#-out of what is a horrible situationship THAT DEFINITELY DIDN'T HELP. with someone I was really close with in middle school and like I- | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

buysomecheese · 8 months

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FUCKED UP THAT SOMEONE CAN SEE THEIR FRIEND IN A VULNERABLE POSITION AND THEN USE THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE!!! FUCKED UP THAT HE WOULDN'T TAKE KINDLY TO HIS OTHER FRIENDS HELPING HIM GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION SO WE CAN'T HELP AS MUCH AS WE'D LIKE TO. FUCKED UP THAT SO MANY GOOD THINGS WILL BE TAINTED FOR HIM NOW. FUCKED UP THAT HE'LL LIKELY BE SO CLOSED OFF TO EVERYTHING NOW BECAUSE OF THEM!!!!!

#went to bed angry and woke up angry #yesterday was so good because I love my friends but so bad because. this situation makes me so sad.#it's so sad when my friends fucking hate themselves.#and it's a different hate than it was when my friends hated themselves in middle school #like I know how to deal with that sort of self-hatred but this is Different.#and I need to help differently but I don't know How #it's quiet and constant and just little comments that could almost be missed but.#those of us who Did hate ourselves in middle school (loudly and sporadically and yelling about it in the hallways)#we see this quiet hate and I don't know what to do. nobody has ever known when I've hated myself quietly and I don't know what would've-#-helped me so I don't know how to help them.#how much can I hold them until it's uncomfy. how much can I tell them I love them until they stop believing me.#it doesn't help that they're Men. I get how men feel this sadness but I don't know how they can be helped with it #(because again I was never helped with it. I'm so good at helping my Women friends but my Men friends I don't Know what to do)#it's not fair that they're so beautiful and kind and funny and attractive and they can't see that.#and I can't like date them to make them see it because I'm not good for a relationship and one of them is straight and the other just got-#-out of what is a horrible situationship THAT DEFINITELY DIDN'T HELP. with someone I was really close with in middle school and like I-#-didn't Raise them but I was more present and helpful than her parents in middle school and I feel like I raised him.#and I raised him better than this better than hurting your Close Friend by taking advantage of him. using him for the attention your real-#-parents wouldn't give you. leave him the fuck alone.#and like the situation is over but the effects are still present. and will be for a long fucking time.#I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN BE INTIMATE WITH SOMEONE AND NOT LEAVE THEM FEELING BETTER ABOUT THEIR BODY.#I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN SEE SOMEONE BE SO LOW AND LEAVE THEM THERE. OR BRING THEM DOWN FURTHER.#NOBODY EVER LEFT YOU WHERE YOU WERE UNTIL YOU GAVE US NO OTHER CHOICE. AND EVEN THEN WE KEPT TRYING TO BRING YOU UP.#BECAUSE YOU WERE OUR FRIEND AND WE LOVED YOU. AND WE EXPECTED YOU WOULD DO THE SAME.#HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS. NO HE HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN PERFECT BUT HE WAS IN-#-MIDDLE SCHOOL. HE WAS A BABY WE WERE ALL BABIES AND WE ALL GOT BETTER. AND YOU DID NOT AND YOU MADE THAT HIS PROBLEM.#maybe you just didn't fucking listen to anything he's ever said maybe you were too busy thinking about how you could use him.#but he cares so much for you and he shares himself with you and you don't notice how much he hates?#AND THE TRUST ISSUES YOU AND ANOTHER PERSON WE USED TO HAVE INSTILLED IN OUR OTHER FRIEND.#HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DATE AGAIN WITHOUT BEING SCARED OF WHAT SHE MIGHT SAY ABOUT HIM.

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