#*things being very meh for long stretches of time* *experiencing real happiness for a sec* *back into the black hole you go*
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Every time something good happens I crash and burn afterwards and feel so depressed. I wish it wasn't that way.
#it's probably just that things aren't very good generally and being reminded how it could be for a second makes what's normal extra painful#*things being very meh for long stretches of time* *experiencing real happiness for a sec* *back into the black hole you go*#the contrast is unbearable.#i wish the baseline was better.#it sucks to go to bed feeling sad and to wake up with it being so much worse.#I wish I was better at sleeping because I'd go back to sleep now if I could.#bad side effect of it being like this is that it makes a person afraid of the rare good things because of the black hole that comes after#and I guess it also causes grief because of all the time that's lost to the black hole. Which makes it all the more depressing.#i don't know what to do with myself when it's like this. it's not a state of mind in which I'm able to do anything at all#feelings are always so loud. it's impossible to be distracted from them. task inertia increases by 200%#the day hasn't even started yet. it's 6am. could do with not waking up from sleep because of my entire body feeling the sadness too much#... I'll figure something out. I always do. but I'm so tired.
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