#(this guy already stuggles to make emotional progress as is.)

[posts-from-employee-427]

Oh. Sorry to hear that. -oha

It's fine, it's just.

I don't particularly like arguing with him. I mean, the natural state of things and if we didn't find stuff to fight over eternity would get very boring very quickly. But it's not always fun.

A lot of the time it's really serious actually. Someone will overstep a boundary or say something they shouldn't have or didn't mean or someone will make a comment that hits a little too close to one or both parties and then it's just. Awful. Because as much as bickering passes the time there are lines you can't cross. Ever. It's an unspoken rule that we keep on breaking.

As much as I hate him and he hates me, I don't want to like. Hurt him. Not severely at least. Yeah I'll slap him or yell at him or any other number of things but there's still a limit. Because despite all the shit he's put me through I don't want to put him through the same. and because deep down no matter how hard I bury the memories I know I've already made him pay due for all of it and then some. I didn't mean to. I really didn't but I can't change it or shake the thought that he'll always hate me more than he did before those incidents

I just. He's my friend. I have no one else who would even consider dealing with me for this long. Even if we're both trapped here he could've walked away and just left me to it so many times. But he always returns for some reason or another and I really don't get it. Does it just get boring not having someone to argue with?

I know it's not that. I know it's because there are moments where we're both genuinely excited about something. Whether it's the expo or reaching some ridiculously stupid ending where we'll flip through bird videos or follow some stupid yellow line for several resets there are moments where we are both just genuinely having fun.

It's easier to ignore all that though. If I just pretend that we're always at each other's throats and we hate each other then I can play off these emotions as just a strange friendship and nothing else, and it would be much easier to pretend everything is normal and not worry about how long I can hide everything from myself or more importantly him to keep things as okay as they are and not get laughed and and berated and a million other things because I wasn't able to hold it in and bury it down far enough and

I need more time alone to think. And bury. Let's pretend you heard none of this.

[swordboiis]

Katsugeki episode 11 reaction

Horikawa is the focus of my reaction this time really rip.

This Horikawa drama is… kind of bugging me. I mean, I’m glad to see Katsugeki focus on something solid but this doesn’t feel like Horikawa. The whole show, this Katsugeki Horikawa doesn’t feel like Horikawa. Of course, I believe Horikawa can be incredibly serious and reflective on the morals of what they’re doing, there’s no problem with that. How do I put this into words? He feels less likes a character and more like a plot progression. What does Katsugeki tell us about Horikawa? That he shares a former master with Kane, that he’s a rookie, that he has a lot of doubt and hesitation in their battle. And that’s about it. To be fair, I think Katsugeki has done a horrible job with most of the characters. I’d probably ramble on too much if I was to go into depth about that but I’ll save that for when the series is over.

But back to my point, Horikawa is a plot point. It genuinely feels like he is there to serve a role rather than be a character. At first, he served as the audience surrogate, through him we were meant to understand the world and what they are fighting for. And now, he’s just an excuse for drama. The stuggle of what is right and wrong, sure. That’s believable but when they make it about Horikawa putting Hijikata above all else… It really does feel like a weak imitation of Yasusada towards the end of Hanamaru. But with Yasusada, we knew his devotion to Okita was strong to a fault, that it was strong enough to sway his desire to serve the Saniwa. But the Horikawa we know doesn’t think about Hijikata, he thinks about being a good partner to Kane. And the fact that he is willing to against Kane is just more towards how wrong he is being portrayed.

I’m glad this episode at least expanded on Horikawa’s reasoning and had Mutsu point out he was so shaken because of Kane’s tears but it still feels weak to me. Especially since Kane even verbalised how important he found preserving history even if it hurt him to think about what he would be letting Hijikata walk into. As I said, it’s a plot point. His motivation is a mess and makes him not feel like Horikawa.

Maybe I’m being stubborn and I should be open to different takes on the characters but this just doesn’t feel like Horikawa. I’ve never been particularly fond of Horikawa so maybe I’m just biased but it doesn’t sit well with me. I guess I’m just disappointed finding someone like Horikawa who is arguably the third main character, when the main two are handled so well. I’ve sung praises for Mutusnokami every chance I’ve gotten and Kane has been treated much better than in the first few episodes, but Horikawa is just unrecognisable to me.  

Guess I’m complaining a lot this time but the set up making Mutsunokami and Kane split up with the rest of the unit felt like an obvious move to get them out of the way… I mean especially with Tsurumaru, why bother including them at all as characters when they’re treated so badly? Again, I’ll save a full-on discussion about the characters when it’s all done.

Even more complaints maybe I shouldn’t watch anime when instead of sleeping or Katsugeki could just be this frustrating. Either way, the guys suddenly acting like Horikawa and Kane are like brothers??? Even suggesting they’re close is weak since Katsugeki’s only real relationship building is the rivalry between Mutsu and Kane. They didn’t even do well at establishing Honebami and Yagen as brothers. I guess there was a slight nod to Yagen respecting Tsuru but I still feel I was reading too much into Tsurumaru’s grand entrance. Listen there was little strong interaction between Kane and Horikawa. Maybe I’m recalling wrong but in their first episode Kane is teaching Horikawa but that whole episode was a mess. We’ve been shown scenes of Horikawa thinking about Kane and being concerned about him, but nothing about Kane caring back until now since it’s something so dramatic. It felt one sided before and out of nowhere now. Just another thing that’s frustrating me. I mean c’mon Horikawa seems to have a stronger relationship with Mutsu rather than Kane but I’ll stop already.

The best part of the episode was Mutsunokami’s goodbye to Sakamoto. Ufotable treats him so well, it was a short little thing but made me feel strongly and for the first time this episode my feelings weren’t just frustration.

Ok one last Horikawa complaint, I’m probably being too hard on him. I should see it as a good thing that Ufotable gave him more attachment to Hijikata and appreciate the angst in him clearly remembering Hijikata’s death. But I’m just getting bothered, if Horikawa really cared so much about Hijikata and was by his side in his final moments he should understand better than anyone. Understand that Hijikata was the embodiment of his ideals, he was a samurai. He no longer had a master to serve, but rather than die a coward’s death like the warrior he was he had to fight with all his strength with everything he believed in until the end. Horikawa refusing that and not understanding just really bothers me. It makes me feel he didn’t understand Hijikata at all and again, I think his emotions and motivations are a total mess.

If anything, maybe this Horikawa corruption whatever the hell is going on is Ufotable’s answer for a villain. I think it’s safe to say Kane didn’t cut Hori down and that we will see a proper physical confrontation between them next episode. What will come from it I really don’t know.

I complained a lot this episode sorry but a lot keeps bothering me. Maybe I’m being too hard on it but I had such high hopes for Katsugeki… I still don’t know the episode run length we’ve officially been given for Katsugeki but I feel next episode is probably the finale?