#* ⌜☆ * we're stuck in the storm we were born to ignore ⟶ connection: c. reid

[prtcts]

toronto wasn't as bleak as her outlook towards it was, but she despised the city. she had been employed for a private security firm for a few month, a steady pay check was nice, but it wasn't the same. these people had laws to follow, taxes to pay, and she just couldn't trick herself into being grateful. even though she had a roof over her head, and absolutely no right to feel like she was deserving of more risky jobs. her reputation had shattered when she had left phobos, and evaporated with the ghost she had tied herself to. she wasn't even kimura hanako now, that name had too high a price on its head. and lucy choi was still up and coming, still new to the industry, still stuck taking a spoilt teenage boy to a damn bookstore. still having to have a partner for such a menial task. the store itself was vast, and as she slipped in behind her partner, she did a quick scan. there was little visibility between the high shelves and complicated, pseudo-roman columns. both of them sighed in unison.

“ I'll do a sweep. ”  she muttered, and he nodded, turning back to the teenager as she drifted away. it was a standard perimeter check, and once the ground floor was clear she darted upstairs to do the same. no one suspicious, no security holes, fire escape door on the outside west wall... she froze. at first she thought she was hallucinating, seeing patterns that weren't really there. his posture was altered, his clothes not quite the same. she couldn't see his face, but that didn't stop the chill from building inside of her. she took a step forwards, but he shifted, and a horribly familiar profile came into view, and she froze once more.

anger, relief, hurt, fear, confusion - all of them tumbled through her system at dizzying speed, and she couldn't help the sharp breath that she drew in. she knew she should be going back downstairs, returning to her position, ignoring him, perhaps even taking her charge out of his vicinity. but she couldn't move. months of searching, months of hoping, they all crumbled around her, and suddenly she wasn't lucy anymore, hanako was back in full force. and as angry she was, the overwhelming emotion was that he was alive, that he was okay, it was relief.

" Casper? " she breathed, ever so tentatively, half hoping he would turn and be a completely different person, at least that way she wouldn't have to stop herself from crying.

@unphantasmal

[prtcts]

“You can’t quantify humanity. You can’t measure it—not the way you mean to. People are passionate and flawed and fallible. They make mistakes. Their memories fade. Their eyes deceive them.”

@vanishinq & hanako aes

[prtcts]

“ of course i remembered. ” - @vanishinq

silence. it's the only acceptable response. hanako's throat was right with all the words she couldn't quite say. the first day they had met, she'd assumed the date had been lost to bis memory, a hazy recollection confused with everything that had followed, a whirlwind, a romance, a quiet offer and the acceptance that had turned her life inside out. she'd never regretted it, but she had never assumed it had mattered as much to him as it had to her. she'd walked away from a lifetime commitment, he'd just gone home.

so knowing that he knew, that the date had been significant to him, too... it made her feel... seen. he was the only person who ever made her feel that way, that ever really had. it stung, but she didn't mind.

" casper... " it came out as a whisper, but she couldn't force her voice any louder. hanako kimura wasn't this person. she didn't get to fall in love, she didn't get to feel safe with somebody; she was supposed to be the person others felt safe around. and she tried. casper needed more than someone who could protect him in a fight, he needed someone to protect him from himself, and that scared her, because she didn't know if she would always be able to be there for him. there was as much of a price on her head as his, one day, they'd catch up, and he'd be alone.

she shook her head, forcing those thoughts out of her mind as she cleared her throat. " casper. " she tried again, her mouth felt like sandpaper, " you don't need to remember things like that. " she smiled, softly " but it's nice that you do. "

[prtcts]

“ it’s kind of scary how well you know me, sometimes. ” - @vanishinq

her eyes were soft as she gazed at him. there wasn't a lot she could say to him, there wasn't a lot she needed to say. there wasn't much of an explanation for how well she understood casper, beyond the fact that she spent every moment she could with him, that she had seen his good days and his bad days, she had seen him work, and she had seen him barely able to move. and, just sometimes, she watched the way his eyes changed when he looked at her, and tricked herself into believing there was something more behind them.

but she wasn't good at talking, even with him. even when she brushed his hair out of his eyes and promised not to turn her back on him. so she just blinked, biting her bottom lip as she searched for a response that wouldn't make them both uncomfortable. her hand lifts, and she cups his cheek, gently, thumb swiping over his cheekbone in a slow, rhythmical movement.

" I care about you. " i love you. " knowing you is the best thing that ever happened to me. i take it seriously. " shit. she made it uncomfortable.

[prtcts]

anonymous sent “ 006 ” for hanako to talk about him

“ have you ever met somebody so astounding that it hurts you? because that’s what it’s like with him. his intellect and his creativity seem to pour out of him constantly, and being around all of the power that those hold is really quite dazzling. sometimes i think it could overwhelm me. but then he’s gone, and i can catch my breath and forget how much he makes me ache. i don’t fully understand any of it - why his eyes feel like they leave bruises, or why his voice can captivate no matter what he’s saying, or why someone like him bothers at all with someone like me.

he doesn’t belong to anyone, he never will; if you broke us down to our smallest parts that’s the most glaring difference you would find - a free mind verses a trapped one. and i know he has secrets, i know there are things he will never say, so i know i shouldn’t think twice when he leaves, when the number is changed again, because i do those things too, but there’s always a part of me that wonders if i’ll ever see him again.

he’s beautiful. i’m so scared of him. ”

[prtcts]

tag drop (finally)