#10yearsofcastle | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lololova · 6 years

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Inspired by the amazing song "Half of Me" by Tom Bleasby. Give it a listen. Oh, and Happy anniversary #10YearsOfCastle

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"You can throw it away if you want, but I'm not gonna stick around and watch you, so this is, uh over. I'm done," he said and walked away.

Castle had enough, he wasn't going to watch her kill herself. But the second he set foot outside her door he couldn't find himself walking another step, and so he leant against the wall beside the door. Slowly, he slid down the wall, feeling the tears running down his cheeks at the same speed as his vision got too blurry to see anything. She was throwing herself to the wolves, and she didn't care. She didn't care whether she lived or died. And, fuck, if that hurt! Why do I care so much about her? Castle tried to gather some strength to get up and get out but he couldn't. It felt as though his whole being had given up. It felt as though he'd left half of him inside that door, inside her apartment. She's my half. Was. She was my other half. They'd been through so much together, and he'd made the choice to leave her out of the deal in order to keep her safe. It hadn't been his intention to make her feel betrayed, or like she couldn't trust him. It had been for her own safety for fuck's sake!

But of course she didn't see it that way. Her mother's case had made her closed off. It was what had made her shut him out in the first place. The walls. She'd spoken about them that day on the swings, said she had to work them through in order to have the relationship she wanted. And just the other week she'd said the walls were about to come down, and that she wanted him there when they were. Not anymore. He wondered if she ever did love him, if she ever had started having feelings for him or if it was all just pretend. Leaning his head back to the wall he closed his eyes, let his tears fall as he kept thinking about her, kept trying to let go of her. Somewhere deep down he knew he wouldn't be able to, at least not while still being outside her apartment, but he also couldn't find strength to walk away. There was still a pull inside him, like it was the south side of a magnet and she was the north. He was still drawn to her and he had a feeling that no matter what he always would be. She was his other half. She has my heart.

Beckett couldn't believe her ears. Couldn't believe he betrayed her like that. But what was even harder for her to understand was the fact that he left. He just left! Said he was done and left. The second he turned around to leave she'd felt her jaw drop, a scream of regret getting caught in her throat. Her eyes were already filled with tears but when he closed the door behind him it was like someone turned on the tap water, a river flowing down her cheeks. She hadn't meant for him to leave! I want him here! She wanted him to turn back, say he didn't mean to leave. Say he still loved her. Say he was sorry about keeping secrets. She wanted to forgive him.

For weeks, no, months, she'd kept telling herself she wasn't ready. She'd kept telling herself she needed to heal to be with him. But now, standing without him, had her questioning her every decision. If she'd let him in sooner, if she'd opened up, would he have told her sooner? Stupid walls. It took her several minutes before she could move, before her eyes stopped staring at the door in the hopes of him coming back, and she only moved to lean against the kitchen counter. It felt as though all her strength went out the window, as if he took a part of her with him. Maybe he had. He had been her partner, her other half, for the past four years. Sure, he'd been an annoying nine year old on a sugar rush in the beginning but once he'd let her see the real him she couldn't deny how close they got. She knew she could live without him, of course she could, but she suddenly wasn't so sure she wanted to. She wanted her other half, she didn't want her partner to leave. She'd wanted them to be more, not less.

That I'm more than a partner.

Yes, you are. She wanted to tell him, but she had gotten so stuck in the hurt, the pain. And now she would never be able to take it back. Her chest started heaving as she felt it harder to breathe, her sobs getting worse as the realization of what had happened started to come to her senses. I lost him. And he took my heart with him.

Castle wasn't sure how long he sat there, outside her door, but he knew he shouldn't stay. He knew that yet he couldn't go. It felt impossible. It was as though he couldn't move. He'd had no intentions of staying seated there on the floor at all, let alone staying long enough for her to find him.

"C-Castle?" her voice was rough but her tone was nothing more than a whimper.

Was she crying? Looking up at her he could definitely see the evidence of that. Her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks were glistening with the remnants of tears. Castle looked away, down to be more exact, because he knew she had expected him to be gone. Hell, he'd expected him to be gone. He heard the door shut again and he imagined she'd gone back inside, there was no way she wanted to see him anymore. Which is my cue to leave. That's why he was so taken back that his whole body flinched when she suddenly slid down beside him, her back against the same wall as him.

"How di… how did it go so wrong?" she said, not louder than a small whisper and he turned his head carefully to look at her.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice hoarse and he knew by the look on her face she could tell he'd been crying.

She cleared her throat and he could see she was purposefully keeping her eyes in front of her in order to not look at him. He wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want to see him or if it just hurt too much to look at him. Or maybe she's afraid she won't be able to keep a straight face.

"This." She said. "Us." He stayed quiet, tried to think, and before he could fathom an answer he heard her taking a deep breath. "It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It wasn't suppo… I was healing, I was trying to be more…" she swallowed hard. "I want to be more than who I am before we… became a we." This had her looking up at him, her eyes watery and begging him to stay. If he read it right, that is.

"You… why would you think you needed to be more? You're perfect." The words escaped his mouth before he could really think them through, and he could tell she got embarrassed. Her eyes turned down, focusing on her hands in her lap, while her cheeks got a slight blush.

"I'm not perfect," she mumbled and he was about to argue when he stopped himself. There was something else his brain just registered.

"You wanted us to become a we, you're… do you…" he wasn't sure how he was supposed to ask, and was both relieved and glad he didn't have to.

"Yes." She took a deep breath before looking into his eyes again, those blues that kept pulling her deeper in every time she got stuck in them. "I love you too."

It was only a whisper, barely louder than a breath, but the immediate joy in his heart, the immediate skip of a beat, had his lips pulling up in a big grin. Without thinking, because who could really think when the love of your life reciprocate your feelings?, he leaned down and crashed his lips to hers. Kissing her was more addicting than he thought possible. That kiss in that alley almost a year earlier was nothing compared to this one. He was surprised when her hand landed on his chest, because she wasn't pushing him away, she was trailing her hand upwards. It was tickling feeling her hand against his naked neck as her fingers traveled up and into his hair, massaging his scalp as she was kissing him back. She tasted of something sweet, something entirely of her, and he knew he was addicted to her taste already. When they pulled away it wasn't because they were done, but because air became a necessity to not pass out. Their lips didn't go far though, her fingers in his hair holding him still as their foreheads rested against one another's. Their breaths became a mix in between them and Castle couldn't help but nudge her lips with his every now and then.

"I'm sorry I kept secrets, sorry I didn't tell you," Castle mumbled and he opened his eyes to search hers, though they were closed.

"I'm sorry too, but I'm not… I can't just let it go, Castle," she said and he noticed tears escape her closed eyes.

He let his hand go to her cheek, wiping away the tears on that side as he caressed her smooth skin.

"We'll find a way," he promised. "We'll find the man who murdered your mother, but we'll do it quietly. We have to do it quietly. I can't lose you," his voice broke on the last sentence and she nodded slightly.

"And I can't lose you," she whispered before leaning her head back a little to claim his lips in another kiss.

This kiss turned deeper, hotter, messier, and before he knew it he was kissing down her neck, and she found herself whimpering at the electricity shooting down her veins. It didn't surprise any of them that they eventually ended up in her bed, naked and in full bliss. But not before he'd showed her exactly how much he loved her, showering her with kisses everywhere, even on her scar. Especially on her scar. After that evening they weren't two halfs anymore, they became one with each other.

THE END

#Castle #Caskett #Beckett #10YearsOfCastle

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