#. under the readmore bc idk how people feel about this - could be triggering

[eohachu]

;

god no one will ever let seonho die 😭 why won't someone just let him

[a-flickering-soul]

do kylux for the ask meme 😳 you + me = mental illness

i love you so much for sending this in this truly is the mortifying ordeal of being known

putting this under a readmore because it is LITCHERALLY 1.2k words because i am literally clawing at the walls of my enclosure about these two

ANYWAYS go ahead and send me a character and i’ll give you some headcanons bc im having fun doing these!!!

Kylo Ren

Sexuality Headcanon: ambiguously queer. Don’t make me think about him having sex he makes me so angry

Gender Headcanon: he Must be a cis man. He has so much mommy issues. He is such an incel. He is so full of toxic masculinity. He must be a cis man.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux. Every single angle you take this ship from it’s funny and good. Canon—they hate each other and want each other dead. AU—they still hate each other but they’re (probably) less fascist and genocidal. It’s just so funny. They are so obsessed with each other. They gaslight each other into love confessions. It’s unreal. I’ve been thinking about Kylux for the past month and I feel like an entire geological age has passed. You can tell I’m a Kylux shipper and a R*ylo anti because I almost exclusively refer to him as Ren instead of Kylo. The gay angel went to superhell for Kylux to go canon in Lego Star Wars (twice) and a kids’ comic book. God mocks me to my face.

A BROTP I have with said character: This got literally shot to shit but post-TFA when a bunch of people headcanoned Rey as Luke’s kid and she and Ren were cousins and he reluctantly babysat her because he was literally ten years older than her (hhhhh.) and they had this weird mildly-contentious relationship as adults where they grudgingly acknowledge they are both the most powerful Force users in the galaxy and are the only ones who mutually understand the legacy they bear and care about each other but also cannot be in the same room together and hold a civil conversation for more than five minutes before resorting to uncomfortable silence. Like when you’re at a family reunion and you’re automatically shunted with the only other kid around your age so you have to make conversation but you are just so fundamentally different there’s nothing to talk about. Unreal.

A NOTP I have with said character: Hhh. R*ylo. I’m one of those evil lesbians who hate that ship viciously and one of my dreams is to be one of the mean antis that that bully a shipper in a story that’s clearly exaggerated or made up and then get cancelled for having good taste.

A random headcanon:  I think he and Phasma used to spar a lot. I keep thinking about the five years he spent on the Finalizer pre-canon and I can’t reasonably justify the Knights of Ren hanging out with him for the entire time on a literal military ship and I like the idea of them being the only people that are reasonably on par physically (I also like how Phasma is an inch taller than him because....whew).

General Opinion over said character: God. He drives me wild. I have a lot of thoughts about him and how good he was in TFA and the pre-canon comics/novels as a really fucking good example of a morally-conflicted villain (especially the comics where it made it really clear that he was very much manipulated and gaslit since like…ten years old). Like! The way he could flip at will from drawing strength from both the light AND dark side of the Force is just!! So cool! The way his strength literally derives from moral conflict is just really interesting to me but….idk the way post-TFA he was thrown into a redemption (Rendemption) arc that hinged on Rey being a literal genuine fascist sympathizer made me just really disappointed. He had a lot of amazing potential to be either a really interesting semi-redeemed Byronic antihero OR a full on unhinged animalistic power-mad villain that Rey has to mercy-kill like a rabid dog. And then. Well. Yeah. I like him a lot in very specific contexts and flat out hate him in most others.

 Armitage Hux

Sexuality Headcanon: gay! He is gay! I have an entire list of reasons why he’s gay and it grows daily! Without a doubt a homosexual! Gay and repressed!

Gender Headcanon: Also a cis guy even though I still do have a lot of half-formed thoughts about gender in the First Order/post-collapse of the Empire society.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux! Again! I’m obsessed with how obsessed Hux is with Ren. He hates him so much it’s unreal. I keep reading the novelizations and thinking so fucking hard about how consumed Hux is with hatred for this one man. He’s so repressed. He’s so damaged. It’s unreal. The brainworms in my head have metamorphosed into moths and they’re flapping their wings so hard they’re disintegrating my grey matter. I think near-daily about how he personally went down to retrieve Ren from the collapse of Starkiller Base and yet would not touch him to drag him to shelter in the Hux graphic novel. Would you take off your glove to check his pulse or would you attempt to feel it through the leather and touch something’s dead skin rather than his living warmth. I’m so deeply unwell.

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phasma!!! The way they are on first-name terms with each other….the way one of the few times in the graphic novels you see him smile is when Phasma comes back onto the base…..the way they plotted to kill Brendol together….truly evil mlm/wlw solidarity you simply love to see it

A NOTP I have with said character: Oof I see a lil bit of shipping him with Resistance members (I think I’ve seen him with Rose and also Poe??) and I know TROS made the decision to have him defect from the First Order (out of. again. his obsessive hatred with another man. writing choices.) but it makes me INSANELY uncomfortable seeing people of color being shipped with a literal fascist parody of British colonialism and imperialism lmao like….just ship Kylux bro they’re mutually bad people AND a power couple

A random headcanon: Frankly at this point I joke so much about how much like a sick Victorian orphan he looks like that I could write an entire fake medical file for him but I’ll spare you all and simply say that I am incredibly partial to the headcanon that Hux is a freak that bites string cheese instead of peeling it like a normal person. Also…the implications that he Personally placed the tracker in Ren’s belt rather than someone else, so that he alone could keep tabs on him…..I’m unwell. Enough.

General Opinion over said character: If Ren is a character I love to hate, Hux is a character I hate that I love. I just. I can’t stop thinking about this gay little war criminal. It truly, genuinely baffles the mind how much information there is about him. It triggers that same little part of my brain that goes wild over like. ARGs and stuff. There’s just so much lore. With every new piece of canon or semi-canon information I learn about him I can feel my grip on sanity slipping. He owns a black robe. He has a personal hitman in the First Order ranks to poison people he doesn’t like. He drinks tea. He’s a bastard son. He’s great with kids. He was in charge of a squad of feral orphan child soldiers at five years old. I just. I just don’t get it. I’m enamored with him. His compulsive attention to grooming. His hubris. His ambition. How literally unhinged he is (the “rabid cur” line genuinely lives in my head rent free). The way he systemically killed every single person who saw him weak and abused as a child. There’s just so much to talk about with him. He’s so evil. He’s so fucked up. I love him so deeply. He is such a horrible person and he is so fun to make fun of and he is so fun to think about. God wants there to be a bullet in my head so badly.

[anyoldfandom]

Idk this might not apply to anyone else, but I personally feel like the appeal of names that are just nouns to my nonbinary ass is just. Based on how I perceive regular gender neutral names.

Like, obviously, if you find comfort in a gender neutral typical name, hell yeah! You do you, I'm not trying to change that I just wanna articulate my feelings. And a warning, I'm gonna be putting this under a read more but this does include talking about some gender neutral names in a binary fashion. If that triggers any gender dysphoria, that is absolutely not my intention (nor is it my intention to attempt to "invalidate" these names in any way).

I also wanna say above the read more that no name is more or less valid for your gender than any other. Whether they be stereotypical gendered names, gender neutral, or names that are just words, your name is you, and that's what matters.

I also encourage that if you do enter the conversation (bc I'm open to a conversation!), you also put all potential dysphoria triggering language around certain names under a readmore.

I just think part of the reason for me that these names don't really "work" is like...they seem less genderless names and more names that could go for "either" gender. Like to me, the implication of hearing Sam is Samuel or Samantha. Obviously it's not the same for everyone, but. I feel like there's an expectation on those names, and I don't want any expectations. I just wanna be me.

Which is why I think names that are just words appeal so much. Because they're something new. And, obviously, there's the expectation of being a "goofy" nonbinary person (AKA the assumption that you aren't taking your gender seriously), but that's better to me than an expectation of playing a specific gender role.

Rock isn't a girl or a boy, Rock is Rock. Stream is a body of water and also gives absolutely nothing away about any binary identity. These names feel almost powerful, because they aren't held down by the idea of being traditional and thus being traditionally associated with a gender.

Maybe it's just me, maybe other nonbinary people feel it to. Maybe I'm just rambling into the void, who knows.

[audiovisualrecall]

ok so the whole rambly idea thing under a readmore:

a cacw/post-cacw fixit of the 'steve and tony see how the cw was solved in another universe/ how things could have gone instead' plot variety. but instead of the lesson being 'tony didnt side with the accords and so everything was magically wonderful in this universe!' it's more... 'steve listened when tony spoke, when rhodey spoke, when vision spoke, steve came to tony instead of telling sam they can't trust him(?), and steve tried to compromise, tried to save bucky and do what was right for the team and 117 countries' - i guess with or without having told tony months ago abt bucky and tony's parents. (note that its not all steve, i love steve, i dont hate him, i just think he’s stubborn and self righteous, speaking as someone who is also stubborn and self righteous!! who also makes mistakes that hurt friends, and also has been hurt by a friend before. so yeah. anyway it’ll be more nuanced in the actual story if i ever actually do write something heh)

and everything is better EVEN IF steve still lied to tony and tony still got triggered and went after bucky and steve, bc the accords werent mixing with the anger over that, bc steve isnt a fugitive maybe, bc steve and the team stay in the us and aren't locked up in the raft? or they are but tony breaks them out and gets ross fired from the position bc the raft is not part of the accords? or something. anyway either way it means tony and steve have time to...deal with things? like t'challa still sneaks bucky away to wakanda, tony agrees he doesnt trust ross w/ bucky and if wakanda is an option now...also tony easily admitted he was still MAD as hell and upset and pissed and doesnt want to see steve for a while, so they..avoid each other...

but tony also admitted that he understands, ok, he's calmer now, his head's ok, he doesnt want to kill barnes, he gets it wasnt his fault, and he gets it wont bring back his mom. but its like with that mom who blames him for her son's death. she's still allowed to feel that way, and he feels guilty just like he's sure bucky does over his parents, and he's still allowed to hate barnes for right now. he'll forgive steve in time, and he'll see...maybe in the future he'll be ok with bucky being...around, if at some pt he can be around instead of hidden in wakanda or in cryo. but not rn. anyway so that whole thing happened in the past for the alternate universe steve and tony, and mcu stony find this out when they get transfered there...but i mean, what can they do? they cant change what already happened in their world. they cant change that steve is a fugitive, that he didnt listen to tony or the others, that he was stubborn and self righteous and didnt consider 117 countries and accountability to people....etc...

okay, so maybe its not about changing the past in their world. they cant do that unless someone has the reality stone and ehhh messy. (other option, tony or steve has the gauntlet and absently wishes that things were different and the gauntlet creates a different reality where things went gr8, so they have to end the reality, defeat thanos, and fix things the hard way. or something. idk). so yeah, it's not about fixing their World, it's about fixing their Relationship, more. like, this is what could have happened, and in this world you're happy and in love, now go home and make things work better, work together, work on forgiveness and trust and apologies and just working on everything? something like that. learning and trying.

ANOTHER option that i also like is...it takes place BEFORE cacw. they're put in this other world where everything worked out the best possible way, or maybe they're shown 3 ways it will or may or could go - the canon future, the ideal au, and the worst case scenario au? maybe? or maybe they're just shown 2, or something. anyway, so the point is to learn from those worlds and get things to work out how they do in the ideal outcome version, to work together, and trust each other, and apologize, and work on things, and compromise, and understand. and they go home and do so. and things turn out better. maybe exactly like that ideal au, or maybe a little different bc those are each other universes? or something. or the ideal au is just one possible future, rather than a different world. idk. OPTIONS!

[gh0stpkmn]

ok sorry for droppin rambly shit in the yooran tag again but! ok. headcanon:

while happy supportive yooran where they’re instantly bffs is so Good and Pure, i feel like another possible way they could start out is.... they Dont like each other at all. they’re almost enemies. they have beef. 

putting this under a readmore because its Long sorry. also a link to the beginnings of a fic for this.

(i feel i should mention that i wanted to include the inevitable Rika Conversation™ where saeran is having a relapse/regression moment and slipping into ‘Unknown’ territory bbbbut that seems a bit too heavy and doesn’t really fit in anywhere here. that could be a separate post or ficlet idk)

OK SO. How does this dumb thing start?? let’s set this scene

so... while it’s unlikely that saeyoung would let saeran interact all that much with the rfa until he feels he’s ready (maybe around time of the little rfa get-together in secret ending 2) i’m imagining a scenario where... yoosung is briefly at the bunker.

i wrote this interaction in a lil’ drabble bbbut idk if i’ll write everything as an actual fanfic.

  it’s HERE if you want to read it tho!!!!

ok. after this exchange yoosung is just suuuuuper taken aback. he tells himself to brush this off because, again, saeran has been through some shit. he’s probably just not used to people yet. deep down though, he feels kind of hurt and offended.

saeyoung probably just. interrupts to diffuse the situation or smth and tell yoosung that maybe he should leave. apologizes for his brother’s behavior blah blah blah “he just needs time to adjust to everything.”

but. it keeps happening. and the weird tension from their first meeting kind of just.. carries over into their next interaction. and the next. and the one after that

it’s at a point where saeran is less aggressive, less abrasive... he’s just very shy and withdrawn like we see in secret ending 2. he talks in the messenger sometimes, but not often... but when he comes to the chatroom and yoosung is online, he logs out. at rfa meetings / get-togethers, he avoids yoosung

because yoosung is exhausting to be around and he Cant deal with it...(saeyoung is too but he has to deal with that 24/7 anyways)

gradually, saeran opens up to the rfa a little more. he talks a bit more in the chat. sometimes tries making a few jokes. he comes to most if not all the rfa events with his brother. and obviously he’s way more comfortable around his brother and mc, but also he’s on decent terms with the other members.

except. for. yoosung!

now he’s not actively avoiding yoosung, but not making any attempt to talk to him either. if they have to talk at all, interactions are very brief and stiff and uncomfortable. they tolerate each other, but barely. 

eventually saeran starts making little comments now and then? like. they’re probably stuck together working on an rfa thing, or yoosung is over hanging out with saeyoung and saeran passes by to the kitchen or to say smth to saeyoung IDK. they have moments where they’re forced to spend time together, and it’s just very very tense.

and at this point Yoosung is Annoyed!!! because saeran is so rude and won’t even try to be friends with him. what an asshole. god.

he gets even angrier when saeran starts making little quips at him. little tiny comments every now and then and they’re not always outright rude or mean but.... his tone is very Deadpan and kind of sarcastic... sometimes he will be rude and mumble a complaint abt yoosung to himself or mock him under his breath, which yoosung hears and gets mad and huffy about

the Last Fucking Straw is at an rfa event of some kind. maybe a party?? yeah. yoosung walks in, ready to have a fun time with his rfa family. he is So prepared for the party and in a great mood. he’s greeting them, everyone is showing up and greeting each other. and then he turns his head 

and sees saeran standing there, blank faced. and before yoosung can force himself to be polite and say hello, saeran just says, deadpan

“your roots are showing”

YOOSUNG IS DONE!! He’s so pissed off!!!!! he fucking knows his roots are showing! he’s been so busy with school that he hasn’t had a chance to touch up his hair in a while. he can’t even bring himself to ignore the comment and try to be nice, he is d-o-n-e. 

his face gets so red, and his fists ball up, and his shoulders tense and he explodes 

“Saeran, what the HELL did I ever do to you??? Why are you like this? I’ve been nothing but nice since we met, but you’re always so damn rude!! What’s with you? Why can’t we just get along and be friends?”

he’s embarrassed at himself but more pissed off that saeran isn’t saying anything. his expressed has barely changed, but he’s blinking at him and looking maybe just a little confused, tilting his head a bit

nd he’s like.

“we are friends”

yoosung is. So confused. SO FUCKING Confused. 

“what? but you hate me!”

“um. no.”

“but you’re always mumbling under your breath that i’m annoying! you say rude things and mock me!”

saeran just. shrugs. avoids eye contact and shove his hands in his pockets.  he says “you are annoying” like it’s a fact and kinda. walks away to go do other things

yoosung is left there confused and frustrated but not as mad as he thinks he should be

OK and like? insight into saeran’s side..... saeran’s annoyance w/ yoosung just gradually fades away as he gets better and opens up to people, but he feels weird at first doing a complete 180 and treating yoosung super friendly. part of him also isn’t ready for yoosung’s dramatically cheerful “gosh i KNEW we could be friends” and big hugs and all that

also because.......... he likes seeing yoosung huffy and frustrated. it’s really funny to him. he likes it? a lot more than he probably should to be honest. and at this point he just automatically considers them friends. at least in his mind? idk. his thought process is like “i don’t totally hate them and i think they’re okay to be around so... friend.” 

as for the roots comment he made?? it goes a bit deeper than all this fluffy silly stuff. like... for saeran, it’s really easy to trigger flashbacks or panic attacks for him? so many little things remind him of his mom or mint eye, rika, etc. it’s hard... i feel like there’s some vague discomfort he feels around yoosung when he’s reminded about how strongly yoosung cares/cared for rika. 

and it’s easy enough to keep it under control because yoosung doesn’t talk about her that much anymore, bbbbbut like. sometimes... saeran remembers someone mentioning that yoosung dyed his hair to be closer to rika. they don’t really look alike (bc she was adopted if i remember correctly?) but the blond hair and the significance behind it can get to him sometimes. 

so when yoosungs natural roots start showing he is... really relieved? really happy too tbh. bc he kind of maybe sort of genuinely likes hangin around w yoosung! and now he can see that little sign that he really is his own person, not just some kid who idolizes (idolized?) the person who abused him. ye.

anyways from here on saeyoung probably teases yoosung when yoosung asks him what the Fuck is going on w his brother. he’s like 

“lol how did you not notice that he likes being around you? it’s so obvious. he wouldn’t do things like stay in the room while we’re playing games to stare at the back of your head for 3 more seconds if he didn’t like you!! come on, dude.”

(yoosung didnt notice that tho whoops)

and “the teasing or whatever? pissing you off? holy shit dude that makes it even MORE obvious that he’s chill with you”

yoosung stays confused until he decides to talk to saeran about it and they start like. actually having proper conversations. and hanging out. and they both feel pretty awkward at first but their relationship gradually develops until they’re really good friends.

and then eventually, really good boyfriends. whooops.

that’s it’s own post altogether tho so i’ll leave it at that

if ur reading this, thank u for bearing with me thru my rambling. god.