all the chaos and confusion going on in her head, Calli managed to process Crosshair's words and she used all her willpower to match his breathing pattern. Crosshair would breathe in deeply, Calli would do the same a second later and both would exhale at the same time. Crosshair would praise her every thirty seconds or so, and when Calli's breathing would suddenly become more erratic he'd calmly tell her to slow down and try again.

Neither were sure how much time had passed, but eventually Calli had calmed down and became aware of her surroundings. It was still dark, but Crosshair's presence kept her from going back into a panic. Speaking of which, when he noticed Calli seemed to come back to reality..

"You alright kid?" Crosshair asked while releasing her from the hug. Calli settled against the wall next to the sniper and nodded slowly.

"I-I think so..." She answered, her voice still a little shaky and she was still trembling somewhat. And Calli definitely had a headache now. "U-Um, do you think you can look for a flashlight?" Crosshair nodded and got up to go look in the cabinets on the other side of the room, having to feel around to make sure he wouldn't run into the bed. Even with enhanced eyesight, he still couldn't when it was pitch black.

Calli heard her brother rifle around in the darkness, knocking things over and even letting out a curse word when he accidentally bumped his head at one point. Calli was just about to tell him to forget it when suddenly the room flooded in a dim light, Crosshair having found a flashlight and turning it on. He grabbed a couple bottles from the bedside table and came to sit at Calli's side, holding out the bottles to her. One was a water bottle; the other was painkillers for the headache. Calli accepted them with a quiet "thank you" and the room was silent as Calli popped the proper dose of pills in her mouth and downed about half the water in the bottle. As Calli swallowed and screwed the cap back on the bottle, she tried to figure out something to say to the man sitting beside her. Crosshair helped her, even though he was mad at her. This wasn't the first time Calli was astonished by his actions. Just when she thought she had him figured out, Crosshair threw her in for a loop by doing something unexpected.

Now that Calli had recovered from her panic attack, the previous tension was back and neither wanted to address it. Eventually Calli couldn't stand the silence anymore and said the first thing that came to mind.

"So are we just gonna sit here until the others get back."

"Unless your big brain can figure out another way out of here, then yes." Calli pursed her lips and began racking her brain for an idea. It only took her ten seconds to figure out an alternative way of escaping. She recalled when the Bad Batch had imprisoned her on the original Havoc Marauder - she got out by using the -

"Air vents!" Callista exclaimed excitedly. It was completely out of the blue and caused Crosshair to startle, but the female clone didn't pay attention as she took the flashlight into her hands and searched for a vent. She'd never told the boys how she'd gotten out of that storage closet, otherwise Tech would have thought to block the vents with something, though that would have restricted fresh air from coming into the room and well it's easy to figure out why that would be a problem.

Finding the vent, Calli let out a chuckle of triumph at the revelation that she'd outsmarted Tech which was a rare occurrence. Crosshair, who had gotten up and now stood behind Calli who was removing the cover of the vent, peered down at the opening in the wall that Calli might be able to squeeze into, but he definitely wouldn't be able to.

"There's no way I'll fit in there!" He pointed out, and Calli let out a scoff.

"Duh," she retorted, "That's why I'll crawl through and once I get out, I'll turn the power back on and let you out." Crosshair narrowed his eyes which were full of distrust.

"How do I know you won't just leave me in here as revenge?"

"Oh please, when have I ever done something that spiteful?" Crosshair crossed his arms and gave her a deadpanned look, and Calli retracted her comment, "You know what, don't answer that. But you're just going to have to trust me." Calli didn't wait for Crosshair's reply. Putting the flashlight in her mouth with the light shining the way as she crawled into the vent, having flashbacks to her previous time doing this. She also felt her chest become heavy but this time a panic attack didn't come on as Calli was on a mission.

It wasn't too long before she found another opening and crawled out, now being in the lounge. Once Calli was on her feet, she took a couple steps toward the cockpit before pausing as an idea popped into her mind. Calli walked over to the med bay door and called out to Crosshair to make sure he was there - even though there was no way he could have gotten out.

"Yes, I'm still here." Crosshair answered coolly, as if he'd be anywhere else, "Go turn the power back on so I can get out of here!" Calli swallowed thickly and she worked up the courage to say what she was about to, knowing he wouldn't like it.

"I will but first you need to apologize." There was a brief silence before Crosshair all but exploded.

"What?!" Yep, definitely didn't like that. But Calli stood her ground.

"You heard me." She told Crosshair, and she heard him growl in frustration while slamming a fist onto the door.

"Quit playing around and open the damn door!"

"There's a reason the boys locked us in there," Calli said calmly, totally disregarding his demands though she could practically envision him shaking with rage. Yet she continued, "- and if we don't resolve things, they're just gonna come up with another half-baked plan. So just apologize and they'll leave us alone." There was again silence on the other end for a brief moment and Calli held her breath in anticipation, wondering if she'd get an answer at all. It wouldn't be a surprise if he chose to remain in the dark because admitting he was wrong was not something he excelled at.

"Fine." Crosshair spat out and there was another pause, the sniper having to suppress his pride to let the next two words leave his mouth. "I'm... Sorry." he let out a moody huff after, "There, are you happy now?"

Calli stared at the door, waiting for the satisfaction of getting her brother to apologize to come... only it didn't. Instead, she felt more hurt because it was obvious Crosshair didn't mean what he said. He only did it so she'd let him out, yet Calli had hoped there would have been some emotion, some remorse over his hurtful words.

The teen wordlessly headed for the cockpit and not long after the power to the ship was turned back on. Crosshair breathed a sigh of relief when the lights in the medbay flickered back on and a second later the door slid open. He sauntered out, thinking that everything was right as rain with the universe now and heading to the lounge area where he waited for Calli to come into. He was going to ask if she wanted to watch something together - believe or not there were a few select movies and shows that even he admitted he enjoyed. And maybe they could plan a little revenge on the other boys.

"What's up with you?" Crosshair asked, his tone lighthearted which was unusual for the sniper, as he was rarely in a good enough mood to be so happy. This just made Calli feel worse. Maybe the panic attack made her more emotional in the aftermath and maybe she was overreacting but at the moment Calli didn't care. It wasn't so much Crosshair's phony apology that hurt her, more the fact of what he'd said to her that morning after she'd been shot. He said she was weak. Has he thought of her as weak this entire time? Did he consider her a member of the team or just a liability? All these questions spiraled around in her head like a tornado and honestly it was just making her feel tired. When asked if she was ok, Calli turned to look at Crosshair with the same blank expression.

"Why should I answer that? You'll just tell me I'm weak again." Crosshair let out a sigh of exasperation.

"Are you still on that? I thought my apology fixed everything?" Calli chuckled mirthlessly.

"It was a very crappy apology."

"What, do I have to get down on my knees and beg for your forgiveness?" Crosshair retorted dryly. Normally Calli would reply with a jeering comment back, but she just felt too drained to do so.

"You can shout it from the rooftops for all I care - but if you don't actually feel sorry then it means nothing." Crosshair sighed again and took a seat in the copilot's chair, looking at Calli with slight annoyance yet keeping his temper in check. He didn't want her to break down again.

"Come on Cal, don't you think you're overreacting just a bit?" Calli shrugged indifferently, and Crosshair found her lack of emotion unnerving if he was being honest.

"Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that you've made me question my place on this team." Calli stood up and looked Crosshair in the eye one last time, "But I'll get over it. I just wish you'd realize that your words stung and I feel completely useless now."

"Why can't you just ignore what I say like you normally do? Half the time the stuff that comes out of my mouth is bull, you know how I am." Calli nodded.

"I do know." She said matter of factly, "You and I are a lot alike so I can take what you say with a grain of salt because I know you don't mean it. But unlike you, I have the guts to apologize when I really say something out of line. It's the reason I have friends and you don't. Maybe one day you'll learn to be nicer instead of a bad-tempered ass and then people might actually like you."

"That's a low blow, even for you."

"I learned from the best." Calli said simply and with that she left Crosshair in the cockpit alone.

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It may seem like Calli is overreacting and I apologize if you think she is. But sometimes it just takes a single, jabbing comment that makes your insecurities blow it out of proportion. Calli is like me in some ways, always questioning whether she is good enough and such. She may seem ok for the most part, being all happy about being in the squad and calling the boys her brothers, but deep down she still wonders if she belongs with them. If she's good enough to keep up with them and uphold their stellar reputation. Crosshair's comment about her being weak just made these insecurities flare up and take over. Plus, the anxiety attack didn't help, as those are very scary to go through. I've never personally experienced one but have been around people who've had a panic attack. You feel helpless, not knowing what to do.

I hoped you enjoyed this chapter despite its angst. I've written some scenes in this book that show a softer side of Crosshair but have done my best to stay to his true character. Severe and unyielding. I've simply added some layers to his personality. He's like an onion. (If you get that reference, you're awesome!)

It'll be at least two more chapters before the Bad Batch Arc, provided I don't get another idea that I just HAVE to write.

Bye for now!

~B.C.

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