Janis & Jimmy
Janis: [stories of the gals getting ready at a mad early time like ???] Janis: they know the party really starts at midnight, yeah? ๐ค Jimmy: they know they'll be ๐ or ๐s by then, gotta get all the selfies they can before the clock strikes, obvs Jimmy: REAL question is do I have time to tattoo anti-Tory slogans across my whole body before her dad comes back to see me โจ or not Janis: Tag yourself, ๐ or ๐, you're clearly the ๐ Janis: duh, you've got the ink, I'll bring the needle Janis: easy Jimmy: 'cause I'm SO ๐ about this party, near as ๐ Jimmy: what can I write to let him know my truest feelings about lawyers? ๐ค๐ค Jimmy: no win no fee finger tats? Janis: weren't just calling you fat with a dodgy spray tan Janis: though it does sum up half the clan so ๐๐ Janis: VERY working class Janis: perfect Jimmy: but if the ๐ fits, yeah? I get it Jimmy: only #DRAMA'll be if Ian rates them an' all Jimmy: I'd have to โ 'em out or cover 'em up with something that'll get him fuming before he realises Jimmy: or chuck a ๐ on to go with them ๐ Janis: SO many men, SO many ways to please 'em/piss 'em off ๐ค๐ฐ Janis: and the shoe don't fit you babe, sort of the whole point Janis: ๐ธโ Jimmy: ๐๐๐ Jimmy: just carry it about so I can start a ๐ฅ nowt more common than a chipped tooth and black eye Janis: be PLENTY of candidates for a smack Janis: not sure if there'll be many who could get one in though Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐ป have to get my mascara running another way, huns Janis: ๐คข Janis: you when your gag reflex kicks in Jimmy: SHOULD I spray tan? Tell me honestly Janis: ๐ฌ Jimmy: go on, what one do you use? looks well natural Janis: ๐ Idiot Janis: @ my sister 'cos hers ain't Jimmy: oh right, fancy dress ๐ฅณ is it? Jimmy: THANK GOD you said Janis: if you ain't gone anywhere more exotic than Skerries for the break, you've GOT to pretend hun Jimmy: brb painting myself Janis: remember to do the backs of your legs Janis: don't wanna match Asia Jimmy: how many ๐ฅ do you reckon to knock her ๐ฆท๐ฆท out? Jimmy: can't do no ๐ฅ twinning with them there Janis: could do it under 5 but you might lose more fingers Jimmy: o wi no f Jimmy: mysterious Janis: you what? Jimmy: it'll ruin daddy's favourite tattoos but Jimmy: the ๐๐ฌ Janis: oh Janis: pftt Janis: you'll have a few years before you've ruined it with all the coffee machine burns Jimmy: such a relief, that Janis: what's more ๐ช #ladladlad than various injuries Jimmy: tah for letting me know before my rib has healed and I've pissed away all the content I could've had Janis: I mean, that's why he does it yeah Janis: that old excuse Jimmy: bit late for any dickhead to try to toughen me up Jimmy: wrong location an' all Janis: you're tough enough Janis: some would say you look rough in that ๐๐ Jimmy: stop flirting with me, I'm well busy turning myself into that Bargain Hunt bloke Janis: *budget HUN Jimmy: give me a break, Jodie, it's happening on mine in the CG ๐ฝ Janis: busy working boss babe, I get it Janis: I'm busy too, tah Jimmy: doing what? Janis: ๐๐ Janis: people wanna get ready/get pissed without worrying about their pooches, who knew Jimmy: I get it๐๐'ll start and they'll all shit themselves, helps if they've already done a ๐ฉ Janis: that, and I doggy drug them so Janis: everyone's ๐ Jimmy: except Ian, he'll be ๐๐ญ๐ป you ain't poisoned ours for the night Janis: There really is no pleasing some people Jimmy: @ Sharon in a bit Janis: when she's had enough seccys to spill the good goss Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐จ about as good as the time he'll be threatening her with Janis: Ick Janis: I hate this night Jimmy: subtle hint and challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll turn it round for you, girl Janis: you ain't competing with much but Janis: go ahead Jimmy: ๐ Janis: need a thumb in the middle gladiator style Jimmy: bit rude Janis: I'll decide your fate, that's not necessarily rude Jimmy: which one's the ๐๐๐ one? Janis: ๐ I think Janis: but you'll be ๐ so maybe we need to switch it Jimmy: don't need to be fluent at signing to come up with a signal Jimmy: I'll make it really obvious for you when I want you to do it Janis: gun through the roof of your mouth is a bit obvious to the rest of the party-goers though, remember Jimmy: you want subtle you can have subtle Janis: I want you to do what you want Janis: if we're not enjoying fucking up their party, what's the point Jimmy: I don't do nowt I don't want Jimmy: far as this goes Jimmy: enough of that bollocks everywhere else Janis: you know what I mean Jimmy: and I meant what I said Jimmy: not actually ๐ but Jimmy: it'll be alright Janis: yeah Janis: we're ๐ฅ Janis: it's them having the ๐ฉ time Jimmy: already Jimmy: [group chat highlights] Janis: ๐ Janis: do we know which of them is bringing a victim? Jimmy: Asia DUH Jimmy: Tammy's the only one who had me #SHOOK Janis: bullshit Janis: be SO awks when her fake boyf doesn't show Jimmy: be so ๐ when it ain't a full set no more Jimmy: even ๐#2's spreading it about that there's a lad she wants to ๐ Janis: ๐ either you or her is lying now Janis: I'll place my bets Jimmy: insider tip, it ain't me Jimmy: I'd NEVER lie to you, sweetheart Janis: ๐ Janis: does it make Mia ๐ or ๐ฃ ๐ ๐ซ ๐ฉ ๐ฅบ ๐ข ๐ญ ๐ค ๐ ๐ก ๐คฌ ๐คฏ REALLY though Janis: that's the question Jimmy: my ๐ฐ's on ๐ when it don't happen Janis: that's with any of them ๐ Janis: thinks she's the ๐ธ of the story Jimmy: who's she faking it is? that's the real question Jimmy: remind me how many brothers you've got again Janis: just the 1, that's easy to remember, keep up Jimmy: if he were gonna brainwash himself into a new sexuality, she'd DEFINITELY be who for Janis: โจ she ain't Janis: god bless Jimmy: ๐ back to ootds, fuck's sake Asia Janis: Do you wanna see mine now or be pleasantly surprised later Jimmy: Do you want me to chuck this โ over the dickhead who ordered it or what? Janis: surely that goes without saying Jimmy: there's your answer then Janis: [some lewk you won't be able to serve 'cos god damnit we deserve it] Jimmy: shit Janis: tell Asia she may as well stay home then? Jimmy: [does but in a way that's like loved up and #goals not like fuck you gals obvs] Jimmy: when did you sort that? Jimmy: it weren't the other day, I'd have ๐ Janis: would you? you were pretty distracted Janis: I had it way at the back of my wardrobe though Jimmy: Oi, don't be doubting my dedication to ๐ Janis: you're well dedicated to the try-on, I know Jimmy: I know what matters, yeah Janis: you're gonna have time to get all your glitter on, yeah? Jimmy: I'll make time, LITERALLY see above for why, like Janis: Priorities, baby Jimmy: ๐ฅ or nowt Janis: I'll let you get on with spilling more coffee over more dickheads then Janis: ๐ will fly Jimmy: you're the dickhead Janis: oi Jimmy: you are Janis: how am I? Jimmy: you know how Jimmy: you're gonna just ๐๐๐ me and piss off? Janis: You're not ๐๐๐ Jimmy: it feels like I could Janis: that's how I want you to feel Janis: do you want me to apologize? Jimmy: I want Janis: you want Janis: โ Jimmy: you here Janis: I want that too Janis: but I can't Janis: both busy Jimmy: that's why you're a dickhead Janis: blame your manager Janis: and these dogs Jimmy: they're not sending me ๐ท Jimmy: looking so fucking Janis: should hope no Janis: t* Janis: your DMs are full enough without that blatant competition Jimmy: would explain the TENSION and shite shifts Janis: oi Jimmy: never said I were gonna give him any ๐ or ๐ back Janis: ๐ฃ Janis: will have to ask to see your manager to fuck him up Jimmy: I get that you're just making sure my ๐ stay yours but I can't help falling for it Janis: Gotta do what I gotta do Janis: even if it means Karen-ing out Jimmy: not too busy for that? Janis: never too busy for a brawl Janis: um, defending your honour, I mean Jimmy: priorities Jimmy: ๐๐๐ Janis: Baby Janis: you ARE my priority Jimmy: *๐๐๐ฐ Janis: what are you doing right now Janis: โ๐ฐ Jimmy: difference is I could and would be able to still โ๐จ if I had you here on this counter an' all Jimmy: ๐s ain't letting you do owt but ๐ Janis: Trying to work out if you want me to give you the chance to prove that or not Jimmy: you think I've got owt to prove? Janis: Not to me Jimmy: who else? Jimmy: you're the only one I'm bothered about Janis: then Jimmy: then what? Janis: If I get time Janis: and get rid of all these dogs at a point Janis: I could try to come in Jimmy: ๐ซ๐ค Jimmy: but Janis: I know Janis: it's bullshit but Janis: I mean that I'll try Jimmy: it's not nowt that you mean that Janis: I am doing the route 'round mine though Janis: typically Janis: so it will take me a while regardless Jimmy: I'll be here ages Jimmy: maybe he wants to make his move after I've flipped the sign to closed Janis: doesn't he know we're the only ones allowed to be cliche Jimmy: knows nowt unless it's written in the work groupchat Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: kind of you Janis: I could just pull up on him Jimmy: STOP OMG ๐คค๐คค๐คค๐๐ Janis: ๐ Jimmy: [a selfie with the manager in the background and he's drawn a ๐ฏ on him like] Janis: [finger gun selfie like pew pew] Jimmy: alright, don't keep reminding me how fit you are Janis: heaven forbid ANYONE forgets Janis: gonna take SO many selfies tonight Jimmy: Oi Janis: *couple goals selfies Jimmy: ๐ท's my job, dickhead Jimmy: don't matter if I'm in 'em or not Janis: so possessive about your ๐ธ Jimmy: bollocks am I, I've offered to lend it loads of times Janis: must be the muse then Jimmy: she is ๐ฅ Janis: you're pretty good Jimmy: but I could teach you ๐ธ there's nowt you could teach any dickhead about how you're ๐ฅ Janis: ๐ธ not the only thing you're ๐ฅ at Jimmy: there's a list you've got, so I've heard Janis: more than a maybe Janis: โ Jimmy: ๐ Janis: you can have another Janis: at midnight Janis: better than a ๐ from a drunk randomer Jimmy: you're still gonna kiss me though Jimmy: ! and ? Janis: look weird if I didn't Jimmy: if you don't wanna I'll arrange to be ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ in the ๐ฝ with Ella and Tammy Janis: highly doubt #2 has the energy to fake tears, let alone produce 'em Jimmy: just me and the tiktok ๐ then Jimmy: bit weird and cosy but Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: *๐ you mean Janis: you know I want to Jimmy: you have to, I'm turning the night round for you, as promised Janis: and that's your answer, yeah? Jimmy: if your question's how I'm gonna do it, I ain't gonna answer Jimmy: โฒ and ๐ Janis: alright Janis: not promising patience Jimmy: I know what you're like, it's alright Jimmy: nowt if not used to that, me Janis: sound more put upon Janis: dickhead Jimmy: UGHHHHHHHHHHHH Jimmy: there you go Janis: ha ha Janis: ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ** there YOU go Jimmy: **๐๐๐๐๐๐ Janis: you'll do yourself an injury Jimmy: not ANOTHER one ๐ป Janis: you brought it up, that time Janis: let the record show Jimmy: but it's you who's making it sound like I need to chuck a load of fragile stickers on my head Jimmy: good job it's massive Janis: I am not Jimmy: ๐ girl Janis: get in the group chat if you wanna chat like that Janis: BOY Jimmy: never left, I'd be GUTTED to miss one of Asia's POSSIBLE ootds Janis: stay in there Jimmy: [sends her the worst of these lewks] Janis: What's she going for with that... Janis: I? Jimmy: ๐ง? Jimmy: hang on, no, it's OBVS ๐ฆจ Janis: the slaggy one from Bambi Jimmy: very on brand of her Janis: interesting theme Janis: bit characters from retro disney Jimmy: ๐๐ must've sorted it Jimmy: โ ๐'s on brand for her Janis: she thinks the queen but definitely the crone Jimmy: don't she eat the lass' ๐ in the ๐? have to get her calorie counter app out Janis: actually a pigs heart so factor that in, babe Jimmy: ๐ for her Janis: so much fat Janis: don't fancy it any more on the way back up Jimmy: I don't fancy my ๐ช๐ง๐ฅ no more, tah for that, mate Jimmy: gonna look so skinny in a bit now Janis: **less fat Janis: don't get carried away Jimmy: ILY 2 BABES ๐๐ Jimmy: such BFF goals, us Janis: rival ๐๐ n #2 Jimmy: ๐๐๐ฅ Janis: is she still with my brother or what Jimmy: dunno Jimmy: been a bit busy telling Asia she's dead brave for going with that ๐ Janis: ๐ Janis: shame she's thick enough to be expecting the ๐ฅ in the post Jimmy: I'll ask ๐๐ if she's doing a couple's outfit if #2 answers we'll have ours about your brother Janis: ๐ก Janis: can't accuse you of the same today Jimmy: [sends her whatever the answer is] Janis: [probably should still be together for the drama and we're not committing you to ages here so] Janis: ๐๐ Jimmy: you'll have even more fun ruining it Janis: yeah Janis: we will Jimmy: ๐ we can't steal the ๐ค off her with some MASSIVE announcement Janis: we could fake one but fake calling off the engagement is more hardcore than fake break up, remember that Jimmy: don't worry me Jimmy: every dickhead knows LDRs don't work Janis: neither does teen marriage Janis: not #goals either Jimmy: What then? ๐ ๐? ๐? Janis: fucked if I know Jimmy: โ๏ธ tickets ๐ Janis: yeah Janis: that's never not Janis: and easy to fake Janis: easy for us, anyway Jimmy: ๐ Janis: where we fake going then Jimmy: Where do you wanna go? Janis: ๐ธ๐๐โโจ OBVS Janis: but we should say your hometown Janis: most believable Janis: awh factor is a bonus Janis: you'll have ๐ธs Jimmy: you sure? Jimmy: nowt #goals about being there Janis: the #trust is the #goals bit Janis: anyway, you aren't going to have an actual break from CG for a million years so Janis: only a long weekend, all we have to do is hide the whole time, what's not to ๐? Jimmy: I get it, this is 'cause I said that whatever we do is #goals Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll make it look ๐ธ๐๐โโจ Janis: Sure you can Janis: don't you think it's a good idea Janis: could go over dead cheap, no one is going to think it's a stretch Jimmy: it'll do Janis: no one'd give me sympathy for my fake miscarriage so Janis: yeah, have to Jimmy: know our audience Janis: any bitch with half a brain'd reckon it ๐ to get away with the sob story not the unwanted brat Jimmy: don't need any fake kids to raise an' all, got enough on with the real ones Janis: exactly Janis: be well rude of me Jimmy: bag of sugar'd just disappear into my tea Jimmy: near enough a murder Janis: ๐ there's slow n painful and then there's that Jimmy: bit bored of the rumours going about but Jimmy: end up with some right weirdos in my DMs if we went with that Janis: you rate the ones you got now then? Jimmy: as harmless enough Jimmy: the only ๐๐๐ pact I want is the one we have Janis: right answer Jimmy: I'll give you loads more of them before tonight's over with Janis: I'll give you whatever you like Janis: can't promise it'll be what you wish for at midnight but Jimmy: what you're NOT a ๐ง ๐? Janis: I am, OBVIOUSLY Janis: just don't think I can get it done, soz Jimmy: ? Janis: ๐คซ Janis: can't reveal my secrets Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: mm ๐ Jimmy: did fall for how mysterious you are so Janis: that's the story Jimmy: ๐ Janis: who HASN'T fallen for my mystery, that's the question Jimmy: if this were a film or something one of them dogs would've cocked his leg on you as that sent Janis: rude Janis: if it was a film, I'd bump into a ๐ man and he'd be so unimpressed and I'd be so ๐ณ Jimmy: that murderer from a bit ago popping back Janis: ๐ Jimmy: come bump into me, there ain't a more ๐๐ง about Janis: *Bill trying to get the story back on track Jimmy: I promise you'll be SO ๐ณ Janis: you're Janis: distracting me Jimmy: you started it Janis: you asked for it Jimmy: I will if it means I can have it Janis: try it then Jimmy: please Janis: yep Janis: okay Janis: let me just Jimmy: just hurry up, please Janis: I am Janis: you don't need to keep saying it and killing me Jimmy: [a voice memo to keep saying it and killing her obvs] Jimmy: do I not? alright Janis: I hate you a bit Jimmy: only ๐ค? Janis: only? Janis: this doesn't feel like only Jimmy: so how much do you really hate me? Janis: so fucking much Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: got loads of ideas, me Jimmy: done nowt but think about you since I got here Janis: taking it despite the obvious Jimmy: where you obviously are on the fuming scale, yeah Janis: the obvious fact that your job is boring and so are your customers Jimmy: and co-workers Janis: your girlfriend ain't working then Jimmy: bit rude to call Pete a lass, his hair ain't even that long Janis: not who I meant but I'd know if he was in you'd be ๐ and ignoring me Jimmy: who did you mean? Janis: idk her name Janis: hillary Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: loads of dickheads have called in sick, bit weird that Janis: so strange Janis: going about, that Jimmy: she's probably one, whoever you mean Janis: hannah? Janis: lucy? Janis: you know who I mean Jimmy: I don't Janis: ugh Janis: the one that gave me evils Jimmy: her? ain't seen her since then Jimmy: assumed you'd murdered her Janis: fuck around and find out Jimmy: how'd you do it then? Janis: made her drink some bleach instead of putting it on her head for once Janis: easy Jimmy: Bill must've been chuffed to bits Janis: his idea, if anyone asks Jimmy: should've used a dagger if you wanted him to take the fall Jimmy: #obsessed Janis: didn't float one to me in time Janis: his own fault Jimmy: part timer Janis: thought you were accusing me Jimmy: you're not a piss poor ๐ป Janis: tah Janis: ๐ Jimmy: far as your ๐ง rating goes Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: see the evidence of that Janis: speaks for itself so Janis: ๐ Jimmy: I don't have the teeth or owt and I've done as decent of a job Jimmy: that speaks for itself an' all Janis: speaks for how irresistible I am Jimmy: gonna have to stop calling you ๐ช๐๐ฅ if this pissing about keeps on Janis: I told you I had to finish up THEN get to town Janis: cheek of you Jimmy: cheek of you to ever call me soft, more like Janis: steady on Jimmy: should give you the nicest ๐ง๐ Jimmy: hang on, I'll knock one up Janis: I'll be a laughing stock Janis: you should be dead/my servant by now Jimmy: that's what I'm saying Jimmy: sort your head out, mate Jimmy: ๐๐๐ me Janis: no Janis: 'cos you want it, that's nice Jimmy: I'll fake a will to live for a bit Jimmy: come on Janis: you want mean Janis: ๐ถ Jimmy: I want whatever you want, my dear Jimmy: that's what I'm here for Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐๐ Janis: it'd be a nightmare being with someone like that Janis: actually Jimmy: do you reckon any dickheads are actually going on like that? Janis: yeah Janis: plenty Janis: happy wife happy life shit Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: my sisters bloke is like that Jimmy: @iantaylor8 he'd be able to crack onto so many more Sharons with that bollocks Janis: he would NEVER Janis: do what you like, drown out the nagging Jimmy: never be able to keep it up but he's only gotta get them within โ distance of the sink Janis: ๐ฌ bear it Jimmy: we all will, owt to avoid having to do the washing up myself, OBVS Jimmy: too much of a #lad for it Janis: keep walking if you reckon I will Janis: not in the contract Jimmy: not a kink ๐ and there's nowt about it in Bill's script, you're alright, Jillian Janis: ๐ Janis: in other news, dropped the last dog off Jimmy: didn't drop a โ in my rush to ๐๐ hearing that but a shitter ๐คน might've done Janis: you know how far it is to mine now, you're holding off on the excitement, like Jimmy: stamina like mine, bloody have to ๐ด๐ Janis: ๐ Janis: put my outfit n shit in a bag so we can go from yours later? Jimmy: loads later, after we've been alone for AGES, yeah? Janis: yeah Janis: ruining their party/life ain't gonna take all night Jimmy: few minutes if that Janis: you got plans for the rest of our time, right Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Jimmy: you know I have Janis: I like having confirmation Janis: sue me Jimmy: you helping me apply โจ is a good bit of it Janis: I don't know if I'm gonna want to go anywhere after that Jimmy: I'll carry you โ Jimmy: where the fuck does she live? Janis: safe to say too far for that Janis: โ Jimmy: [the most pouty selfie of all time] Janis: ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ Janis: stop Janis: we'll take loads of breaks on the way, yeah? Jimmy: ๐ฌ Janis: something like that Jimmy: as addictive as that Janis: I Janis: wish your dad's car was still here Janis: and I'm going to get ready Jimmy: If my manager weren't, I'd bring you it Janis: never there 'til you don't want him to be ๐ฉ๐ Jimmy: what comes of not being a paddy round here is that, no luck Janis: ๐ poor boy Jimmy: ๐ป๐ป Jimmy: least you like the accent, makes it a bit less ๐ Janis: it's on the list, no spoilers though, wait and ๐ what else is Jimmy: not even if I ๐ฅบ again? Janis: [gonna have to stop this now, ugh, fuck you shit nan] Jimmy: ? Jimmy: [later when she obvs has not replied] Jimmy: really dedicated to no spoilers, you Jimmy: did your phone ๐๐๐ or what? Jimmy: [a bit later again] Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: if you're fake tanning without me, FUMING Jimmy: [and again] Jimmy: You alright? Jimmy: [even later] Jimmy: Where the fuck've you gone? Jimmy: I'll be done in a bit Jimmy: [and when he's done] Jimmy: answer me, dickhead or I'll ๐ Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: [later still] Jimmy: What's going on? Jimmy: this is doing my head in now Jimmy: just Jimmy: [even later later] Jimmy: tell me you're not ๐๐๐ Jimmy: please Jimmy: [later later later] Jimmy: or owt else Jimmy: ๐จ ย any bollocks Jimmy: [after whatever lies Grace has told because why not] Jimmy: She don't look enough like you to act as stand in Jimmy: as understudies go, I wouldn't bother next time if I were you Jimmy: don't know why I'm still bothering with this Jimmy: you're not Jimmy: ๐ Janis: [So clearly, going to be gone for a few days but be back before school starts] Jimmy: [do you wanna do that they don't see each other/he doesn't know she's back until school though or do that before as well?] Janis: [we were going to do the kid's birthday party thing I think?] Jimmy: [yeah that should definitely be as soon as she's back for max awkwardness I'm just wondering how he's gonna know she is lol so I thought maybe they'd have to do a school day first or something idk] Janis: [oh yeah, we could do it like that, that works, it's usually 4-6th is so] Jimmy: [cos like I think we did before that he saw her ๐๐ but I doubt she'd be taking dogs over the park opposite his house casually so school feels like the only place they would run into each other cos likewise not gonna go order a latte so unless she's on route to mcvickers and they run into each other that way because it's right by his house? but I feel like she'd think of that and maybe avoid there too] Janis: [we'll go with it, awkward] Jimmy: [the other question is has he covered for her/keep up the fake dating vibes or has there been zero content because obvs relevant either way] Janis: [up to you, as she did not ask this time, and clearly she can't have been posting anything] Jimmy: [yeah I'm not sure how much he'd be able to do onesided lol like he could've had pics and stuff that they haven't posted before etc but like if there's nothing from her I don't know how they'd account for that unless it's like a I lost my phone/ it's broken cliche but if he doesn't post anything peeps are gonna be like ???!! so which he'd wanna avoid so I could see him covering without being asked] Janis: [do your best boy, got faith, clearly the first thing we do when we get back is post something of our own] Jimmy: [plus it makes it more awkward when they do see each other in person because they'd have to keep up the fakery because there has been no lull far as the fans are concerned] Janis: [and we haven't actually done school fakery yet so, I hope it's a day you have a lot of classes apart lol] Jimmy: [do we wanna say they interact first in a class they don't have because like you said posting on socials again and we can awkwardly talk here or throw them straight into being together asap and having to navigate that?] Janis: [I think she would say something, tbh, not just show up like that] Jimmy: [okay then, have fun working out what you're gonna say boo] Janis: Sorry, didn't take my phone Janis: do catch up now Jimmy: I worked that out Janis: Yeah, Grace told you right Jimmy: โ Janis: ๐ stuff Janis: told her to Jimmy: you can crack on giving her a ๐ Jimmy: she'll be chuffed Janis: Bit far Janis: but ๐ง like hers, glad she remembered Jimmy: lies and fake bollocks comes natural to her, that'll be why Janis: don't think she went to the party, actually Jimmy: got that in common Janis: Yeah Janis: shame but sure it was still shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: she looks ๐ข rn Janis: and she's usually buzzing for psychics so Janis: something happened Jimmy: or didn't Janis: she'd be keeping it DL if she got dumped or her next victim didn't show so yeah Janis: possible Jimmy: might just be daddy didn't bring the right ๐ back Jimmy: don't get more ๐ than your soulmate not actually understanding you Janis: no postcard Janis: makes sense Jimmy: I've done my ๐ญ that you didn't bother Janis: no ๐ฑ no ๐ Jimmy: no ๐ฉธ Jimmy: #starving๐งproblems Janis: not looking ๐ I don't think Jimmy: don't matter, there's ages before I have to give you ๐ IRL Jimmy: can practice on sir til then Janis: thank GOD Jimmy: find him at your brother's house? makes sense, ALWAYS going on about loving the gays Janis: Adds up, right? Jimmy: more than this lesson plan Jimmy: but that's saying nowt, sir's clearly had a rough go of ๐ Janis: ain't we all Janis: no need to ๐ญ Jimmy: weren't about to get the ๐ปs out, you're alright Janis: talking about him, anyway Janis: you're fine Jimmy: ๐ Janis: what's wrong? Jimmy: what are you going on about? Jimmy: I'm fine, you said it Janis: Alright Janis: you seem off Jimmy: not ๐ about school Jimmy: or still being here for it Janis: #therelatablemoodoftheday Jimmy: right Janis: Well I go home for lunch so don't worry about having to come find me then Janis: just english and detention, unavoidably so Jimmy: bit far, isn't it? Janis: I don't go home home, walk some dogs, if I have time, or go for a run Jimmy: just #bants mate Jimmy: even I've got that much of a grasp on where shit is Jimmy: and reading a clock Janis: a fair question, not a side-splitter Jimmy: weren't gonna have time to find you then any road, got my own home to go to and ๐ to ๐ Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐ in a bit then Janis: thought the lesson were shit Jimmy: know what you're like ๐ค be a bit rude not to leave you to crack on with yours Janis: well considerate Jimmy: ๐ Janis: can pretend we're doing the same dog walk Janis: in that vein Jimmy: [sends her some pics of Twix on a walk because Bobby would take like 4 million] Janis: sorted Janis: very cute Jimmy: save it for the caption, Joan Janis: I can do better than that Janis: not half-arsing it Jimmy: remembered your phone today, for starters Jimmy: ๐ Janis: I didn't forget it, I just left it Jimmy: weren't pulling your weight either way Janis: yeah, I know Janis: no one does anything in January Janis: easy to get back on track now Jimmy: we've not been off track 'cause I ain't been off the clock Janis: alright, thanks Janis: I didn't tell you to Janis: or tell Grace to tell you that Jimmy: you didn't tell me fuck all Jimmy: and I didn't do it for you Janis: well I gave you a perfect excuse to not to Jimmy: I didn't fancy DMs full of lasses offering to take your place from the new year's ๐ onwards Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐ is right Janis: if I can't go out the city without them pouncing then clearly we're not doing enough Jimmy: can't control what they do Jimmy: more #goals we are, the more they wanna step into your role Janis: fucking hell, okay Mr Perfect Janis: then what? Jimmy: what did you think would happen? Jimmy: there's loads of fans that are just ๐๐๐น an' all Jimmy: ๐๐ฟ Janis: what is the plan for if not that Janis: you'll not put off everyone but if it's not better then it's broken Jimmy: if you want out, piss off out Janis: I'm not the one complaining Jimmy: neither am I Jimmy: I'm catching you up with what I did and why Janis: Great Jimmy: can't win with you Jimmy: mardy when I say nowt and when I ๐จ Janis: You're the one in a mood Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: you want me to be Jimmy: going on and on about it Janis: yeah, that makes sense Jimmy: never said it did Jimmy: should've told you to sort your head out Janis: fuck off Janis: I'm good Jimmy: that's more on brand for you, babe Jimmy: on you go Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐ Janis: ha ha Jimmy: funny's more on brand for you an' all Jimmy: said it before Janis: what's your brand then? Jimmy: ๐๐ฌ Janis: yeah Janis: well you've not good a good grasp on mine so I'll decide, thanks Janis: got* Jimmy: got loads of time to do the โ while sir ๐จ and ๐ญ Janis: you don't need a list Jimmy: don't have one, so you reckon Janis: You've got the wrong โ Jimmy: got no โ about your branding Janis: don't matter Janis: only the fake Jimmy: if it don't matter why bother telling me I'm wrong? Janis: so you stop telling me what I am Jimmy: I get it, that bit matters Janis: if I've got to hear you chatting shit, yeah Jimmy: you only wanna have your go at it, I get that an' all Jimmy: ๐ซ๐ Janis: what have I said Jimmy: nowt but bollocks, that's the point Janis: You made it clear you don't wanna talk Jimmy: you started it Janis: I couldn't take my phone Jimmy: you could've made a tin can ๐ by now, you've had days Janis: I was a bit busy Jimmy: you know what I mean Jimmy: if you wanted to talk to me, you would've Janis: that's actually not true Jimmy: what your brother's not got a ๐ or ๐ป Jimmy: it's just bollocks Jimmy: takes a minute to tell me you're alright yourself Janis: I didn't have a minute Janis: I clearly weren't at my brothers Janis: I told you that so you could put that out there if you didn't want to do the whole show yourself Jimmy: yeah 'cause that's what I'm bothered about Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: I did my best not to leave you in the lurch Jimmy: I don't fucking care what the fake story is Janis: I'm sorry alright Jimmy: stop being a twat Janis: Charming Jimmy: it's not about how ๐๐ป๐ญ it were or weren't for me Janis: what then Janis: go on Jimmy: you, dickhead Janis: what do you mean, me? Jimmy: if you need the list, you couldn't take your phone, didn't have a minute to grab one, weren't at your brothers, all shit you've said just now Jimmy: and before at the park you said you've stayed there Jimmy: I'm not thick, alright Janis: Shit happened Janis: it's not my mum Jimmy: you don't have to tell me, but there's no need to chat bollocks Janis: Don't change that I went either way Janis: I don't think you're thick Jimmy: just leave it out acting like you went on holiday Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: I heard you up there Janis: I don't know what to say else Jimmy: I'll let you ๐ค Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I still want to talk to you Jimmy: @ me you're got loads of that to do Janis: ๐ Janis: If you like Jimmy: if you like Jimmy: not me who's got writers block Janis: you've told me what you don't wanna hear, not what you do Jimmy: since when do I need to? Janis: That's fairly obvious Jimmy: never been my job to feed you lines Jimmy: @ Bill's ๐ป for a bit of that if you need a hand Janis: don't have no problem with the fake story Janis: [do some socials, to that point] Jimmy: [just doing a socials sesh because it's simpler to be fake than handle how we really feel] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: ๐โ Janis: tah Janis: means a lot Jimmy: not patting you on the back for doing your bit Janis: I can see the evidence right there Jimmy: ๐ Janis: more like it Jimmy: piss off and do your physics ๐ค Janis: it's all ๐ and ๐ฅ Janis: nothing nerdy about that Janis: what are you doing? Jimmy: drying sir's eyes Jimmy: sure it means loads to him an' all Janis: I meant subject but pop off Janis: Lucas is going to be so upset Janis: CONSTANT job Jimmy: that'll be why I'm getting my practice is, gonna be so ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ to FINALLY see him again, muscle memory'll have to do Jimmy: *in Janis: you'll do great Janis: ๐ธ Jimmy: ๐ฅ or nowt Janis: Lucky him Jimmy: DUH he deserves nowt but the best Jimmy: I'm the lucky one to have all this detention โฒ Jimmy: โญ๐ Janis: you can ask for alone time then Janis: see if he goes for it Jimmy: doubt that Janis: Yay Jimmy: gonna have to work harder than that at saying it like you mean it Janis: I don't Janis: it's bullshit Jimmy: ๐ for him Janis: I've not thought about him all holiday Janis: almost forgot Jimmy: should've added more ๐๐๐ Jimmy: SO cruel, you Jimmy: he'll have ๐ญ of nowt else Janis: how he likes it Janis: no pain no gain Jimmy: all part of your plan, I get it, Judith Janis: don't always miss Jimmy: SUCH an athlete, I remember ๐ Janis: it helps, I guess Jimmy: ๐ฅ
โฝ๏ธ Janis: alright Janis: ๐ Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: I don't want a compliment Janis: I'm trying to Janis: never mind Jimmy: it's not much of one with nowt to back it up still, I get that an' all Janis: sure you'll still be here when the season starts Jimmy: bit rude Janis: realistic Jimmy: ๐ Janis: it's like next week, calm down Jimmy: not sitting here fuming about owt you ๐ญ Janis: alright Jimmy: @iantaylor8 with your reassurances that we'll still be here, he'd be chuffed to hear 'em Janis: not my fault Jimmy: it ain't mine that you can't take a compliment Janis: you're not trying to compliment me, I'm not thick Jimmy: don't need to try for a start Jimmy: you're the one who's got catching up to do Janis: and I'm doing it Janis: what looks more suspicious than love bombing you the entire day Jimmy: nowt suspicious about that to our audience but alright Janis: fuck's sake Janis: [more socials] Jimmy: ๐๐๐น Janis: piss off Jimmy: you Janis: happily Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: yep Jimmy: [sends her whatever drawings he did for the days she was gone because he said he'd do one every day bye] Janis: I get it Janis: yeah Jimmy: that you're so hard done by having to do owt that I thought I'd give you a hand with bollocks you can post, yeah Janis: no, that you've held that shit down, and I am grateful Janis: but as you said you don't care, and I had more pressing shit to deal with, I'm not going to say thank you forever Jimmy: I don't want you to say tah, not that dickhead Janis: just to hold it over me, you're THAT dickhead Janis: ? Jimmy: OBVS if that's how it's coming across that's how it is Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: I'd rather you just came out and said what you want to say Janis: or didn't say anything if you've got nothing, whatever Janis: this is stupid Jimmy: you weren't having it when I had nowt to say Janis: because I stupidly thought you might have Janis: if that's actually the case then sorted Janis: no worries Jimmy: same page then, us Jimmy: 'cause what have you said? Janis: Sorry, multiple times, thanks as well Janis: and I've been trying to talk and you keep shutting me down with bullshit Jimmy: yeah alright, it's my fault that I don't wanna hear that bollocks Janis: how the fuck would you know what I'm going to say, you haven't let me say it Jimmy: it were you who said you've got nowt else but sorry Janis: believe whatever you like Jimmy: it's a copout for dickheads who don't wanna really ๐จ Janis: no it ain't Janis: if I owe someone an apology, I say it Jimmy: you might as well say piss off or leave it out, that's what it means, I wanna crack the fuck on as if this didn't happen Janis: I know I should've given you more warning Janis: and I wanted to, but I didn't Janis: so I'm not going to keep telling you all the things I wanted to do or should've Janis: what's the point Jimmy: the point is that you don't need to keep chucking me a word that's just shut up and take my excuses Jimmy: 'cause they aren't, you did what you had to Jimmy: more fake bollocks is only that, fuck all use to me or you Janis: I'm not being fake Janis: I only lied when I weren't here to make being honest worth something Jimmy: it were worth something before Janis: now it ain't Jimmy: that a ? or ! Janis: closer to a ? but you've already answered it Jimmy: the only question worth bothering with is if you're alright and you've still not answered that Janis: I'm here ain't I Jimmy: not what I asked though Jimmy: I'm here an' all, don't mean I'm ๐ about it Janis: that's the point Janis: how can I look like anything but a spoilt brat when you want to go just as bad but you can't Jimmy: Do you need somewhere to stay or what? Jimmy: while I'm stuck here you can Janis: no I can't Jimmy: you heard me just say you can Jimmy: not a bloody me vs you for who's more ๐ป๐ป Janis: I've had worse new years Janis: if you can believe that Jimmy: me an' all ๐ as missing that party were Janis: yeah Janis: Grace didn't go either Janis: ๐๐๐ฌ Jimmy: just come over if you need to, fuck's sake Janis: how's that gonna work then Janis: on any level Jimmy: you pick if you want the sofa, a bed or the trampoline and then you go ๐ด on it Janis: alright, I've got a vague idea how sleeping works Janis: 1. your dad exists 2. so do your siblings 3. and you, soz to put you last as per Jimmy: 1. but he don't matter 2. they've been waiting for you to wheel your suitcases in since they heard about you existing ย 3. why would I offer if I were bothered about having you about Jimmy: had worse people under the same roof Jimmy: @ every Sharon Janis: 'cos that's the low bar I wanna step over Jimmy: I'll compare you to my ex if you'd rather Jimmy: what could be more #goals Janis: why else would the kids be expecting it Janis: good for that too Jimmy: ๐ Janis: anyway, you do realize we'd have to fake it like 24/7 Janis: I'll figure something out Jimmy: who for? Janis: ๐ฆ Jimmy: he's not gonna @ anyone Jimmy: ๐ might Janis: yeah he will Janis: on the tin can to say the wedding is SO off Jimmy: I'll let you in when he's ๐ด if you're that ๐๐๐ Janis: I'm not scared Jimmy: you know where I live, Jasmine, make up your own mind Janis: can I say thanks or will you get fuming again Jimmy: piss off Janis: thought so Jimmy: ๐ Janis: I reckon my grandparents might let me stay Janis: I haven't spoke to them yet so we'll see, yeah Jimmy: alright Jimmy: give me a bell on the tin can ๐ Janis: ๐ Jimmy: or get Gracie to tell me, if that's your new favourite method Janis: ๐ Janis: come on Janis: needs must Janis: didn't have your number Jimmy: won't spread it about that you didn't memorise it soon as I gave it you Jimmy: be a right mixed message for the fans after all your tweets and that a bit ago Janis: I'll tattoo it on a digit I can stand to lose if you want Janis: made the emergency contact list a while back Jimmy: what's the plan, dramatically ๐ช the little one off next time you break a ๐ค? Jimmy: very ๐ญ Janis: alright Bill, put him back on Janis: I went off script, so shoot me Janis: make you feel better Jimmy: do what I can to rein him in but it looks like he's missed you Jimmy: or the back and forth at any rate Jimmy: just me and him's a bit Janis: glad someone has Jimmy: offered you a ๐ and ๐ถ's full attention but you didn't fancy it Janis: not what I said Janis: aren't meant to take someone up on their offer when it's too much Jimmy: weren't offering to chuck everyone else out and give you the ๐ Jimmy: calm yourself down Janis: thank god Janis: makes it all alright Jimmy: you're making it weird Janis: how am I Jimmy: it's just somewhere to go Jimmy: nowt else Janis: yeah, I know Janis: I'm not saying it means anything more than it does Jimmy: it's too much were what you said Janis: like, you don't know what you're offering, not too much like I don't think it's ๐ that you did offer Jimmy: what about not thinking I were thick a bit ago? Janis: I don't Jimmy: then how do I not know what I'm going on about Janis: Okay Janis: if I need a place to crash, I'll make sure I ๐ฌ you first Jimmy: ๐ Janis: What are we going to do about Lucas though Janis: that's what's really important Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Janis: ๐ค Janis: it's tricky, don't want to extend the time spent Janis: but we need to make it as ๐๐ฅ for him Jimmy: we can hack ๐๐'s ๐ don't get more ๐๐ฅ than that Janis: ugh, should've got him a present Jimmy: still time Janis: you got art today? Janis: make him a bowl for his keys Jimmy: ๐ I don't do woodwork, could've knocked him up a tie rack Janis: missed a trick Janis: I've got bio Janis: could...bring him a dissected frog? Jimmy: could ALWAYS make him a โ Janis: you wanna be his favourite, I get it Jimmy: easiest way to get the โ in Jimmy: wanna be Bill's fav forever Janis: you are stuck with him for that long Janis: and ๐๐ซ breath is already that bad so go for it Jimmy: what if he comes back as a ๐ป an' all? Janis: he is bitter and can't let go of the ex Janis: tracks Janis: let me drain him Jimmy: I can't, he'll taste so bad Jimmy: not that fuming at you Janis: good to know Janis: I'm trying to remember what gets him ๐ค ๐ ๐ก ๐คฌ on the scale Janis: beyond seeing me RUINED Jimmy: ๐จ Janis: yeah Janis: ๐ and ๐ฑ Jimmy: I'll do you some paper planes to go with your boat Janis: ๐ฅ๐คก things Janis: that will piss him off, especially with your aim Jimmy: should practice my ๐คน you're right Jimmy: but there's nowt wrong with my aim, happens to every ๐ด when they have a piss, that, shut up Janis: makes me want to move in right away Janis: ๐ Jimmy: job done Janis: your poor sister Janis: it's probably the only plus to having majority sisters Jimmy: don't @ her Jimmy: she ain't a fan of ย ๐ป Janis: bit weird Janis: if anyone is in her DMs chatting about piss she needs to ๐จ Jimmy: *๐ฅ Janis: that too Janis: goes without saying Jimmy: goes off the fuming scale an' all Janis: yeah, I know Janis: wasn't taking the piss Jimmy: funny Janis: ugh Janis: shut up Jimmy: ๐ Janis: you're an idiot Jimmy: still waiting for my ๐ you keep saying it Janis: if you can piss into it I'll be impressed Jimmy: easy Janis: then I'll find you one Janis: don't do metalwork ๐ Jimmy: no point making you promise if you won't cut your finger off so ๐ right back Janis: when did I say I wouldn't? Jimmy: ages ago Janis: I was the one who suggested it Jimmy: sounds fake, that Janis: I told you I've got the needle, you bring the ink Jimmy: give us something to do that ain't writing whatever lines Lucas wants to read back when we've pissed off Janis: I dread to think how close to the bone he's gonna go Janis: I MUST NOT BE A MASSIVE SLAG Jimmy: closer than me with that needle Jimmy: don't tell Bill but I might rip off that film and write Lucas a ๐ Janis: ๐ธ Jimmy: *๐ Janis: ๐ค Jimmy: that's you Janis: fuck off is it Jimmy: fuck off is it me Janis: ๐ is me and I don't even want to be Jimmy: I forgot about him Jimmy: you can have that Janis: yeah, exactly, dickhead Janis: he's boring and he's got daddy issues Jimmy: I'll be the mute lass who you only ๐ when she takes her eyeliner off Janis: fits Janis: what you'd look like if you were a girl/one of your coworkers Jimmy: piss off Janis: tell me I'm wrong, 'cos you'd be wrong Jimmy: I'm saying nowt to you, dickhead Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: more ๐ than the gobby ginger, suppose Jimmy: If I leave it out with the dandruff desk ๐จ for my ๐จ Janis: ๐คข Jimmy: stop at the sugar sandwich Janis: That's alright Janis: know you're a fat bitch Jimmy: might start a fake pregnancy rumour but I'll make sure they know it's my ๐ฅง๐ฅ๐บ๐ถ sharpish Janis: so not only am I lesbian, also got a dick Janis: ๐๐ก Jimmy: Oi, never said it were yours, sir can step up and be a man after he's sacked Janis: well that's just rude Janis: stop pushing me out the picture dickhead Jimmy: you left, Jules Jimmy: we were all ๐๐ป๐ญ Janis: I'm literally right here Jimmy: where's ๐๐? Jimmy: #scaleupdates Janis: ๐ฃ hurting her head trying to work out why my sister didn't show Janis: ๐คฏ when she invents the story to tell the rest of the gals Jimmy: alright, and where's the physics classroom? Jimmy: I've got today's ๐จ for you, didn't bother to draw it on my desk so you might as well have it Janis: [classroom #] Janis: would've been gas if you picked up and stole the desk but she'll still be ๐ญ ๐ค Jimmy: hang on, I'll re-do it Janis: you can still give me the paper one Janis: as well Jimmy: for when some dickhead draws all over your face Janis: I don't know about that Janis: I just want it Jimmy: okay Janis: though I do look forward to seeing the charming contributions from the fans and the haters alike, obvs Jimmy: ๐ Janis: so many ๐s Jimmy: [my idea is he's drawn her sleeping and adorable curled up on the sofa with Twix or something because of that bit of the convo so however long it would take him to redraw that on a desk and then he's bringing it for a casual desk swap lol hey everyone] Janis: [everyone SHOOKETH, the teacher like hello??? we'd wanna kiss him so bad but settle for a hug hun] Jimmy: [likewise his teacher and classmates ?? where you going boy] Janis: [the casual drama y'all have caused, love to see it] Jimmy: [that hug would be everything though] Janis: ['til you get separated for stealing tables and defacing them lollollol but seriously SO intense] Jimmy: [should we put him isolation for a bit to mean they literally can't see each other until detention and ramp up the tension?] Janis: [definitely] Jimmy: [we'll have other chances to do awks shared lessons I'm sure] Janis: [naturally, this makes better drama] Jimmy: [soz not soz to Mr Lucas for that vibe in detention] Janis: [you'll probably love it perv lmao] Janis: you got a spare ๐? Janis: I'll let your dog out at lunch time Jimmy: [different locations where he's hidden them so Cass can't find and deliberately lose them all how she do] Jimmy: Tah Janis: fair's fair Janis: I'll ๐ธ so it's #goals Jimmy: ๐๐'s story can't, she don't have enough fans Jimmy: hatewatch'll only get you so far Janis: [OBVIOUSLY publicly answering the DMs of what happened because we know the fans would and like OMG LET ME SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT 'cos probably getting so over-dramaticized as it do] Janis: I've got it Janis: [publicly name and shame Ella with an anon she clearly wrote like ๐ you] Jimmy: I forgot #2 were about Janis: didn't we all Janis: she survived xmas ๐ฑ maybe they got her to eat a sprout Jimmy: ๐ค it were a ๐ฅ of horseradish Janis: if her oesophagus wasn't burning before Janis: #festivebants Jimmy: cracker pull heart attack or nowt, tah hun Janis: ๐ด๐ Janis: literally Jimmy: speaking of, this school got a nurse or just the therapist? Janis: think the receptionist knows first aid and that's your lot Janis: why? Jimmy: probably not ๐ก๐ฅ to chuck desks about Jimmy: but I'll live Janis: soz to hear that Janis: you can't really tell 'em, it'd be less of a decent excuse to go home and more of a let's talk about home ๐ Janis: hang on Jimmy: @ Helena Jimmy: fact she ain't in here for dealing is a pisstake Janis: but actually though Janis: we've got PE next Janis: I'll get you some Jimmy: not just gonna let you in here, we're too starcrossed Janis: I can scuff a blister or two under the door as I walk past Janis: I'll just tell you when I'm gonna so you can walk to the bin or whatever the fuck Jimmy: ๐๐๐ Janis: you be alright 'til then? Janis: she's too thick for physics and be a bit obvious if I run in and snatch her bag so Jimmy: lesson's near over Jimmy: dunno what took me longer, your hair or the ๐'s Janis: so nice, you Jimmy: yeah, I know Jimmy: loads of lads would've found a lass with shorter hair to be their muse Jimmy: or left it unfinished Janis: you're SO brave Janis: and I've got no scissors to hand so Janis: have to stay for now Jimmy: meant to be me being psychologically fucked by the isolation, girl Jimmy: no need to do yourself a wonky fringe Janis: ๐ Janis: as if Jimmy: stick with your Q&A Janis: you sent a question in? Janis: stay tuned Jimmy: 'course I have Janis: how ๐๐๐ have you been? Jimmy: you tell me Janis: [go answer that for the #fans] Jimmy: [obvs send her another one cos that bitch] Janis: [flirtbackandforthletsnotlie] Jimmy: [we've got a LOT of feelings but also walls up now honey, gotta keep it 'safe' and 'fake' lol lol] Janis: [ah the joys] Jimmy: these ๐s gonna make me ๐ด or what? Janis: if you're lucky Janis: they shouldn't knock you out proper though Jimmy: that were your luck, Jenna Janis: know yours ain't as good Jimmy: ๐ง๐ง๐ป Janis: still get your head down Janis: only thing isolation's good for Jimmy: you done ๐จ to me then? Janis: nah Janis: not got your ๐s yet have you Jimmy: I meant when I have Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: ? Janis: do you want me to stop talking to you? Jimmy: that's what I just asked you Janis: not really Jimmy: so what are you telling me to ๐ด for? Janis: because you're in pain Janis: and must be even more bored than I am Jimmy: got no dickheads doing my head in, I'm #thriving Janis: true Janis: PE is going to be a joy Jimmy: I get that it goes against how ๐ช๐๐ฅ you are but Jimmy: just don't go Janis: where will I go instead Jimmy: you know where the spare ๐ is Jimmy: take you one sec to ๐ there from here Janis: bit rude to you Janis: I go and have an actual ๐ด Jimmy: the ๐'ll never let you Janis: but it might be ๐ Janis: go for the shins Jimmy: I get it, you don't wanna recreate my ๐จ Jimmy: pressure, that Janis: don't wanna be a bad imitation, of course Jimmy: if you're not up to the challenge Janis: 'course I am Janis: cheek Jimmy: prove it Janis: fine Janis: got to get your stash first Jimmy: ๐ Janis: [do that and get going 'cos you know he wants to talk to you and so you obvs wanna talk to him too so we is] Jimmy: ๐ฅ Janis: only need 1 at a time, remember Janis: or you will ๐ด Jimmy: alright Janis: trust, they're good Jimmy: I remember you rated them when you stopped denying they were needed Janis: weren't gonna leave poor Helena is pain for the craic purely Jimmy: oh soz, didn't realise you rated her an' all Jimmy: chuffed for you that you've got a new best mate Janis: ๐ Janis: fuck off Janis: just don't want her to @ me with her back surgery bill Jimmy: she a ๐ง ๐ an' all? Jimmy: SO much in common you two lasses Janis: fake date her then Janis: never catch her walking your dog Jimmy: with her back? do mine in trying to get her to do owt Janis: exactly, stop trying to palm me off onto her, she's shit Janis: and fakes injuries, which is #gal behaviour Jimmy: Bit late for Ella to crack onto her for #inspo Janis: probably say she's got back problems 'cos she's a fatty Janis: can't see it being ๐ Jimmy: ๐๐ Janis: alright, cupid Janis: bit early for that holiday Jimmy: can't help being a romantic Jimmy: written in the script Janis: some would call it hopeless Janis: ๐ป๐ป Jimmy: @ Bill with your criticisms, sweetheart Janis: not a criticism Janis: just observation, babe Jimmy: meant to be ๐ด๐๐ you Janis: let me get in the door and walk the fucker Janis: why you want me to go sleep so bad? Jimmy: just open the door for it, don't matter Janis: It's alright Janis: literally my job Jimmy: ๐ won't pay you Janis: freebie Janis: she'll tell her mates Jimmy: what mates are them? even our kid's toy one reckons she's a twat Janis: ๐ฑ Janis: you bastard Jimmy: a lass who don't know her place, under this roof, she's got nowt but enemies, OBVS Janis: why you want me to come over Janis: one on side Jimmy: that'll be it Janis: ๐ถ๐ฑ Jimmy: ๐ Janis: she's sweet really, just needs putting in her place Janis: sorry to out your lack of skills @iantaylor8 but multiple Sharons for a reason babe Jimmy: not something I'll get a ๐ either Jimmy: you'll have to do it Janis: it's not hard, the basics like Janis: and you won't have to be all ๐ก ๐คฌ to keep it up either Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: @iantaylor8 Janis: if the impression was anything to go by Jimmy: it were ๐ฅ Jimmy: but if you're gonna do owt that'll make his life easier Jimmy: you know how the rest of the sentence goes Janis: I dunno if I'm so ๐ฅ I can get her to be ๐ for you lot and shit in his shoes still Janis: but I'll give it a go Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: just 'cos she's ๐ฑ of him, don't necessarily mean she respects him most Jimmy: Bringing back all those memories of the good old days with my mum for him Jimmy: be a bit awkward when she pisses off an' all Jimmy: brb mate just going down the park Janis: all women are the same Janis: definitely don't look inward Janis: my dad and all his bitches and even more brats Janis: entrapment, every time Jimmy: not having a game of mousetrap, you prick, not that he's about for #familygamenight to get that top bants Janis: but he really TRIED to be there, apparently Janis: if he's that shit at it he's gotta have that many go's, not worth fuck all really Jimmy: won't ๐ค on meeting his ๐ป Jimmy: have to give a shit for there to be unfinished business Janis: why bother when you can get a woman to do that for you and all Jimmy: if only I'd met Pete sooner to palm all โ๐จ off onto Janis: If only we'd ALL met Pete sooner Janis: ๐ Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Janis: I won't distract him from doing all your work ๐ค Jimmy: he's mine, back the fuck off Janis: that's how it is Janis: some mate Janis: and he's currently miss things so race is on Jimmy: the kind of mate who stops you 1. making a twat of yourself 2. getting a slaggy rep Jimmy: you're welcome, babes Janis: so you get to be the slag of the group? Janis: convenient Janis: jokes on you 'cos we all are some of us are just less obvious about it, SWEETIE Jimmy: DUH you were the massive virgin Lucas were grooming Jimmy: keep up with your own #narrative, hun Janis: fuck off Jimmy: as fake nice goes, not your best Janis: yeah well Janis: you ever actually heard them? Janis: pretty shit too Jimmy: can't deny that Janis: neither can they much longer Janis: can't wait 'til the big one snaps Jimmy: who's your ๐ฐ on? Jimmy: Tammy's all ๐ญ ย tiktok mimes, be there til the bitter end Janis: be nice if #2 rose up and took her place as ๐ Janis: Bill would be thrilled Janis: probably Asia though, by accident Jimmy: ๐จ in the wrong chat one too many times Janis: exactly Janis: her next boyfriend is an actual undercover cop Janis: ๐จ Jimmy: #plottwist Jimmy: Oh Bill Janis: he don't know it's a bit ๐ฌ to get a 15 year old with a 45 year old now, let him off Jimmy: WHAT?! IT IS! OMG Janis: you know your ๐ for Lucas is forbidden, babes Janis: that's what makes it ๐ DUH Jimmy: but not OURS! everyone's obvs gonna get #overit after a bit of murder Jimmy: ๐ด๐ Jimmy: fuming there's no happy ending coming WTF Jimmy: ???!! Janis: #awks Jimmy: least this ๐ is good Janis: ๐ Jimmy: I should be fake dating Helena, you're right Janis: now you know Jimmy: soz but ๐ Janis: at least make it convincing Jimmy: steady on, need my ๐ walked first Janis: you can pay for it next time Jimmy: still mates rates though? Janis: is it? Jimmy: that's my question Jimmy: you gonna be too ๐๐ญ๐ป about me and her or what? Janis: Helena, with her back problems? Janis: I think you 2 are made for each other ๐ด๐ต Jimmy: ๐ Janis: SO happy for you Jimmy: Tah, Jolene Janis: ๐ Janis: enjoy your meds Jimmy: loving being able to breathe, like Jimmy: and thank god, 'cause who knows if she'll fancy a ๐๐๐ pact Janis: always a bonus, like Janis: you can convince her Jimmy: dunno about that Jimmy: only as inspiring as my muse, me Janis: a girl with a death wish is so hard to come by Jimmy: have to have the ๐๐๐ as my muse instead of her Janis: bit played out but what ain't Jimmy: yeah Janis: I'm glad they've helped Jimmy: how long'll it be for? Jimmy: easy ๐ฏfor Lucas like this Janis: they've got better staying power than your average paracetamol Janis: but take the other one tonight and you should sleep well too Janis: I reckon GP might give you like a weeks worth, if you asked Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: me and the ๐ if you've knackered it Janis: she's a ๐ถ Janis: more stamina Jimmy: how old do you reckon it is? Janis: you don't know? Janis: still under a year, definitely Jimmy: how would I? Janis: whoever your dad got her off should've told him, at least Janis: people lie sometimes though, you're not meant to take them before they're 8 weeks, at least Jimmy: might've, don't mean he's told me Janis: if he comes back for lunch I'll ask Janis: providing he doesn't ๐ me Jimmy: can't promise the ๐'d save you Jimmy: but I would Janis: for yourself Jimmy: he don't get to ๐๐๐ you, no other dickhead does Janis: no one else Janis: that's the ๐ค Jimmy: โ Janis: better tell Helena Jimmy: not @'d her owt yet, it's alright Janis: let me finish my Q&A first Janis: look a bit stupid otherwise Jimmy: [obviously gonna send her more because we're in our feelings] Janis: [run to the 'fake' hens] Jimmy: [do we wanna bring up the kids party before the detention TENSION or after?] Janis: [ooh, hmm...I think after?] Jimmy: [break the inevitable awkward silence after how intense that'll be, makes sense] Janis: [and you'll have more of a reason to do it, like we KNOW you would anyway but it is flimsy at best so we'll give you that] Jimmy: [it's just tricky rn cos I want you to talk til then but don't wanna break the awks lol, oh lads] Janis: [it'll still be awks 'cos you've only seen each other so briefly actually IRL] Jimmy: [it's okay boy you can still have your guard up even if you accidentally get too feelsy] Janis: [we know the vibes] Jimmy: [not like it's never been a headfuck before or you've never gone back on anything so] Janis: [or won't have to again] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [do you wanna chat more or skip a bit?] Jimmy: [I don't mind if we carry on cos we've slayed it so far] Jimmy: Get Ian to make you a ๐ฅชโ if he's knocking about Janis: He ain't so far Janis: but I know where the kettle is Jimmy: ๐'ll have just the one sugar Janis: she don't need no more Janis: even after this epic game of fetch Jimmy: if your ๐ช hurts I've still got this ๐ you can have Janis: ha ha Janis: save your breath and meds boy Janis: I'm good Jimmy: I get it, you don't want me to @ Helena for no more Janis: maybe I don't wanna go through her bag again Jimmy: long as I don't bring you any more desks, won't you need to Janis: ๐ Jimmy: we're all ๐ Janis: could've had a career in removals Jimmy: you could be a careers adviser Janis: wow, my dream Janis: thanks so much!!! Jimmy: get to hang about the staff room, know you'll love that Jimmy: ๐๐ซ๐ Janis: the happy ending we're all ๐ญ of Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: one of us'll get one Janis: you'll be well happy with your new missus Janis: ๐ฅด from all the ๐ Jimmy: not planning to use 'em for ๐ Jimmy: or get in that many ๐ฅ Janis: yeah Janis: but Helenas pretty annoying Janis: you'll need 'em Jimmy: never spoken to her before, no need to start now Jimmy: ๐ช๐ type, me Janis: she doesn't know any sign Jimmy: good Janis: bit rude to teach me some and then โ me Jimmy: lessons don't have to finish an' all Janis: I will have to talk to Bobby Janis: after the wedding of the century, like Jimmy: and you said your cousin might need teaching Janis: that too, actually Janis: if nothing else she can call her mother a shithead Jimmy: don't need either of us for that, Libi'll sort it Jimmy: I'll still knock you some lessons now though, got nowt else on Janis: talk me out of all my roles, it's fine Jimmy: ๐ค Jimmy: how old's she? Janis: erm, gonna be 4 soon, I think Janis: she's never spoke Jimmy: I'll start with the proper basics, asking for owt she wants Janis: yeah, anything would be helpful Janis: got to be frustrating as hell Janis: thanks, by the way Jimmy: [sends her videos of him signing and pictures he's drawn of the hand gestures etc all that good stuff] Janis: they let you do that instead of Irish, yeah? Jimmy: if it were that easy it'd be a pisstake Janis: obviously, I mean that's cool though Janis: more useful than Irish, any rate Jimmy: you should ask if you can swap Jimmy: love's young dream Janis: yeah right Janis: they'd love that Jimmy: I get it, you're worried you'd look a twat not keeping up, but I won't let that happen Jimmy: not the kind of mate I am Janis: just don't reckon any teacher has got the goal of us spending more time together Jimmy: don't have a teacher, it's all online bollocks Jimmy: no other dickhead's got the same set of excuses as me Jimmy: or the new boy โจ obvs Janis: the handicap of being English, yeah Janis: I hate Irish, so I could ask Janis: dunno if they'd go for it Janis: but ๐คท Jimmy: what were it you said about the shots you don't take? Janis: ๐ Janis: deserved maybe but ๐ค Janis: you don't just wanna get out of teaching me yourself, by any chance? Jimmy: I like teaching you Jimmy: don't mean I'm any good at it Jimmy: got no coffee breath or shit ties Janis: it is essential to be ๐ฅ Janis: but you aren't bad at it Jimmy: do have enough sob stories to go on about, all sir were bothering with, we might be alright Janis: you're good Janis: showing Libi too Jimmy: What do you wanna ๐จ? Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: Put me on the spot Jimmy: ๐ค Jimmy: but go on Janis: I could ask you to sign anything right now Janis: only got the ๐ for company, here Jimmy: in isolation here, challenge accepted Janis: who they got 'keeping an eye' on you? Jimmy: Ms Burke Janis: they would Janis: slip her a pill if she manages to notice fuck all then ๐ Jimmy: she's already sedated herself, you can crack on with your request Janis: alright ๐ค Janis: how many go's do I get? Jimmy: how much do you wanna say? Janis: how do you say 'loads' Jimmy: [send that] Janis: [send it back like ta-da] Janis: what about 'fuck all'? Jimmy: [send that] Janis: [do that, swear words are always funny lol] Jimmy: [and always the first thing you have to find out yourself cos teachers don't want you to know] Janis: how would I say Janis: 'Janis is the best at everything' Jimmy: [signs it calling her a bighead instead but cos he's saying it at the same time she obvs knows even if he hasn't taught her before which he might have] Janis: oi Janis: bloody rude Janis: how am I meant to trust your teaching skills? Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: [do it properly though boy] Jimmy: I've just fingerspelt your name, Jules Jimmy: your sign name depends if you're talking to our kid or me Janis: might be handy to know my real name Janis: so I don't look like a total muppet Jimmy: [draws out the alphabet and sends it like see if you can do it] Janis: [give it a go, gal, do his as well] Jimmy: [show her how to do whatever adorable sign name Bobby has for you jimothy because you're his fave person ever and he would've thought of it as a bub] Janis: bless Janis: far as nicknames go Jimmy: [show her Ian's because it'd be so lowkey shady, casual bub sass] Janis: ๐ Janis: I'll deffo use that Jimmy: [show her yours for him which is obvs even shadier like that's the one I use] Janis: he must LOVE that Jimmy: about as much as when I call every Sharon mum Jimmy: would call him worse if I weren't mostly signing to a 6 year old Janis: Not your fault you're confused, tbh Janis: you can get out the really obscene shit now if you like, I won't clock half of it anyway Jimmy: [does obvs but without saying it too so she and Ms Burke can't clock it] Jimmy: probably meant to use the names our kid does any road as he's the deaf one but Jimmy: so creative, me Janis: got to make sure he keeps practising, yeah Janis: not the kid, obvs Janis: also some of that looked like you was having some kind of seizure, how gone is miss rn Jimmy: she'll be ๐ด before either of us Janis: ๐ and we actually need it Jimmy: you @ your nan yet or what? Jimmy: done some lessons for Libi an' all Jimmy: [send that through too] Janis: nah Janis: it's gonna be a whole conversation and I'm meant to be ๐ด Janis: but I will show Libi those, and NOT the ones before, note to self Janis: needs no help with her filthy language Jimmy: ๐
is still #SHOOK Janis: too #SHOOK to add her to the naughty list Jimmy: ๐ Janis: show me how to say some goals shit then Jimmy: [does] Janis: [do that back] Janis: what about 'I missed you' Jimmy: you did mean #goals, yeah? not Jimmy: I dunno ๐ค flirting Janis: you don't know when I'll need to flirt with a deaf nerd Janis: go on Jimmy: [show her] Janis: [do that with purpose hen] Jimmy: [we're all just in our feels trying not to die rn] Janis: show me something you wanna teach me Jimmy: [show her how to say please because there are so many saucy but also feelsy uses and connotations for that] Janis: [do it loads of times, like could be #bants could not be] Jimmy: you're good at that one Janis: ๐ Janis: manners are well important Jimmy: what about Jimmy: [do 'stay' because of course we are] Janis: [do it and combine the two 'cos duh] Jimmy: There you go, that deaf nerd ain't going nowhere til you're done with him Janis: ๐ค Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: have to ๐ one first but hey Janis: prepared now Jimmy: ๐ Janis: bet that's something you could do, too Janis: teach that ๐ฐ Jimmy: how many jobs do you reckon I've got time for, girl? Janis: I know Janis: I want to be able to move out as soon as I can though Janis: don't you? Jimmy: soon as I can ain't as soon as you Janis: right Janis: he's 6 Janis: rough Jimmy: it don't matter what I want Jimmy: or how ๐ป๐ป๐ป it is Janis: you reckon he'd ever let you have him, even a bit earlier Janis: after uni, or whatever Jimmy: only if it suited him Janis: yeah Janis: that's what you want? if you've got any say, hypothetically Jimmy: both of them away from that twat Janis: it gets your sentence down to 6 years Janis: instead of 12 Janis: still more than the 3 I'm ๐ค for but Janis: who knows where you'll be, might be somewhere less shite Jimmy: โฐ Janis: no good to either of 'em then Jimmy: not meant to be my job though Janis: I know Janis: don't matter though does it Janis: like you said Jimmy: only to the orchestra Janis: he's not gonna be the 'kick you out at 18' type is he Janis: not whilst you're useful to him? Jimmy: answered that yourself, Jasmine Janis: stop him getting a permanent Sharon Janis: that's your main job then Jimmy: stops himself Janis: true Janis: loads of desperate bitches Janis: ๐ถ๐ Jimmy: he'll kick me out if my sister ever stops being as fuming as him Jimmy: makes for a shit babysitter Janis: yeah Janis: get that Janis: probably alright on that score Janis: if it ain't genetic, it's well ingrained Jimmy: tah for not saying hormonal like I thought you were gonna Janis: if I was alright with throwing that about, may as well join shit nan's church group and call it a day Jimmy: ๐ for the hot priest you won't Janis: she might see if he's alright to do an exorcism Jimmy: far as date nights go Jimmy: I'm chuffed with that Janis: don't remember inviting you to shout bible verses at me Janis: chuck some holy water about Jimmy: but I wouldn't miss it Jimmy: have to grab my long lens if nowt else Janis: ๐ Janis: keep you posted on if I'm saving my soul or nah Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: my ๐ทs are in my room if you fancy a go Janis: fun Janis: and you're sure you've left nothing incriminating out, yeah Jimmy: sure I'm not bothered Janis: and I'm not a snoop Janis: ask my customer's owners Jimmy: chuck us their @s Janis: um Janis: soz, line went dead there Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: con- what- hello??? Jimmy: alright, dickhead ๐ Janis: thank you Janis: ๐ Jimmy: steady on Jimmy: never said I were that impressed Janis: disgusting Janis: get you in for the next exorcisms at this rate Jimmy: his and hers Janis: so #goals Janis: though she'll hear nothing of it Janis: you're a LAD and can do whatever you like Jimmy: *good ๐ lad now Janis: so you say Jimmy: depending who's ? Janis: me, dickhead Janis: who else Jimmy: you know the answer, dickhead Janis: sign it if you're embarrassed Jimmy: piss off, nowt does Jimmy: you know that an' all Janis: ๐ค that Janis: ain't it Jimmy: what? Janis: ๐=๐ค Jimmy: right Janis: could be calling you ๐ฎ suppose but context Jimmy: ๐๐ช bit of a step down for us Janis: so immature Janis: ๐ถ๐ฉธ or bust Jimmy: sounds like you're asking me on another date, that Janis: and? Jimmy: and alright, I'll find and kill a ๐ถ with you, obvs Janis: ๐ Janis: you always know just what to say Jimmy: ๐ฅ or nowt Janis: [does the thing about her being the best again] Jimmy: exactly Janis: [do his name like you too] Jimmy: dunno about giving me ๐ for everything Jimmy: won't get out this door Janis: much as miss would love that Janis: ๐ค Jimmy: it's Ms, get it right Jimmy: Dead mysterious, her Janis: will not respect her pronouns, soz Jimmy: til she keeps a more decent bottle stashed none of her choices are valid, I get it, pisshead Janis: look, if she wants to let the married teachers know she's damaged enough to cheat, that's her lookout Janis: but miss and sir saves remembering their names and they need to deal Jimmy: ๐ Janis: please call me Ms Cavante from now on, tbh Jimmy: bit of roleplay Janis: ๐ค Janis: just gonna set you homework Janis: be dead disappointing Jimmy: know what you're like ๐ค nowt else were expected Janis: ๐ฃ oi Jimmy: change my mind Jimmy: if you reckon I'm wrong Janis: easy Jimmy: to say Janis: wait and see Janis: Detention Jimmy: have to wait and see what ends up on my ๐ท an' all Janis: yeah Janis: you can give me critique but Janis: you won't wanna Jimmy: make me sound like a right dickhead Jimmy: not working for the ๐จ department Janis: you only wanna be student? Janis: but you LOVE moonlighting as a professional 45 year old Jimmy: just don't wanna dress like miss for the roleplay, won't do nowt for either of us Janis: ๐ Janis: please don't Janis: I've left my fringe alone Jimmy: ๐ซโ Jimmy: not to use on yourself any road Janis: ๐ Janis: do you think that's an appropriate way to talk to a teacher? Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: that'll be why I'm in isolation though Janis: yeah, with MS Burke Janis: not me Jimmy: if we get rid of Lucas, detention is Janis: if I come back now before PE is over, I'll have time to prepare something Janis: a distraction Jimmy: did you have your ๐ฅชโ? Janis: why? Jimmy: what do you mean why? Jimmy: before you go Janis: I'm good, don't worry Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: you don't need to ask Janis: I know how to get myself lunch Jimmy: you don't need to be a dickhead Janis: you neither Jimmy: I'm not Janis: alright then Jimmy: ๐ Janis: I washed up, it's fine Jimmy: told you, the rubber gloves do nowt for me either Jimmy: not a #kinkunlocked Janis: not trying to be but I've not trashed your house if that's what you reckon Jimmy: what would I reckon that for? Janis: Dunno, what it sounds like though Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: not gonna do the ๐ out of a job, she don't pull her weight as is Janis: she's asleep at the minute but no promises you won't come home to a disaster from her obvs Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: say night to her Jimmy: [signs it and sends that] Janis: she got that Janis: said night babe Jimmy: ๐ฐ on you translating that one wrong Janis: um, you heard Janis: basically a dog whisperer Jimmy: save it for the fans Jimmy: that's the fake bollocks they ๐ Janis: how dare you Janis: not out here saying you make a shit cuppa Jimmy: 'cause I don't and you or her ain't that good at lying Janis: my biggest job atm is literally lying how am I not Jimmy: not about โ๐ Janis: ๐ Janis: you've really taken personal offence yeah Jimmy: any northerner would do Janis: ๐๐ Janis: soz for disrespecting your culture Jimmy: you're not Jimmy: ๐๐ง Janis: I am Janis: so serious Jimmy: ๐ Janis: ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ Jimmy: that a dog whisperer secret? behave like the ๐? Janis: rude Janis: just 'cos it's not racial don't compare me to a dog Jimmy: rude that you don't wanna be like your new best mate Janis: you're the one that wants a new bestie Jimmy: bollocks Janis: @ Helena Jimmy: @ her ๐s Janis: I can get you ๐s Jimmy: and I could get them myself if I were that bothered Janis: why are you getting rid of me then Jimmy: never said that Jimmy: to you or Helena Janis: don't Janis: we're still mates, aren't we Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I fucked up Janis: not very mates #goals Jimmy: I'm not ๐๐ป๐ญ over missing the party, I said Janis: I know Jimmy: you can do what you like, it's nowt to do with me Janis: 'Course I can Janis: but a heads up would've been good Janis: not like asking for a lot, I'm not thick Jimmy: heard you had a lot on Janis: still Jimmy: you don't owe me owt more than you made Grace give me Janis: alright then Jimmy: didn't expect you to be gone that long but it weren't owt to make it look like you weren't, like we said Janis: and I didn't expect to have to take off that fast Janis: don't mean it didn't leave you in the lurch just 'cos it was unavoidable Janis: felt it, whatever Janis: so there, have it Jimmy: I don't want whatever ๐ you're trying to give out right now Janis: it's not Janis: for me or you Janis: just what it is Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to accept a sorry but I do have to say it Janis: it's done now though so Janis: don't need to be ๐ฌ Jimmy: if you mean it as you won't fuck up again, I'll take it Jimmy: it's just not what most dickheads use it for Jimmy: might be a northern thing an' all Janis: that's the goal Janis: promising as much would just be ๐ until proven bollocks and I don't wanna do that, fuck that Janis: but if I have to go again, I'm going to make sure I give you warning and whatever else would help it not be such a dickhead thing to do Janis: but ๐ค Jimmy: you're a dickhead, don't โ your whole brand, mate Janis: ๐๐ Janis: like being charming is yours Jimmy: when I have to go an' all, I'll be charming with the ๐ Janis: yeah Janis: is a bit rich but there you go Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you'll not be sending postcards to say soz Janis: and fat use if you do Jimmy: I'll be sending 'em for the ๐จ OBVS Jimmy: daily thing, that Janis: yeah obvs Janis: makes it alright Jimmy: it were you who told me to keep on Janis: just saying Jimmy: what? Janis: why am I apologizing? Jimmy: weren't me who said you had to Janis: well I'll take it back when you fuck off then Jimmy: why wait? Janis: 'cos I'm not a dick Jimmy: if you're gonna take it back then it don't mean fuck all now Janis: and yours won't mean nothing even if you sent it every day Janis: be even Jimmy: how do you work that out? Janis: 'cos you're going for good, don't matter how soz you may or may not be Jimmy: and you coming back don't mean you won't piss off again, might be for good an' all for all I know Jimmy: that's about you, when I go it won't be nowt to do with me Janis: 1. you want to go, that's not nothing to do with you, own it at least 2. yeah, I wanna be gone as well but that ain't why I left then, for fun Jimmy: 1. you don't know what you're going on about 2. I never said it were Janis: 1. it's all you've said since you've been here, that's what I know 2. pretty much did but whatever Jimmy: 1. what I've said is that I don't give a fuck where I am, every shithole is the same 2. you weren't thinking about nowt but yourself is what I meant Janis: 1. yeah, exactly 2. got to do what we've got to do Jimmy: yeah we do, they're got somewhere they wanna be and I don't, ignoring that would make me a massive twat Janis: it's alright Jimmy: It's not and I don't need you to chat bollocks to me that it is Janis: for you Jimmy: *for them Janis: nah, for you Janis: sorry I don't have younger siblings to give me a fake reason to live Janis: I don't have to be selfless, that ain't my fault you got no other choice Jimmy: I'm not gonna sit here and write you a massive list of who might give a fuck about you pissing off and why, fake or real Jimmy: there's a whole scale between being selfless and not being a fucking dickhead Janis: Good, be a massive waste of time for us both Janis: it isn't the same, so you don't get it Janis: they need you, no fucker needs me, end of Jimmy: you heard me say do what the fuck you like then Janis: I don't need you to say it but tah Jimmy: I got that you don't need nowt from me, don't worry Janis: be stupid to Jimmy: so call it off Jimmy: far as fake reasons to live go, you reckon I've already got mine Janis: you do it if you want Janis: why should I Jimmy: no fucker needs you, you said, if that's what you reckon, if this is all a waste of time, that's why you should Janis: because that's not why we're doing it Janis: it's to stop people wanting us Jimmy: Why did you even bother asking if we're still mates? Janis: why did you bother saying it in the first place? Jimmy: it ain't me who's going on as if I don't have an inbox full of dickheads Jimmy: if that's what you're doing it for ๐ for you Janis: not what I asked Jimmy: but there's your answer, I said we were mates 'cause we were Janis: that'll be why I asked then Jimmy: if nowt matters to you but your DMs, there's no need to ask Jimmy: make up your mind Janis: not what I've said at any point Jimmy: it's what you just said Janis: I said that's what the plan was about Janis: not that it's the only thing I've got or give a shit about, but thanks Jimmy: what it were about, yeah Janis: there's just Janis: fuck it Janis: need to get back for next lesson Jimmy: didn't need the update but tah for it Janis: whatever Janis: go away then Jimmy: see you in detention then Janis: hooray Jimmy: you can leave that out Jimmy: Lucas is the only one chuffed Janis: I can be as well Janis: all I care about, after-all Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: really Janis: what a revelation Jimmy: shouldn't be Jimmy: I've said it loads of times now Jimmy: ๐๐๐๐ด Janis: yeah, you're fucking annoying Janis: I knew that Jimmy: dry your eyes then, mate Jimmy: got lessons to go to Janis: fuck off Jimmy: you Janis: I just got back Janis: and you can't make me Jimmy: could do but I ain't THAT selfless Jimmy: soz to piss on your carefully crafted narrative Janis: what, that everyone hates me and wants me gone? Janis: not that tragic Janis: not being needed isn't being wanted ๐๐๐ Janis: it's not a sob story, if anything, makes this all a lot easier Jimmy: tah for spelling that out for me Jimmy: now I can FINALLY get my head round it I'm BEYOND chuffed for you Janis: yeah, make it more convincing next time around Janis: that you understand, that is Janis: don't need your blessing either, OBVS Jimmy: if there were anyone around I might bother Jimmy: don't need your ๐ Janis: fortunate Janis: be a real shame Jimmy: ๐๐ป๐ญ Janis: just like that, yeah Jimmy: no need for ๐๐๐น either Jimmy: it's all the same bollocks Janis: yeah, there's no need for any of this Janis: yet here we are Janis: deal with it or do something about it Jimmy: do it yourself Jimmy: I've got enough to deal with, my sob story that you keep going on about as if you've got it all memorised Janis: and? Janis: I don't give a shit, do I, 'cos all I care about is myself Janis: not mates, never were Jimmy: and I don't need you tell me I've got no fucking choices Janis: I'm not Janis: I'm not telling you anything, or trying to for that matter Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: fine Jimmy: ๐ Janis: [we better skip honey] Jimmy: [oh this detention] Janis: [oh lawd, in a mood now] Jimmy: [the ๐ isn't just his face rn honey] Janis: [just sassing into this room they've had you in all day boy, by sassing I do mean storming lbr] Jimmy: [whatever he's meant to be copying out we all know he's really doing v unflattering pictures of Mr Lucas because how we be feeling rn we don't care how much trouble we get in or what happens] Janis: [the lecture you're gonna get about ruining the school trip like it weren't a million years ago, like let it go babe] Jimmy: [we've lived a whole rom com life since then sir so obvs Jimothy is just ๐ feel free to give him a lecture about that if you want hun] Janis: [we know the way neither of you gives a single fuck is gonna infuriate him so much, also saying she sits in front of Jimmy so she doesn't have to look at him] Jimmy: [make him have to look at your hair and the temptation of having her back to write on, love that] Janis: [mhmm, did that on purpose, at least we know full well Lucas is the type of dickhead to be like ooh you had a lovers tiff 'cos they're both in such a mood so it gives us an excuse to have to fake a bit like fuck you] Jimmy: [what an absolute dick, we all know the type] Janis: [think he's being bants 'cos everyone always takes the piss out of him and own back but no, really obviously passing back a note that's SO extra and lovey-dovey but also talking about what a loser Lucas is] Jimmy: [send the drawings with the reply you do because she'll enjoy them even more now that he's being SUCH a dick] Janis: [the laugh we're barely stifling like hope you have to come and look at these hun but also they'd be genuinely funny] Jimmy: [also shamelessly passing her gum or sweets or whatever we have that we're not meant to be cracking out now like love you gal] Janis: [blowing bubbles with the gum to be that bitch like we know you're gonna begrudgingly have to stop her 'cos you're such a perv] Jimmy: [glad Jimothy can't see that from his angle because how distracting] Janis: [can see when we go to the bin to take it out and we spit it out just as suggestively, maintaining eye contact and winking like it hasn't been a million years] Jimmy: try not to die boy because that would get to you under any circumstances never mind these when it has literally been the longest you've not seen each other since you started this] Jimmy: [obviously gonna maintain the eye contact like it's nbd but] Janis: [coming back and doing that thing where you like hold and stroke their cheek as you turn to sit down like so casual] Jimmy: [the restraint it would take to either not make a SOUND or flinch away when she did that which are obvs his two conflicting urges, but what we actually do is play with her hair as she does that like it's a choreographed scene and in the hopes that she'll then be in the same boat as he is] Janis: [obviously we are, even if our flinch reflex is out because we're proving something here, leaning back in your chair so your head is practically on his desk and he can keep playing with your hair, at least until you're told to stop then the most dramatic UGH like ffs sir living my best life here] Jimmy: [playing with hair until that last possible second because 1. it's a fave 2. it'll annoy sir 3. it's something you're so used to doing and can get lost in as if it hasn't been a million years/everything isn't so shit rn] Janis: [gonna go some texts 'cos also duh and if he does see it'll annoy him, even if it means losing your phone for the duration when he do] Janis: ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ Jimmy: [a selfie doing it because it'll annoy Lucas that he took one if he sees and also like I know you can't see my face rn and you're so gutted about it] Janis: you're so hot Janis: [such a dramatic wistful sigh 'cos trying to get caught, nothing more OBVS, but Lucas is probably trying to ignore you two now like stop it] Jimmy: you Jimmy: [and obviously an even louder one back that's of course only for the same reason lol] Janis: [just play a lowkey game of boogeys with that which could get so indecent lmao] Jimmy: [Sir is gonna need a minute โข] Janis: [truly lmao, we're just trying not to crack up 'cos it's so serious of course] Janis: wish we were in here alone Jimmy: [write out a saucy little scenario for what you would do if you were that I honestly hope Mr Lucas will see at some point because OBVS that's the only reason we're saying any of this yep] Janis: [step it up sir, when you've got an hour of this and you wish you'd never bothered lowkey loooooool] Janis: I know a way, if you really want it Jimmy: ? Janis: Maybe I should make you wait for it though Janis: [not wanting to send texts that don't sound real/flirty rn 'cos the goal is him reading them, obvs, but trying to get across like do we ACTUALLY wanna be alone or nah] Jimmy: ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ Jimmy: I probably won't get away with another selfie Janis: That's good Janis: how could I say no to that face Jimmy: or owt else in my ๐ท roll Jimmy: there's loads of really convincing shit in there Janis: his rant did remind me Janis: of how many ๐ท we took on the trip Janis: and the ones we didn't Jimmy: feels like ages ago Janis: too long Jimmy: when's the next one? Janis: [ask Lucas for his HA! of a reaction] Jimmy: [we loling because we shall openly mock you and your lack of authority sir, don't give a fuck] Janis: [honestly, like okay babe, looking forward to all the team building and shit] Janis: you'll still wanna be my partner by then? Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know how I feel about that Janis: I like when you tell me though Jimmy: ๐ or ๐จ? Janis: show me yours I'll show you mine Jimmy: hang on then Jimmy: [make a big performance โข of writing on her back so Lucas can't fail to notice but we don't actually have to say anything we're probably just drawing a ๐ or something like well done for this 'fakery'] Janis: [acting like that tickles way more than it ever actually has and going to turn like you're gonna make out or something but obviously getting stopped and probably moved a few desks away or something] Jimmy: [waits until she's been moved and then 'accidentally' spills a shit load of water everywhere like oops must be because I'm so distracted rn relatable isn't that sir and then the whole rigmarole of having to sort that out would make Lucas be fuming like he's either gonna have to also move Jimothy or leave to get shit to clean that up with] Janis: [probably just trying to move him and then being like NO SIR THAT'S A SLIP HAZARD like we are so concerned and how dare you at least get a wet floor sign] Jimmy: [off you go dickhead, give them a minute to breathe and be real but also an excuse to have to make out or something which is perfectly timed for your return] Janis: [should say something creepy about them seeming like they want him to see because the looks you'd give him/each other are sending me] Janis: think he's actually having a break from reality Janis: ๐ Jimmy: get the school therapist on the ๐ Janis: might leave you alone then Janis: ๐ก๐ก Jimmy: be nice if everyone would Janis: [asking Lucas if he knows the school therapist lady in such an obvious way like she's trying to matchmaker them] Jimmy: [chiming in because #teamwork honey, I'm sure Lucas is shooketh because this is probably the most Jimmy has ever said] Janis: [casually a bit terrified, bless but not at all sorry] Jimmy: [I like to think from where she's sitting now they can send each other so many LOOKS but also looks like oh sir] Janis: [for sure] Janis: wanna be impressed? Jimmy: depends if you mean by you or sir ๐ Janis: oi ๐ Jimmy: go on Janis: I bet you I can get us out of here for good in the next 15 minutes Jimmy: and if you don't? Janis: You get whatever you want, of course Jimmy: can't lose Jimmy: I'll be timing you Janis: [having a text back and forth with someone that ain't him obviously and then waiting] Janis: [so my idea is when she was coming back into school she keyed his car up and has now text Sophie who's in some kind of after-school club to go to the office and tell them she's just found it 'cos she's quite good so we're not suspecting her of doing it then going to inform them, so someone from the office coming in within this timeframe to be like um hey 'cos he probably has some wanky mid-tier sports car and will be FUMING] Jimmy: [LOVE THAT] Janis: [just looking and LOOKING (lbr when are we not) at him when Lucas has run out in a fluff like ta-da 'cos had that planned since we came back baby and now they can just leg it 'cos he's distracted as hell] Jimmy: [THE LOOK he would not be able to stop himself giving her because that's impressive as hell like he'd honestly probably also go to kiss her and then be like -] Janis: [casually not moving or breathing for ages like he might still do it, as if he didn't just stop himself, but then going in her bag and pulling out a hoodie that is not his but Ian's and handing it back 'just in case the CCTV caught shit' and shrugs like we know it didn't but may as well look like a middle-aged dude if not] Jimmy: [chucking it back at her and gesturing to wherever she keeps the lighter he gave her like feel free to burn it because fuck Ian] Janis: ['was on the back of a chair' like don't think I've gone through his wardrobe or something weird 'knew it weren't yours' and such a face feel the shade sir, offering it out for a bit longer but nods and takes it back like alright, makes no difference to me] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling at the shade face in spite of everything because it's so important and makes you so happy and relieved that she's always been on your side about him] Janis: ['maybe he'll think it was Ian, kill the bromance' like we're just talking not to be awkward now 'cos you know you could just walk out] Jimmy: [does an IRL ๐ค but crosses her one over the other instead of doing it with his own because we just have to touch her to prove we can and it's fine after the near kiss] Janis: [such a wary smile 'told you I'd show you' in a quieter voice than we've been using but not quite whisper level] Jimmy: ['yeah' likewise soft about it] Janis: [going to walk but not just going, like are you coming or] Jimmy: [obvs we are and we do and we're lighting both of us a ๐ฌ as soon as we can because she's earnt that] Janis: [just smoke that in silence 'cos at least we know how to do that] Jimmy: [mhmm, though he would go to say something at least once] Janis: [trying not to be too !!! but obviously we want him to say something, doing a feelsy lean as we walk like what] Jimmy: [obvs we're doing it back because always 'can we just-' what boy] Janis: ['yeah' like whatever it is, we can 'cos sincerely mean that] Jimmy: [looking at her like lowkey ๐ lowkey amused because we know she means it even though she doesn't know what we mean and like when does anyone ever care or support us like this] Janis: [pushing him really gently with our next feelsy lean like oi, 'cos you're aware it sounds a bit thirsty but you don't actually care so ๐ 'you know I've got nothing else on, why not'] Jimmy: [pulling her as gently closer to him because we just can't help ourselves and taking a big breath likewise because this is all so hard having abandonment/trust issues but also loving/missing her as much as we do] Janis: [speaking really quietly 'cos proximity but also we must 'cos we're so unsure of what to say or do in terms of fixing anything 'I probably said some things I shouldn't have?' as a question not to be annoying but like we truly wanna know as is our confusion but hugging him like earlier 'cos must] Jimmy: [a lil scornful noise an himself like hard same babe 'me an' all' and after he's hugged her for the longest time ever writing 'you' on her but then putting a line through it like it's not your fault 'I'm the dickhead'] Jimmy: [*at] Janis: [shakes her head 'call it a draw, just this once' like we're both ๐ฅ on this score, going to explain loads of times but the complex emotions never mind the story that's so involved lowkey so we just don't, enjoying being near him again like it's all new 'cos it's been so long] Jimmy: ['I meant what I said before, alright' does not elaborate for what would feel like ages excuse him 'if you need to stay at ours, you can, the rest is just...' trailing off because we obvs mean is not as important as being safe etc] Jimmy: [but we can't say bollocks because it's not] Janis: [just waiting for that like what what what then softening when he does say it 'I know you meant it' and squeezing his hand like !!! thank you but we're not gonna outright be like yes absolutely 'cos we feel like it's not even that bad, even though we HATE being home there's not like a valid enough reason because shit nan isn't always there or whatever] Jimmy: [hug her again but then obvs your feelings are too high so you're like 'I should-' and nod in the direction of your house boy, like remember those siblings I have no choice but to look after] Janis: [straighten up like 'right' but not trying to come across as disappointed as we are 'cos not that bitch so smiling 'got catching up to do with customers as well'] Jimmy: ['piss off then' but soft not like fuck you bye] Janis: [waving like bye as you go but 'see you later?' just as you're about to 'round a corner or whatever] Jimmy: [I love that he's the one who said he should go but has lowkey not moved LOL just a look like do you wanna see me later as if that's not obvious] Janis: [stopping like you really not gonna answer, as if this whole street is watching and waiting lol] Jimmy: [signs 'see you later' like we're so put upon but we're clearly amused] Janis: [does it back best we can but does 'I missed you' 'cos got that down] Jimmy: [we wanna do it back but feels are getting too high again so we just nod like well done gal you have got that down and do whatever ๐ค is instead] Janis: [๐ but in a bants way and you must go now] Jimmy: [๐๐ because we love it but yeah fuck off both of you please]
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Janis & Jimmy
Janis: That hoodie was yours anyway so welcome for finally getting it back Jimmy: Knew the ๐ฌ hole weren't you ๐ค Janis: cheek Janis: I've took well good care of it Jimmy: ๐ Janis: it's too early for your condescension Janis: ๐ค unless you're saying tah for not having to walk home in a mini skirt Jimmy: but not too early for your ๐ค words, eh? Jimmy: I get it, only one of us is allowed to show off Janis: showing off your pins in the PM is a different vibe completely to the AM, trust Janis: be well ๐ if you got molested/hate crimed Jimmy: Oi, it's well ๐ that you've forgotten how ๐ช๐ I am, pisshead Jimmy: ๐ป๐ฅ Janis: 1. you were AS wasted, you didn't even get home so, worse, some would say 2. you pretty much pissed yourself when the kid came charging in so I might need reminding before I believe that again Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: is it though Janis: ๐ค Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: but if you need it SHOUTED, alright Janis: gonna need ๐ฃ and then some Janis: back in the middle of nowhere now Jimmy: should've said, you could've had the ๐ costume Jimmy: Gracie'd never ๐ you Janis: had to happen eventually Janis: the last thing I wanna do is #twin Janis: hopefully she ain't here Jimmy: easy, just steer clear of the โจ Janis: not so easy at this time of year Janis: shit gets everywhere Jimmy: if you ain't up to the challenge, Jill Janis: seeing as I avoid them a lot better than you do Janis: pretty confident on that Jimmy: #whenshesnotthelassyouthoughtshewere ๐ญ๐ป๐ Jimmy: but it's alright I'll โ out the bollocks and leave the compliment about how you look Janis: ๐ cry me a river, dickhead Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: ๐โ Janis: glad I ain't gotta fake my ๐ right now Jimmy: too ๐ฅบ about leaving me an' all, obvs Jimmy: ALWAYS on the same page, us Janis: Obvs Janis: don't worry, christmas with my family is shit enough that's what they'll all reckon from the ๐ Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: only 1 of 'em is in our target audience Jimmy: and if she were a ๐ it'd be no dickhead's fave colour Janis: just ๐ช that I don't need the day off Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: so impressive, you Janis: tah for the validation Janis: christmas came early Jimmy: long as it's just ๐ Jimmy: don't need that rumour spread about, tah Janis: ๐ Janis: save it for the bitter breakup Jimmy: for all the dickheads in my DMs it'd put off, there'd be lasses taking it as a challenge or compliment Janis: true Janis: just go with my original plan and pretend you never existed Janis: what's more damning Janis: ๐ปโ Jimmy: sir weren't having that Janis: number 1 fan? Jimmy: of me having a beard so he can have me behind shut classroom doors Janis: an idea Janis: I'll just out you Jimmy: new lad with no mates โ Jimmy: shit home life โ Jimmy: worked it all out, him Jimmy: gutted he can't do the same with you and your ๐๐ก Janis: how many teachers they need for an official ring? Jimmy: dunno, tried to google it, well distracted now Janis: ๐จ๐จ Jimmy: undercover ๐ฎ๐ perks Jimmy: it were all for a case, mate Janis: too real Jimmy: ๐ฐ on Mia's dad trying that one on an' all Janis: oldest trick in the book Jimmy: #defensesquad Janis: in good company Jimmy: first time he'll have heard that Janis: except from his delightful daughter, obvs Janis: no news on how in the shit she is Janis: I'll ๐ Jimmy: I'll ask Asia, nowt that lass won't tell me Janis: aren't you #blessed Jimmy: ๐ that keeps on giving Jimmy: and you reckoned ๐ came early for you Janis: ๐คข Janis: too early for that as well Jimmy: if I open my DMs to find she's wrapped a bow round herself you don't wanna know, I get it Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: I really ย don't Janis: 'til you're gonna go there and then give me 48hrs notice tah Jimmy: never gonna be that pissed, you're alright Janis: ๐ never again, is it? Janis: my grandparents were in a mood so maybe you did spray their bathroom with puke Jimmy: never her Jimmy: and you could be proud of me for finding their ๐ฝ dickhead Janis: never said I weren't Janis: they don't know how challenged and northern you are Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you're dead proud they never heard me ๐จ Jimmy: ๐๐ Janis: you must've been signing Janis: I dunno Jimmy: if that's what I were doing with my hands I'm chuffed you can't remember owt Jimmy: be a piss poor review Janis: I weren't THAT drunk Janis: but I'll keep that ๐ค in my general daily praise of you for the socials ๐ Jimmy: ๐ Janis: I weren't Janis: twat Jimmy: ๐ Janis: U G H Janis: what are you doing on your day off then Janis: 'cos yeah, I caught that bit of their ๐ Jimmy: whatever he wants Janis: cute Jimmy: leave it out, I know you caught how ๐ he were an' all Jimmy: ๐ฅ or nowt ain't just for you, Joan Janis: I was being sincere, actually Jimmy: were you? Janis: yeah Janis: it's cute he likes you so much Jimmy: he don't know any better Jimmy: give him a bit Janis: you've got a few years 'til hormones are an issue Jimmy: tah for the reminder Janis: ๐คท Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: better off ๐ค there ain't any more Janis: could always book him a vasectomy for his ๐ Jimmy: least my mum dunno which doorstep is ours to leave any ๐ถ on Janis: silver lining Janis: my sister'll be here with her brats now Jimmy: I should've got you a ๐ป๐ Jimmy: Have you got Libi an' all? Janis: you should've booked me a medical coma Janis: yeah, we usually all get together, at least for the meal Janis: it's ridiculous Jimmy: tah for my invite Janis: ๐ to the ๐ช Janis: nah, you're alright Jimmy: so what, been working on my ๐คน for nowt? Jimmy: ๐ Janis: you could come to midnight mass Janis: that's a fun thing my sister forces me to do Jimmy: I get it, you didn't get your ๐๐ฅ Jimmy: as a stand in goes, any heathen'll do Janis: it's Catholicism Janis: all ๐ happily welcomed Jimmy: alright then Janis: ๐ yeah right Jimmy: if our kid ain't asleep, he can do my sister's head in for a bit Janis: you want a chance to piss off my other nan? Janis: she'll probably love you 'cos shit home life โ Jimmy: I were in it for the ๐จ but you've sold that an' all now Janis: 'course you were Janis: why not Janis: if I HAVE to go Jimmy: can I borrow your ๐ผ๐ฝ ootd or is it too fucked from last night? Janis: Sadly that literal piece of fabric I'd wrapped around myself did not last the evening Janis: you'll think of something, I know Jimmy: it'll be round a ๐ by now Jimmy: whoever's got the ๐ฅ shrine going Janis: graced by my ๐ Janis: what could be more ๐๐ worthy Jimmy: nowt OBVS Janis: tah babes Jimmy: [a picture of all the carnage Twix has caused with these decs cos she's a naughty bab] Janis: ๐ฌ uh-oh Janis: no more nice list Jimmy: can kinky Jesus top that for ๐จ? Janis: top of the list always Janis: favourite son Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I get why you ๐๐๐ me now Janis: ha Janis: fairplay I'll lead with that comparison when introducing you Jimmy: it's a good shout Janis: it's not but it's blasphemous Janis: might get an exorcism out of it ๐ค Jimmy: I can't help being white, soz Janis: this is my ๐คถ๐พ so she'll be vexed x2 Janis: well done Jimmy: not calling you a slag again but if you wanna give me my ๐ in a way that'd have Jesus chuffed to bits and her fuming, I'll live Jimmy: ๐ญ on it for a bit Janis: ๐ค Janis: washing your feet with my hair or??? Janis: ask Gracie, hers is detachable Jimmy: I know you don't wanna twin but about the only place I ain't found strands of yours is between my toes Jimmy: tah for not making me hold it back last night Jimmy: two handed job, that Janis: if that's what you were doing with your hands, loads to brag about in the review Janis: I dunno then, fish supper? Jimmy: stick it in the group chat โ๐คฎ bit and we'll see if ๐๐ still has her phone Janis: about my lack of a gag reflex? Janis: #hardrelate and they're ๐ญ๐ญ they lost it Janis: more valuable ๐ Jimmy: her dad wouldn't agree and he'll not have stopped ๐ญ๐ญ about that lad Janis: can get surgery to pop that back Janis: her ma will know Jimmy: ๐๐ sorted Janis: he'll still KNOW Janis: no going back to being ๐ธ Jimmy: ๐๐ Janis: who's not got a dad now, like Janis: #disowned Jimmy: if she kills herself and I get stuck with her ๐ป Jimmy: that there's a REAL rom com, soz babe Janis: happily let her take you off my hands Jimmy: ๐ Janis: forever ever is an awfully long time Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: gutted I don't have a ๐ to do you a fake proposal at midnight mass Jimmy: need a Sharon leaving her tat about, sort it out Ian Janis: leaning into the hallmark romcoms there Jimmy: your nan not a fan? Janis: god knows Janis: literal, probably chats about her daily with him constant Jimmy: ๐ Janis: poor bloke Janis: not even a nun, stop bending his ear like you ๐ him Jimmy: #godssidechick Janis: she's used to it Janis: ๐ฑ Janis: LOVES the priest and all Jimmy: OMG how fit and mysterious is he? Janis: Well there's a NEW one, can you believe it Janis: haven't been in years, like Jimmy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: @graciegurl I NEED a makeover RN Janis: she'll be too busy trying to match with a baby Jimmy: ๐ท tah Janis: what? Jimmy: come on, I wanna ๐ see who's ๐ญ more, her or the ๐ถ Janis: oh Janis: [probably already harassing ruster and the kids so have at those socials] Jimmy: what did you think I meant? Janis: that would wanted her to ๐ท her motd for you to copy or something Jimmy: ๐ฅ๐ก out serve her ๐ in the eyes of god Janis: is that really a challenge though Jimmy: nah, which is why I won't actually bother Janis: sure she won't either Janis: not in a ๐ way, just the wholesome ๐ thing Jimmy: as excuses go, it's a ๐
for participation again Janis: well you'll see why when you get there Jimmy: LOVE it when you bust out a threat Jimmy: ๐คค๐คค๐คค Janis: it's not a threat really but again, sure you will be Jimmy: SO ๐ me Jimmy: sod off ๐
I'm waiting for god to hand out the ๐๐ Janis: ugh don't Janis: she does think she's a fucking gift from god Jimmy: I wanna hate her but obvs that's where you get your big head from, girl and I ๐ that about you Janis: shut up Janis: I ain't nothing like her Jimmy: ๐ค Jimmy: one of a kind ๐ Janis: just not a cunt Jimmy: thank GOD we're faking this 'cause that's totally my type Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐ Janis: go on Janis: go have a good day Janis: see you later Jimmy: say piss off like you mean it Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: I just don't want to talk about my family Jimmy: alright Jimmy: crack on slagging off mine for a bit if you want Jimmy: piss easy ๐ฏ Janis: I'm alright for it Janis: I'll go put myself in that coma Jimmy: nice of you to give Lucas a ๐ Jimmy: I'll fake not feeling left out Janis: oi Janis: I gave you presents Jimmy: not an induced coma though, were it? Janis: crack on if you've got a spare 5 minutes Jimmy: for you, always have ๐ Janis: so goals Janis: isn't that another Sandy film? Jimmy: not her in the coma Jimmy: but there is sibling bollocks that Gracie'd lose her shit over Janis: yeah but she does fuck a dude in a coma, more or less Janis: is what I'm getting at Jimmy: she's desperate for it, til she ain't Jimmy: not fake dating the way we do it Janis: so she pussies out at the end Janis: ๐ Janis: expected better of you, Sandra Jimmy: it's ages before then, trying to crack on to his brother as soon as he shows up, her Jimmy: ain't a kink unlocked, Lucas'll have to elsewhere to feel seen Janis: you know the best sites, share the wealth ๐ฎ๐จ Jimmy: might if he's got a ๐ for me Janis: it's the detentions when we get back Janis: no patience, you Jimmy: be long gone by then Janis: sucks for you then Jimmy: you'll have to tell me about it Janis: what, in my ๐s Jimmy: slide into my DMs, baby Jimmy: won't be that many J's in there Jimmy: if we're going back up north no dickhead knows their alphabet that far Jimmy: ๐ถ names stop at G for Gaz Janis: yet your ability to think up obscure J names knows no bounds Janis: weird flex but alright Jimmy: ๐๐จ Janis: oh I get it Janis: Bill talking right now Janis: ๐ lad Jimmy: valorous m'rning, wench ๐ Jimmy: at which hour art thee going to leaveth this daw and runneth off with me? Jimmy: that gent cannot coequal readeth 'r writeth Jimmy: ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ Jimmy: how shall thee knoweth thou art did love?!! Janis: I feel like Asia any time any lad opens his mouth Janis: don't fully know what you're saying but I know I like it Janis: ๐คค๐คค๐คค Jimmy: he's taking the piss out of me, 'course you do Janis: of course Janis: SUCH a bully, me Jimmy: the angelics were last night Jimmy: you've got today off Janis: s'what ๐๐ crying on in my inbox right now Janis: not like she actually makes it her life's mission to be a massive bitch to everyone or nothing ๐ Jimmy: show us Janis: [Mia acting the victim like THAT WAS TOO FAR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE etc] Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: bit rude of her to give me fuck all credit Janis: the obsession is real Janis: plus why blame a lad when you can a girl Janis: more drama more fun ๐ Jimmy: do you wanna do something? Jimmy: no challenge to go further Janis: Don't know Janis: if she's bullshitting how serious it actually is, there's always NYE to fuck up as well Jimmy: alright, do you want a night off instead? Janis: it's christmas eve Jimmy: and? Janis: only the really unlucky work it Janis: and ๐
Jimmy: there you go then, be piss easy to do ๐ต Janis: but you've got your brother Jimmy: weren't gonna put him on a selfie ban an' all Janis: he would be gutted Jimmy: he's already watched Rudolf get bullied by the ๐ lad who looks like he were in a reindeer boyband, bit of the glowing red nose for him it were, but we know how it ends Jimmy: he'll dry his eyes and be alright Janis: that film is brutal Janis: should come with a warning, tbh Jimmy: that'll be why Ian put it on for him Janis: seems like his cup of tea Janis: if your difference makes you useful, then we'll start being alright to you Janis: dunno how being deaf is gonna get all the prezzies out on time but you know Jimmy: toughen up and get a job, lad Jimmy: dunno what you're pissing about at Janis: being 6? psh Jimmy: when he were 6 he were down a mine, DUH Janis: and that's why you're short Janis: got it Jimmy: and that's why I've gotta wear ๐ Janis: Alright, you can borrow a pair Janis: don't beg Jimmy: soz that I wanna be a slag for Jesus Jimmy: his foot fetish is well known, gotta go above and beyond ๐ Janis: ๐ Janis: slags4jesus is the name of the women's group she runs so Janis: fit right in Jimmy: sign me up Janis: 'course Janis: really, you just try to one up each other with the best ๐ฐs and who the father LOVES more Janis: well like the gals, so easy Jimmy: well in, I'll do a ๐ฅง Jimmy: cut my ๐ถ๐ฆท on crusts ๐บs and ๐ฅs Janis: down the mines, I remember Janis: she LOVES a sob story Janis: obvs, the bible is one big ๐ญ๐ฑ๐คฏ read Jimmy: that's him, my only job were being a MASSIVE letdown, obvs Jimmy: employee of the month every time Janis: even barista boy is preferrable Janis: at least you can't be a mistake, being the first, like Jimmy: still managed it ๐๐ฅ๐ช Jimmy: middle kid's the only one they wanted, bit awkward she's a girl, like Janis: ๐ unlucky, Ian Jimmy: unlucky for me I am his Jimmy: ๐ an' all Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: nothing more disappointing Jimmy: ๐ค for my sister she ain't Jimmy: be nowt better as a ๐๐ Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: having a different dad would be #ultimategoals Janis: or something to have a complex about Janis: go find the other cunt and he's just as shit Jimmy: he'd have to go some Jimmy: or be ๐๐๐ Janis: give a bloke a chance and he'll just disappoint you Janis: 2 of my sisters have a different dad, and he's just as shit, just not dead Janis: not like your mum was hiding a ๐คด right Janis: fairytale shit Jimmy: Oi, that don't sound like you've been taking notes from Rudolf's #rideordie missus Janis: obviously you're the exception to every rule Jimmy: late but decent save, mate Janis: no point diving 'til you need to Janis: always premature, you Jimmy: not with ankles like yours Jimmy: and I were born late, ALMOST like I knew how grim it were up north Janis: shut up Janis: like I'd play goalie anyway, though they always try it 'cos I'm the tallest Janis: typical you too, awkward Jimmy: not enough ๐๐๐น for you, I get it Janis: just boring Jimmy: ๐ Janis: you know, you're a lad Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: SUCH a lad, me Janis: just an observation but take it as ๐๐๐น if you're hard up for it Jimmy: tah Jimmy: not having ๐๐ in my inbox is a real blow to my big head Janis: if her dad ever lets her out again Janis: hit you up to ๐ me hard, I'm sure Jimmy: I'll have the ๐ฅ ready Janis: if that's a metaphor for your inability to get it up for her, get Jimmy back, Bill, trying to talk here Jimmy: ๐ Janis: can you even imagine Janis: have more fun with a cheese grater, seriously Jimmy: ๐ฐ on Asia's dad being a right good time Janis: yeah, well you ๐ her Janis: got to have got that sparkling wit from somewhere Jimmy: hang on, these reindeer are proper starcrossed Jimmy: behind bars and all sorts Jimmy: ๐ Janis: despite what Mia reckons, don't think her daddy can jail us for this Janis: have to go a bit harder Jimmy: count me in Jimmy: reckon I'm gonna have to go a bit harder to get Ian's feet out from under the table here an' all Janis: ๐ Janis: sooner the better Janis: festivities are doing my head in Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: if Sharon gets namedropped any more than he has done, I'll be ๐ฝ for her tomorrow Janis: ew Janis: Sharon, you not got a family of your own? Janis: someone we can call, like Jimmy: sounds like she's got kids she'd be bringing Janis: ๐ฌ Janis: that's hell Jimmy: ๐ค he's all ๐จ and ain't gonna risk showing her what his happy family's like Janis: nothing better than a 'best behaviour' christmas Jimmy: I dunno, today's gonna win some ๐๐๐ Janis: you're loving rudolph and your #ladsladslads time, don't lie Jimmy: finished that, about to go on a massive ๐๐ before I smack Ian Jimmy: so festive Janis: I'm pretending I'm ๐ด Jimmy: top fake snores, yeah? Janis: that and hiding under the covers 'til they fuck off Jimmy: ๐ฅ Jimmy: I can piss off if it'll give you away Janis: don't worry Janis: they know I ain't, as my oldest sister rudely came in and tore my blankets off me Janis: still ignore them just the same Janis: sign language you taught me is well helpful Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: still loads of time to get more lessons in before the hol is over Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐ Janis: least the kid will enjoy your walk Janis: and the ๐ Janis: obvs Jimmy: ๐๐ฌ and ๐๐ Jimmy: ๐๐ 'cause you ain't here Janis: ๐ Janis: tell her it's mutual Jimmy: tell her yourself, you ain't mute Jimmy: ๐จ๐ Janis: am too Janis: ๐ค Jimmy: should've said you lost your voice last night Jimmy: what could be more #goals or a better alibi for not grassing up ๐๐ Janis: should've had this ๐ฅ๐ก last night Janis: idc, she knew it was us, it was obvious, half the point Jimmy: talk to me then Janis: I am Jimmy: ๐? Janis: oh, I get it Janis: you wanna chat so you look ๐ too Janis: yeah, alright Jimmy: the health of your vocal cords is well important to me and my nursing kink Jimmy: nowt else Janis: practice makes perfect Janis: go ahead, least then I can pretend this is a private conversation Jimmy: [sings her a song from the Rudolf film like hey] Janis: [dramatic late 90s slow jam that it is lmao, how could you not lol] Jimmy: [Bobby may be deaf but the other peeps out and about aren't so I'm loling, oh jimothy] Janis: [just like, have you considered going on whatever x factor equivalent is a thing now] Jimmy: [talking about how much their fans would love that and they'd be starcrossed af while he's doing it] Janis: ['dedicate every performance to me, pretend I'm dying in some hospital somewhere, miraculous recovery for the finale'] Jimmy: ['be a top plot twist when you kill me'] Janis: ['press'll have a field day'] Jimmy: ['Ian'll be chuffed to bits' because we know his mum's disappearance got some attention locally hens] Janis: ['lives for attention too, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['you'd be a great match, you're right'] Janis: ['you'll have to introduce me'] Jimmy: ['come round tomorrow, more the merrier, clearly' thank god I'm not actually gonna make you spend it with Ian's gf though] Janis: ['just tell the kid he's got to be a dick, not all cute and friendly, she won't wanna come back'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll get him practicing, have him kick this dog or something'] Janis: [noise equivalent of an eyeroll] Jimmy: ['what were that?' as if we don't know] Janis: ['you're a dickhead' but a light tone we're not fuming lol] Jimmy: [say it back but likewise not in a fuming way] Janis: ['any fans out?'] Jimmy: [sending pisstakey pics of people who definitely aren't fans that she won't see til this phone call ends to make her lol 'nowt we could go where there wouldn't be' like we're SO popular which is another pisstake but honestly where's the lie] Janis: ['true, even the sheep rate us'] Jimmy: ['first class representation'll do that' because that sheep costume was great and we all know it] Janis: ['good times' not even lying] Jimmy: ['the lad'll be heartbroken you ain't here an' all if he wants to craft in a bit' because also true] Janis: ['he don't need my help, or yours' lil art hoe but we sad 'cos bored and fuming about xmas lol] Jimmy: [noise equivalent of like mhmm without being that cos he's not one of the gals, when you open your mouth to say I need you though after that but obvs can't and don't] Janis: ['you twirling the cord 'round your finger?' like he is one of those gals] Jimmy: ['might be'] Janis: ['alright, tease' ๐] Jimmy: [a noise like he's so OTT offended like call me a slag or anything else but not that] Janis: ['soz, but if the secretarial role and blank expression fits, babe'] Jimmy: ['I ain't trying to be my dad's type, you want Mia on your other line, babes'] Janis: [a noise like ew, okay, this is weird 'I'll stop'] Jimmy: ['stop what?' like we're playing but really we're like don't stop talking to me ILY] Janis: ['you shouldn't have provided such a compelling narrative, but her in my inbox is enough, if I have to HEAR her attempt at a Southside accent, like you're not from here as well Mia'] Jimmy: [a noise because we sincerely and genuinely hate her so much] Janis: ['caveman works better, who's type is that but mine, obvs'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll do a twitter poll'] Janis: ['you're meant to be having a day off' the affection in our voice] Jimmy: ['I don't want one' true but we'll pretend it's fake if we have to] Janis: ['junkie' and a jokey tut] Jimmy: ['that's every dickhead I ain't made a latte for all day'] Janis: ['the shakes are real, Gracie's fucked her steady hand, like'] Jimmy: ['explains the shit make up' harsh sir] Janis: [lols but gasps like we're so SHOOK hunz 'you that wanted the makeover earlier, like'] Jimmy: ['never said I could do any better'] Janis: ['you don't need any, bastard'] Jimmy: ['neither do you, no need to mard at me' again where's the lie] Janis: ['I ain't, but I can see why they obsess over you, don't know whether to punch you or fuck you'] Jimmy: [a lol] Janis: ['choice is made easy with me by how straight they are, especially Mia and Ella' like lofuckingl hen] Jimmy: [a bigger lol] Janis: [silently ๐] Jimmy: ['if you wanna do the full face of silver again, won't mard at you' cos what a look tbh] Janis: [hmms like we're pondering 'how many hickeys do you still have?' adds 'that'll be on show' quieter, because we know and we remembering 'if it's not a lot, a red lip might be a fair shout to show how much we're sinning'] Jimmy: [lost in our thoughts being distracted af for a while there because we already missed the bae but now we MISS her as well 'not as many as you' isn't even true but 1. we're competitive ย and 2. we're shamelessly asking for more here like it isn't christmas eve and we aren't starcrossed rn] Janis: ['can't have that...' also distracted, obvs 'he'll be going to sleep well early, yeah? so santa comes sooner' 'cos I do remember going to bed earlier like the sooner you're asleep the sooner he'll be here 'could do something more fun than singing hymns before, maybe'] Jimmy: ['he's got the tracker but if nowt else I'll cause a sugar crash' because kids all do be tracking Santa now on an app like gotta get to bed before he flies over your area lol but jimothy is like you WILL go to bed early Bobert because he already wants to get away 'reckon I could pick you up without causing an actual one though' because not above stealing Ian's car and abandoning it somewhere on christmas eve, it's very deserved] Janis: [makes an ugh noise, like don't even with that bloody tracker lmao 'but I can walk now' 'cos just assuming that's what he means, as per] Jimmy: ['but Ian deserves to more than you' because he does and how funny is that as a visual him trying to find his car, sucks to suck sir 'he might like the middle of nowt, move us there an' all'] imagine the next door neighbour cliche haha] Janis: [catching on like lol, alright 'never mind wifeswap, houseswap it is'] Jimmy: ['pick him a sheep, give it a blonde dye job, name it Sharon, paradise for him, that'] Janis: [just like ewwww] Jimmy: ['alright, I hear you, no farmyard threesomes at my housewarming' don't worry bae, won't fuck a sheep lol] Janis: ['I'm just thinking about how I look like a sheep with a blonde dye job' pouty voice] Jimmy: ['shut up' like NO YOU DON'T 'you look-' remembering that we can't just out ourselves 'fit, mysterious and obvs, most importantly, goals'] Janis: ['you would say that' like sheep shagger lol] Jimmy: ['never even seen a sheep before that nativity bollocks, me' oh manchester never been there but I have heard you are shit] Janis: ['I forgot you ain't moors and dales Northern'] Jimmy: [an OTT how dare you kinda noise like you should remember everything about me] Janis: ['I know, I know, gotta study for the next Q&A'] Jimmy: ['gotta go cry my eyes out'] Janis: ['shh, baby' ๐ 'twix will comfort you'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like a sheep, her'] Janis: ['you are an animal'] Jimmy: [a pisstakey grr or whatever which everyone out and about will enjoy I'm sure] Janis: ['do that again' like you're SO into it but we're obvs loling] Jimmy: [does though because no shame] Janis: ['perks of a deaf brother is he has no idea how embarrassing you are, I get it now'] Jimmy: ['not saying I deafened him cos my sister hates me or owt but'] Janis: [gasps like OMG and does the eastenders duff duffs] Jimmy: [loling again because we're just having a lovely time with the bae] Janis: ['so on brand for you' like you did cripple me 'what are you gonna try tonight, like' like how you gonna injure me again but it just sounds saucy] Jimmy: ['I'll think of something' cos we're thinking all the saucy things now] Janis: ['I believe in you'] Jimmy: ['more than that other dickhead' yeah we do mean santa lol] Janis: ['no need to be jealous, he was a right let down for us all'] Jimmy: ['I ain't, my lap's never been a letdown for you'] Janis: [just a noise so then we're like 'shut up' but soft 'cos we're embarrassed] Jimmy: [telling her to do it again like she did but not in a pisstakey manner at all this time] Janis: ['you should be here, then you could make me make whatever sounds you wanted'] Jimmy: ['in a bit' but with way more feeling than it suggests, like that's a promise honey] Janis: ['good' likewise, practically a sigh of relief at the prospect] Jimmy: [a sigh from him in return but because he wishes it was now] Janis: ['I-' and whatever we were gonna say is not gonna be said '-I've gotta go, I think' tbf the fam are probably being annoying so go moodily sit on your phone] Jimmy: ['you-' likewise we're not finishing that sentence 'should piss off then' but soft because we're not annoyed we're just forlorn] Janis: good chat ๐ช๐ Jimmy: [sending her even more hilarious 'fan' pics because we gotta do something to cheer us] Jimmy: ๐โ Janis: when ain't that flasher looking bloke in my DMs, honestly ๐ Jimmy: #same Jimmy: if you were after a threesome, he's the one Janis: we don't need to spice it up Janis: we proved that Jimmy: won't bother asking him if he needs a lift in a bit then Janis: just saying, ๐๐ literally threatened to tell my ma on me Janis: like go ahead, I don't wanna fuck her so Jimmy: your mum might be after a bit of gossip about what a cheating slag ๐๐ is Jimmy: SUCH a bad influence for Gracie, that Janis: sadly not that kind of Sharon Janis: though she already hates her 'cos who don't Jimmy: chuffed for her that she ain't in the running to ๐ Ian Janis: we only PRETEND you're my hot step-brother sometimes Janis: don't ruin the fantasy, guys Jimmy: they've got form for not being seen again, and the orphan at ๐ bollocks is a bit too cliche even for you, my dear Janis: fine Janis: at least take my sister then Janis: ffs Ian Jimmy: which one? Janis: oldest one Janis: I don't want you to meet her Jimmy: knowing him he could go through 'em all before new year's Janis: ones already dead so it's only 3 Janis: easy Jimmy: there you go then Janis: IOU Jimmy: ๐๐๐ me before new year's and we're even Janis: Promise Jimmy: and have a ๐ญ where we should leave his car Janis: I know a place Jimmy: I knew you would Janis: I am half criminal Janis: his stereotype is correct Jimmy: me an' all, he just ain't been caught for owt Jimmy: that #whiteprivilege Janis: 'cept the arse slapping Janis: but I ask you, is it SUCH a crime to tell a woman to smile more? Jimmy: slap on the wrist then though, bit poetic Janis: bit kinky Janis: frankly, he was into it Jimmy: 'course Janis: does depend though Janis: do you want his car left alone or do you want it burnt out Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one you should answer Jimmy: depends if chauffeuring you about is gonna become a regular thing, more like Janis: if I was bothered about that, I'd just date a 17 year old Janis: there's 2 real options, or 3 Jimmy: it's 45 + or nowt for you, Janet, every dickhead knows that Janis: exactly, got those lifts on tap Jimmy: probably shouldn't make my sister that easy prey for Lucas and his mates, the rivalry would be knackering Jimmy: my fake age's already getting a bit old for him ๐ Janis: then there's 2 options Janis: we can put it in a ditch Janis: that might result in a bit more damage, but it might also make him think someone else nicked it? idk Janis: or we can just put it in a field by mine, less damage but it'll be more obvious it were you, if that's what you want Jimmy: I don't reckon he'll pack up and move just 'cause there's dickhead car thieves about Janis: more obvious the better Janis: alright Jimmy: ๐ Janis: just don't crash on your way over Jimmy: I won't have had chance to get pissed, it's alright Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐ฅ out for ๐
not Ian's precious ๐ฅ OBVS Janis: very wholesome Janis: nothing to do with how depleted his stock is Jimmy: ๐ Janis: imagine how wrecked ๐
would be by the end of the night Jimmy: bit like you last night is what I ๐ญ Janis: You had the outfit Janis: uncanny, some would say Jimmy: alright, enjoy your ๐ญ๐ Janis: shut up Janis: if I was that pissed, wouldn't even remember it so there Jimmy: it were an unforgettable outfit Jimmy: and you've got loads of ๐ท Janis: ๐ Janis: I'll go ๐ then Jimmy: go on Janis: don't distract me Jimmy: why not? Janis: because Jimmy: ? Janis: I already want to see you Janis: don't make it worse Jimmy: you won't if you forget about me ๐ป๐ Janis: that's only the plan for when you've fucked off Janis: or if we end this before then Jimmy: getting Lucas to comfort you in detention, yeah I've heard Janis: just inevitable, that Jimmy: just that #fated Janis: like you said, he strikes when ๐ Janis: #grooming101 Jimmy: it's a ๐ญ shame the Sharons all are too old for him Janis: biggest difference between him and his bezzie mate Ian, obvs Jimmy: ๐ป๐ป Janis: they work around it Janis: so solid Jimmy: OBVS where I get my work ethic from Janis: must be Janis: we'll be nice and not call it an addiction Jimmy: keep you on that list until after ๐
's pissed off Janis: BABE ๐ค Janis: I'm ALWAYS nice to you Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: and wouldn't in case you kick off, proper nightmare, you Janis: ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ OMG Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: the real #goals Jimmy: ๐ชor โ๐
Janis: โ would be satisfying Jimmy: bit rude that we're PRETENDING my ๐
isn't Jimmy: but alright, from ๐๐'s SUPER straight POV, I get it Jimmy: closed mouth ๐๐ธ Janis: if she's not gonna blow you, you aren't allowed to go down on her Janis: s'like, the rules Jimmy: #daddyperks Janis: only man big enough to trigger her gag reflex Janis: how romantic Jimmy: ๐ Janis: ๐ฌ feel sick myself Jimmy: you said you wanted turning off Jimmy: job done Janis: not exactly what I said, bighead Jimmy: shh Janis: or what Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: we'll be back at square 1 Janis: fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: ๐ Jimmy: wings did suit you Janis: got some weird looks bringing them back on the bus Jimmy: surprised you didn't ๐ฅ knowing what you're like Janis: should've Janis: they aren't actually mine but dunno why I let that stop me Jimmy: whose are they? Jimmy: ๐ค for your gay brother tbh Janis: he isn't the camp cliche Janis: thankfully Janis: but my mum is weird so swings and roundabouts Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll be the camp cliche your family is missing Janis: thanks Janis: just what I needed a fake boyfriend for tbh Jimmy: duh Janis: ๐ Jimmy: Oi, don't ๐ @ me Janis: ๐๐๐๐ Janis: it's @ the ๐ Jimmy: nice try on the ๐ for that sec Janis: it's not in my nature Janis: believe it or not Jimmy: that'll why it were such a good costume Janis: Rude Jimmy: it's a compliment, dickhead Jimmy: take it Janis: that I'm a right bitch, yeah, tah Jimmy: that weren't what I said Jimmy: nowt but ๐'s getting me out of here Janis: works for you Jimmy: and what, me needing a hand off you does nowt for you all of a sudden? Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: just reminds me I'm here for the foreseeable Jimmy: I'll shove you in my bag, SO flexible, you, I've heard Janis: and you're so funny Jimmy: you ain't heard that anywhere about Janis: you gutted they're not gossiping about your fit personality Janis: poor baby Jimmy: sounds about right Jimmy: ๐ these dickheads don't know everything about me Jimmy: all I want for ๐ that Janis: it's great fun Janis: really recommend Jimmy: ๐ 10/10 5โญs Jimmy: you're alright, I've been there, done it Jimmy: bought the ๐ Janis: dunno why you want to go back Jimmy: never said I did Janis: yeah but Janis: don't you Jimmy: for what? Janis: same reason you wanna leave Jimmy: never said that either Janis: everywhere's the same Janis: why does it matter that you piss off Jimmy: it don't matter to me Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: ๐ Janis: don't be a douche Jimmy: how am I? Janis: just no need to be condescending Jimmy: I weren't Janis: ๐ Jimmy: you get it, that's not nowt when I'm shit with words Jimmy: take your ๐ Janis: should've been more obvious Janis: all you care about is your brother and sister Jimmy: don't @ my manager, tah Janis: ๐ค Janis: coffee IS your passion Jimmy: โ๐ Janis: top ๐ฅbarista boy Jimmy: *๐ฅ Janis: I put you on the podium, don't push it Jimmy: I'll push you off yours if you're gonna be a dickhead Janis: *pedestal Janis: we can confirm ๐ฅ alright Jimmy: steady on ๐ค Jimmy: and yeah, you can give yourself ๐ฅ often as you like Janis: you won't be invited to ๐ Jimmy: don't need an invite when I've got a long lens, babe Janis: ๐ก just FYI Jimmy: ๐๐ท Jimmy: FYI my ๐ might look a bit like you but she's a shit muse Janis: 1. so complimentary today, definitely posting all these animal comparisons to the 'gram 2. never work with ๐, ๐ถ or ๐ถ๐ Jimmy: I could do better but you told me you couldn't hack it Janis: no I never Jimmy: don't make it worse, you said Janis: fine, do Jimmy: [a ๐ฅ๐ฅ sext that's full of compliments because she asked for it] Janis: okay Janis: you're Jimmy: I wanna see you an' all Janis: I can't stop thinking about you today Jimmy: it'll chuck the outfit back on if that were it Janis: not just that Janis: but it was a bonus Jimmy: what else? Janis: just Janis: you were fun Janis: and hot Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, am I not ALWAYS? Janis: shh, you know what I mean Janis: I want to see you especially hard today Jimmy: I'm just taking the piss, you're alright Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Janis: or I will have to make sure you feel it Jimmy: I already do feel it but that ain't a no Jimmy: on owt you wanna make me do Janis: that's a ๐ก๐ญ Jimmy: go on Janis: I keep thinking Janis: we could make use of the car Janis: ๐ธ some more evidence for you Jimmy: you're impressive Janis: I selfishly just want to, but if we can make it useful we do, that's the rules, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can call me impressive all you like Jimmy: you can earn it however you like Janis: fuck Janis: why are you the only lad that's interesting Jimmy: why do you want other lads to be interesting? Janis: I don't Janis: I didn't think you would be Jimmy: rude Janis: 'cos you thought I would be Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't Janis: I've got eyes, not saying that Janis: it's Janis: I didn't expect this, obviously Jimmy: fit AND mysterious, that means I were interested Janis: reasons there's gay rumours, I guess Jimmy: I don't care what the dickheads at school think, I'm telling you what I reckoned Janis: I'm glad you picked me Janis: for loads of reasons Jimmy: me an' all Janis: I didn't disappoint then? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: you make it very hard to beg for validation, you know ๐ Jimmy: you make it well easy to beg for all sorts Janis: I wanna hear Janis: I really want that Jimmy: alright but I'm not saying it in front of all your sisters and nans Janis: well that ain't what I want either, oddly enough Jimmy: go to whatever hiding place your mum ain't stashed ๐๐ Janis: we always find places to be alone Jimmy: impressive, I said it Janis: I don't disagree Jimmy: good, 'cause it'd only be for the sake of Janis: I'm being nice Janis: I want to be, to you, anyway Jimmy: I don't disagree with that either Jimmy: you're being so Janis: you've earnt it Janis: today would be more shit if you weren't about to talk to so Jimmy: I don't need to go on about how #relatable that is when there's loads more you wanna hear me say but Janis: rude of me when you're not much of a talker Janis: like it when you do though Jimmy: [call her up again this time to talk her ear off in a saucy manner boy] Janis: [into it honey] Jimmy: [we know what #mood you are both very much in rn and where that's heading lol] Janis: [I hope you hear Ian, not in a weird way but fuck you lol] Jimmy: [agreed also not in a weird way] Janis: [start as we mean to go on, and we're fucking you over sir] Jimmy: [not soz because you're literally one of the worst parents we have and that's saying something] Janis: [you do deserve it, even if this doesn't produce the effect you want Jimothy, not soz about that either though] Jimmy: [am very soz you're gonna get hurt but not soz you're staying here with your bae forever] Janis: [yeah that's not nice, we are running awayawayay] Jimmy: [and taking all our faves with us, unlucky Mia] Janis: [we can skip now we've made you pine though?] Jimmy: [yeah we know the vibe is that you're hating life until you can be together and your fams would be keeping you at least a bit busy] Janis: what you wearing if not the costume? Janis: I'm ๐ค Jimmy: what do you want me to? Janis: I'm thinking not church respectable but without being the costumes, you know Janis: festive hoe hoe hoe lite Janis: that's the VIBE babe Jimmy: [sends her options with him doing pisstakey impressions of how the gals pose] Jimmy: ? Janis: YOU LOOK STUNNING, YOU HAVE TO UPLOAD THESE ALL! Janis: but [an option, I'll show you what I'm going with for her and then you can pick whatever you want lol] is good Jimmy: [does upload them all cos no shame] Janis: [so many pisstakey hype comments like ๐๐๐ like we're not lying but we being like the #gals] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time via socials, sucks to suck Mia cos we know you're in the shit hun] Janis: [i'd feel bad if you weren't awful, you need calming down frankly madam] Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: pub, of course Janis: xmas eve pub crawl is tradition Jimmy: ๐ป Janis: that alright? Jimmy: it's what that pisshead ๐
would want us to do Janis: RIP 'til next year Janis: if you make it Jimmy: you promised to ๐๐๐ me before new year's so if I'm still about that'll be your fault Janis: I'm talking about pisshead ๐
Janis: he's already ๐ฅด Jimmy: [sends her a screenshot of this tracker showing wherever he is] Janis: love it Janis: need one for you Janis: #amiriteladiez Jimmy: if it means I don't get lost on the way to yours, crack on Janis: strap a satnav to you Jimmy: need a big strap to go round my head Janis: massive Janis: one of those resistance bands Jimmy: if them athlete rumours weren't bollocks you'll be able to sort that piss easy Janis: can't wait to twang you 'round the face with it Jimmy: ๐๐คค๐คค Jimmy: on the same page, us, as per Janis: speaking of Janis: want a preview of what I've decided on for ๐๐ or you want a surprise? Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Janis: fair warning, it's no angel look, I don't need to be ๐ฉ down before you can ๐ช Jimmy: I were gonna ask if my ๐ด๐ were gonna give out but that answers that Janis: soz, not yet Janis: disappointing now Jimmy: nah, hot priest's jaw'll still be on the floor and your shit nan'll still be ๐ Janis: [this glittery 70s moment] Janis: it's festive but it DOES not honour God so yeah Janis: ๐ณ and ๐ก respectively Jimmy: ๐ฅ Jimmy: might have to โ you for today's ๐จ 'cause that's Jimmy: #art Janis: I've even got a discoball to shine in his ๐ when he's trying to read Jimmy: thought of everything, you Janis: well Janis: had to do something to occupy my ๐ Janis: couldn't keep bothering you ALL day, not very ๐ Jimmy: gonna have to do something to pull my weight Jimmy: not very goals of me to leave this all to you Janis: trust me, just showing up is enough Jimmy: for them, not you Janis: you know what I want Janis: so it is enough for me too Jimmy: alright Janis: you're gonna steal and not crash your dad's car Janis: that's impressive Jimmy: ๐ for you Jimmy: had no chance to test out my gag reflex so Janis: you know how to drive though Jimmy: yeah Janis: good Janis: not being held responsible for vehicular manslaughter Jimmy: you can leave out the ๐ค words, I ain't letting nowt happen to you Janis: more concerned about you Janis: just don't use me as an alibi, I know nothing about this plan ๐ถ Jimmy: ah the Sharon defense Jimmy: ๐ Janis: your white privilege, you'll be fine Jimmy: Lucas is gonna be SO into you Janis: yeah, need that throwback Jimmy: he does, to when you were years younger Janis: ๐ค for his christmas wish Jimmy: tell me if it worked and I'm fake dating a 12 year old Jimmy: ๐ค you'd be as obvs as Tom Hanks in that film and I'd know but Janis: ๐ค you wouldn't be as down as the woman in that Jimmy: chuffed to bits, her Jimmy: if I ever seem that excited to see you it's ๐ช๐ช๐ง๐จ Janis: obviously Janis: nothing but a deathwish here Jimmy: ๐๐ Janis: stop calling me a sheep dickhead Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: you're repeating it Jimmy: I were just saying you might wanna brace yourself to scrape your mates off my windscreen if them dickheads are owt like you Janis: they're stupid so yeah Janis: farmer's got guns though and that's not how I wanted to go Jimmy: BABE don't call yourself thick OMG Janis: ๐ Janis: that's the rest of my family Janis: I'm Shaun Jimmy: jumper did suit you Janis: tah Jimmy: can't rate it as high as the wings or silver face but Janis: can accept the ๐ฅ Jimmy: might have to be chucked off the podium for today's outfit ๐๐ป Janis: but...we matched, babe ๐ญ Jimmy: ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ Jimmy: IDK WHAT TO DO Janis: perils of turning too many lewks Jimmy: so rude of you Janis: maybe I'll make it up to you Jimmy: taking it off won't effect the rankings, Jules Janis: are you sure about that ๐ค Jimmy: you've got your own scale, girl Janis: do I Jimmy: yeah Janis: go on then Janis: don't leave me hanging Jimmy: I never said you were having it Janis: rude Jimmy: you're rude, stop trying to make me ๐ณ dickhead Janis: ๐ Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: it'll clash with my outfit, duh Janis: red cheeks go well with a red nose Jimmy: piss off, ain't even had a drink yet Janis: plenty of time to remedy that Jimmy: how long's it gonna take me to get to the middle of nowt for you? Janis: not that long in a car Janis: it's only that long on the bus 'cos of all the stops Jimmy: crack on doing your face red for church then ๐ Jimmy: take you ages that will Janis: oi Janis: so rude and so hypocritical Jimmy: you can do mine an' all Jimmy: know how you feel about ๐๐s like Janis: can do Janis: since you're so against ๐ณ Jimmy: let a lad be mysterious Janis: you're gonna be Janis: only gracie has heard about you so Jimmy: know she rates me and my โ๐จ Janis: hardly a ๐ that Jimmy: I don't want any ๐ from her, tah Jimmy: weren't like I accidentally picked the wrong twin out 'cause you look SO alike Janis: yeah I'll remember you ๐ฌ that when you try and ๐ฌ otherwise later Jimmy: you gonna smack me in the head til I'm ๐ง ๐๐๐ in a bit ? FINALLY Janis: you haven't got a brother I'm interested in so nah Janis: soz Jimmy: might do somewhere, don't be too ๐๐ญ๐ป yet Janis: keep you having the odd ๐ก๐ญ 'til that's #confirmed Jimmy: ๐ Janis: start the family tree, like Jimmy: weren't what I were gonna draw for you but alright Janis: if I have any more pictures of myself, people other than you might catch on to the big head thing Jimmy: I get it, you want a picture of me Jimmy: very subtle Janis: ๐ Jimmy: dunno if I've got a big enough piece of paper tbh Janis: s'what I tell EVERYONE Jimmy: love a Q&A you do Janis: *the fans Jimmy: *you Janis: lies and slander Jimmy: I keep telling you #notallsantas Jimmy: he's a lying pisstaking bastard but ME, nah Janis: ๐๐ Janis: believe in you when I ๐ you Jimmy: I've got the ๐s, you'll be seeing me in a bit Janis: ๐ Janis: be waiting Jimmy: Where? Jimmy: I can't pull up and let them all ๐ me Janis: pull up in my neighbours drive instead Janis: I'll be there Janis: [location] Jimmy: be able to spot your โจ even with my ๐ด๐ Janis: 'course Janis: try not to blind you with my #shine Jimmy: ๐ x as high as a northerner can count, you Janis: oh you Janis: ๐ Jimmy: don't be too chuffed that's only about ๐๐๐ Janis: ๐ just as fast Janis: whatever will I do Jimmy: forgive me, obvs Janis: not your fault you're thick Jimmy: and I don't reckon Lucas' priority is improving my literacy, call me dead cynical Janis: wouldn't bet on it, personally Janis: but don't need to bet on this lot dobbing me in so we're ๐ Janis: might even get a cuppa, if I'm lucky Jimmy: if I were gonna call you a slag, it'd be now, with my jealousy ๐จ Janis: ๐ Janis: unlucky, boy Jimmy: ๐๐๐๐๐๐ Janis: shoulda got yourself a travel cup Jimmy: if I'd let the group chat know what we were up to they'd have reminded us Janis: SO helpful Janis: beside, not actually gonna go in Janis: be a bit awkward Jimmy: they've probably got pjs on, I get it Jimmy: too fit and mysterious, you Janis: just don't reckon showing up to your former childhood mates house unannounced is the one Janis: especially dressed like this much of a twat Jimmy: NOW I get it, you're ๐ Jimmy: would be awkward, that Janis: exactly Janis: not like I ain't spoke to 'em in years Jimmy: ๐ and ๐ณ Jimmy: this were the rom com all along Janis: obviously Janis: my sister did it first so โ unoriginal Jimmy: you're welcome for the nudge, mate Janis: SO funny Janis: hurry up and drive, dickhead Jimmy: don't ๐ฅถ my dear Jimmy: there's loads more fun ways for your stubbornness to get you killed Janis: come show me Jimmy: [a picture of whatever shows the speed you're driving for cars of this era like okay we are going as fast as we can] Jimmy: no luck on the ๐ฎ๐ escort, must've pissed off the lads by spending all my time with you Janis: I get it Janis: I miss you too Jimmy: it feels like ages Janis: yeah Janis: just a hectic day init Jimmy: *shit day Janis: that too Jimmy: Oi, you're my โ Jimmy: you're supposed to say some bollocks like when this is over we can just Janis: we can do whatever we want Jimmy: what about the ๐s and โs? Janis: apart from that Janis: and school Janis: and the shit we have to do for the fans Janis: called a silverlining, alright, not the whole fucking cloud Jimmy: gonna run out of paper there yourself, all them bulletpoints Janis: not an actual ๐ผ or other type of miracle worker Jimmy: ๐ฑ๐ฑ YOU WHAT? ๐ Janis: never said I was Janis: just a good costume ๐ Jimmy: never acted like you were either, I remember that much Janis: you weren't complaining Jimmy: you do make it hard to ๐จ Janis: you promised you would though Jimmy: I will Jimmy: ๐๐ช๐ฅ me Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: whatever we want, you said Janis: yeah Janis: I did Jimmy: I wanna keep my promises Janis: okay Janis: I want it too Jimmy: alright then Janis: ๐ Jimmy: if it weren't your night off you could tell it to the fans Jimmy: shot yourself in the good ankle there, Jean Janis: I'll have to patiently wait instead Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: ๐ฒ Janis: watch me Jimmy: on you go Janis: no, on YOU go Janis: I'm staying put Jimmy: press record so I can ๐๐ฟ you try to wait Jimmy: be a right ๐ Janis: ๐ฃ Janis: not laughing when I was having tea and you weren't Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're struggling already though Janis: Shh, I am not Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: I'm not that easy to break, thank you Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: like you're a ๐ด and I'm some rich lass Janis: another animal comparison Janis: making me miss you less by the second tbh Jimmy: one I'd be fine with ๐๐โ so alright, you can be the ๐ฐ๐ฐ Janis: ๐ Janis: you might be fine, I'd have serious internal injuries Jimmy: UGH okay, just the tip Jimmy: if that's really not how you wanna go Janis: how Bill really wanted to end Romeo and Juliet but you know Janis: he was already ๐ Jimmy: bloody censorship Janis: what's worse, bestiality or necrophilia? Jimmy: if you wanna keep your job, probably get down the cemetery Janis: you brought it up, horsecock Janis: not taking the blame Jimmy: you asked, there's your answer Janis: FINE Janis: get Bill back on the line Jimmy: he's biased, he wants you to fuck his corpse Janis: does explicitly state otherwise on his tombstone Jimmy: I know what I've heard from his ๐ป Janis: awh, he talks about me Jimmy: never shuts up Jimmy: oh hang on, he wants you to fuck MY corpse Jimmy: ๐ป๐ problems Janis: interesting Janis: how either way, he wants me to fuck you Jimmy: his mind Janis: ๐๐ง Jimmy: all the ๐๐๐น Janis: yeah, had to read some of his shit every year since we were like 10 Janis: we ๐ get ๐ it ๐ bill ๐ Jimmy: brb gotta โข a ๐ถ๐ called That's Not My Bard before some other dickhead does Janis: ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ค Jimmy: now you're impatiently waiting Jimmy: job done Janis: LOVE when you call me a gold digger Jimmy: you'd be a shit one Jimmy: don't make THAT much in tips Janis: not my goal Jimmy: no shit, you'd be on Mia's daddy if it were Janis: yeah Janis: or our neighbours dad Jimmy: or Ella's judging by her house Janis: exactly Jimmy: I'll @ 'em all when I ain't driving and can write a longer brag Janis: or application to be their sidepiece Janis: ๐ you Jimmy: #bitofrough ๐ Janis: ๐ Jimmy: come on, you know you're my fave job Janis: piss off Jimmy: baby Janis: shh Janis: focus on your driving, asshole Jimmy: ๐ Janis: ๐ Jimmy: [show up when it's been long enough sir] Janis: [get out of these people's drive tah girl, probably think you hoeing or something] Jimmy: [that isn't a rumour we need, turn the heating up boy she'll be cold after standing about] Janis: [been as stealth as poss. I hope] Jimmy: [also please don't crash the car cos you're ๐ing at her we don't need that either] Janis: ['you wanna abandon it now or later?' like are you gonna drunk drive or what 'cos obviously we're going out] Jimmy: ['where are we starting the pub crawl?' cos obvs don't wanna have to walk for miles and miles] Janis: ['there's enough 'round here to do one' shrug like up to you] Jimmy: [a nod like alright then we'll stick around here] Janis: [put feet on the dash like I'm warming up first though] Jimmy: [puts christmas songs on like I know you wanna hear these cos it's been a whole second since either of us have been forced to] Janis: [Ughs IRL Jimmy: [finds something less festive and annoying] Janis: ['kid go to sleep?'] Jimmy: [another nod but a face that expresses what fun and games it was to get him to] Janis: ['Libi ain't' 'cos she and mcvickers are probably sleeping over] Jimmy: ['he'll be gutted when he finds that out'] Janis: [mimes ๐ 'too much sugar and I told her she can catch santa in the act so they're gonna have to try hard to fool her tonight'] Jimmy: [๐ cos we approve] Janis: [shrugs 'if I've gotta go to midnight mass, fuck their night too, yeah'] Jimmy: [a nudge like excuse you I'm going too so you'll have loads of fun because we do remember earlier when she called him fun and hot] Janis: [nudging him back like what? 'I get to ruin your night too 'cos I'm helping with the car' gestures like duh] Jimmy: ['ruin it then' how suggestive sir] Janis: [a kinda half LOOK 'cos obvs wanna but we're mad at you so can't yet] Jimmy: [a look like ? because we know that's not a full LOOK] Janis: [turns back to the xmas tunes like there you go] Jimmy: [turns them off fully because what's wrong please tell us] Janis: ['rude to Mariah' 'cos when is it not that song lol] Jimmy: ['she'll live' cos everyone else is listening to her lol] Janis: ['if she don't get that high note out, she might explode'] Jimmy: [turns it back on so she can have her moment] Janis: [just like there you go] Jimmy: [just looking at her] Janis: [own ? look] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: ['what do you mean 'what'?] Jimmy: [a nudge like you know what I mean] Janis: ['what?' again like, soz, not making this easy rn] Jimmy: ['I asked you first' and drawing a ? on her for emphasis] Janis: ['you didn't need to come early if you didn't want to'] Jimmy: ['I know' like obvs I did want to what are you talking about] Janis: ['a job is gonna be easier if you stick to what actually needs to be done'] Jimmy: [a noise like really this is why you're upset but we're saying 'come here'] Janis: [scowling like don't take the piss and shaking our head 'let's just go if we're going'] Jimmy: [repeating it like no seriously come here and be closer to me and look at me] Janis: ['this is stupid' 'cos we can't handle things normally and going to get out like what are you doing] Jimmy: [does get out like fine if you won't come to me I'll come to you and does so we're in her grill with eye contact 'yeah it is'] Janis: ['get out of my face' but not in an aggressive way] Jimmy: ['don't be a dickhead' likewise not in an aggressive way] Janis: ['stop saying I am' like stop acting like it's all me being stupid] Jimmy: [an exasperated noise that we can't help as is as much like I wish I was better at this than it is like an ugh against you gal 'I wanna be here'] Janis: ['clearly not now' which again is far more of, because I've fucked it up than it is a drag but there we go, again trying to walk away] Jimmy: ['don't be telling me what I want' we're not letting you go hen] Janis: ['it wasn't supposed to be another chore, and I don't want it if it is'] Jimmy: ['I've wanted to be here all day' because true, like that's the chore babe, not this] Janis: [just closing our eyes as we can't move away without pushing him rn and we aren't there yet 'you keep making me look stupid' pause 'not you, like you on purpose but this fucking...situation, I keep fucking it up'] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like I clearly upset you by being a dickhead so I'm fucking up too, it's not just you 'it's a headfuck, we've both said' cos it is and you have] Janis: ['you never come off looking as bad as I do' remembering every stupid thing we've ever said or done 'cos that bitch like wow, I look so lame, great but nods 'yeah' 'cos not disagreeing with that bit] Jimmy: ['I'll make a twat of myself now if that'll help' goes to get on the roof on this car like not even taking the piss we genuinely don't want her to feel bad] Janis: [just putting your arms out like don't slip 'cos lord knows it be icy 'I'd rather I just stopped but sure' like what is your plan tbh boy] Jimmy: [stands on this car roof and loudly recounts some scenario before they were paired up for this computer science project and he wanted to talk to her or whatever but made a twat of himself instead idk but you know the vibe and the trope haha like and this was before we were even in this situation so there you go] Janis: [just looking at him for the longest time then gesturing for him to get down like come here] Jimmy: [does obviously without falling to his death] Janis: ['truce?' and putting out you hand again because we can't and aren't outright apologizing] Jimmy: [shaking her hand because yes] Janis: [pulling him in the direction they need to go like let's get inside then] Jimmy: [get to that pub lads it's been a day for you] Janis: [first pint first pub baby] Jimmy: [you'll be downing that cos it's very much needed] Janis: [adjusting his ears when you sit down] Jimmy: [lowkey has probably forgot he has those antlers on by now so it's like oh yeah] Janis: [lil lol 'knew you loved Rudolph' like okay stan] Jimmy: [a lil lol back and we're humming the song like that's a banger] Janis: [rolls her eyes but affectionately] Jimmy: [draws whatever today's doodle is on a beer mat and then chucks it at her because #mood I like to think it's reindeer and ๐ณ related because duh] Janis: [just looking at it and smiling 'cos love it, do your socials gal] Jimmy: ['meant to be your night off' affectionately too like oh what are you like and pretending we're gonna chuck our phone in our pint glass but we obvs don't] Janis: [shrugs but not in a dismissive way as of earlier just like, may as well 'more #goals than a shit party'] Jimmy: [a noise like yeah that's not hard and draws the JJ love heart on the table like see, so's that] Janis: [handing him your keys like carve it so it's real, dickhead] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [snaps galore hun] Jimmy: [a look like are you gonna come here now] Janis: [likewise, does] Jimmy: [a really good kiss because what a day we've had] Janis: [get into it kids it's deserved] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [obviously we're getting on his lap, 'scuse us pub patrons leave it out of it, I did realise that you're in a jumpsuit so I've really limited how saucy you can be, hohaha what a cockblock, also heaven help you when you're pissed and need all the wees gal] Jimmy: [you gotta gal and he's likewise gotta make a sound because always, it's not for you pub peeps you shh, I had that same thought about the outfit being like oh no she'll be cold having to strip every time she wants to pee, they are so annoying] Janis: [we know it's v mutual, you do need to get a room tbh but at least wait a couple of pubs tah, and they truly are lmao, soz to do you like that but we're making a point with our 'fit here] Jimmy: [we'll let the tension build to an unbearable point and get a few more pints in you as we always do LOL] Janis: ['you're so-' between kisses 'cos always] Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her so he doesn't have to stop kissing to say it and going over and over the word like when he was carving the table because the most emphasis needed] Janis: [the reaction, you're welcome boy] Jimmy: [we know any reaction from her gets as good of a one back from him so you're both welcome] Janis: [these random old men and the show they're getting, soz not soz, just saying 'you' back and forth now] Jimmy: [thank god you're both 1. shameless 2. it's a pub crawl so we don't have to stay here all night 3. you don't have to go back if you don't want to because we're far too #into this] Janis: [we don't care lbr, unless any of y'all are gonna get creepy but don't need to right now] Jimmy: [cockblocked by her outfit and literally nothing else rn] Janis: [not at all frustrating, go get a second drink after a fashion] Jimmy: [doing the MOST so it's not frustrating but that's only more frustrating, oh the struggle] Janis: [clearly getting a stronger drink, like shots, to accompany the pint, that should be the minimum aim of each pub] Jimmy: [love that for you both, get wrecked before church kids] Janis: [oh lawdy shit nan is gonna be fuming, drag you in front of the congregation lolllllllll] Jimmy: [amazing] Janis: [lucky that's what we're going for and she won't for the SHAME of it all but she will be PISSED hence the new years eve dramaaaa] Jimmy: [it's a time for fucking over shitty family members and it all connects honey] Janis: [like these children need more of me and Jesus in their life hello, oh god, anyway, do these shot shot shots] Jimmy: [body shots also cockblocked by the outfit sadly but that's okay these old dudes don't need any more of a show] Janis: [yeah god damn you for wearing clothes for once guys] Jimmy: [when you live together you'll never have to and life will be glorious, hold on lads] Janis: [my boos favourite thing lol] Jimmy: [but for now drink your juice shelby] Janis: ['what did you ask santa for?' 'cos Bobby and Libi had the whole convo] Jimmy: ['to take the dog away in that sack' soz Twix 'you?'] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you 'a date, obviously' and a big sigh like we know how that went] Jimmy: [๐ mime] Janis: ['exactly' like you understand my pain, there's probably so many santa hats in here rn, dramatic shudder like the mems] Jimmy: [does some there there pats even if we have to reach idk how you're sitting now] Janis: ['there's always his elf mates' in a #gals impression 'cos very them idea] Jimmy: [never not gonna do a dramatic shudder of his own at the accuracy of that impression and then checking his phone like have they been summoned] Janis: [assumedly were all at the same party but mia and ella] Jimmy: [while he's on his phone checking in with Cass about the Bobby situation like is he still asleep and how much of a dick is Ian being] Janis: [just chill and check out what everyone else is up to 'cos you can be smug about how lame everything would be in comparison] Jimmy: [I do get why everyone is obsessed with y'all aside from the obvious of how you look cos you do make everything look fun and you always are having it] Janis: [being a teenager is just being really bored a lot of the time 'cos you can't do anything and you don't wanna be with your fam, that's the tea of it, so when you actually find someone you vibe with and have fun with, yeah, a mood] Jimmy: [mhmm, anyway get to pub 2 hens, you can ๐ฌ on the way cos I doubt they're next door to each other] Janis: [like I imagine there's lots of pubs but not like a street vibe where it's one after the other so do some walking deffo] Jimmy: [I vibe that because there always seems to be out in the country and it's lowkey like how do you all survive but okay] Janis: [drink driving is what people do but shh] Jimmy: [we know y'all will at some point even though you shouldn't] Janis: [remember when and everyone was mad, esp. Tess and she wasn't allowed to stay there lowkey] Jimmy: [we definitely need to bring that back because yes] Janis: [it seems more dramatic now for some reason, probably the Libi of it all?] Jimmy: [I was just about to say, because yeah it's 1100000000% that Libi exists and she's the one member of this fam that Janis fucks with rn] Janis: [bit rude to lowkey keep them apart even though we know it wouldn't be intentional but if you gonna be reckless gal] Jimmy: [we know where Tess be coming from but also where you're coming from JJ] Janis: [will be bringing that back, for sure, but let's not tonight, there's enough drama] Jimmy: [yeah there's loads of cool stuff we've done that we should bring back because I also remember another time she ran away and Jimmy and Cass went on a lil roadtrip to pick her up that was really good too] Janis: [oh I'd forgotten about that but yes, 100%, lots of stuff to consider] Jimmy: [anyways carve the JJ heart on a table in pub 2 boy because we're doing it in every one] Janis: [you simply must, #proof of this night, ty ty, saying this place is trying to do something and getting a Christmassy cocktail, why not mix your drinks lol] Jimmy: [they would and this pub would, I love that, they don't have to be good we know you'll accept the challenge and drink them regardless] Janis: [something spiced and gross down it tbh] Jimmy: [honestly it's probably milky or eggnoggy and NO THANK YOU] Janis: [eww, just like DON'T COME NEAR ME 'cos it was that gross] Jimmy: [but that ensures that he will come after you in a playful manner, probably tickling you or something, don't be sick either of you] Janis: [as if we didn't know, casual playfight of course but don't break anything ty] Jimmy: [this pub should have big jengas because they think they're doing something so you can knock someone's tower over] Janis: [dramaaaa the huns and hispters gonna be fuming at you 2] Jimmy: [but you can play if you want cos we know you're competitive] Janis: [you should, he could get 'injured' boy but not really really just in a funny way 'cos big jenga is lowkey lethal lol] Jimmy: [yeah because then she can have a turn dramatically nursing him for the lols, little do you both know he's gonna get hurt for real #foreshadowing and also they should write inspirational boss bitch huns quotes on the jenga pieces because we know he has a pen] Janis: [role reversal mood, even though that's rude, poor Jimothy, yes, make him sit with his feet up for the moment and get busy with the bants] Jimmy: [get a less disgusting drink and live your best lives for a bit] Janis: [I think you should get kicked out of the next one so yes] Jimmy: [oooooh what a mood] Janis: [as you are literally just 15 so it's not unreasonable to say some pubs and peeps clock it lol] Jimmy: [plus you're never on your best behaviour or subtle in any way lol] Janis: [exactly so you only have to piss off one person who's had it] Jimmy: [so easily done haha] Janis: [and you can exact some revenge fun so yah] Jimmy: [love that for you so much] Janis: [if we're doing 12 pubs like in Hazel's book, plenty of moods to go still] Jimmy: [definitely should and yeah we're talking about the 3rd being the one you get kicked out of so loads left] Jimmy: [you gotta hook up in the toilets of one obviously] Janis: [naturally, you're gonna need to at least mid point lol, maybe Pete could be in one with his mates n gf and you can have a little bro bonding moment that'd be cute] Janis: [karaoke obviously happens in one, probably the last though when we're drunk enough] Jimmy: [OMG yay I love Pete and you we have to start this lifelong bromance somewhere so yes that makes so much sense and I agree that karaoke is a nice way to end it because church will be a v different vibe]] Janis: [some carols are bangers but yes, on the whole haha] Jimmy: [gotta steal something either during this pub crawl or from church or both because that's your thing that you two do] Janis: [#mems so sneaky feelsy love that for you two, hmm is there anything else we can think of that we'd like to make a thing or] Jimmy: [there should be a dog at one of these pubs just chilling because that's also a you two thing] Janis: [so many pics of her with dogs in pubs, seriously lmao, so yeah] Jimmy: [sadly not in that outfit I'm sure] Janis: [we'll see if I can work something] Janis: [one should be truly bumping, like more than the others, so they can lose each other for a hot sec, you should probably both realistically get hit on some] Jimmy: [it is christmas eve it's plausible that at least some of these pubs would be packed] Janis: [it is a ting, and esp. in Ireland not to be stereotypical but it's true] Jimmy: [I hope you're not getting flirted with by any old creepy dudes gal] Janis: [simply the worst, why must they, drunk dudes of any age, god, like you can handle yourself but we're still not thrilled about it obvs, also drunk ladies tbf Jimothy, like gobby shrieky mums put him down] Jimmy: [sends her a picture of him with an ugly coloured lipstick mark on his cheek like sos] Janis: where are you Jimmy: where are you? Janis: I was near the bar, now I'm stuck behind this group of #ladsladslads from the โฝ๐๐๐พ shop over the road Janis: who the fuck did that to you? Jimmy: some Sharon, still waiting for my โฝ๐๐๐พ๐คด Janis: what the fuck Janis: hang on Jimmy: look for a circle of middle aged lasses, that'll be me in the middle Janis: what are they using you like a handbag/pole for Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: hormones? Janis: didn't think the #mommyissues went both way, dirty bitches ๐คข Jimmy: dead giveaway that you've never worked in retail Jimmy: shameless all these Sharons and Karens Janis: dead giveaway they're not having lesbian midlife crises thank fuck Jimmy: ain't ๐ you yet, Judith Janis: I'm working on it, promise Jimmy: give 'em the smack I ain't allowed to Janis: I'm gonna Janis: ๐ฅ for a ๐ Jimmy: alright, a ๐ off me for every ๐ฅ sounds fair an' all Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you'll have to keep count for us Janis: [come find your man and rescue him from these thirsty laydeez, we will fight you hens, but deffo giving the ugly lipstick one a slap] Jimmy: [๐ that aren't a pisstake and obvs kissing her like he said he would] Janis: [we're actually so mad at these gals no lie, walk awayayay before it becomes too much of a thing, at least you can because that kiss would bring you back down slightly] Jimmy: [just asking her if there's any lads he needs to fight before they properly leave which you know is more cos he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her than anything else, we know the bae can handle herself] Janis: [shakes her head but this is 'cos she don't want to lose him again and we're just holding him like nope, stay with me] Jimmy: [a snuggle moment like I'm not going anywhere without you because it's not just because of being flirted with that we didn't like being away from her and we all know it] Janis: [just being couple goals showing these flirters right up, gently rubbing this lippy off him like no no] Jimmy: [putting the antlers on her like this is my bae thank you, everyone else back off, and for the shameless excuse to play with her hair always] Janis: [just pulling the nerdiest face 'not quite jail cell peril but-' like who's ride or die now, zoey doey] Jimmy: [a lol because that deer was honestly the most ride or die ever 'not yet' as if he's correcting her with a * and they're gonna be going full bonnie and clyde as the night goes on] Janis: [just pretending we're well offended like oi, how dare you but we're ๐ like oh really #intrigued too] Jimmy: [just writing a list of potential illegal acts on her with our fingertip as if it's a real list like remember these for later please] Janis: [trying to keep up but obviously not getting all that just like ???] Jimmy: [whisper them instead boy because we're still being couple goals here] Janis: [just add your own have a nice saucy back and forth here] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [I'm trying to think of a lowkey way to fuck with these women, like pouring a drink in their unattended handbags? gotta be sneaky guys] Jimmy: [ooh good idea, can't go too hard with it, it'd have to be something like that or like emptying it out and leaving their shit everywhere] Janis: [clearly gonna be too hype when you get to this one and you're not getting in] Jimmy: [not in the mood to be turned away, we're on a mission here] Janis: [raging in this car park like how dare] Jimmy: [๐ฌ because likewise and also ๐ณ like how dare you know I am but a child] Janis: [oh boy, just like 'you cold?' 'cos dem cheeks] Jimmy: [takes the antlers back like it's my reindeer vibe] Janis: [fixes her hair like UGH so rude 'probably why they turned us away'] Jimmy: [๐ af like don't blame me thank you] Janis: [nudging him with your foot like come on 'there's other pubs'] Jimmy: ['Direct me then' like let's go gal] Janis: [putting your hand out like stop for a sec though 'don't you wanna do something about it?' and not at all shamelessly going into his pocket whilst maintaining eye contact and getting out the marker and going over to a car and drawing a reindeer face on the windscreen 1. it'll come off easy so no harm truly done but 2. the pub peeps could clock it was them and know they've been got back, gesturing like come do some boy] Jimmy: [he's gonna draw a ghost with a santa hat because don't need any encouragement] Janis: [just do all the cars in this car park without getting caught, obvs gonna finish with a JJ heart 'cos duh] Jimmy: [just doing a little hand squeeze like thanks for that when you take the pen back to put it away because you feel better now] Janis: [shrugs like nbd but doing a little smile 'you wanna appease the fans whilst we're here too?'] Jimmy: [a nod like it's likewise nbd but the eye contact is not at all casual] Janis: [likewise getting on the bonnet of the JJ heart car like that's nothing and just looking at him like, you know what to do, #goals photo moment] Jimmy: [taking loads of pictures of her looking hot af before joining her to go in on any lovebites he thinks needs to look more extra for midnight mass #flimsyexcusesforever] Janis: [don't go in too hard and set the alarm off by which I mean do 'cos it's funny and also a cockblock to run] Jimmy: [interrupt this dry humping sesh before you get even more frustrated than you already are by this outfit] Janis: [mistakes were made lmao] Jimmy: [you'll both live] Janis: [you can hook up in #4 if I've kept count right lol] Jimmy: [soz not soz to that pub for how loud he's gonna be] Janis: [I hope you're not a tiny establishment 'cos lol even on a busy night that'd be heard, oh guys] Jimmy: [if you weren't shameless Jimothy we'd have some real problems] Janis: [we all know you are but you gotta have your drinks as well can't keep getting kicked] Jimmy: [yeah maybe don't hook up til you're about to leave here guys LOL] Janis: [got to order before you use the facilities xoxo] Jimmy: [and you pair are exactly why] Janis: [mhmm honey, maybe there will be a Christmas quiz or tombola or something at one of these pubs you can crash] Jimmy: [so festive but also believably shit, love that] Janis: [win some kind of prize ty ty] Jimmy: [you gotta and you're not having it shit nan cos we're not pleased to meet you hun] Janis: [even though it's probably something a nan would want 'cos isn't it always god bless] Jimmy: [give it to Tess cos she's not that kind of nan so that'll be funny] Janis: [not that you have to endure mass thank god] Jimmy: [challenge of keeping hold of whatever this is for the rest of the night and not losing it] Janis: [truly, probably some kind of bath set or shit biscuit tin] Jimmy: [don't eat the biscuits Jimmy you fat bastard] Janis: [gives you a half-eaten tin of biscuits, Tess fuming] Jimmy: [it's the thought that counts, nan] Janis: [such a ๐ boy lollllllll] Janis: [do you want to skip to having to go to mass?] Jimmy: [we totally can because we've thought of a lot of shit for this pub crawl honestly] Janis: [we have, very much a vibe was had, now you've got to show up to this church and we're just dreading this entire thing, it'll probably be a fair walk and we're just silent] Jimmy: [handholding cos we know she's dreading it and we're a team here] Janis: [god knows Junie isn't gonna be there 'cos the Venus sitch was this year so it's just ruster fam and you and grace so fun] Jimmy: [ugh what an anti-mood this will be, so glad you've had loads of drinks to help you through it guys] Janis: [billie simply not invited even though drew and meena would have to be there #rude oh what a mess, good thing we're dedicated to making a scene] Jimmy: [not that she would go but that's very rude, though it is a relief for us that paralysed sister secret isn't being outed as well since Libi already spilt the Edie tea] Janis: [drew might actually be in prison, but astrid and ro can come through, a joy, I'm sure lmao, we don't wanna get into ANY of this, god shit nan is gonna be so embarrassing over Jimmy 'cos she's a hoe for a boy, any boy lmao] Jimmy: [another reason for shit nan to shade Grace because she's never brought a boy to mass as if Janis isn't there deliberately doing everything wrong, okay bitch] Janis: [literally like where's ya boyfriend, shh shit nan so rude, it's okay she'd shade Meena for not forcing the kids and Tommy to come, as if these kids were raised remotely Christian] Jimmy: [they are hindus babe get on board, shading everyone's outfits as well obvs regardless of how inoffensive they are] Janis: [wearing the biggest most extra hat in the world like pop off, she's like a cartoon she's so ridiculous, probably gonna cry dramatically over her sons not being here for Christmas what a performance] Jimmy: [seriously it's as funny as it is awful] Janis: [we wouldn't blame you for being amused Jimothy, like we would be but not like we're on your side shit nan just like wtf woman] Jimmy: [he'll be too busy trying not to die because of the incense getting him but I'm sure we'll find parts of it amusing to look back on] Janis: [it's apparently gross I've never been to a Catholic ting so can't fully say but I know they waft it about in that swingy thing, you also bless yourself with holy water when you come in the door so there's that] Jimmy: [he will flick holy water at you bae] Janis: [pretending we're melting because we don't care #churchbants] Jimmy: [now is the perfect time for one of your dramatic death scenes, boy, everyone's just horrified] Janis: [just so ๐ as we pick him up off the floor lmao, tryna make sure he's sat nowhere near Rio, even though she's probably trying to be polite and introduce herself and the gang we're like good day] Jimmy: [sit next to Grace jimothy, she won't talk to you excessively and you already know she's embarrassing] Janis: [shit nan gon' be too busy being a busybody so that's something] Jimmy: [will put his head on the bae's shoulder like we do whenever we're bored by a flatwhite function before church has even started as much for the shade as a variation on the feelsy lean like I'm here for you gal] Janis: [at least you can text under your pamphlets 'cos rude and is the goal, as well as the rest, but leaning into this lean too and writing 'soz' on his arm] Jimmy: [and you have signing for shading people now and later because none of y'all would know any, putting a line through where she wrote her sorry like no you don't need to be] Janis: [a look like, it ain't over yet] Jimmy: [a look like I can handle it] Janis: [๐ like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [is sneezing already though probably how adorable] Jimmy: ๐ coming out Jimmy: bit awkward Janis: [loling] Janis: it's grim, ain't it Janis: jesus was a stoner, who knew Jimmy: worse even than โ Jimmy: ๐ค jesus won't @ my manager Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna wipe his nose on her jacket cos I vaguely remember a furry one with her lewk] Janis: you don't need MORE competition, like Janis: [yeah, it's probably graces so you can be offended gal like 'scuse me] Jimmy: imagine the tips that dickhead would get Jimmy: SO on brand for them, him Janis: gonna put a help wanted ad in the collection plate for him Jimmy: don't how famous your dad is mate, fill in an application like every fucker else, tah Janis: that's his whole thing, sickening, tbh Jimmy: and OBVS every time he name drops it'll make the lasses frothier than their โ but still Jimmy: what's your CV without the miracles? Janis: you should be happy, not jealous Jimmy: can't be a slag for tips if nobody's bothered Jimmy: is he gonna feed me ๐ฅ and ๐ or what? Janis: have to come back to find that out Janis: (spoiler alert, yeah, some ๐ท too) Janis: just covering his miraculous birth tonight, like Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: [is gonna carve the JJ love heart into this pew, look away shit nan your heart won't take it] Janis: [we're about it though obvs] Jimmy: You going home after this? Janis: where else? Jimmy: where else do you want to? Jimmy: already nicked one car, can make it 2, easy Janis: oh right Janis: we have to get you home Janis: [mad on the low like this part of the plan escaped us how] Jimmy: can't ๐ Ian for a lift, might do though so he realises his car's gone Jimmy: but you're alright, I'll chuck doll jesus out of his straw bed Janis: we'll work it out Janis: not that an actual lift from any of this lot sounds like a right laugh but Janis: [shrugs like they obvs would] Jimmy: I'll just shout about that I need somewhere to๐ด some dickhead'll put me up in a barn Jimmy: nowt more festive than that Janis: if only you were a knocked up teen Jimmy: ๐ fucked over by being a straight white lad YET AGAIN Janis: tell my nan about it and she'd adopt you Janis: it's not that far to yours Janis: got vehicles you wouldn't have to steal, technically Jimmy: not having her round the other 2 unless healing hands actually work Jimmy: happily have her car though Janis: [looks around at the fam like does it look like it works] Janis: ๐ Jimmy: [we loling not soz to the hot priest] Janis: [shushing him in an even more obvious way as is the point like omg babe] Jimmy: [being like soz and making it even more of a thing as is also the point] Janis: [shit nan already in a mood 'cos there's 2 small children here and we know what that's like whenever you're meant to be quiet, at least she can pretend that's cute] Janis: tomorrow is gonna be so shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: least you can actually join in with the shit Bobby wanted Janis: that'll be alright Jimmy: he'll wanna compare ๐ with his new best mate, get her ๐ Janis: baby ๐ Janis: you can let him Janis: she'll be gutted about the lack of attention she's getting as it's princesses' first xmas Janis: [side eyes baby venus] Jimmy: what are you and her doing the day after? Jimmy: might be a good shout to get them together Janis: I'll ask but it's usually more of the same, so fuck all Janis: with leftovers Jimmy: sounds about right Janis: they'd love it Jimmy: ๐ there weren't any reindeer in your fields I could nick an' all Jimmy: he's obsessed now Janis: soz about that Janis: we've got some donkeys but that's not very ๐ Janis: if they'd have spiced up the nativity he might be bothered but as it stands Jimmy: I'll do one out of snow when I get back Janis: alright, michaelangelo Jimmy: [nods at the heart he's carved into this pew like you weren't taking the piss then] Janis: you're my favourite artist Janis: SUCH a compliment Jimmy: [giving her OTT ๐ to hide that we're embarrassed by said compliment] Jimmy: all down to the muse, that Janis: I probably will be taking the blame for that so why not the glory too Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: ๐ฅ Janis: you can come back with me for a bit Janis: for drinks and shit Janis: sadly, shit nan does not attend ๐ Janis: but there'll be loads of other fuckers, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to Janis: she'll make sure EVERYONE knows Jimmy: I said alright Janis: ALRIGHT Jimmy: [IRL ๐คซ without making the shh sound] Janis: [mouthing 'make me' in a way definitely a few people are gonna clock] Jimmy: [A LOOK like I'd rather make you do the opposite] Janis: [you know what hit me like kinda obvious but also hasn't been stated so] Janis: [shit nan is probably HERE for this, aside from when they're pissing about rn, she'd be like oh you dressed like a girl for once and brought a boy you aren't related to, like accidental fail 'cos shit nan has weird priorities l o l] Jimmy: [OG supporter and spreader of those gay rumours like not another one on my watch honey] Janis: [just banging on about how they never bring boys around like yeah this is why but also mind yo business, she's so extra, and she'd just think jimothy was shy and be like aww] Jimmy: [when you antisocial but people think you shy, their future daughter can relate] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: is the incense making you feel ๐ต? Jimmy: If I say it is can we piss off? Jimmy: [because yes but we don't wanna admit it because we're so tough okay] Janis: is what I was getting at Janis: ['cos we're done with this and leaving early is the only sure-fire way to annoy shit nan at this point plus what a LOOK, so grabbing his hand like he's about to vom like 'SCUSE US WE GOTTA GO RN] Jimmy: hang on then, I'll have another crack at it Jimmy: *SO ๐ต๐ต๐ต me Jimmy: have a word Jimmy: [and we're out of here, bye but we're not actually saying bye fam] Janis: [actually making him get some fresh air before we start smoking or anything of the sort] Jimmy: [allowing it because it did actually get him] Janis: [cold air sobering in all the ways it's needed right now] Jimmy: [mhmm] Jimmy: [asking her if she's okay by writing it on her with a ? when we could just ask because we're outside now] Janis: [shrugs 'used to it' we talking 'bout the smoke or everything else hen] Jimmy: [offering her a ๐ฌ or the pen or keys like choose your weapon for killing yourself with] Janis: ['too obvious if her car gets keyed' and takes a ๐ฌ but makes a big deal out of getting far away from him like you're so sensitive] Jimmy: [throws some snow at her like if you're gonna be rude so will I] Janis: [tipsy snowball fight realness] Jimmy: [gonna do snow angels because where better than outside church RIP to Grace's jacket if she joins in lol] Janis: [obviously we are, excuse us] Jimmy: [get art hoey and make them look like JJ boy] Janis: [that's a mood] Jimmy: [lots of hair for her and sunglasses and grumpy face for you, we know the vibe] Janis: ['thanks, by the way'] Jimmy: [a shrug like don't worry about it] Janis: [having to look at him to look like, seriously, I know they're all extra and that was a lot] Jimmy: [when you were gonna touch her face/move her hair out of it in a romantic way like seriously it's okay but your hands are freezing from doing the snow angel details so it's like ! oh no soz] Janis: [move them down so they're around your waist under this furry coat like warm them up boy but usually that'd be skin to skin contact so you're gutted 'stupid, fucking jumpsuit'] Jimmy: [holding on tight anyway and pulling her closer to you because always but eventually letting go for long enough to put your lighter in her hand ย 'for in a bit' like you can set this on fire later babe that'll cheer you] Janis: [just looking at it like it's a ring in a box 'this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me' love joking but double meaning means lowkey not really] Jimmy: [looking at it and getting the key out like can I engrave something onto this would it work because we can always be more romantic] Janis: [I'm dying 'cos the actual gift she got you for xmas is literally very related to this so that's swagger] Jimmy: [cackling that we both had the Shakespearian rose idea and also because my idea for what he gives her that I obvs can't do because I'd never find anything like it is a swag copy of romeo and juliet you know when they have nice covers and he's like doodled inside and crossed lines out to rewrite them and like written a sonnet etc and then like at some bit of the play they don't fuck with probably the beginning when Romeo is a hoe like carving a space out which she could fit said lighter in but obvs he didn't have that specifically in mind he was just like lol a secret hiding place cos remember how easy they found Ella's diary] Janis: [I'm dying that's such a mood, like okay, pretending we aren't even friends or something LOL] Jimmy: [gonna say that there is also some Bobby doodles in there too because yolo we a squad now and if he'd had chance to get Libi to add to it he would've but sadly there was no way] Janis: [simply dying, if only you could spend tomorrow with each other alas gotta entertain the fam literally this one day a year] Jimmy: [I'm so happy you're gonna see each other though even though you don't know yet] Janis: [like the lowkey shock you're gonna have to hide rn so you don't spoil the surprise for him tomorrow, ugh, your minds, our minds] Jimmy: [at least he'd be concentrating on carving this rose with a literal key trying to make sure it doesn't look like a blob so that'll help you gal] Janis: [oscar-worthy performance lol] Jimmy: [and you can just kiss him if all else fails] Janis: [also I think this midnight mass should've been 11-12 so when they hear the finale going on inside they know it's xmas, v cinematic] Jimmy: [yasss I support that, obvs say merry christmas to her boy even though you're forlorn at the prospect of and dreading it] Janis: [practically loling at the prospect 'cos likewise but kissing him back] Jimmy: [have your moment kids before everyone comes out of this church] Janis: [clearly wanna fuck off before any of the fam can see you like byeee] Jimmy: [escape lads] Janis: [or lifts will be offered and lord knows you don't want that, you wanna be alone and cute] Jimmy: [we all know you should go home now and get some sleep before Bobby wakes up ridiculously early but we all know you won't and the reasons why] Janis: [at least it's a very ali/fam in general vibe that there's drinks and party food going on so you can and it doesn't look like what it clearly is] Jimmy: [enjoy your walk back there alone before you have to deal with peeps again] Janis: [at least it doesn't need to be literally everyone, and a fair amount of you have kids you'd need to be home for, too bad Libi is probably asleep even if she tried really hard lol] Jimmy: [she could wake up when she hears everyone if we want that lil mvp in our lives] Janis: [just peeping down the stairs tryna be sneaky then she sees Jimmy and is like MY BFFS ARE HERE 'cos thinks they come as a duo at all times obvs] Jimmy: [she's not wrong about it and he will pick you up and spin you round lil queen cos we stan] Janis: [we love that, directing him to the tree like BUT ๐ HAS ๐ HE ๐ BEEN ๐ and deffo not babe the adults are still getting pissed but god bless you] Jimmy: [but jj should give her something they've picked up over the course of this wild night like there you go bab] Janis: [we're thrilled, also like is your dog asleep, my dog's asleep 'cos Killer cannot come to this cat castle sadly but she's got Star under her arm like hey] Jimmy: [telling her that Twix, Bobby and Snow are all asleep but also telling her she can record a voice memo for them if she wants so they'll get in when they wake up] Janis: [probably screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS such is our excitement then being like I hope you got xyz from his list that she's managed to remember well done bab then being like I'm up SOOOO late little brag like imma catch Santa and see if this one knows signing and has a real beard] Jimmy: [Jimothy is gonna teach you some more signing bab cos lbr the only other person he wants to talk to here is Janis so we're chuffed you're here] Janis: [at least mcvickers are not so strict they're gonna march you back to bed right away, you may as well stay up a bit now you are so you don't wake everyone at the crack of dawn like I did lol] Jimmy: [and like Bobby will do, there's gonna be no point Jimothy going to bed lol] Janis: [honestly, all nighter it is, at least once the meal is over and the drama you can be back together huns don't worry, also lol @ mcvickers being like oh you again 'cos when Libi ran in lmao] Jimmy: [Tess has her eye on you boy but she'd be secretly thrilled to see how good you are with Libi, not in a cringey shit nan way but just] Janis: [you're clearly not a total fuckboy of a teenage lad, we can be lowkey happy about that always lol, meanwhile just securing the good scran for us right now whilst Libi probably talks Jimmy through every dec and they're probably mostly homemade by the kids so like enjoy that] Jimmy: [Poor Grace is probably crying and angsting in her room about whatever shit nan said and did to her so there'll be enough food for you boy] Janis: [honestly poor Grace like we just made it worse for you accidentally, shit nan stirring the pot always] Jimmy: [I like to think Ali is coming through for you because she knows exactly what shit nan is like] Janis: [we aren't the type to be too busy hosting or whatever to not notice when our kids are upset, thankfully] Jimmy: [she's a good mum and like Tess and Janis she always notices things so] Jimmy: [the question we need to ask ourselves is about Billie's whereabouts because if she's there then obvs Jimothy isn't gonna be like gimme the tea but like he will know now] Janis: [she's gonna be about 18 so yes, she's almost definitely there, even if she was out earlier it's like late enough that she'd be back] Jimmy: [literally rolling up with whatever mates she was out with like LOL how was church everyone because we all hate shit nan in this house] Janis: [Janis really going in on how shit she was to everyone and doing an impression which we're clearly just great at tbh, also overplay how scared poor hot priest is] Jimmy: [she'd love it and you know she'd be commenting on Janis' outfit being like bet she was so down for you being dressed like that because she's been shaded herself for being dressed like a boy clearly] Janis: ['surprised she didn't have it off me to borrow' like who does shit nan think she is honestly, kind of iconic but not, also shading Ro 'cos we all love to do that in this household too, especially after the Rio ting even Ali ain't gonna stop you] Jimmy: [Billie do HATE Ro because she loves Astrid and we know she's not doing the best for that bub so obvs asking how she was because bringing her to church when she's autistic af and you can't deal with her anywhere is never gonna be the one tbh] Janis: ['lucky she had her wrapped up tight enough she could hide in her scarf' 'cos the smells, the sounds, the sights, TOO MUCH 'she liked the nativity scene though' hot priest being cool and letting her play in it 'cos lord knows Ro doesn't have the strength to control her literal it's so dangerous] Jimmy: [Billie do be fuming because you know full well that Ro wouldn't let her look after her as if she's incapable when POT KETTLE] Janis: [mhmm, rosaline, get in your own wheelchair you're at death's door you cow, just shrugging like I know and telling her about Meena 'cos always coming for her life as well shit nan like 'you could've at least brought Thomas and his REAL children' like you'll leave the adopted ones at home OKAY HUN] Jimmy: [Billie LIVID because she's not Ali's REAL child but she is though, fuck you shit nan, thank god Jimmy is busy with Libi cos he don't need all this tea in his life yet] Janis: [also the hypocrisy 'cos Drew and Meena aren't your real children either but are when it suits you silly woman, honestly, lowkey then just hoping Billie will get distracted and not wanna be introduced to him lmao, like who's dis, idk, bring him his food and Libi the bits you've sneakily brought her 'cos you're meant to be ready for bed not nomming again] Jimmy: [luckily she'd be drunk-ish and have brought friends so easy to distract because we don't need to do that rn gal, so much has already happened this holiday season] Janis: [seems lowkey shady on both your behalfs like am I not good enough to be intro'd but we're not trying to be like and here's this person and that person and make it too #real] Jimmy: [this party has a chill vibe and she's a chill person she's not gonna pull a Rio and be like MUST INTRODUCE SELF we all know Janis has never brought a lad back before and we're not trying to embarrass her] Janis: [exactly, it's already happened once, almost as a point like YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME JANIS lmao, just telling Libi to go get the kennel they made Snow out of a cereal box or something to show Jimmy so she'll actually leave him be for a hot sec, squeezing his hand like alright?] Jimmy: [just smiling at her because actually has had a nice time with Libi even though it would have made him feel bad for not being at home with Bobby rn and leaving him earlier, like boy it's okay he's a sleep but he always feels guilty regardless] Janis: [#mumguilt because we're raising our brother, so rude, just smiling back like thank god this isn't going as bad 'wanna show off how crafty I am too, obvs' in reference to this kennel like such an #arthoe] Jimmy: [waves a picture of that sheep costume on his phone at her like girl I know] Janis: [๐ and stroking the lighter than is in our hand 'cos obvs taken the jacket off and there's no way there's pockets on that thing lol] Jimmy: [pulling her chair as close to his chair as he can because we just always wanna be closer to her all the time and something falling off her plate when he do so we're keeping that for Star to eat when Libi gets back as if she's a real dog] Janis: [๐ณ that we can pretend is just from coming inside to the warm] Jimmy: [also taking whatever fell off her plate and she lost off his so she can have it but why give it to her normally when you can feed it to her/put it in her mouth because you're that bitch] Janis: [just LOOKING at him like, there has not been enough alone time today remotely] Jimmy: [obvs LOOKING back but before he can suggest they go get her out of that outfit Libi is back so we gonna look at this kennel and feed Star and that whole thing] Janis: [gotta do some parenting, cockblocked, at least you'll be getting sleepy and made to go back to bed soon enough hun you ain't partying the whole night away] Jimmy: [they can be the ones to take her though cos then they'll be upstairs already and won't have far to go to her room to finally be alone for a bit] Janis: [and you are that bitch, like no no, I want THEM to do it #princesslife sure you have some story that you can be read either about Christmas or dogs] Jimmy: [if not they'll make one up for you, Jimothy is 10000% that bitch] Janis: [Star and Snow going on an epic adventure, love that for them] Jimmy: [I hope you remember it so you can tell it to Bobby tomorrow night or whenever] Janis: [do your best, drunk babes] Jimmy: [you're not totally wasted like you were when partying, you should remember most of this stuff] Jimmy: [especially the joy when that jumpsuit finally comes off for good] Janis: [yeah, no excuse of being blasted this time] Janis: [it's also glittery, so that's scratchy, simply not a vibe apart from the lewk of, you can break it if you want guys] Jimmy: [that's a saucy mood] Janis: [you have form and you're both frustrated af by now] Jimmy: [fun as hooking up in that pub toilet would have been, that would feel like forever ago and it's not the same vibe as when you can take your time and be as extra as you want] Janis: [should also note hi to her house and bedroom this convo, not that we're taking it in but just for reference later] Jimmy: [yeah he's very preoccupied rn and there has been a lot of peeps and stuff going on but you can't not notice Ali's vibe and all the cats and the contrast between that and her bare as hell room will be jarring when you realise] Janis: [pretend we do not see, more important things to do rn lads] Jimmy: [we're very in love tonight and it cannot be overstated how much of a cockblock that outfit was when the bae always be giving you so much skin to work with usually] Janis: [not your usual at all, we're all mad about it and making up for it now, excuse us] Jimmy: [enjoy that lads, we know you will] Janis: [soz to the people upstairs, aka Grace, put your headphones in gal] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali has gone so we can say she has] Janis: [or she will if you two start, don't need that in any of our lives lol] Jimmy: [Grace is having a shit enough night without hearing you two] Janis: [when you know he lowkey has to leave now and you don't want him to] Jimmy: [and he knows and doesn't wanna leave either so it's like let's just keep kissing forever and prolong this and pretend I don't] Janis: ['how hard do you think your dad is gonna flip shit?' when we're lowkey worried but doing the most to sound like we ain't and we're just curious here] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we know exactly but we're not gonna answer honestly and the point is it's supposed to be nbd and we don't care but also then doing a ๐ค and an impression of Bobby's impression of angry Ian because Ian flipping out is what we wanted and we obvs hope it's enough for us to go back up north] Janis: ['his was better' and patting his shoulders like there there 'christmas miracle, I guess' and crosses her fingers back, getting up to find clothes to throw on] Jimmy: ['should've done the sound effects' cos obvs Bobby doesn't on his cos can't hear Ian shouting and is mute, chucking a pillow at her like oi cos we don't want her to get up because that means he has to leave soon and no] Janis: ['have to settle for second for now' and shrugs like oh well, and just looking back like 'scuse me when he throws the pillow] Jimmy: [just picking her up because he hasn't all night and chucking her back on this bed like 1. I won't accept second thank you and 2. come back] Janis: [just like oi and ๐ at him like what you want] Jimmy: [tucking her in like stay put gal] Janis: ['you've got to go' like he was the one getting ready] Jimmy: [dramatically flopping down next to her like I can't possibly I'm so comfortable] Janis: [pushing him like you're gonna pushing him out the bed but obviously don't] Jimmy: [push her back but again not hard] Janis: ['how are you getting back?' and folding our arms] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug] Janis: ['what's wrong?'] Jimmy: [when you're about to say nothing but that's such a lie that it feels pointless so you're just there like ๐ and then 'you said it' because she did when she said he had to go that's the entire issue here] Janis: [just silent for a while 'cos what can either of you do about that 'yeah'] Jimmy: [just getting ready to go because what else can you do boy] Janis: [getting up and stopping him like ! 'don't go' even though you know he's got to right now 'cos you're thinking about if the plan works and they go back to Manchester] Jimmy: [hugging her because you don't want to go and saying as much even though it's muffled and also obvious lol] Janis: ['it'll be more shit again when you do' from inside this hug] Jimmy: [hugging her tighter because true for you too] Janis: [breaking it apart like that's enough now] Jimmy: [dramatically kiss her before getting ready to go for a second time] Janis: [do you want him to walk/or does he want a lift? 'cos obvs she wouldn't make him go with whoever alone so that adds another bit if so] Jimmy: [he'll probably just walk even though it'll take ages because we're in no rush to get back] Jimmy: [unless she's like no get a lift you idiot and then he will because we're a pushover for the bae] Janis: [we'd know that's the vibe and thus wouldn't argue, like we might wanna go with but what is the point 'cos then he'll wanna walk you back and it'll be a farce lmao] Jimmy: [you can chat to him to make sure he's still alive if you want gal but you can't come with or you'll end up staying and the fam will be fuming] Janis: [*angrily comes to pick you up* got to be folorn and separate soz guys it won't be for long] Janis: don't turn into a โ Jimmy: use your head, girl, it'd save me building our kid's reindeer Janis: could Jack Frost your dad Janis: he melts away at the end, yeah? Jimmy: I dunno that one Janis: I think it's depressing so won't recc it for your Christmas day watch Jimmy: sounds like a top pick for us, that Janis: play with your dead dad for the winter then take him up a mountain when he starts to melt, still melts though Jimmy: I googled it, he's what they invented my ๐ emoji for Jimmy: rock star dickhead Janis: and he was batman Janis: you're so outshined Jimmy: ๐ญ๐๐ป Jimmy: piss off and fake marry him if you love him that bad, Jasmine Janis: question, if the harmonica was magic, could he see him every winter from then on Janis: and how many winters before the kid is like, let's just skip that whole charade this year Jimmy: depends how many bollocks sequels they were reckoning on doing when they wrote that bit Jimmy: how old were the kid? by the time he's 12 he'll be telling batdad to piss off Janis: I swear he was already that old Janis: one time deal and we accidentally break that harmonica Jimmy: gutted it ain't that easy to be rid of Ian Jimmy: but promise I'll melt when you're #overthis Jimmy: no need for a fake break up Janis: yeah right Janis: you're no Jack Jimmy: ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ Janis: ๐ญ๐๐ป is mutual Jimmy: will be when this is the last you see of me Janis: shut up Jimmy: if that's what you want your last words to me to be Janis: if you were freezing to death/getting murdered/a combo of the two, you wouldn't have the time to be pissing about in the ๐ฌ Jimmy: always have the time for you, baby Jimmy: fine with them being my last words Janis: an empty promise? Jimmy: there's nowt empty about it Janis: it's empty if you're fucking off and dying Janis: the โฒ running Jimmy: what 'cause ๐๐๐ is gonna separate us? Bill won't be having that Jimmy: ๐ป๐ Janis: he does write it Jimmy: and his writing were heavily โ which you know he's FUMING ABOUT Janis: heavily plagiarized, so I've heard Jimmy: ๐คซ he'll haunt you Janis: that's what he wants Jimmy: he might do but you don't need to be nicking my mates Janis: you've got a new one Jimmy: ? Janis: your barista buddy Janis: with the ๐ foliage Jimmy: piss off, he's not my mate Janis: alright Janis: boyfriend Jimmy: if I had him, I wouldn't need to fake date you Janis: 1. rude 2. we're all gutted he's taken don't take it out on me Jimmy: I don't fuck my co-workers, his missus or how ๐ any dickhead is don't come into it Janis: alright Janis: obviously a pisstake but well impressive how noble you are Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for being a ๐ cautionary tale Jimmy: if nowt else he's useless for what not to bother doing Jimmy: *useful [watch me write the literal opposite word to what I meant because I'm tired and you usually are useless sir] Janis: I don't think he'd mind a cheeky bum squeeze Jimmy: depends who off of Janis: not your dad, obvs Jimmy: ๐คข obvs dickhead Jimmy: your ๐ง is only on the 1 track at the minute Janis: I'm trying to keep you company dickhead Janis: you wanna talk about how cold and dark it is? Jimmy: why are them your options? Janis: I'm just talking Janis: why do you wanna talk about something specific or? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: what do you mean, it's simple Janis: you've either got something in mind or you ain't Jimmy: what's simpler than saying something if there were owt on my ๐ง Janis: you're known for that Jimmy: and you're known for being funny Janis: if 'piss off' is on your mind, hurry up and get it off the tip of your tongue Jimmy: What so you can put some more words there? You're alright Janis: I haven't said you said shit Jimmy: not THAT thick and you ain't that subtle Janis: ? Jimmy: just call me a mardy prick or owt else you reckon Jimmy: that's where this is going Janis: you're being weird, that's where this is Jimmy: it weren't me who brought up the mates or boyfriends I should have Janis: it was a joke, not going to say that again Janis: and I'm surrounded by both, aren't I? Janis: gonna open myself up for that easy shot Jimmy: no need to beg me to repeat how funny it were Jimmy: ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ Janis: forget it Janis: just tell me when you've got home Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: [literally a hot second later because Jimothy don't wanna leave it like this ever] Jimmy: fuck this, no Jimmy: I don't wanna just tell you when I'm back Janis: stop being a total arsehole then Janis: I know you don't wanna go home right now Jimmy: I'll leave it out Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: weird Janis: why? Jimmy: What do you mean why? You properly turned christmas eve round Jimmy: I'm used to it being shit but not this Jimmy: and it's doing my head in that I can't see you tomorrow Janis: we could Janis: still allowed ๐ฌ breaks, right? Janis: once the main events ๐๐ฆ are out the way Jimmy: bit far to come to nick all my ๐ฌ Janis: someone has to walk Killer Jimmy: alright Janis: if you want Jimmy: I said Jimmy: it's if you want Janis: I suggested it Jimmy: there you go then Janis: you're so awkward Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you just are Jimmy: if you ain't got any #receipts hun, don't come for me Janis: ๐ Janis: eurgh Jimmy: ๐
๐คท Janis: wonder how their xmas eve went Jimmy: ๐๐ probably started opening her ๐s at midnight Jimmy: still cracking on Jimmy: ๐๐ฐ๐ด๐๐๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ Janis: I'm SO jealous Jimmy: me an' all, obvs Jimmy: but she can keep the new ๐ฉ Janis: Christ Janis: I swear to GOD if my sister has got that baby a fucking puppy Jimmy: ๐ญ of the ๐๐๐ฐ Jimmy: ๐ช๐๐ฅ trainer, you Janis: I wouldn't if they paid double Jimmy: we'll @ Mia's daddy to negotiate the rates Janis: hot Janis: can't wait Jimmy: the ONLY christmas gift worth having, I get it Janis: Obviously Janis: the ๐ would finally off her Jimmy: ๐โ Janis: you can hit him up Janis: not calling dibs Jimmy: He's SO fit and mysterious I dunno which of us is more his type ๐คโโ Janis: you're thicker Janis: could be his secretary Jimmy: hang on, are you calling me fat or Asia? Janis: Honey, you're both ๐ Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: I'm tiktok Tammy Janis: You really are Janis: I know who I am, we don't need to say Jimmy: SO complimentary after midnight, you Janis: wow, Gremlin is a new low Janis: you're as rude as ever Jimmy: come on, you can be the cute ginger one Janis: you're the fattest one Jimmy: least you didn't say I were the dickhead lad Janis: not actually seen 'em, tbh Janis: if the shoe fits Jimmy: I'll suggest it for our sleepover with ๐๐ and her gremlins Janis: such a shame we never got that Jimmy: I'll make it happen for you, my dear Janis: gotta desecrate all her beds or what's the point Jimmy: ๐ฅ or nowt Janis: ๐ช๐ Janis: how long can I get away with lying in tomorrow do you reckon Jimmy: @ Libi with them Q&As Janis: ๐ฉ๐ฉ Jimmy: baby Jimmy: [๐ฅบ selfie] Janis: it's rude that you're so fit even in flash lighting Janis: dickhead Jimmy: you could let me have it Jimmy: how fit you are Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't wanna miss you Jimmy: don't, I'm here ๐๐ Janis: ๐ Jimmy: I meant what I said Jimmy: tonight were good Jimmy: I don't want it to be done for ages Janis: alright Jimmy: [sends her a ๐ pic like a nerd] Janis: we'll do something ๐ฅ day Janis: even if my nan says no to Libi coming, yeah Jimmy: she'll be ๐ but yeah Janis: yeah, ๐ค Jimmy: if Libi knew she'd have a word with ๐
probably ๐ฅ him Janis: see if I can convince Buster to put on the beard and let her go for it Jimmy: get your shit nan to grow hers out Janis: ๐ถ Janis: and you were SUCH a nice boy Jimmy: should've said you wanted me to ๐ฅ her Jimmy: did owe you after that Sharon ๐ Janis: there'll be other chances Janis: not the only one who attracts people having mid-life crises Jimmy: we have SO MUCH in common Jimmy: I'll ๐ฅ Lucas for you whenever Janis: ๐ฅฐ๐ฅฐ๐ฅฐ Jimmy: his is an end of life crisis but Janis: ๐ช๐ช๐ช? Janis: ๐ณ Jimmy: I were on about him being ๐ด Jimmy: but obvs I'll stab him if you want Janis: we can do it together Janis: bit more macbeth but Bill should still be alright with it Jimmy: #datenight Jimmy: that'll be SO romantic Janis: ๐๐ฉธ Jimmy: ๐๐๐ Janis: how cold are your fingers? Jimmy: as a come on goes Jimmy: well creative Janis: it would be if you weren't (hopefully) nearly home Jimmy: I ain't the athlete you are, Jenna Janis: Oh, babes Jimmy: ๐ป๐ป Janis: gonna have to train you too? Janis: what a #humblebrag Jimmy: depends what treats you've got Janis: what was it Janis: pies, pints and ...? Jimmy: ๐ฅ DUH Jimmy: but I'll have ๐ฌ off you an' all once I get another lighter Janis: well that explains it Janis: sensitive subject Jimmy: said you'd be calling me a mardy prick Janis: I was talking about the famine Janis: you've got a lot to learn, boy Jimmy: go on then ๐ค Janis: you want a history lesson, you're the ๐ค Jimmy: if you ain't up to teaching me something, I'll take it back Janis: psh Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: so go on Janis: [a rundown I ain't gonna give lmao] Jimmy: ๐ Janis: um, give me more ๐๐น dickhead Janis: that was EFFORT Jimmy: *๐ฅ Jimmy: alright? Janis: it'll do Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: I said it'd do Janis: ๐ Jimmy: but Jimmy: effort for effort, like Janis: You need to get some sleep Janis: we can talk about effort tomorrow Jimmy: I've got a snow reindeer to build Janis: you're gonna be knackered Jimmy: used to that an' all ๐ด๐ป Janis: ๐ฌ break will make it better, promise Jimmy: I miss you Janis: you'll think of me when you make your Rudolph sculpture Jimmy: got any ๐ก๐ฅ for how to make his nose glow? Janis: ๐ค Janis: except for making him blush, not really Janis: can't use any ๐ก or ๐ฅ Jimmy: reckon he's gonna be more of a challenge to get ๐ณ than you Janis: that's funny Janis: not how I ๐ญ it being Jimmy: bit weird that Jimmy: 'cause it's how it were Janis: ๐ Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: ๐ is what Janis: it's better than ๐ณ Jimmy: ๐ณ suits you Janis: maybe it suits you too Jimmy: does it? Janis: yeah Janis: a lot Jimmy: [a lil ๐ณ vid while he's doing this snow reindeer is he just cold, we all know the answer] Jimmy: ๐ Janis: oh Jimmy: you gonna give me one back or what? Janis: a competition to see who can ๐ณ the most isn't one I wanted ๐ฅ for but Janis: [obvs does, obvs cute and dying] Jimmy: you can have it though Janis: rather you came back Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: ๐ Janis: should've let you stay longer Janis: SO hard being SUCH a good person Jimmy: all that dickhead ๐
's fault Jimmy: having a list Jimmy: SUCH a tory Janis: massive tory Janis: no prezzies for poor kids Janis: lump of coal to rub it in Jimmy: he's about as subtle as my dad, funny that Jimmy: ALMOST like they might be the same bloke Jimmy: with an identical fetish for the mines Janis: ๐ฑ๐คข๐ต Janis: keep that to yourself before you ruin anyone else's Christmas Janis: explains how he's always working Jimmy: !!!๐คฏ Jimmy: send tweet to everyone but our kid and Libi Janis: you're good with her Jimmy: ain't much of a job to piss about with her Jimmy: she's alright Janis: you should takeover Gracie's gig instead Janis: swapsies Jimmy: Ian should just pay me but won't hold my breath Jimmy: not with these lungs Janis: suppose he pays you with the roof over your head and that's the excuse for everything ๐ Janis: know the sort Jimmy: can't forget hot water, food, clothes on my back, be a right pisstake Janis: of course Janis: where is his ๐ฅ Jimmy: he really did reckon he deserved one for the ๐ Jimmy: ๐ป๐๐ญ mate Janis: LOVE another mouth to begrudgingly feed Jimmy: ๐โ Janis: how old was your dad when he had you Jimmy: how old's he now? 105?? ๐ค Jimmy: hang on, nah, what's that saying? Only as old as the lass you smack on the arse Janis: ๐ past it then Janis: point remains anyway, people stay stupid Jimmy: northern and thick Jimmy: top combo that Janis: all people are the same Janis: collect a load of ๐ถ๐ง๐ฆ๐ถ you think you want 'cos it feels good at the time Jimmy: Dunno if it ever did for him, more in it for the ๐ป๐๐ญ Janis: ๐ of the tragic backstory Jimmy: *life story Jimmy: that goes on and fucking on Janis: its called generational trauma Janis: you'd know if your ma was a wanna-be hippie Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: and my mum Janis: it's just a word to throw about Janis: if she knows how to heal it she's keeping that one to herself Jimmy: that'll work, they both love throwing words about Jimmy: don't matter if they know what they mean or not Janis: there you go Janis: @ each other Janis: spark that back up Jimmy: there's that ๐ miracle my sister has her ๐ค for Jimmy: she'll be chuffed to bits Janis: ๐ฌ Janis: shit Jimmy: been ages but if any dickhead can sort it ๐
Janis: ๐โ๐ก๐ซ๐ฌ๐ก๐ Jimmy: sounds about right that Ian would ๐ญ my mum had popped back up just to nick his car Janis: I mean, fairplay if she did Janis: I just meant if your plan works though you'll be ๐ฅ brother x2 again Jimmy: dunno about that Janis: maybe for like, a day, anyway Jimmy: ๐ค๐๐ค Jimmy: be me Janis: awh Janis: cute Jimmy: soz I meant Jimmy: *๐ง๐ Janis: easy mistake to make Janis: still cute Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: if I ย keep ๐ณ all the snow'll melt Janis: ๐ shit dad Jimmy: ๐ป๐ป๐ป full orchestra Janis: so emotional Jimmy: ๐ฐ on that soundtrack being top quality Jimmy: have a look Janis: there's 3 hanson songs Janis: none of which being mmbop Jimmy: what the fuck Janis: 1998 was a time, apparently Jimmy: ๐ I ain't a time travelling ๐ป or โ Janis: "It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll or the desert intestine from Star Wars." Janis: when your dad gets dragged Jimmy: ๐ Janis: I guess it's better than when they redid the whole Jack Frost vibe later and they made him look like one of your coworkers Jimmy: if he pops a CV in I'll be out the door Janis: yeah you will Janis: ๐ for the fans Jimmy: OI Jimmy: you're meant to reassure me, dickhead Janis: Babe Janis: you're the best barista they've ever had Janis: better? Jimmy: late than never Janis: Baby boy Jimmy: you weren't taking the piss when you had shit that were actually edible offered to you Jimmy: all the ๐ for me then Janis: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: bollocks Janis: out of the fact girls lose their shit over you 'cos you can make a coffee, maybe Jimmy: ๐๐ฌ is more of a skill, we both get it Janis: I don't know if I'd say it's more impressive but more interesting, sure Jimmy: but if you want another go at โ๐จ I'll โ this bit out Janis: if they paid me, happy to Jimmy: barely pay me, mate Jimmy: that'll be why I spend loads of my shifts ๐จ to you Janis: just so ๐ฅฑ Jimmy: *๐ Janis: ๐ฅ
nice save Jimmy: ain't a ๐๐๐น chaser like you, girl Jimmy: I could hack being a goalie for a bit Jimmy: just that good with my hands any road Janis: ๐ Janis: you ๐ค to prove it and I'll come see you some more Janis: teach me what you like Jimmy: be thicker than I look to refuse an offer like that Janis: right answer Jimmy: I can really see you tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: that's not just Janis: yeah Janis: can't stop me going out for fresh air, like Jimmy: ๐ค? Janis: Promise Janis: I don't give a fuck Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: that feels like the right answer to me Janis: I've got to see and pretend to listen to loads of people I don't wanna see Janis: only fair Jimmy: drive over if you want, there'll be somewhere else we can leave the ๐ that'll still do his head in Janis: might take you up on that Jimmy: bring the dog like you said if you want an' all, that'll piss him off Janis: ha Janis: he'll proper think I've got no home to go to then Janis: ๐ฅบ๐ป Jimmy: DUH the obvs answer is you drive back home after, why didn't I think that though? Jimmy: don't need anywhere else to leave it Janis: it's okay Janis: you were so buzzing Janis: no ๐ฉธ in your ๐ง Jimmy: just don't want you to leave Jimmy: near the same thing Janis: ๐ Jimmy: [sending her pics of this finished reindeer moment] Janis: that's not the abomination I reckoned it'd be Janis: he'll be well ๐ again Jimmy: how hard do you wanna backhand that compliment? Janis: who's good at making snowmen, never mind snowreindeer Janis: only that blindly ๐๐๐น of you for the fans Jimmy: me, dickhead Janis: not gonna say soz for my caution Jimmy: that snow angel ended up so much like you ๐๐ 'll be doing shit to it as we ๐จ Janis: anything to cool her down Janis: ๐ฅต to ๐ฅถ Jimmy: clinging to life to finally dead, it's alright, you can say it Janis: ๐ what happens happens, babe Janis: how are we to know/pray Jimmy: what I'm willing to make happen for you, I don't need jesus about for ๐๐ฟ unless he wants to help clean up or hide a bit of evidence, as a mate Janis: 1. that's actually hot so fuck you 2. you are practically saved now, you're welcome Jimmy: mixed messages there Jimmy: I get it, you need a minute with the visuals Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: ๐ Janis: go inside now? Janis: get warm Jimmy: ๐ or ๐ฟ? Janis: what was it you said about visuals Jimmy: take a minute with them Jimmy: to decide Janis: you're not gonna get enough anyway Janis: may as well ๐ฟ Jimmy: ๐ Janis: nothing else impacted my decision, at all Jimmy: dunno what would Janis: it's a mystery Jimmy: [do get in the shower with your waterproof phone of the future] Janis: [what a time to be alive] Jimmy: [honestly, what more could you need when you're young, in love and extra] Janis: I don't wanna go sleep Jimmy: why? Janis: ๐
๐๐ Janis: excitement is too real Jimmy: now the answer that ain't bollocks Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: I doubt that Janis: I just don't wanna stop chatting to you Jimmy: so stay with me Janis: okay Jimmy: it is Jimmy: you don't have to feel stupid Janis: ๐ค Jimmy: โ Janis: ๐ Jimmy: that weren't an animal comparison I made Jimmy: bit dangerous Janis: go ahead and be racist if the mood takes Janis: I don't care and I TOTALLY WON'T use the receipts later when you piss me off Jimmy: not my dad, you're alright Janis: thank GOD you reminded me Jimmy: easy mistake, that Janis: hardly Janis: gonna ask your brother to do an impression of you next, nothing like it, guaranteed Jimmy: ๐ twinning's all it takes Jimmy: look enough like him, nowt I can do about it Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Jimmy: you don't look like Gracie Jimmy: she wishes Janis: plenty of other unfavourable options of people I do Jimmy: I ain't got that list Janis: my nan, mostly Janis: non shit Jimmy: fit nan and shit nan Jimmy: easy to remember Janis: shut up Jimmy: what? Janis: that's gross Jimmy: I'm not gonna ask her on a fake date Janis: ๐ค Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: for my nan? Janis: yeah, not gonna pass it on over the turkey but tah Jimmy: she's fit 'cause she looks like you Jimmy: mysterious she can have Janis: ๐ quit whilst you're ahead Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: you're bad at cards, got it Jimmy: spread it about, we'll have some piss easy wins Janis: ๐ alright Janis: bit of an obvious trick but they are all exceptionally stupid so Jimmy: not the worst plan we've come up and had to pull off Janis: suppose not Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: ๐ช๐๐ฉธ Jimmy: open a vein so I know it's real, babe Janis: go ahead and take your pick Jimmy: you're the ๐ง I don't play favourites Jimmy: they're all ๐ฅ Janis: arteries explode out and veins slowly bleed out, I think Janis: you've already made your intentions clear Jimmy: have I? Janis: slow and painful death Jimmy: for me, not you Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: considerate Jimmy: sound more shocked, dickhead Janis: maybe I told you what I wanted already Jimmy: and what, you're never gonna tell me again? Janis: depends Jimmy: on? Janis: if you wanna hear it Jimmy: why wouldn't I? Janis: you're saved Janis: don't wanna drag you down Jimmy: what if I want you to? Janis: careful what you wish for Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: If I'm wishing for it that means I want it Jimmy: I don't have wishes to waste on bollocks Janis: three's standard Janis: but won't do the whole, fucking you over 'cos you weren't specific enough/need to learn a valuable lesson bullshit Jimmy: leaves me one Janis: go on then Jimmy: tell me then Janis: I want slow and painful too Janis: I want you to kill me and drag me down Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Jimmy: starting tomorrow, Jules Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: but it's today Jimmy: well past midnight by now Janis: okay Cinderella Janis: you didn't turn back into a pumpkin Jimmy: or melt under the ๐ฟ Janis: thank goodness Janis: don't want to have to keep a constant ๐ on you Jimmy: UGH fine, I won't give you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: and definitely DON'T video call me next time you need a ๐ฟ Janis: would just hate that Jimmy: fuming does suit you Janis: you are very frustrating Jimmy: without trying an' all Jimmy: ๐ญ if I were Janis: I can't bear to think about that Janis: to be honest Janis: I'll just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: you can just Janis: can I Jimmy: yeah Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: *today Janis: right Janis: not gonna tell you I'm counting the minutes or anything but the fans would ๐ Jimmy: if I could count Janis: ๐โ๐ค baby Jimmy: ๐ Janis: I'll show you how to do it backwards and everything Janis: but I'll let you be working with less alcohol more sleep Janis: I'm nothing if not fair Jimmy: and just ๐ค rude Janis: you like it Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: just saying you do Jimmy: til I do, you can Jimmy: I'll need better working conditions to ๐ the FULL list Janis: you'll have to at least tell me your conditions if you want them to be met Jimmy: you'll know when you've met them Janis: ๐ Jimmy: that won't be my face, for a start Janis: ๐ค๐๐ค Janis: I remember Jimmy: bit far down the other end of the scale but alright Janis: ๐? Jimmy: have to get the red cheeks in, I ๐ you Janis: there's got to be something in it for me, like Janis: not a ๐ Jimmy: and you reckon that'll be all there is in it for you? Janis: they're your conditions Jimmy: but what kind of fake boyfriend would I be? Jimmy: not ๐ฅ Janis: assumed your ideal wouldn't have much fan pandering in it Jimmy: LOVE the fans, me Janis: my mistake Jimmy: another easy one, obvs Janis: it's the ๐ Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for his share of that blame Janis: didn't say I didn't like it Jimmy: you never said you did either Janis: yeah I have Janis: loads of times Jimmy: so say it again Janis: well fit and mysterious Janis: duh Jimmy: ๐ Janis: mm Janis: that's weird Jimmy: can't win with you Janis: I just Janis: what's that line Janis: like you, just as your are? Janis: go with that Jimmy: festive Jimmy: I bet his jumper were itchy Janis: just jealous of the rudolph one Jimmy: nowt else to be after from that posh lad Janis: his hair is nice Jimmy: I dunno I were looking further down Janis: ๐ Janis: his beautiful eyes, sure Jimmy: if you need to go have a bit of alone time with them visuals, crack on Janis: ๐ Jimmy: if that's the technique you wanna use, nowt to do with me but Janis: shut up Janis: you wanna give me tips now Jimmy: I'd have to show you if I'm ๐ค Janis: you're always bragging about being good with your hands Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Janis: sure Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: if you're gonna slag me off in sign, way ahead of you Jimmy: depends on how shit of a review you give me for what I am gonna do Janis: seems unlikely Janis: track record, and how nice I am Jimmy: not doubting myself, Judith Jimmy: way ahead of you on how unlikely it is Janis: not sorry for wanting proof Jimmy: you won't be sorry when you get it Janis: come on Janis: stop teasing me Jimmy: I'll have a job to touch you from here Janis: ๐ฃ Jimmy: I know Janis: ๐ on the scale, actually Jimmy: ๐ก 'cause it's festive and you reckon the colour suits me Janis: yes x2 Janis: on brand Jimmy: ๐ก๐ฅ hang on Jimmy: [a saucy lil video of how good he is with his hands on himself because the best we can do rn as far as proof goes] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ๐ Janis: you're just going to do that Janis: and act like you haven't killed me Jimmy: I said I would Janis: you weren't messing about Jimmy: slow and painful as I could manage Janis: I can see that Janis: Jesus, boy Jimmy: can't have you calling me a tease Janis: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: always Janis: ๐ฅ is right Jimmy: for you, yeah Janis: it is for me Jimmy: Where are you on the scale now? Janis: If I could tell you how ๐คฏ I am, it wouldn't convey it Janis: speechless or ๐ฅด Jimmy: not gonna be a prick and call it a ๐ miracle Janis: if I show you back you can call it that Janis: nice list still possible Jimmy: dunno if you can keep saving me and say you wanna drag me down but alright Janis: I want dragging you down to be fun, on both accounts Janis: what fun's a shit Christmas with no presents? Jimmy: you've given me loads of ๐s Janis: if you don't wanna see me Jimmy: I'd never say that Janis: so say you wanna Jimmy: [voice memo just because] Janis: [some risque photos but not doing a video because we don't trust and the issues there sorry] Jimmy: [that's so real] Jimmy: speechless is right Janis: I just wanna show you I miss you too Jimmy: you did Jimmy: we're on the same page, no pisstake for once Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: okay, some idea Janis: it's not ๐ฅ though Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I give the ๐s out Janis: yours was better though Janis: but I'm not mad to take ๐ฅif it means I get to feel that Jimmy: you weren't expecting it, nowt else Janis: weren't expecting you is a good way to put it Jimmy: I get that Janis: I dunno Janis: I'm drunk and horny, that's all Jimmy: is it? Janis: I don't know Jimmy: alright Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: ๐ฅ๐ช Janis: he's been and gone, babe Janis: I checked Jimmy: he's in your ๐ forever, girl Janis: 2000 miles, yeah Jimmy: don't be get getting ๐๐ต in my head Janis: I need to get you out of mine Jimmy: rude Janis: not like that Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: there's loads of room in your head for me Janis: ha ha Jimmy: let me stay Janis: how could I refuse Jimmy: Bill'd have suggestions Janis: he's not speaking to me right now Jimmy: it'd only be some bollocks with a fan Jimmy: like we don't have other ways to send secret ๐ Jimmy: what did you do to piss him off? Janis: like if I smack you 'round the head with it I might be a bit pissed off? ๐ Janis: his mind, honestly Janis: not being very ๐ right now Janis: letting you leave so easily, not very starcrossed of me Jimmy: I've got no complaints, he can leave his out Jimmy: before you start, I know that don't sound like me Jimmy: but if he's gonna be mardy, might as well break character and really do his head in Janis: he's got NOTES about the lack of โโ Janis: but when I told him he was trying to compete with Dickens he went full ๐๐ instead of you ๐ฑ Janis: meant to say FUCK OUR FAMILIES and be all about each other only, not, fair play, reckon you should go back before the kids wake up ๐๐คท Jimmy: he can't say we didn't take that stage direction Jimmy: fuck Ian is written in every margin Janis: exactly Janis: he wants me to kick the ๐ถ in the face or what? Jimmy: I think that were me Janis: doing the kicking or getting kicked Jimmy: obvs kicking the ๐ Jimmy: but a ๐ฅ would be festive if you've got your ๐ set on it Janis: he's probably into some light โฝ๐ torture Janis: I ๐ it in your future, Romeo Jimmy: ๐ Janis: ๐ Jimmy: how far in the future have you had a look? Janis: ๐ฎ NYE Jimmy: night of my ๐๐๐ Jimmy: I get it Janis: Obvs I cannot IMAGINE life after that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: what kind of life would it be Janis: NOT the one Bill wrote, that's for sure Jimmy: he ain't thinking about how fit you'd look in all that black Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: I've not got an ugly cry face either Janis: just put that out there Jimmy: it's all coming up ๐นs Jimmy: he'll get his head round the rewrite and be chuffed to bits Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanted slow and painful Janis: not to fake ๐ญ forever Jimmy: set the date then, baby Janis: have to see where you are after your dad finds out Janis: doubt you'll be going anywhere before NYE Jimmy: he'll have his own murder to do Jimmy: can't have Sharon pining forever AND have all the ๐๐ญ๐ป for himself Janis: ooh fun Janis: odds on he'll strangle her though, predictable Jimmy: Dunno if he's got the stamina for it Jimmy: might have to just smack her with something Jimmy: gutted he don't have any ๐ Janis: ๐ฌ #cantrelate ๐๐๐ช Jimmy: can't escape the comparisons, me Jimmy: โ or ๐ฆ from his mining days'll do ๐ค Janis: get caught for keeping the murder weapon Janis: just can't let go Janis: I like it for him Jimmy: coal dust at the scene of the crime and her last meal were ๐ฅง๐ฅ๐บ Janis: ๐ Janis: was nice of him to make sure she was fed Janis: blame, where??? Janis: ๐ฅ bloke Jimmy: she'll have made it for him but if she don't crack on to them leftovers how'll she have enough stamina herself to do the washing up Jimmy: he's learnt from past mistakes there Janis: don't smack her 'til the chores are done? Janis: keep that in mind Janis: thought it was his motivational tactic Jimmy: and get the next one to clean up the ๐ฉธ๐ฆท so you can't hang about smacking that Sharon's arse an' all Janis: got a system Janis: almost have to respect it Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: best ๐๐ going Janis: I'll pop out a box tomorrow if he likes Jimmy: you got one massive enough? Janis: oi Janis: fat shame me on christmas Jimmy: ๐จ about nowt but your head Jimmy: but ๐ญ about it, doing your ๐ฆ neck in would be AGONY Janis: OFFER ๐ ME ๐ A ๐ MASSAGE ๐ OMG Janis: -100 #goals points Jimmy: give me chance, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't even out the box yet Janis: not in it Janis: let me eat my dinner and unwrap my presents first Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: don't be taking #goals points off me Janis: well you'll have to think of your own idea now Janis: can't copy me Jimmy: easy Janis: we'll see Jimmy: making it sound like I ain't had loads of ๐ก๐ฅ already is a bit of a pisstake but alright Janis: not that easy Janis: I've already been well too nice to you Jimmy: โ out the bit where you're chatting bollocks and we're left with the right amount of nice Janis: ๐
is the ONLY man who makes those kind of calls Janis: how dare you Jimmy: ain't stopping him ๐ in Janis: alright if you reckon he'll side with you Jimmy: I'll talk him round if he's pissing about on yours Janis: Good luck he doesn't do sign Janis: and I don't think he could understand your accent either Jimmy: better at not talking, me Janis: hoe Jimmy: #seducesanta probably already trending Janis: unoriginal but popular Janis: basically this plan in a nutshell Jimmy: I'm nowt if not on brand Jimmy: and #suckingoffsantaclaus is a bit Jimmy: it's just not mysterious enough Janis: SO weird no ๐ Jimmy: what else is he ๐ at this time of the morning for? Jimmy: bloody tease Janis: he's just finished work and he wants to debrief Janis: it's like you don't even care Janis: one-track mind ๐ Jimmy: UGH fine #spooningsanta Janis: ๐ฅ you tried Jimmy: he'll rate it Jimmy: you're too jealous to give me any credit is all Janis: oh please Jimmy: stop begging, I can't cuddle you from there Jimmy: you'll have to get a lift with ๐
Janis: ๐ twat Jimmy: soz I'm not a ๐ฆง Janis: that's my type now? Jimmy: I dunno what other animals have long arms Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: ๐ spooning just sounds like I'm gonna suffocate you Janis: ๐ Janis: and ๐๐๐คค Jimmy: SHIT that'd have been a top one Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: ๐ Janis: what do I win? Jimmy: I'm too fuming to ๐ญ Janis: rude Jimmy: blame that ๐ dickhead Jimmy: making me look even thicker than my face does Janis: soz you can't compete with me or tentacles Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: who's ๐ฆ an' all? Janis: ๐ฌ Janis: at least it's not ๐ฆ boy Janis: remember him Jimmy: how could I forget? Jimmy: what a #lad Janis: yeah Janis: no arms at all there though Janis: โโโ Jimmy: ๐๐๐ Janis: you can have him Janis: he'll be so ๐ Jimmy: and what, you're saying grateful is my type? Janis: as that would be a fake self-drag Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: ๐ฆ'll have to live without me Jimmy: or ๐๐๐ if we're starting that trend Janis: he might be that gutted when you're gone Janis: if I have the misfortune of having to stick around here and be a ๐ป Janis: I'll let you know, somehow Jimmy: ๐ค him and all the other dickheads who do your head in Jimmy: 'cause you won't be a ๐ป unless you have unfinished bollocks Jimmy: and I reckon that's gotta be a bit more than ๐๐ so you'll be alright Janis: tah for your expert opinion Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: rot in peace, my dear ๐ Janis: with so little going on, how could I not Jimmy: it's a done deal Janis: ๐ Jimmy: ๐ฅ Janis: think one of the kids has woken up Janis: brb Jimmy: ๐ Janis: [obviously we're dipping] Jimmy: [you wanna post this then gal it's probably long af] Janis: [we can start actually xmas day in a different convo if you wanna yeah]
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