#-muffled sounds of elliott screaming in the background-

[ctrl-lupin]

[componentplanet]

Why the Best Super Bowl Commercials Were All Cars and Tech

Super Bowls used to mean Tom Brady hoisting another trophy along with ads of polar bears drinking Coke on not-yet-melting polar ice caps, that and the Budweiser Clydesdales. Now the most memorable – sorry, memorably good – commercials are cars and tech. Car ads have always been part of the 54 Super Bowls, but in the dotcom boom years “tech ad” meant money frittered away. Remember Pets.com? Agillon? Epidemic.com? All goners. Maybe automakers did a better job because there really are differences among cars. And the tech guys have learned from the money-wasting days at the turn of the century.

Here are the best car and tech ads of Super Bowl 54 (that’s LIV for traditionalists) along with some that didn’t click quite as well, and the best non-tech ad. We’re linking to ads from places (mostly, automaker sites on YouTube) that don’t have ads in front of them because why should you pay (with your time) to see an advertisement in order to see an ad?

The Best Ads: Hyundai Sonata, Jeep Gladiator

Hyundai Sonata Smaht Pahk. Two car ads stood out. The Hyundai Sonata spot for Smaht Pahk was the winner because it was funny, it made fun of a socio-economic group you can always make fun (people from Boston, especially since New England departed the playoffs early), and most of all because it is going to sell Hyundai Sonatas. The Sonata is the most important new car of 2020 (see our review), it is the Extreme Tech Car of the Year, and it’s loaded with standard safety features, virtually all of which are on the base, $26,000 Sonata SE. The top-line  Sonata Limited, $34,000, includes Remote Smart Parking Assist, now being called Smart Park. Hop out, press the keyfob, and the Sonata pahks itself at Hahvahd Yahd, and backs out when you return. If you have a narrow garage in Back Bay or Chahlston, you don’t have to squeeze in and out inside the garage.

Too many Super Bowl commercials are ad agency spitting matches using client money to prove who’s more clever, with less thought given to whether the ad sells the product. The “Smaht Pahk” ad will do just that: Get customers to consider Sonata, and realize a mainstream car includes important new technology.

Jeep / Groundhog Day. This is the other spot that rose above the rest. Bill Murray reprised the 1993 movie Groundhog Day, this time in a Jeep Gladiator, the truck of the year in several autowriter / magazine competitions. It’s funny, it’s nostalgic, and if you don’t know Jeep makes a pickup truck in Punk’n Metallic orange paint and the doors and top come off (you do it yourself), now you do.

The concept of Groundhog Day the movie is weatherman Bill Murray is caught in an endless time loop that restarts each day when he wakes at 6 am to Sonny and Cher’s I Got You Babe, and has to again cover Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. It’s faithfully recreated in the ad, except no Andie McDowell this time. And to Jeep’s good fortune, the 2020 Super Bowl was played on Feb. 2, Groundhog Day. Appreciating this spot probably helped if you’re old enough to remember the movie from when it was in theaters. But if not, you should, since it’s in the National Film Registry for being deemed “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant.”

Amazon Before Alexa. Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi ponder what life was like before Amazon Alexa. The spot borders on slapstick: An 1800s upper-class woman in the parlor tells the maid, “Alexxa, turn the temperature down, two degrees,” the maid takes a log off the fire, tosses it through the window to the sound of shattering glass and a man’s muffled scream. A man in an 1800s city asks the newsboy, “Alex, what’s today’s news?” and he responds, “It doesn’t matter. It’s all fake.” Then in a 1970s Oval Office scene, a Nixon-esque voice commands, “Alicia, remind me to delete those tapes.” In the next room, an admin says loudly, “Yes, Mister President,” then softly, “I ain’t deletin’ …”

Conservatives are probably fuming if they conclude the “fake news” line makes fun of rather than echoes the current administration (hmm, who runs Amazon?), and liberals find it fair recompense for sitting through a patriotism-heavy, pre-game show that did conclude with a touching moment when four 100-year-old World War II veterans took part in the pre-game coin toss, led by Charles McGee, a pilot with the Tuskegee Airman that battled both the Germans and racism.

  Google / Loretta. An old man reminisces about his life with Loretta through old pictures Google calls up, along with a clip from their favorite movie, Casablanca. If there’s a “when they cry, they buy” ad, this is it. It’s going to make everybody wish their parents scanned or at least saved and ID’d their favorite photos for you to scan. Not in the commercial but important to know is that face recognition is getting so good – too good, in China – that the thing that used to hard to do, figuring out who that is in a 50-year-old photo, can now be done automagically.

Old Luxury (Going Away Party) / Genesis. Hyundai’s Genesis division rolled out its first SUV, the GV80, using young and hip Chrissy Teigen and John Legend as they make their escape from old people, oddly shaped dogs, and an old-world mansion into the GV80. From the staircase, she looks down and says, “To old luxury: You had a good run but now it’s time to choose you up a little bit … I give you young luxury.” Teigen then gestures to the open courtyard doors and points to the GV80 that – oops – hasn’t yet pulled up (“Where were you?” she asks driver Legend. “It was supposed to be a thing and you made it not a thing.”)

Never mind that Audi did essentially the same ad – “Old Luxury” (even the same name) – in a 2011 Super Bowl commercial. In this case, yuppie inmates inhabit a faux luxury prison (a mansion in LA) filled with affluent Boomers / Millennials. They unlock the cell bars and make their way toward a waiting car. A guard releases the dogs (showy hounds). When that doesn’t work, he’s ordered, “Hit ’em with the Kenny G,” and as Songbird plays, some refuse to leave while others do. Two escapees make it the courtyard, a Mercedes pulls up (you see the tri-star hood emblem) and one says, “Lancaster, no, it’s a trap,” and Lancaster replies, “Nonsense, my father owned one.”

But the theme works, and has for ages, going back at least to 1988 and “Not your father’s Oldsmobile.” Actually, it doesn’t always work. America’s oldest car brand, the brainchild of Barney Olds, was killed off in 2004.

The Other Car / Tech Ads

Porsche did a creditable job with “The Heist”: The Porsche Taycan EV sports car is spirited out of the Porsche Museum in Stuttgart. Once the heist is discovered, the guards argue / squabble over who drives which museum Porsche to track down the Taycan. That gives the viewer a chance to appreciate Porsche’s storied history and possibly begin to realize the Taycan is a continuation of Porsche history, not a bunch of greenies gone mad. The voices were a bit muffled, especially if you were watching the game with noisy friends, and works much better played on a PC with closed captions running.

A Toyota Highlander ad showed the car does indeed have a lot of room as the driver – 20 years ago this would have been a soccer mom commercial – picks up various people in comic distress from various scenes, ending with her son.

A third Hyundai group (Hyundai, Genesis, Kia) ad was for the upcoming Kia Seltos but more about the inspirational story of Oakland Raiders rookie Josh Jacobs and hard times growing up. It left some people wonder what Seltos is. Answer: The same platform as the subcompact and well-established Hyundai Kona, a bit roomier inside, and shipping this quarter.

T-Mobile and Verizon touted 5G service, which is still a ways off. T-Mobile used Anthony Anderson’s real-life, sassy, talky mom. Verizon essentially said that without 5G, emergency responders won’t get their job done as well.

Microsoft, whose Surface tablets are universally used (mandated) by the NFL, told the story of Katie Sowers, an assistant coach of the San Francisco 49ers. It’s a true story of perseverance and success, but the story was already being told in the two-week run-up to the Big Game.

Audi had an eTron Sportback spot run late in the evening after the kids were in bed, so they missed Maisie Williams singing “Let It Go” from Frozen.

GMC touted the rebirth of the Hummer as an EV in an ad with LeBron James. The Hummer is a ways off, so maybe it was okay to be low-key and laid back. This was not a call to action for hand-raisers.

Scout, the golden retriever owned by Weathertech founder David MacNeil, had his cancer cured at the University of Wisconsin vet school. MacNeil took a 30-second spot lauding the Badger vets and encouraging donations.  Wisconsin hasn’t gotten this much PR since this mentions by Wisconsin alum / Wall Street Journal sportswriter Jason Gay in his column. Nice touch – who doesn’t like retreivers? – and if MacNeil wants to spend six mil in hopes of getting at least that much in donations to Wisconsin, more power to him. Pets cure a lot of human ailments by being there for you.

Tom Brady made it to the Super Bowl (as one of the game’s 100 best players of the NFL’s 100 years) and also was a spokesmodel for a Hulu spot. Amazon promoted its drama Hunters. Quibi pushed its short video service that launches this spring (nothing more challenging than 10 minutes) and hopes you’ll start saying “I’ll be there in a Quibi.”

Best in Show (Non-Tech): Lil Nas X

The hands-down winner among non-tech or car ads was the Wild West dance moves showdown between Lil Nas X and Sam Elliott with Old Town Road playing in the background. (The guy strumming the guitar at the end was Billy Ray Cyrus.) Doritos footed the bill and reaped the rewards, as long as remembers remember it was Doritos and not Bud Light or Axe body wash. And yes, when Lil Nas rides off on a horse with cascading speakers, it pays homage to Sheriff Cleavon Little and the Gucci saddlebags in Blazing Saddles.

Fast and Furious 9: Everybody’s still trying to match Bullitt.

There also were ads that continued through the show, especially Tide Pods, the claim being that if you get a stain on your shirt before the game starts, you can much later wash – remember, wash, not eat detergent pods – and the stain comes out, at which point in the last ad, the guy gets his now-clean shirt stained again. There were plenty of ads for upcoming movies – Fast & Furious 9 (photo), Minions, Black Widow, No Time to Die – and the trailers’ special effects made people glad, or annoyed, they have surround sound speakers.

Fox ran a lot of promos for future programming, including one for the Daytona 500 where stock cars appeared to come onto and arc across the field. Conspiracy theorists will see hidden hands at work when a Super Bowl broadcast on Fox News (actually, Fox Sports, but don’t let facts get in the way) runs the Donald Trump commercial midway through the first period when everyone is watching and the Michael Bloomberg spot didn’t get airplay until late in the extended halftime. Fortunately, Kansas City and San Francisco made it close until the final minutes; three late Kansas City scores made for a 31-20 win. So most viewers stuck around all three hours of the game and J Lo / Shakira halftime.

A few ads got remade at the last minute to downplay or factor out death or helicopters (RIP, Kobe). So the death-and-resurrection of Mr. Peanut spot was pretty bland.

Now read:

5 Lessons From the Death of Frankfurt Motor Show

The Best Cars, Car Tech, and Trends of CES 2020

Best Cars of the 2019 LA Auto ShowDetroit

from ExtremeTechExtremeTech https://www.extremetech.com/extreme/305660-why-the-best-super-bowl-commercials-were-all-cars-and-tech from Blogger http://componentplanet.blogspot.com/2020/02/why-best-super-bowl-commercials-were.html

[theauthorandi]

The Gays™ + Being A Motherfucking Sorcerer

Oliver stared at the top half of the sun as it sunk beneath the edge of the horizon. From where he stood, he could just make out the masts of the half dozen ships coming into the bay.  The fastest ship led the fleet, a rainbow flag fluttering in the breeze.

There, he knew, would be Elliotte.

The impatience that had filled him the past two weeks took over. Oliver snapped his fingers before uttering several Gaelic words in a guttural voice.

"Yes?" Elliotte's voice was static in his ear, but Oliver smiled. The closer Elliotte's ship drew, the stronger the magical communication would become. The wards around their island didn't allow the signal to extend very far, and Oliver hadn't heard Elliot's voice in over two weeks.

"You got it?" Oliver was hopeful but not nearly as concerned as before. He knew El had made it, that his love was finally home safe. If the other man happened to have the artifact with him, that was just icing on the cake.

"You couldn't wait ten minutes to find out?" El asked, voice muffled. Though his words were irritable, Oliver could hear the smile in them.

"Screw the artifact," Oliver replied.

His eyes were still glued to the masts of the ships coasting towards the shimmering blue of the wards. The sun's descent was rapid, setting on the last day either of them would have to be on this dreadful planet.

"I missed you too." Elliotte said. He sounded clearer now, and the better their signal became the better Oliver felt. The resistance was still in danger. They always would be, until they could leave the island, and this world, behind forever. "And yes, I did retrieve it. Hell of a quest to send me on, but I managed it."

"I always knew you would," Oliver murmured. It wasn't true. The night the council had chosen Elliotte to make the dash towards the well-protected sphere was the night Oliver's heart died. Though he was certain El would be doomed, Oliver had never once shown his doubts. He'd only requested to join the questing crew as well, hoping to spend those few short weeks together before the end.

He'd been denied, however. Elliotte had a duty to locate their last chance of survival, and Oliver had a duty to protect those who stayed behind. They all had their roles to play.

"Listen-" El began to say, but a shout erupted in the background and he cut off. "Dammit. Get the wind up now! No, I don't care about the rest of it. Throw it over! Get us behind that ward or we're all dead!"

"El!" Oliver screamed. He watched as, almost from nowhere, a dark cloud began to form in front of the sun.

"Go!" Elliotte ordered someone.

"Fucking stop them!"

"They're gaining!"

"Captain, I can't hold the course."

"Take the artifact," Elliotte demanded of someone else. "I'll slow them down."

"No." Oliver's worst nightmare unfolded before his eyes and he shouted again, horrified. "No!"

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. The Phobes were coming, and they had all the vast power of a dark hatred that no one could outrun. They'd released their "purification" mist and sent it right at the ships that held his beloved. If it managed to reach them, there was no hope left for anyone.

"Oliver, I'm sorry," Elliotte whispered.

Then the magic cut off. It snapped like a rubber band and sparked against Oliver's ear. He jumped and his hand flew up to slap at the sizzle. Before the reason for the disconnect could even register he was on the move. His hands waved in the air, his lips moved a mile a minute, and he almost screamed as he watched the wards move inch by inch towards the ships. Half of the first ship made it past the wards before the mist overtook the fleet.

A broken sob slipped from Oliver's lips as he watched all but half of one ship disintegrate. El was a fighter, and he wasn't about to let the rest of his men go down with the ship unless he went down fighting by their side. There was no way, no chance that Elliotte was on the front part of that first ship. Even if he was, the artifact wouldn't be with him.

Still, Oliver cast the communication charm again.

"Please." He whispered as he worked to bring it back up. "Please, please El."

Behind him, a wail began to rise from the city. There were several men and women who had cast a soul-binding before their loved ones left.  Those who cried out would now see the world in black and white, would know without being told that their husbands and wives were dead.

Oliver hadn't wanted to do the spell, though El had asked him right before he was summoned for the mission. Regret and relief filled him. He didn’t know for certain, there was no finality for him. For Oliver, there was still hope.

"El," Oliver begged. "Please don't do this."

"Ol-" The sound was a garbled whisper in his ear, but that was all it took before Oliver was in the water and swimming towards the edge of the wards. The sounds that reached him were more like drowning than words, and Oliver would not lose Elliotte to poor swimming skills after everything they'd already faced.

As he swam, Oliver promised himself that he would get the other man to shore. He put all he had into his strokes, beating the water with fury. As soon as Elliotte was done drowning Oliver was going to agree to cast that damn soul-binding spell. His arms aching from his fight against the tides, but still he swam. Once that spell was in place, Oliver would make certain he never saw the world in black and white, no matter what. He was a motherfucking sorcerer, after all.

Finding the water soaked captain struggling to stay above the water wasn't hard with the communication spell still buzzing in his ear. He followed the feedback loop until he saw the flailing arms and then it was all a matter of magic to get them on dry land again.

Not that the magic was made easier by the mouthfuls of water garbling his spells, but he had Elliotte in his arms. They'd always done things better when they were together.

Laying in the sand, breathing hard and heart beating, Oliver felt a flood of relief to know that Elliotte had made it when so many others hadn't. Men and woman were circled around, rushing to help others in the water or standing back far enough that they wouldn't have to see face those who had survived. They would be the ones who already knew there was no hope for them. The ones who had lost the power to see the world in color.

Oliver ignored them all, rolling over to casting a diagnosis charm to ensure that his beloved would survive the near-death experience. With careful hands and concentration all of Elliotte's burns and cuts faded, a steady heartbeat tapped out, and through it all Oliver continued to cast.

"Ollie," El said, and at first Oliver didn't hear him. Then the words echoed in the communication charm and he looked up at Elliotte's face. The charm snapped again as it was cut off and the next word resounded only due to how serious Elliotte was. "Enough."

The dark haired man struggled to sit up. He pushed his wet hair from his face and a trail of sand ended up streaked across his forehead.

"Elliotte." A gruff voice called out. The large man that lumbered up to them had a concerned crease in his brow and arms folded across his chest. Beside him stood a tall blonde woman who walked like a ballerina.

"Malcolm," Elliott's voice was hoarse. Before Malcolm could ask, Elliotte slid his hand into his soaking wet capris shorts and drew out a metal orb with blue lines etched into the shining steel surface. "We got it."

"At great cost," Malcolm replied, his voice echoing the sadness that those behind him must be feeling. He reached down and took the orb from Elliott. Raising it, he spoke loud enough for the whole island to hear. "Those who sacrificed will not be forgotten. We will follow the dream they fought for. We will escape into a new land and we will take magic with us. Gather your essentials, the migration begins at midnight."

After that, it was a blur of magic and movement as everyone raced to gather the things and the people they could not bear to leave behind. For Oliver, he remained by Elliotte's side and gathered nothing. They were taking magic with them, and besides that, the only thing he would ever need was the other man.

"Ready?" Elliotte asked as they reached the front of the line where the portal stood open. Their fingers twined as they faced the doorway that showed a forest on the other side. Oliver nodded. He did not look back. He did not care what they were leaving behind. As soon as the entire settlement was through the portal they ripped between their reality and an empty world in another, the orb would be brought through.

Without the orb, this reality would falter. The universe would fail. The inevitable heat death would take out all who remained. And it wouldn't matter. Oliver and Elliotte would have a new life, a life free of the hateful and rotting society that had driven them to destroy everything they'd once loved. They wouldn't waste a thought on this universe once they'd gone through. They would build a home in the trees and cast the soul-binding ritual and forget the terrible tragedies they had faced.

Finally, they would have a world of their own.

Hey there! Hope you liked this little snippet into the world of magic and discrimination.  If you’re interested in seeing more Cards Against Humanity Promptsfulfilled check out my website. If you have any CAHprompts to submit, send me an ask. And as always, if you’re looking for updates and interesting stories of The Author’s life, subscribe to my email list!