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our-time-is-now · 2 years

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September 4, 2019 (1): There’s really a lot that has changed

(previous play)

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Wednesday, 10:17 am:

David: *lately he has been thinking about Patrick, their friendship and their past after he has talked about him with Matteo and also his therapist, and for the first time in a long time, he opens their chat history on WhatsApp*

WhatsApp, David/Patrick:

Patrick, 10.09.2017, 17:03: Hey David, did you understand Math? Somehow I don’t get it right now? Can I come over so that you can save me again?

Patrick, 12.09.2017, 07:34: Did you oversleep? Are you sick? Should I excuse you?

Patrick, 12.09.2017, 08:45: Are you avoiding me? Or why do you always take the earlier bus now?

Patrick, 17.09.2017, 14:58: David, please let’s talk. We can’t just ignore each other from now on for the rest of the time we’re at school…

Patrick, 22.10.2017, 07:10: I wish you a very Happy Birthday! I hope all your dreams come true. (If you want to, then please reach out)

Patrick, 22.10.2018, 15:45: Happy Birthday, David!

*sighs quietly when he reads Patrick’s last message and can’t stop the memories flooding back from that point in time when he somehow couldn’t do this any longer, when he deliberately decided to avoid Patrick from now on after he kept ignoring the teasing at school more and more* *there wasn’t really anything special that happened, nothing that he hasn’t gone through one way or the other several times already: Two of his fellow students used the occasion when one of his teachers had finally addressed him by the right name to stop him after the class and to make fun of him. There was a group of students, more and more people got involved and commented - and he finally saw Patrick, who was standing some distance away with two other fellow students and who had looked at him with pity and sympathy* *he knew exactly that they would once again pretend that it never happened the next time they met - at first they used to talk about it and Patrick told him that he shouldn’t pay any mind to what other people say, that eventually they’d stop and that it wasn’t important what they thought, and that it would instead be important that he can live the way he wants to - but eventually everything that could be said had been said, eventually the incidents weren’t commented on any longer and the conversations between them only revolved around school or their hobbies* *he realized more and more how much it hurt him that Patrick didn’t get involved at school, that he didn’t have his back, so after another bad incident at school he withdrew more and more even in the afternoons after school, closed up more and more even with Patrick and it got hard to be as unburdened in his presence the way it used to be - until this one day when it simply got too much* *now in hindsight, he thinks that he should have talked about it with him, told him that he could no longer stand the fact that Patrick didn’t have his back at school, but back then he didn’t really want to demand of him that he also has to face the mockery and teasing of the others* *still doesn’t really know how they could have resolved that problem back then - maybe Matteo was right and Patrick really had his own problems that he didn’t know about - maybe he was in over his head with the situation? Maybe he really wasn’t brave enough and maybe he himself should have had more understanding if they had been more open with each other… Maybe they would have been able to find a solution if they had really talked about how they both felt* *wonders if - after two years of radio silence - there’s any use in mentioning the topic, if Patrick is even still interested in getting in contact with him, but then also has to think about the time before it got difficult and about how close they were until that point - how well Patrick was able to deal with his coming-out at first* *tries to mentally formulate what he could text him while staring at the open chat history, but realizes that what he wanted to tell him would simply be too much* *finally pulls himself together and just starts texting*

WhatsApp, David/Patrick:

David, 04.09.2019, 10:23: Hey…

Patrick, 04.09.10:24: Oh… hi!

Patrick: Everything okay?

David: Yes, it is… well mostly. But lately, I had to think about you more often and I thought… no idea… maybe we could talk one day - well, if you want to.

Patrick: You mean about back then? Well not back then, back then, but back then as in 1 to 2 years ago?

David: Exactly… About the time when it got difficult between us…

Patrick: We already should have talked about it back then…

David: That’s also what I’ve been thinking about over the last few days. But somehow we didn’t really manage to back then.

Patrick: I wanted to do so several times, but somehow I didn’t dare… well in this respect… yes, I’d like to… let’s talk…

David: Umm? But not over WhatsApp, right? ;-)

Patrick: No, better not - too much typing… ;-)

David: Maybe we could meet up one day? Well, when I’m in Lychen or Fürstenberg…

Patrick: I moved to Berlin last weekend. I’ll start studying game design here in October, but my side job starts on September 15… I already considered reaching out to you once I knew that I got the spot at uni and that I’ll move, but I didn’t know if that was okay… are you still in Berlin?

David: Wow, it’s nice that you got a spot at university! I’m really happy for you! And does your side job also have something to do with game design? I’m still in Berlin, yes…

Patrick: Yes, the job is at a developer company… I don’t exactly know what my tasks will be like yet…

David: Testing computer games all the time?

Patrick: Then this would be an absolute dream job…

Patrick: And what about you? Are you doing better? What are you up to nowadays? Are you going to stay in Berlin?

David: I’m doing an indescribably lot better, yes! And I’ll stay in Berlin. I was accepted to uni to study filmmaking and I’ll also start in October.

Patrick: An indescribably lot better sounds awesome! I’m really happy for you, David! And filmmaking! So we both somehow really managed to fulfill our dreams…

David: Definitely… who would have thought!? ;-) But if you live in Berlin now, then it’s really even easier that we meet up one day to talk about the past… well, if that’s okay.

Patrick: Yes, sure… I just first have to see how things will be here with my side job and so on… but once I’ve settled a little then I’d really love to.

David: Sure, get settled first. We have time…

Patrick: But maybe you want to talk on the phone some time?

David: Now?

Patrick: Umm, yes… if you like…

David: Okay…

*takes a deep breath and realizes that he’s suddenly a little nervous to talk to Patrick again* *briefly puts his phone aside and shakes out his hands before wiping them on his pants* *but then already sees his phone vibrate, takes another deep breath and picks up the call*

David: Hey…

Patrick: Hey na… feels somehow weird, doesn’t it? Well, but a good weird, you know what I mean…

David: *has to smile automatically when he hears Patrick’s voice, but is still a little nervous* *laughs quietly when he says that it feels weird* Yes… I know… good weird, but weird… it’s been a long time… *doesn’t really know what he’s supposed to say and therefore tries to do smalltalk* Umm… and were you already able to settle a little?! Unpacked everything? Or are you still surrounded by boxes? *takes a look around their room and is glad that they are already finished with it*

Patrick: *has to smile automatically when he hears David’s voice* Wow… *laughs slightly and talks without thinking* Your voice sounds really deep… *only then hears David’s questions* Umm… yeah, settled a little and no, I haven’t unpacked everything… I’ve only just moved, after all… and what about you? Where in Berlin do you live? Still with your sister?

David: *quietly laughs again when Patrick says that his voice sounds really deep and is pretty happy to hear that* *barely notices the changes himself, but thinks that it’s probably more obvious if you haven’t seen or talked to someone in a while* Testo makes that possible… *then nods at his answer and murmurs* Right, you’ve only been here for a few days… *then exhales when Patrick asks how he lives and slightly laughs again* Yes… yes and no… well I do… it’s a little complicated. My sister and I were forced to move out of our apartment short-notice because the building is derelict and it was impossible to find something new so quickly, and now we’re temporarily living at my boyfriend’s flatshare. So yeah, I still live with Laura but also with Matteo, Hans and Linn… *grins slightly* Also only since last weekend, by the way…

Patrick: *laughs slightly when David says that testo makes it possible* Yeeah, this miraculous stuff… *then listens to him and perks his ears when he says that he has a boyfriend* *realizes how happy he is for David and that he really always wished for David to be okay* *but is also curious, of course* Hang on, hang on… which of those is your boyfriend? Matteo or Hans or Linn? *also grins, which can probably heard in the tone of his voice* But that sounds really great, David, I’m really happy for you!

David: *grins slightly when Patrick kind of interrupts him and laughs when he also lists Linn* Are there really guys with the name Linn!? *calms down again and then clarifies* Well Linn is a girl… *then gets somehow embarrassed because he never would have thought that he would ever be able to tell Patrick that he has a boyfriend, but then tells him* And Matteo is my boyfriend… Hans is also gay, but… no… *has to grin again because he could never imagine being with Hans* *then smiles when Patrick says that he’s happy for him and murmurs quietly and still a little embarrassed* Thanks… *slightly presses his lips together and then murmurs more serious* There’s really a lot that has changed… I think going to Berlin was the best decision of my life…

Patrick: *laughs slightly* No, no idea, that was supposed to be funny… *then smiles when he hears how David’s voice changes when he talks about Matteo* Matteo, huh… David and Matteo… sounds good I have to say. *then hears his last sentence and feels a slight lump in his throat* That really sounds like a jackpot, David, and you deserve it so much… *takes a deep breath* Do you like to tell me a little about it? How is it? Your life? And your boyfriend? Have you been together for long? What kinds of friends do you have? What are Linn and Hans like? Or am I too nosy? *then stops himself* Sorry, that was too much, right? But I’m just really so happy to hear from you…

David: *smiles very broadly when Patrick repeats Matteo’s name and says that “David and Matteo” sounds good* *has never really thought about it until Kay has mentioned it at Lambda, but has to somehow agree with it* *then suddenly feels a small lump in his throat when Patrick is so happy for him again and when he tells him that he deserves this life here and is suddenly a little overwhelmed because Patrick has been a part of his life for so long but hasn’t really been there for the last part of it* *then hears all of his questions and feels the lump getting a little bigger* *quickly clears his throat when he hears his last question and shakes his head* *swallows twice and then says with a slightly husky voice* It’s okay… no… it wasn’t too much… I… *quickly takes a deep breath and then laughs quietly* I’m just not used to it… and I’m also happy to hear from you… and I also want to know everything about you… everything that I missed, okay? *takes another deep breath and rubs his free hand over the back of his neck* *briefly wonders if before that, they shouldn’t talk about the things that are standing between them, after all, but then starts talking, anyways* Okay… where do I start? It’s really a lot… Okay… well I did my Abi… which is somehow obvious, because otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten into university… Hmmm… I met Matteo at school… a few months ago… well, we’ve been together for about four months now… *laughs quietly* Although most of the time it seems much longer to me… and my friends… well they’re people from school… *briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and laughs a little embarrassed* It’s a little difficult to sum all this up in a few sentences…

Patrick: *listens to him with interest* *but can also hear the insecurity in his voice and that he hesitates* *briefly closes his eyes when David doesn’t really tell him much and when he appeases him a little at the end* *thinks that it’s really weird to talk like that if there’s actually something standing between them* That sounds good… but… *clears his throat* ...maybe we really should meet first and… talk about everything? *waits for a moment* It’s somehow weird like this, isn’t it?

David: *briefly presses his lips together when he hears Patrick’s “but” and then smiles slightly at the suggestion that follows* *humms in agreement and thinks about how to explain best why it’s weird for him* *then laughs quietly and a little insecurely when Patrick says exactly this, but says in relief* Yes… somehow it is… I’m sorry… *shakes his head a little and explains* Well… it’s somehow weird to tell you all of this… and at the same time it’s weird that you weren’t around for any of it… because in the past you somehow really were around for everything. But… *takes a deep breath* There’s also a lot that happened… between us… or didn’t happen… *realizes that he’s starting to stammer a little and therefore stops* *instead says* Maybe we really should talk about the past first before we… *doesn’t really want to hope or expect them to get along just as well as they used to and therefore changes the rest of his sentence* Well then the rest will be easier for us… or for me… *briefly presses his lips together and then asks quietly and a little insecurely* So do we want to set a date to meet? Or do you first want to see when it’ll suit you? With your side job and everything…?

Patrick: *shakes his head, which David can’t see* You don’t have to apologize… it’s okay, I get it… *swallows slightly and feels the good, old, well-known guilty conscience toward David* *has to think about what his girlfriend has said when he told her about it, that he has learned from it and that now he’s treating friends completely differently and that now he’s absolutely loyal and open* *thinks that David would also have deserved that back then and that he can give him that at least now and that he can do it in a way that’s the most pleasant for David* Yes, I think you’re right… we should talk first and then we’ll see… *is happy that David still wants to meet* Yes, let’s set a date… well I still need some time to get everything sorted and so on, and with my side job, well, I should always be able to meet on Sundays… maybe on Sunday in two weeks or so?

David: *smiles slightly when Patrick says that he gets it and when he agrees to meet* *then grimaces slightly when he automatically glances at the calendar when he hears his suggestion, but doesn’t really need it because he knows straight away that on Sunday in two weeks, he’ll definitely still be at the hospital* Umm… no, sorry… I can’t on that day… *thinks that the Sunday after that will probably still be bad timing because he can’t tell how quickly he’ll recover from the surgery and therefore adds quickly* ...and it doesn’t really suit me on the one after that, either… *then shakes his head a little because he doesn’t want Patrick to think that he doesn’t want to meet only because he declines his suggestions and adds* But apart from those days I’d really be happy to meet on a Sunday… only those two dates… they don’t really work for me… but maybe the one after that? On the 29th? *clears his throat and says a little insecurely* Okay, that’s still some time away… no idea if you can already say anything about it or if we’d better text again before that?

Patrick: *hears him decline and is a little disappointed* *but also knows that sometimes you just already have plans on weekends, especially when you’re in a relationship* *has to chuckle a little when David reaffirms that he wants to meet* *thinks that he can make it easy for him* Yes, sure, we’ll just text again… maybe you’ll just see what the mood is like and if you have time and want to on a Sunday, then you’ll just let me know?

David: *nods at Patrick’s suggestion and says* That sounds good! I will! *then smiles slightly and adds quietly* I definitely want to… *laughs quietly* ...and I’m a little scared… but… *gets serious again and takes a deep breath* But I think it’ll be good if we talk… right? *he at least had the impression that Patrick needs to talk and also thinks that a lot has to be cleared up and now hopes that they’ll somehow be able to manage to get closer again by putting the old stuff behind them*

Patrick: *also laughs slightly* I also want to… *but then hears that he’s scared and has to swallow* *but finds it good that he’s honest* I’m also scared to be honest… *swallows again* But I also hope so… *clears his throat* Well, then, say hi to your boyfriend from a stranger and then we’ll just text again, okay?

David: *smiles slightly when Patrick says that he’s also scared and finds it good that he isn’t alone with this* *then nods when he ends the call* Yes… I’ll tell him… and we’ll text… definitely! *briefly laughs again quietly because he somehow finds it pretty unreal that they really have texted and talked just now, but then says* Take care, Patrick! *ends the phone call and lets himself fall back onto the bed* *can feel after a while that he’s grinning to himself and unlocks his phone again* *sees the WhatsApp chat with Patrick and is somehow pretty relieved and glad that he was brave enough to reach out to him* *opens the chat with Matteo and texts him*

WhatsApp, David/Matteo: David: I just talked to Patrick on the phone!

Matteo: *is just walking back to the café from the foosball-room and peeks at his phone in the process* *stops when he sees David’s message and grins very broadly* *replies*

WhatsApp, Matteo/David: Matteo: Awesome! Great! That surely wasn’t easy, was it? Can you tell me about it tonight when we have time? I miss you <3 :* ;)

David: *smiles when Matteo immediately texts back and also replies quickly*

WhatsApp, David/Matteo: David: At first I was pretty nervous, but then it was okay. It was somehow good, but also weird. I’ll tell you more about it tonight! I miss you more! :-* And I’m looking forward to later! Five more hours… hang in there, tesorino! <3

(next play)

#druck #druck og #matteo florenzi #david schreibner #davenzi #davenzi plays

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