#2016 eiserne you were so hopeful

[lesmismignon]

Satis - Old End Notes Compilation

Posting here because I forgot AO3 has a profile character limit. These are my old end notes from the prologue~chapter 26 (as of April 8, 2024) of Satis that I have removed from their respective chapters because 1) they were outdated af and 2) I wanted the chapters decluttered. This post will be edited and updated continuously with author’s notes of each new chapter. (Click “keep reading” at your own risk, this ended up being so long, I might have to divide it in the future. These read like old diary entries wtf)

prologue - parting words (2016-05-08)

Unlike Pushing Daisies, a happy-go-lucky product of a recent caffeine binge, this has been sitting in my computer for a long, long while, and I've decided to publish it today because it's Mother's Day (Parent's Day where I live).

This entire chapter resulted from my appreciation of Integra and Seras' relationship, which I always felt was portrayed quite profoundly in canon (Manga/OVA). Integra accepts Seras, takes her in, embraces her during her bloodlust, cuts her finger to feed her, and orders her not to die. Though this is intended to be, ultimately, an AxI fic, Integra and Seras' relationship will be an almost equally important pillar of the plot.

I must stress that this takes second priority to Snow White and will be updated only irregularly, if at all, until SW is completed. Which won't be long, I don't know. Headaches are rampant these days. Your responses will be the most welcome and beloved of all energizers. Especially since this is going to be a rather depressing and dramatic ride. I would love to hear what you thought. What will await our favorite Hellsing director, do you think?

01. auld lang syne (2016-06-24)

Here we go, off on another journey.

Thank you all for your feedback and sorry I kept you waiting! I hope you enjoyed this, and I would passionately love to hear what you thought and what you anticipate.

02. palimpsest (2016-07-27)

Good news! Now that Snow White is finished I'll be able to keep a regular schedule for this! And by "regular" I mean something like an update every week or two. This is a rather difficult endeavor, since I have to delve into the emotions of these very complex characters, and being an overemotional person myself, I tend to get overwhelmed. So please be patient with me if I end up being late. I'm always, always trying to deliver my best! I should mention, the quickest way to check my survival is my Tumblr blog. The address is in my bio.

Thank you so much for your wonderful words last chapter and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. It was hard, because one, the weather is horrible, and two, the weather is horrible, and three, Integra's situation is so convoluted that even I, the poor masochist who has undertaken this, have to take a breather every now and then. Second chances are really not that fantastic, you know?

Oh! And the rating is for violence, unresolved sexual tension, and, uh, maybe more? I make no promises! Let's see what the future holds.

And because music is such a big part of my writing, shout out to my queen Hamasaki Ayumi, who always manages to dissolve me into a teary ball of tragic romance.

I almost forgot. There will absolutely be no underage sex. No. Just no. Even if Integra is technically fifty-two.

03. eyes of war (2016-08-12)

More Walter to come next chapter.

The weather is hideous and I think I'm suffocating in the humidity. I hope this chapter doesn't seem too affected. God, I am so ready for autumn and the angsty vibes its winds send me!

Thank you all so much. I can't express adequately how I loved reading your responses and how joyed I am with all the ideas you're giving me. I'm afraid this story will start off a bit slow at first, but I'm really hoping to pick up the pace soon. I can say that a few major events are already set in stone and so is the climax. I know you're impatient to get there, but so am I! Let's journey on this rickety barge together. Be aware, though, it might not be what you expect!

Some of you might recall this from one of my notes in Snow White but the way I interpret Walter's defection in the series really can be summed up as jealousy (not the romantic kind). I'm trying to unfold the dynamics of Integra, Alucard and Walter's relationship as plausibly as possible. God, it's hard! They're such difficult children! And there's a reason the genre of this fic is drama. I'm going to spew drama everywhere. Be careful you don't drown in it! Stay tuned.

04. jamais vu  (2016-08-31)

Sleep has eluded me. Oh God, I am exhausted. Next time, my dearest readers. Always, thank you so much, please know that your wonderful words are what keep me going!

05. out of the blue (2016-09-17)

Integra! What are you up to?

Fluff. I needed fluff. And it never is Hellsing if the fluff isn't served with a dash of war and lewdness. And considering what I have planned for the next chapter, you all are going to need to fluff yourselves up with lots and lots of fluff.

Thank you all for your feedback! You all are such stars. I'm so happy you like the poem I chose for Alucard and Integra last chapter. I speak not a stitch of Romanian, but when I discovered that poem I was like, oh? Oh! And I had to use it, of course. I actually preferred poetry when I was in college so understand you'll be seeing poems here and there in my stories. Along with music, they are one of my greatest muses.

So I hope you are contented for now. Until next time, starlit people!

06. déjà vu (2016-10-12)

I did warn you!

Dreadfully sorry for the wait. As you might be able to imagine, this one was a monster. At this point I am just so glad I got it out. Thank you so much for your patience, and your words of kindness and encouragement! I live off them, you must know. But, whew, we do need something sweet to flush out this melancholy, don't we? Cross your fingers for a lighter installment next time, and I may show you mercy! Until then. Happy October, everyone!

07. a meager substitute (2016-10-30)

It so happens that I will reach the end of a chapter, and be at a complete loss as to what I should leave as an end note other than "Thank you" and "I love you" and "You are the sun and moon and stars of my writing process," because I am sure you know all these things already. But good things must go on repeating. So thank you and love you all for your loving support. I cannot believe it's already Halloween. Can you believe it's already Halloween? I wish I could have a share of your credulousness. Well anyway, Happy Halloween! See you soon!

08. cycle (2016-11-19)

The world may be going to pieces but the fic must go on. In which Integra shakes salt everywhere, poor Alucard and Walter become pickles, and Seras is, as always, a cutie patootie.

Sorry, Pip. You know I love you.

I am a very tired bean these days and so I had to cut this chapter off here before it could get too long for me to edit on time. So many apologies for it being on the short side. And thank you everyone so, so much for the two hundred kudos! Wow! Your love is what inspires me to go on!

What will happen next chapter? Where is Alucard? How will Walter fare? Has the future been changed for the better or worse? I cannot answer these questions, but you never know. The plot may be already upon you.

09. spoiled cake (2016-12-20)

Three o'clock in the morning is a lovely hour to update.

Oh my stars. I did not intend for this to take so long. I am terribly sorry for the long wait. At first I was occupied with Pokémon Moon, which was an absolute delight; but after finishing it I was hit with a bout of depression and lost a lot of strength. But I'm back now and I hope this chapter will be your balm. Your words were precious to me during this time, and I can't thank you enough. Let's continue on this journey.

10. bitter, sweet (2017-01-19)

*Sips tea*

*Looks at calendar*

*Spits tea out*

January 19? January 19? What do you mean, it's already January 19?

Wow. Uh, happy new year, everyone. Again, thank you and sorry for the long wait. I wrote quite a bit, scrapped it, wrote again, scrapped it again... There is something about turning a new year that makes one simultaneously hope and despair. I was at a rather difficult place, but presently I've gotten better. I wish this year will be a happy, lucky and safe time for all of you, and I hope I will be able to bring more and better bits to read. It has been quite a while since I uploaded a one shot, hasn't it?

11. ouroburos (2017-03-26)

Yes, it's really me! You're not hallucinating! You've really read through a new chapter of Satis! Wow. Hey guys. It's almost April, the cruelest month. I can't believe how fast the months go by. It's so humbling. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support and patience. My new job has really taken a toll on me and I feel uneasy even in this state of employment, and it took a while to muster the time and strength for this update. But while it is late, I poured my soul into this—as usual—so I hope that you enjoyed it and that it has given you a splash of brightness in your day. Have a lovely spring, everyone. I will try to come back as soon as I can.

12. lunacy (2017-06-19)  

Hello! Hello! I hope I find you well on this summer day. I know, I know, I've been terrible. But some things could not be helped, and I had to take the long way to deliver this chapter. Which unofficially marks the unofficial first section of this story. I don't divide them, exactly, but after this chapter we will pick up the pace, so to speak, and get into the nitty-gritty of Integra's situation, find out what's up with the other characters, blow up some skulls, and produce tears—among other things.

I know you have questions, especially concerning the end road this story will take. (Which will take a long time getting to!) This is all I can provide at this point (and some of you will have already read this): I have dropped Hints About The Future Plot. Countless times. Of course, they are never obvious. A word here, a sentence there. You won't know and I've made sure you won't. I don't even think they're worthy to be called hints, they're so insignificant. Nonetheless, they're there. As little, fleeting whimsies.

I think I'll put up a nice little one shot before I upload the next chapter. Thank you always, always for your patience, your interest and your wonderful support.

13. phantom ache (2017-10-31)

Oh, damn, I'm late, I'm late, I'm so late—*looks down at nonexistent wristwatch* *is pointless* *chucks it away*—terribly sorry. And this is far from the longest chapter ever. But it's Halloween, and I had to put this up somehow or I'd be on it after yet another month and sobbing. May this offering appease the spirits, the Great Pumpkin—and you!

Some of you may already know that I have a new job, and while it is much better than my last job, it is very demanding and saps a lot of my free time. I certainly can't promise how long it will be till I can post the next chapter. But it's going to get there, alright? Slowly, but it's getting there. And this chapter may be the most significant yet, but you won't know that till it gets there, will you? *winks* Until next time, darlings!

14. fine art (2019-03-31)

April fools. Because you thought I would not update, but I did!

My take on Alucard and Walter's relationship is that they can be civil, even respectful—as shown in canon—when they want to be or have to be, but at the root of it all Walter is too embittered and Alucard is too careless. Also, I totally think Walter and Arthur were in cahoots concerning Alucard's banishment.

It has been so long, it took me a moment to remember how to upload. For much of the last two years, I was stuck in a job in which I was unwisely investing too much of my sanity, though I have met some of the best people of my life there. Now I have a new job. Not a better one, per se, but one that I can build a more organized schedule around.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for enjoying this fic.

Special thanks to my friends J, T, and A, for being there even when I felt I would never be able to write again.

15. invisible numbers (2019-12-25)

Merry Christmas.

16. ever-immutable (2020-12-31)

If this feels like near the end, it is not. It's about halfway-ish, I expect.

Hello, it is I, the holiday cryptid. Jokes aside though, I am glad that I was able to wrap up this strange year with at least one update.

The ideas are still in my head. The love and anger and spite and sorrow I have for the characters still flow. And I shall endeavor to finish this story, even if it takes years.

Important: I will be undergoing an (unscheduled) re-editing of earlier chapters. Mostly grammatical, some minor word changes perhaps, but none that will change the plot, of course. Actually, I really want to edit out my author's notes, because they clutter the chapters up and are so outdated. If anyone misses them though, I'll move them to my bio. This note will also be relocated come next chapter.

Even when I am away from writing, I always read your comments. I appreciate them deeply, and I hope you will tell me your thoughts. Happy new year, may it be a better one for all of us.

17. event horizon (2020-01-29)

in this house we stan Alucard and Integra and their weird dietary choices

Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments. Please know I thrive on your insights and speculations.

Editing of earlier chapters is done for now and author's notes have been moved to the link in my profile. I would fix more but that would be disingenuous. Thank you all for putting up with my five-year-old writing lol.

If you don't mind music suggestions, I recommend Dreamcatcher's "Odd Eye." I was wrapping up the first draft of this chapter when the song was released, and it's scarily relevant. The tone, and the lyrics especially capture the mood I hoped to convey in this chapter. However, the English subtitles on the official mv are pretty disjointed, so you can check out my personal translation of it on my Tumblr.

I hope to see you all again soon.

19. merciful, merciless (2021-03-19)

Spring is a difficult season for me and this came later and shorter than I would desire. I couldn't reply to everyone this time, but please know each and every comment gives me strength. I devour your thoughts and speculations. Thank you as always!

21. meringue (2023-01-24)

~some of my thoughts through the hiatus~

Integra: Alucard don't disappear, Walter don't betray me, Seras let me die a normal death them: sike Integra: ffs

xx

Me: I have the climax, the ending, and even a sequel all ready in my head! smart & sensible people: well u gotta write them down first Me, not smart & sensible: I have to What them What first

xx

if I keep making my otps eat each other's hearts does that count as vore kink

xx

new drinking game: take a shot every "meringue"

and before you ask, yes, I was sorely tempted to title this chapter "meringue" (there was a working title) AND I LOST no, I don't like meringue

xx

Here we are with the beginning of the second half of this adventure! I am very sorry this took so long.

Special thanks to the Fire Emblem Three Houses OST, can't have done this without you

Kidding. Special thanks to everyone who is still reading, still breathing in this fandom, waited, left lovely comments, lovely kudos, believed me when I said I would come back and finish this, even if it takes me another decade.

I shall endeavor to be quicker in the next update.

23. flesh, skin, and bones (2023-05-31) unrelated: guys pls go watch Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 in D Minor performed by Yunchan Lim in the 2022 Cliburn Competition, i am in tears

24. last transgression (2023-06-28)

cue me updating during a business trip :D

finally! one from the bucket list completed. The Talk with Walter...

Thank you always! I passionately await your thoughts!

xx

alucard: folks is it possible to be in a devoted equivocal relationship but still pining, jealous of your own self that technically doesn't exist but at the same time does(???) and on top of all that your master/countess/wife may have eaten some kind of weird space and time thingy

walter: man this timeline sucks

25. disintegrate (2023-10-24)

Omake ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚

pip: why is the fucking chunnel under construction. do you know how busy i am. you expect me to take a fucking ferry in this situation. rory go steal a chopper what do you mean i'm acting crazy. do you want me to go reverse boomer on you i'm from the future

xx

alucard: i wasn't even late this time and this happened. this is why we can't have nice things

xx

pip: i'm a friend of integra's. seras: integra doesn't have friends. pip: well, shit

xx

walter: did i mention i hate this timeline

26. oceans of time (2023-11-25)

tfw when the future not only destroys your past, it barges in while you're having dinner and dropkicks your head into your soup

one angry knight wrapped in red, delivered! ;*

Would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you always and forever.