#... and gifted us with a plethora of animated films that are still being made to this day.✨✨✨

[stargazerlillian]

Okay, so "Once Upon a Studio" was cute... and I may or may not have felt like crying a few times while watching it...

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Never have regrets; Joe Mazzello x reader

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well here I have another Secret Santa gift. As a part of the Get Down Give Joy giveaway I would like to present @stewielover95​ with your fic. Yes dear I am your secret Santa. I really hope you like this fic in the end, I struggled with it at first but then I finally had a good direction to go with it. Anyways I also want to thank @warriorteam1924​ and @thosequeenboys​ for creating this splendid give away, after the LONG AND HELLISH year that 2020 has given us, it was very sweet of them to create this little give away to brighten up our holiday spirit (esp. since we can’t really see our families this year. Even if you can, PLEASE BE SAFE!!!). Now I’ll stop typing so that you all can start reading, hope everyone enjoys this lovely little fic with our beloved dino boy Joey Mazzello :) 

Warnings: Joe’s chaotic child behavior (MAY CAUSE CAVITIES), fluff, parental angst, parent death, mentions of suicide, a small very subtle HINT of COVID (word isn’t mentioned but still think I should give warning), 

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@ixchel-9275​

@simonedk​

@queensdivas​

@queen-paladin​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@wormzteef​

___________________________________________________________

I was peacefully sleeping.  After working long hours at my job I wanted nothing more than to just stay in bed all day and sleep until lunchtime.

“Hey baby~” Joey’s voice cooed in my ear.  I felt him kiss my cheek and I let out a tired groan. “Good morning.”

“Joey!” I whined. “Go back to sleep.”

“No. The sun’s awake, so I’m awake. Which means we have to snuggle and make out.” I cracked an eye open and looked up at him.  His auburn hair all messed up from his constant tossing and turning that he does in his sleep.

“We’ll make out when the rooster crows.”

“But babe there aren’t any roosters in New York.”

“Exactly.” He faux a gasp as he collapsed back on the bed.

“How could you? And I thought you loved me?! I knew it. You’re only in it for the money! Or the childhood fame crush! Or was it for Ben? It was for Ben wasn’t it! I knew you two were having an affair behind my back!” god he was such a drama queen.  But he was my drama queen.

“Yes we’ve been sneaking in text messages behind your back.” I teased him.

“Okay that’s it!” I then felt him wriggle himself under the covers and I felt myself go from my stomach to my back in a split second.

“Joseph Francis Mazzello III! What the f—NO AHHH NO DOHOHOHN’T! DON’T TICKLE ME!!” I thrashed around trying to get him off of me but he had me pinned right down to the bed.

“You gonna get up now?” I heard him say from under the covers.

“JOHOHOHOE!!!” I screamed out in laughter. “Plehehehehease!”

“No not until you either say you’re gonna wake up. Or until I hear an apology.” Then I heard the dreaded sound and feeling of his deadly raspberries being blown on my stomach, just an inch over my bellybutton.  And it was even worse now that he was growing out his beard.

“Okay! OK! OK! OK! OKAY STOP! I surrender! I surrender!” his head soon peaked out from the covers as his face was just a few inches away from mine.  His shit-eating grin spread across his face, while his eyes twinkled with that same mischievous spark that made me fall in love with him. “I hate you.” I whined.

“Aww and I hate you too.” He moved closer to my lips and kissed me. “I hate you—so much.” His voice lowered down as he deepened the kiss. I felt his hands cup the sides of my face while my arms wrapped around him.

My right-hand stroking through his already messy hair while my left wrapped around his back.  After what felt like an eternal make out session, we finally separated from each other and stared at one another.

“Alright you have my attention Joey.”

“Yay!” he cheered softly. “But in all seriousness, we need to get up. We promised my mom that we’d help with the Christmas decorations.”

“Okay. Now get off me yah goober so that we can help her.” He got off of me and I sat up but I was quickly pulled back onto the bed, laying against Joe’s chest.  Him grinning smugly at me as he kissed me on the lips.

“Sorry, had to get my morning kiss from you.”

“And the morning make out session wasn’t enough for you?”

“Morning make outs and morning kisses are two completely different things.” He told me in that philosophical tone of his.  You know the one you use to make yourself sound smarter.

“Ahh I see. Well thank you Professor Mazzello on explaining the differences between the two.”

“That’s Dr. Mazzello to you. But you are most welcome. Anything for my best student.” I pecked his nose and got back up but found myself being pulled back again towards Joe.

“Joey!”

“Sorry, sorry I couldn’t resist. Okay for real this time, go on. I’m right behind you.”

“Why don’t you go first and I’ll be right behind you?” I suggested.  He sighed and pulled the covers off of us and went to sit up but this time I grabbed his hand and pulled him back onto the bed.  I pecked his lips before taking off out of the room.

We both raced down the stairs and towards the living room when I felt Joey catch me in his arms, pick me up and spin me around.  Laughing manically while he did it.  I myself couldn’t help but giggle when a female voice said.

“Ah-uh Joseph! No horse playing in the house.”

“Sorry mom.” He said as he sat me down.

“Sorry about that mama.” I said.

You see, Joe and I had been dating for practically ten years. We actually met through our good friend Rami way back when we were all on the Pacific.  I was part of the costume department, and I was Rami’s assistant costumer.  So whenever he got into Snafu’s character of course he tried to flirt with me and I’d play along off of his character telling him he didn’t have a chance.

Between takes the three of us became thick as thieves and kept in contact.  Then one day when we were all on break, Rami set Joe and I up to meet at the beach so that the two of us could talk to each other.  At the time of filming, Joe and I had been really shy around each other and we both liked each other (of course neither of us had the guts to say it to the other).

But after spending our break at the beach together that’s when Joe made the first I love you confession and—the rest is history as they say. When the three of us reunited for Bohemian Rhapsody and got to know Ben, Lucy, Allen, and Gwilym, our little family had now grown bigger.  And it was after filming a concert scene in Japan (with some help from the actual Queen band themselves) that Joe (yes still dressed as early 70’s John Deacon) proposed to me.

So for 2 years he and I had been married.  Of course like all couples we have our fights and disagreements but in the end we patch through them and not let it run our lives. Oh and I almost forgot, since I had been so close with the Mazzello family throughout our entire relationship, I had the privilege to call Joe’s parents, my parents even before we got married.

“I swear you both remind me of—” that’s when mom trailed off sadly as she looked down.  Joe and I grew sad too as we thought about his dad.

“We miss him too mom. God I—I can’t believe this will be our 3rd Christmas without him.” Joe said as he walked towards his mom and gave him a hug.

“As much as I wish he could be here with us, he wouldn’t want us to be sad on his favorite holiday.” She told us.  She took a deep breath in and cleaned her eyes of her hidden tears. “There now, I’ve got breakfast all ready for you two. Once you’re done, Joseph, I want you to bring in the Christmas boxes from the garage and set them in the living room. (Y/n), you and I will get the Christmas decorations from the attic.”

“Ma’am yes ma’am!” We both saluted.  We went to the kitchen and ate our breakfast.  After that we went to our stations and helped Mama Mazzello with the Christmas decorating.

It took almost all day but we came to a pretty good stopping place today decorating wise.  We put up some of the minor Christmas displays up all over the house (like small animal plushies, Christmas pictures of the Mazzello family throughout the years, etc.) Joe managed to get all the outdoor decorations set up and displayed, and mama and I set up the Christmas placemats on the tables.

It was now a bit past 5pm and it was pitch black outside. Joey and I were cuddled together on the sofa and I looked out the window and shook my head.

“I still can’t get over the fact that it gets dark at freakin 4o’clock now.”

“I know it’s crazy. My mom’s never liked it, have yah mom?”

“Oh it messes up my schedule everytime!” Mom cried out from the kitchen as she was prepping dinner.  “Hey (Y/n) are your mom and Derek still coming to the party?”

“Yeah. They said they’d be taking the train from Virginia instead of the plane. I think they said they’d be coming up sometime next Wednesday. I’ll call them later tonight to confirm that.”

“Alright well I’ll get the guest room set up for them.”

“You know you don’t need to do that.”

“Nonsense you guys are family. And it’ll be a lot safer here at the house than taking a hotel room with everything that’s going on.” She said.

“Yeah that is true. Thanks mama.”

“Okay well come and make a plate you two, dinner’s ready.” We stood up and got our dinner (steak and potatoes) and ate at the dinner table while playing on Freeform’s 25 days of Christmas was the Santa Clause.

Weeks later and it was the day before the Mazzello Christmas party and arriving in less than an hour was my mom and Derek.  If your curious as to why I call my dad Derek, well he’s not really my dad. He’s my stepdad but I really do care for him.

He and my mom met up shortly after I graduated from high school after my parents divorced.  My real dad and I…well—we don’t talk at all.  Our relationship is very strained so why don’t we just leave it at that?  But when my mom met Derek, he’s been the father I wished I had.

He’s loving, supportive, kind, funny, and he’s always there whenever my mom or I needed him.  He was there for me when Joe and I were going through a bad patch in our relationship, he was there for all my birthdays and movie premieres, and he was even the one to walk me down the aisle at mine and Joe’s wedding.

I was doing the last final touches of cleaning up the house for my mom and Derek’s arrival, as well as Joe’s siblings, nieces, and nephews. I heard the door open and a stampede of footsteps soon came running towards me.

“Auntie (Y/n)! Auntie (Y/n)!” I was soon glomped by 4 little nuggets.

“Hey there kiddies. Oh I’ve missed you four soo much! How have you all been?”

“I lost another tooth see?” Joe’s niece Samantha said opening her mouth to show me her missing tooth.

“I learned how to ride my bike!” his nephew Matthew aka Matty exclaimed.

“Oh big boy now huh? Bet you were better than your uncle Joey was.”

“I heard that!” Joe called out.  He along with this brother and sister came through the living room and I hugged my brother and sister in laws.

“Hey guys Merry Christmas.” I greeted them.

“Merry Christmas (Y/n).” his sister Mary said as she and I hugged each other first.

“Even though Christmas isn’t until tomorrow.” His brother John said.

“Okay Scrooge. Get over here John.” He gave me a kiss to my cheek and the two of us embraced each other. “Joe’s told me about your little league’s championship win. That’s amazing.”

“Yeah those kids did me proud.”

“You know if you could convince Joe and (Y/n) to hurry up with getting kids of their own, they might give you some new champions.” A female voice soon spoke up.  Soon coming around the corner of the house along with Mama was my own mom as well as Derek.

“Mom!” I whined.

“Now, now (m/n) don’t go pressuring her just yet. There’s still plenty of time for her and Joe to have kids. Say when their 50.” I chuckled and shook my head at Derek’s statement.  I walked up to them and first hugged my mom.

“Did you guys have a safe train ride?” I asked.

“It went well. Much less crowded than I expected.”

“That’s cause you’ve always done the Metro mom. Metro and train are two totally different things.” I told her.  I turned to Derek and he said with a smile as he extended his arms out.

“Come here baby girl.” I smiled and went into his arms and the two of us hugged each other. “Don’t just wait till the holidays to come see us. How will your mother and I survive?”

“I’m sorry Derek, work’s just been crazy lately. Directors have been wanting me to do costume designing and fittings for them left and right.” I said as we released each other from the hug.

“And why wouldn’t they? You’re incredibly talented.” Joe said as he came up and quickly pecked my cheek.

“He’s right. I remember you staying up way past your curfew designing costumes for your tech theatre class back in high school.” Derek continued. “And all those times of drawing on napkins and the corners of the morning paper. I swear you doodled sketches like it was no one’s business.”

“You stayed up pass curfew?” my mother snapped.

“Thanks a lot Derek.” I muttered angrily.

“Hey had to come out sometime right?” I playfully nudged him and said to my mom.

“That’s in the past mom. No need to talk about it now.”

“Oh you can be sure we’ll discuss that later little missy.” She lectured as she waved her finger at me.

“Alright, now the rooms have all been prepared for you all in advance. Mary, John you’ll take your old rooms. (M/n) and Derek the guest room has been made up for you all and of course the kids get the cloud bedroom.” The kids all cheered. “Now everyone drop your bags off in your designated rooms and we can all gather around the table for some dinner.”

I helped mom with her bags and guided her and Derek to the guest room while Joe went to help his mom set up the table for dinner.

“So when can we expect future grandbabies from you and Joe (n/n)?” my mom asked.

“If you keep pestering me about that then you won’t have any grandbabies.” I teased her as we came to the room.  “Here we are, I cleaned it up myself. Hope you guys will be comfortable.”

“It’s great (y/n). Thank you.” Derek assured me.

“Tell Virginia we’ll be down in a moment once we’re finished unpacking.” My mom said.  I nodded then left the two of them to unpack their stuff.

As I came down the stairs, I already saw Joe being attacked by all his nieces and nephews.  The kids were climbing all over him like a tree, all of them talking over the other and squealing like little piglets.  

God seeing Joe with those kids it—really did make me want to have kids with him.  He’s already a fun uncle, I’m positive he’d make a great dad.  Probably spoil our kids to no end but—he could be the discipliner if he needed to.

“Ow! Who’s on the head?!” Joe exclaimed.  I shook my head at his nephew Matty who had half of his body on top of Joe’s head.

“Alright you kids break it up.” I told the kids as I grabbed Matty and held him in my arms.

“Auntie (Y/n), will you sing for us tomorrow at the party like you did last year?” He asked me.

“You bet she’ll sing for you kids. And hey how about we do one better. How would you kids like it if your auntie (Y/n) and I performed together?” Joe asked joyously.  But the kids all let out a groan.

“No uncle Joey you can’t sing!” complained Sammy.

“Excuse me?!” Joe gawked offensively.

“Yeah uncle Joey, you don’t have that good of a singing voice.” Matty agreed.

“And too loud sometimes.” His other niece Katie or as I like to call her Kitty-cat said.

“My own kin turned against me. That’s it you three are in BIG trouble. C’mere!” he went to grab his nieces who quickly ran off his lap and hid behind me.

“Save us auntie (Y/n)!” the girls chorused out.  I shielded the three of them and stood before Joe as his face got right up close to mine.

“You know we could team up and catch them together.”

“I don’t betray kids Joe.”

“So—they’ve turned you too. Fine. I’ll take you down first.” Suddenly he picked me up over his shoulder and proceeded to spin me around and around like a helicopter.

“JOEY!!” I exclaimed through my laughter.

“Then surrender the kids to me or the spinning continues.” He threatened.

“Well then this game’s gonna have to be put on hold cause it’s time for dinner.” Joe’s mom spoke up.  The kids all raced to the dinner table while Joe put me back down. I stumbled a little but he caught me and asked.

“You okay?”

“I’ll live. Just next time don’t spin me around so fast.” I kissed the corner of his lips before heading towards the sinner table with Joe right behind me.  Soon enough we all gathered around and had ourselves a pre-Christmas family dinner.

Soon it finally arrived.  The most wonderful time of the year, Christmas eve.  All the gifts were now placed under the tree wrapped up in various Christmas themed wrappings or color schemes of silver, red, gold, and green. Now it was really beginning to look like Christmas.

“Alright guys, as per tradition we shall start off with (Y/n);s annual Christmas performance.” Mama Mazzello said.  I stood up from Joe’s lap as everyone applauded.

Derek at the speakers ready for my signal for him to turn the first song on.  I nodded and he clicked the play button and soon my first song (in fact the very first song I ever sang back when I was a teen for my family) Faith Hill’s “Where are you Christmas”.

It’s also my mom’s favorite song and every year since I sang it back when it came out in 2000 she’s wanted me to sing it just for her. As I sang I could see the tears forming in my mom’s eyes as a wide smile spread across her face and she lip synched the words.  The kids all stared at me in awe, and my beloved Joe Mazzello he was entranced.

He’s always teased me of how I should be a singer instead of a costume designer and back when we were both involved with Bohemian Rhapsody he’s sworn that he’d get me up on stage with Queen and Adam Lambert to sing with them. Thankfully that hasn’t happened (and I hope it continues that way) so Joe’s just had be do private concerts for him.

After the song was done they all clapped as I told Derek my next song and helped him search the right version of the song.

“This one right here?” he asked to confirm.

“Yep that’s the one.” I told him.  I turned back towards the family and now playing on the speakers was Carrie Underwood’s “Do you hear what I hear?” I fingered the piano chords against my thigh, pretending that I was actually playing the keys (even though I can’t play to save my ass, even with Rami’s help).

That song required a lot of breath work and correct timing but I managed to pull it off and once the song concluded everyone clapped again. This time for the final song, I took out two chairs and set them before everyone.

Joe took this as his cue to come up and help me set up the finale song, especially since he was going to be joining me on it this year. We had been practicing this since November, he wrote the script and everything and we rehearsed it and rehearsed it and rehearsed it.

“For this final song I first want to thank my director and partner Joe Mazzello for writing the script for this little skit you will see.” Joe nodded as he came in with two cups of hot chocolate (his being made of almond milk of course).  The two of us sat side by side and Joe clapped his hands together and said.

“And…..action!” I took a sip of my hot chocolate and said my first line.

“I still can’t believe you can finally drink hot chocolate.”

“Hey almond milk saves lives.” He said his line.

“Personally, I’d never drink that stuff but so long as it helps you. I’m glad I could share this tradition with you.”

“Me too babe.” My phone then dinged and I said.

“Oh my god!”

“What? What is it babe?”

“It’s already pass midnight. My mother’s gonna kill me!”

“Whoa, whoa wait a minute. Don’t tell me you’re going out there!” he said as we both stood up and he gestured toward the window.

“I have to Joey. Even if it’s 20ft of snow out there, it’s nothing compared to the wrath of a mother who doesn’t like their baby staying out past curfew.” I broke the 4th wall and turned to my mom who crossed her arms and looked at me with a playful scowl.

“C’mon just give her a call and explain it to her. It’s way too cold out there for you. I won’t let you freeze out there.” Derek then turned on the song “Baby it’s cold outside” the Seth McFarlane and Sara Bareilles version.

The two of us walking in circles of each other with me trying to head out of the living room and Joe coming around in front of me singing Seth’s part while I sang Sara’s.

Every now and then he’d take my hands in his and giving them a kiss.  Or he’d brush a strand of hair out from my face, gingerly brushing my cheek with the back of his finger.  But just as we got to the end of the first verse, there was a knock at the door.

Joe and I stopped singing as Derek cut off the music and we all turned our attention to the door.

“Mom is—anyone else coming?” asked Mary.

“No.” she simply stated.  Four more knocks rang through the house.  The kids were started to get frightened as they ran up to their parents.

“I’ll find out who it is.” Said Mary’s husband Dylan.

“No, no, no. You just stay with your kids Dylan. I’ll go see who it is.” Derek offered as he left the living room.  After about a minute my mom followed behind him and the next thing I heard was my mom saying.

“What are you doing here!?” it—it couldn’t be.  I raced out of the living room as Joe tried to reach out for me and stop me but he was too late.  I came around and walked down the small hallway staircase that led to the front door and there at the door was someone I hoped I’d never see again.

For there standing at the door in his famed fedora hat was my dad.

He looked older than the last time I saw him, his hair going grey from the stress and wrinkles forming at the end of his eyes.

“I know I don’t have a right to be here, but……”

“That’s right you don’t!” I snapped.  My mom and Derek looked up at me.

“(Y/n) go back upstairs. Derek and I can handle this.” My mom told me.

“(Y/n)?” my dad asked in awe.  I glared at him and crossed my arms over my chest. “Wow look—look at you. You’re……practically grown up.”

“Yeah.” I snapped shortly. “You’d know if you’d pay attention instead of just criticizing me all the time.”

“I know. I……that’s actually why I came here.”

“How did you even know we’d be here (F/n)?” my mom asked.

“Well as part of the NYPD I’ve been—keeping tabs on our daughter. And found out who she married and where she was currently living at.”

“You’ve been spying on me!? Great even when you’re no longer apart of this family you still have to spy on everything I do!” I snapped. “So have you come to complain about my husband now? How I should’ve married a doctor or a cop? How I’ve thrown my life away by marrying an actor?”

“No.” he said. “I haven’t come to do anything like that. I just…..”

“No you know what? Let me start off since you never listened to me then, but you’ll hear me now!”

I walked down the steps and even though my mother tried to get me to go back upstairs, I got out of her arms and got right in my dad’s face and sneered at him.

“For years I’ve tried to be the perfect daughter you said you wanted! And for my childhood I tried to follow in your footsteps. But as I became a preteen you began to nitpick at everything! The color of my hair, what type of clothes I should wear, how I should wear my makeup, you even didn’t like the fact that I wanted to get my ears pierced! Said it was for criminals and goth kids to get their bodies pierced. You called me a delinquent!”

“I-I-I know I did. But now I’m……”

“It doesn’t matter what you have or want to say. The verbal abuse you gave me throughout my life has been nothing but a stab at my self-esteem. I tried to commit suicide by the time I was 16 because of you! You did that!”

“I’m sorry (Y/n).”

“Where was the sorry back then? Where was it? All you told me after I got back from the hospital was that it was my fault for disobeying you.” I once again got in his face and sneered lowly, “So whatever you have to say forget it.”

I turned around and walked up the steps.  As I got halfway up my dad tried to say to me.

“(Y/n) please. I’m trying to make amends for that now. I know I’ve done and said awful things to you in the past. And looking back on it, it’s made me feel absolutely disgusted with myself. I’m your father, please forgive me.  It’s Christmas time.” I lowered my head before turning my head towards him.

“Derek’s my father. Now get the fuck out of my life.” I said lowly to him while I glared at him.  I ran back up the stairs and headed right towards Joe’s room.  I slammed the door and hid myself in the corner of his room, curled myself up into a tight ball, and tried to keep my tears at bay but every now and then a tear fell from the corner of my eye.

I heard the door open and softly shut.  The bed softly dipped down; and the familiar smell of Joe’s cologne hung in the air.

“Please Joe I—I’m not in the mood.”

“I know. That’s not why I came up here though.” I felt him rub my back in soothing circles. “Baby girl, I—I think you should really talk to your dad.” I raised my head up at him, my jaw dropped in shock and my eyes bug-eyed.

“You can’t be serious.”

“C’mon babe it’s Christmas…..”

“So?! I already spoke my mind to him!”

“No. You ranted in anger. You’re not supposed to be angry or any other negative emotion during Christmas.”

“Joe you—” I took a sharp breath in. “I’ve told you what he’s done to me. The neglect and verbal abuse he gave me. How am I supposed to suddenly let it go and forgive him!?”

“I know it’s not easy…..”

“I don’t believe this….you’re actually taking his side!!” I snapped as I backed away from him.

“I’m not! All I’m saying that is if you continue to hate him for the rest of your life, you’ll never be truly happy. Babe please I’m just thinking about what’s best for you.”

Oh my god—it couldn’t be.  He wouldn’t…….

“You called him.”

“What? No!?”

“No. No, no, no, no, no, no, not-it-it-it all makes sense. How else could he pick up this address? That whole detective bullshit you reached out to him and called him up didn’t you!?”

“(Y/n) I—”

“TELL ME THE TRUTH!!” I screamed at him.  Silence rang out through Joe’s childhood room as he and I stared eye to eye with each other.  Not a single one of us flinching or breaking eye contact.

“Even if it was me, as I told you I was only trying to help.”

“How!?” I snapped. “Be thankful your dad died a good man!” At the mention of his dad, Joe’s face grew hard and angry.

“I know. I was lucky. My dad was a kind man, and generous and forgiving. But get this (Y/n), I won’t get to experience that type of father love ever again! And I would give anything to have him back here! To have gotten to know you as my wife instead of my girlfriend! To one day see our children! So be thankful that your father is still alive and healthy!” his voice quivered and choked as his voice got steadily louder.

“Joe, I—”

“All I wanted was for you to make amends with your dad because you never know which day will be your last!” he stormed out of the room and slammed the door shut.

Goddamnit! Now I feel like shit.  I sighed heavily and fell down onto the bed and felt the tears stream down my face.

After calming myself down and cleaning myself up, I walked downstairs and there was my mom, Derek, Joe’s mom, and siblings.  The kids weren’t there so I assume Mary and John sent them to bed after what had happened.

“If you’re wondering where Joe is he left. Didn’t say where he went he just—took his coat, hat and scarf and just left.” John said.

“I wasn’t going to ask that.” I walked over to my mom and said. “Where’s (f/n)?”

“What?”

“Please mom I—just tell me where he went.” I said urgently.

“He told me he was staying at the Milton motel just 15min. away from here.” I raced and grabbed my winter gear and keys.  My mom calling out to me but I didn’t hear her as I got on my bike and took off down the streets.

When I arrived at the Milton, I went up to the front desk and asked to see a (F/n) (l/n), I told the concierge that I was someone close to him. She called him up and told me he’d be down in a minute.

I sat down in the lobby and waited for him to come down.  I heard the elevator ding and soon coming out of it was (F/n).  He turned to his left and when he saw me, his eyes widened.

“(Y/n)?” I stood up.  He slowly walked towards me. “But I thought—”

“First I want to say this before I say something else. You suddenly showing up the way you did was uncalled for. You can’t expect an apology after the years of neglect and verbal abuse you gave me. Even from the smallest little thing about me that I wanted to change, you insulted me to no ends.” I took a deep breath. “And as much as I want to never want anything to do with you again—someone once told me that if I continue to hate you for the rest of my life, I’ll never be truly happy.”

“I’ve looked back on my actions and every day I hate myself for what I’ve done to you. So—will you give me another chance?”

“I won’t forgive you right away and start calling you dad.”

“I’ll take what I can get. Thank you (Y/n).” he extended his hand out for me to take.  For the first time in years I took my dad’s hand and we shook on it.  “Do you want to spend Christmas day with us tomorrow?”

“I’d like that very much. Plus I’d—I’d like to get to know the man that stole your heart.” My eyes widened.

“Joe! Shit I almost forgot! Ohh but where could he be? He could be anywhere!”

“Just a minute (Y/n), let me make a call.” He took out his phone and made a call. “Hey Jeremy, it’s me. Yeah hey listen I know it’s the holidays but I need your tracking skills.” I saw him nod and hum in agreement, “Okay just a second,” he placed the phone down against his shoulder and asked me, “Do you have his number?”

I told him Joe’s number and he relayed that to his friend. Wow I guess he really is a police officer.

“Really? Great. Thanks Jeremy. Yes you have a Merry Christmas too. See you after the New Year. Bye.” He hung up his phone and said. “His cell was last pinged at the Rockefeller Center.” I thanked him and raced out of the motel and back to my bike.  I revved it up and raced on down to Rockefeller Center.

The monument around Christmas time.  I stood before the giant, beautiful tree and raced towards it on foot.  I looked around for Joe till I finally found him on the other side of the two angel statues playing their horns.

“Joe!?” he turned around and looked at me before glaring softly and turned back around.  I raced towards him but he still refused to look at me.  “Joey……I—I talked to him. My dad. And—it’s gonna take some time but I…..I told him I’d give him another chance.” He didn’t respond back, hell he still didn’t even look at me. “I was way out of line. I shouldn’t have accused you like that. I mean, even if you did call him I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I was angry and—those feelings that my dad gave me when I was a kid I’ve tried to bury them for years. And seeing him for the first time in forever it—made me feel like that extremely insecure girl I once was. And I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

Again, he remained silent and stoic.

“And I shouldn’t have mentioned your dad. He wouldn’t have wanted us to fight, especially on his favorite holiday. I’m sorry Joe.” Nothing. Not even a smug Deacy grin. “Joey?” why wasn’t he answering me?

I slowly approached him and everytime I tried to lean forward to look at him, he just turned his head further away from me.

“Joe please? What more do you want me to say? You were right and I was wrong? That Ben should really be with you instead of Gwil? What can I say that will help you say something to me?” he crossed his arms over his chest and huffed at me.

I sighed sadly and looked up at him.  Okay, I get it.  Guess he’s really upset with me and I could possibly expect him to go stay with Rami and Lucy for the next month or so.

“Alright. I get it. You don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I deserve it. I was a real bitch to you. But I just want you to know that I’ll always love you, and that I hope you find the right girl for you. Even if it’s not me.” I turned and walked away from him when I suddenly felt two arms wrap around my waist and pull me up against a comfy coated chest.

“And just what makes you think that I would want anyone else?”

“What?” he gave me a cheeky grin. “Oh you son of a—” I proceeded to hit him in his chest screaming profanities at him.  All the while he kept laughing and holding my arms back.  He then proceeded to peck all over my face with kisses.

Soon my anger turned to laughter as I calmed down and surrendered to his kisses.

“You’re a real jerk sometimes you know that.”

“But you married me in the end right?” I nodded as he once again wrapped his arms around me.  “So you really talked to your dad? Not just yelled at him.”

“Yes. I—even invited him for Christmas lunch tomorrow.”

“Well look at you making progress!” he exclaimed proudly before taking off my beanie and ruffled my hair.  I exclaimed and tried to shoo his hand away from my head.  He chuckled then readjusted my hair to some level of normalcy.  “In all seriousness babe, I’m glad you took my advice.”

“Yeah. I mean like you said, I’ll never truly be happy till I let go of my anger. And I haven’t realized til now just how much that anger has been weighing me down.”

“I could see it every time your dad was even mentioned. I hate seeing you be that angry.” he embraced me from behind, nuzzling his nose into my hair.

“I’m—also sorry about….you know what I said about your dad.” He placed my head over his chest.

“I forgive you. We were both angry and said the first thing that came to mind.”

“But I shouldn’t have spoken ill about your dad. He really was a sweet guy.”

“That he was.” He smiled the smile he inherited from both his parents.

“Like father like son.” I giggled.  He chuckled and took my hand then as we walked back to my bike, we both looked up and saw that snow was starting to fall.

“Well, looks like we’re getting a White Christmas after all.” He said.

“Indeed, just prepare for the avalanche of feet from the munchkin army come morning.”

“Don’t I know it. But you’re also forgetting one other kid.” He looked at me confused. “You yah big man child!”

“Hey you’re just as crazy about snow as I am!” we then proceeded to nag at each other over who was a bigger fan of the snow, even going as far as to see who would crack first tomorrow morning once we’d see the snow on the ground.

[jeonqukie]

SOMEBODY ELSE / 01.

⊰ — SYNOPSIS / After years of working up the courage to confess his feelings for you, Min Yoongi decides to give up and move on from the unrequited position he has put himself in. However, when you discover his veiled attraction towards you, you dwell on what could have been. You find yourself ready to reciprocate the same sentiment for him, only you’re too late when he reveals he has already found someone else. Consequently, you’re lured into a series of meaningless and warped encounters from the one person you swore to avoid.

⊰ — FEATURING / Primarily featuring Min Yoongi and Kim Taehyung; brief appearances by Kim Seokjin, Jung Hoseok, and Park Jimin.

⊰ — GENRES / Angst, romance, mature, friends with benefits, and unrequited love.

⊰ — WARNINGS / This chapter contains alcohol consumption, graphic language, lots of self-deprecating remarks, very mature and sexual content including unprotected (drunk) sex (practice safe sex!), oral sex (female & male receiving), and cre*mpie.

⊰ — WORD COUNT / 14.7k

⊰ — TABLE OF CONTENTS / To be redirected and get the latest on the story, click on the table of contents.

⊰ — NOTES / Hi, all! This is my very first work being posted on Tumblr, so I hope you guys enjoyed it. This fic is heavily inspired by Ross and Rachel’s relationship in Friends, but less comedy and more angst? Feedback and comments would be absolutely lovely! And thank you for reading all the way through, tbh. I would like to apologize in advance for a very poorly written smut scene (primarily bc this is my very first time writing it. I’ll learn, I promise). <3

© All rights reserved to jeonqukie. All or portions of my work may not be reproduced, distributed, modified, or used in any way whatsoever without my permission.

An endless cacophony of your vexing ringtone and the buzzing vibrations against the softness of your mattress interrupted your well-deserved slumber. A small, freshly pedicured foot searches underneath the blanket, but your efforts were fruitless when you can’t seem to find the small device. This ensued you to sit up with your arms scrambling to search for the device screaming bloody murder at the devil’s hour.

“Did anybody ever tell you it was rude to be calling someone at this ungodly hour?” When you swiped the green symbol right across from your phone, you wasted no time to seethe through the receiver. You could have easily declined the call, but there was a small chance that the person may call back, disrupting your slumber again.

A chuckle could be heard from your phone and the familiarity of the voice on the other end alleviated some of the frustration boiling in your blood. “You could’ve waited a few more seconds. But your impatient-ass decided to answer me.”

You fell back on the plethora of pillows, seeking for warmth and comfort. “What do you want, Yoongi? This is the first time in twenty years that I’m finally getting the proper sleep I deserve.” High pitched whines thrummed his eardrums resulting in another sadistic scoff from Yoongi.

“You mean twenty-one years.”

The correction proceeded you to flutter your eyes open. You lifted the small device away from your profile, eyes shooting towards the corner of the screen that indicated it was six in the morning; you were finally twenty-one.

“Happy birthday, _____.” Suddenly, you weren’t so annoyed at your best friend. You were beginning to think that his rude awakening is more of a loving-not-so-thoughtful gesture from Yoongi. “Believe it or not, I actually called your mom to ask what time she gave birth to you. She said 6:30, but - uh, honestly, I can’t wait ‘til 6:30.”

“This couldn’t wait until dinner tonight or something?”

A suppressed snicker came slipping out of your dry mouth when you imagined how your mom reacted at Yoongi’s inquiry. You shake your head in disbelief. His intent definitely brightened your early morning and put a good jumpstart to your birthday. There was rustling in the background and a bit of hesitance at his end of the line.

“Give me a second.”

There was an abrupt announcement in the background that resulted the knitting of your sculpted brows together.

“Hey, where are you? It doesn’t sound like you’re home.”

But Yoongi didn’t respond immediately. Instead, you hear another voice in the background.

“Here’s your boarding pass, sir. Have a safe flight.”

“Yoongi?”

“Y - yeah, I’m here, sorry ‘bout that.” He apologized hastily when he attaches his phone back to his ear.

He was silent after his quick apologies. You were astonished at how your brain had manage to piece everything together.

It made sense why you had an early birthday celebration last night. According to your roommate, it was meant to be ironic with the amount of alcohol everyone brought because you were technically not twenty-one; you were merely twenty-four hours away from being legal enough to drink. However, he insisted on not drinking. According to him, he didn’t want you to feel left out. But that wasn’t the absolute truth; he didn’t want to to drink because he knew he had an early morning. Now, he calls you first thing in the morning to greet you happy birthday because he won’t have time to do it later on - because he won’t be present for your actual birthday.

“I thought you weren’t heading to Korea in like, two weeks.” Your words came out strangled all thanks to the exhaustion from last night’s events.

“I thought so, too, but they’re running on a tight schedule.” The disappointment was evident in his voice and you began chewing on the inside of your cheek out of habit. You know fully well that he regrets having to miss out on the one day you expect him to be present. “I promise I’ll make it up to you when I come back, alright?” You emitted a silent hum, signalling that his absence will be missed but you understood the circumstances. “I gotta go. I’ll be boarding soon. I’ll text you when I land.”

And he was gone. The silence in your room was suddenly taking a toll on you and you found yourself knocking back into deep slumber.

“Happy birthday to you,” All of your friends have gathered in your apartment, singing at the top of their lungs while Jimin began lighting up candles on your birthday cake. “Happy birthday, happy birthday! Happy birthday to you!”

The scene was overtly mawkish; the way the offensively neon pink, plush party hat that has the words ‘happy birthday’ clung to your head, the two-tiered red velvet birthday cake sat right in front of you with rainbow-colored candles pierced right through the top tiered layer. Everyone took pictures and recorded videos of the celebration with your blase profile on full display.

“I hate all of you. I told you I didn’t want a birthday party since we already celebrated last night.” Everyone thought they were stealth planning your “surprise” celebration, but it was so obvious and you’ve repeated it to them numerous times that you were fully aware of their plans.

“Just blow the fucking candles!” Seokjin hollered whilst he held his phone horizontally, filming you in the process.

“Don’t forget to make a wish.” Michelle, your roommate, announced to the entire room to stay silent as you began to contemplate what you really wanted for your birthday.

Your mind went blank.

What more could you possibly ask for? You received your degree in business and psychology, the internship you remained loyal to for months has offered you a promising position at the organization permanently, and you had the best relationship with your friends and family. This was your definition of the perfect life, at least in your eyes - this was the good life.

Yet there was something missing.

You were reminded of the simplistic message he sent you an hour before the festivities.

Just landed. Wish I was there to see the look on your face when they make you wear that birthday hat. Have fun, loser.

You thought it was nearly impossible for your wishes to come true but you still blew the candles and covered your ears as everyone around you erupted in a celebratory roar.

“Alright, I want some cake!” Hoseok ended his recording and shoved his phone right back into his pockets. Michelle’s hand smacked Hoseok’s as he reached for the cream cheese frosting and you cackled way too loud at his reaction. “What was that about?”

“She hasn’t even opened her presents yet, Hobi.” You were already rolling your eyes, insisting that there was no need for presents and everyone should help themselves to the cake right in front of you. 

With that announcement, Michelle began gathering all of the gifts for you while Hoseok was already cutting the cake.

Hoseok gave you a too many pair of socks with cute farm animals on them. Meanwhile, Michelle bought you the most comfortable periwinkle throw blanket for your room. Seokjin opted for the safe route when he bought you a three-wicked vanilla candle from Bath and Body Works. Jimin, on the other hand, bought you something that you actually needed; a protective case for your phone.

As if on cue, the shrill ringtone erupts from the depths of Jimin’s pockets. When he fishes out the device and taps on the ‘answer’ button, he holds out his phone to give the person a good angle of his face.

“Well, don’t you look pretty?” His greeting resulted in you propping a brow up in curiosity as you hear the series of curse words originating from the phone.

“Shut up and give the phone to _____. She’s not answering my calls.” Lifting a middle finger up on his face, Jimin tosses his phone over to you and you catch it at the right time, holding Jimin’s phone on your palm.

“Hey, sleeping beauty.” You jeered when you see the deep bags formed underneath his feline-like eyes. It looked like he had just settled inside his hotel room. It was unusually bright inside the room, then again - it was the day time over there and it was a stark contrast to the dark night sky where you resided.

“Ha-ha, keep that shit up or you’re not getting your present, brat.” Yoongi threatens and you decide to close your mouth shut, pursing them into one singular line. “Alright, Jimin, you can give it to her.”

You placed the sleek phone right next to your slice of cake. Eyes darting towards Jimin who offered you a little rose gold baggie. When you captured the small gift bag on your palm, your eyes took a quick peek inside, surprised to see a plain white, velvet box only to feel your brows knitting into one.

“I said no gifts.”

“Just open it. I don’t got a lot of time.” The urgency can be heard in his voice before you could even fish out the box out of the bag, there was a boisterous knock on his end of the call. “Fuck, alright - I gotta go. Just open it, alright?” Without another word, Yoongi definitively ends the call.

You were too reluctant to lift open the velvet box, but there was the other half of you that instinctively lifts it up only to reveal the shimmering chain bracelet that was nestled inside.

“I thought we had a limit on gifts!” Hoseok whispered harshly into Jimin's ear while they all watched you open the velvet box.

Your soft, pink petals parted slowly when your eyes glistened at the way the charms dangled on the chain. The main charm was a large silver heart. The most notable one was a dog charm that represented your family dog that passed away two month ago. There was an Eiffel Tower charm that clung close to the heart, reminiscing back to when you studied abroad for three months in Paris.

“I’ve always wanted one of these.” You lifted the charm bracelet up to see how it glimmered under the lights. “I told him I was saving up just to get a bracelet and a charm.”

“It must have cost a fortune.” Michelle's eyes widen, offering to put the bracelet on your wrist.

“I told Yoongi months ago about this. I think I only mentioned it to him once. How could he possibly remember I wanted one of these?” When the bracelet was latched onto you, a large smile appears across your visage and, unknowingly, Seokjin was recording your reaction from the side, knowing fully well that Yoongi would love to see you receiving your gift with his own eyes.

“Well, remember back when he was in love with, uh - what’s her face? He bought her those ridiculously expensive earrings that cost like, $200. They didn’t even look cute on her."

For some odd reason, you and Michelle were the only ones who erupted in a fit of laughter over Hoseok’s statements. 

But the room is silent once you and Michelle dwell further on his words. 

All chattering and the sounds of forks clattering on plates came to an abrupt halt when your eyes narrow at Hoseok who resumed shoveling the cake into his mouth, analyzing his supposed harmless statement.

“Wait, what did you just say, Hobi?” When Hoseok reflected back to his previous statement, he stopped chewing on the cake and your eyes shot towards Seokjin who’s eyes were just as wide as Hoseok’s.

“I - I said the earrings didn’t even look cute on her.” He was trying his best to recover from his mistake, but he was failing miserably. Michelle’s brows furrowed even more, eyes darting to every other individual in the room.

“No, Hobi, the in love part.” Michelle’s tone coated with curiosity. It was silent and Hoseok no longer functioned, afraid he would divulge more information that shouldn’t be said. 

“Are you guys saying that Yoongi has a thing for _____?” Jimin’s plump petals pressed against each other in return, knowing very well he cannot lie to Michelle. Your eyes searched for the answers on all of the boys’ faces. Hoseok and Seokjin were avoiding your eyes at all costs, fearing that one look would give the answer away.

Your heart was beating at an alarming rate and it was hammering against your chest too hard. “He’s been in love with you the moment you two met.” You felt like you were drowning with the sudden revelation. It was hard to swallow everything in and your eyes scanned the room; Hoseok mentally scolding himself and Michelle was in the same contingency as you were. 

Meanwhile, your fingers played with each charm that had been linked around your wrist and you could already feel the butterflies clouding your stomach.

“I - I have to talk to him.” You were already out of your seat when you began searching for your phone. You looked like an absolute idiot searching for a device that had been seemingly placed right in front of you, but your mind was in an absolute disarray.

“How exactly are you going to talk to him about this? You can’t call him; he’s probably too jet lagged. You can’t just call him and ask the poor guy all these questions!” Clearly in a state of panic, Hoseok rushed his words out. Nevertheless, you still found yourself pacing back and forth in your quaint apartment.

The beating of your heart starts to slow and your feet finds themselves magically glued to the carpeted floors. The realization finally hit you that you were absolutely fucking oblivious to everything around you. Why didn’t anyone tell you about this if everyone around the room seemed to know about it?

“C’mon, _____. He’s probably going to be too busy to answer his phone calls - you know him.” Jimin, clearly opposite of Hoseok, was trying to alleviate the frantic situation. He seemed to be the one thinking much more rationally out of the boys. This was clearly not the way Yoongi wouldn’t want you to find out about his true feelings for you. He would be utterly pissed at Hoseok for spilling the beans and Jimin was trying his best to convince you to be patient with the situation. 

“What are you going to tell him, huh? Do you even feel the same way for him?” Seokjin, on the other hand, cared less about sugar coating the primary conflict of the situation. His sharp tongue hit you like a ton of bricks with a few set of words.

The warmth of your throat seized up the same way it did earlier. From the way your face contorted in confusion and naivety, Seokjin guided you back to the chair where they placed a slice of cake for you to eat.

“Don’t call him just yet, alright? Just… give it a day when you have a clear mind. You know how Yoongi is.” They were all probably right. You didn’t want to discuss such a serious matter over the phone. You needed to confront him about this in person.

You weren’t entirely sure of how you actually felt for Yoongi.

You love him. But do you love him the same way he loves you?

Suddenly, you’re appraising each memory of Yoongi at a different perspective.

When Hoseok, Seokjin, and Jimin decided to turn in for the night, Michelle offered to clean up the apartment since it was your birthday. As you lay on your bed, scrolling through all the pictures you had saved on your device, you studied the way Yoongi looked at you.

Every single picture that had you grinning ever so goofily onto the lens, Yoongi would stare at you with those eyes. He looked at you like you were some mythical being - as if he can’t believe you actually existed. His candid smile somehow had an effect on your cheeks. They heated up a bright red and you find yourself missing him badly the more you seemed to move onto the next image.

In one picture, you remembered it was Yoongi’s cousin’s wedding. You wore a pink, silk slip dress with a beautiful white rose corsage attached around your wrist. The bouquet of white and light pink roses bundled up in one hand while the other clung so tightly on Yoongi. Your hair had been done messily into a low bun with tiny wisps of hair framing the shape of your hair while Yoongi wore a tight black suit with the salmon tie. The photographer candidly captured your grinning faces when you both walked down the aisle of his brother’s wedding. You can see how your beige manicured nails dug so deeply onto his arm, remembering just how nervous you were walking with heels.

You even remembered when he leaned down to whisper into your ears if you fell, he would fall along with you.

In another picture, your sleeping body is slumped over his frame in the back seat of Seokjin’s van. It was winter break and you were all headed up to stay for a weekend in Michelle’s grandparents’ cabin. His flannel jacket draped over your torso with your face nuzzled onto his neck. Your head in a perfect position for his head to slumber on. What you didn’t notice is the way both of his long arms are slithered around your torso, attempting to keep you warm from the freezing temperature.

The last photo was centered on Yoongi who had his eyes pinched shut, laughing way too hard at the fact that he had shoved a slice of cake towards your face when you attempted to shove frosting over his own. The shock was evident in your face when a smear of white frosting trails from your cheek all the way up to the temple of your head.

Deciding to put your memory dive onto a halt, your hand grips your phone tightly and you hold up your wrist where you still wore the charm bracelet proudly. As you positioned your camera to capture the way each charm embellished your arm, you snapped the picture immediately and sent it over to Yoongi.

Got your gift. I love it. I can’t wait ‘til you come home.

Your response seemed to be ambiguous. At least to you, it seemed to be ambiguous. You were a fool if you continued to deny your feelings for him. You chose not to think of this any more, so you mindlessly sent the message to Yoongi before you lock your phone, forcing yourself into deep sleep, trying to leave behind the idea that Yoongi is in love with you.

“Hey, loser. I just - uh, woke up and I’m having the shittiest headache right now.” His husky laughter tickled your ears and an eruption of goosebumps appeared across your arms as you listened intently to Yoongi’s voice message. “Can you believe my boss actually took me out for drinks the first night we’re in Korea? I’m jet lagged and hungover. Anyway, I’m glad you liked your gift. I - fuck, I can’t think right now, but I don’t think I’ll be able to respond because there’s just so much shit to do.” You hear take a sharp inhale through his teeth; an old habit of his. “I should be home after the week is over then we’ll actually drink as legal adults.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Michelle look at you with a raised brow. “What are you giggling about?” She interrogates as she offers you a bowl of Cheerios with a decent serving of cold milk. You weren’t even aware your mouth sung a series of chortles.

“Uh, it’s nothing.” You locked your phone once more when you begin shoveling scoops of cereal into your mouth.

She nudges right next to you when you see your phone lights up, indicating you’ve received a notification. Both your eyes dart towards your wallpaper; a group photo from your unexpected celebratory bash - the night before Yoongi left. His arms around your shoulders while you had yours clinging onto his waist, the other arm slithered around Michelle herself. Both you and Michelle had your eyes directed towards the camera, but you notice Yoongi’s eyes staring directly at you with his mouth revealing his gummy grin.

“I - I mean, it’s crazy, right? The idea of Yoongi and me… being together.” You weren’t so sure if you were speaking to Michelle or yourself. You began to poke at the cereal, playing with each piece and shoveling them into your mouth in the process.

“What’s so crazy about it? Don’t you guys get mistaken as a couple sometimes? You guys have been friends for like, 3 years; you’ve seen each other at your worst. You get along with his friends, he gets along with yours. You’ve argued before, but found ways to forgive and forget and move on. I mean, you guys are an unofficial couple! Both of you never had the balls to admit your feelings.” Michelle began to explain her observations while you resume your breakfast.

“But what if it’s not what we both expect? What if… we’re just better off as friends? Then, things will be just fucking awkward if it doesn’t work out. People will end up picking sides and it’s -” Michelle was already rolling her eyes at your statement and you were slightly offended she had dismissed your perspective so quickly. “What?”

“Stop trying to delay the inevitable. Listen, _____, if you can look me in the eyes right now and tell me you don’t feel the same way about Yoongi the way he feels about you - even if it’s the smallest possibility, you don’t have to tell him shit and we can all forget about this.” The firmness and frankness that dripped from her voice had you completely frozen. Your eyes dart towards her owns and you instinctively feel your jaw jut forward.

She can see the hesitation in the way your lip remained tightly knitted together. A satisfied sneer appears on her visage when you release the spoon onto the bowl, losing appetite after the conversation.

You’ve accepted the fact that you feel the exact same way about Yoongi.

You cared about him a lot. You cared about his thoughts and his opinions and you always sought for his advice. You connected with him on an emotional level. You were carefree and could reveal your true self around him.

He made you happy.

Perhaps you've always loved him the way he did to you - you were just too blind to see it.

You didn’t really like being at the airport; everything was absolutely overpriced and the service was not even good. Parking was always a pain in the ass and security is strict (for good reasons, but they were still unnecessarily uptight). Surprisingly enough, there were too many children, whining and crying because of the monotonies of the world.

Yet you find yourself ignoring all your hatred for the airport when you hold onto your cup of coffee and another cup for Yoongi.

The flight information board indicated that Yoongi landed fifteen minutes ago and he should be arriving any minute now. You awaited at baggage claim unsure of whether he even had a check in baggage in the first place. But at the corner of your eye, you see him with a beanie on, the face mask covering his nose and mouth as he clutches onto his carry on bag, searching the crowd behind him.

As you pushed through the crowd, you kept your eyes locked on his tired face. Your heart was beating a million times faster than ever and you could feel your chest combust when his eyes lock onto yours. “Yoongi,” You greet him breathlessly. All logical thoughts and processes begin to decimate when he pulls the mask out of his face to reveal his gummy grin.

“_____! What are you doing here?” The excitement painted right across his face. He clearly wasn’t expecting your presence and it made your heart swell by a tenfold.

You pull him into a tight embrace and he returns the gesture tighter than what you expected. You savored his warmth against yours. But the softness of his physique is soon so far away from you. Your brows furrow in confusion when you feel his body separate from you by something - by someone else.

An unfamiliar voice echoes close by. The voice calls out for Yoongi’s name and you pull away from his blissful touch only to see Yoongi turn back around with the same gummy smile back at another figure. “Hey, are we ready to go?” The high pitched voice rings your ears unpleasantly, already hearing the alarm sounds ringing offensively in your ears when you see her reach for his veiny hands.

“Uh, Yoongi?” Your voice sounded so small when you feel his arm disconnect from your frame and link up with the other female’s. “Did I - uh, miss something here?”

“Oh shit, right - you remember Tiffany, right?” The uneasiness began to bubble at the pit of your stomach when you see the smaller frame of the girl cling so closely to Yoongi’s. “She was an old classmate of mine in university. She used to work for my boss back then and - uh, yeah, we sort of got together.” His voice began to fade into an abyss, echoing inside your head.

“You - you mean you two are together?” Your brain was trying its best to piece everything together, but it failed to connect any information together. There was a look of concern on Yoongi’s face when he sees your brows knit together. You took every ounce of your being to hold it all together - to not show any unpleasantries on your face.

“Y - yeah, basically. I mean, we agreed that it wasn’t exclusive. We just had a couple of dates when we were both in Korea, right?” You see Tiffany nod in agreement and you were unsure whether the new information alleviated some of your uneasiness, but you were trying your best to feign happiness for the sake of your best friend..

“Oh my god, that’s wonderful. I - uh, I just - Yoongi isn’t the type to date randomly, you know?” You chuckle as you take in the new couple right in front of you. “I’m really happy for the two of you. Wow! I can’t wait to tell everyone about this!” You sounded so exasperated than pleased about the news of Yoongi’s new love interest.

Tiffany seemed to be, for the most part, satisfied with your reaction. You were really trying to fool the both of them - perhaps even trying to fool yourself that you should be happy for Yoongi. He is your best friend and he has finally found someone. You even found yourself offering to help the new couple with their luggage, giving them both a ride back to Yoongi’s apartment. Your kindness had ultimately fooled Yoongi himself. He seemed to be oblivious to your suppressed emotions.

“I’ll see you at Jin’s tonight? He said he scored some extra steaks from his meat supplier last night. I figured we can all catch up there. I was - uh, planning on introducing Tiffany tonight, if she’s up for it.” Yoongi was walking you out to your car and you began to chew on the inside of your cheek. The regulation of your emotions was wearing you thin and you feared Yoongi may sense the uneasiness of the situation.

“Uh, yeah, of course. I’ll be there.” You nodded instantaneously and you lifted your wrist to look at your watch, reading the time. “I should really get going -”

“You’re wearing it.” Yoongi noted, eyes examining your wrist. “It looks really good on you.” You weren’t so sure why, but  you can feel the hot, salty tears building on your eyes. You fought your quivering lips as they desperately wanted to curve onto a pout. Instead, they twitched unwantedly onto a small grin.

“Yeah, uh, can you tell I really like it?” You rush your words, ending your sentence with a weak chuckle. “Listen, I really need to go. I have to head to work in a couple of hours and I want to catch up on some sleep.” Yoongi nodded once, agreeing to catch up later on that night at Seokjin’s and you hugged him ever so tightly before you drove off, spilling every tear you held back.

That’s another reason to hate the airport.

It’s funny how time works.

It’s been around three months since Yoongi and Tiffany established their relationship.

For years, Yoongi pined for you. He attempted numerous times to confess his feelings for you, but there wasn’t really a perfect moment.

Now, you were pining for him.

Your circle of friends were startled to see Yoongi with an unexpected guest clinging dearly onto his arm. They were just as confused as you were; eyes often drifting to Yoongi’s and then to yours to seek for affirmation. But the answer lied in Yoongi’s irises as they lit up like the stars that every time he turned to Tiffany.

Out of pity (for you and his own sanity), Seokjin decided to divulge minute details about Yoongi’s dilemma for you.

“You had that on and off relationship with Taehyung. He was fed up with you crying over him. That’s when he really wanted to tell you.” You have convinced yourself that you have completely moved on from Taehyung. Then again, you’ve never really dated after your relationship with him. “He didn’t want to tell you how he felt about you when you two would break up because… he didn’t want to really take advantage of you - being vulnerable and all. But then when it seemed like the right time to finally tell you how he feels, you got back together with Taehyung or you decided to go on some random Tinder date.”

That was the most you can get out of any of Yoongi’s friends.

It’s funny how time works because now you were fully aware of Yoongi’s feelings for you and you were ready to return the same to him. But you’re back to square one, you’re back in a state of absolute confusion when you see Yoongi spending more time with somebody else everyday.

You debated when was the right time to confront Yoongi about this matter. Was it even a good idea to tell him how you feel? He was happy and content with Tiffany and you didn’t want to be the dickwad that ruined such a special thing.

Michelle was there to comfort you whenever you over analyzed the situation. But your insecurities began to get the best of you when you discovered Michelle would often speak about Tiffany - convincing you to get to know her more because she was a fun person to be around with. Hoseok and Jimin encouraged you to do the same because they’ve never seen Yoongi this happy before.

Perhaps you were being childish by trying subconsciously trying to ignore your friend’s new girlfriend, so you tried your best to brush past any insecurities and negativity and focus on making your best friend happy.

“Hey, uh -” You cleared your throat when you were sent through his voicemail. “I was wondering if you and Tiffany wanted to go out for drinks tonight. Michelle really wanted to celebrate because this really annoying co-worker of her finally got fired.” You chuckled into the receiver, fingers grazing through your soft mane. “We’ll be at the usual at 7pm. I hope you guys can make it.” You ended the call and tossed your phone to the side, scratching your head in the process.

“You’re trying, babe.” Michelle can clearly see your reluctance - trying to get close to the girl who you envied the most. “She’s really cool, I promise.”

The bar was packed that evening. For obvious reasons, it was a Friday night. This bar, in specific, offered inexpensive drinks and unlimited wings at specific times, so it was easily the hottest spot of the night. Everyone seemed to be gathered by the corner of the room. They had already occupied a booth big enough for everybody to sit at. Hoseok and Jimin were at the bar ordering the necessary drinks for everybody. Meanwhile, Seokjin and Michelle accompanied you at the booths.

“Did you get a call back from Yoongi?” Seokjin talked into your ear, seeing that you were dozing off into your own universe as you stared off into the crowd of people on the dance floor.

“Uh, no. I think he has other plans for tonight.” Your hands clutched your cellular device seeing no replies or call backs from Yoongi at all.

“Maybe. The night is still young.” Michelle cheered when she spotted Hoseok and Jimin coming in with beers and shots in their hands. You weren’t really fond of drinking alcohol. However, when your mind was so fixated on the idea of Yoongi choosing to spend his time with Tiffany instead of spending it with you, you agreed to drink that evening.

You opted for the beer, not wanting to experience the strong aftermath of hard liquor on your body. You thanked Hoseok and Jimin for ordering the drinks, mentioning that you would pay them back once the night is over. When everyone raised their desired drink in the air, Michelle commenced her toast on her ex co-worker finally being terminated from her position and wishing her the best of luck. You were conflicted when you laugh your hardest after taking a swig out of your beer bottle because you were having the time of your life when Yoongi wasn’t there.

Your face said it all and Michelle had to squeeze your arm to reassure you that it was okay. You needed to loosen up. You needed to stop over thinking everything and it didn’t matter who was there or not - you were having a good time with your friends and there was nothing wrong with it.

Michelle shared the story about how her ex co-worker got fired from her job and reminisced on all the times that left her infuriated at the former employee. After months of hearing stories about the abhorrent actions she would do to her, you were glad that the grand finale was something worth hearing about. Perhaps it was your buzzed demeanor that made the story so enjoyable to hear because you found yourself reaching for your second bottle after she had concluded her anecdote.

“Oh my god, I love this song!” Jimin took another shot and swallowed the liquor all down before he grabbed onto Michelle’s wrist and yours onto the dancefloor.

You roll your eyes when Jimin and Michelle force you to stay and dance. With a simple roll of your eyes, you were squeezed in between Jimin and Michelle. You were still nursing a beer bottle close to you. Your body heat was increasing due to the proximity of the people around you and the alcohol you consumed.

The beat of the music was easy to sway to and jump around when necessary. Michelle clung to you closely, satisfied that you were chortling away as Jimin would leave the two of you when he spotted a cute girl at the side to lure them into the middle of the dance floor.

When they moved onto the next song, your eyes drifted to the entrance and, suddenly, your universe stops momentarily. The last person you expect to come walking through those doors grins from ear to ear when he spots the boisterous group at the opposite side of the room.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me right now.” You hissed, barely audible but loud enough for Michelle to dart her eyes over to where your eyes were focused at.

Kim Taehyung takes a large, heavy swig out of a beer bottle when he is greeted by his closest friends. 

Every fiber of your being began to freeze the more your mind understands that this was, as a matter of fact, not a dream.

It’s been months since you’ve seen him.

The contortions on Michelle’s profile shows that she’s in much shock as you are. Your eyes avert to one of his friends, who jerks his head in your direction, eyes connecting to yours and you have to shake Michelle into reality.

“Quit staring.” You warn Michelle. A series of curses erupt from your glossed lips when Taehyung turns to see what his friend is tending to. Inevitably so, he searches the crowd only you happen to stick out like a sore thumb. With your cheeks burning scarlet, mortified with Michelle visibly panics in your peripheral vision.

“He’s walking this way.” You’re frozen to the ground and when Taehyung notices Michelle being pulled by an ignorant Jimin, you’re forced to stare right onto his smug grin as he finally squeezes his way past the crowd towards you.

“Hey.” Taehyung breathes heavily. “You still come to this bar, huh?” Taehyung’s deep voice vibrated loudly despite the boisterous noises blaring on the dance floor. His nonchalant small talk was definitely a disguise for what his honest intentions were. “Your hair’s shorter; it looks good.”

“That’s… enough, Tae." You seethed as you looked him straight in the eye. “It has been a while, so let’s… not do this, okay?”

“Oh, c’mon, _____, I’m just trying to catch up with an old friend, s’all.” His torments began to make your blood boil. Lips twitching as you keep your lips hidden from him.

“Well, I’m not.” You were already getting more and more agitated at the conversation, biting back anything remotely disrespectful at him. “I… am done with this conversation. I don’t know how else to say it, but we’re not going to -”

Your sentence completely interrupted when his warm, long digits wrap themselves around your wrist.

“Not even for old time’s sake?” His voice was tempting and you thought you have grown immune to his ministrations. But his other hand nestled onto your waist, fingers digging deep on your skin when you begin to reverse from where you stood, hoping it would create the distance you needed. “C’mon, when was the last time someone made you-” His whispers ensued an eruption of goosebumps throughout your body. 

You feel your knees getting weak when his hot lips barely brush underneath your ear and you gathered every ounce of pride in you to push him away from your body, interrupting his tantalizing teases.

“No more, Tae.” You croaked. The only thing you were focused on were the sounds of your own breathing. Your eyes drifted to your clenched fist that had been positioned on Taehyung’s chest; the charm bracelet gracing over your delicate wrist. 

All those times you came crawling back to Taehyung, assuming everything is going to work out but all your expectations fall short and Yoongi would be there to comfort you and remind you that you deserve someone better - you needed someone better.

“I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding someone else to make your dick wet, Tae.” You stumble backwards when you dismiss the conversation yourself, seeking refuge back to your friends. 

You can see Michelle smiling at you with pride and Jimin’s pleading look of sympathy. However, you had a look of disdain right across yours when you chug the last of your beer and your fingers gripped onto the minuscule shot glass of liquor and threw it inside of your mouth. You were proud of the choices you made that evening. But you still weren’t satisfied with yourself. Somehow, there’s a stinging irritation at the back of your mind when you’re reminded of Yoongi once again. You think of how he would react to you rejecting your ex-boyfriend; he would be proud of you and that should be enough for you to move past the agitation.

Yet there was still a yearning rushing through your veins with each sip of bitterness. Your idyllic heart beats hard against your chest when your mind drifts off to your own world. You yearned for him to be there, sharing a fit of laughter at Michelle’s ridiculous stories, drunkenly taunting Hoseok and Seokjin to hook up with some random girl at the bar. Suddenly, you are reminded of the enticing sensation of Taehyung’s hands on your frame. Instead, you thought of his digits pressing so firmly on your hips, hips swaying and guiding you to the beat of the song on the dance floor with his soft petals marking your delicate skin.

But he’s not here.

He’s not even yours, to begin with.

You were left unfulfilled and you were in distress, so you scold your halcyon heart for craving something it can’t have.

Delicate digits wrap themselves around the minuscule shot glass on the table. It burned as it coated your throat and you swallowed it down, eyes pinching together at the taste of the warm spirit. 

Your hands searched for your phone to see that there was still no text or call from Yoongi. The frustration that originated from Taehyung increased exponentially when you’re reminded that you are left with no one around you - not even Yoongi.

“I - I gotta go pee!” You were slurring your words and the world began to spin right in front of your eyes when you stumbled briskly over to the women’s bathroom. “I promise I’ll stop after the next round, al - alright?” At this point, you weren’t so sure who you were speaking to but you found yourself in line for the women’s bathroom.

In the depths of your jeans, you fish out your phone when you feel a buzz. As you unlock your phone, your brain attempts to breeze through the new text message you received.

Sorry. Just saw your message. Tiffany wasn’t feeling well. Rain check?

You grit your teeth feeling the tears build up at the corners of your eyes and you shut your phone off, shoving the small device back inside your pockets.

Your inhibition resulted in the depletion of your emotional stability. You couldn’t control yourself from the tears streaming down your reddened face. There was a horrendous assortment of emotions brewing at the pit of your stomach; you were sad, mad, and frustrated at the situation - it was out of your control and you began to pity yourself for crying over someone you could have but you were too oblivious - too lost in your own world and it’s all too late.

In a split second, you found yourself fishing out your phone back out of the confines of your pocket. You unlock it and search for Yoongi’s number before you initiated the call. As expected, lately, Yoongi’s calls have been leading you to voicemail and you were suddenly feeling the absolute magnitude of your anger boil at the pit of your stomach.

“H - Hey, I just got your message. I hope Tiff is feeling better. Is it okay if I call her T - Tiff? Because that’s what I think you call her.” Every syllable of your statement wavered in little stutters and you chewed on the inside of your cheek, preventing yourself from whimpering the flood of emotions. “I - uh, it sucks you’re not here. I wish you were. I saw - I saw Tae… and I -” At the mention of your ex-boyfriend, as if the universe was testing what little pride and dignity you had, he leans against the wall, placing himself in line for the men’s bathroom.

His profile alone lured you in; the way his jaw clenched as he mindlessly scrolls through his phone, tongue poking out to swipe across his bottom lip, and those hooded eyes glancing up to see what seems to be holding up the line.

At the corner of your eye, suddenly, he catches you staring at him.

Despite your inebriated demeanor, you are aware you are silent and just that one look from Taehyung had you wrapped around his fingers once again. “I - uh, I gotta go, Yoongi. I’m sorry.” 

You were already scolding yourself when you ended the call and found yourself scurrying back into the arms of Taehyung.

When your eyelids flutter open to the bright Saturday morning, the piercing pain of a hangover headache attacks your temples and your hands begin the laborious attempt to find your phone, needing to read the time. However, you’re taken aback when you feel a breathing figure right next to you. The heat of their skin burning your own and you roll to your side to see Taehyung sleeping peacefully right next to you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

You’re frustrated at yourself because you have no recollection of the night before. The last thing you can remember is rejecting him. The rest of the night seemed to be an absolute blur for you and you heard him groan at your soft scolds.

“Tae, wake up.”

You tried your best to be as gentle as possible when you shake him from his peaceful slumber. 

“You need to leave before Michelle sees you.” Your eyes search your room for a piece of clothing that would cover your top half.

“My head hurts.” He murmurs onto your pillow and he turns over, searching for the softness of your pillows to cuddle against. “I need an aspirin.”

All of your pride suddenly gone down the drain when your eyes study your room. Various pieces of fabric scattered from the door to the foot of your bed. The blanket tangled around you and Taehyung’s naked bodies with all your throw pillows on the verge of falling off your bed.

“Tae,” You whispered his name, surrendering in defeat. You’ve accepted that all those months of convincing that you were immune to his tricks were false. The universe has won and you were defeated; it was celebrating in victory. You were an absolute fool and you’ve accepted it as you laid right next to him, trying to piece events of the night together.

“What happened last night, Tae?”

His eyes fluttered open to see your eyes glued on the blank ceiling. From the events of last night, he sees you in a different light and he pities you when he can see the water works build in your orbs. He propped himself up and examined your profile - how vulnerable you were - and he desperately wanted to apologize at that very moment. Nevertheless, apologies would not relieve you of your self-deprecation.

“Don’t look at me like that. Just tell me what happened.”

He sighed, sucking on his bottom lip as he laid himself on his back, staring at the ceiling as you did. “I don’t know what happened before you… came up to me. You were really upset. You came to me crying and you said you just wanted to go back to your place.” You clutch on your duvet covers tightly, anticipating the worst. “We got to your place and you were having a good time.” He chuckled meekly until you notice him pause for a long time.

“Don’t get mad at yourself, _____.” He warns you as he turns to look at you and your eyes meet his, nodding for a moment.

“Just tell me everything. Don’t bullshit anything, please.”

He took a deep breath before he closed his eyes, licking his lips.

“You were drunk and I understand why it happened, okay?”

“Just fucking tell me.”

“You kept saying his name.” He rushed the hard truth out. He seemed just as mortified as you were. “You - you thought I was Yoongi. You just kept… saying his name at the end - when you, uh - you know.” Cheeks already a bright scarlet hue when Tae looks at you straight in the eye. “I, uh - we both stopped after we were done and you wanted... to cuddle, so I… stayed for the night.” Your palms enveloped your face when you stare at Taehyung in mortification.

“Oh god, I’m - I’m so sorry.” You shake your head in absolute disbelief, burying your face onto the plethora of pillows on your bed. “I know I’m asking for a lot here, but please don’t tell anyone about this. I was having a bad night. I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing.” Taehyung chuckled and ran his long digits through his smooth hair, nibbling on his bottom lip. 

“Trust me, I won’t be telling anyone about this. It doesn’t make me look any better, you know?” Suddenly, you find yourself sharing a fit of laughter with each other. You were two people - two victims of the cruel world. “I’m sorry. I can see you’re trying here, _____.” He looks at you once more with sincerity and you narrow your eyes at him.

“We need to stop doing this, Tae. We need to move on. We’re not… good for each other, you know that.” He hated to agree with you, but at the corner of your eyes you see him nod once. Unexpectedly, he pulls you close to press a gentle peck on your forehead, accepting the necessary fate of your relationship. “I’ll get you your aspirin and some water.”

When you muster every ounce of strength to roll out of bed to search for your robe, you tie it tightly around your waist, ambling softly to your door.

“_____,” Taehyung calls your name softly. “I always knew.”

You stop in your tracks when you fold your arms, insisting he explain himself further. “Knew what?”

“Yoongi.” He sat up on your bed, rubbing his eyes from the lack of sleep. “I knew you had a thing for him. Well, after last night, you… still have a thing for him.” You were taken aback from his statement and you shake your head in defense, a scoff erupting from your lips.

“That’s… not possible.” You were delusional, trying to convince yourself once more that everyone was wrong. You were wrong.

You were wrong to think you and Yoongi could happen.

“Stop being so dense, _____. It’s one of the reasons why I started getting jealous and possessive over you.”

The solemn contortion on his eyes notified you that you had to accept defeat once again. 

Everyone around you observed the truth between you and Yoongi.

You were impervious while he was resigned.

“Dress up.” You requested from Tae, deviating away from the topic - hoping Taehyung understood you didn’t want to discuss the subject any further.

Inevitably, Michelle knew about the entire encounter with Taehyung. She scolded you for not informing the group of your whereabouts, mainly because you were too intoxicated to form any coherent sentences. She whined about how she had to call Taehyung for his assistance only to discover that he had taken you home already.

“I swear to god, _____, you do this one more time and I’m actually going to slap you senseless until you get it straight to your head that Taehyung is not good for you.” Michelle’s anger seethed through her words and you could only laugh at her little soliloquy.

“I - I know, alright? I learned my lesson.”

She stopped rambling when she observes the way you rub your temples when you begin to sip on your hot coffee. “Listen, I love you and all, but… you just can’t keep letting yourself get hurt like that.”

“I got the message, Michelle.” She was shocked to hear the tone of your voice and she knew she was pushing it.

She captured the keys that had been placed on the coffee table, fiddling with them as she paved her way to the front door. “Try to recover from last night. If you need anything, call me.” 

You both bid your goodbyes as you watched Michelle exit out of your apartment.

You had the day off, thankfully. You really didn’t have anything to do but a bunch of chores around the house and a couple of errands to do.

You feared this moment; being absolutely alone with nothing to keep you busy. Sure, the first few hours may be a breeze, but once you’ve accomplished what you needed to do, the silence takes a toll on you and you begin to analyze your mistakes.

All thoughts were interrupted by the muffled footsteps approaching your front door and you hear the rapid knocking at the other side of the door. As you leaped out of the comfortable couch, tip toeing through the little peephole to see who your uninvited guest is, you begin to unlock the door instantaneously when you see a breathless Yoongi standing right before you.

“Hi,” Your eyes are wide as you see him clearly unhappy about something. His perfectly sculpted brows knit together. It was clear something is bothering him. You can feel the conflicted aura as he invites himself inside with his phone clutched tightly around his fingers. 

“Hey, what’s - what’s up?”

He didn’t respond to any of your questions. Instead, he put his phone on full blast when you hear his voice mail blaring through the speaker.

“You have two saved messages.” The feminine, monotonous voice echoed inside your living room and you stood there quivering in anticipation. “One saved message.” It alerted the only two people in the room and your heart was beating too quick for your liking.

“H - Hey, I just got your message. I hope Tiff is feeling better. Is it okay if I call her T - Tiff? Because that’s what I think you call her. I - uh, it sucks you’re not here. I wish you were. I saw - I saw Tae… and I -” Every sign of life drained out of your face as you listen to your inebriated state of mind. Slurs from the night before were embarrassing enough and there was a long pause in your recorded message. Finally, you hear deep sighs and the sounds of rustling in the background. “I - uh, I gotta go, Yoongi. I’m sorry.”

“To replay this message, press -” Immediately, Yoongi presses on 2; the option to save the regretful message. However, it was your turn to knit your brows into one as you listen to the same monotonous voice address there was another saved message. “One saved message.”

“Hey, Yoongs.” Your voice sounded more coherent now. Your mind still possessing no recollection of the message being played out. “I know it’s late, but - uh, I miss you. I’m sorry if it seems like I'm... distancing myself or something.” There was a whimper coming from the phone and the tears came prickling through your eyes and streaming down your cheeks as you listen to yourself sob. “I’m really happy for you. Everyone’s telling me she makes you really happy and that’s fucking great.” A self-deprecating chuckle erupts from your mouth as you listen on, still clueless from the forgotten message. “I’m trying, you know? You’ve moved on. I’m glad you did. I’m, uh, I’m trying to get over you too.” You could feel your world slowly crumbled beneath your feet as your eyes connect with Yoongi’s. You see his jaw clenched tightly and he sucks on his bottom lip as he replays the message for himself. “I’m so fucking stupid. I didn’t see it. I didn’t see you the way you saw me. But… I do now and it’s hard to see you with her. I don’t think I’ve said this out loud at all, but I - I think I’m in love with you.” You hiccuped onto the phone and you hear rustling in the background before the message abruptly concludes.

“To replay this message, press 1. To save this message, press -” You weren’t so sure which option Yoongi picked, but you watch him end the voicemail program and shove his phone back in the depths of his tight jeans.

“You’re trying to get over me?” Yoongi barely whispers, his voice almost inaudible as he takes a step closer towards you, but you take a step back from where you stood. You were afraid because you weren’t so sure of how he was feeling. You chose not to answer him, you choose not to meet his piercing gaze.

“Yoongi, let’s not -”

“Let’s not what, _____?”

His eyes shaped into bewilderment when you meet his. He did not want to surrender to your dismal demeanor; he obviously hates it when you cry, but he didn’t want to fall so easily to your pleads. He sought for answers that you could give him.

“Don’t do this, please.” You seethed as you grit your teeth, tears already streaming down your translucent cheeks. “I’m over it, ‘kay?” The words were so simple, but they didn’t resonate so well with him.

“When - when were you even - why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was increasing in volume and you were both growing frustrated at the lack of communication the both of you were willing to offer.

“Because you had already met her! I didn’t know you… you had feelings for me before you left.” The pain strangled in your voice was evident as you sobbed your reply. “You’ve moved on with her! And that’s fucking great, you know? You found somebody else and I just sucked it up and moved on! I didn’t want to fuck up a good thing for you.”

You weren’t so sure how Yoongi was taking all of this new information. He stood there holding his ground in silence, still trying to process the turn of events. His face unchanged but you coul see the pain and chaos appearing right through his irises.

“What about you, huh?” You decided to turn the tables on him. “You had… all this time to tell me how you really felt about me! Why didn’t you?”

Yoongi chuckled darkly, running his long digits through his black mane. “I tried so many times. At least, I tried to tell you, but there was never a good time! You - you kept going back to him. God, you were so frustrating to deal with sometimes, _____. You kept asking for my advice and I was the dumbass when I see you crawling back to him. Now, you’re - you’re -”

“I’m what?” Your foot mindlessly took a step closer to him. He was towering over you and you desperately wanted to yell at him out of pure frustration. “You think I’m weak.” You whispered harshly, a weak grin tattooed on your face this entire time. “I come crawling right back to him every time and you think I’m pathetic for thinking it’ll work out.”

“Stop it.” He demanded, closing his eyes shut as he listened to you taunting to yourself.

“I’m the dumbass, Yoongi. You did the right thing. You’re moving on and you chose the right girl.”

“I said to fucking stop.” Yoongi groans in exasperation as you continue to tear yourself apart.

“You’re happier now. We’re better off this way, right?”

“I’m not!” His booming voice made you feel small, but you were glad you got him all riled up because you knew he would bottle up all his thoughts to himself. “You think I’m happier? I’m still fucking in love you! I thought you would never feel the same way as I did and - and what I have with Tiffany is good, okay?”

He was breathing hard as he thought out loud. You watched his soft lips quiver with every word he spoke. “She’s sweet and - and she’s funny and she’s really fucking smart.” It sounded like he was trying his best to convince himself that Tiffany was better. The way he stammered, the way he was attempting to talk himself out of the situation you’ve inevitably put yourselves in. “I was happy and, now, I know you love me too and you can’t fucking do that, alright?”

“What do you mean I can’t do that? I didn’t mean to tell you I had feelings for you!” You weren’t going to take full blame for this. Of course, you were drunk and no one was there to monitor your actions, but you lacked any judgment when you made the drunken call to him.

“I’m good. I’m in a good place with Tiffany and you have no right to tell me how you -”

“Excuse me?”

“I was doing great with her until I found out about you.”

You gasped at him suddenly putting the blame on you. “I was doing great until I found out about you! You think this is a walk in the park for me? Seeing you with her that shit fucking -”

You couldn’t finish your sentence because you were sobbing. He could feel his own throat swallow him whole when he sees the hurt painted awfully on your visage. Both of you were arguing loudly and you could already hear your neighbors pounding on their side of the wall, demanding that you two keep it down.

You were aware of just how close your two bodies were. It wasn’t a foreign concept being this close to Yoongi, but you were more conscious of his deep sighs. You could hear the grievance and resentment in each sigh. Your nose smelled the fresh cologne that littered his skin and your eyes leveled to where his mouth remained parted. 

On the other hand, Yoongi can smell the lavender scent of your shampoo from where he stood. His mind screamed for him to take a step back, reflect on what his truly desires and belittle it for yearning for something -- someone he cannot have. Instead, every nerve in his system signaled for his fingers to twitch forward to tuck a the damp stray of hair behind your ear. The desperate longing to feel the heat of your tear stained cheeks was a challenge for him to overcome and he does so successfully by balling his hands into a fist when he drops his arm back to his side. 

“Well, I’m… I’m trying to move on, alright?” He counters softly, backing away from where you both stood so closely from each other. You can see the way his chest rose up and down, attempting to slow his breathing - attempting to calm himself down.

“So what? You’re just going to keep denying the fact that you have feelings for me? Shove it all in the box and put it in the corner?” You ridiculed the idea for a moment and you saw the ephemeral softening of his face conform back to the same callousness he had when he entered the room, slipping his hands inside the depths of his pockets.

“I’ve been doing it since I met you, so it should be easy enough to do.” You could see the pain in his eyes as he completed his heartbreaking declaration. “I - uh, I have to go.” Yoongi dismissed the conversation, straightening his posture as he slips his hands in the depths of his pockets. “I’m meeting Tiffany’s sister for breakfast.”

You swallowed hard at the information being thrown at you. He didn’t have to mention where he was off to. Perhaps it was a good thing at the same time considering you were probably going to be left wondering where he was headed to. You feel your legs mindlessly walk towards the front door and you unlock and swing it open for Yoongi to exit out of.

“I’ll see you whenever, I guess.” You whispered ever so softly, trying to remain composed and unfazed at his motives for the day. You awaited for his exit by the door and, for a moment, a part of you wished that he didn’t want to leave you all alone. But the both of you clung to your pride - what little pride you possessed - too much.

You both established that you possessed feelings for each other, chose not to do anything about it, and you both decided to move on from the mess you had both created.

He paused momentarily right by the door and he chooses to stride past by you, heading towards his car that had been parked idly by right next to yours. When he hops inside the driver’s seat, you slam the door as roughly as possible, leaning against the wooden frame, wishing that Michelle had never left for work in the first place.

It was a month and a half of bottling up all of your pain and sadness. You weren’t as resilient as him; you can only imagine how he felt when he saw you with Taehyung all those months being together. You wished you possessed the same strength as him - the same willpower as he did.

But you didn’t.

So you searched your entire apartment for your car keys to meet up with the one person you shouldn’t be seeing.

You had no sense of logic and rationality when you find yourself standing in front of the familiar door. You sought for a way to numb the pain - perhaps even sought a way to relieve you from the pain, make you feel good about yourself, even if it's for a couple of hours. You wanted to do something without thinking of the repercussions.

Now, you found yourself in front of Taehyung’s apartment. Your knuckles meeting the wooden door, awaiting for his greeting.

But it took him a while to actually appear at the door. You had to knock a few more times until you can hear him curse at your impatience. “I said give me a minute.” He grunts as he swings the door open to reveal a more sober and decent version of yourself. “Hey. What are you doing here?” He breathes out as he studies you from head to toe.

You were fully clothed with your hair still damp from the morning shower you had. All you needed to do was freshen up and change onto a comfortable pair of clothes before you sped off to Taehyung’s apartment. Meanwhile, he stood with black slacks that clung to his waist with a belt and a half-buttoned shirt with his hair still relatively damp from his shower.

“Hi,” You greeted him back as you fiddled with the sleeves of your sweater. “I know I’m totally contradicting everything I said earlier this morning, but… can I come in?”

There was a reluctance on his side. He was debating what could possibly be the reason for your visit.

“Ye - Yeah, of course.” He’s decided not to taunt at you for coming back to him once again. It was a cyclical nature; the way your relationship functioned with him.

“Did I interrupt you or something? Were you headed -“

“I was going to meet with a cousin of mine who’s in town, but I can just reschedule.” You decided not to protest at his statement, but you feel the obligation to do so since you were intruding his time. However, he decides to address the elephant in the room. “Listen, I’m trying not to be rude, but you literally just said we need to stop seeing each other and - well, you’re here and I’m - I’m just really fucking confused, _____. What’s going on?” He can tell from the way your eyes swelled and the redness of your cheeks that you had been crying, but he didn’t want to pry.

“I don’t know who else to talk to, to be honest. Michelle’s not answering her phone.” You clarified before you began chewing on the inside of your cheek. “I think I called Yoongi last night and I fucked up. I was drunk and… I think I just… ruined everything.”

You sat at his couch while he stood across the room with his arms folded across his broad chest. You began to fiddle with the hem of your sweater, trying to distract yourself from the mere thought that every ounce of pride and dignity you possessed was now sinking down the drain.

“He’s moved on, Tae.” You were starting to be more accustomed to the feeling of hot tears forming on your eyes, but you’ve learned to hold back from them streaming down your face. “I - uh, I really don’t want to pine over someone who doesn’t want me, to be fucking honest. At least, not today.”

The tension in the air was so thick and dense and the silence that settled on the atmosphere caused your stomach to churn. You were already thinking of a smooth recovery out of this situation.

Instead, the room echoes when Taehyung began speaking.

“And… you want me to help you with that?” Taehyung was already ambling towards where you sat at a painstaking pace. Your eyes were glued on the floor, examining the way your feet seemed so much smaller in comparison to his own.

Your lengthy silence was enough for his index finger to caress your cheek over to your chin, lifting your chin up to meet his gaze. “I need you to say it yourself, _____.” He crouches right in front of you, hoping being at the same eye level with him would help you focus on your decision. “I need you to say you want this.”

“I - I don’t want to think right now.”

The way his eyes studied your face inevitably led to some salty tears falling down your cheeks. The pad of his thumb wipes the hot tears off of your cheek and you nestled at the comfort of his palm.

“I… want to feel good even if it’s just for a couple of minutes. I don’t want to think.” Both of Taehyung’s hands cupped your small face as he presses his forehead against yours, noses touching each other. “I don’t… want to think of him.”

You couldn’t say it out loud. But, at that moment, you needed Taehyung.

“Oh, darling,” He barely whispers when his fingers crawl to the back of your neck, hands tugging at the end of your hair to encourage yourself to look at him. “I’ll make sure you won’t be thinking of him.”

You were taken aback by Taehyung’s words, but more so his actions.

The tenderness of his palms evolved onto a rough yearning for you.

It all happened in a split second, Taehyung lifts you up from his couch and, instinctively, you wrap your legs around his waist. Arms slither around his broad shoulders and your lips attach to his once again. His lips felt like soft petals capturing your own, savoring the taste of your nectar.

In the beginning, he treated you as delicately as possible. Your fragile digits combing through his freshly washed hair, paying more attention to the hair at the back of his neck. Sweet hums of blissfulness erupts from both of your lips when he carefully throws you onto his bed.

You landed on a plethora of pillows and he offers you a look of reassurance as his digits play with the hem of your sweater. With a simple nod, you were exposed to him, revealing the lace bra you wore underneath the overly large sweater.

“Jesus fucking Christ, _____.” He practically rips your sweater off of you, but he chooses to peel the thick layer of clothing of your frame. He growled into your ear, teeth latching onto the lobe as he tugs it down. His flat tongue licks onto the sweetest spot on your neck, suckling ever so softly to leave his mark right on you.

His fingers expertly fiddled with the hook of your bra easily unclasping the annoying piece of garment off of your breasts. With his large palms, he cups both of them, kneading them and savoring the warmth of your body against his. The tip of his tongue flicks on the hardened bud of your nipple. He pinches the other, stimulating it just as much as the other.

“You’re not thinking of him now, are you?” All this time Yoongi never crossed your mind until Taehyung had brought him up. You shake your head as a response and a notable smirk etches onto his mouth. You focused on his merry work on your breasts and you don’t even realize how much you had been squirming underneath him - how soaked you were underneath him. Thighs were pressed so tightly together, desperately seeking the friction you yearned for. 

Taehyung is well aware of this. However, he wants to test just how far you would wait for him to touch you where you wanted to be touched the most.

Mewls and whimpers erupted out of your stained lips when his thigh is placed right in between yours, pressing up against your warm core. Your back arches at the sensation of his limb adding pressure onto the most sensitive area you possessed.

He guides your attention towards his own predicament. Underneath his slacks, you could feel the heat and hardness of his member insisting itself upon the inside of your thighs. A sight of pleasure spills out of your lips when his hands cups over your clothed core.

“I know you said you didn’t want to think of him and you shouldn’t.” Taehyung remarks, sinking his head farther down your hips. His mouth envelopes your smooth skin, nibbling at the sides. His teeth toying with the garter of your leggings and underwear. “But, fuck, he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.”

You were perplexed that Taehyung’s words would have an effect on you - even after all this time. It brought you some of your self-esteem back and you didn’t necessarily protest against his actions.

Taehyung’s fingers hook onto the garter of your leggings and underwear which he peels right off of your legs, exposing your already drenched cunt. He marveled at how pink and raw your other set of petals were, how it glistened under the natural light. “Fuck, you smell good.” The tip of his nose nudges at your core, the softness of his mouth enveloping briefly on your labia before he releases it with a simple pop.

It was an instantaneous sensation, but your fingers searched for something to grasp onto. When your delicate digits tangle themselves onto his mane, Taehyung’s dark hues dart over to where you squirm underneath his touch. “- taste so fucking good, too - fuck.”

Large, warm palms press firmly onto your hips, keeping them grounded onto the mattress. He begins utilizing his tantalizing tongue to lick along the perimeter of your core. Every now and then, you can feel his teeth graze upon your fragile skin, sucking at the softness of it. He marveled at the way your body reacted.

You responded so well to his touch. He had touched you so briefly and he can see your nectar coating the petals that were settled in between your thighs. “Tae,” You stutter his name, swallowing every ounce of pride you had possessed. “Touch me, please.”

“Mm, gladly.” His thick lips enveloped your clit. As he suckled on the sensitive nub, his tongue flicked from top to bottom and side to side. You wasted no time to wrap your legs around his head, fingers curling around his smooth hair. The heat of his tongue lapped back and forth from the entrance of your core over to the bud once again. The heat of his palms encouraged you to spread your legs more for him, granting him the ease of access he needed.

When you cooperate to his unspoken requests, the desired pressure of his middle finger prods over to your hole and you arch your back at the sensation. Slowly slipping his long finger inside you, he savors the heat of your cunt already curling when he observes your eyes rolling at a specific spot.

“You’re going to make me cum already if you keep doing that.” You strangled a moan. It was an overwhelming sensation to have his tongue flat against your bud while a single digit seemed to curl inside of your wetness. Your toes already curling, awaiting for the coil to snap inside of you.

“So soon?” He taunts lifting his head away from your thighs to capture the moment with his own eyes. “But it’s just… one finger, darling.” The absence of his tongue resulted in a symphony of whimpers. However, he compensates it with another digit - his ring finger - being prodded inside you as well. The stretch was well worth the wait and your eyes closed shut when he pistons his digits in and out of your hole.

You clenched so tightly around them and his patience was wearing thin as well. “So tight. I can’t believe after all this time, you’re still this fucking tight, baby.”

His tongue laps repeatedly over your nub while his index and middle finger resume pistoning themselves inside your entrance. A thumb circling your nub to encourage the orgasm to arrive and it was enough to send you over the edge. You squealed and squeezed around him, feeling the heat of your body radiate around the room.

Beads of sweat already prickling your skin when you attempt to recover from your brief yet intense orgasm. Your eyes examine the way Taehyung’s hooded lids seems to be gazing down upon you. Swiping your tongue right across your petals, you lift yourself up from his bed and stretch your neck to plant them ever so softly onto his. The lingering nectar that coated his were soon licked and cleaned by your own mouth. A rumble came deep from his chest when you feel his large palm envelope your small hand onto his erect manhood.

Hastily, your hands scramble to unlatch the buckle of his belt and unzip the zipper of his jeans. You were more aware of your breathing; it was uneven and erratic. Taehyung assists you with stripping the annoying layer of clothing off of him by peeling the shirt off of him, revealing his broad chest. You reveled at the state of his near naked body but you can tell he’s growing impatient with the way his length twitched underneath your touch.

Your eager mouth enveloped the pink tip of his member and you savored the saltiness of his pre-cum. A baritone grunt echoes his room when your hot tongue starts coating every inch of his cock with your saliva. You were gripping the base of his member, pumping at a steady pace and when your eyes flicker over to his, he rolls his head back to savor the way your small hand can barely wrap around his cock.

When you decide to release his length from your grip, your own petals wrap themselves around the thickness of his girth, hollowing your cheeks in the process as you take him inside your hot mouth further. Series of curses, deep sighs, and erotic moans encourage you to hasten the bobbing of your head.

You can feel the tip of his member already hitting the back of your throat, realizing that his own hips searches for the necessary tightness and depth it desired. You stopped your bobbing giving him complete control over your mouth. Hips thrusting at the rhythm he established while both his hands gather your hair to reveal your aching face, struggling to keep him in.

Spit dripping off of the corners of your mouth, cheeks remaining hollowed while he fucked your mouth greedily. Your eyes began to tear at the position you were in, but you basked in pride when you see Taehyung grit his teeth, struggling to delay his release. “God, that’s a good, baby; can’t believe you can still deep throat this big fucking cock.”

When he releases the vice grip he has on your hair, you take this as an opportunity to release his thickness with a pop, only to see a string of saliva from your lip to the head of his dick.

“I - I want to ride you.” The confession came out all out in one breath and at first glance you see a smug grin right across Taehyung’s features. He proceeded to respond to you with a meek chuckle, shaking his head in disapproval.

With furrowed brows, you retreated in confusion. However, he straightens himself, hovering over you when you ruminate on his decision.

“Why not?”

“I have my reasons.” He comforts you by nuzzling his nose at the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. He encourages you to lay down comfortably.

“I’d like to hear them.” You barely whisper when you can feel his length just resting comfortably in between your folds.

“I don’t hear you protesting against this.” He hisses, feeling his hips tauntingly thrust on your folds to coat every inch of his erect cock, prodding at the entrance every now and then.

“I - I’m not against this, but I’d like to be on top.” You plead, eyes opening to meet his once more.

Once again, his lips etched onto the same smug grin and you knit your brows together like you had before.

“I’d love to have you on top of me -”

“But?”

“- but the last time you were on top of me, you kept saying his name.”

All teases and taunts put to the side, you both hiss at the sensation of his length stretching into your tight hole. Your thoughts were being clouded with the haze of ecstasy he had inflicted onto you. He wasn’t all the way in and you can feel your toes already curling when he retreats back and slams right into you.

A yelp erupts from your mouth, foreheads pressed against each other as he gazes down at your parted lips. Your cheeks turned a bright hue at his reason and you couldn’t blame him for it. “With me on top,” He slams right back into you once again, feeling just how thick he is around you while the tip of his cock prods right onto the spot you love the most. “At least you’re reminded of who’s making you feel this good.”

His words would be enough to send you over the edge and you craved for so much more. The pace of his thrusts began to escalate. He became rougher as well; the way he gripped your thighs, nails digging into your skin while he still held his weight over you. You proceeded to close your eyes, feeling your eyes roll back and your back arch closer against his.

“Look at me, _____.” Taehyung demands, gritting his teeth feeling his thrusts get much more rigid - rougher than it already was. When your eyes flutter open to meet his, you are met with his piercing gaze.

“Taehyung,” His name leaves your lips and it encouraged him to hasten his pace - if it was even possible. With quivering lips, you capture his in between yours and he moans into your mouth when you initiate by poking your tongue and licking inside his mouth.

“It’s good to hear you finally saying my name.” He erupts a guttural grunt. The timbre of his deep voice booms right into your ear when he begins to pepper harsh kisses upon your delicate skin.

“Oh, god,” Your hips were moving in sync with his. The sounds of your skin slapping against each other increased in volume and, suddenly, you were aware of the springs of his beaten mattress underneath the both of you. In addition to that, the frame of his bed seemed to bang in rhythm with each thrust Taehyung performed.

“Fuck, you’re so tight, baby.” The difference in nickname, without a doubt, caught you off-guard but it was enough to increase the pleasure at a tenfold. Trembling legs still managed to latch themselves around his waist. However, you feel his hot hand grasp onto your shin, propping it over his shoulder.

His length exits out of you momentarily. But the minute he slams right back into you, a blissful and strained squeal leaves your throat. With eyes wide open, the new angle was something you were not expecting. You surprised yourself at how flexible you seemed to be having your leg practically folded at an obscure angle, but somehow it ignited a different flame for the man on top of you.

“I can feel you squeezing me so tightly.” His thumb grazes over to your nub carefully, adding the much needed friction you sought.

“You’re so fucking hot and wet, darling.” The increased pressure against your nub and speedy and animalistic thrusts coaxed the coil set deep within you to snap at any second. “I can feel you; you want to cum so bad.”

You weren’t so sure how to respond so you begin to nod at once. “Please, Tae.” You pleaded in between blissful moans. “Please make me cum.”

How small your voice sounded beneath him ensued him to flip you over on your fours. Taehyung happened to be full of surprises when he grasps onto a handful of your hair, roughly prompting you to arch the upper half of your body much closer to him while he remained buried deep inside you. His other arm supported you as they slithered from your hip up to grasp firmly on one of your breasts.

His breathing was more erratic and harsh as his mouth is pressed onto your ear. “You like having my cock buried deep inside this tight pussy?”

A constrained grunt spewed from your bruised lips in response to his query. Satisfied to hear your response, the way he rammed his length inside your entrance was more resolute than before signaled that he was close to his climax as well.

A mortifying fear began crawling at the back of your mind realizing you won’t be able to see Taehyung directly when you both peak, so your fingers latch onto his hand, hoping that it would be enough to remind you it was Taehyung who is making you feel this way.

Not Yoongi.

Instinctively, your eyes search for something to distract you of your thoughts of Yoongi and at the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of his mirror just merely reflecting the image of two bodies intertwining themselves. Your hair completely disheveled while Taehyung’s hair mopped onto his forehead.

From the mirror, you see his mouth placing hot kisses at the back of your shoulder and you sighed in euphoria. He praised your body - every inch of it. When your irises land on your own figure, you did not recognize yourself. Mouth agape as a symphony of blissful sighs escape your mouth, bruised marks scattered on your neck to your chest and your hip.

Unexpectedly, the hand that had gripped onto your mane tightly was suddenly loose and Taehyung’s hands crept down in between your thighs to begin rubbing aggressive circles around your clit once again. The erotic sight of it of yourself with him had sent you over the edge a second time and the sensation plummeted over to your entire body. It trembled underneath Taehyung’s and you can’t help but fall back onto his as he continues his sloppy thrusts into you.

Thankfully, he manages to clutch onto your figure when he attempts to reach his own high. You’re still achieving your own orgasm, savoring the sensitivity of your swollen nub. After a succession of breathless squeals, you hear a sequence of curses so close to your ear and you feel the throbbing of his length empty his seed inside of you.

When you both recovered from your climax, the exhaustion settled upon both your worn bodies. You can feel the muscles that held onto you closely ache when you both inevitably fall on the tattered mattress. He still remained inside you, softening in the process while your entrance still managed to clench around his girth.

With his arms still slithered around your frame, he savored the fragrance of your freshly shampooed hair when his nose nuzzles at the top of your head. Both of your eyes fluttering close, you began to breathe peacefully. 

What catches you by surprise is the single tear that runs down your cheek.

But at that moment, the silence that filled the room wasn’t at all perplexing. 

Not even the kiss he peppers on your shoulder as he pulls you closer to his body - reassuring you that one way or another, you will be better.

↪ Continue on to chapter two!

[ballouheys]

hey there , i’m libby ( or any of the other many nicknames that come w being named elizabeth ... we’re all pals here . call me what you want to ) and i just spent way too much time trying to write this intro . but this is way to long and way too all over the place ... .. so hit that little like button and i’ll slip n slide into your dms ( i’ll probably slip n slide into ur dms even if you don’t , what can i say ? i’m shameless  ) to give you the low low on gigi so you don’t have to read this mess of an intro rip :/

𝐨𝐨𝟏. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒  .

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞: gentry thylane ballouhey . 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬: gigi ,gen . 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡: june 26 . 𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧: cancer . 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞: los angeles , california . 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐧: los angeles , california . 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: bisexual ╱ biromantic . 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬: fluent in english and french . literate in spanish , but is unable to properly articulate the language despite several years of studies . 𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐬: a sloppily drawn heart on the side of her right middle finger, a winking and now faded smiley face on the tip of her left index finger, but out of all the unfortunate markings, the most unfortunate of them all was her own signature in girlish print across the inside of her foot. or perhaps the license plate of her first car ( that she had driven through their fence four months after it had been gifted to her )  beneath her left breast. all of which had been inked into her skin by friends, all of which seemed like a much better idea when drunk . 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: three in tight succession on each earlobe . 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜: notes penned in red ink , each individual i dotted with its own tiny heart , scuffed and sullied balenciaga sneakers and ruffled ankle high socks , the cacophonous clink of bulky anklets against one another with each passing step , applying a full face of makeup only to remove it all minutes later , a far too large collection of scrunchies varying in pattern and texture lining the top drawer of her bedside table , a plethora of practiced accents , mascara and tears leaking down the swell of freckled cheeks as the credits to a romantic comedy she could quote word for word begin to roll , long bubble baths in a claw foot tub with a streetcar named desire playing on repeat in another room , sundays spent tangled up in an array of silken bed linens , a collection of shoes that could rival even carrie bradshaw’s , a signature practiced to perfection , hearts varying in size doodled on the palm of her hand , along the underside of her arm , romanticized idealizations , wearing her finest lingerie beneath sweatpants and the hacked hem of t-shirts she cropped herself , strands of hair sticking to overly glossed lips , unsmoked and pink ringed cigarette stubs dropped into an emptied flute of champagne , the wrong number scrawled on a napkin in pink ink to match the stain of puckered lips , unsubtle flirations , a personality akin to bubbling champagne , kisses planted anywhere but on the mouth , meaningful conversations with a stranger , and long nights spent searching for love in all the wrong places .

𝐨𝐨𝟐. 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐇

perhaps the one thing worse than a charmed childhood spoiling with years passed, was a childhood that had been spoiled from the very start. and poor gentry ballouhey had been brought into this world swaddled in cotton and blushing bright pink, held loose within the arms of a mother who didn’t quite want her, as her father stared with disdain at the second little girl he hadn’t quite planned on having. the family of three had already been perfect, she was nothing more than a blemish, a mistake, a pretty, little bandaid doused in alcohol and placed atop a gaping wound ( utterly useless and entirely too painful ). yes, she had been born into the quintessential white-picket fence family, all bright and toothy grins ( perfectly straight, perfectly white ), in their matching white tennis outfits as their matching white poodles gallivanted across the perfectly manicured lawn, but no childhood could be charmed when one spent the entirety of it unloved.

the ballouhey’s outcast, conceived amongst a dreamlike haze of judgement clouded by a bottle of dom perignon shared beneath starlit parisian skies, had been burdened with the expectations to conform when her entire existence stood in stark contrast to their careful ideals. even her conception had been rash and unexpected, much unlike her sister who had been dreamt of from the very moment their parents had married, carefully crafted in a lab after several failed attempts. meryl was wanted, a charming girl who lived a charmed life, and gentry? well, she simply was not. the blonde and bubbling stain on an otherwise perfect family portrait, the odd duckling among long-necked and elegant swans, gentry had felt forced to force her own self into an almost unsettling obedience. another failed attempt to please, to garner but a mere fraction of the attention marlon and madeleine ballouhey smothered their first-born in.

she was a true oddity, in more ways than one. softness epitomized, all freckles and full cheeks, doe-eyes and blurred edges nestled several steps to the left of her sharp-eyed and sharp-lined family members. an airy spring breeze in comparison to her elder sister’s chilled winter evening. the littlest ballouhey that left all spectators befuddled for she was all her father with a little something else. yet despite marlon and madeleine’s best efforts to keep their youngest tucked away from the public eye by sending her to the most exclusive and private catholic schools, and leaving her at home with the nannies while the rest of the family attended awards shows ( claiming it was simply because she was too young to attend ), gentry was sought out by one of her father’s friends to star in a film at the age of fourteen. the first time she had ever been chosen before meryl, her short lived claim to fame. perhaps an acting career wasn’t truly her calling, but the adoration she had received was.

the attention she received in the years following her debut in the film industry, turned the girl desperate for love into a girl even more hungry for adoration. she began to spent her days striving for perfection to draw her parents coveted attention ( the only thing they had ever left her wanting for ) back to herself. each straight a report card had been put up on the fridge only to go unnoticed, the nanny chauffeured her to all her extracurricular activities and sat in her parents place for all her dance recitals. and when she told her father about her time spent volunteering at the animal shelter she’d been met with a dismissive nod and a clap on the shoulder that was meant to be congratulatory as he left in a hurry to tend to something on set.  her parents immersed themselves in their work, in meryl, and gentry was pushed off to the side for the nannies to deal with even after she was well into her teens.

yet while she began to achieve the feigned perfection her family had always seemed to possess, their decline sputtered to life. at least within their home. she can still remember mornings spent splayed out on her plush queen-sized bed with her romantic comedies to drown out the noise , hair a mess and a pressed private school uniform on - all pink on pink on pink ( her pink cigarettes tucked beneath a pillow, mother’s faux lashes accentuating eyes made vacant by her pink and white pills, and the collar of daddy’s scotch soaked dress shirt stained by pillow lips painted an unfamiliar shade of pink ) as she used the edge of a polished finger to swipe the errant tear that had leaked from a trained tear duct, glossed lips once, twice, thrice before slipping out of their house ( it felt both all too large and far too small for the four of them ) unnoticed by her quarreling parents, glared at by her sister. others could see right through the act, witnessed the slammed doors rattling painting right off the walls, heard the boozy and biting insults, the tumblers hurled, scotch sloshing, ice clattering, glass shattering, and she knew that they knew. but when looks of pity, or rather discomfort, passed across their faces she’d simply smile that deep-dimpled barbie doll beam, and turn the television playing rom coms on repeat up several notches. love gone terribly awry stifled by the picturesque, perhaps that’s where it had come from … her love for love, or more specifically yearning and romance as depicted on the silver screen, when she had been raised in an environment so frosty it should have left her with a block of ice in place of her childish and sputtering heart .

𝐨𝐨𝟑. 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

not unlike her parents she loved obsessed in a way that exhausted ( far too much , far too fast ) . ashton had inherited her mother’s insecurities ,  strung her jealousy in a choke around her throat like an emerald necklace , and her father’s flighty heart that sputtered to life for all the wrong souls . it was no suprise that the two who had given new meaning to the term hopeless romantic would spawn a lovely daughter just as unlucky , if not more so , in love . but their hard , cold genes had been muddled together , creating something much worse . she loves love , or rather suffocating adoration , and will latch on to just about anyone who makes her feel a little less hollow . while gentry  is what one would deem a movie buff, it would be difficult for someone to name a movie that she hasn’t seen at least once, she loves to read just as much. tucked away in the valley as her father traveled the world to attend award shows and charity galas, there was very little to do. so she often found herself flipping through novels as she tanned alongside the pool, always the odd one out as her friends gossiped about the boys from their brother school and flipped through gossip rags. 

gentry  has an extensive vocabulary, contrary to what most might think. its a product of her extensive reading and film viewing, but she always seems to get a weird glance when she drops a big word into her sentence littered with valley girl lingo.

while she certainly isn’t a ditz, she doesn’t necessarily dispute the assumption most people make when they glimpse the spacey look that her features take to a bit too often.  perhaps she likes being underestimated, but she doesn’t typically do much to prove those who do underestimate her wrong. 

gentry  loves nothing more than spending all day in her pink silk pajamas, buried beneath sheets and duvet with her persian cat, holly golightly ( dubbed holly ) as she watches a rom-com she’s already seen at least ten times. she isn’t lazy per se, she just much prefers a night in with a bottle of champagne and her box of tissues ( if she’s planning on watching 13 going on 30 she has to be prepared for a few leaked tears ) to a night out. 

gentry is almost a bastardized version of cher horowitz, plucked right from the screen and loosely translated to fit reality. she’s a bit selfish and undeniably herself, yet yearns for, needs if one were to be dramatic, admiration. any semblance of attention that strokes her large ego and keeps her confidence from wavering a much appreciated gesture. but despite being far too self absorbed for her own good, she gives off some guise of selflessness - though her ample acts of kindness always tend to benefit her in return. and while she’s often concerned with how people perceive her, desperately wanting for everyone to find her desirable, she’s a bit too idealistic, a bit too stubborn to simply settle for people. with a collection of romance novels and romantic comedies still lining the shelves of her room that hadn’t change much since girlhood, it’s no secret that she has an insatiable love for love.

[kudamomo]

Top 10 Favorite Anime 

*Doesn’t contain spoilers (ㅅ´ ˘ `)♡

1. Michiko to Hatchin (2008-2009)

“Michiko to Hatchin,” may appear slightly flawed to the eyes of others, but I have fallen completely in love with this show for a plethora of reasons, both personal and critical. First and foremost, diversity is theme I am particularly fond of, fictionally and in the real world, so seeing an anime that takes place in South America was like a much needed breath of fresh air. On top of that, the soundtrack was completely on par with the gunslinger vibe the show gave off while still keeping the setting of South America in mind. Typically, in 24 episode long shows, such as “Michiko to Hatchin,” the show will begin to drag at some point during the middle. However, the director, Sayo Yamamoto, skillfully switches the show from being story driven to episodic as to keep the viewer entertained and when the time came, picked the story right back up where it left off. Ultimately, I bestow this show with the first 10 out of 10 on this list for its unique setting, characters, and adept pacing.     

2. Cowboy Bebop (1998-1999)

Arguably, not only Shinichiro Watanabe’s greatest creation, but one of the greatest anime shows of all time, is the iconic “Cowboy Bebop.” As to why this show is ranked so high up in this list, as well as any other top anime list, is fairly self explanatory. But to reiterate basically the entire anime community’s opinion on “Cowboy Bebop,” first, it takes place sometime in the far future and hubs on the misadventures of the bounty hunter, Spike Spiegel, and his partners as they search for criminals. Essentially, every aspect of the show is nearly or truly is perfect. The smashing soundtrack to the wonderfully cultivated characters to the attractively sculpted ending, everything, and I mean everything, about “Cowboy Bebop,” screams a 10 out of 10. 

3. Barakamon (2014)

“Barakamon,” is a light hearted, genuinely funny, comedic slice of life anime. It pivots on Handa Seishuu, a calligrapher with a tremendous ego and severe anger issues. After punching another renowned calligrapher, after he criticized Handa’s work for being comparatively lifeless and ‘textbook,’ essentially boring, he is exiled to Gotō Island to better himself and his works. In his duration on Gotō Island, he encounters outlandish Japanese village folk, such as a little girl named Naru Kotoishi. Sooner or later, Handa soon finds himself changing for the better as a result of his stay on Gotō Island. Personally, comedy anime have never been my cup of tea for the sole reason that they fail to make me laugh, but evidently “Barakamon,” came along. I mean, I fell so hard in love with this series that I own the first nine volumes of the manga for it is astoundingly beautiful and hilarious. “Barakamon,” is a soon to be classic for the next generation of anime fans and a simple 10 out of 10 that will surely get laughs out of any person to come across it. 

4. Mind Game (2004)

Made by the man, the myth, and the legend himself, comes debatably Masaaki Yuasa’s greatest work, “Mind Game.” “Mind Game,” is in fact a film not a single person could ever explain to you what it’s about. If anything could describe the film, is that it’s about the mind boggling experience of second chances and rebirth. If that doesn’t seem to have enough substance for you, then keep in mind, based off of Masaaki Yuasa’s track record of finely tuned character development and crazy animation, you’ll have to trust me when I say this, “Mind Game,” is a must see for it is nothing short of cinematic, surreal, masterpiece for I myself even own a copy of this movie. Conclusively, the irrefutable rating this film deserves is an obvious 10 out of 10.  

5. Mononoke (2007)

“Mononoke,” no, not the movie, is a spinoff of the 2006 horror series “Ayakashi: Samurai Horror Tales.” “Mononoke,” is an episodic series that focuses on a mysterious demon vanquisher, respectively disguised as a medicine seller, and the trials and tribulations he must go through in order to save the demoniac and surmount the demon itself. The first notable feature of “Mononoke” is its usage of color and perspective(s) that make each story within the show all the more captivating and exciting to watch. To go along with that, each story goes in massive depth with its characters, successfully inducing a very emotionally powerful relationship with the viewer almost every time. Yet, as the ending isn’t necessarily sub par, it leaves you hungering for more. Nonetheless, this show deserves nothing but a 10 out of 10.

6. Ping Pong the Animation (2014)

This being Masaaki Yuasa’s second appearance on this list, the only other work this position could've been gifted to is his masterful “Ping Pong the Animation.” Masaaki Yuasa, once again, is notorious for his stellar character development and this is it in its prime. Somehow, each character, no matter how insignificant, has a profound effect on the show and everlasting impact on the viewer. It’s almost unbelievable how a show about ping pong could be so relatable with the main characters inner struggles and their escapist hobbies whilst remaining an intense an interesting sports anime like any other. A facile 10 out of 10.

7. Kekkai Sensen (2015-2017)

“Kekkai sensen,” is definitely one of the more light hearted series on this list in which it’s about the supernatural monsters that now live alongside humans in places such as Hellsalem's Lot, formerly known as New York City. The main character soon finds himself leading out an extraordinary life in the said city as he joins the estranged group Libra after attaining the All-seeing Eyes of the Gods at the expense of his sister's eyesight. “Kekkai Sensen,” is a fun and witty show that any anime fan would enjoy. The visuals are eye-catching as well as the music being funky, making it quite the delightful series. Even so, as the finale approaches, it becomes unexpectedly emotional furthering the show’s greatest and superiority as well as establishing a great sense of character depth. Final rating, 9.6 out of 10. 

8. In This Corner of the World (2017)

“In This Corner of the World,” is a film that takes place in Hiroshima during World War II, which focuses on a young woman by the name of Suzu and her daily struggles during this time period. This seemingly drab movie in fact blossoms into something tragically beautiful and easily one of the greatest anime films ever composed, alongside the aforementioned “Mind game.” It unexpectedly tugs at your heart strings with magnificently animated pieces of Suzu’s art to display her interpersonal feelings when faced with particular situations, topped with an equally wondrous soundtrack. This film executes all the components, such as character development, pacing, and directing, of a good anime perfectly, making it optimal for critical and personal enjoyment. Final verdict, an easy 10 out of 10.

9. Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995-1996)

“Neon Genesis Evangelion,” is another iconic franchise that effected the anime community as well as the mecha genre itself as we know it today. “Neon Genesis Evangelion,” takes place in a post-apocalyptic era whereas humanity’s last hopes is in the hands of Nerv, a special agency ran by the United Nations. Nerv was founded in order to combat Angels, the species responsible for the destruction of Earth, using Evangelions. The show specifically focuses on the youth, Shinji, Asuka, and Rei, who pilot the Evangelions and their emotional reactions as a result of the responsibility being forcibly left on their shoulders. Although “Neon Genesis Evangelion,” is nothing apparent to reality, it feels exactly like real life. The emotional responses of the characters are ones you would witness in real people or rather experience yourself. The realism and psychology this show implements is absolutely groundbreaking and proved extremely influential on future mature anime. Thus, “Neon Genesis Evangelion,” is so deservingly awarded with a 10 out of 10 for the emotional levels throughout each episode. 

10. Shingeki no Bahamut: Genesis (2014)

Based off the “Shingeki no Bahamut,” card game franchise comes “Shingeki no Bahamut: Genesis,” as created by Studio Mappa. The show centers on a world of demons that are in constant war against angels and humans, but as the ancient dragon Bahamut appears before them and lays waste to their planet, the aforementioned races combined their forces in order to expel Bahamut and preserve life. However, thousands of years later, a mysterious woman by the name Amira appears in front of two bounty hunters, Favaro and kaiser, who ironically holds half of the key that is sealing Bahamut away. Simply, this show is nothing short of badass paired with a rock and roll soundtrack combined with quirky characters who you will fall in love with as they fall in love with each other. Final rating, 9.8 out of 10.

[swordarkeereon]

Guest Post: Asian Representation: The Lack Thereof

Asian Representation: The Lack Thereof By Erin Yoshikawa

Bad-assery does not have a gender. It does not have a color. It does not have a race, body-type, age or a sexual orientation.

Logically, this is truth. As a society with access to a million different viewpoints, we are gifted with examples of heroism in many forms. From the daily good deeds enacted by the merest child to moments of bravery in battlefields thousands of miles away, it’s easy to see how non-discriminatory bad-assery can be throughout the world. You don’t need muscles or a college degree to be a hero. You don’t need anyone’s blessing or permission to be epic.

If this is true, then why do we see a lack of diversity in entertainment? Hollywood is guilty of it, having a long history of white washing characters when it suited the budget or marketing campaign. The same year Flower Drum Song made its big screen debut, Breakfast at Tiffany’s also premiered. One film highlighted a cast made entirely of Asian actors portraying a sweet but slightly racist view of Asian life in America set to music by Hammerstein. The other features a fumbling, ineffective landlord played by Mickey Rooney with fake snaggle teeth and a cheap summer kimono.

I’m willing to admit the social environment was different at the time: Asian-Americans were still clawing their way to equality alongside African-Americans. They were still a marginalized population piecing their identity back together after the internment camps of World War II. Americans of other races still viewed Asians as outsiders. Representation in the media reflected the collective sentiment effectively, revealing the consensus of Asians as the unwanted strangers in a strange land.

Present day, present time: Asians are finally taking a stand and carving a place in America for themselves. They are no longer afraid to speak out or rock the boat. Gone are the days of loathsome acceptance condensed to a short phrase, Shikata ga nai.

It cannot be helped.

It can be helped. You need to rock the boat when there are rats eating your catch. The greater good outweighs potential embarrassment.

They demand respect and an equal voice in politics and culture. But one thing continues to elude us: representation in media devoid of racist stereotypes. It bothers me when I see an Asian man portrayed as meek and shy. It hurts to see an Asian woman portrayed as a geek that just needs to find a “real man” to unlock the hidden sexpot behind her glasses and textbooks. My heart hurts every time I see an Asian being rescued, when they could have rescued themselves. In fact, did that person need to be rescued at all?

All cultures around the world have stories of bravery and cunning. Asians are no different. China, Korea, Japan, Thailand, and Cambodia all have rich folklore depicting warrior men and women. They are brave citizens who became heroes through acts of undeniable bad-assery that transcended color and gender. Fa Mulan, Tomoe Gozen, and Khun Muk were revered in cultures that generally frowned upon women in combat leadership roles. While each retained traditional gender ideals, they exemplified bravery in the face of male oppression when called to protect the things that mattered most.

Regardless of motive, a badass is a badass. Within their own cultures, Asians can be and do anything they want. While we still see weak men and meek women on the silver screen, they are equally balanced by female villains in positions of power, or men who aren’t afraid of their emotions while attempting to stand strong in the face of adversity. Japanese and Korean animation bring fantastic women who don’t need men to take care of them. Children soldier on in the face of misfortune and war.

In a world where all stories are available to us always, why don’t we see more persons of color in fiction? More to the point, why don’t we see more diversity in fiction from English-speaking countries? When you see a person of color, they are often fetishized and pigeon-holed into small roles that accentuate the main (and white) character. In fantasy, one rarely sees black or Asian-inspired characters taking the lead in a journey to save the kingdom. Or, if there are persons of color, they are reduced to disposable villains or territories to be conquered. It can be argued that one writes what they know. But in fantasy, when the writer builds the entire world, persons of color could easily be given a place of equal power. The world is connected. Ignorance is no excuse for excluding persons of color.

In America and other English-speaking countries, subgenres have emerged. Written by persons of color for persons of color. They range from urban fantasy to romance, historical fiction to post-modern thrillers. Each features a protagonist accessible to the target audience. What’s more: the characters are resilient and often gender is more equally represented. They give equal respect to all represented cultures and ethnicities without shying away from the bitter realities each face in the presence of racism and intolerance.

Within the current political climate, we find people who claim to be tired of politically correct conversation. They refuse to acknowledge the need for diversity within the media. They claim it is a non-issue. To leave race unacknowledged, we silently enable racism. But therein lies the rub.

In writing, ethnic representation does not need to be overt. It can be as simple as leaving certain details to the imagination. The reader can decide for themselves what color their favorite character is, or leave them colorless. They can picture Emma Watson as Hermione forever, or allow the possibility of Noma Dumezweni to be the face of a brilliant girl who went on to be a brilliant woman, magic notwithstanding. Some may view the concept as a cop-out, but when writing fantasy one needs to allow room for interpretation. A writer’s world only comes to life when another can picture it for themselves. In a person’s head, a character can look completely different from the author’s idea, regardless of the description given within the text. Some ask for explicit descriptions of race. Personally, I concur with the latter idea. I want to know exactly what the character looked like in the writer’s mind. But in fantasy, when dealing with worlds unlike ours, that simply isn’t possible without removing the reader from the story.

Also, no one cares that Willem Dafoe is the face of inspiration for every older white male I write.

Now you know. Good luck trying to get his face out of your head.

As an Asian cisgender heterosexual(mostly) woman, I will never know what it’s like to be a sixty-something grizzled knight with a penchant for alcohol and whining. I don’t really know what goes through a man’s head when faced with a robotic cat and a world made of plastic. But that doesn’t stop me from including the character’s voice. I will never know what it’s like to be an orc, a dragon, or a man. I will never truly know the struggle of being a small boy trying to live in a world of unrealistic feminine expectations. But I can treat each character as an individual, with its own views and motivations. No character is perfect, and surely someone will take exception to the way each is written. But I can learn and assimilate new ideas, continue to push for representation within my own work, and remain proud of my own voice as it evolves. So long as one seeks to expand their understanding of things beyond their narrow scopes, we can continue to see growth in literature.

Author Bio

Erin Yoshikawa is a Scorpio born in the year of the rat. She currently resides on a small rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with one child and a plethora of native fauna to aid in the writing process. One time rock and roll queen, soup seller, grave digger, and world traveler, Erin enjoys a quiet existence working for The Man while not giving him the satisfaction of killing imagination and dreams. She has contributed to a few anthologies. Nightmares Rise will be her first full-length novel with more to come. Eventually. She hopes.

Erin Yoshikawa’s Author Page

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Freddie’s 40th birthday; Freddie Mercury x reader

*Author’s note*

In honor of the legend’s 74th birthday, as apart of my Rock Angel series, I have written up this little filler chapter centered around Freddie’s birthday. It’s unbelievable that had he lived today, we would’ve been celebrating his 74th bday. But as it is said in the Sandlot ‘Heroes get remembered, but legends never die’. Happy birthday Freddie Mercury, wherever you are, know that you are loved and are continued to be loved by generations of people that are just getting to know you or people that have followed/known you when you were alive.

Enjoy my lovelies and until the next update :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@ixchel-9275​

@simonedk​

@queensdivas​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@platawnic​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@klausidiot​

@onebigfangirlworld​

@naturalswifty89​

@starswin​

@dj-lowkey​

@isabella-bby​

@bohemiansweede​

@5sos-wdw​

@labessieisallama​

____________________________________________________________

*Sept. 7th, 1986*

I was looking myself over in the mirror seeing how my cowgirl hat looked.  It wasn’t anything fancy just a simple leather khaki hat that belonged to mum who gave it to me just for this party.  I brushed the ends of my hair before Jack came in wearing his Indiana Jones hat.

“Look at you my little cowgirl.”

“Now don’t you dare say something naughty or else you’re going to get it.” Jack faked a gasp.

“How dare you suggest I’d say such a thing.”

“Please Jack. You may look all sweet and innocent but even you can go Freddie Mercury dirty. Or worse Deacy leveled of rottenness.”

“Never did I think he could think such thoughts.”

“You do realize that his first song Misfire was all about pre-ejaculation right?”

“Okay subject change please!” I shoved him and said.

“You started it.”

“Nu-uh!”

“Oh shut it you. Now remind me again why you didn’t want to wear a cowboy hat?”

“You know what those hats do to me. Plus….” He stroked the rim of his Indie hat, “this makes me look cooler.” His brow quirked as he smirked in the mirror trying to be sexy (which he was but I’ll never admit that out loud).

“But then we could’ve been a matching set at the party. Fred would’ve been all gushed up about it.”

“You know this day is about him right?”

“Correction two days ago was all about him. This is his birthday party. Thankfully it won’t be as crazy as last years. Yeesh. I still don’t remember how Roger and I ended up in that closet together.”

“Let alone with your shirt over his face.”

“Oh god yeah that—most awkward thing ever. But I think I recall saying something like ‘it’s too hot in this hellhole for me!’ Or some random thing like that. At least that’s what Deacy said he heard. God we had sooo much tequila that night. Never again.”  He chuckled and wrapped his arm around me and pecked my cheek.

“Yeah cause I wouldn’t want to think that my wife was screwing around with her father figure.”

“EWW! Now that is something I know that not even drunk me would do. Why put that image into my brain oh god JACK!!!” he laughed as I began hitting his arm.  

“Ow! Okay! Okay I’m sorry!”

“You better be. Now what time is it?”

“6:40.”

“Shit we better get going!” I grabbed his hand and we took off out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

In the living room our sitter Derek aka ‘Dancing man’ Anderson, who was also one of my roadies on tour, was already feeding our daughter.

“Okay Derek, we’re heading out. Again thank you soo much for volunteering to babysit for me. Normally I wouldn’t ask you to do this much…….”

“Relax (Y/n). I’ve had 3 kids so I know how this works. Thankfully I was in the neighborhood. Plus I get the chance to see the kid before the rest of the roadies do.” I shook my head at him.

Derek had been one of my first roadies ever since I became the Rock Angel.  He was about the same age as Roger was and if I’m being honest, he’s kinda like Roger in a way.  In fact if I remember correctly it was Roger’s roadie Crystal that recommended Derek to me.  He’s great with electronics and lighting and he’s basically the ringleader since he’s the only one of my original team that has stuck with me for the past five years.

“Okay so her bottles are in the fridge and I’ve laid out instructions on how to warm them up. Her bedtime is in two hours, and her favorite story is ‘Oh the places you’ll go’. And ohh I know I’m forgetting something.”

“Angel, relax. I’ve got this. Jack gave me the full rundown about an hour ago while you were deciding on your hat. Give my birthday regards to Fred.”

“We will. Thanks again Derek.” Jack said as the two of them shook hands with each other.

“No prob, you two kids have fun. And don’t worry mini Angel will be safe and sound.”

“Alright, bye baby girl. Mummy loves you.” I leaned down and pecked my daughter’s cheek repeatedly then Jack came down and kissed the top of her head which was starting to sprout my hair color and told her.

“Daddy loves you too sweetheart.” Jack and I picked up our gifts for Freddie and we walked out the door and headed to the car.

To my surprise Jack actually offered to drive to Freddie’s place at Garden Lodge.  I looked at him surprised and switched seats with him and I must admit I’m surprised that he’s managed to get driving in England down.

“Wow Jack I must say, you’ve really adapted to our way of driving, haven’t yah?”

“Well seeing you guys drive all the time kinda helped me out a bit more. Plus those old driving lessons from Deacy also helped as well.”

“So I got to ask. American style of driving or UK style of driving.”

“Oh American hands down. I still fear that I’m gonna ram into someone driving on this side of the road.”

“Guess we both feel that way. When your cousin Jensen gave me my first car driving lessons, I was terrified beyond belief. Not only was it something totally different, but also just driving on the side of the road that I’ve never driven on. But you’re doing good baby. I’m proud of you.” I gave him a peck on the cheek and he said.

“Hey now, no need to get frisky. I’m the one behind the wheel here.”

“You are just full of snappy comebacks today aren’t yah?” he grinned at me and continued to drive on.

After a while we finally arrived at Freddie’s place just ten minutes past 7.  Jack parked the car just a few yards away from the entrance of Garden Lodge and the two of us walked hand in hand towards the entrance.  I pressed the buzzer at the gate and that’s when Jim’s voice came on the intercom and he said.

‘Hello?’

“Hey Jim it’s Jack and (Y/n). We made it.”

‘Ahh the Kline couple, come right on in.’ the gate let out a buzz and Jack opened the door and tipped his hat just like Indiana Jones as he did his best Harrison Ford impression.

“My lady.”

“Why thank you Dr. Jones.” I said in my best Southern accent before walking right on in and he followed behind me.

We walked across the front garden and I couldn’t help but admire the flowers that grew down the runway towards the house.  We walked up the steps and Jack knocked on the door and soon answering the door wearing a pink boa with an angel halo on top of his head was the Queen himself, Freddie Mercury.

“Well about fucking time you two got here. I was beginning to think you both skipped out on me.”

“Please Fred. If we wanted to, you’d never let us hear the end of it.” I teased him.  He chuckled and smiled that wide smile of his before extending his arms out and the two of us hugged and kissed each other.

“And Jack. Handsome and dashing as ever.” Freddie praised.

“Thanks Fred.” Jack blushed.

“And a couple’s costume at that. I swear I think you two will upstage me. And I’m supposed to be the birthday boy here.”

“Oh well Fred actually we’re not doing a couple’s costume. At least not anymore we aren’t.”

“Oh well then Jack what kind of hat is this supposed to be?” Fred said as he stroked the rim of Jack’s Indiana Jones hat.

“Wow and I thought you would’ve at least seen at least one of the films. This is an Dr. Indiana Jones hat.”

“A doctor you say, well what the fuck kind of doctor wears that kind of hat?”

“He’s also an archeologist that goes on adventures Fred.” I explained to him.  Freddie ahhed in understandment.

“Okay now I see. Well besides all that, come on in my darlings the party’s just beginning.” Fred opened the front door wider and allowed Jack and I to enter inside.

And amazingly while there were a lot of people there, it wasn’t as full crazed as his birthday party last year.  It was mellow, quieter, people making small talk amongst friends.  It was a nice change for once (especially after the after party for the Magic tour).

The party went on and as Fred and I stood side by side of each other looking out at the other party guests I turned to him and said.

“You know I’m really surprised Fred. You really mellowed out.”

“Well darling the older you get, the less of a party animal you become. Even the champ must lose at one point.”

“All these metaphors and old saying you’ve been saying throughout this past year, I swear Fred you should be a philosopher.”

“As great as some of their sayings are, they’d be boring to meet in real life. And dear I refuse to be boring.” He playfully dipped my hat forward covering my eyes.  I groaned and playfully shoved him as I readjusted my hat.

That’s when I noticed a band on his right ring finger.

I took his hand and held it and looked up at him and asked him intrigued.

“And just what is this Fred?”

“Oh wouldn’t you like to know.” Fred teased me.

“C’mon Fred. You know as well as I that this ring isn’t like any of the old concert rings you used to wear ten years ago. So out with it.” Fred looked around before clasping my hand with his and he dragged me off upstairs where we would have some privacy.

We made it to his master suite and there I saw Delilah and Goliath both sunning themselves on the bed.

“It’s from Jim.” Freddie spoke softly as he stared down at th ring lovingly. “He gave it to my just before everyone got here. A sorta—one year anniversary present. I would wear it on my left hand if I could but—you know how people are these days when it comes to relationships. Especially with mine.”

I walked up to him and cupped his face between my hands.  He and I stared at each other and I said to him.

“I’m happy for you Fred. Truly I am. And hell if it were up to me, I’d have you and Jim married tonight if you both wanted to.”

“I know you would darling.” He very gingerly pinched my cheek.

“And……people can be bastards. They think that sexual relationships have to be in a straight fashion. Even Johanna and Graham thought that way. Any trace of homosexuality, they’d treat them as if they were scum of the scum. They’d even tried to brainwash me into believing it as well. But thankfully I have more common sense than them or anyone else that thinks that way. Love is Love. As long as two people are happy and in love with each other, so long as they are of legal age, then it doesn’t matter.” I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“A lioness with a heart of gold. Your parents would be proud of you darling.” He said as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Who knows maybe one day the world can change and have people of the same sex get married. And when that day comes, I’ll be right there at your side as your Maid of honor.” Freddie softly smiled and said.

“I’ll let you plan the whole thing out if you want.”

“Good cause you know I’ve got some suggestions.”

“You did learn from the best.”

“Also I’m gonna tell you what you once told me when Jack and I first became a couple. If he breaks your heart, or makes you cry like that last bastard of a man you had, I’ll pop him off his arse till he’s in a coma.”

We both softly laughed and pecked each other’s cheeks before embracing each other tightly.  “Never change my darling Rock Angel.”

“Never Freddie. So long as you never change either.”

“With you by my side, I doubt I ever will.” We both softly laughed.

“C’mon. I’m betting everyone’s wondering where the birthday boy is at.” We took each other’s hands once more and walked out of his master suite and headed back downstairs.

Everyone gathered in the back garden as Jim, Terry and Phoebe pulled out the cake (which was sculpted into the shape of an orange, black and white patterned cat standing on a podium with its paw up in the air).

Once the sparkling candles were lit, we all sang Happy birthday to Freddie.  Freddie stood by his cake smiling and gushing about till the end of the song before finally blowing out his candles.

“I better not expect a girl wearing a cat costume to pop out and ruin this cake!” we all laughed and that’s when Jim came up to him and delicately cut the bottom part of the cake.  As Jack and I sat together I couldn’t take my eyes off of Freddie.

He was just radiating this pure energy as he chatted away with Phoebe, Jim and his other friends that he knew outside of Queen. He truly was a ray of sunshine who made everyone laugh and smile, and I am so glad that he got out of Prenter’s grasp when he did cause this this was the Freddie I knew and loved.

“He seems happier with Jim.” Jack said to me as he ate a piece of his cake.

“He does. He finally found himself a little niche in life. And I’m happy for him.”

“So they’re really together, aren’t they?” Jack asked me. Of course there wasn’t any hatred or disgust as my husband spoke those words, he genuinely wanted to know whether or not Freddie and Jim were seriously an item or not.

“They are. And I can see that it’s real love between those two. I hope they stay together for a long, long time. They’re good for each other.”

“I’ll admit it, even though I’ve never really seen a gay romance for myself. I think they really do love each other.”

“It’s just like us. Like Deacy and Ronnie, like any other straight marriage or relationship. It doesn’t matter the gender of the person so long as two people love each other and care about one another. Love is Love.”

“I can get behind that.” Jack said as he nuzzled his face into my neck making me giggle softly.

It was about an hour after sunset when the party finally came to a close.  Everyone bid their goodbyes to Freddie and when I had invited Fred and Jim to come and have tea tomorrow, that’s when I found out that they would actually be leaving for Japan tomorrow afternoon.

“Oh wow Japan. You two going on your honeymoon?” I playfully nudged Fred.

“It’s not so much a honeymoon dear. Just a way for Jim and I to get to know each other a little more without all the press and cameras stalking us.”

“Understood. Those blood-sucking leeches.”

“Tell me about it.” He grumbled.

“Well I hope you both have a safe trip and enjoy yourselves.”

“We will darling. And I’ll be sure to pick something up for the mini-angel’s birthday in a couple months. As well as a souvenir gift.”

“You know she’s still a baby right?”

“So what? Just because she’s a baby doesn’t mean I have to stop spoiling her.” I rolled my eyes and embraced Freddie and he hugged me back.

“You’re gonna drive me to early grey hair Mercury.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous darling.” He said in a posh tone. “As I’ve always said you’re gonna be an ageless beauty. It’s me and the other guys that’ll age like milk.” I slapped his arm then we kissed each other goodbye then Jack and I took our leave.

When we arrived back home, we came in to see Derek sitting on the couch watching the news.

“How was the party?” he asked us.

“Mellow but fun. How was our girl?” Jack said.

“Barely gave me any trouble, unlike my own daughter when she was that age. The only fuss she made was when I had to change her nappie before bed.”

“She’s done that with us too. Mum hopes she’ll grow out of it soon.” I said as I walked up to him.

‘Growing cases of the AIDS and HIV virus continues to climb. So far in England alone more than 1000 confirmed deaths have occurred due to the virus…..’ I shut the TV off and muttered angrily.

“I hate the news. They never have anything positive to say. All it is is just death, gang bangs, cults, economy crashes, war, or this new virus that’s been coming up.”

“Don’t let it affect you too much Angel, you don’t need to have all that negativity floating in your head. Well I best be off.”

“Thanks again Derek, I’ll send you your payment in the morning.” I told him.

“No need. This one’s on the house. Have a good night Angel, Jack.”

“Night Derek. Drive safely.” Jack told him as Derek grabbed his coat and keys then left the house.

Jack and I changed out of our party clothes and got into our pajamas and cuddled close together.

“G’night Jack.” I yawned.

“G’night my love. Sweet dreams.” Jack whispered.  He kissed my forehead as the two of us fell asleep cuddled under the sheets.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Quarantine fun times and tickles; Joe Mazzello x reader

*Author’s note*

As many of us in the BoRhap fandom know from Joe’s recent video, I couldn’t help but make a fanfic inspired from that video that just makes me smile from ear to ear. In light of these dark times, esp. when states or countries are officially going on FULL lockdown isolation. But I hope in light of the events going on in the world, this fic gives you guys some fluffy feels. Just side note I DO NOT OWN any of the shows mentioned here, they belong to their owners and stations.

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural​

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@simonedk​

@kairosfreddie​

@soy-guey​

@ixchel-9275​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

__________________________________________________________

With this whole Corona quarantine putting everyone in isolation, I was thankful that my boyfriend of over 3 years Joe Mazzello was home again.  He was doing some film with my favorite childhood actress Ashley Tisdale (of course he wouldn’t tell me the name of the project, just something having to do with ducks and them up in a farm).  But now the project has been put on hold and now Joe and I were stuck at home just doing whatever.

I was currently sitting down in the living room watching the Ridiculousness weekend marathon that MTV is doing every weekend in order to keep everyone inside.  The show was one of my guilty pleasures cause it’s the only show on MTV I watch.  

Yeah they do some of the gross stuff like puking or farts, but they also do some really funny, epic or cute videos (and those are what I love).

I just saw a video of a man trying to leap up on a trashcan and he managed to successfully jump up on top of it and not fall through.  But when his friend tried to do the same trick, his feet went right through the lid and he as well as the trashcan fell over and he slammed his back right on the concrete.

“Ohh! Ow! He is not Elf material.”

“Too much weight.” Both Steelo and Channel said and I nodded in agreement.  

“Definitely too much weight. That guy was definitely not Elf material. Too much force on his knees when he did the jump.” It was then I heard the muffled shouts of my boyfriend coming up from our room.  “Oh dear, he’s at it again.”

I forced myself off the couch and walked up the stairs and as I got closer to the bedroom, I heard Joe’s voice proclaimed.

“CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE CAN YAH?! I’ll just wear this to auditions. Perfect. THANKS FOR NOTHING!!!” I opened the door and I said.

“Have you finally cracked under the pressure of quarantine again Joey?”

“Baby no I’m making a Youtube video for my channel.” He answered.

“Oh shit I’m sorry.”

“Hey no swearing missy! This is a family show! Folks I’d like to introduce you to someone you know, my lovely lady (y/n). Yeah everybody there’s my gorgeous girl right there.” He turned his camera right at me and I shyly ducked my face into my hands and gave the camera a wave.

“Please tell me you aren’t live streaming right now.”

“Nah I’m just gonna upload it later on.” He set the camera back down and I sat down on the bed and said.

“What’s got you to upset this time? I could hear you screaming from downstairs.”

“Not intentionally mad. Just—tell me and be honest. Do I really look like this stuffed animal broccoli thing?” he held up the bigger sized stuffed broccoli with the smiley face. “Cause a fan said this reminds them of me in Bohemian Rhapsody. And I thought the whole purpose of being a stan was to be nice to them. This qualifies as unattractive.”

He held it up to his face so that I could see if there was a resemblance between the two.  I put on my thinking face and stroked my imaginary beard before I deducted.

“Wow…..they’re right I can hardly tell the difference.”

“R-Really? You too? My god you—see even my own girlfriend turned against me! THANK YOU!!” he cried out.  I shook my head at my silly man before he deeply exhaled and said. “You know what, you deserve a broccoli punch.”

“Oh no!”

“Oh yeah.” He said with a quick nod and had an evil look on his face.

“Joe I love you but I swear to god if you do this there will be no more texting Ben in the group chats for a month.”

“I normally would act all dramatic and plead and beg for you not to do that. But I feel too betrayed to succumb to that.” He grabbed the bigger sized broccoli and I quickly raced out of the room.

But Joe quickly intercepted me and threw me over his shoulder.  I shrieked and repeatedly punched his back.

“Joseph Francis Mazzello III you put me down this minute! Put me down or you will suffer the consequences!” he flipped me over onto the bed and got on top of me.  He grabbed both my wrists and held them up over my head before changing his grip from both hands to just one holding my wrists together.

Then with no warning or even a chance to have me take back my statement, Joe went ahead and gave me one of his infamous ‘broccoli punches’.

“Joe! JOE WAHAHAHAHIHEHEHT! NOOO!!!”

“Nope you must suffer a broccoli punch. Each accounting for your age.”

“WHAT!? YOU’LL DO THIS ALL DAY THEN!!! YOU COUNT SLOW!!!”

“Oh-ho another insult? Well then I’d say we double them then.”

“NOOOOO!! OKAY! OKAY! OKAY I’M SORRY! UNCLE! UNCLE!” He stopped and his face hovered over mine.

“You gonna surrender?”

“Yes.”

“And you take back what you said about me looking like that gross vegetable?”

“Can I just say one thing?”

“If it’s negative, you’re gonna get raspberries on your tummy for five straight minutes. No stopping.” I cupped his face and said.

“The only thing that’s similar between you guys, besides the top head of it when you had the floofy wig, is that both of you have this wide, dazzling, adorable smile.” He looked down at me with an unreadable expression.

But then a split second later, he leaned down and captured my lips with his.  I stroked his scruffy cheek and kissed him back with a little more passion.  I softly moaned as I moved my hand through his messy auburn hair.  His kisses then moved up and down the right side of my neck, getting around my sweet spot (cause I’m more sensitive on the right side of my neck than my left. And Joe LOVES to exploit that).

I felt his hand go under my shirt slowly sliding up as he continued to kiss up and down my neck.  I exhaled a moan and that’s when my attention was sent right to the camera that was still recording.

“Wait. Wait Joe, Joey, Joey!” I said snapping out of it trying to get him off of me.

“What?” he groaned impatiently.

“The camera’s still recording.” I said to him. He turned towards it and made one of those goofy surprise noises he sometimes makes as he quickly raced over towards it and shut it off.  I giggled in embarrassment. “Oh thank god you were not live streaming.”

“Yeah. But on one hand we could relive that moment forever and ever.”

“And on another note, you and I would be jobless.” I sassed him back.

“Good point. Plus I don’t want any perverts looking at your body. The only one allowed to do that is me.” I chuckled and rolled my eyes as him as I threw the smaller broccoli stuffy at him. “Rude much babe!”

“Then stop saying silly stuff!” I said.  “Other than that, let me see what else the fans have given you.”

“Oh well I know how much you like Russian nesting dolls, so I got this custom made Bohemian Rhapsody nesting doll.” He then showed me what a fan had made him.

“Oh my god.” We sat there on the bed and I held it in my hands. “Of course Rami being the main display, let’s see whose next.” I opened it up and there was Gwilym in his Oscar’s suit.

“You got your Gwilym, my buddy.”

“Yep one of your lovers.” I teased.

“Hey, you know you’re my number 1.”

“Really? I thought that was Ben Cardy.”

“Well—” I shoved his shoulder. “I’m kidding! It’s you. It’s always been you, it’s always gonna be you.” I smiled at him before turning back to the nesting doll.  Next was Ben in his Oscar white suit, wearing his shades and his lips pursed in that “Ooo” fashion.  “And finally you have…..” I opened it up and the smallest doll was my baby Joey.

“You. The heart and soul of the movie.”

“Yep. Me. Inside—of Ben.”

“Ugh gross Joe!” I groaned out.

“Pervert. You’re just as bad as them!” he gestured to the camera.

“You seriously need to think before you speak Joey. Cause I swear…..GAHHH NO NOT AGAIN!!!” he tackled me to the bed and proceeded to tickle my stomach once again.  He even gave the right side of my neck raspberries and ticklish nips.

“Take it back. Take it back.” He ordered me.

“I TAKE IT BACK!! I TAKE IT BAHAHAHACK!!” I proclaimed which made him stop and look down at me. “Why do you always have to tickle me in order to get me to agree with you?”

“Cause it’s fun.” He shrugged nonchalantly.  “And it makes your cuteness factor go way up.” He said as he rose his arm up over his head to show me just how much my cuteness factor is.

“You’re a dork.”

“But I’m your dork. Whom you love and treasure and will never upset because he knows your weakness.” He said as he nuzzled his nose into my neck and squeezed my sides which made me shriek and him chuckle evilly.

“Please Joey no more tickling.” I whined as I pouted up at him.

“Okay no more for today.” He pecked my lips before playfully booped my nose.  We smiled at each other as his nose would gently brush up against mine. “So what shall we do today?”

“You not gonna finish your video for your fan gifts?”

“I’ll finish it later. Besides I’ll need to cut out that brief PG-13 make out session.”

“Yes please do.”

“So since I heard you laughing and groaning downstairs that could only mean you were watching the Ridiculousness marathon. May I join you?”

“You may good sir. Then afterwards we can catch you up on the Marvel movies.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes. I gotta get you on Team Cap before you watch Civil War.”

“Sorry babe, I’m Team Ironman all the way. And I haven’t even watched all of them or in order.”

“Traitor why though!?” I whined.

“Can’t go wrong with RDJ, he’s a legend. How can you turn your back on him? Rami did a freakin movie with him just this year!”

“Yeah but Steve made some good points in the film that you’ll understand. I will convert you to Team Cap by the end.”

“Yeah right.” We got up from the bed as the two of us continued to bicker about who was better Cap or Ironman as we went downstairs and a new episode of Ridiculousness was starting up.