#* i wannnaa gooo home*

[lilyblossoming]

..

[beykhabarr]

Me: I study better with music it helps me focus

Also me 10 minutes into studying: *using my pencil as a makeshift mic* AAAANDDD I DONTT WANNNAA GOOO HOMEE YET LET ME WAALKK TO THE TOP OFF THE BIGG NIGHTTT SKYYYY

[falst]

Realization, Chapter 9

[Matteo and Missouri are gay disasters, the chapter]

While Missouri and Matteo weren’t able to talk and drink forever, they were there a while.

They talked about nothing in particular, just whatever came to mind. Heather was brought up a couple of times and Missouri tried to change the subject as quickly as possible. Matteo had been talking about their relationship and Missouri didn’t want to hear about that, even with the guilt that stirred his stomach because of it.

Anyways, after about two hours Matteo was mildly drunk, and Missouri was surprisingly not. After he had finished his first bottle he hadn’t really drank that much. He just fiddled with the half empty beer bottle, paying more attention to Matteo than to the alcohol.

While he was looking at Matteo very fondly, Matteo was, to Missouri’s surprise, doing the same. They sat in silence for about a minute before Matteo began to speak.

“Youu’re rreally cutte, Miike. Y’knoow that, riightt?” He muttered, his words slurring. He was looking directly at Missouri.

Missouri’s face turned a little red.

“Oh- uh- yeah. Thanks Matteo.” Missouri 

Matteo raised his head from the table, keeping eye contact with Missouri.

“I’mmm surrprrissedd youuu doonn’tt havvve sommeeonne to lovve yet… you’dd be a grreatt boyfrriend.”

Missouri paused.

“Well… I... do love someone.. heeee- SHE probably would never love me back though.”

Matteo grabbed his beer and took a large swing.

“Damnnn. Youu shoulddd att leastt tryyy tttooo get with herrr… I don’ttt ssseee howw annyone coulld turrn youu downn.”

Missouri paused once again, processing what his friend had just said.

“...anyone?” He asked. Matteo took another large sip of his beer.

“Aannyone. I doonn’t carrre wwhoo theyy arre, theeyy cannnottt turrrn youu dowwnn.”

“Huh.” Missouri glanced to the wall.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Matteo let out a soft chuckle.

“Hellll, I donn’tt thhinkk I coulld say no ifff youuu assskkedd me outtttt…” He muttered before resting his arms and head on the table in front of him.

Missouri nearly choked on his own spit.

“Oh. That’s- thats uh- that’s nice.”

“Yeah…” 

The two men sat in silence for another few minutes. Missouri stared at the wall, flustered out of his mind. 

Matteo had really just said those words in that order, huh? Neat.

Missouri was snapped out of his small panic by Matteo asking Missouri to take him home. He said he was getting tired. Missouri agreed. 

Matteo wasn’t really having troubles walking, but he clung to Missouri’s arm on the walk to his apartment anyways. Missouri didn’t mind, but it still made him feel a little nervous.

Matteo was also muttering stuff the most of the way there. He kept giving Missouri compliments, which made it a struggle for Missouri not to turn into a pile of flustered mush at any given moment.

Missouri managed to get to Matteo’s apartment without dying, which was difficult due to the words Matteo was saying. He did it though! Good for him.

Missouri opened the apartment door and sighed, Matteo still tightly clinging onto his arm.

Missouri brought Matteo to the couch, not really considering the existence of beds. Matteo sat down immediately and Missouri expected Matteo to let go of his arm. Matteo, in fact, did not let go of Missouri’s arm.

“Plllleassse.. dooon’t gooo Miike.. I donnn’ttt wannnaa loossse you agaaain” he muttered, his words slurring heavily.

Missouri looked down at his drunk friend in confusion.

“What..?” He asked, puzzled. What did Matteo mean by “I don’t wanna lose you again”? 

Missouri quickly got his answer.

“Wwwheennn youuuu lefftt, I thoooughttt I’d never ssseeee youuu aagggain annnddd jusssttt-” Matteo cut himself off and looked up at Missouri. He looked like was on the verge of crying, and close to panicking.

“Plllleasse staayyy..”

Missouri felt guilt shoot through him. Of course Matteo had been more concerned about him disappearing for a year without a trace than he had let on. That was just how Matteo was. Hell, he had felt it but had just brushed it off as a normal thing. 

Goddamnit. He should’ve at least told Matteo he was leaving, but he was in such a panic at the time that the thought didn’t even cross his mind. He couldn’t even imagine the panic and worry Matteo had dealt with..

Well, he could at least make things easier for his friend right now. 

He sat down next to Matteo, and Matteo responded by squeezing Missouri’s arm tighter. 

“I won’t go, m’kay hun?” Missouri whispered, trying to comfort Matteo.

“Thaannk yooouuu..” Matteo whispered back, smiling softly.

“You’re welcome.” Missouri muttered. Matteo snuggled up to Missouri, gently rubbing his head against Missouri’s arm. Missouri froze completely, his cheeks and ears red. It was wonderful being so close to Matteo but to say it didn’t want to make him scream would be a lie.

He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to distract himself from the nervous feeling looming over his entire body, and let his mind wander. He quickly zoned out, vaguely thinking about how soft Matteo's hair was or something of the sort.

This is why he didn’t realize that Matteo had brought himself closer to Missouri’s face. Missouri only snapped back to reality when Matteo did something utterly unexpected.

He kissed Missouri on the cheek. It was a soft and short kiss, but that was all it took for Missouri’s composure to finally break. 

His face went redder than it ever had before, and his heart nearly pounded out of his chest.

Why would Matteo ever- why had he- what. There was no reason for him to do that, as far as Missouri knew. 

He tried to say at least a few words, but all that came out was flustered gibberish. He glanced over at Matteo in a panicked confusion, and saw that Matteo had fallen asleep. He was sleeping peacefully, and even snoring quietly.

Aight. Matteo had just kissed Missouri on the cheek and passed out. Neat. Neat neat neat.

Missouri took in a shaky breath. He didn’t know what to do. He could leave, but he didn’t want to. Not after seeing the look on Matteo‘s face as he begged Missouri to stay with him.

Maybe he should just stay until morning and possibly ask Matteo about the cheek kiss then.

Misaouri sighed. That seemed like the best idea. 

Still, he wanted to scream. He had never expected anything even remotely romantic to happen between him and Matteo and well… 

There was… a legitimate chance Matteo could have feelings for him. What if he did? What would happen then? Would they become a couple..?

No, no, no. Matteo was dating Heather, and he was happy with her. Matteo probably wouldn’t leave her for just his friend Mike…

Missouri closed his eyes and fell asleep to these thoughts, and the visual representation of them plagued his dreams. He woke up the next morning clasping Matteo's hand, nearly panicking.

Wait. He was holding Matteo's hand. They were cuddling. 

The previous night came rushing back to a still half asleep Missouri and his face went red all over again. 

He let out some sort of flustered noise, which is what woke his friend up.

Matteo moved his head and looked at Missouri with a slightly puzzled expression.

“Hi Mike.” He muttered softly.

“Uhm- Hi Matteo.”

Matteo let go of Missouri’s arm and sat upright, rubbing his eye. Missouri could feel that Matteo was a little flustered, but he was to be doing a pretty good job covering it up.

“Why are you here..? Shouldn’t you be at home with your sister?”

Missouri froze for a second.

“Yoooou nearly cried when I went to leave last night, so I just stayed.”

Matteo chuckled softly.

“Oh golly. What else did I do?” He asked, a smirk on his fave and his voice deadpan.

Missouri paused and glanced around the room, then bad at Matteo, considering what to say next.

“Well… you showered me with a lot of compliments, clung to me and wouldn’t let go, and… you- well you-.” 

Matteo’s face scrunched up.

“What did I do Mike?”

“You uh-” Missouri’s felt his face warm up at the memory.

“Yoouuuuu kissed me. On- on the cheek but still.”

Matteo’s face went more and more red as the words came out. He was clearly embarrassed, and Missouri didn’t need to be an empath to know that.

“Oh god- Mike I am so sorry-”

“No no no, you don’t need to be, it’s fine.”

“... you’re not angry?”

“Nope.”

Matteo paused.

“Huh. It’s just that I’ve- y’know, kissed a few guys on the cheek and… stuff before and they uh- theyyyy werrren’t too happy..”

“You’ve what?”

“Nothing important! Don’t worry about it! Haha...” Matteo spat out, chuckling nervously at the end of his sentence. Missouri raised an eyebrow at this, but didn’t say anything more about it. There was a more important thing he wanted to bring up.

“Oh and uh- I’m sorry about running off and disappearing for a year and not telling you.. I should’ve- y’know- told you.”

Matteo visibly tensed. Missouri felt a flurry of conflicted feelings come from him and had to stop himself from reacting to it.

“Mike, it’s fine-”

“No it’s not. I should’ve at least left you a letter saying something like “hey I’m gonna go disappear for a bit don’t worry I’ll be fine!” Or something like that.”

Matteo paused and glanced to the floor.

“...why did you even leave?” He asked, his voice quiet.

Missouri full on flinched at the question. He couldn’t tell Matteo the actual answer. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. It was too dangerous.

He glanced to the floor, just as Matteo looked back at him.

“I- I can’t tell you. At least right now. Maybe- maybe I’ll be able to one day, but not right now. I’m sorry.” Missouri whispered.

Matteo sighed.

“Aight, that’s not too surprising coming from you. Did it have to do with that weird ass job of yours?”

Missouri chuckled.

“Surprisingly not! It was a uuhhhhhh- a...nother thing.”

“Oh. That is surprising.”

“Yeah.”

The two men sat in an awkward silence for a minute or two.

“Soooo… do you want any food..?” Matteo asked, trying to break the silence.

Missouri was about to accept, but he happened to remember that Maine was visiting at that exact moment. 

Shit. She was probably worried because her brother had been out all night.

“Uhhhh- I would love to but come to think of it, Mai is most likely worried about me, so I should probably go, y’know?”

Matteo nodded.

“Oh yeah that makes sense. See ya around?” Matteo responded, his voice hopeful.

“Yeah, of course.” Missouri said as he got up. He waved before leaving the apartment and heard muffled screaming immediately after he closed the door. He considered going to see if  Matteo was okay, but decided against it. He sighed and ran off, excited to tell Maine about last night's events.