#(we're in the scenario where you already own the garment and would like to make it work for you)

[aeide-thea]

the joy of maintenance 🧼✨

[mittensmorgul]

I was watching the ep where they got Cas back after Lucifer stabbed him and I couldn't help but think "dang, it's a shame all this is still subtext." And then it dawned on me that it's not subtext. That if Cas were a woman, there'd be no doubt that her coming back was the pivotal moment for Dean that season. But they didn't outright confirm it because they don't think they had to. It's not subtext just because they don't spell it out. But we're conditioned to think that way with same sex ships.

hrrrrmmmmm... see I waffle back and forth between feeling like this is a postulation that could be useful for people who claim they don’t see it, and feeling like I need to douse myself with purell for even having to consider it, you know?

I tend to file this information under “things that make me slightly uncomfortable while also being a useful tool for people who are open-minded but just might need a little nudge into understanding what being bisexual feels like sometimes...”

I mean, dig back through my pages of posts in my “casual viewer stories with mr mittens” tag and somewhere there’s a post from like s9 (it was years ago) where he said “if Cas had been in a female vessel, he and Dean would’ve been married by now.” And somewhere else where he said, “too bad Dean’s straight.” And just... when he said these things (out of the blue, randomly) I’d been so caught off guard I kinda just blinked and stared at him like... who said Dean’s straight? but unfortunately didn’t actually say it out loud.

I was just... so dang flummoxed that anyone could look at Dean and not think he was a repressed, closeted bi. But then I remember straight people exist, and I’m married to one, and realize that yes, this CAN be a helpful tool to explain the dynamic we see constantly between Dean and Cas.

Because bisexual people exist. *waves hello* And sometimes bisexual people NEVER jump out of the closet. Sometimes we just think it’s easier to stick to what’s more socially acceptable (especially for someone like Dean who lived most of his life on the road with no attachments... strange small town where he’ll be for a few days at a time? Usually easier to draw less attention to himself by hooking up with a woman than DOUBLY putting himself at risk when he’s trying to maintain a cover id for a case and not getting himself run out of town for hitting on the wrong dude...). Not to mention the generation Dean was raised in, the lifestyle he has led (hunting seemed to be SUPER heavy on the dudebro types until their more recent reintroduction to the community through Jody’s hunder connections, the Witch Twins, etc.), and the transience of his life for years and years, believing he would never be able to actually HAVE any sort of long-term relationship at all. For a one-night stand? Sometimes it’s easier to play straight, especially in a lot of the sorts of towns we’ve seen them visit on the show (yes it’s 2019 and people need to wake up to the fact that bisexuality is real, but hooooooboy there’s still a lot of homophobia out there, and I get it).

SO! All that said... yeah, if someone REALLY just doesn’t understand where we’re seeing all this destiel subtext (and text tbh), then asking that simple question and inviting them to ponder the ENTIRE series again under that What If scenario... well, if that person STILL thinks Dean and Cas would just be pals, then I don’t think there’s any hope for them at all.

If their ONLY objection remains, “Well, but Cas is STILL in a dudesuit, and Dean is STILL straight, so...”, then I invite them to remember that bisexuality is a real thing, and that some bisexual people NEVER actually come out of the closet (which is TOTALLY FINE and A PERSONAL CHOICE and it’s always best to do what’s safest and most comfortable for yourself), and some only admit it to themselves later in life when they DO feel safe and comfortable enough to settle down that way... or until they discover they’ve fallen in love with their best friend and to their eternal wonder they discover their friend has also fallen in love with them...

Sometimes that’s just how things happen.

But I like to tell people to consider this bearing in mind that from the pilot episode, I completely identified with Dean Winchester... as someone who only came out as bi later in life, because when I was a teenager, literally did not even understand that was a thing someone could be. I was just really, REALLY confused for a long time. (and I’m five years older than Dean, and can completely understand the isolated way he was raised, his entire life one giant ball of intensely managed secrecy, that it’s absolutely something he would’ve believed best kept well squashed down and buried right alongside his memory of his mother and his own self-worth).

But just ponder for a moment, if Cas had always been in a female-presenting vessel-- which we have seen him in TWICE now (Claire Novak and the woman he possessed in the flashback scenes in 12.10)-- would he still have used male pronouns? Because he always did use male pronouns, independent of having a male-presenting vessel. (and yes, this opens a whole other can of worms which I already made one long post about: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/174088047410/do-you-think-at-this-point-in-time-cas-thinks-of )

And all things considered, there was STILL the barrier Dean felt between them, clearly illustrated by his “last night on Earth” with Anna. It wasn’t her GENDER that kept him from being with her, but one she was an angel again... she pretty much instantly shut him down. She was also the one who explained to him what angels feel versus what humans feel, specifically listing the experience of sex as one of the reasons she chose the painful act of tearing out her grace, specifically to become human in order to feel that. So... what has Dean been left with regarding Cas’s OWN feelings about human intimacy in general?

Even after 5.03, when a female-presenting person was willing to have sex with him, Cas... didn’t even REMOTELY get it. In fact, he didn’t get it until he WAS human (which... 9.03 is its own horrific can of worms here, but this was the first time Dean realized that Cas MIGHT in some way at ALL be interested in human intimacy). And then almost as soon as he became human, Dean was forced to make the horrific choice (let Sam die on the spot, or kick Cas out). He gets ONE CHANCE to even SEE Cas during this time, and it’s a situation where Cas nearly DIES, bringing on a ton of guilt and making Dean feel like he made the right decision keeping Cas out of all the supernatural nonsense for his own safety. *cue rending of garments and gnashing of teeth*

And then the next time he sees Cas, Cas... isn’t human anymore... and Dean’s... resigned to that fact.

It’s always SOMETHING standing between them, you know? It’s not JUST the apparent physical gender of Cas’s vessel. But if playing a round of “what if” helps folks jump that hurdle for themselves, then I don’t see anything wrong with it. As long as the conclusion they draw isn’t “well then that’s the eternal barrier standing between them and we can’t do anything about that,” then refer them back to the above essay on bisexual people repressing the hell out of that until they feel safe enough or comfortable enough or just have REASON enough to step out of the closet. Okay. I guess that’s enough for that. :P